Title: Parallels I - Ophelia
Author: SexyPhile
E-mail: sexyphile@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13 (a couple of "bad" words)
Spoilers: No real spoilers...occurs before "Milagro"
Keywords: Scully Angst, Mulder/Scully Friendship
Distribution: Gossamer ok. Others, please ask (I like to know where my
stuff is)
Disclaimer: "The X-Files", Dana Scully, Fox Mulder and any other character
you recognize belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Television.
The song "Cry Ophelia" belongs to Adam Cohen and can be found on the
"Dawson's Creek" Soundtrack.
Summary: Stress gets the better of Scully. . .
* * * * * *
You say you wanna learn how to live your life without tears
But we've been trying to do that for thousands of years
So go on and cry Ophelia
It's the only thing to do sometimes
You know I'm crying too
Right there with you
It's alright Ophelia
Everybody cries
* * * * * *
Tuesday. It was only Tuesday. These days time seemed to
move so slowly and yet there was never enough time to get
everything done. Ever since the X-Files had been re-opened,BR
it felt like she was working non-stop. The paperwork had BR
always been a pain, but now there were even more reports to BR
file and forms to fill out. Mulder was never any help. BR
Well, he tried, but he would always get fed up halfway BR
through and either just stop or start filling them out with BR
bogus information and smartass comments. Any reports or BR
forms that Mulder completed, she would have to go over before BR
handing in to Skinner, which made more work for her. So, BR
she usually just did the reports right the first time, and BR
let Mulder look for the new cases.BR
BR
Today, though, she was tired. She wasn't sleeping well at BR
night. Even though she felt exhausted, she would lie awake BR
at night, thinking of all the things she needed to get done.BR
As if her job wasn't stressful enough, her brother Charlie BR
was getting married in a month. Her mother was driving her BR
crazy with dress fittings and decisions. She had protested BR
that she wasn't even sure if she would be in town for the BR
wedding because of work, so she really shouldn't be in the BR
wedding party, but of course Maggie Scully would have none BR
of that. Bill had chimed in that family came first, and she BR
hadn't been able to go to *his* wedding, so she ought to go BR
to her other brother's. Reluctantly, she agreed, and had BR
spent the last two months listening to her mother and BR
Charlie's fiancee, Lauren, go over every little detail. BR
Scully loved weddings as much as the next person, but as a BR
single woman in her 30s, she was plagued by loneliness.BR
BR
And if that weren't enough to make her go crazy, her BR
finances were in serious trouble. She had begun to make a BR
dent in the hospital bills from the two years ago and was BR
close to finally paying off her student loans from medical BR
school, but with her off-and-on suspensions with and without BR
pay, she wasn't sure if she would make rent next month. She BR
was tired of being in debt, so she didn't want to take out BR
another loan to cover her expenses. She just hoped that she BR
could make it through somehow.BR
BR
She sighed and rolled her neck around, reaching her right BR
hand up to rub the kinks out. Her muscles were all so BR
tense, but she hadn't had enough time lately to do her BR
normal stress-relieving activities like a warm bath or a BR
couple hours at the gym. She made a mental note to find BR
some time this weekend to just unwind. She sighed again and BR
then went back to the mind-numbing activity of field BR
expenditure forms, which, of course, had to be filled out BR
in triplicate.BR
BR
"Scully, you OK?" Mulder queried after hearing her sigh theBR
second time.BR
BR
Scully looked up, startled. She had been lost in her own BR
thoughts for so long, she had forgotten he was here. "Yeah,BR
I'm fine, Mulder, just a little tired. You know how much BR
fun filling out these forms is." She managed a weak smile BR
and then went back to work.BR
BR
Mulder wasn't sure what scared him more: her automatic BR
response of "I'm fine" or the dark circles under her eyes BR
that told him she was most definitely *not* fine. He BR
thought they had gotten past the closed-off thinking and theBR
emotional walls. After all they had been through, she stillBR
felt that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. It was BR
only after near-death experiences that she would break down BR
and have a good cry. He knew as a psychologist as well as BR
her friend that pent-up feelings, whether happy, angry, BR
whatever, were not healthy. These last two weeks, he had BR
noticed that she seemed run down, but all inquiries were BR
dismissed with her trademark, "I'm fine, Mulder."BR
BR
Scully looked up an hour later and decided she had done as BR
