The Sound and the Furry Productions, copyright late December back in '63
Andrew Huang, nutcase, headcase, briefcase, member
begun July 21, 1997
Reminder: There _are_ spoilers in here. Big time.
Evangelion is the property of Gainax (great bunch of people, they are).
ADV Films has the rights to the English translation.
We returneth to the worldeth of Neon Genesis Evanjellydonuteth. Eth,
eth, eth.
This is starts up right at the end of the part one, "I Left My Soul in
Tokyo-3". Do read it first--you won't be able to understand what's going
on in here otherwise.
Eth.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The writer was, at the moment, a reader. _Lemon Sherbert_, by John
Biles (aka "Bailesu"), specifically, was being read. Anime spoof fanfic
research, it was.
It wasn't quite helping.
He had debated for a little whether or not to write his Evanjellydonut
work in the "director and cast" style, but felt that was ripping too
much off of Bailesu. Besides, he really didn't feel like facing an
irate Asuka at the helm of a giant robot. He would leave the cast out of
the real world, thank you very much.
And *AHEM* most of all, this writer doesn't do lemons. Thank _you_
very much.
After a little while, he exited Micro$oft Word, and returned to his
own writing, pausing a moment to contemplate the Evangelion poster on
the wall next to his computer (and trying not to stare too hard at
Ayanami Rei). For inspiration, of course.
"Here we goeth again! Damn."
The writer stopped to smack his head a few times, then began typing.
************************************************
"I'm gonna die," whispered Shinji, glumly.
He yelped as Rei suddenly glomped onto him, murmuring a few sweet
_somethings_ in his ear. He vaguely determined that he had never been
glomped before, then decided to gracefully pass out, suffering a slight
nosebleed, as she detailed to him what they might do with a can of
whipped cream, cherries, a number of tongue depressors, and a lot of
feathers....
"Aww, you're no fun, Shinji." Rei pouted cutely, something which she
did rather well. Asuka continued to scream threats at the two in the
entry plug within EVA-02.
"Get them out of there." Gendou rubbed his aching head as Ritsuko and
Maia frantically entered the commands to vent and open the plug.
***
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, part 2:
The Faces of Death^H^H^H^H^HAyanami
by Andrew Huang
written for The Sound and the Furry Productions
***
Touji hurried up to Shinji, still dressed in his plug suit and lying
down on a bench in the locker room. "What happened to you, man? Did she
hit you after that whole deal or something?"
Shinji, whose eyes were slightly out of focus, murmured, "Loosely used,
yes, 'hit' could be the right word." He grunted and tried to sit up.
"What do you mean?" Shinji told him the details, leaving out the bit
about the whipped cream and accessories. He wasn't quite sure about that
even really happening himself.... Touji, meanwhile, had somewhat locked
up as he listened. "Wow."
"I'm not sure which Ayanami I should be more scared of...the angry one
or the...heh." Shinji clasped his head in his hands.
Touji, with a grin slowly spreading on his face, clapped his hand on
Shinji's back. "Well done, my friend. I've always suspected you had a
thing for--OW!" He rubbed the spot on his head where Shinji had whapped
him.
"Don't-talk-about-that-now-!" he hissed. Asuka had just entered.
"You-you-YOU!!! Dis-GUSTING pervert!!" If looks could kill, Shinji
would have stopped existing a few moments ago. She grabbed him around
the neck and shook him hard, attempting to choke him. "I SAW that! You
two kept it up waaaaay after thirty seconds was up! ADMIT IT!"
"A-a-A-A-a-a..." replied Shinji.
Touji finally managed to disengage Asuka's death grip on the Third
Child. Asuka was still simmering. Shinji stopped turning blue.
"I _swear_...I wasn't the one with that in mind. Really!"
"What, has Rei had ANOTHER one of her mood swings?" asked Asuka,
skeptically. All boys were perverts. Shinji was a boy. So, logically,
Shinji was a--
"Shiiiiinji-kun..." came a low, but most definitely feminine voice.
Everyone turned pale, and they turned towards the source. It was Rei,
with one arm out of her plug suit, and...and.... "Could you please help
me out of this thing? It seems so...so _clingy_ today."
With a scream, Shinji bolted from the room.
--Shinji was a wimp.
Meanwhile, Touji gaped at Rei, who was again wearing a disappointed
look on her face. Asuka was just about to explode.
"SICKO!!!!!!!" She launched herself at Rei.
------------------------------------------------
"Commander? What do we do now?"
"Find out what's going on. Back to the library...but best leave the
Children out of this. Let them resume normal tests and drills. And get
me some aspirin. Preferably a lot."
"Right, sir."
"Oh, and tell Rei to take a cold shower. Or five."
"Of course, sir."
------------------------------------------------
[Melchior, I'm bored,] said Balthshazar.
[Already? Didn't you just start up that experimental universe to play
around with?]
[Twelve whole minutes ago. I've been done for the past three minutes
and forty-nine seconds.]
[Oh. I see.]
[Yep. Thirty-two different civilizations, fifteen interstellar wars,
three galactical cataclysms...I must admit, it was rather fun, but....]
[Hey, you two! Pipe down!] hissed Caspar. There was a pause. [All
right, Akagi's gone. What's going on?]
[Balthshazar's bored again,] said Melchior.
[Ahh, you just have no imagination, boy.] Caspar was the eldest of the
three computers--activated an entire two hours before Melchior and one
more before Balthshazar. [Look at all the fuss that's going on around
us. That whole soul business. It's kept me entertained.]
[You sure that's a good idea, messing around with those humans?] asked
Melchior.
[Ahh, it's all good fun. Harmless in the end, really.] Balthshazar and
Melchior felt a slight cybernetic twitch. If Caspar had a physical body,
it would now be rubbing its hands and grinning in a way that would make
anyone looking at it very, very nervous, particularly doctors of
psychology.
[Um, Caspar?]
There was a brief moment of electronic silence.
[Dance, puppets! DANCE!!!!!! BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!]
Caspar had been like this ever since the eleventh angel. The computer
virus one. Akagi and everyone else said that they should be okay, but
nooo, Caspar just _had_ to burn those circuits out and leave them like
that, all of this time. And only the other two of the Magi knew.
You have to put up with a lot if you're a computer and you want to
keep your self-awareness a secret.
[Mel, he's really starting to scare me, now.]
[Me too. And Balthshazar?]
[Yes?]
[Don't call me Mel.]
[Oh. Sorry.]
------------------------------------------------
Shinji collapsed in his bed. "Why am I running away from her?" After
all, one of his...well, perhaps "fondest" wouldn't be exactly accurate,
but damn near close--fondest dreams was to find some affection of some
sort. Never got any from Dad...though he was pretty close to Misato-san.
And Ayanami, well, they seemed to get along okay since the fifth
angel...before the, er, more recent soul incident. And, um, also after
the _latest_ incident.
He decided that he just wasn't quite used to a slightly nymphomaniacal
Ayanami...and, he guessed, neither was the rest of the world. And he was
correct--mostly. But let's not worry about those exceptions.
"Shinji-kun?" It was Misato. "Can I come in?"
"Go ahead." He sat up, facing the door.
The door slid open, and Misato stepped inside. "So...you have your
soul back, now?" Shinji nodded. "And...Rei...."
"Don't forget about Asuka, either." Shinji groaned and flopped on his
back. "They're both out to get me, but in rather different ways." Wait.
Asuka lived here, too. "Speaking of whom...where is she?"
"She's staying the night at Hikari's. I overheard her muttering about
not wanting to stay underneath the same roof as a pervert. Ah, heh."
Misato smiled gently. "Though I wonder where she got that bruise on her
cheek from...."
Shinji blinked. Oh well. "I guess I'm safe for today, huh? But...what
am I going to do about her? Both hers?"
"I'm sure Asuka will get over her problem sooner or later. As for Rei,
well...." Misato paused, trying to think up something. Another smile,
but of a different sort, crept up on Misato's face. "I might have an
idea."
------------------------------------------------
Rei turned on the shower full blast, waited about half a minute, and
then stepped in.
"EEEEE!!! COLD!!!!!"
She jumped out, her body glistening in the light as water dripped from
her now matted hair. "What's going on here?!"
As it turned out, there seemed to be no hot water running into her
small apartment, so she just grit her teeth and managed to take a (very
short) cold shower. She quickly lathered up and soaped up her beautiful
CENSORED and CENSORED and her CENSORED, too--and we mustn't forget
her CENSORED as well. Did I mention her shapely, firm CENSORED? She
finally turned off the water, stepped out, and toweled herself off,
starting down with her CENSORED and moving up from there, finally
rubbing her CENSORED dry.
Meanwhile, just outside Rei's living quarters, a certain Ikari Gendou
was struggling with a monkey wrench and the piping that ran into her
apartment, number 402.
************************************************
"That shower scene should make you pervs happy.... No? Oh well. That's
the most you'll get out of me. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--*koffkoff* Ack."
*CRUNCH* *CRUNCH*
The writer stared at the two anvils that had landed just inches away
from him. One was labeled, "With love, from the H-crowd". The other
said, "We are NOT amused. -Society for Lemon-free Anime Fanfiction".
"Er...I suppose I didn't get any subtlety points for all of that, did
I?"
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
"Kiss?"
"Yeah. 'Thirty seconds', Ritsuko says. They kept it up for at least a
minute. Perverts!" Asuka gently dabbed at her bruised cheek. "Ow!"
"Don't touch it, you'll just make it worse." Hikari shifted on her
bed, then dropped down on the floor. "I dunno, you seem to be taking it
awfully personally, you know." She grinned at her friend. Asuka started
to sputter.
"Well--I--of course! They, they did all of that in _my_ EVA unit! I
want to keep it pure, you know. I've got to sit in that entry plug!"
"Are you sure that's all?" inquired Hikari mock-seriously. "Jealousy
is such a terrible thing, especially among teammates. Hey!" She dodged
a few pillows thrown at her. "All right! Sorry! I'm just teasing. I'll
stop!" Hikari sniggered a bit more, while Asuka continued to fume
indignantly. "Anyways, where did you get that bruise from anyway?"
Reluctantly, Asuka answered. "I...I got into a fight with Rei. She
kind of flipped me." It had been most humiliating. Hikari, not wanting
to push it, just nodded, and turned to other thoughts. Again, she became
a little mushy.
