"M-I-C-K-E-Y . . . (Part II)"
by Capt. Janeway
SUMMARY: Part II of 2 . . . Riker and Troi attempt to overcome the annoying robotic dolls
of It's a Small World, Doctor Crusher gets sick, and the introduction of Lieutenant Oneline & Ensign
Walkon!
RATING: G
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please read Part I, first!! Also, special thanx to the "Crystalline Entity" (a.k.a.
my father) for his help with the Picard-Crusher scenes. :)
DISCLAIMER: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
FEEDBACK: Yes! Please!! Be a responsible reader!!!
******************************************************************************
MAJEL BARRETT'S COMPUTER VOICE: Previously on Star Trek: The Next Generation:
+ Data and Geordi were stuck somewhere in all those confusing corridors of the Indiana
Jones Adventure
+ Worf was hiding behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse in Toontown
+ Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher were just starting their ride on Space Mountain
+ Troi was going insane in It's a Small World due to that infamous annoying song as Riker
tried to figure out how to make the dolls stop singing
And now the conclusion . . .
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Right back where we left LAFORGE and DATA in the never-ending fake entrance to
the Indiana Jones Adventure:)
LAFORGE (dramatically): Data!! You must go on the Adventure without me!! I'm a goner!!
DATA: You are not a "goner," Geordi. If you were, my tricorder would recognize that.
LAFORGE: I'm doomed, DOOMED, I TELL YOU!!!!
DATA: Geordi, it is all an artifact of your imagination. My tricorder readings indicate that you are only
slightly dehydrated.
LAFORGE: DOOMED!! DOO--What did you say, Data?!
DATA: You are only slightly dehydrated.
LAFORGE: Oh!! That's why I was having all those hallucinations!!
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Okay, well . . . let's keep going, then!
(LAFORGE and DATA resume their journey in search of the REAL entrance to the Indiana
Jones Adventure.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse in Mickey's Toontown. We see WORF is still in
his hiding place as the little kids continue to run everywhere around him. The people wearing the
Mickey & Minnie Mouse costumes really don't care about what's going on with the little kids, in spite
of the fact that they're screaming at an alarming volume. WORF eventually works up the nerve to
come back to the front of the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse, brandishing his very deadly-looking phaser rifle.
Suddenly, the kids stop running around, and just stare at him in terror. As to them the sight of
WORF is even more frightening than seeing Mickey & Minnie Mouse loose their heads, the kids
resume their screaming, which has grown considerably louder. Finally, poor WORF, who can't take
much more of this, goes ballistic:)
WORF: BE QUIET!!!!!!
LITTLE KID #1 (running away, frightened): Ahhhhhhh!!!! Mommy!!!! Help!!! It's a guy with a really
wrinkly forehead!!! Eeeeeek!!!
LITTLE KID #2 (whining): Leave us alone!!!! We didn't do anything!!!
LITTLE KID #3 (seriously): Are you my Grandpa? He's got lotsa wrinkles, too . . .
WORF: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I AM DISHONORED BY THIS MISSION!!! IF CAPTAIN
PICARD WAS HERE, I'D KILL HIM WHERE HE STOOD!!!
LITTLE KID #3 (his lower lip trembling): Please, sir . . . Are you my Grandpa? I'm lost . . .
WORF: I am not your Grandpa, wimpy young human male!! Leave me alone!!
LITTLE KID #3: Are you sure you're not my Grandpa?
WORF: VERY!!!
LITTLE KID #3: 'Cause that's how he talks to me . . . he doesn't like me too much . . .
WORF: I can see why!!
LITTLE KID (starting to cry): You (sob!) . . . you (sob!! sob!!) hurt my feelings!! Waaah!!!
WORF: BACK!!!! LEAVE!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Inside It's a Small World. RIKER and TROI are still being tortured by that awful
song:)
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS (singing annoyingly): . . . It's a Small World after all!! It's a Small World
after all!! It's a Small World after all!! It's a Small, Small World!! . . .
TROI: WILL!!! MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!!! THE VOICES!!!!!! THOSE HORRIBLE,
ANNOYING VOICES!!!!!!!
RIKER: Hang on, Deanna . . .
(RIKER whips out his phaser and shoots the dolls.)
TROI: THEY'RE STILL SINGING!!!!!!!!!
RIKER: It must be some kind of recorder . . .
(RIKER looks around as TROI continues to scream.)
THE RECORDER: . . . It's a Small World after all!!! It's a Small, Small World!!! . . .
RIKER (seeing the RECORDER hidden in a corner): Ah-ha!!
(RIKER fires his phaser at the RECORDER, which makes a huge explosion that engulfs the
entire ride . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: With PICARD and CRUSHER as they ride Space Mountain. PICARD looks like
he's having the time of his life, although the same cannot be said for CRUSHER, who looks as though
she's about to turn a nice shade of green:)
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!!
PICARD: What?!
CRUSHER: I--I don't feel very well!!
PICARD: What do you mean, you don't feel well?! You're the doctor . . . you're never supposed to
get sick!!
CRUSHER: Well, I am, Jean-Luc!!
PICARD: Hang on . . . the ride'll be over soon!!