much work as she could for one day. She could feel her eyesBR
drifting shut and the words on the form she was filling out BR
were swimming together. She was sure Mulder wouldn't mind BR
if she left early. She had a long week and weekend ahead ofBR
her. Charlie and Lauren were coming into town on Thursday BR
and Bill, Tara and Matthew would be arriving on Saturday. BR
The family had decided that planning this wedding was giving BR
them the perfect excuse to get together more often. Scully BR
had a million things to do between now and then and she BR
never knew when a new case would come up. Maggie, Lauren, BR
and Tara were coming over to her apartment on Saturday, so BR
she needed to get it cleaned up. She also had to go groceryBR
shopping, pick up her dry cleaning, and get her hair cut. BR
She hated when it got long--it was just too much maintenance.BR
BR
"Mulder?" Scully said.BR
BR
"Hmmm?"BR
BR
"I'm going to cut out early today. I've got some errands BR
to run and we're not really busy today, so. . ." She BR
trailed off.BR
BR
Scully thought she saw a look of surprise flicker across BR
his face, but it was quickly replaced by concern. "Sure, BR
Scully. Nothing's wrong, I hope?"BR
BR
"No, no. I've just got a lot of things to do before my BR
brothers come into town."BR
BR
"More wedding plans?"BR
BR
"Yep. You'd think we were trying to organize a coronation BR
instead of a wedding. I swear I've seen more of my family BR
in these last two months than I have in the last six years."BR
BR
"It must be nice."BR
BR
"It is. It's just. . . I don't know. . . planning this BR
whole thing has got me thinking about my current love BR
situation, or should I say, lack there of. It's not like I BR
need someone to function or anything, but Lauren, Tara, and BR
Mom are having so much fun with it, I just wish. . . you BR
know?"BR
BR
"Yeah. I think I understand what you're saying. Well, I BR
won't hold up any longer. Go get your errands done and then BR
get some sleep. You look like you could use some." Mulder BR
said, in a last ditch effort to get her to confide in him BR
what else was bothering her.BR
BR
"Thanks." Scully smiled absently. She turned off her BR
computer and grabbed her purse. "I'll see you tomorrow, BR
OK?"BR
BR
"See ya!" Mulder watched her leave. He hoped she would be BR
okay. He knew she was a big girl and could take care of BR
herself, and although she always told him she would tell BR
him if things got rough, he doubted she really would. She BR
was too proud. He knew he would not think less of her for BR
it. In fact, he would definitely think more of her for BR
overcoming her fear, but no matter what he said, he could BR
never convince her of that.BR
BR
* * * * * *BR
BR
You've been working hardBR
Just trying to pay the rentBR
Tryin' to draw the line between who you are and who you invent
But if you throw a stoneBR
Something's gonna shatter somewhereBR
We're all so fragileBR
We're all so scared BR
BR
* * * * * *BR
BR
6:30. How'd it get to be so late, Scully wondered to BR
herself. She had left the office around two, and had been BR
going ever since. She had picked up her dry-cleaning, only BR
to realize now that she was home, that it wasn't hers. Then BR
when she called the cleaners, she discovered that they close BR
at 5:30 on Tuesdays, so she'd have to wait until tomorrow BR
to pick up her clothes. She had gotten the groceries, but BR
when she called for a hair appointment, they couldn't fit BR
her in until Friday. As if she didn't have enough to do BR
on Friday.BR
BR
Scully sighed as she sank down on her sofa and kicked her BR
shoes off. She wiggled her toes and tried to ignore the BR
soreness she felt. She knew she should eat some dinner, but BR
she wasn't very hungry. She decided to finish the report BR
she had been working on before she left work. All she BR
really wanted to do was take a nap, but when there was work BR
to do, she couldn't really justify taking time out for BR
herself.BR
BR
Scully went into her bedroom to change into some comfy BR
clothes. She took off her pantsuit and pulled on an extra BR
large black T-shirt with FBI written in white block letters BR
across the chest and some gray running shorts. She wandered BR
into the bathroom and flicked on the light. Mechanically, BR
she scrubbed off her make-up and then put her hair up with a BR
white scrunchie. She glanced up at the mirror and noticed BR
the large circles under her eyes. She really needed to get BR
more sleep. Maybe when things settled down.BR
BR
Turning off the light, she went into the living room to BR
retrieve her laptop and then she padded back to her bedroom. BR
She clicked on the lamp on her bedside table and climbed BR
onto her bed. She loved laying on her bed because she had BR
so many overstuffed pillows. It was kinda girlie, but she BR
liked it anyway. Rationally, she knew she didn't need a BR