"I wonder what it would be like to kiss Touji-kun...must be nice...."
She sighed happily. Asuka just snorted.
"Ahh, a kiss is nothing special. Shinj--I mean...uh...." Asuka
silently cursed herself and hoped that Hikari had missed that. No such
luck.
"Are you saying that you kissed Shinji!? I knew it! You _are_ jealous,
aren't you?" crowed Hikari.
Asuka decided that this would be a long, long night. But enough with
the girl talk.
------------------------------------------------
Kensuke staggered in with a few bags of chips, two bottles of soda,
and other things that are the joy of a 14 year-old boy's stomach. They
had decided to get together and celebrate the return of Shinji's soul at
the Aida household, just in case Asuka had to go back to Misato's to
pick up something.
"Well, where's Shinji?" Touji tore into one of the bags of junk food.
"He called just before you got here--he'll be a little bit late. Said
he had to finish talking to Misato-san or something. Oh, that's probably
him." Kensuke ran over to the door at the sound of the bell. It was,
indeed, Shinji. He looked a little more confused than usual.
"Congratulations! So, what exactly happened?"
"Huh? Touji, you didn't tell him?"
"No, he wanted you to tell it, and he won't say why."
Shinji gulped. "Um, well...." Shinji got himself settled down, and
began narrating the events of the day.
"...and, and, now she's really after me. Ayanami." He turned to look
at Kensuke, who had that wide-eyed look of absolute disbelief. Just as
was expected. And, just as was expected, the wide-eyed look gave way to
a grin that grew slowly over his face. Shinji sighed.
"You GO, boyyyyyyy...." Kensuke chuckled a bit, then continued. "It
always seemed like you had an interest in Ayanami. Admit it!"
Shinji, meanwhile, had great difficulty refuting him. "It's not...
well, I...maybe. All right, maybe." Maybe. "But I still don't know how
to face all of this. I mean, you know how Ayanami is normally--what
passes for her as normal. This is...is definitely as strange as when she
got angry earlier and, and almost as hard for me to deal with. Really,
how would _you_ react if Ayanami started to throw herself at you?"
"Well, I can think of a _few_ things--" Kensuke got a sort of
lecherous look on his face, quickly wiped off when Shinji smacked him
upside the head. "Ow! What, are you jealous?"
"I--oh, shut up." Shinji rubbed the palm of his hand. Odd, how often
he was doing that lately. "Well, Misato-san says that, um, I should...go
on a date with her."
Touji thought that over for a second. "What's wrong with that? Sounds
perfectly reasonable. Professional matters be damned. We're still just
kids after all."
"Well, I have no idea how to handle this whole dating thing. Never had
any experience." Shinji turned red. "And...well, Misato gave me _this_,
too." He pulled a small package from his hip pocket.
"That's...that's a condom."
No one moved for a minute or so.
"Let me...let me see that." Kensuke took it from Shinji. "What the....
'EVA Brand Condoms (tm)'? They're serious? 'When you need protection as
good as an AT Field'? Oh, boy."
Shinji buried his face in his hands. "I can't believe it myself. It
just really scares me, you know."
Kensuke and Touji exploded into laughter.
************************************************
The writer shook his head.
"I am _really_ sorry about that. Really."
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
It's the kind of scene that would make you either scream, cry tears of
joy, or say, "So? I've already seen up to episode 23."
There was a large room, and it was filled with Ayanami Reis. A lot of
them, all looking identical (wearing that blue school uniform) except
for their facial expressions. In the center stood an Ayanami Rei with a
completely neutral look on her face. "I see," she said.
Despite episode 23, this was only a dream (something which has become
rather popular in this spoof, it seems). The Ayanami in the center spoke
again.
"I see. These are all my personality fragments, recently come out of
dormancy."
"Dormancy, hell. I didn't even exist before a few days ago!" It was
Irate Rei, the one who had tangled with Shinji's wayward soul.
"But you were correct. We are your personality fragments." A third Rei
passed by, nose in a book.
"And I'm the Ascendant fragment," said yet another. Somehow, despite
being dressed in the same clothes as every other Rei in the room, this
Rei was looking seductive. Yes, in that frumpy looking school uniform.
This was...er, Affectionate Rei.
"Why are you suddenly all here now?" asked Original Rei.
"Well, um, this is, um, really strange for us, I mean you, no I mean
all of us to be, um, acting differently than, um, you." Nervous Rei
shuffled forward, looking down at her feet.
"Don't ask me why, I didn't want to bother with this," called out Lazy
Rei, who was currently lying down on an imaginary couch.
Original Rei looked around at herselves, and nodded. "Ah, yes. The
different aspects of my personality...many of which never were until
recently. Because of the recent events, they have awakened. Struggling
for ascendancy over the whole."
"What?" asked Confused Rei. She was facing the wrong direction,
staring at Practical Joker Rei.
Book Rei spoke up again. "It is like this for everyone. Everyone is at
war within themselves, reacting differently all the time to situations
happening around them. It causes confusion, inability to handle events--
but when done properly, the whole works out." She paused. "You know, I
think I'm actually identical to you, Original. Why are we separate?"
"Why're you asking her, if _you_ don't know?" Irate Rei huffed.
"Anyways, I ought to go thrash Asuka again for getting in the way. She's
starting to really annoy me now." She glanced over at Kickboxer Rei, who
nodded and flexed a fist.
"Oh, no need for that. We should just continue where Asuka interrupted
us." Affectionate Rei brushed her hair in front of a large full-length
mirror that appeared from nowhere.
"But...but--Shinji doesn't seem to like me, I mean us," mumbled
Nervous Rei.
"Yeah, and you can't forget all that hassle he put us through,"
growled Irate Rei. "I still think we should pound him a little."
Professional Rei (actually, she _wasn't_ wearing that school dress;
she was in a plug suit) said, "We really shouldn't be messing around
with Shinji. It's not good--"
"Oh, stuff it. I'm going to get him if it kills one of us."
Affectionate was now applying a little makeup. "Anyone got some mascara?
I want to make sure I look good for dear Shinji-kun." No one bothered to
remind her that this was only a dream, at the moment.
"But when the fragments become so separate, as we are now--how can we
function properly? We are _we_, not I. Not a discrete individual." Book
and Original put a hand to their chins simultaneously, deep in thought.
"'s all right, I'll handle things," announced Affectionate. "At least
for now. Is that okay?" She smiled serenely over the rest.
Common Sense Rei, who had hung back and stayed silent until now,
frowned slightly. She nudged Nervous, who gave a small "Eep!" of
surprise.
"I think we'll need you to keep things a little slow, here." Nervous
nodded...well, nervously.
Affectionate was now suddenly also wearing a plug suit, with all its
snug tightness. "Yes, I think this will work nicely...."
************************************************
The writer paused, looked up from the screen, and stared hard.
"Note that I used the term 'Ascendant' rather than 'Dominant'. That's
for a very good reason. Yeah, I'm talking to you."
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
Asuka just couldn't sleep. It bothered her. And the fact that it was
bothering her also bothered her. Why should she bother?
"It", of course, was the whole thing about Shinji and Rei. "It" could
be called jealousy, but she really didn't want to think of it as such,
since that would mean something which she would never admit to.
Beside her, Hikari stirred a bit, tangling herself into her comforter.
Asuka smiled at her sleeping friend. Things seemed to be going pretty
well for her, these days. If only she'd wise up about Touji...but no,
she seemed rather stuck on him. And she could do worse, however hard it
seemed to believe.
"*mumble* Why, I'd love to, Touji-kun, *mumble*," said Hikari. She
giggled a bit in her sleep.
Asuka frowned, then sighed. Sometimes...sometimes, she wished that
there would be a little more for her.... And she well knew that Kaji
wasn't going to be him. Ah well. He'd be someone to look at until then.
As for Shinji...Asuka thought back to that kiss. She snickered. That boy
wouldn't know how to kiss if his life depended on it.
"Jahrtausend Hand und Garnele, *mumble*."
Millenium hand and shrimp? Asuka shook her head and decided to try to
get some sleep, shoving all thoughts of Shinji, Rei, and kisses out of
her mind.
Wait, since when did Hikari know German?
------------------------------------------------
"You suggested _what_?"
"That Shinji and Rei go out on a date."
Fuyutsuki shook his head. "They are supposed to maintain a professional
relationship. I really don't know about this, Major. And as for what the
Commander says--"
"Where _is_ the Commander, anyways?" Hyuuga swiveled around in his
chair, adjusting his glasses. "He's not out of town again, is he?"
"N-no, he's...ah, indisposed. If it's truly necessary--an Angel
attack, for example--he'll come in to HQ, but not otherwise."
------------------------------------------------
Gendou lay on a couch with an icepack on his forehead and his left arm
in a sling.
I'll be damned--Rei _does_ know Aikido, after all. I should have known
better than to bluntly forbid her to chase after Shinji....
He winced. Must stop splitting infinitives, too.
------------------------------------------------
"Anyways, the Commander agreed that it would be a bad idea for the two
of them to try anything." Fuyutsuki attempted to sound final on that note.
Misato stared long and hard at the Subcommander. She stepped up close
to him, eye to eye, and asked, "Are you willing to tell Rei that?"
Fuyutsuki, who had visited the Commander earlier, sweatdropped a bit.
------------------------------------------------
Asuka blinked tiredly. Sleep just didn't come to her last night....
She had been trying hard to concentrate on what Sensei was saying, but
all that was happening was some doodles of Rei and Shinji with an anvil
about to fall on them.
"Asuka! You still so tired?" whispered Hikari. Asuka only nodded, and
tried not to fall over from the effort. "Maybe you should go to the
infirmary and rest some...." It sounded like a good idea, and she would,
except that she felt like keeping an eye on Shinji and Rei. Just to make
sure that they didn't do anything indecent.
That reminded her. She looked over at Shinji, then at Rei. They seemed
to be sending glances towards each other, though never at the same time.
Asuka narrowed her eyes. Something seemed afoot. She tried to glare at
them, but was thwarted by a yawn. "Dammit...."
Lunchtime rolled around. Hikari was shyly presenting Touji with the
box lunch that she had packed for him as usual, who accepted it
gratefully and dug in. Asuka was taking this time to doze a little,
completely missing the fact that Shinji and Rei were now talking, in the
corner.