(They continue to ride Space Mountain, with CRUSHER hanging on for dear life. Suddenly, a
bright light flashes directly in PICARD's eyes:)
PICARD (in a trance): I am Locutus of Borg . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc?
PICARD: . . . Your culture will adapt to service us . . . Your technological and biological distinctiveness
will be added to our own . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER (sarcastically): Great!! This is just wonderful!! I'm getting motion sickness as I'm sitting
next to my Captain who is turning back into a Borg drone!! Things can't get any worse!!
(Suddenly, the lights go dark, and the coaster stops. Groans can be heard in the background
from some cars behind CRUSHER and PICARD's.)
CRUSHER (quietly to herself): Me and my big mouth. (turning to someone behind her) What's going
on?
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Don't tell me you don't know.
CRUSHER: I don't.
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Haven't you heard?!
California's having a major power crisis . . . That's why the rides shut down every once in a while.
Stupid rolling blackouts!!
CRUSHER: Rolling blackouts?! I can't believe that your leader--
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: --his name's Gray Davis
CRUSHER: --Gray Davis would allow such a thing!!
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Idunno . . . I'm just an
anonymous unpaid extra sitting behind you . . . I don't know nothin' 'bout politics . . .
(CRUSHER turns around and sighs wearily as PICARD drones on:)
PICARD: Resistance is futile . . . You will be assimilated . . .
******************************************************************************
(Setting: At the REAL entrance to the Indiana Jones Adventure finally!. We see DATA and
LAFORGE just entering where all those neat Jeep-shaped cars are:)
LAFORGE: We made it!! Finally!! We survived!!
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Now . . . what are we supposed to do?
DATA: I believe we are to get into one of those cars that is shaped like a Jeep.
LAFORGE: Oh! Okay . . .
(LAFORGE and DATA get into a car with some other people and strap themselves in.)
LAFORGE: Are you nervous, Data?
DATA: Of course not, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Oh, yeah, that's right . . . this fic takes place BEFORE you get your emotion chip . . .
(Suddenly, the car gives a jolt as it starts to move forward. The fellow passengers of our two
beloved Starfleet officers give little screams of delight as the car really starts to get going . . .)
DATA: Geordi, it would be advisable to hang on to the safety bar.
LAFORGE (sarcastically): I think I know that, Data.
******************************************************************************
(Setting: At the ruins of It's a Small World. We see RIKER and TROI slowly trying to get up
as they cough violently, covered from head to toe in soot. The crawl around the debris, sometimes
using big chunks of the ride to prop themselves up to help them stand.)
RIKER: Ooooooh . . . That didn't feel so good . . .
TROI (ecstatic): The voices!! They're gone!! Oh, Will, thank you so much!! Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you!!!
RIKER: Yeah, sure . . . (wincing as he tries to stand) Ow!! Stupid ride . . . just had to . . . play the . . .
stupid song!!
TROI: Are you all right, Will?
RIKER (dryly): Just peachy.
TROI: Maybe we should go back to the ship . . .
RIKER: No, really, I'm fine . . . Let's uh, just go find Doctor Crusher . . .
TROI: All right. You need help up, Will?
RIKER: Nope, that's--(as he tries to stand again)--AAAAUGH!!
TROI (pulling RIKER to his feet): Let's go.
******************************************************************************
(Setting: The entrance to Mickey's Toontown. We see WORF running out of Mickey's
Toontown as quickly as his Klingon legs can carry him, as he's followed by LITTLE KID #3. WORF
keeps running, until finally LITTLE KID #3 gives up, and buys an ice cream cone. WORF now just
walks toward New Orleans Square, nervously looking around him.)
WORF (mumbling to himself): I must find a way to preserve what little honor I have left . . .
(Another crowd of little kids encounters WORF, and they run away, screaming their lungs out.)
WORF (angrily): I will preserve my honor by killing Captain Picard for this!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Fantasyland with TROI and RIKER. RIKER is limping along, using TROI's
shoulder for support. Unfortunately, TROI isn't strong enough to support RIKER's weight, and they
both collapse on the ground. TROI gets up, and manages to help RIKER back up. They continue
along in a similar fashion as before, collapsing every few steps and having to get back up again. Finally,
an exhausted TROI can't take any more:)
TROI: Will!! I can't take much more of this!!
RIKER (rubbing his back): Neither can I, Deanna.
TROI: Why don't we go on the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride for a while?
RIKER: Mmmmm . . . Okay . . . That sounds good . . .
(Suddenly, a SECURITY GUARD walks up to RIKER and TROI:)
SECURITY GUARD: I'm sorry, but you two need to come with me.
TROI: What?! Why?
SECURITY GUARD: For destroying It's a Small World.
RIKER: Oh! That? We destroy things all the time!!
SECURITY GUARD: I understand, sir, but this is Disneyland . . . We don't want to expose the
children to unnecessary violence.
TROI: But that wasn't violence!
SECURITY GUARD: Then what was it?
TROI: It was . . . ummm . . . hang on . . . . uh . . .
RIKER: It was just, uh, preventing Deanna from going insane! Yeah! That's it!
