Why You Should Never Play
Sardines With The HP Characters (Coming From The Mouth Of One Who Experienced
It)
Or
WYSNPSWTHPC (CFTMOOWEI)
Continuing from the ever-popular first part of this we (I) give you the sequel: Why You Should Never Play Sardines With The HP Characters (Coming From The Mouth Of One Who Experienced It)! In this episode we get ourselves a new character or two, play sardines instead of truth or dare and have ourselves a gay old time. Oh yeah, I also get saved from complete sugarless sugar high ecstasy by my friend. An epic adventure of cunning, courage and…SUGARLESS SUGAR HIGHS!
Me: How about we play sardines!
Alice: YAY!
Hermione: Um, aren't we supposed to play truth or dare? You know, tradition.
Me: Well, I think readers are too used to that *Giggles happily* We'll start a whole new nation! We'll revolutionize the world! We will read Harry Potter fanfiction till our eyes drop out!
Hermione: *Staring* Can anybody tell me what's wrong with her? And put her right? Please?
Alice: *Giggling happily just like me* I know what it is! She's on a sugarless sugar high!
*Everyone groans loudly*
Alice: Don't worry, I can put her right. *Walks over and shouts loudly in JustMe's ear* THE FIFTH HARRY POTTER BOOK ISN'T COMING OUT UNTIL 2002!
Me: *Snaps back to reality extremely quickly* It's sad isn't it? *Giggles happily in a rather sad sort of way because the effect of the screaming is wearing of awfully quickly*
Alice: And the next part of "I'd Love You To Hate Me" by saralea hasn't come up yet and neither has the next part of "As We Go On" by afore mentioned author.
Me: *It would seem that the full effect of both these statements put together is sinking in. JustMe starts crying loudly* It's not fair! NOBODY LOVES ME!
*Big puff of smoke…have we heard that somewhere before? Anyway, and someone appears*
Kirsten: *In a squeaky high pitched voice with a little arm movement* Aww, Gee!
Me: *Looks up* That Aww gee of Aww gees can only belong to…KIRSTEN! *Flings arms around Miss Hamster Lover herself*
Kirsten (Who, by the way, is my very good friend who loves hamsters [And Harry Potter]): It's me!
Me: YAY!
Alice: YAY!
Hermione: Who is she?
Me: *Does my infamous villainous maniacal laughter* Kirsten, our friend and partner in crime.
Alice: (Who, for the record, has calmed herself down just a touch, as have I) Let's show them our little show!
Kirsten and I: YAY!
Alice: Kirsten, you start.
Kirsten: I am Yvonne, ze Frengh eggsjange studend from mine-so-ta (Translation: I am Yvonne, the French exchange student from Minnesota)
Alice: I am Donna Giovanita, the italiana exchanj studente from Bolivia (Translation: I am Donna Giovanita the Italian exchange student from Bolivia)
Me: I am Anita, the Spanish exchanje studente from *Looks around mysteriously* Spain!
*Everyone gasps, and then they clap heartily*
Hermione: That's funny!
Harry and Ron: Yeah!
Me: I doubt the audience gets it.
Alice: You had to be there.
Kirsten: Where?
Me: Well here of course. Where else would she mean?
Kirsten: But the audience is here.
Alice: They aren't inside the computer screen.
Kirsten: Neither am I!
Me: I think that we're in my room and inside the computer screen at once. As the audience is in neither of those places what she says is true: You had to be there!
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Bluebottle, Kirsten, Dumbledore, Gandalf and Chrestomanci: I GIVE UP!
Me: Fine. Be that way.
Alice: So, are we going to play sardines or not?
Kirsten: Oh, were we going to play sardines?
Everyone: YES!
Me: All right, we'll play sardines.
*Everyone on the downstairs floor shakes as the earth trembles and rumbles above them and a terrible screaming fills the air…does that make sense?*
Me: *Screams* SHUT UP!
*Everyone shuts up very quickly. JustMe has that look on her face.*
Me: Now, who wants to hide first?
Kirsten: MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!
Me: *With an odd look on face* Alright then. Any complaints?
Alice: *With the same odd look on her face* Not a one.
*All agree, with…can you guess? That's right, the same odd look on their faces.*
Me: Okay. Right. Uhuh. Yeah.
Alice: *Looks at me strangely* Um…who are you talking to?
Me: *Moves phone away from mouth* Can't you see I'm on the phone? *Rolls eyes and turns back to the receiver*
*All the people in the room look at the crazy author of the fic and…and…(Sorry, have to get the right word here) and…GAPE! Yeah, they stand and let their mouths fall open like boxes without locks quite unashamedly.*
Me:
*Still on the phone* Right…No, I'm sorry now won't work…Why no? Well, we're going to play sardines…yes
sardines…yes, I actually do think that they're more important then you…little
what? No, not that kind you idiot! What other kind is there? The game, dim bulb, the game! Yes, that game. So tomorrow? No? Later this afternoon? Yeah, I think I can manage that. Right, see you later. Bye. *Hangs up the phone*
Hermione: Who was
that?