queen-sized be as a single woman, but it was nice to have BR
the space on days like this. Besides, one day (hopefully BR
sooner rather than later), she hoped she would be sharing BR
it. Well, enough feeling sorry for yourself, Dana, she BR
scolded herself, you've got work to do.BR
BR
Once she got settled, she turned on her laptop and waited BR
for it to boot up. She really needed a faster computer, but BR
with her finances the way they were, she really couldn't BR
afford to buy a new one or even an upgrade. Once it was BR
ready, she plugged in her second line to the modem and BR
accessed her report from the FBI database. Halfway through, BR
she could feel her eyes falling shut. Well, maybe she'd justBR
rest her eyes for a minutes. . .BR
BR
* * * * * *BR
BR
Something went wrongBR
You are not laughingBR
It's not so easy now to get your smileBR
You gotta be wrongBR
To walk these streetsBR
And keep from fallingBR
But when you're not, just let yourself cryBR
BR
* * * * * *BR
BR
WednesdayBR
10:31 a.m.BR
Scully's ApartmentBR
BR
Mulder pounded furiously on Scully's door. At first he BR
hadn't been worried. He usually got to work before she did, BR
but when it got to be after 9:30, he knew something was up. BR
He tried calling her cell phone, but it was turned off. He BR
then tried calling her apartment, but got no answer there as BR
well. So now, here he was, pounding on her door, to no BR
avail. He was debating whether or not he should use his BR
key. His need to find out if she was okay won out over his BR
fear of invading her privacy. Mulder fished his keys out BR
of his pocket and found her key. Hesitating slightly, not BR
sure of what he might find, he unlocked her door and quietly BR
stepped inside.BR
BR
"Scully! Are you home?" Mulder called out. He stood BR
silent for a moment, listening for a reply. At first, he BR
heard nothing, then what sounded like a moan coming from BR
Scully's bedroom, but he was not prepared for what he saw. BR
Scully was stretched out on her bed with her computer on BR
her lap and her case notes spread out around her. Relieved BR
that she was alive, he let out the breath he hadn't realized BR
he had been holding.BR
BR
Mulder turned off her computer and moved it off her. She BR
groaned again and this time she rolled onto her left side, BR
so her back was facing him. He leaned over her and gently BR
shook her shoulder. "Scully, c'mon, it's time to get up BR
now. It's 10:30. . ."BR
BR
Scully murmured, "Just a few more minutes. . ."BR
BR
"C'mon Scully. You gotta get up. You're late for work andBR
Skinner wants to see us for a meeting at 12:30. You've got BR
to wake up now." Mulder hated to disturb her sleep since it BR
seemed this was the first time she had slept well in days, BR
but. . .BR
BR
"Mulder, what are you doing here? What time is it?" BR
Scully interrupted Mulder's thoughts, looking very confused BR
and only somewhat awake,BR
BR
"It's 10:30, Scully. You didn't come to work this morning, BR
so I got worried. Are you. . .?" Before Mulder finished BR
his question, Scully was out of bed and frantically trying BR
to gather up her papers.BR
BR
"Omigod! How could this happen?! Oh fuck, now I don't have BR
our report done for our meeting with Skinner! I knew I BR
shouldn't have cut out early yesterday. I could have gotten BR
my errands done today. Smooth move, Dana, and now I don't BR
even have time for breakfast. . .Oh shit! The groceries!" BR
Scully flew out of the room toward the kitchen.BR
BR
Mulder watched her tirade in silence. He was stunned. BR
He'd never seen her act so manic before. Something was BR
definitely wrong with her. He couldn't watch her suffer any BR
longer.BR
BR
Mulder slowly moved toward the kitchen, but when he heard BR
the commotion, he moved quickly to investigate. He entered BR
the kitchen to find Scully throwing food packages at the BR
wall and to the floor.BR
BR
"Scully!" Mulder exclaimed out of shock.BR
BR
"What?!" Scully answered, obviously exasperated. She BR
couldn't believe this was happening. She had totally BR
forgotten about the food she had bought the day before, so BR
now all the perishable items were ruined. It wasn't like BR
her to get so angry about something like this, but then BR
again, it wasn't like her to do something like this. She BR
couldn't believe she had overslept like this. She had so BR
much to do. She only had an hour to get ready. This was BR
going to be a horrible day, she could tell already.BR
BR
"What did it do to you?" Mulder joked weakly about the BR
food now littering her kitchen floor.BR
BR
"What? Huh? Oh, nothing. I just forgot to put it away BR
last night and it has spoiled. No big deal. I guess I'll BR
just have to stop by the store tonight after work." Scully BR
abruptly switched gears, and seemed completely rational, as BR
if this was normal behavior for her.BR
BR