SECURITY GUARD: I don't know . . . Still, I think you two should come with me, just to be sure.
TROI: Well . . . What if we don't want to?
RIKER: Yeah!! What if we're feeling really rebellious today!!
SECURITY GUARD (calling into the crowd): Bugsy!! Jasper!!!
(BUGSY and JASPER step forward from the crowd. RIKER and TROI suddenly get anxious
expressions on their faces, as BUGSY and JASPER are quite large and have a VERY significant
amount of muscle mass. They speak with Brooklyn accents:)
BUGSY: You called, Boss?
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah . . . take these two down to the security station . . . I want 'em checked
out.
JASPER: Sure thing, Boss.
(BUGSY and JASPER take hold of RIKER and TROI who are literally trembling with fear,
and they drag the two Starfleet officers away.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back with PICARD and CRUSHER on Space Mountain. PICARD is still droning on
and on about how futile resistance is, while CRUSHER slowly breathes in and out to help settle her
stomach:)
CRUSHER (mumbling to herself): All right, now, as long as the ride doesn't start up again, I'll be all
right . . .
(Suddenly, the lights flicker back to life, and the ride abruptly starts up again. As the scene
closes, we can hear a gagging noise coming from CRUSHER, and groans and complaints from the
people sitting behind her . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just inside New Orleans Square. We see WORF glancing nervously around him as he
walks, hoping to not call any unnecessary attention to himself. He notices one of those little gift shops,
and, cautiously, slips inside:)
SALESWOMAN (pleasantly): Hello, sir. What can I do for you today?
WORF (his voice lowered): Hide me.
SALESWOMAN (confused): I'm sorry . . . I don't understand . . .
WORF: Hide me!!
SALESWOMAN: From who?
WORF: JUST HIDE ME, YOU PUNY HUMAN FEMALE!!!!!!!
SALESWOMAN: Ummmm . . . okay . . . here! (she opens a little cabinet door) You think you can
squeeze in here?
WORF: I shall try.
(WORF looks quizzically at the little cabinet for a moment, then tries to get inside as the scene
closes . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside the exit for the Indiana Jones Adventure which, conveniently enough for
the owners of Disneyland, also serves as a gift shop. We see LAFORGE walk out with a huge grin
on his face:)
LAFORGE (calling over his shoulder into the exit): Wow!! That was a lot of fun, wasn't it, Data?! I
mean, all that fire and the big rolling boulder and stuff . . .
(We finally see DATA, who obviously enjoyed the gift shop. He walks out of the exit wearing
that famous leather hat, along with all those khaki explorer clothes, whip, and boots like the stuff that
Harrison Ford wore in the Indiana Jones movies.)
DATA (cocking his head): Yes, Geordi, the ride was well-worth the incredible amount of time it took
to arrive at the true entrance.
LAFORGE: You wanna go on it again, Data?
DATA: According to my internal chronometer, we would arrive in New Orleans Square three hours,
twenty-five minutes, thirty-six seconds late.
LAFORGE: Oh . . . the Captain might not like that too much . . . Well, what do you say we go on over
to New Orleans Square, and see what's over there?
DATA: Ah! An excellent idea, Geordi.
(DATA and LAFORGE slowly start to head back toward New Orleans Square.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back at the gift shop in New Orleans Square. WORF is still trying to squeeze into the
tiny cabinet:)
WORF: This is becoming very dishonorable . . .
SALESWOMAN: You need help?
WORF: To accept help from someone like you would be even MORE dishonorable!!
SALESWOMAN (backing away): Okay, okay, sheesh . . . You don't need to yell . . .
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Inside a little fake "jailhouse" in Mickey's Toontown. We see RIKER and TROI
looking sorrowfully between the bars as little kids pass by, but they think that RIKER and TROI are
part of an elaborate joke, and keep walking.)
RIKER: Please, sir!! Could you please spare some money?
TROI: Or food! We're very hungry!!
MAN: Hah-hah! Look, Tommy!! Aren't those people funny?! They're asking for our help!! Ha!!!!
TOMMY: Hah!! Yeah, Dad!!
(MAN and TOMMY walk away, laughing heartily.)
RIKER (looking as though he's going to cry): Why do they laugh (sniffle!), Deanna? (sniffle! sniffle!)
TROI: Oh, Will, don't worry! I'm sure Worf will be along in a few minutes . . . He'll help us, I'm sure!
RIKER: Okay. (sniffle!)
(They hug.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside the exit for Space Mountain. We see PICARD walking mechanically out,
still droning on about how our technological and biological distinctiveness will be added to their own,
blah, blah, blah. CRUSHER follows him out eventually, stumbling around and holding her hands over
her mouth.)
PICARD (still in his trance): . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER (weakly): Jean-Luc, I could use a little help . . .
PICARD: . . . Lower your shields and surrender your ships . . .
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc?
PICARD: . . . Your technological and biological distinctiveness will be added to our own . . .
CRUSHER: JEAN-LUC!!!!!
PICARD: . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER: JEAN-LUC, SHUT-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside Pirates of the Caribbean. We see LAFORGE and DATA still clad in
Indiana Jones attire looking around. LAFORGE is looking a little lost:)
LAFORGE: Well, Data, it looks like nobody's here yet.