Me: Just a
person. Now, on with the game. We'll count to forty. *Turns to Kirsten* You have until then. Can you manage?
Kirsten: *Hyperly*
Yes!
Me: All right
then. We'll start to count!
*Everyone covers their eyes and begins to count. Kirsten leaves the room to hide in the bear
cave (It's what we call this cupboard in our house that you can sit in, and is
unused) while staring at the wall and dreaming that it's a picture of Harry.
Me (Along with
everybody else): 31…32…33…34…35…36…37…38…39…40!
Me: READY OR NOT HERE
WE COME!!!!!!!!!
*The group splits up, all going there different ways, some
with more of a clue then others. Those
who have been to my house before (Primarily Alice) knew exactly where to
look. Those who haven't (Primarily
everybody else except me) sort of wandered aimlessly. Dumbledore examined muggle objects interestedly, Gandalf thought it
all nice fun and sort of meandered through the house wandering (As we (I) have
said before) aimlessly. Bluebottle had
stayed in the room and was happily examining the CD that he was on,
Chrestomanci was actually searching because the world he lived in had most of
this stuff, and Hermione (Being a muggleborn) was one other person who actually
looked without doing anything else.*
Me: *Mumbling to
myself* Now, where should I look? *Continues to walk around. Sees
Dumbledore examining the TV, and sees Gandalf wandering along happily. Wonders about the sanity of the company I
keep. Walks into the kitchen where
Harry and Ron are talking to my mother*
Mrs. Watson: Look, who
are you? And no, we don't have any
sardines!
Harry: I told you, I'm
Harry Potter
Ron: And I'm Ron
Weasley
Harry: And we're
looking for sardines 'cause that's the game. Sardines.
Mrs. Watson:
*Spots me in the door* Do you know these people dear? How did they get here? No
one came over. Why do they think that
they're Harry Potter and Ron Weasley? And why do they want sardines?
Me: *Groans silently*
Don't worry mom, everything's all right. *Quietly to Harry and Ron* Come with me, before she gets too
curious. *To mother* Mom, you're
hallucinating. There is nobody but you
and I in this house. Nathan and Dad
have gone out. Just you and me. These people standing here *Gestures towards
Ron and Harry* are not really here. They are mirages. Hallucinations. Call the doctor. *To Harry and Ron* Come on!
*We sprint up the stairs, and collapse panting on the
floor.*
Harry: That was close.
Ron: *Sarcastically*
No really Harry.
Me: *Rolls eyes (I'm
becoming an expert)* Yah, yah. Look,
I'm going to get the others. This game
is going Nowhere.
*Comes up a little later with the whole crowd. A refresher in who's here: Ron, Harry,
Hermione, Gandalf, Chrestomanci, Bluebottle, Alice, Kirsten and Me!*
Kirsten: *Grumpily* I don't see why we had to end the game!
Me: *With the tired
air of one who has answered a question all to often.* Because Kirsten, my
mother thinks that you are all hallucinations and I don't want to know what she
would do if she saw you wandering all over the house.
Kirsten: Oh.
Alice: More
importantly, what are we going to do now?
Kirsten: How about we
all have a nice wholesome glass of milk?
Alice: Not…not MILK!
Me: *Crowing with
delight* Yes milk!
*Alice runs screaming from the room. JustMe rolls her eyes. Let her try and explain to mom that she's
not a hallucination!*
Ron: Is the milk the
stuff that comes from chickens, or is it cows? Or do eggs come from cows? All I
ever drink is pumpkin juice.
Harry: *Has absolutely nothing to say about this, so he just
rolls his eyes. It's catching*
Dumbledore: I have
drunk milk every day of my life. That's
why my beard is so white. And Ron?
Ron: Yes?
Dumbledore: It comes
from cows. Eggs come from
chickens. *Turns to Gandalf* So,
Gandalf, do you drink milk?
Gandalf: Well, we
usually drink ale, or beer, or something else, but not usually milk. We've been having troubled times in our part
of the world.
Dumbledore: Hmm…and
you Chrestomanci?
Chrestomanci: Well, we
usually drink what ever we're given.
Dumbledore: Sensible
thing to do really.
Me: Yes, that's all
very nice but-
*Just then the telephone begins to ring*
Me: *Picks up the
phone* Hello? Oh, hi again! Yeah…you want to come soon…okay? Of courser it's me! Uhuh…yup. Who's with me? How did you know
there were people with me? Oh…yeah,
that makes sense. *Takes phone away
from mouth and mutters "It's Cho" and then turns back to the phone*
Harry: Cho…
Hermione: I thought
you were over her Harry!
Harry: So did I.
Ron: *Exasperatedly*
Honestly.