"Scully? I'm serious. What is going on? You've got to BR
open up a little bit. I'm completely in the dark here."BR
BR
"I'm okay, Mulder. I just overslept and I've got a lot to BR
do today."BR
BR
"Stop lying to me. You are NOT okay and you are NOT fine. BR
Don't think you have to go through this by yourself. I BR
know, you think that you have to keep it all inside and it BR
will go away. It's not going away, Scully, whatever it is. BR
You may think that you don't need me, and that may be true, BR
but I need you. It hurts me so much when you just close off BR
to me. Now, tell me what it going on." Mulder laid it all BR
on the table. Now it was up to her to take the lead.BR
BR
"Mulder, look, it's stupid, okay? I've just had a hard timeBR
sleeping is all. Sorry about being late for work. Other BR
than that I'm fine." Scully smiled, but Mulder could see BR
that her eyes weren't agreeing with what her mouth was BR
saying.BR
BR
"I hear what you're saying, but I don't believe it. BR
Whatever is bothering, it's not stupid. If you weren't so BR
tense and hard on yourself you'd realize that you've got to BR
find an outlet for this. Talk to me. Tell me what you're BR
feeling." Mulder pleaded with her.BR
BR
"Okay, if you really want to know. . ."BR
BR
"I do."BR
BR
"It's just...well...I guess I'm just stressed out. I'm BR
tired all the time, but I can't sleep at night, well, except BR
for last night I suppose. And my family is coming into town BR
tomorrow, for like, the tenth time this year, to plan this BR
*wedding*, which just seems like nothing but a constant BR
reminder that I am the only single member of the Scully BR
family left. Except Mom, but she was married, so that BR
doesn't count. My bills just keep piling up and I may not BR
make rent next month. And now, I've overslept and I haven't BR
finished our report, so Skinner going to freak..." The BR
words came tumbling out, but instead of feeling better, she BR
started feeling worse.BR
BR
"Oh Scully, why didn't you say something sooner? How could BR
you just keep all that locked inside?" Mulder's heart was BR
filled with compassion and joy that she had finally decided BR
to trust him with her emotions.BR
BR
"Look, I don't need your pity. And this didn't make me feel BR
any better. In fact, I feel a little bit worse now, so if BR
you would please just excuse me, I've got to get ready for BR
work." She brushed passed him and moved toward the bedroom. BR
She could feel tears forming in her eyes, but she wouldn't BR
allow herself to cry.BR
BR
"Scully, don't walk away from me. I'm not pitying you. BR
Actually, right now, I'm so proud of you. But I don't think BR
you're done healing yet. You've got one more barrier to BR
break."BR
BR
Without turning around, Scully asked, "What's that?"BR
BR
"Haven't you ever heard of having a good cry? It's not a BR
sign of weakness. It's just a way of letting go. I've BR
heard your problems, but I don't think you've actually let BR
them out."BR
BR
Scully mumbled something that Mulder couldn't quite hear.BR
"What?"BR
BR
"I said, I'm afraid. I don't think I can."BR
BR
"Sure you can. You were on the brink in the kitchen. Just BR
let go."BR
BR
Scully slowly turned to face him. Her eyes were glassy withBR
tears daring to spill onto her cheeks at any moment. He BR
opened his arms and she collapsed into them. The tears BR
began to flow, slowly at first, but then she felt like it BR
was a waterfall that would never stop.BR
BR
Mulder felt her shake as her tears dampened his shirt. BR
Finally, he thought, she could start to heal. All those BR
years of trauma were surfacing and she could begin to let BR
go of her fears and doubts. BR
BR
Her sobbing began to subside. Strangely enough, she felt a BR
little better. Scully pulled her head off Mulder's chest BR
and looked up at him.BR
BR
"Thank you. I needed that." Scully said softly.BR
BR
"You're welcome. Now, go get dressed, young lady, before BR
we have to explain to Skinner why we're late for the BR
meeting."BR
BR
Scully pulled out of his embrace and headed toward her BR
bedroom. When she reached the doorway, she turned around. BR
"You know, Mulder, I'm so glad I have you in my life. I BR
don't know what I would do without you. Deep down I think BR
everybody, including me, needs someone to take care of them.BR
I'm glad you're my guy."BR
BR
And with that, she turned back around and shut the door.BR
BR
End Part OneBR
BR
* * * * * *
Author: SexyPhile
E-mail: sexyphile@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13 (a couple of "bad" words)
Spoilers: No real spoilers...occurs before "Milagro"
Keywords: Scully Angst, Mulder/Scully Friendship
Distribution: Gossamer ok. Others, please ask (I like to know where my
stuff is)
Disclaimer: "The X-Files", Dana Scully, Fox Mulder and any other character
you recognize belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Television.