DATA: Perhaps they are lost.
LAFORGE: Hmmmm . . . That could be . . . (suddenly noticing that they're standing in front of Pirates
of the Caribbean:) Hey, Data!!
DATA: What is it, Geordi?
LAFORGE: You wanna go on Pirates of the Caribbean?
DATA: I do not believe that it would do any harm.
LAFORGE: Great!! Let's go!!
(LAFORGE runs inside the building, while DATA attempts to descend the stairs, although he's
having some difficulty due to those nifty-looking Indiana Jones boots he's wearing . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Tomorrowland with CRUSHER who is still quite ill and PICARD who
still considers himself as Locutus:)
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!! Shut-up, already!!
PICARD: . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER: YOU STUPID beeeeeeeeep!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PICARD: . . . We will add--(suddenly snapping out of his trance:) What the heck is going on?!
CRUSHER: Thank goodness!! It's about time!!
PICARD: About time for what?
CRUSHER: You were Locutus, again, Jean-Luc.
PICARD: Oh . . . Beverly, you don't look very well . . .
CRUSHER: Oh, no, Jean-Luc, really . . . (rubbing her stomach) I'll, uh, be fine . . . just don't make any
sudden moves . . .
(Suddenly, there is a very large earthquake, which shakes-up PICARD and CRUSHER pretty
well, and . . . well, needless to say, we hear gagging noises as CRUSHER's stomach rejects its
contents; PICARD holds his nose as the scene closes . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Mickey's Toontown. It is now getting dark, but TROI is still holding out
hope:)
TROI: Don't worry, Will . . . Worf will be here . . . eventually . . . I hope . . .
RIKER: Oh, what's the point, Deanna?! Who are we trying to kid!! I should have never let the
Captain take us down here!!
TROI: DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?! WORF WILL BE HERE EVENTUALLY!!!!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back at the gift shop in New Orleans Square. WORF is STILL trying to get into the
little cabinet . . . he's almost completely inside except for his right leg:)
WORF: Puny human female!!
SALESWOMAN: The name's Cynthia.
WORF: Puny human female!!
SALESWOMAN: It's Cynthia, you nitwit!!
WORF: Chop off my leg!! It is dishonorable!!
SALESWOMAN: But, it'll make a huge mess on the floor!! My boss'll kill me for that!!
WORF: I do not care!! It is dishonorable!! Cut it off!!
SALESWOMAN: Ummmm . . . Okay, hang on . . .
(SALESWOMAN goes into the back room to look for something sharp. She comes out with
a letter-opener:)
SALESWOMAN: Will this work?
WORF: YES!!! Anything!!! Just as long as you cut it off!!!!!
SALESWOMAN: Okay, hang on . . .
(SALESWOMAN bends down with the letter-opener in her right hand to start her new job . .
.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: With LAFORGE and DATA as they ride Pirates of the Caribbean. They are entering
one of the larger rooms with all those feuding pirates:)
LAFORGE: Wow!! This is really neat, Data . . .
DATA (reading from his tricorder): Geordi?
LAFORGE: What is it, Data?
DATA: I believe that these robotic pirates (he pauses for added suspense) . . . are sentient beings.
LAFORGE: Wow!! You really think so?!
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Well, what should we do about it?
THE PIRATES (singing): . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!!! . . .
DATA: I believe we should attempt to free them.
LAFORGE: But how will we do that, Data?
DATA: Perhaps we should ask them. (increasing the volume of his voice:) Excuse me, sirs, but
perhaps you could tell us how exactly we ought to try to free you.
THE PIRATES: . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!! . . .
DATA: I understand that is what you would like, but first you must tell us how we can help you.
THE PIRATES: . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!! . . .
******************************************************************************
(Setting: On the bridge of the Enterprise. LIEUTENANT ONELINE is sitting in the captain's
chair, and the bridge has nothing but people we have never seen before on the show controlling it:)
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Ensign Walkon!!
ENSIGN WALKON: Yes, sir?
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Have you heard anything from the Away Team yet?
ENSIGN WALKON: Nope. Not a peep, sir.
LIEUTENANT ONELINE (muttering under his breath): It's been four hours already . . . (to ENSIGN
WALKON:) Set a course for the anomalous anomaly!
ENSIGN WALKON: But, sir! What about the Captain and the rest of the senior officers?!
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Aw, forget them already!! You KNOW they'd do the same thing to us
without the slightest bit of hesitation . . . I think it's time to turn the tables on the writers!! Who's with
me!! MUTINY!! MUTINY!!!
ENSIGN WALKON: Yeah!! MUTINY!! MUTINY!!
(The other bridge officers soon catch on, and they all chant "MUTINY!! MUTINY!!" as the
fic ends . . .)
******************************************************************************
Did this fic barely qualify for humor, or are you rolling on the floor laughin' like there's no
tomorrow? Whatever the case may be, please let me know what you think by REVIEWING!!
