Part 3- The highly requested continuation of "Repercussions"
For Disclaimer, see Part 1:Into the Night
Spoilers: Reference to The Stalker
Anaesthesia
(Dedicated to Chantelle, one of many in my cheering section. Thank you for your encouragement and friendship.)
Admiral Chegwidden's Office
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
09:17 Romeo, July 14
The Admiral leaned back in his chair and hit the button for the intercom. "Tiner!"
"Yes, sir?"
"I could have sworn I saw Colonel MacKenzie this morning. Tell me I'm hallucinating."
"You are not, sir. The Colonel is in her office."
"Get Rabb and MacKenzie in here now."
"Right away, sir."
********
Mac headed to the Admiral's office. Tiner greeted her. "How are you this morning ma'am?" he asked, not sure what else to say.
"I've seen better days."
"You can go right in."
"Thank you, Tiner."
********
Mac entered the office and stood attention. "At ease. What are you doing here, Mac?" he said softly.
"I'm fine, sir." Her eyes were swollen and red from crying and she thought she did a pretty good job with her makeup. She'd hidden her and her mother's black eyes and bruises with great skill. Makeup can cover a multitude of sins.
"The hell you are. Go home, Mac. You need time."
"I'd rather stay."
"That's an order."
"Yes, sir."
"Now, where's Commander Rabb?" asked the Admiral. Suddenly, Harm appeared as if he came out of the air.
"I'm sorry, sir. I was..."
"I don't need to hear it. Take Mac home and stay with her."
"Of course. I tried to get her to stay home, sir."
"Stop talking about me as if I'm not here!" she said, on the verge of tears. "I can get myself home. There's no need for Harm to play chauffeur and I really rather be alone. So if you'll excuse me..." She left the office.
"How are you handling this?"
"I'm fine, sir."
"You're fine, Mac's fine. Well neither of you look damn fine to me. It was your baby too, was it not?"
"Yes, sir."
"You're allowed to hurt and cry, Harm. I know you loved that baby since the moment you became aware of its existence. So please don't try to convince me you're fine."
"I'm in pain, I just don't show it. I have to be the strong one, Admiral."
"Call me, A.J. You can be strong and still mourn at the same time. Newsflash: You're only human. Mourning doesn't make you a weak person. Have you both considered talking to someone? A counselor that deals with this sort of thing?"
"I'm going to. I don't think Mac is so willing, though.
********
Mc Murphy's Bar and Restaurant
Washington, DC
11:32 Romeo
Mac wore a red tank top and indigo jeans. She sat down at the bar.
"The usual?" asked the bartender.
"Yeah, except for the lemon and water. Give me a vodka on the rocks."
"You sure about that, honey?"
"What are you, the AA Police?" she snapped.
"Coming right up."
He placed the drink in front of her, its familiar wicked scent assaulting her nostrils. It didn't take too much alcohol to get her drunk. The last time she had fallen off the wagon was over three years ago. She hadn't touched a drop, until now. The bartender took her keys and called a cab. He walked her outside making sure she got in it. Only then when she was in the cab he knew she was a danger to no one but herself, he gave her keys back
********
Mac's Apartment
Georgetown, MD
13:02 Romeo
Mac stumbled inside of her apartment. She drew all of the drapes closed, reveling in the dark silence. She felt very nauseous. Her head hurt, her eyes hurt. She had been without alcohol for so long, her body was on over load and couldn't handle it. She threw up many times before passing out on her couch. Alcohol. Anaesthesia. For a little while, she could be numb and not feel. For a little while she could forget and escape
********
18:01
Harm called her several times to check up on her, but she never answered. He left messages on her voice mail she didn't check. He figured she had shut the ringer off and slept. He needed to talk to her, he didn't want to bother her anymore tonight.
********
Mac continued to alienate herself from everyone. Harm had come by twice and she had chased him away. Both times she hadn't started drinking for the day yet. The only time she ever went out was to a bar when she was lonely, or to the liquor store when she felt like drinking alone.
She averted everyone calls and let voice mail and her answering machine pick up. She only answered some to keep up her charade. She and Harm played phone tag, talking to each other's voice mail.