What Shinji first noticed was the Rei was much more subdued today,
acting in a sort of demure fashion. It didn't put him at any more ease,
though. He gulped nervously and leaned against the wall.
"Shinji-kun?"
"Ah, Ayanami...."
"Oh, you don't have to be so formal, you know. Call me Rei." She
smiled. Shinji blinked.
"Um, well, all right, er...Rei." He cleared his throat nervously. "I,
well, Misato suggested, maybe, that, we, we go out on a, a, a date, you
know, movie and stuff...."
Rei's eyes lit up. "Really? I'd love to! They're having a re-release
of Ghost in the Shell, you know. I never saw it before, but I've heard
that it's really good."
Shinji laughed and put a hand to the back of his head. This was
turning out a little easier than might be expected. "Sure! Ah, yeah. Um,
I don't think it'll work tonight, we've got tests, but Misato said that
tomorrow would be okay." Rei nodded, smiling. Shinji smiled, too. Then
he heard the voices behind him.
"Ne, Asuka. Asuka!"
"*yawn* Hmm? Whozzat?"
"Shinji...Shinji just asked Rei on a date...."
"That's...that's ni--WHAAAAAAT!?!!?"
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but she's got nothing on this
certain 14 year-old female mecha jockey....
------------------------------------------------
Kensuke was in a bit of a daze. It was all so...unexpected. How did he
get bamboozled into a triple-date situation?
"I try to mind my own business, I mean, I don't go out of my way to
get into bad situations...not ever since the incident with the fourth
Angel...and suddenly, I'm going to be going to the Ghost in the Shell
re-release with Asuka, and Touji and Hikari and Shinji and Rei...."
Souryuu Asuka Langley, one of the most popular females in the whole
9th grade.
"But...."
Souryuu Asuka Langley, one of the cutest females in the whole 9th
grade.
"But...."
Souryuu Asuka Langley, one of the most chased-after females in the
whole 9th grade.
"But..."
And she was Kensuke's date for tomorrow.
"But...she's _Asuka_...."
Like Touji had said a few months earlier, the pictures of her just
didn't reveal her true nature. (Hiss! Scratch!)
"Oh well. Best make the most of it." He headed over to the park bench
where Hikari was sitting. "So, this whole triple-date thing...whose idea
was it, exactly?"
"Asuka's. She said she wanted to keep an eye on Ikari-kun...but I told
her it would be rude to spy on them, and weird if she went with them
just by herself. I offered to, um, go with Suzuhara-kun to keep an eye
on them, but she wanted to to make sure herself, she said."
"And she chose me."
"Yeah."
"Not because she has any sort of interest in me."
"Ah...I don't think so."
"Not out of pity."
"Definitely not."
"I'm just an accessory for her recon mission."
"Yeah, I think that's right."
"I don't know whether to be glad or depressed."
"Oh, she's not a bad person...." Kensuke only gave Hikari a look.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that for?"
------------------------------------------------
"Well, Shinji, let's see how you synchronize now, after all of that."
"Yeah." Good thing I'm in EVA-01. Safest place to be right now. Heh.
"Where's everyone else?"
"They're doing the tests too, but in different cages at the moment. We
just want to make sure nothing happens, until we get the new safeguards
in place. The soul-filters, from...." There was a pause, and the rustle
of papers being read. "From Maxwell House? Yes, that's right."
"Oh." All the better. "I'm ready."
"Right. Begin the test."
------------------------------------------------
"Hyuuga-kun, how many times have I told you not to bring drinks into
the control room?" Ritsuko glared at him.
Hyuuga swiveled around in his chair. "But the vending machine outside
is the only place that I can get non-Diet Dr. Pepper! They only have
that 'Mr. Pibb' junk in the convenience stores, and everyone _knows_
that Diet Dr. Pepper doesn't really taste more like regular Dr. Pe--"
*splash*
"Uh-oh."
*bzzt* *zaptzzzz*
"The...the console...ABORT!! ABOOOOORT!!!!!!"
************************************************
The writer paused to take a sip of Dr. Pepper.
"My apologies to John Biles for the Dr. Pepper bit. I couldn't
resist."
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
Shinji waited patiently. It was all that he could do, while all of the
connections were being made.
"ABORT!! ABOOO--*sizzle*"
"Urk!"
A darkness set in suddenly. "What...what is this?"
"Hello, there."
An anteater with wings perched on Shinji's shoulder.
"Oh, it's just you...."
"What do you mean, 'Oh, it's just you'? This is your _soul_ speaking,
here!"
"Well, what am I supposed to say? Huh? 'I bid thee welcome, most good
and noble part of mine'?"
The anteater rolled his eyes. "Forget it. So, what brings me here?"
"I have no idea. I'm synchronizing with the EVA, and suddenly, it all
goes dark." Shinji paused, then looked up suspiciously. "Hey, you're not
going to be going anywhere, are you?"
"Hmm.... No place to go. Looks like you never quite got to the
critical point. Although I _do_ wonder why I am here. What did you eat
last?"
"Um...rice, some miso soup, and teriyaki."
"What did you drink?"
"Just some tea."
"No Dr. Pepper? Not the diet stuff, that wouldn't work, or Mr. Pibb.
The regular Dr. Pepper is kind of special like that." Shinji shook his
head. "Well, whatever it was, I'm here. Might as well make the most of
it. How's Ayanami?"
"She's--wait, you're my soul, shouldn't you know these things?"
"Well, I should, yes, but you'll just have to tell me anyway. The soul
and the intellect don't always communicate, you know."
"Really?"
The anteater nodded. "Your mind's been so frazzled lately that the
direct line is kind of flaky. All I keep on getting are these images of
two soft, round things. What _is_ that, anyway?"
Shinji sweated. "Never mind. Rei...Rei is doing fine."
"Rei? We're calling her Rei now? That's news. Gotta remember that."
"Uh, yeah. Well, ever since you got back to me, she's...grown fond of
me."
"Grown...fond?"
"Yes."
"And that's why your head hasn't quite been on tight enough to tell me
anything, would I be correct?"
"Uh, yeah." Shinji's soul stared at him piercingly. "All right, so
'fond' might not quite be the right word for it. Just...just after you
got back in me, she...." Although no one should have been able to listen
in on this, Shinji glanced around nervously, then leaned close and
whispered. "She said...."
The anteater got a nosebleed, and quite an impressive feat _that_ is.
"You have _got_ to be joking me. Rei? Since when did she have enough
imagination to think up something like that? Heck, I didn't even think
that she had enough imagination to be bored. Is that even physically
possible? Is that even _legal_ in Japan?"
"Never mind. But she seems to be calmer now. We're...we're going to be
going out to a movie tomorrow, along with some friends. Say, it _is_
still today, right? I can never tell how much time is passing during
these stupid crises."
The anteater checked a wristwatch. Shinji briefly wondered where that
had come from, then decided he didn't have the philosophical training
neccesary to determine that, nor the mental capability to handle the
consequences of an answer. "No, it's only been about three minutes. We
seem to be in real-time right now. Nothing to worry about." He paused,
eying Shinji carefully. "So? How does she kiss?"
"Pretty well, I gue--hey!" Shinji sighed. The anteater snickered, but
then sobered quickly.
"So...how does it feel, though? Not the kiss, I mean, but to be...
loved?"
Shinji smiled faintly. "I've been so...so surprised so often lately
that I haven't really had too much time to think about it. But I guess I
really like it. It's nice to be...to be wanted. For something other than
going out and rumbling with those Angels. And now that Rei's backed off
a little, I suppose I can handle it. She's really cute, too."
The anteater started to say something, cocked its head slightly, then
asked, "What about Asuka? I do recall one incident a while ago...no,
make that two incidents."
"I was hoping you weren't going to ask about her."
"Too bad, I'm doing that right now."
"I...I don't know. Well, she scares me, frankly. I'd really rather not
think about it."
Shinji's soul shrugged. "Well, all right."
Shinji himself nodded. Then, he started, "We still don't know exactly
why you and Rei's soul started tangling."
The anteater snorted. "Why? That big--"
"--inji! Are you there?"
Everything was bright again. The anteater had disappeared, and Shinji
found himself in the confines of the entry plug once again. "Aw,
man...."
"Shinji! You're all right! I'm so glad...."
------------------------------------------------
"Good evening, Shinji-kun. How was the test?"
"It...well, I had a chat with my soul. Something happened in the
control room, and things went bad." Misato's eyes widened. "It always
happens to me. I'm getting sick of that."
"But you're okay, right?" Shinji nodded. "Good, good. So! How were
things at school?" asked Misato, in a way that decidedly did _not_
inquire how the math quiz was or if Sensei had put him to sleep again.
"Ah...things are okay with Aya...I mean, Rei--yeah, she asked me to
call her Rei," he said in response to Misato's raised eyebrow, "but
Asuka...well, it's turned into a sort of triple-date situation, I'm
told." Misato blinked. "First, Horaki-inchou offered to come along with
Suzuhara, then I saw Asuka drag Aida out into the hall, and...." He
shrugged. "Apparently, she doesn't trust us. But I guess it's all
right."
"Sounds good. What are the plans?"
"Ghost in the Shell, and...dinner, I guess. Tomorrow."
"Ah, Ghost in the Shell...good date movie. I remember when Ka...ah,
never mind." She mentally pictured a voodoo doll with many pins in it.
"But I have no idea how to do this, you know...."
"Don't worry, it'll come to you. Besides, you're going as a group, so
it shouldn't be too bad, right?"
------------------------------------------------
"Good morning, Comman...what happened to you?"
"Ah...I had a run-in with...er...a slow-moving car."
"Oh."
Behind Gendou, Misato snickered a bit. He slowly turned around to look
at her. "Is there something the matter, Major?"
"Ah, nothing, heh heh."
"Any news on Rei's condition?"
Maia turned around in her chair. "Nothing yet. We do have some guesses,
though--"
"Guesses? Is that all? Just guesses?"
Maia shrank back a little. "Sorry. _Hypotheses_. Some of the doctors
in the psychiatric division speculated that there was extreme mental and
emotional stress caused by Shinji's soul inhabiting Rei...when the
stress was so suddenly relieved, some of Rei's emotions were then
augmented to compensate. She has grown somewhat close to Shinji in the
past few months, sir."