Thanx!! ;)
by Capt. Janeway
SUMMARY: Part II of 2 . . . Riker and Troi attempt to overcome the annoying robotic dolls
of It's a Small World, Doctor Crusher gets sick, and the introduction of Lieutenant Oneline & Ensign
Walkon!
RATING: G
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please read Part I, first!! Also, special thanx to the "Crystalline Entity" (a.k.a.
my father) for his help with the Picard-Crusher scenes. :)
DISCLAIMER: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
FEEDBACK: Yes! Please!! Be a responsible reader!!!
******************************************************************************
MAJEL BARRETT'S COMPUTER VOICE: Previously on Star Trek: The Next Generation:
+ Data and Geordi were stuck somewhere in all those confusing corridors of the Indiana
Jones Adventure
+ Worf was hiding behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse in Toontown
+ Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher were just starting their ride on Space Mountain
+ Troi was going insane in It's a Small World due to that infamous annoying song as Riker
tried to figure out how to make the dolls stop singing
And now the conclusion . . .
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Right back where we left LAFORGE and DATA in the never-ending fake entrance to
the Indiana Jones Adventure:)
LAFORGE (dramatically): Data!! You must go on the Adventure without me!! I'm a goner!!
DATA: You are not a "goner," Geordi. If you were, my tricorder would recognize that.
LAFORGE: I'm doomed, DOOMED, I TELL YOU!!!!
DATA: Geordi, it is all an artifact of your imagination. My tricorder readings indicate that you are only
slightly dehydrated.
LAFORGE: DOOMED!! DOO--What did you say, Data?!
DATA: You are only slightly dehydrated.
LAFORGE: Oh!! That's why I was having all those hallucinations!!
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Okay, well . . . let's keep going, then!
(LAFORGE and DATA resume their journey in search of the REAL entrance to the Indiana
Jones Adventure.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse in Mickey's Toontown. We see WORF is still in
his hiding place as the little kids continue to run everywhere around him. The people wearing the
Mickey & Minnie Mouse costumes really don't care about what's going on with the little kids, in spite
of the fact that they're screaming at an alarming volume. WORF eventually works up the nerve to
come back to the front of the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse, brandishing his very deadly-looking phaser rifle.
Suddenly, the kids stop running around, and just stare at him in terror. As to them the sight of
WORF is even more frightening than seeing Mickey & Minnie Mouse loose their heads, the kids
resume their screaming, which has grown considerably louder. Finally, poor WORF, who can't take
much more of this, goes ballistic:)
WORF: BE QUIET!!!!!!
LITTLE KID #1 (running away, frightened): Ahhhhhhh!!!! Mommy!!!! Help!!! It's a guy with a really
wrinkly forehead!!! Eeeeeek!!!
LITTLE KID #2 (whining): Leave us alone!!!! We didn't do anything!!!
LITTLE KID #3 (seriously): Are you my Grandpa? He's got lotsa wrinkles, too . . .
WORF: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I AM DISHONORED BY THIS MISSION!!! IF CAPTAIN
PICARD WAS HERE, I'D KILL HIM WHERE HE STOOD!!!
LITTLE KID #3 (his lower lip trembling): Please, sir . . . Are you my Grandpa? I'm lost . . .
WORF: I am not your Grandpa, wimpy young human male!! Leave me alone!!
LITTLE KID #3: Are you sure you're not my Grandpa?
WORF: VERY!!!
LITTLE KID #3: 'Cause that's how he talks to me . . . he doesn't like me too much . . .
WORF: I can see why!!
LITTLE KID (starting to cry): You (sob!) . . . you (sob!! sob!!) hurt my feelings!! Waaah!!!
WORF: BACK!!!! LEAVE!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Inside It's a Small World. RIKER and TROI are still being tortured by that awful
song:)
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS (singing annoyingly): . . . It's a Small World after all!! It's a Small World
after all!! It's a Small World after all!! It's a Small, Small World!! . . .
TROI: WILL!!! MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!!! THE VOICES!!!!!! THOSE HORRIBLE,
ANNOYING VOICES!!!!!!!
RIKER: Hang on, Deanna . . .
(RIKER whips out his phaser and shoots the dolls.)
TROI: THEY'RE STILL SINGING!!!!!!!!!
RIKER: It must be some kind of recorder . . .
(RIKER looks around as TROI continues to scream.)
THE RECORDER: . . . It's a Small World after all!!! It's a Small, Small World!!! . . .
RIKER (seeing the RECORDER hidden in a corner): Ah-ha!!
(RIKER fires his phaser at the RECORDER, which makes a huge explosion that engulfs the
entire ride . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: With PICARD and CRUSHER as they ride Space Mountain. PICARD looks like
he's having the time of his life, although the same cannot be said for CRUSHER, who looks as though
she's about to turn a nice shade of green:)
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!!
PICARD: What?!
CRUSHER: I--I don't feel very well!!
PICARD: What do you mean, you don't feel well?! You're the doctor . . . you're never supposed to
get sick!!
CRUSHER: Well, I am, Jean-Luc!!
PICARD: Hang on . . . the ride'll be over soon!!