Renée could not be charged with murder, it was early in the pregnancy and the baby wasn't even considered a human being yet. Mac opted not to press assault charges against Renée. Renée wasn't even aware of Mac's pregnancy. She didn't intentionally try to kill the baby. Besides, the doctors couldn't rule out other possible causes for the miscarriage. Renée may have not been to blame at all. Even if she was at fault, nothing could bring their baby back.
********
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
16:33 Romeo, July 20
Harm didn't know what to do. He didn't know why she was trying to drive him away. He knew she was hurting still, but she had made it clear he was the last person she wanted to be comforted by. He was determined. He wouldn't let her go this easy, he loved her more than anything else. It pained him to remember her reaction when the nurse who wheeled her out said that they could try again as soon as they were ready. Mac had been appalled at the suggestion that their baby could be so easily replaced.
He was tired of giving her space. She was unusually aloof. Something was definitely amiss and it was more than grieving over the loss of their baby. She insisted she just needed a little more time, every time he had spoken to her. She sounded more and more depressed. He refused to allow her to sink further and further into her own little world.
********
Mac's Residence
Georgetown, MD
17:03 Romeo
Harm knocked on the door. "Mac, I know you're home. Your car's here, that's what you get when your trying to hide out and you have a cherry red Vette. You can't miss it. C'mon, Mac. We need to talk. I miss you."
She unhooked the chain. He opened the door. The apartment was partially dark, but there was enough light for him to see that she looked like hell.
"Please, go away." she said, her voice full of pain. She was on the verge of crying.
"I've left you alone long enough. Too long. I'm not leaving."
"Please, Harm...." She pleaded.
"I'm not leaving you like this."
He spotted a bottle on her coffee table. He stepped closer. She reeked of alcohol. "Oh, God!" he said, "You were doing so good." Didn't she realize alcohol was to blame in the death of her first baby? Or did she choose to ignore that fact and wallow in her own self pity instead? He caught her in the process of her own self destruction. He knew it scared and humiliated her for him to see her like that.
In lieu of yelling at her, he held her. She cried in his arms. "Why didn't you come to me?"he asked softly.
"I'm sorry." she said. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"The one you're hurting the most is yourself."
"I'm just so alone." she sobbed.
"You'll always have me. We'll help each other."
"I don't deserve you." she said, pulling away.
"Your talking crazy, Mac. Now go get dressed Beltway burgers on me."
********
A.A. Meeting Hall
Georgetown, MD
16:27 Romeo, July 31
Mac gripped Harm's hand tightly. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"he asked.
"I need to do this by myself. I need to make sure I'm not coming here because the people I care about think I should. I need to know that I'm doing it for myself. I love you, Harm. No one has gone as far as you have for me." She looked toward the double doors and turned back toward him. "I should go, it's about to start." He smiled at her.
********
They had been through so much together for the past five years, but he knew they were going to make it. They had gone to see a grief counselor together on Saturday and he felt it had helped them both. Mac seemed better everyday, while his own pain dulled. Their emotional wounds would never fully heal, but they started to learn how to cope.
********
Harm's Residence
North of Union Station
05:23 Romeo, October 21
"What's the verdict?" Harm asked, peeking over Mac's shoulder. She swatted him with the newspaper. He nibbled on her ear.
She smiled. "Pending."
"How much longer before the jury comes back?"
"Three minutes and counting." She was happy and grinning. He hoped the expression would stay there. He couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment on her face like she had in August and September when they learned she wasn't with child. He couldn't bear to see that look on his own face again.
********
05:26 Romeo
The kitchen timer buzzed. It was time. Harm and Mac looked at each other and ventured into the bathroom to discover the awaiting results. They knew what color meant "Yes." and what color meant "Sorry, try again next time," having seen the latter twice before.
How does the jury find? She lifted the stick up from the bag she had hidden it behind and held it up for both of them to see, revealing it's true colors.
********
(No, I didn't "forget" to give the "verdict," you'll just have to wait. I felt this particular part of the story was woven pretty weak, so I wanted to keep you on your toes for Part 4. Everything will be cleared up in a story entitled "Family." PLEASE WRITE A REVIEW:o) THANKS:o)