Veronica's Tale
Veronica's Tale
A scuttling could be heard across the rooftops,
Of the one for whom evil's buck stops,
The sky was pitch, as pitch as black,
But loud as the fool who sits on a tack,
For the world seemed to crash about everyone's ears,
For the biggest horror of anyone's greatest fears
Was created by that maddest, the greatest villain of all,
That super genius monkey who wasn't all too tall,
The one whose name everyone in the world did know,
That primate that only went by the name Mojo Jojo.
His creation reared its hideous, horrible head,
Dashing out buildings and spreading a wave of dread,
Everyone on earth who could help was on call,
But so far they'd been practically little help at all.
The man who cruised the skies from roof to roof,
Had remained thus far the most blatantly aloof,
Searching for weakness in the enemy he faced,
But while assessing the task his heart began to race,
His mind with hopelessness and sheer awe was filled,
How could a fifty story tall Brittany Spears be killed?
Superman tried first, but was utterly crushed,
His attempts thwarted by a mash from her bust,
Then Wonder Woman was next, her lasso held high,
Stopped in her tracks by a formidable cry,
Which some believed was some sort of song,
And I refuse to believe it, no song could be so wrong.
Batman and Robin then had their fair go,
And my oh my, it was quite a good show,
But in the end, like the others, their attempt bore no fruition,
Grande Miss Spears would be stopped at no one's volition.
Then from Japan a plane flew to the vicinity,
And from it came the great Sailor Senshi,
And from other worldly parts the greatest army of all time
Gathered to defeat this terrible aberration, this slime,
Everyone declared that Mojo Jojo had surely gone too far,
For such a thing upon everyone would leave a mental scar,
As this was one babe even Johnny Bravo wouldn't hit on,
Her untalented shrieks made everyone wish they were dead, gone,
It was so bad that the heroes all came to agree,
That it was worse than last night's giant Barney.
Some thought that they had died and gone to hell,
And it was truth, as far as anyone thus could tell,
But some still had hope that the heroes would succeed,
And our roof-dwelling hero, Spiderman, agreed.
The senshi failed, despite a Sailor Planet attack,
And all the while Spidey's brain he did rack,
There had to be some weakness, some way to stop her,
Her flesh-baring clothing was begining to disturb
The children, they wailed, and covered their ears,
As oops I did it again gave them nightmares for years,
Baby hit me one more time, the monstrosity called,
I wish someone would hit you, said someone appalled.
She terrorized the city by rubbing her chest,
All over anyone or anything undressed.
Spiderman retired to his home for a moment of thought,
To wonder how such a dastardly being could be fought.
He watched the TV, trying to get away from the news,
To find something that might serve as a muse,
And lo and behold! The infamous discovery channel,
There was a series on hunting told by some guy named Dannel,
Where a tribe of a couple of stealthy men,
Took down a wildebeest, their method bringing Zen,
To Spidey who now knew the plan that would take place,
Spears would go down, right in Jojo's face!
Thus Spidey left again to swing amongst the rooftops,
Surveying the damage, knowing he'd pull all the stops.
Spidey called for the aid of the heroes, all fallen,
Hey all, let's give this ho bag a maulin'!
And so his plan to them he leaked,
And everyone's interest was undoubtedly piqued.
We'll defeat the freak and huck her into the lake,
By the means of her very own name sake!
Thus the building began, it was quick,
For any more of the woman would make everyone sick,
And each had their own weapon, and they let out a cheer,
For they dove after Brittany each wielding a spear!
The great beast let out a hideous wallow,
But easier than her singing it was to swallow,
And the spears pierced that which Spidey thought was her weak spot,
Those little additions which made twelve year olds find her hot,
The resulting flood was prepared for in advance,
Or silicone would be for weeks staining the people's pants.
The town was evacuated, so the creature was left to drown,
In her own breast implants, the biggest in the town,
After all were sure that she was surely good and dead,
After even Superman gave her a final kick in the head,
Her body was barbecued in the biggest skewer ever,
And her head was put on a great gigantic tether,
On a world that Superman had visited that appreciated the loads,
He also took the silicone, for they used it to pave roads,
And nothing was wasted, the city was repaired,
It was better than ever, and every life was spared.
Words Between Veronica and those in the Van
David frowned, not believing he was shown up,
You're just bitter, because you have an A cup!
Veronica frowned, and replied in kind,
Just wait, young man, I'll give you a piece of my mind--
But she was stopped before landing her punch,
By Lyle, who had a rather good hunch,
That he'd have to break it up if blows were landed,
And the both he readily reprimanded,
Don't talk about my woman like that, he said,
Or I'll beat you like you've never seen,
For that comment was way too mean,
And Veronica, don't start a fight, are you crazy?
You have the strength of a frog, you're so lazy.
I'll tell a story, neutral to everyone in the car,
So that we don't kill each other before we get very far.
The host was relieved, she wouldn't have to erupt,
Stop the car and then tie everyone up.
My story will be one that will help everyone relax,
A thriller that no one's conscience will tax.
So everyone simmered down to listen to what he had to say,
Hoping that his tale would surely save the day.