The song "Cry Ophelia" belongs to Adam Cohen and can be found on the
"Dawson's Creek" Soundtrack.
Summary: Stress gets the better of Scully. . .
* * * * * *
You say you wanna learn how to live your life without tears
But we've been trying to do that for thousands of years
So go on and cry Ophelia
It's the only thing to do sometimes
You know I'm crying too
Right there with you
It's alright Ophelia
Everybody cries
* * * * * *
Tuesday. It was only Tuesday. These days time seemed to
move so slowly and yet there was never enough time to get
everything done. Ever since the X-Files had been re-opened,BR
it felt like she was working non-stop. The paperwork had BR
always been a pain, but now there were even more reports to BR
file and forms to fill out. Mulder was never any help. BR
Well, he tried, but he would always get fed up halfway BR
through and either just stop or start filling them out with BR
bogus information and smartass comments. Any reports or BR
forms that Mulder completed, she would have to go over before BR
handing in to Skinner, which made more work for her. So, BR
she usually just did the reports right the first time, and BR
let Mulder look for the new cases.BR
BR
Today, though, she was tired. She wasn't sleeping well at BR
night. Even though she felt exhausted, she would lie awake BR
at night, thinking of all the things she needed to get done.BR
As if her job wasn't stressful enough, her brother Charlie BR
was getting married in a month. Her mother was driving her BR
crazy with dress fittings and decisions. She had protested BR
that she wasn't even sure if she would be in town for the BR
wedding because of work, so she really shouldn't be in the BR
wedding party, but of course Maggie Scully would have none BR
of that. Bill had chimed in that family came first, and she BR
hadn't been able to go to *his* wedding, so she ought to go BR
to her other brother's. Reluctantly, she agreed, and had BR
spent the last two months listening to her mother and BR
Charlie's fiancee, Lauren, go over every little detail. BR
Scully loved weddings as much as the next person, but as a BR
single woman in her 30s, she was plagued by loneliness.BR
BR
And if that weren't enough to make her go crazy, her BR
finances were in serious trouble. She had begun to make a BR
dent in the hospital bills from the two years ago and was BR
close to finally paying off her student loans from medical BR
school, but with her off-and-on suspensions with and without BR
pay, she wasn't sure if she would make rent next month. She BR
was tired of being in debt, so she didn't want to take out BR
another loan to cover her expenses. She just hoped that she BR
could make it through somehow.BR
BR
She sighed and rolled her neck around, reaching her right BR
hand up to rub the kinks out. Her muscles were all so BR
tense, but she hadn't had enough time lately to do her BR
normal stress-relieving activities like a warm bath or a BR
couple hours at the gym. She made a mental note to find BR
some time this weekend to just unwind. She sighed again and BR
then went back to the mind-numbing activity of field BR
expenditure forms, which, of course, had to be filled out BR
in triplicate.BR
BR
"Scully, you OK?" Mulder queried after hearing her sigh theBR
second time.BR
BR
Scully looked up, startled. She had been lost in her own BR
thoughts for so long, she had forgotten he was here. "Yeah,BR
I'm fine, Mulder, just a little tired. You know how much BR
fun filling out these forms is." She managed a weak smile BR
and then went back to work.BR
BR
Mulder wasn't sure what scared him more: her automatic BR
response of "I'm fine" or the dark circles under her eyes BR
that told him she was most definitely *not* fine. He BR
thought they had gotten past the closed-off thinking and theBR
emotional walls. After all they had been through, she stillBR
felt that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. It was BR
only after near-death experiences that she would break down BR
and have a good cry. He knew as a psychologist as well as BR
her friend that pent-up feelings, whether happy, angry, BR
whatever, were not healthy. These last two weeks, he had BR
noticed that she seemed run down, but all inquiries were BR
dismissed with her trademark, "I'm fine, Mulder."BR
BR
Scully looked up an hour later and decided she had done as BR
much work as she could for one day. She could feel her eyesBR
drifting shut and the words on the form she was filling out BR
were swimming together. She was sure Mulder wouldn't mind BR
if she left early. She had a long week and weekend ahead ofBR