Me: *Still on the
phone* Yeah…yes…oh, in that case, come on over. Yeah, we're all here…great! *Hangs up the phone* Cho's coming over. She should be here in a minute.
Harry: Was she who was
on the phone earlier?
Me: Yep!
Hermione: Is that how
she knew we were here?
Me: Yeah.
*Okay, you know the drill. There's a nice large happy puff of smoke and a nice zingy soundy thing
and *Poof* we have a person who appears nicely!*
Cho: What's up guys?
Harry: *Eyes
grow wide* Hey Cho.
Me: Hi!
Alice: *Having
mysteriously reappeared says something* 'Sup Lady Chang?
Cho: *Puts on a fake
voice and waves her hands around a lot* Oh, daaaaaaahhhhhlings, I just flew in
from calaffoooooornia! Of course, I
simply had to you know…the weather was absolutely
attttrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooociuuuuuussss!
Kirsten: *Cracking up*
You mean you flew in from transfiguration class on a puff of smoke.
Cho: *With her normal
voice* That's about it!
Me: So, what's up at
Hogwarts?
Cho: They're having
the most dreadful time! *Turns to
Harry, Ron and Hermione* They're worried sick about you because no one has the
slightest idea where you are.
Ron: We're here.
Harry: *Dazedly* Yeah.
Hermione: And we're
having FUN!
Cho: I had a feeling
you'd be in some fic, so I asked around and figured it out.
Me: Good job!
Cho: Anyway, I should
be going now before they count me as missing too.
*Gives everybody hugs, and then gets to Harry*
Harry: Don't I get a
kiss?
Cho: *With hands on
hips* Haven't you heard? I'm going out
with Draco Malfoy.
Harry: *Thinks hard
and then says* Can I have a kiss even though you are going out with Draco?
Cho: Oh, all right,
but just a little one.
*Despite what Cho may have said Harry and Cho are still
kissing hard a few minutes later and all the others present have decided on two
things: 1. That Harry and Cho must have had superglue on their lips when they
began to kiss and 2. That Harry and Cho couldn't be human; they hadn't been
seen to breathe for at least 7 minutes.
Ron: *Muttered* If
that's a small kiss then I don't want to know what she does with her boyfriend!
*Smothered giggles from everyone. Cho and Harry finally stop kissing*
Cho: You know Harry,
Draco is really mean.
Harry: *Gasping for
air* Of course he is!
Cho: And ugly and
horrible and I don't love him!
Harry: *Hopefully*
Really?
Cho: Yeah! In fact…I think I
love you!
Harry: *Grins* It's
about time you figured it out!
Cho: *Rolls her eyes*
Geez, you're modest aren't you.
*Forgetting the conversation Harry and Cho lock lips again,
leaving everyone wondering how they do it (Kiss without breathing! I sincerely hope you weren't thinking
anything else! People nowadays…)
Me: *Looks at Kirsten
who is glaring at her* What?
Kirsten: You're the author of this fic!
Me: *Rolls eyes
(Hehehe…are you getting annoyed with that?)* Your point being?
Kirsten: I WANT HARRY!
Me: To bad! Anyway guys, I think this party is breaking
up.
Everyone:
AAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Did you have fun?
Chrestomanci:
Yes! A lot of it too.
Dumbledore: *Eyes
twinkling* Quite nice. Very amusing.
Gandalf: An enriching
experience. Fun too.
Bluebottle: I is
happy…I has not been deaded…Thank you my cap-i-tan!
Ron: Neat! I still don't get how you play sardines
though…
Harry: *Briefly coming
up for air* I got a girlfriend out of it didn't I? It was fun!
Cho: *Having come up
for the same reason* I got a boyfriend! It was fun! *As an afterthought*
And I learned that you think sardines are more important then me…
*They go back to their previous *Ahem* business, and we
all…wait…can you guess what we do? Yep,
we all roll our eyes!*
Hermione: It was
great. I especially liked seeing Ron
when he thought he was an angel!
Ron: WHAT!?!?!?!?!
Me: *Cracking up at
that* Well…I…I…I had fun…hehehe…hahaha…HAHAHAHAH
HA!
*Soon everybody is laughing, even Harry and Cho who finally
unlocked their lips from each others, but haven't taken their eyes off each
other yet…as Ron would say "Honestly!"*
Me: Well, everybody
had fun. Maybe we'll do this again
sometime…
~*~The End
(For now…)~*~
Disclaimer: Chrestomanci belongs to Diana Wynne Jones, Gandalf belongs to J.R.R Tolkien, Bluebottle belongs to the BBC, Alice and Kirsten belong to themselves, Cho, Harry, Ron and Hermione belong to J.K. Rowling, I belong to myself, my mother belongs to herself and…and…oh yeah, Voldemort belongs to J.K. Rowling. That's it folks…should I write more of these? READ AND REVIEW!