(They continue to ride Space Mountain, with CRUSHER hanging on for dear life. Suddenly, a
bright light flashes directly in PICARD's eyes:)
PICARD (in a trance): I am Locutus of Borg . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc?
PICARD: . . . Your culture will adapt to service us . . . Your technological and biological distinctiveness
will be added to our own . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER (sarcastically): Great!! This is just wonderful!! I'm getting motion sickness as I'm sitting
next to my Captain who is turning back into a Borg drone!! Things can't get any worse!!
(Suddenly, the lights go dark, and the coaster stops. Groans can be heard in the background
from some cars behind CRUSHER and PICARD's.)
CRUSHER (quietly to herself): Me and my big mouth. (turning to someone behind her) What's going
on?
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Don't tell me you don't know.
CRUSHER: I don't.
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Haven't you heard?!
California's having a major power crisis . . . That's why the rides shut down every once in a while.
Stupid rolling blackouts!!
CRUSHER: Rolling blackouts?! I can't believe that your leader--
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: --his name's Gray Davis
CRUSHER: --Gray Davis would allow such a thing!!
ANONYMOUS UNPAID EXTRA SITTING BEHIND CRUSHER: Idunno . . . I'm just an
anonymous unpaid extra sitting behind you . . . I don't know nothin' 'bout politics . . .
(CRUSHER turns around and sighs wearily as PICARD drones on:)
PICARD: Resistance is futile . . . You will be assimilated . . .
******************************************************************************
(Setting: At the REAL entrance to the Indiana Jones Adventure finally!. We see DATA and
LAFORGE just entering where all those neat Jeep-shaped cars are:)
LAFORGE: We made it!! Finally!! We survived!!
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Now . . . what are we supposed to do?
DATA: I believe we are to get into one of those cars that is shaped like a Jeep.
LAFORGE: Oh! Okay . . .
(LAFORGE and DATA get into a car with some other people and strap themselves in.)
LAFORGE: Are you nervous, Data?
DATA: Of course not, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Oh, yeah, that's right . . . this fic takes place BEFORE you get your emotion chip . . .
(Suddenly, the car gives a jolt as it starts to move forward. The fellow passengers of our two
beloved Starfleet officers give little screams of delight as the car really starts to get going . . .)
DATA: Geordi, it would be advisable to hang on to the safety bar.
LAFORGE (sarcastically): I think I know that, Data.
******************************************************************************
(Setting: At the ruins of It's a Small World. We see RIKER and TROI slowly trying to get up
as they cough violently, covered from head to toe in soot. The crawl around the debris, sometimes
using big chunks of the ride to prop themselves up to help them stand.)
RIKER: Ooooooh . . . That didn't feel so good . . .
TROI (ecstatic): The voices!! They're gone!! Oh, Will, thank you so much!! Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you!!!
RIKER: Yeah, sure . . . (wincing as he tries to stand) Ow!! Stupid ride . . . just had to . . . play the . . .
stupid song!!
TROI: Are you all right, Will?
RIKER (dryly): Just peachy.
TROI: Maybe we should go back to the ship . . .
RIKER: No, really, I'm fine . . . Let's uh, just go find Doctor Crusher . . .
TROI: All right. You need help up, Will?
RIKER: Nope, that's--(as he tries to stand again)--AAAAUGH!!
TROI (pulling RIKER to his feet): Let's go.
******************************************************************************
(Setting: The entrance to Mickey's Toontown. We see WORF running out of Mickey's
Toontown as quickly as his Klingon legs can carry him, as he's followed by LITTLE KID #3. WORF
keeps running, until finally LITTLE KID #3 gives up, and buys an ice cream cone. WORF now just
walks toward New Orleans Square, nervously looking around him.)
WORF (mumbling to himself): I must find a way to preserve what little honor I have left . . .
(Another crowd of little kids encounters WORF, and they run away, screaming their lungs out.)
WORF (angrily): I will preserve my honor by killing Captain Picard for this!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Fantasyland with TROI and RIKER. RIKER is limping along, using TROI's
shoulder for support. Unfortunately, TROI isn't strong enough to support RIKER's weight, and they
both collapse on the ground. TROI gets up, and manages to help RIKER back up. They continue
along in a similar fashion as before, collapsing every few steps and having to get back up again. Finally,
an exhausted TROI can't take any more:)
TROI: Will!! I can't take much more of this!!
RIKER (rubbing his back): Neither can I, Deanna.
TROI: Why don't we go on the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride for a while?
RIKER: Mmmmm . . . Okay . . . That sounds good . . .
(Suddenly, a SECURITY GUARD walks up to RIKER and TROI:)
SECURITY GUARD: I'm sorry, but you two need to come with me.
TROI: What?! Why?
SECURITY GUARD: For destroying It's a Small World.
RIKER: Oh! That? We destroy things all the time!!
SECURITY GUARD: I understand, sir, but this is Disneyland . . . We don't want to expose the
children to unnecessary violence.
TROI: But that wasn't violence!
SECURITY GUARD: Then what was it?
TROI: It was . . . ummm . . . hang on . . . . uh . . .
RIKER: It was just, uh, preventing Deanna from going insane! Yeah! That's it!
