I lied before, this is not the conclusion, but part 5 of 6.

I hear Roger coming up the stairs. I know it is him because he always climbs them the same way. I take a deep breath. I know this isn't going to be easy. I hear him fumble with the lock and finally open the door.

"Mark, are you home?"
"I'm right here Roger." I speak to him without looking up. I pretend to be very interested in the New York Times that I bought three weeks ago.

"Mark… I'm…. Are you ok?"
I give him a thumbs up signal. I don't want him to see my face. Both my eyes are bruised and my nose is swollen. I try to cover my face with the newspaper, as well as hide the tears that seem to uncontrollably fall. It is so hard for me to be mad at him.

"Mark, listen, I'm sorry I hit you. I just… these past few days…. My parents, then Collins… I didn't know how to deal with things, I still don't."

I finally look up from the newspaper, "So you deal with them like this?" I point to my face.

"Oh God Mark, I don't know what to say…"
"You know what Roger, save it. I don't even care anymore. You don't treat your friends this way."
"Mark, I know… listen I need your help or else I'm going to do something stupid."
"Like what? Punch your best friend?"

"No… I mean…"
"Roger, cut the shit, really. I don't even want to hear it anymore." I look right at him, and lose all hopes of composure. "I LOST COLLINS TOO! It is not just about you! Mimi, Angel even April were my friends and I loved them! But its you everyone is worried about. You're the one everyone checks in on. Mark will be ok, its Roger who has really lost the most. It's not always about you, the world fucking does not revolve around you!"
"I know the world doesn't revolve around me Mark, it's just that…"

"Whatever… I don't want to, NO! I can't deal with this right now." I grab my coat. "I just need to get out of here." I grab my keys and walk out the door.

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Mark has never spoken like that to me before. I go over to the window and watch him on the street. He seems to really hate me now. If I don't have Mark in my life… what do I have anymore?

I reach into my pocket and pull out the stash. I toss it back and forth between my hands. Mark's right, I shouldn't depend on him so much. I need to be able to fix my own pain and there is only one way I know how.

I go to bathroom, and search for some of the medical supplies left behind after Mimi.... My hands are trembling, but I try not to think about what I am doing. I sit down at the table and open the stash. I take a good whiff of it. I move quickly and the steps come right back to me.

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I walk out onto the street, but I don't know where to go. I did it. I told Roger off. I can't believe it. I feel actually relieved but drained. I hope he gets the point. Our friendship cannot go on the way things were. He has to know how much he means to me, but I need to know in return He has taken me for granted for too long.

Back to my problem of where to go. I feel like filming, but I left my camera back in the loft. I look up at the window. I could just go in, not say a word, take it and leave. Knowing Roger he is probably sulking and wouldn't notice anyway.

I walk up the stairs; I go as quietly as I can. I don't want to give him forewarning that I'm coming. I try the door, but it is locked. Did I lock the door? I fumble with my keys and finally get the door open.