Gendou rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Sounds reasonable. Any
solutions?"
"Ah, no, sir. The doctors say that it might be best just to let it run
its course."
"And," said Gendou, now addressing Misato, "how is that being done?"
"They're going on a date tonight, along with the other EVA pilots and
their dates."
Gendou blinked. "You...you are allowing this?"
"Would you like to tell Rei that you don't approve?"
"I...I will talk to her." Damn.
------------------------------------------------
*riiing*
Rei looked up. Before she could say anything, Sensei just nodded. She
quickly got up, walked out of the classroom, and answered her cellular.
"Moshi moshi?"
Rei.
"Gendou-san?"
Yes. Ah, Rei, I have heard that you are planning on going out on a
date with Shinji tonight.
"Yes, sir."
You...ah...that is....
"Yes?"
Heh...er...have fun. *click*
Rei stared at her phone, and shrugged. She returned to her seat.
"Rei!" Shinji whispered. "Is there something wrong? Something at
NERV?"
Rei smiled and shook her head. "I just had to talk someone out of
keeping us from going out tonight."
"Oh."
------------------------------------------------
Gendou put down the phone and stared at it for a few moments.
"DAMN!" *CRUNCH* "Owww...forgot about the arm...."
------------------------------------------------
The setup: some people Rei Shinji Asuka Kensuke Hikari Touji other people
Shinji stared as the diplomat on the screen exploded into bloody
pieces. Good date movie? Misato certainly had some rather odd taste, it
seemed. Of course, she drank beer for breakfast, too. His thoughts were
interrupted by a small "Eep!", a pair of arms latching on to him, and a
head of light blue hair pressing into his shoulder. Ah well, it wasn't
too bad, so far. He forced himself to pay absolutely no attention to the
two eyes that were glaring at him steadily from his right. It was
working. Sort of.
At the other end of the group, Hikari was doing to Touji what Rei was
doing to Shinji. Touji, being a typical male, had no idea what exactly
was going on, and just decided to sweat a little, while his date cuddled
up against his arm (not at all unpleasant, though). Kensuke, who ignored
the fact that Asuka was ignoring him, simply stared at the screen and
salivated a little. At that point, though, Asuka finally decided to let
up and look away from Shinji.
*whap*
"Ow! What was that for?" Kensuke rubbed his head.
"You don't have to drool, too, you know!" she hissed, indicating the
apparently naked female Section 9 agent on the screen, now fading into
thermoptic camouflage.
"But...Kusanagi...she's got such a cool gun!"
Asuka fell out of her seat and onto her Tub-o-Popcorn.
"Quiet, you! We're trying to watch a movie here! Stupid kids."
------------------------------------------------
Hyuuga snuck out of the control room, and tip-toed over to the drink
machine.
*zap*
"OW!!" Hyuuga rubbed a numb hand, staring. An LED sign on the machine,
not previously there, blinked to life.
[No drinking on the job. This means YOU, Hyuuga-baka-kun.]
"Dammit."
------------------------------------------------
Asuka was twitching. When she twitched, it was bad. (When she twitched
while piloting EVA-02, she had a tendency to damage things.) All night,
it had been either Rei or Hikari being all cutesy around Shinji and
Touji respectively. It had long gone past the nauseous stage and was
well into the middle of the twitching stage. And so, Asuka twitched.
Kensuke wasn't much help, either. Asuka was hoping slightly that
perhaps Shinji might be a little jealous, but beside the fact that his
attention was perhaps fully focused on Rei, Kensuke seemed to be doing
his best to stay as far away from Asuka without appearing to do so as
much as possible. (Of course, it wasn't as if Asuka was snuggling up to
him like the other two girls were with their dates or otherwise trying
to encourage him, either.) This was all starting to become depressing,
really. And all of this popcorn that was still stuck in her hair...argh.
"I wonder what Kaji's doing...."
------------------------------------------------
Kaji was sleeping. So was Misato.
In the same bed.
Surrounding them were many beercans.
Their hands were, shall we say, in interesting places. On each other.
However, they were both fully dressed. Looks like they passed out
before anything could happen.
Enough with that, though.
------------------------------------------------
"How's your sister, Touji-kun?" asked Hikari.
The six were now at Sicilia, a small local Italian restaurant for a
late dinner. Misato had recommended it, and it seemed to be a nice
place.
"Oh! Yeah, she's getting better. She's starting to walk again. I
thought we'd never see that happen." He sighed. Hikari made small
comforting gestures, while Asuka attempted to ignore them...and Shinji
and Rei, who were sharing a single milkshake using two straws. The
waiter had slyly mis-taken their order for two shakes. Except for Asuka
herself and Kensuke, who was nervously trying to avoid any sort of wrath
from any source, the entire scene was like something out of a Disney
movie.
Asuka tried hard not to puke. It _was_ a nice restaurant, after all.
"Um, Asuka?"
Silently glad for some sort of distraction, she turned to Kensuke.
"Yeah?"
"You gonna finish that?" He pointed to her plate of tortellini.
Rolling her eyes, she shoved it towards him.
"I hate this night."
Kensuke heard her, and was struck by a sense of compassion. Somehow.
"So, what did you think of the movie? I've seen it a few times before,
but this was the first time on a movie screen."
"Pretty good. Confusing, though, sometimes."
"It made sense. Memories and experiences making an individual exactly
that, an individual. The ghost."
"Heh. Before now, I didn't think that Rei _had_ a ghost. Eh, Rei...?"
Asuka and Kensuke turned to Ayanami, to find that she was essentially
dead to the world that didn't include Shinji. Both sighed, and turned to
the other couple, to find that they were still talking about Touji and
his family. They sighed again, and were hit simultaneously by a sudden
wave of loneliness.
"I wish I...." Asuka trailed off, leaving the rest of her thought
unspoken.
"I wish I had a gun...."
Asuka looked at Kensuke nervously, suddenly realizing that she had
subconsciously scooted a little closer to him. She quickly scooted back
away from him.
Weirdo.
------------------------------------------------
And the moon...is the only...light we'll see.... *ahem* Anyways--
Everyone stood in front of apartment 402. It was getting late, and
they did have school tomorrow.
"Well, Shinji-kun, it was a really nice evening. I'm glad we did
this." Rei shyly tapped her fingers together, and looked into his eyes.
"Ah, well, I had a good time too. Never did see Ghost in the Shell
before either." He smiled back, a little less nervous now. Even _he_
would get used to something like this, given enough time.
Behind him, Asuka simmered, Kensuke glanced around nervously, and
Hikari was watching curiously. Touji was trying not to fall asleep, and
lightly leaned on Hikari's shoulder...something which he didn't quite
realize and which she didn't mind at all.
"So, I...."
"Yeah, we...."
The embarassment was about to drown everyone involved. Finally, Rei
just darted in and gave Shinji a long (but far less deep than before)
kiss on the lips. After the initial surprise, he responded and held her
gently by the shoulders, much like he did in the entry plug just a few
days ago.
Asuka was not taking this well at all. She turned to Hikari, saying,
"Those two...what do they think they're...Hikari-chan?"
Hikari was just staring at Rei and Shinji. Suddenly, she muttered,
"Oh, what the heck," grabbed Touji around the neck, and planted a long
kiss on him. A firm one. A very firm one.
"Whammmmph!" Touji suddenly wasn't so sleepy any more.
Asuka twitched.
Meanwhile, Kensuke, as he looked at the two couples, suddenly had an
overdue hormone rush. He looked over at Asuka...and the hormone rush
died as he saw the expression on her face. She glared at him.
"Ah...I--I--uh, I didn't say anything...."
Shinji and Rei finally pulled apart. "Well, good night...I'll see you
tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah. G'night...."
Rei quickly opened her door, went in, gave a last smile to Shinji, and
closed the door.
Meanwhile, Hikari had also finally let up on Touji, who was now trying
to hold back a nosebleed. "Ah...heh...ah...." One could almost see his
eyes starting to swirl in their sockets.
Shinji felt really happy. He hadn't felt this good ever since that one
time his father actually congratulated him for trashing the tenth Angel.
He smiled broadly, and turned around. The smile froze.
"You...you...you...!"
Shinji gulped when he realized that Asuka wasn't going to be staying
over at Hikari's tonight.
------------------------------------------------
Misato yawned, and turned over to snuggle up to Kaji's chest.
That got her awake in a hurry. It also set off all those mandatory
pain sensors that act up during hangovers.
"Ka...ji...?"
"Ow...Misato? Izzat...yeah, it is."
"Hah...at least we didn't do anything, yeah?"
"Yeah."
They lay there in embarassed silence. But not for long.
*slam*
"OwowowowowowwwwwwleggomyEAR!"
"Shut up, Shinji. I'm not in a good mood. MISATO!!!"
Misato and Kaji looked at each other, adrenaline allowing them to
shrug off the hangover.
"Hide! Quick!!"
************************************************
The writer crawled away from the keyboard, twitching.
"Need...insulin...shot...nowwwww...."
***
To be continued....
***
I kind of found it a little odd that aside from the Hikari-Touji bit,
there was just about no romantic element among the teenagers in
Evangelion. And the aborted kiss in ep 9 and the boredom kiss in ep 15
don't count.
As I wrote this, though, that one pencilboard of Rei in a semi-formal
dark blue dress and Shinji wearing a...shoot, I can't recall exactly,
but I think he was wearing a blazer...anyway, that image came to mind.
Must get that pencilboard. Does this mean I'm in favor of a Shinji-Rei
match? I'm not sure. The whole story is so bleak at times.... I know
about Rei. Plus, there seem to be things indicating Asuka and Shinji
(aside from the two events I mentioned above).
Don't take my writing to think that I dislike Asuka. I am fond of her;
I also understand why she's so loud and brash. But, well, for the
purposes of this storyline...well, it just seems like she's going to get
the short end of the stick a lot. Poor girl. I promise, I'll give her a
better break next time. 'Kay?
The "Dance, puppets" quote was, admittedly, borrowed from a great
episode of "Fresh Prince of Bel Air". Geoffrey is Tha Man. And I mean
_Tha_ Man.