her. Charlie and Lauren were coming into town on Thursday BR
and Bill, Tara and Matthew would be arriving on Saturday. BR
The family had decided that planning this wedding was giving BR
them the perfect excuse to get together more often. Scully BR
had a million things to do between now and then and she BR
never knew when a new case would come up. Maggie, Lauren, BR
and Tara were coming over to her apartment on Saturday, so BR
she needed to get it cleaned up. She also had to go groceryBR
shopping, pick up her dry cleaning, and get her hair cut. BR
She hated when it got long--it was just too much maintenance.BR
BR
"Mulder?" Scully said.BR
BR
"Hmmm?"BR
BR
"I'm going to cut out early today. I've got some errands BR
to run and we're not really busy today, so. . ." She BR
trailed off.BR
BR
Scully thought she saw a look of surprise flicker across BR
his face, but it was quickly replaced by concern. "Sure, BR
Scully. Nothing's wrong, I hope?"BR
BR
"No, no. I've just got a lot of things to do before my BR
brothers come into town."BR
BR
"More wedding plans?"BR
BR
"Yep. You'd think we were trying to organize a coronation BR
instead of a wedding. I swear I've seen more of my family BR
in these last two months than I have in the last six years."BR
BR
"It must be nice."BR
BR
"It is. It's just. . . I don't know. . . planning this BR
whole thing has got me thinking about my current love BR
situation, or should I say, lack there of. It's not like I BR
need someone to function or anything, but Lauren, Tara, and BR
Mom are having so much fun with it, I just wish. . . you BR
know?"BR
BR
"Yeah. I think I understand what you're saying. Well, I BR
won't hold up any longer. Go get your errands done and then BR
get some sleep. You look like you could use some." Mulder BR
said, in a last ditch effort to get her to confide in him BR
what else was bothering her.BR
BR
"Thanks." Scully smiled absently. She turned off her BR
computer and grabbed her purse. "I'll see you tomorrow, BR
OK?"BR
BR
"See ya!" Mulder watched her leave. He hoped she would be BR
okay. He knew she was a big girl and could take care of BR
herself, and although she always told him she would tell BR
him if things got rough, he doubted she really would. She BR
was too proud. He knew he would not think less of her for BR
it. In fact, he would definitely think more of her for BR
overcoming her fear, but no matter what he said, he could BR
never convince her of that.BR
BR
* * * * * *BR
BR
You've been working hardBR
Just trying to pay the rentBR
Tryin' to draw the line between who you are and who you invent
But if you throw a stoneBR
Something's gonna shatter somewhereBR
We're all so fragileBR
We're all so scared BR
BR
* * * * * *BR
BR
6:30. How'd it get to be so late, Scully wondered to BR
herself. She had left the office around two, and had been BR
going ever since. She had picked up her dry-cleaning, only BR
to realize now that she was home, that it wasn't hers. Then BR
when she called the cleaners, she discovered that they close BR
at 5:30 on Tuesdays, so she'd have to wait until tomorrow BR
to pick up her clothes. She had gotten the groceries, but BR
when she called for a hair appointment, they couldn't fit BR
her in until Friday. As if she didn't have enough to do BR
on Friday.BR
BR
Scully sighed as she sank down on her sofa and kicked her BR
shoes off. She wiggled her toes and tried to ignore the BR
soreness she felt. She knew she should eat some dinner, but BR
she wasn't very hungry. She decided to finish the report BR
she had been working on before she left work. All she BR
really wanted to do was take a nap, but when there was work BR
to do, she couldn't really justify taking time out for BR
herself.BR
BR
Scully went into her bedroom to change into some comfy BR
clothes. She took off her pantsuit and pulled on an extra BR
large black T-shirt with FBI written in white block letters BR
across the chest and some gray running shorts. She wandered BR
into the bathroom and flicked on the light. Mechanically, BR
she scrubbed off her make-up and then put her hair up with a BR
white scrunchie. She glanced up at the mirror and noticed BR
the large circles under her eyes. She really needed to get BR
more sleep. Maybe when things settled down.BR
BR
Turning off the light, she went into the living room to BR
retrieve her laptop and then she padded back to her bedroom. BR
She clicked on the lamp on her bedside table and climbed BR
onto her bed. She loved laying on her bed because she had BR
so many overstuffed pillows. It was kinda girlie, but she BR
liked it anyway. Rationally, she knew she didn't need a BR
