Disclaimer: I own none of the resident evil characters, places or things. They all belong to Capcom and other involved companies. I own none of them. I'm simply writing this for the enjoyment of others.
Well look at me! Here I am writing yet another piece of this trash. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess ill just have to finish this stupid thing and be done with it. Well, as before, read at your own risk.
A NIGHT OUT AT SPENCER ESTATE
PART 2
Jill and Barry had been walking around for what seemed like hours. Jill had finally managed to get Barry to stop asking what things were but she knew that that was only a temporary solace. They are now walking into a new room they hadn't investigated yet.
"WOW!" Barry said as he entered the room.
"What is it?" Jill asked, as she trailed a few feet behind him. She immediately scolded herself mentally for her mistake.
"A dinning room!" Barry replied surprisingly. Jill breathed a sigh or relief at that.
"Whew."
"Wait a minute! I've found something! …What is this!"
"Damnit Barry! It's a table!"
"No, I mean what is 'THIS'!?!"
"GOOD GOD BARRY! Put that thing away right now! And pull your pants back up! And on a more personal note, if we survive this, I would go see a doctor about that 'green' anomaly if I were you!"
Barry flinched at Jill's advice but slowly nodded his head.
"Look Jill, you scout ahead and see if you can find anymore clues. I'll be examining 'this'."
"Uhh.. yeah sure. Whatever floats your boat Barry." Jill said as she nervously inched her way out of the room, wanting to be as far away from Barry as he 'explored' himself, as possible.
****
Meanwhile Chris was still on his journey for the Zombie toilet paper.
"Hmmm… Now where could it be…"
As he walked down into the third floor he saw dozens of zombies oddly rubbing their eyes for some reason.
"Hmm… must be pink eye. I better stay away from them."
Then Chris saw the storage room and made his way to that. Chris cringed as her heard weird noises from within.
"UUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……"
SPLOCK
"OOOHHHHHHH!!!!"
Chris opened the door cautiously, not knowing what to expect.
PSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"OH GOD NOOO!!!! SOMEONE PISSED IN MY EYES!!!!"
When he finally realized it wasn't piss he calmed down slightly but was still panicking.
"WHOA SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! WHAT IS IT?"
Rebecca saw her mistake once she saw it was a human. "Oh, oh no! Oh well I don't really give a damn anyway. You had it coming, sneaking up on me like that."
Chris was still wiping his eyes.
"Damnit! What the fuck are you doing with mace anyway? That shit can't do anything to Zombies. All it does is pisses them off. How the hell did you manage to survive this long with that shit anyway?"
"Well… that's not all I used."
Chris gave her a curious look.
"Oh? And what else did you use then?"
"This!" Rebecca said, proudly holding up the tip of her shoe which was now covered in blood. In the distance Chris saw the sprawled out form of a dead Zombie with its nether regions caved in.
Chris shuddered then began to back away from Rebecca and her boot of justice. "Uh I think I'll leave now. Heh heh heh…"
"No wait! I want to come with you!"
"Oh God…"
****
Deep within a dang dark 'evil person's' part of the mansion, Wesker watched from afar as the stars made their way though the mansion.
"Ha ha ha, Soon I will destroy the Stars! Ha ha ha! And then I will finally achieve my life time dream! A chance to be on Jerry Springer and see all those naked chicks! Ha ha ha!"
RING RING
"Huh?"
RING RING RING
"Uhh… Hello?"
"Hi! Yeah Can I get one large pizza, extra cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms, black olives,-"
"Hey hey! Who the fuck do you think I am? I'm trying to plan a diabolical scheme here! I'm very busy! Leave me alone!"
"…Ok… Sooo… uhh can I order now?"
"What the fuck?!? This isn't a fucking Pizza restaurant you jackass! So just fuck off!"
"Ok, ok, I'm sorry alright? Look I know how hard it is to get pepperoni toppings at this time of the night so ill just go with the black olives, mushrooms, and-"
"What the hell is wrong with you? This isn't a pizza joint! I don't have pizza's here! This is a fucking mansion you dipshit! With lots and lots of killer fucking Zombies! So just FUCK OFF!"
"… Ok…bye."
CLICK
"Damn no good dumbasses…"
Wesker walked back to his desk to continued monitoring his former comrades, still slightly peeved over the phone call.
"Now lets see if I can-"
RING RING RING
"Damnit!"
"Hello"
"Hi, I'd like to order one large pizza with extra-"
"WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST TELL YOU?!?!? I DON'T HAVE PIZZA'S HERE! THIS IS SPENCER ESTATE!"
"Ooook… Riiiiiiight… So anyway, you deliver right?"
"HOLY FUCKING HELL!!!!!!! LISTEN TO ME YOU DUMBASS! NO PIZZA'S! UNDERSTAND??? NO TOPPINGS! NO DELIVERIES! NO FUCKING PEPPERONI! THIS IS A MANSION!!!!!!!!!"
"Hmmm… ok so your saying you don't sell pizza's right?"
"YES!!!!!!"
"And no more pepperoni huh?"
"RIGHT!!!! NO MORE!!! ALL GONE!"
"Umm,hmm well in that case let me just get your three cheeser crazy bread please."
"AAHHHRRRRR THAT'S IT!!!!!! IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!"
CLICK
And with that, Wesker put on his trademark 'badass' glasses and goes off to pursue this pizza caller.
Well now, will Wesker destroy this innocent pizza caller? Will Chris be able to protect his manhood from the wrath of Rebecca's boot of fury while at the same time be able to find the toilet paper? And what's with Berry? Will he ever find a cure for his malady?
Ok I know this one was bad! Sheesh I'm sorry I had good Idea's in the beginning then I kinda lagged off a little bit. Well, as always I'm free for comments and ridicule in my reviews. I promise I'll try to come up with something very funny for the next installment. Thanks for reading.
-Cordis