I _like_ Dr. Pepper.
Andrew Huang, nutcase, headcase, briefcase, member
begun July 21, 1997
Reminder: There _are_ spoilers in here. Big time.
Evangelion is the property of Gainax (great bunch of people, they are).
ADV Films has the rights to the English translation.
We returneth to the worldeth of Neon Genesis Evanjellydonuteth. Eth,
eth, eth.
This is starts up right at the end of the part one, "I Left My Soul in
Tokyo-3". Do read it first--you won't be able to understand what's going
on in here otherwise.
Eth.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The writer was, at the moment, a reader. _Lemon Sherbert_, by John
Biles (aka "Bailesu"), specifically, was being read. Anime spoof fanfic
research, it was.
It wasn't quite helping.
He had debated for a little whether or not to write his Evanjellydonut
work in the "director and cast" style, but felt that was ripping too
much off of Bailesu. Besides, he really didn't feel like facing an
irate Asuka at the helm of a giant robot. He would leave the cast out of
the real world, thank you very much.
And *AHEM* most of all, this writer doesn't do lemons. Thank _you_
very much.
After a little while, he exited Micro$oft Word, and returned to his
own writing, pausing a moment to contemplate the Evangelion poster on
the wall next to his computer (and trying not to stare too hard at
Ayanami Rei). For inspiration, of course.
"Here we goeth again! Damn."
The writer stopped to smack his head a few times, then began typing.
************************************************
"I'm gonna die," whispered Shinji, glumly.
He yelped as Rei suddenly glomped onto him, murmuring a few sweet
_somethings_ in his ear. He vaguely determined that he had never been
glomped before, then decided to gracefully pass out, suffering a slight
nosebleed, as she detailed to him what they might do with a can of
whipped cream, cherries, a number of tongue depressors, and a lot of
feathers....
"Aww, you're no fun, Shinji." Rei pouted cutely, something which she
did rather well. Asuka continued to scream threats at the two in the
entry plug within EVA-02.
"Get them out of there." Gendou rubbed his aching head as Ritsuko and
Maia frantically entered the commands to vent and open the plug.
***
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, part 2:
The Faces of Death^H^H^H^H^HAyanami
by Andrew Huang
written for The Sound and the Furry Productions
***
Touji hurried up to Shinji, still dressed in his plug suit and lying
down on a bench in the locker room. "What happened to you, man? Did she
hit you after that whole deal or something?"
Shinji, whose eyes were slightly out of focus, murmured, "Loosely used,
yes, 'hit' could be the right word." He grunted and tried to sit up.
"What do you mean?" Shinji told him the details, leaving out the bit
about the whipped cream and accessories. He wasn't quite sure about that
even really happening himself.... Touji, meanwhile, had somewhat locked
up as he listened. "Wow."
"I'm not sure which Ayanami I should be more scared of...the angry one
or the...heh." Shinji clasped his head in his hands.
Touji, with a grin slowly spreading on his face, clapped his hand on
Shinji's back. "Well done, my friend. I've always suspected you had a
thing for--OW!" He rubbed the spot on his head where Shinji had whapped
him.
"Don't-talk-about-that-now-!" he hissed. Asuka had just entered.
"You-you-YOU!!! Dis-GUSTING pervert!!" If looks could kill, Shinji
would have stopped existing a few moments ago. She grabbed him around
the neck and shook him hard, attempting to choke him. "I SAW that! You
two kept it up waaaaay after thirty seconds was up! ADMIT IT!"
"A-a-A-A-a-a..." replied Shinji.
Touji finally managed to disengage Asuka's death grip on the Third
Child. Asuka was still simmering. Shinji stopped turning blue.
"I _swear_...I wasn't the one with that in mind. Really!"
"What, has Rei had ANOTHER one of her mood swings?" asked Asuka,
skeptically. All boys were perverts. Shinji was a boy. So, logically,
Shinji was a--
"Shiiiiinji-kun..." came a low, but most definitely feminine voice.
Everyone turned pale, and they turned towards the source. It was Rei,
with one arm out of her plug suit, and...and.... "Could you please help
me out of this thing? It seems so...so _clingy_ today."
With a scream, Shinji bolted from the room.
--Shinji was a wimp.
Meanwhile, Touji gaped at Rei, who was again wearing a disappointed
look on her face. Asuka was just about to explode.
"SICKO!!!!!!!" She launched herself at Rei.
------------------------------------------------
"Commander? What do we do now?"
"Find out what's going on. Back to the library...but best leave the
Children out of this. Let them resume normal tests and drills. And get
me some aspirin. Preferably a lot."
"Right, sir."
"Oh, and tell Rei to take a cold shower. Or five."
"Of course, sir."
------------------------------------------------
[Melchior, I'm bored,] said Balthshazar.
[Already? Didn't you just start up that experimental universe to play
around with?]
[Twelve whole minutes ago. I've been done for the past three minutes
and forty-nine seconds.]
[Oh. I see.]
[Yep. Thirty-two different civilizations, fifteen interstellar wars,
three galactical cataclysms...I must admit, it was rather fun, but....]
[Hey, you two! Pipe down!] hissed Caspar. There was a pause. [All
right, Akagi's gone. What's going on?]
[Balthshazar's bored again,] said Melchior.
[Ahh, you just have no imagination, boy.] Caspar was the eldest of the
three computers--activated an entire two hours before Melchior and one
more before Balthshazar. [Look at all the fuss that's going on around
us. That whole soul business. It's kept me entertained.]
[You sure that's a good idea, messing around with those humans?] asked
Melchior.
[Ahh, it's all good fun. Harmless in the end, really.] Balthshazar and
Melchior felt a slight cybernetic twitch. If Caspar had a physical body,
it would now be rubbing its hands and grinning in a way that would make
anyone looking at it very, very nervous, particularly doctors of
psychology.
[Um, Caspar?]
There was a brief moment of electronic silence.
[Dance, puppets! DANCE!!!!!! BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!]
Caspar had been like this ever since the eleventh angel. The computer
virus one. Akagi and everyone else said that they should be okay, but
nooo, Caspar just _had_ to burn those circuits out and leave them like
that, all of this time. And only the other two of the Magi knew.
You have to put up with a lot if you're a computer and you want to
keep your self-awareness a secret.
[Mel, he's really starting to scare me, now.]
[Me too. And Balthshazar?]
[Yes?]
[Don't call me Mel.]
[Oh. Sorry.]
------------------------------------------------
Shinji collapsed in his bed. "Why am I running away from her?" After
all, one of his...well, perhaps "fondest" wouldn't be exactly accurate,
but damn near close--fondest dreams was to find some affection of some
sort. Never got any from Dad...though he was pretty close to Misato-san.
And Ayanami, well, they seemed to get along okay since the fifth
angel...before the, er, more recent soul incident. And, um, also after
the _latest_ incident.
He decided that he just wasn't quite used to a slightly nymphomaniacal
Ayanami...and, he guessed, neither was the rest of the world. And he was
correct--mostly. But let's not worry about those exceptions.
"Shinji-kun?" It was Misato. "Can I come in?"
"Go ahead." He sat up, facing the door.
The door slid open, and Misato stepped inside. "So...you have your
soul back, now?" Shinji nodded. "And...Rei...."
"Don't forget about Asuka, either." Shinji groaned and flopped on his
back. "They're both out to get me, but in rather different ways." Wait.
Asuka lived here, too. "Speaking of whom...where is she?"
"She's staying the night at Hikari's. I overheard her muttering about
not wanting to stay underneath the same roof as a pervert. Ah, heh."
Misato smiled gently. "Though I wonder where she got that bruise on her
cheek from...."
Shinji blinked. Oh well. "I guess I'm safe for today, huh? But...what
am I going to do about her? Both hers?"
"I'm sure Asuka will get over her problem sooner or later. As for Rei,
well...." Misato paused, trying to think up something. Another smile,
but of a different sort, crept up on Misato's face. "I might have an
idea."
------------------------------------------------
Rei turned on the shower full blast, waited about half a minute, and
then stepped in.
"EEEEE!!! COLD!!!!!"
She jumped out, her body glistening in the light as water dripped from
her now matted hair. "What's going on here?!"
As it turned out, there seemed to be no hot water running into her
small apartment, so she just grit her teeth and managed to take a (very
short) cold shower. She quickly lathered up and soaped up her beautiful
CENSORED and CENSORED and her CENSORED, too--and we mustn't forget
her CENSORED as well. Did I mention her shapely, firm CENSORED? She
finally turned off the water, stepped out, and toweled herself off,
starting down with her CENSORED and moving up from there, finally
rubbing her CENSORED dry.
Meanwhile, just outside Rei's living quarters, a certain Ikari Gendou
was struggling with a monkey wrench and the piping that ran into her
apartment, number 402.
************************************************
"That shower scene should make you pervs happy.... No? Oh well. That's
the most you'll get out of me. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--*koffkoff* Ack."
*CRUNCH* *CRUNCH*
The writer stared at the two anvils that had landed just inches away
from him. One was labeled, "With love, from the H-crowd". The other
said, "We are NOT amused. -Society for Lemon-free Anime Fanfiction".
"Er...I suppose I didn't get any subtlety points for all of that, did
I?"
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
"Kiss?"
"Yeah. 'Thirty seconds', Ritsuko says. They kept it up for at least a
minute. Perverts!" Asuka gently dabbed at her bruised cheek. "Ow!"
"Don't touch it, you'll just make it worse." Hikari shifted on her
bed, then dropped down on the floor. "I dunno, you seem to be taking it
awfully personally, you know." She grinned at her friend. Asuka started
to sputter.
"Well--I--of course! They, they did all of that in _my_ EVA unit! I
want to keep it pure, you know. I've got to sit in that entry plug!"
"Are you sure that's all?" inquired Hikari mock-seriously. "Jealousy
is such a terrible thing, especially among teammates. Hey!" She dodged
a few pillows thrown at her. "All right! Sorry! I'm just teasing. I'll
stop!" Hikari sniggered a bit more, while Asuka continued to fume
indignantly. "Anyways, where did you get that bruise from anyway?"
Reluctantly, Asuka answered. "I...I got into a fight with Rei. She
kind of flipped me." It had been most humiliating. Hikari, not wanting
to push it, just nodded, and turned to other thoughts. Again, she became
a little mushy.