queen-sized be as a single woman, but it was nice to have BR
the space on days like this. Besides, one day (hopefully BR
sooner rather than later), she hoped she would be sharing BR
it. Well, enough feeling sorry for yourself, Dana, she BR
scolded herself, you've got work to do.BR
BR
Once she got settled, she turned on her laptop and waited BR
for it to boot up. She really needed a faster computer, but BR
with her finances the way they were, she really couldn't BR
afford to buy a new one or even an upgrade. Once it was BR
ready, she plugged in her second line to the modem and BR
accessed her report from the FBI database. Halfway through, BR
she could feel her eyes falling shut. Well, maybe she'd justBR
rest her eyes for a minutes. . .BR
BR
* * * * * *BR
BR
Something went wrongBR
You are not laughingBR
It's not so easy now to get your smileBR
You gotta be wrongBR
To walk these streetsBR
And keep from fallingBR
But when you're not, just let yourself cryBR
BR
* * * * * *BR
BR
WednesdayBR
10:31 a.m.BR
Scully's ApartmentBR
BR
Mulder pounded furiously on Scully's door. At first he BR
hadn't been worried. He usually got to work before she did, BR
but when it got to be after 9:30, he knew something was up. BR
He tried calling her cell phone, but it was turned off. He BR
then tried calling her apartment, but got no answer there as BR
well. So now, here he was, pounding on her door, to no BR
avail. He was debating whether or not he should use his BR
key. His need to find out if she was okay won out over his BR
fear of invading her privacy. Mulder fished his keys out BR
of his pocket and found her key. Hesitating slightly, not BR
sure of what he might find, he unlocked her door and quietly BR
stepped inside.BR
BR
"Scully! Are you home?" Mulder called out. He stood BR
silent for a moment, listening for a reply. At first, he BR
heard nothing, then what sounded like a moan coming from BR
Scully's bedroom, but he was not prepared for what he saw. BR
Scully was stretched out on her bed with her computer on BR
her lap and her case notes spread out around her. Relieved BR
that she was alive, he let out the breath he hadn't realized BR
he had been holding.BR
BR
Mulder turned off her computer and moved it off her. She BR
groaned again and this time she rolled onto her left side, BR
so her back was facing him. He leaned over her and gently BR
shook her shoulder. "Scully, c'mon, it's time to get up BR
now. It's 10:30. . ."BR
BR
Scully murmured, "Just a few more minutes. . ."BR
BR
"C'mon Scully. You gotta get up. You're late for work andBR
Skinner wants to see us for a meeting at 12:30. You've got BR
to wake up now." Mulder hated to disturb her sleep since it BR
seemed this was the first time she had slept well in days, BR
but. . .BR
BR
"Mulder, what are you doing here? What time is it?" BR
Scully interrupted Mulder's thoughts, looking very confused BR
and only somewhat awake,BR
BR
"It's 10:30, Scully. You didn't come to work this morning, BR
so I got worried. Are you. . .?" Before Mulder finished BR
his question, Scully was out of bed and frantically trying BR
to gather up her papers.BR
BR
"Omigod! How could this happen?! Oh fuck, now I don't have BR
our report done for our meeting with Skinner! I knew I BR
shouldn't have cut out early yesterday. I could have gotten BR
my errands done today. Smooth move, Dana, and now I don't BR
even have time for breakfast. . .Oh shit! The groceries!" BR
Scully flew out of the room toward the kitchen.BR
BR
Mulder watched her tirade in silence. He was stunned. BR
He'd never seen her act so manic before. Something was BR
definitely wrong with her. He couldn't watch her suffer any BR
longer.BR
BR
Mulder slowly moved toward the kitchen, but when he heard BR
the commotion, he moved quickly to investigate. He entered BR
the kitchen to find Scully throwing food packages at the BR
wall and to the floor.BR
BR
"Scully!" Mulder exclaimed out of shock.BR
BR
"What?!" Scully answered, obviously exasperated. She BR
couldn't believe this was happening. She had totally BR
forgotten about the food she had bought the day before, so BR
now all the perishable items were ruined. It wasn't like BR
her to get so angry about something like this, but then BR
again, it wasn't like her to do something like this. She BR
couldn't believe she had overslept like this. She had so BR
much to do. She only had an hour to get ready. This was BR
going to be a horrible day, she could tell already.BR
BR
"What did it do to you?" Mulder joked weakly about the BR
food now littering her kitchen floor.BR
BR
"What? Huh? Oh, nothing. I just forgot to put it away BR
