Squall's Guide to Love.
Okay. You've met the girl/guy/sheep/warm apple pie who makes your head wander, your heart melt, and your leather pants "tent", and you don't really give a care about these side effects. All I can say in this case is "Sucks to be you." It is well known that love is evil. Love was created by Hyne to weaken opposing forces to the side that he was with so they wouldn't have the ability to fight. Nowadays, it just eliminates the minds of various people, causing them to become unable to function. You're probably asking, "That's all well and good, Squall. However, what if I don't share your mindset?" I don't really care. It takes different strokes to move the world. In these cases, I am going for the people who don't really know how to get their message of love across.(WARNING: THIS IS HUMOR. SQUALL HAS NO QUALIFICATIONS. HE IS A CERTIFIED QUACK.)
1) How to start it off.
The first step, of course, is to find a proper love interest. This is not as hard to do as it may seem. Then, you need to know if your feelings are legit. I prefer to use the "LFO test." This is so named because when you fall in love, you tend to get songs by popular crap-pop band LFO stuck in your head for weeks on end. If you do not, or do but beg your best friend to do horrible things to you to end the torture, you're in your head. If, however, you do not care, you're probably in love.
2) How do I find out if it's mutual?
The preferred way for most teens these days is to ask friends of the love interest. They'll usually ask the friend and come back to you with the answer. This is not a good idea, as there are many cases in which the friend will give false information in order to drive the person crazy and/or break his/her heart. The way I would recommend is the "Homey approach." In this one, you find a quite small group of friends who have the advantage of being in the same loop as the person but who you could also count on to keep it under wraps. I recommend a secret code symbol that'll point them to the one you're smitten with. This helps if you're trying to find ways to woo the person that the ones who know about it will be able to pick up on and/or if you need a peanut gallery to cheer you on. However, this option can also falter if you're not close enough friends with the person to be absolutely certain of their trustworthiness.
3) How do I try to win them?
There are usually two trains of thought for the answer for this age-old question. Either you have the people who'll just tell them up front how they feel, or you have the people who are too afraid to tell their feelings. Do not place yourself in one of these categories by the way you act normally. If you are in the first category, you'll set all the cards on the table at once, either giving you success or total humiliation. If you are in the second category, you may want to try to win them from afar. I recommend taking some various writings of yours, or if you are not a mage of writing such as I, song lyrics you find off the Internet, and leaving them in places you know they'll find them. If you use these, I cannot stress this enough: GET ACCESS TO A COMPUTER AND A BRAND-NEW PRINTER CARTRIDGE. The computer is important because it is the one thing where everyone has the same handwriting. If you use your own handwriting, it becomes quite easy to deduce who you are, which could leave you answering questions you are not ready to answer at that time. If you use a typewriter, you're probably safe in most cases. However, if the person is related to a detective or police officer, you run the risk of them deducing who you are from the typewriter font. Computers eliminate those by keeping all fonts in the public domain. The printer cartridge works because if you don't get one, you risk the color turning blue. This could end up with a potentially easy way to deduce who you are.
In conclusion, chances are that there's no happy ending for love. Love was bought out by Hallmark and Disney, bastardized, and sold off piece by piece. Therefore, if you're looking for love, chances are you won't find it. However, if you're just looking for a good booty call, you just might be able to do it. Now, I send you out towards the world.
_______________________________________________
Note by the author:
Why do I need a note? This is the real motherfucking deal here.
Okay. You've met the girl/guy/sheep/warm apple pie who makes your head wander, your heart melt, and your leather pants "tent", and you don't really give a care about these side effects. All I can say in this case is "Sucks to be you." It is well known that love is evil. Love was created by Hyne to weaken opposing forces to the side that he was with so they wouldn't have the ability to fight. Nowadays, it just eliminates the minds of various people, causing them to become unable to function. You're probably asking, "That's all well and good, Squall. However, what if I don't share your mindset?" I don't really care. It takes different strokes to move the world. In these cases, I am going for the people who don't really know how to get their message of love across.(WARNING: THIS IS HUMOR. SQUALL HAS NO QUALIFICATIONS. HE IS A CERTIFIED QUACK.)
1) How to start it off.
The first step, of course, is to find a proper love interest. This is not as hard to do as it may seem. Then, you need to know if your feelings are legit. I prefer to use the "LFO test." This is so named because when you fall in love, you tend to get songs by popular crap-pop band LFO stuck in your head for weeks on end. If you do not, or do but beg your best friend to do horrible things to you to end the torture, you're in your head. If, however, you do not care, you're probably in love.
2) How do I find out if it's mutual?
The preferred way for most teens these days is to ask friends of the love interest. They'll usually ask the friend and come back to you with the answer. This is not a good idea, as there are many cases in which the friend will give false information in order to drive the person crazy and/or break his/her heart. The way I would recommend is the "Homey approach." In this one, you find a quite small group of friends who have the advantage of being in the same loop as the person but who you could also count on to keep it under wraps. I recommend a secret code symbol that'll point them to the one you're smitten with. This helps if you're trying to find ways to woo the person that the ones who know about it will be able to pick up on and/or if you need a peanut gallery to cheer you on. However, this option can also falter if you're not close enough friends with the person to be absolutely certain of their trustworthiness.
3) How do I try to win them?
There are usually two trains of thought for the answer for this age-old question. Either you have the people who'll just tell them up front how they feel, or you have the people who are too afraid to tell their feelings. Do not place yourself in one of these categories by the way you act normally. If you are in the first category, you'll set all the cards on the table at once, either giving you success or total humiliation. If you are in the second category, you may want to try to win them from afar. I recommend taking some various writings of yours, or if you are not a mage of writing such as I, song lyrics you find off the Internet, and leaving them in places you know they'll find them. If you use these, I cannot stress this enough: GET ACCESS TO A COMPUTER AND A BRAND-NEW PRINTER CARTRIDGE. The computer is important because it is the one thing where everyone has the same handwriting. If you use your own handwriting, it becomes quite easy to deduce who you are, which could leave you answering questions you are not ready to answer at that time. If you use a typewriter, you're probably safe in most cases. However, if the person is related to a detective or police officer, you run the risk of them deducing who you are from the typewriter font. Computers eliminate those by keeping all fonts in the public domain. The printer cartridge works because if you don't get one, you risk the color turning blue. This could end up with a potentially easy way to deduce who you are.
In conclusion, chances are that there's no happy ending for love. Love was bought out by Hallmark and Disney, bastardized, and sold off piece by piece. Therefore, if you're looking for love, chances are you won't find it. However, if you're just looking for a good booty call, you just might be able to do it. Now, I send you out towards the world.
_______________________________________________
Note by the author:
Why do I need a note? This is the real motherfucking deal here.