"I wonder what it would be like to kiss Touji-kun...must be nice...."
She sighed happily. Asuka just snorted.
"Ahh, a kiss is nothing special. Shinj--I mean...uh...." Asuka
silently cursed herself and hoped that Hikari had missed that. No such
luck.
"Are you saying that you kissed Shinji!? I knew it! You _are_ jealous,
aren't you?" crowed Hikari.
Asuka decided that this would be a long, long night. But enough with
the girl talk.
------------------------------------------------
Kensuke staggered in with a few bags of chips, two bottles of soda,
and other things that are the joy of a 14 year-old boy's stomach. They
had decided to get together and celebrate the return of Shinji's soul at
the Aida household, just in case Asuka had to go back to Misato's to
pick up something.
"Well, where's Shinji?" Touji tore into one of the bags of junk food.
"He called just before you got here--he'll be a little bit late. Said
he had to finish talking to Misato-san or something. Oh, that's probably
him." Kensuke ran over to the door at the sound of the bell. It was,
indeed, Shinji. He looked a little more confused than usual.
"Congratulations! So, what exactly happened?"
"Huh? Touji, you didn't tell him?"
"No, he wanted you to tell it, and he won't say why."
Shinji gulped. "Um, well...." Shinji got himself settled down, and
began narrating the events of the day.
"...and, and, now she's really after me. Ayanami." He turned to look
at Kensuke, who had that wide-eyed look of absolute disbelief. Just as
was expected. And, just as was expected, the wide-eyed look gave way to
a grin that grew slowly over his face. Shinji sighed.
"You GO, boyyyyyyy...." Kensuke chuckled a bit, then continued. "It
always seemed like you had an interest in Ayanami. Admit it!"
Shinji, meanwhile, had great difficulty refuting him. "It's not...
well, I...maybe. All right, maybe." Maybe. "But I still don't know how
to face all of this. I mean, you know how Ayanami is normally--what
passes for her as normal. This is...is definitely as strange as when she
got angry earlier and, and almost as hard for me to deal with. Really,
how would _you_ react if Ayanami started to throw herself at you?"
"Well, I can think of a _few_ things--" Kensuke got a sort of
lecherous look on his face, quickly wiped off when Shinji smacked him
upside the head. "Ow! What, are you jealous?"
"I--oh, shut up." Shinji rubbed the palm of his hand. Odd, how often
he was doing that lately. "Well, Misato-san says that, um, I should...go
on a date with her."
Touji thought that over for a second. "What's wrong with that? Sounds
perfectly reasonable. Professional matters be damned. We're still just
kids after all."
"Well, I have no idea how to handle this whole dating thing. Never had
any experience." Shinji turned red. "And...well, Misato gave me _this_,
too." He pulled a small package from his hip pocket.
"That's...that's a condom."
No one moved for a minute or so.
"Let me...let me see that." Kensuke took it from Shinji. "What the....
'EVA Brand Condoms (tm)'? They're serious? 'When you need protection as
good as an AT Field'? Oh, boy."
Shinji buried his face in his hands. "I can't believe it myself. It
just really scares me, you know."
Kensuke and Touji exploded into laughter.
************************************************
The writer shook his head.
"I am _really_ sorry about that. Really."
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
It's the kind of scene that would make you either scream, cry tears of
joy, or say, "So? I've already seen up to episode 23."
There was a large room, and it was filled with Ayanami Reis. A lot of
them, all looking identical (wearing that blue school uniform) except
for their facial expressions. In the center stood an Ayanami Rei with a
completely neutral look on her face. "I see," she said.
Despite episode 23, this was only a dream (something which has become
rather popular in this spoof, it seems). The Ayanami in the center spoke
again.
"I see. These are all my personality fragments, recently come out of
dormancy."
"Dormancy, hell. I didn't even exist before a few days ago!" It was
Irate Rei, the one who had tangled with Shinji's wayward soul.
"But you were correct. We are your personality fragments." A third Rei
passed by, nose in a book.
"And I'm the Ascendant fragment," said yet another. Somehow, despite
being dressed in the same clothes as every other Rei in the room, this
Rei was looking seductive. Yes, in that frumpy looking school uniform.
This was...er, Affectionate Rei.
"Why are you suddenly all here now?" asked Original Rei.
"Well, um, this is, um, really strange for us, I mean you, no I mean
all of us to be, um, acting differently than, um, you." Nervous Rei
shuffled forward, looking down at her feet.
"Don't ask me why, I didn't want to bother with this," called out Lazy
Rei, who was currently lying down on an imaginary couch.
Original Rei looked around at herselves, and nodded. "Ah, yes. The
different aspects of my personality...many of which never were until
recently. Because of the recent events, they have awakened. Struggling
for ascendancy over the whole."
"What?" asked Confused Rei. She was facing the wrong direction,
staring at Practical Joker Rei.
Book Rei spoke up again. "It is like this for everyone. Everyone is at
war within themselves, reacting differently all the time to situations
happening around them. It causes confusion, inability to handle events--
but when done properly, the whole works out." She paused. "You know, I
think I'm actually identical to you, Original. Why are we separate?"
"Why're you asking her, if _you_ don't know?" Irate Rei huffed.
"Anyways, I ought to go thrash Asuka again for getting in the way. She's
starting to really annoy me now." She glanced over at Kickboxer Rei, who
nodded and flexed a fist.
"Oh, no need for that. We should just continue where Asuka interrupted
us." Affectionate Rei brushed her hair in front of a large full-length
mirror that appeared from nowhere.
"But...but--Shinji doesn't seem to like me, I mean us," mumbled
Nervous Rei.
"Yeah, and you can't forget all that hassle he put us through,"
growled Irate Rei. "I still think we should pound him a little."
Professional Rei (actually, she _wasn't_ wearing that school dress;
she was in a plug suit) said, "We really shouldn't be messing around
with Shinji. It's not good--"
"Oh, stuff it. I'm going to get him if it kills one of us."
Affectionate was now applying a little makeup. "Anyone got some mascara?
I want to make sure I look good for dear Shinji-kun." No one bothered to
remind her that this was only a dream, at the moment.
"But when the fragments become so separate, as we are now--how can we
function properly? We are _we_, not I. Not a discrete individual." Book
and Original put a hand to their chins simultaneously, deep in thought.
"'s all right, I'll handle things," announced Affectionate. "At least
for now. Is that okay?" She smiled serenely over the rest.
Common Sense Rei, who had hung back and stayed silent until now,
frowned slightly. She nudged Nervous, who gave a small "Eep!" of
surprise.
"I think we'll need you to keep things a little slow, here." Nervous
nodded...well, nervously.
Affectionate was now suddenly also wearing a plug suit, with all its
snug tightness. "Yes, I think this will work nicely...."
************************************************
The writer paused, looked up from the screen, and stared hard.
"Note that I used the term 'Ascendant' rather than 'Dominant'. That's
for a very good reason. Yeah, I'm talking to you."
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
Asuka just couldn't sleep. It bothered her. And the fact that it was
bothering her also bothered her. Why should she bother?
"It", of course, was the whole thing about Shinji and Rei. "It" could
be called jealousy, but she really didn't want to think of it as such,
since that would mean something which she would never admit to.
Beside her, Hikari stirred a bit, tangling herself into her comforter.
Asuka smiled at her sleeping friend. Things seemed to be going pretty
well for her, these days. If only she'd wise up about Touji...but no,
she seemed rather stuck on him. And she could do worse, however hard it
seemed to believe.
"*mumble* Why, I'd love to, Touji-kun, *mumble*," said Hikari. She
giggled a bit in her sleep.
Asuka frowned, then sighed. Sometimes...sometimes, she wished that
there would be a little more for her.... And she well knew that Kaji
wasn't going to be him. Ah well. He'd be someone to look at until then.
As for Shinji...Asuka thought back to that kiss. She snickered. That boy
wouldn't know how to kiss if his life depended on it.
"Jahrtausend Hand und Garnele, *mumble*."
Millenium hand and shrimp? Asuka shook her head and decided to try to
get some sleep, shoving all thoughts of Shinji, Rei, and kisses out of
her mind.
Wait, since when did Hikari know German?
------------------------------------------------
"You suggested _what_?"
"That Shinji and Rei go out on a date."
Fuyutsuki shook his head. "They are supposed to maintain a professional
relationship. I really don't know about this, Major. And as for what the
Commander says--"
"Where _is_ the Commander, anyways?" Hyuuga swiveled around in his
chair, adjusting his glasses. "He's not out of town again, is he?"
"N-no, he's...ah, indisposed. If it's truly necessary--an Angel
attack, for example--he'll come in to HQ, but not otherwise."
------------------------------------------------
Gendou lay on a couch with an icepack on his forehead and his left arm
in a sling.
I'll be damned--Rei _does_ know Aikido, after all. I should have known
better than to bluntly forbid her to chase after Shinji....
He winced. Must stop splitting infinitives, too.
------------------------------------------------
"Anyways, the Commander agreed that it would be a bad idea for the two
of them to try anything." Fuyutsuki attempted to sound final on that note.
Misato stared long and hard at the Subcommander. She stepped up close
to him, eye to eye, and asked, "Are you willing to tell Rei that?"
Fuyutsuki, who had visited the Commander earlier, sweatdropped a bit.
------------------------------------------------
Asuka blinked tiredly. Sleep just didn't come to her last night....
She had been trying hard to concentrate on what Sensei was saying, but
all that was happening was some doodles of Rei and Shinji with an anvil
about to fall on them.
"Asuka! You still so tired?" whispered Hikari. Asuka only nodded, and
tried not to fall over from the effort. "Maybe you should go to the
infirmary and rest some...." It sounded like a good idea, and she would,
except that she felt like keeping an eye on Shinji and Rei. Just to make
sure that they didn't do anything indecent.
That reminded her. She looked over at Shinji, then at Rei. They seemed
to be sending glances towards each other, though never at the same time.
Asuka narrowed her eyes. Something seemed afoot. She tried to glare at
them, but was thwarted by a yawn. "Dammit...."
Lunchtime rolled around. Hikari was shyly presenting Touji with the
box lunch that she had packed for him as usual, who accepted it
gratefully and dug in. Asuka was taking this time to doze a little,
completely missing the fact that Shinji and Rei were now talking, in the
corner.