last night and it has spoiled. No big deal. I guess I'll BR
just have to stop by the store tonight after work." Scully BR
abruptly switched gears, and seemed completely rational, as BR
if this was normal behavior for her.BR
BR
"Scully? I'm serious. What is going on? You've got to BR
open up a little bit. I'm completely in the dark here."BR
BR
"I'm okay, Mulder. I just overslept and I've got a lot to BR
do today."BR
BR
"Stop lying to me. You are NOT okay and you are NOT fine. BR
Don't think you have to go through this by yourself. I BR
know, you think that you have to keep it all inside and it BR
will go away. It's not going away, Scully, whatever it is. BR
You may think that you don't need me, and that may be true, BR
but I need you. It hurts me so much when you just close off BR
to me. Now, tell me what it going on." Mulder laid it all BR
on the table. Now it was up to her to take the lead.BR
BR
"Mulder, look, it's stupid, okay? I've just had a hard timeBR
sleeping is all. Sorry about being late for work. Other BR
than that I'm fine." Scully smiled, but Mulder could see BR
that her eyes weren't agreeing with what her mouth was BR
saying.BR
BR
"I hear what you're saying, but I don't believe it. BR
Whatever is bothering, it's not stupid. If you weren't so BR
tense and hard on yourself you'd realize that you've got to BR
find an outlet for this. Talk to me. Tell me what you're BR
feeling." Mulder pleaded with her.BR
BR
"Okay, if you really want to know. . ."BR
BR
"I do."BR
BR
"It's just...well...I guess I'm just stressed out. I'm BR
tired all the time, but I can't sleep at night, well, except BR
for last night I suppose. And my family is coming into town BR
tomorrow, for like, the tenth time this year, to plan this BR
*wedding*, which just seems like nothing but a constant BR
reminder that I am the only single member of the Scully BR
family left. Except Mom, but she was married, so that BR
doesn't count. My bills just keep piling up and I may not BR
make rent next month. And now, I've overslept and I haven't BR
finished our report, so Skinner going to freak..." The BR
words came tumbling out, but instead of feeling better, she BR
started feeling worse.BR
BR
"Oh Scully, why didn't you say something sooner? How could BR
you just keep all that locked inside?" Mulder's heart was BR
filled with compassion and joy that she had finally decided BR
to trust him with her emotions.BR
BR
"Look, I don't need your pity. And this didn't make me feel BR
any better. In fact, I feel a little bit worse now, so if BR
you would please just excuse me, I've got to get ready for BR
work." She brushed passed him and moved toward the bedroom. BR
She could feel tears forming in her eyes, but she wouldn't BR
allow herself to cry.BR
BR
"Scully, don't walk away from me. I'm not pitying you. BR
Actually, right now, I'm so proud of you. But I don't think BR
you're done healing yet. You've got one more barrier to BR
break."BR
BR
Without turning around, Scully asked, "What's that?"BR
BR
"Haven't you ever heard of having a good cry? It's not a BR
sign of weakness. It's just a way of letting go. I've BR
heard your problems, but I don't think you've actually let BR
them out."BR
BR
Scully mumbled something that Mulder couldn't quite hear.BR
"What?"BR
BR
"I said, I'm afraid. I don't think I can."BR
BR
"Sure you can. You were on the brink in the kitchen. Just BR
let go."BR
BR
Scully slowly turned to face him. Her eyes were glassy withBR
tears daring to spill onto her cheeks at any moment. He BR
opened his arms and she collapsed into them. The tears BR
began to flow, slowly at first, but then she felt like it BR
was a waterfall that would never stop.BR
BR
Mulder felt her shake as her tears dampened his shirt. BR
Finally, he thought, she could start to heal. All those BR
years of trauma were surfacing and she could begin to let BR
go of her fears and doubts. BR
BR
Her sobbing began to subside. Strangely enough, she felt a BR
little better. Scully pulled her head off Mulder's chest BR
and looked up at him.BR
BR
"Thank you. I needed that." Scully said softly.BR
BR
"You're welcome. Now, go get dressed, young lady, before BR
we have to explain to Skinner why we're late for the BR
meeting."BR
BR
Scully pulled out of his embrace and headed toward her BR
bedroom. When she reached the doorway, she turned around. BR
"You know, Mulder, I'm so glad I have you in my life. I BR
don't know what I would do without you. Deep down I think BR
everybody, including me, needs someone to take care of them.BR
I'm glad you're my guy."BR
BR
And with that, she turned back around and shut the door.BR
BR
End Part OneBR
BR
* * * * * *