SECURITY GUARD: I don't know . . . Still, I think you two should come with me, just to be sure.
TROI: Well . . . What if we don't want to?
RIKER: Yeah!! What if we're feeling really rebellious today!!
SECURITY GUARD (calling into the crowd): Bugsy!! Jasper!!!
(BUGSY and JASPER step forward from the crowd. RIKER and TROI suddenly get anxious
expressions on their faces, as BUGSY and JASPER are quite large and have a VERY significant
amount of muscle mass. They speak with Brooklyn accents:)
BUGSY: You called, Boss?
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah . . . take these two down to the security station . . . I want 'em checked
out.
JASPER: Sure thing, Boss.
(BUGSY and JASPER take hold of RIKER and TROI who are literally trembling with fear,
and they drag the two Starfleet officers away.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back with PICARD and CRUSHER on Space Mountain. PICARD is still droning on
and on about how futile resistance is, while CRUSHER slowly breathes in and out to help settle her
stomach:)
CRUSHER (mumbling to herself): All right, now, as long as the ride doesn't start up again, I'll be all
right . . .
(Suddenly, the lights flicker back to life, and the ride abruptly starts up again. As the scene
closes, we can hear a gagging noise coming from CRUSHER, and groans and complaints from the
people sitting behind her . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just inside New Orleans Square. We see WORF glancing nervously around him as he
walks, hoping to not call any unnecessary attention to himself. He notices one of those little gift shops,
and, cautiously, slips inside:)
SALESWOMAN (pleasantly): Hello, sir. What can I do for you today?
WORF (his voice lowered): Hide me.
SALESWOMAN (confused): I'm sorry . . . I don't understand . . .
WORF: Hide me!!
SALESWOMAN: From who?
WORF: JUST HIDE ME, YOU PUNY HUMAN FEMALE!!!!!!!
SALESWOMAN: Ummmm . . . okay . . . here! (she opens a little cabinet door) You think you can
squeeze in here?
WORF: I shall try.
(WORF looks quizzically at the little cabinet for a moment, then tries to get inside as the scene
closes . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside the exit for the Indiana Jones Adventure which, conveniently enough for
the owners of Disneyland, also serves as a gift shop. We see LAFORGE walk out with a huge grin
on his face:)
LAFORGE (calling over his shoulder into the exit): Wow!! That was a lot of fun, wasn't it, Data?! I
mean, all that fire and the big rolling boulder and stuff . . .
(We finally see DATA, who obviously enjoyed the gift shop. He walks out of the exit wearing
that famous leather hat, along with all those khaki explorer clothes, whip, and boots like the stuff that
Harrison Ford wore in the Indiana Jones movies.)
DATA (cocking his head): Yes, Geordi, the ride was well-worth the incredible amount of time it took
to arrive at the true entrance.
LAFORGE: You wanna go on it again, Data?
DATA: According to my internal chronometer, we would arrive in New Orleans Square three hours,
twenty-five minutes, thirty-six seconds late.
LAFORGE: Oh . . . the Captain might not like that too much . . . Well, what do you say we go on over
to New Orleans Square, and see what's over there?
DATA: Ah! An excellent idea, Geordi.
(DATA and LAFORGE slowly start to head back toward New Orleans Square.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back at the gift shop in New Orleans Square. WORF is still trying to squeeze into the
tiny cabinet:)
WORF: This is becoming very dishonorable . . .
SALESWOMAN: You need help?
WORF: To accept help from someone like you would be even MORE dishonorable!!
SALESWOMAN (backing away): Okay, okay, sheesh . . . You don't need to yell . . .
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Inside a little fake "jailhouse" in Mickey's Toontown. We see RIKER and TROI
looking sorrowfully between the bars as little kids pass by, but they think that RIKER and TROI are
part of an elaborate joke, and keep walking.)
RIKER: Please, sir!! Could you please spare some money?
TROI: Or food! We're very hungry!!
MAN: Hah-hah! Look, Tommy!! Aren't those people funny?! They're asking for our help!! Ha!!!!
TOMMY: Hah!! Yeah, Dad!!
(MAN and TOMMY walk away, laughing heartily.)
RIKER (looking as though he's going to cry): Why do they laugh (sniffle!), Deanna? (sniffle! sniffle!)
TROI: Oh, Will, don't worry! I'm sure Worf will be along in a few minutes . . . He'll help us, I'm sure!
RIKER: Okay. (sniffle!)
(They hug.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside the exit for Space Mountain. We see PICARD walking mechanically out,
still droning on about how our technological and biological distinctiveness will be added to their own,
blah, blah, blah. CRUSHER follows him out eventually, stumbling around and holding her hands over
her mouth.)
PICARD (still in his trance): . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER (weakly): Jean-Luc, I could use a little help . . .
PICARD: . . . Lower your shields and surrender your ships . . .
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc?
PICARD: . . . Your technological and biological distinctiveness will be added to our own . . .
CRUSHER: JEAN-LUC!!!!!
PICARD: . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER: JEAN-LUC, SHUT-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside Pirates of the Caribbean. We see LAFORGE and DATA still clad in
Indiana Jones attire looking around. LAFORGE is looking a little lost:)
LAFORGE: Well, Data, it looks like nobody's here yet.