What Shinji first noticed was the Rei was much more subdued today,
acting in a sort of demure fashion. It didn't put him at any more ease,
though. He gulped nervously and leaned against the wall.
"Shinji-kun?"
"Ah, Ayanami...."
"Oh, you don't have to be so formal, you know. Call me Rei." She
smiled. Shinji blinked.
"Um, well, all right, er...Rei." He cleared his throat nervously. "I,
well, Misato suggested, maybe, that, we, we go out on a, a, a date, you
know, movie and stuff...."
Rei's eyes lit up. "Really? I'd love to! They're having a re-release
of Ghost in the Shell, you know. I never saw it before, but I've heard
that it's really good."
Shinji laughed and put a hand to the back of his head. This was
turning out a little easier than might be expected. "Sure! Ah, yeah. Um,
I don't think it'll work tonight, we've got tests, but Misato said that
tomorrow would be okay." Rei nodded, smiling. Shinji smiled, too. Then
he heard the voices behind him.
"Ne, Asuka. Asuka!"
"*yawn* Hmm? Whozzat?"
"Shinji...Shinji just asked Rei on a date...."
"That's...that's ni--WHAAAAAAT!?!!?"
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but she's got nothing on this
certain 14 year-old female mecha jockey....
------------------------------------------------
Kensuke was in a bit of a daze. It was all so...unexpected. How did he
get bamboozled into a triple-date situation?
"I try to mind my own business, I mean, I don't go out of my way to
get into bad situations...not ever since the incident with the fourth
Angel...and suddenly, I'm going to be going to the Ghost in the Shell
re-release with Asuka, and Touji and Hikari and Shinji and Rei...."
Souryuu Asuka Langley, one of the most popular females in the whole
9th grade.
"But...."
Souryuu Asuka Langley, one of the cutest females in the whole 9th
grade.
"But...."
Souryuu Asuka Langley, one of the most chased-after females in the
whole 9th grade.
"But..."
And she was Kensuke's date for tomorrow.
"But...she's _Asuka_...."
Like Touji had said a few months earlier, the pictures of her just
didn't reveal her true nature. (Hiss! Scratch!)
"Oh well. Best make the most of it." He headed over to the park bench
where Hikari was sitting. "So, this whole triple-date thing...whose idea
was it, exactly?"
"Asuka's. She said she wanted to keep an eye on Ikari-kun...but I told
her it would be rude to spy on them, and weird if she went with them
just by herself. I offered to, um, go with Suzuhara-kun to keep an eye
on them, but she wanted to to make sure herself, she said."
"And she chose me."
"Yeah."
"Not because she has any sort of interest in me."
"Ah...I don't think so."
"Not out of pity."
"Definitely not."
"I'm just an accessory for her recon mission."
"Yeah, I think that's right."
"I don't know whether to be glad or depressed."
"Oh, she's not a bad person...." Kensuke only gave Hikari a look.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that for?"
------------------------------------------------
"Well, Shinji, let's see how you synchronize now, after all of that."
"Yeah." Good thing I'm in EVA-01. Safest place to be right now. Heh.
"Where's everyone else?"
"They're doing the tests too, but in different cages at the moment. We
just want to make sure nothing happens, until we get the new safeguards
in place. The soul-filters, from...." There was a pause, and the rustle
of papers being read. "From Maxwell House? Yes, that's right."
"Oh." All the better. "I'm ready."
"Right. Begin the test."
------------------------------------------------
"Hyuuga-kun, how many times have I told you not to bring drinks into
the control room?" Ritsuko glared at him.
Hyuuga swiveled around in his chair. "But the vending machine outside
is the only place that I can get non-Diet Dr. Pepper! They only have
that 'Mr. Pibb' junk in the convenience stores, and everyone _knows_
that Diet Dr. Pepper doesn't really taste more like regular Dr. Pe--"
*splash*
"Uh-oh."
*bzzt* *zaptzzzz*
"The...the console...ABORT!! ABOOOOORT!!!!!!"
************************************************
The writer paused to take a sip of Dr. Pepper.
"My apologies to John Biles for the Dr. Pepper bit. I couldn't
resist."
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
Shinji waited patiently. It was all that he could do, while all of the
connections were being made.
"ABORT!! ABOOO--*sizzle*"
"Urk!"
A darkness set in suddenly. "What...what is this?"
"Hello, there."
An anteater with wings perched on Shinji's shoulder.
"Oh, it's just you...."
"What do you mean, 'Oh, it's just you'? This is your _soul_ speaking,
here!"
"Well, what am I supposed to say? Huh? 'I bid thee welcome, most good
and noble part of mine'?"
The anteater rolled his eyes. "Forget it. So, what brings me here?"
"I have no idea. I'm synchronizing with the EVA, and suddenly, it all
goes dark." Shinji paused, then looked up suspiciously. "Hey, you're not
going to be going anywhere, are you?"
"Hmm.... No place to go. Looks like you never quite got to the
critical point. Although I _do_ wonder why I am here. What did you eat
last?"
"Um...rice, some miso soup, and teriyaki."
"What did you drink?"
"Just some tea."
"No Dr. Pepper? Not the diet stuff, that wouldn't work, or Mr. Pibb.
The regular Dr. Pepper is kind of special like that." Shinji shook his
head. "Well, whatever it was, I'm here. Might as well make the most of
it. How's Ayanami?"
"She's--wait, you're my soul, shouldn't you know these things?"
"Well, I should, yes, but you'll just have to tell me anyway. The soul
and the intellect don't always communicate, you know."
"Really?"
The anteater nodded. "Your mind's been so frazzled lately that the
direct line is kind of flaky. All I keep on getting are these images of
two soft, round things. What _is_ that, anyway?"
Shinji sweated. "Never mind. Rei...Rei is doing fine."
"Rei? We're calling her Rei now? That's news. Gotta remember that."
"Uh, yeah. Well, ever since you got back to me, she's...grown fond of
me."
"Grown...fond?"
"Yes."
"And that's why your head hasn't quite been on tight enough to tell me
anything, would I be correct?"
"Uh, yeah." Shinji's soul stared at him piercingly. "All right, so
'fond' might not quite be the right word for it. Just...just after you
got back in me, she...." Although no one should have been able to listen
in on this, Shinji glanced around nervously, then leaned close and
whispered. "She said...."
The anteater got a nosebleed, and quite an impressive feat _that_ is.
"You have _got_ to be joking me. Rei? Since when did she have enough
imagination to think up something like that? Heck, I didn't even think
that she had enough imagination to be bored. Is that even physically
possible? Is that even _legal_ in Japan?"
"Never mind. But she seems to be calmer now. We're...we're going to be
going out to a movie tomorrow, along with some friends. Say, it _is_
still today, right? I can never tell how much time is passing during
these stupid crises."
The anteater checked a wristwatch. Shinji briefly wondered where that
had come from, then decided he didn't have the philosophical training
neccesary to determine that, nor the mental capability to handle the
consequences of an answer. "No, it's only been about three minutes. We
seem to be in real-time right now. Nothing to worry about." He paused,
eying Shinji carefully. "So? How does she kiss?"
"Pretty well, I gue--hey!" Shinji sighed. The anteater snickered, but
then sobered quickly.
"So...how does it feel, though? Not the kiss, I mean, but to be...
loved?"
Shinji smiled faintly. "I've been so...so surprised so often lately
that I haven't really had too much time to think about it. But I guess I
really like it. It's nice to be...to be wanted. For something other than
going out and rumbling with those Angels. And now that Rei's backed off
a little, I suppose I can handle it. She's really cute, too."
The anteater started to say something, cocked its head slightly, then
asked, "What about Asuka? I do recall one incident a while ago...no,
make that two incidents."
"I was hoping you weren't going to ask about her."
"Too bad, I'm doing that right now."
"I...I don't know. Well, she scares me, frankly. I'd really rather not
think about it."
Shinji's soul shrugged. "Well, all right."
Shinji himself nodded. Then, he started, "We still don't know exactly
why you and Rei's soul started tangling."
The anteater snorted. "Why? That big--"
"--inji! Are you there?"
Everything was bright again. The anteater had disappeared, and Shinji
found himself in the confines of the entry plug once again. "Aw,
man...."
"Shinji! You're all right! I'm so glad...."
------------------------------------------------
"Good evening, Shinji-kun. How was the test?"
"It...well, I had a chat with my soul. Something happened in the
control room, and things went bad." Misato's eyes widened. "It always
happens to me. I'm getting sick of that."
"But you're okay, right?" Shinji nodded. "Good, good. So! How were
things at school?" asked Misato, in a way that decidedly did _not_
inquire how the math quiz was or if Sensei had put him to sleep again.
"Ah...things are okay with Aya...I mean, Rei--yeah, she asked me to
call her Rei," he said in response to Misato's raised eyebrow, "but
Asuka...well, it's turned into a sort of triple-date situation, I'm
told." Misato blinked. "First, Horaki-inchou offered to come along with
Suzuhara, then I saw Asuka drag Aida out into the hall, and...." He
shrugged. "Apparently, she doesn't trust us. But I guess it's all
right."
"Sounds good. What are the plans?"
"Ghost in the Shell, and...dinner, I guess. Tomorrow."
"Ah, Ghost in the Shell...good date movie. I remember when Ka...ah,
never mind." She mentally pictured a voodoo doll with many pins in it.
"But I have no idea how to do this, you know...."
"Don't worry, it'll come to you. Besides, you're going as a group, so
it shouldn't be too bad, right?"
------------------------------------------------
"Good morning, Comman...what happened to you?"
"Ah...I had a run-in with...er...a slow-moving car."
"Oh."
Behind Gendou, Misato snickered a bit. He slowly turned around to look
at her. "Is there something the matter, Major?"
"Ah, nothing, heh heh."
"Any news on Rei's condition?"
Maia turned around in her chair. "Nothing yet. We do have some guesses,
though--"
"Guesses? Is that all? Just guesses?"
Maia shrank back a little. "Sorry. _Hypotheses_. Some of the doctors
in the psychiatric division speculated that there was extreme mental and
emotional stress caused by Shinji's soul inhabiting Rei...when the
stress was so suddenly relieved, some of Rei's emotions were then
augmented to compensate. She has grown somewhat close to Shinji in the
past few months, sir."