DATA: Perhaps they are lost.
LAFORGE: Hmmmm . . . That could be . . . (suddenly noticing that they're standing in front of Pirates
of the Caribbean:) Hey, Data!!
DATA: What is it, Geordi?
LAFORGE: You wanna go on Pirates of the Caribbean?
DATA: I do not believe that it would do any harm.
LAFORGE: Great!! Let's go!!
(LAFORGE runs inside the building, while DATA attempts to descend the stairs, although he's
having some difficulty due to those nifty-looking Indiana Jones boots he's wearing . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Tomorrowland with CRUSHER who is still quite ill and PICARD who
still considers himself as Locutus:)
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!! Shut-up, already!!
PICARD: . . . Resistance is futile . . .
CRUSHER: YOU STUPID beeeeeeeeep!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PICARD: . . . We will add--(suddenly snapping out of his trance:) What the heck is going on?!
CRUSHER: Thank goodness!! It's about time!!
PICARD: About time for what?
CRUSHER: You were Locutus, again, Jean-Luc.
PICARD: Oh . . . Beverly, you don't look very well . . .
CRUSHER: Oh, no, Jean-Luc, really . . . (rubbing her stomach) I'll, uh, be fine . . . just don't make any
sudden moves . . .
(Suddenly, there is a very large earthquake, which shakes-up PICARD and CRUSHER pretty
well, and . . . well, needless to say, we hear gagging noises as CRUSHER's stomach rejects its
contents; PICARD holds his nose as the scene closes . . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Mickey's Toontown. It is now getting dark, but TROI is still holding out
hope:)
TROI: Don't worry, Will . . . Worf will be here . . . eventually . . . I hope . . .
RIKER: Oh, what's the point, Deanna?! Who are we trying to kid!! I should have never let the
Captain take us down here!!
TROI: DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?! WORF WILL BE HERE EVENTUALLY!!!!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back at the gift shop in New Orleans Square. WORF is STILL trying to get into the
little cabinet . . . he's almost completely inside except for his right leg:)
WORF: Puny human female!!
SALESWOMAN: The name's Cynthia.
WORF: Puny human female!!
SALESWOMAN: It's Cynthia, you nitwit!!
WORF: Chop off my leg!! It is dishonorable!!
SALESWOMAN: But, it'll make a huge mess on the floor!! My boss'll kill me for that!!
WORF: I do not care!! It is dishonorable!! Cut it off!!
SALESWOMAN: Ummmm . . . Okay, hang on . . .
(SALESWOMAN goes into the back room to look for something sharp. She comes out with
a letter-opener:)
SALESWOMAN: Will this work?
WORF: YES!!! Anything!!! Just as long as you cut it off!!!!!
SALESWOMAN: Okay, hang on . . .
(SALESWOMAN bends down with the letter-opener in her right hand to start her new job . .
.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: With LAFORGE and DATA as they ride Pirates of the Caribbean. They are entering
one of the larger rooms with all those feuding pirates:)
LAFORGE: Wow!! This is really neat, Data . . .
DATA (reading from his tricorder): Geordi?
LAFORGE: What is it, Data?
DATA: I believe that these robotic pirates (he pauses for added suspense) . . . are sentient beings.
LAFORGE: Wow!! You really think so?!
DATA: That is correct, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Well, what should we do about it?
THE PIRATES (singing): . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!!! . . .
DATA: I believe we should attempt to free them.
LAFORGE: But how will we do that, Data?
DATA: Perhaps we should ask them. (increasing the volume of his voice:) Excuse me, sirs, but
perhaps you could tell us how exactly we ought to try to free you.
THE PIRATES: . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!! . . .
DATA: I understand that is what you would like, but first you must tell us how we can help you.
THE PIRATES: . . . Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirate's life for me!! . . .
******************************************************************************
(Setting: On the bridge of the Enterprise. LIEUTENANT ONELINE is sitting in the captain's
chair, and the bridge has nothing but people we have never seen before on the show controlling it:)
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Ensign Walkon!!
ENSIGN WALKON: Yes, sir?
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Have you heard anything from the Away Team yet?
ENSIGN WALKON: Nope. Not a peep, sir.
LIEUTENANT ONELINE (muttering under his breath): It's been four hours already . . . (to ENSIGN
WALKON:) Set a course for the anomalous anomaly!
ENSIGN WALKON: But, sir! What about the Captain and the rest of the senior officers?!
LIEUTENANT ONELINE: Aw, forget them already!! You KNOW they'd do the same thing to us
without the slightest bit of hesitation . . . I think it's time to turn the tables on the writers!! Who's with
me!! MUTINY!! MUTINY!!!
ENSIGN WALKON: Yeah!! MUTINY!! MUTINY!!
(The other bridge officers soon catch on, and they all chant "MUTINY!! MUTINY!!" as the
fic ends . . .)
******************************************************************************
Did this fic barely qualify for humor, or are you rolling on the floor laughin' like there's no
tomorrow? Whatever the case may be, please let me know what you think by REVIEWING!!
Thanx!! ;)