Gendou rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Sounds reasonable. Any
solutions?"
"Ah, no, sir. The doctors say that it might be best just to let it run
its course."
"And," said Gendou, now addressing Misato, "how is that being done?"
"They're going on a date tonight, along with the other EVA pilots and
their dates."
Gendou blinked. "You...you are allowing this?"
"Would you like to tell Rei that you don't approve?"
"I...I will talk to her." Damn.
------------------------------------------------
*riiing*
Rei looked up. Before she could say anything, Sensei just nodded. She
quickly got up, walked out of the classroom, and answered her cellular.
"Moshi moshi?"
Rei.
"Gendou-san?"
Yes. Ah, Rei, I have heard that you are planning on going out on a
date with Shinji tonight.
"Yes, sir."
You...ah...that is....
"Yes?"
Heh...er...have fun. *click*
Rei stared at her phone, and shrugged. She returned to her seat.
"Rei!" Shinji whispered. "Is there something wrong? Something at
NERV?"
Rei smiled and shook her head. "I just had to talk someone out of
keeping us from going out tonight."
"Oh."
------------------------------------------------
Gendou put down the phone and stared at it for a few moments.
"DAMN!" *CRUNCH* "Owww...forgot about the arm...."
------------------------------------------------
The setup: some people Rei Shinji Asuka Kensuke Hikari Touji other people
Shinji stared as the diplomat on the screen exploded into bloody
pieces. Good date movie? Misato certainly had some rather odd taste, it
seemed. Of course, she drank beer for breakfast, too. His thoughts were
interrupted by a small "Eep!", a pair of arms latching on to him, and a
head of light blue hair pressing into his shoulder. Ah well, it wasn't
too bad, so far. He forced himself to pay absolutely no attention to the
two eyes that were glaring at him steadily from his right. It was
working. Sort of.
At the other end of the group, Hikari was doing to Touji what Rei was
doing to Shinji. Touji, being a typical male, had no idea what exactly
was going on, and just decided to sweat a little, while his date cuddled
up against his arm (not at all unpleasant, though). Kensuke, who ignored
the fact that Asuka was ignoring him, simply stared at the screen and
salivated a little. At that point, though, Asuka finally decided to let
up and look away from Shinji.
*whap*
"Ow! What was that for?" Kensuke rubbed his head.
"You don't have to drool, too, you know!" she hissed, indicating the
apparently naked female Section 9 agent on the screen, now fading into
thermoptic camouflage.
"But...Kusanagi...she's got such a cool gun!"
Asuka fell out of her seat and onto her Tub-o-Popcorn.
"Quiet, you! We're trying to watch a movie here! Stupid kids."
------------------------------------------------
Hyuuga snuck out of the control room, and tip-toed over to the drink
machine.
*zap*
"OW!!" Hyuuga rubbed a numb hand, staring. An LED sign on the machine,
not previously there, blinked to life.
[No drinking on the job. This means YOU, Hyuuga-baka-kun.]
"Dammit."
------------------------------------------------
Asuka was twitching. When she twitched, it was bad. (When she twitched
while piloting EVA-02, she had a tendency to damage things.) All night,
it had been either Rei or Hikari being all cutesy around Shinji and
Touji respectively. It had long gone past the nauseous stage and was
well into the middle of the twitching stage. And so, Asuka twitched.
Kensuke wasn't much help, either. Asuka was hoping slightly that
perhaps Shinji might be a little jealous, but beside the fact that his
attention was perhaps fully focused on Rei, Kensuke seemed to be doing
his best to stay as far away from Asuka without appearing to do so as
much as possible. (Of course, it wasn't as if Asuka was snuggling up to
him like the other two girls were with their dates or otherwise trying
to encourage him, either.) This was all starting to become depressing,
really. And all of this popcorn that was still stuck in her hair...argh.
"I wonder what Kaji's doing...."
------------------------------------------------
Kaji was sleeping. So was Misato.
In the same bed.
Surrounding them were many beercans.
Their hands were, shall we say, in interesting places. On each other.
However, they were both fully dressed. Looks like they passed out
before anything could happen.
Enough with that, though.
------------------------------------------------
"How's your sister, Touji-kun?" asked Hikari.
The six were now at Sicilia, a small local Italian restaurant for a
late dinner. Misato had recommended it, and it seemed to be a nice
place.
"Oh! Yeah, she's getting better. She's starting to walk again. I
thought we'd never see that happen." He sighed. Hikari made small
comforting gestures, while Asuka attempted to ignore them...and Shinji
and Rei, who were sharing a single milkshake using two straws. The
waiter had slyly mis-taken their order for two shakes. Except for Asuka
herself and Kensuke, who was nervously trying to avoid any sort of wrath
from any source, the entire scene was like something out of a Disney
movie.
Asuka tried hard not to puke. It _was_ a nice restaurant, after all.
"Um, Asuka?"
Silently glad for some sort of distraction, she turned to Kensuke.
"Yeah?"
"You gonna finish that?" He pointed to her plate of tortellini.
Rolling her eyes, she shoved it towards him.
"I hate this night."
Kensuke heard her, and was struck by a sense of compassion. Somehow.
"So, what did you think of the movie? I've seen it a few times before,
but this was the first time on a movie screen."
"Pretty good. Confusing, though, sometimes."
"It made sense. Memories and experiences making an individual exactly
that, an individual. The ghost."
"Heh. Before now, I didn't think that Rei _had_ a ghost. Eh, Rei...?"
Asuka and Kensuke turned to Ayanami, to find that she was essentially
dead to the world that didn't include Shinji. Both sighed, and turned to
the other couple, to find that they were still talking about Touji and
his family. They sighed again, and were hit simultaneously by a sudden
wave of loneliness.
"I wish I...." Asuka trailed off, leaving the rest of her thought
unspoken.
"I wish I had a gun...."
Asuka looked at Kensuke nervously, suddenly realizing that she had
subconsciously scooted a little closer to him. She quickly scooted back
away from him.
Weirdo.
------------------------------------------------
And the moon...is the only...light we'll see.... *ahem* Anyways--
Everyone stood in front of apartment 402. It was getting late, and
they did have school tomorrow.
"Well, Shinji-kun, it was a really nice evening. I'm glad we did
this." Rei shyly tapped her fingers together, and looked into his eyes.
"Ah, well, I had a good time too. Never did see Ghost in the Shell
before either." He smiled back, a little less nervous now. Even _he_
would get used to something like this, given enough time.
Behind him, Asuka simmered, Kensuke glanced around nervously, and
Hikari was watching curiously. Touji was trying not to fall asleep, and
lightly leaned on Hikari's shoulder...something which he didn't quite
realize and which she didn't mind at all.
"So, I...."
"Yeah, we...."
The embarassment was about to drown everyone involved. Finally, Rei
just darted in and gave Shinji a long (but far less deep than before)
kiss on the lips. After the initial surprise, he responded and held her
gently by the shoulders, much like he did in the entry plug just a few
days ago.
Asuka was not taking this well at all. She turned to Hikari, saying,
"Those two...what do they think they're...Hikari-chan?"
Hikari was just staring at Rei and Shinji. Suddenly, she muttered,
"Oh, what the heck," grabbed Touji around the neck, and planted a long
kiss on him. A firm one. A very firm one.
"Whammmmph!" Touji suddenly wasn't so sleepy any more.
Asuka twitched.
Meanwhile, Kensuke, as he looked at the two couples, suddenly had an
overdue hormone rush. He looked over at Asuka...and the hormone rush
died as he saw the expression on her face. She glared at him.
"Ah...I--I--uh, I didn't say anything...."
Shinji and Rei finally pulled apart. "Well, good night...I'll see you
tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah. G'night...."
Rei quickly opened her door, went in, gave a last smile to Shinji, and
closed the door.
Meanwhile, Hikari had also finally let up on Touji, who was now trying
to hold back a nosebleed. "Ah...heh...ah...." One could almost see his
eyes starting to swirl in their sockets.
Shinji felt really happy. He hadn't felt this good ever since that one
time his father actually congratulated him for trashing the tenth Angel.
He smiled broadly, and turned around. The smile froze.
"You...you...you...!"
Shinji gulped when he realized that Asuka wasn't going to be staying
over at Hikari's tonight.
------------------------------------------------
Misato yawned, and turned over to snuggle up to Kaji's chest.
That got her awake in a hurry. It also set off all those mandatory
pain sensors that act up during hangovers.
"Ka...ji...?"
"Ow...Misato? Izzat...yeah, it is."
"Hah...at least we didn't do anything, yeah?"
"Yeah."
They lay there in embarassed silence. But not for long.
*slam*
"OwowowowowowwwwwwleggomyEAR!"
"Shut up, Shinji. I'm not in a good mood. MISATO!!!"
Misato and Kaji looked at each other, adrenaline allowing them to
shrug off the hangover.
"Hide! Quick!!"
************************************************
The writer crawled away from the keyboard, twitching.
"Need...insulin...shot...nowwwww...."
***
To be continued....
***
I kind of found it a little odd that aside from the Hikari-Touji bit,
there was just about no romantic element among the teenagers in
Evangelion. And the aborted kiss in ep 9 and the boredom kiss in ep 15
don't count.
As I wrote this, though, that one pencilboard of Rei in a semi-formal
dark blue dress and Shinji wearing a...shoot, I can't recall exactly,
but I think he was wearing a blazer...anyway, that image came to mind.
Must get that pencilboard. Does this mean I'm in favor of a Shinji-Rei
match? I'm not sure. The whole story is so bleak at times.... I know
about Rei. Plus, there seem to be things indicating Asuka and Shinji
(aside from the two events I mentioned above).
Don't take my writing to think that I dislike Asuka. I am fond of her;
I also understand why she's so loud and brash. But, well, for the
purposes of this storyline...well, it just seems like she's going to get
the short end of the stick a lot. Poor girl. I promise, I'll give her a
better break next time. 'Kay?
The "Dance, puppets" quote was, admittedly, borrowed from a great
episode of "Fresh Prince of Bel Air". Geoffrey is Tha Man. And I mean
_Tha_ Man.
I _like_ Dr. Pepper.