Title: Parallels III - One Sweet Day
Author: Sexy Phile
E-mail: sexyphile@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Beyond the Sea, The Blessing Way/Paper Clip
Keywords: ScullyAngst, MSR
Disclaimer: The X-Files and any character you recognized from the show do
not belong to me. I am only borrowing them, but I will be making no money
from this. My payment is purely feedback. The song "One Sweet Day"
belongs to Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men.
Summary: Scully deals with the aftermath of her mother's urgent phone call.
Author's Notes: This story has changed many times, but I think I finally
found the right combination. This piece has been a labor of love for me.
The actions of Mulder and Scully may not be true to character, but they are
my tools for recovery. I've taken to using fanfic as a way for me to work
through my own traumas. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, but
please no flames because this is my soul in words. This is dedicated to
anyone experienced these events.
* * * * * *
Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord, I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen when I pray
* * * * * *
Wednesday
9:03 p.m.
Scully's Apartment
"Dana," Margaret Scully's voice filled the air, sounding as if she'd been
crying. "Please pick up if you're there. I need to talk to you. . ."
"What's wrong, Mom?" Scully had gotten up at the sound of her mother's
voice.
"Oh, Dana, you're there. You'd better sit down. . ."
"Mom, you're scaring me. What happened? Are you alright?"
"Dana, I have some bad news. I don't know how to say this. Charlie and
Lauren were in an auto accident. They...they didn't make it. They died."
"What? Oh my God. . ." Dana was in shock.
Mulder watched all the color drain out of Scully's face. The tears began
to flow down her face, but she made no move to wipe them away. He could
not hear Mrs. Scully's end of the conversation, but he knew something
serious must have happened to make Scully cry. While his mind ran through
the myriad of possibilities, Scully slowly hung up the phone. The tears
had stopped, but she stood motionless in the middle of the room.
"Scully?" Mulder quietly called out.
At the sound of her name, Scully turned toward him, staring at him as if she were
surprised to see him sitting there. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words
wouldn't come.
"Oh Scully, what happened?" Mulder stood up and took a tentative step in her
direction. He held out his hand and she grasped it tightly. He gently pulled her
toward him until they were sitting side by side on her sofa.
"Mom called to tell me she had just found out some bad news," Scully stated in a
strangled, but detached voice. "My brother and his financee were on their way home
from the gym. Some 13-year-old kid joy-riding in his parent's Jag ran a stop sign
going 130 and hit them broadside. They died on impact as well as the kid."
Mulder was dumbstruck. This wasn't right. Scully couldn't have lost another sibling.
Life was so kind to some and so cruel to others. Charlie and Lauren were supposed to
be preparing for the happiest day of their life when it was suddenly taken from them
without warning. Scully remained silent and Mulder could tell she was trying to bury
her emotions. "What can I do?"
"You can't do anything!" Scully spat out. "My brother is dead. No one can do
anything. I can't...I can't think right now. I think you'd better go. I want to be
alone." She started to choke up, but once again she composed herself before any tears
fell. She got up from the couch and walked briskly back to the bedroom.
Mulder sat on her couch, stunned at her sudden anger, as he watched her quick retreat
out of the room. Not knowing what else to do, he got up and left for his own
apartment.
* * * * * *
Darling, I never showed up
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
And I miss the love we shared
* * * * * *
9:15 p.m.
Scully's bedroom
Scully heard the front door close shortly after she left the room. She slowly
surveyed her room, as if she had never seen it before. Her eye caught the group of
picture frames on her chest of drawers. So many memories captured on film, frozen in
time, their smiles haunting her as she picked them up individually. First, the
traditional family photo, taken before her father had died, before any of the kids had
gotten married. Melissa's smile dug into her soul, as she remembered that the bullet
was meant for her. The family picture in Scully's mind was becoming smaller and
smaller, as she subtracted first her father, then her sister, and now her younger
brother. Of course, Bill Jr. had done his part to try to increase the family numbers,
but Tara and Matthew could never replace those that had gone.
The next picture frame she clutched was a candid picture of her and Charlie wrestling
in the sand on the last family vacation to the beach. Charlie had decided to sneak up
on her while she slept under the beach umbrella. She woke up when she made her
splashdown in the waves. She had gotten him back the next day by filling his bathing
suit with sand. He had then attacked her in the sand. They had laughed about it and
called a truce. Her mother had given her the photo, when she had complained that she
didn't have any recent pictures of Charlie. Scully figured that this was how she
would always remember him: The annoying younger brother in their childhood, who grew
up to be one of the sweetest, but most childish guys she had ever known.
Suddenly, Scully couldn't stand to see the photos of her family looking so happy.
With one great sweep of her arm, she shoved the frames off her dresser. They fell to
the floor with a resounding crash. In an instant, the happy family was marred by
broken glass, much like real life. While trying to pick up the pieces, a sliver of
glass sliced her finger. Staring at the blood dripping down her finger, she began to
sob, leaning against the dresser for support.
When she couldn't cry anymore, she stood and surveyed the mess. Exhaustion swept over
Scully. Digging through the back of her closet, she found the stuffed frog Charlie
had won for her at the street fair on that same beach trip. Not bothering to change
clothes, she crawled into her unmade bed with the frog and drifted into a fitful
sleep.
* * * * * *
Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away, so far away
* * * * * *
4:20 a.m.
Scully woke up suddenly. She couldn't remember what she had been dreaming, but
whatever it had been, she was visibly still shaking. She reminded herself that
nightmares could be attributed to the stress she was under and were a part of the
grieving process.
The grieving process. She could write a book on the subject. How many times had she
been right here, grieving for the loss of another family member? If she were a
superstitious person, she might have said that the Scully family must have a curse on
them. What a Mulderesque response to the current situation! He must be rubbing off on
me more than I thought, she said to herself.
Now that she was wide-awake, Scully knew she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime
soon. Looking down at her rumpled clothes, she decided to take a drive, anything to
get out of her place. She picked up the frog that lay in her lap and wrinkled her
nose. It really was an ugly frog. She kissed it on the nose and paused briefly on
the off chance it might turn into a prince. When it remained a stuffed frog, Scully
sighed and tossed it on the bed. Grabbing her wallet and keys from the front table,
she walked to the door. As she opened it, she realized her car was still at Mulder's
apartment. Dropping her things to the floor, she slammed the door, not caring about
the echo that resounded in the early morning stillness.
"Damn it!" she screamed at no one in particular.
Picking up the phone, she started to dial her mother's number, but decided not to wake
her. She knew she needed to be strong and support the family, not worrying it.
Instead she dialed Mulder's number. Holding the cordless phone, she walked to the
couch and curled up on one side, as waited for him answer on the other end.
"Hello? Scully?" Mulder picked up the phone next to his bed.
"How did you know it was me?"
"Lucky guess. What's up?"
"Well, I had a nightmare that woke me up and I was going to take a drive, but I
realized my car was still at your place, so then I decided to call you, but I really
don't know why because it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm sure you were asleep. . ."
Scully babbled on and on in Mulder's ear.
"Scully!"
"What?"
"You're babbling. Look, just sit tight. I'm going to come and keep you company until
you get sleepy again. Give me twenty minutes."
"Oh, you don't have to do that, dammit, I knew it was a bad idea to call you, I didn't
mean to wake you, it's really no big deal, never mind."
"Scully, it's ok. I want to be with you. Just give me twenty minutes." Mulder
reiterated and hung up the phone.
True to his word, Mulder arrived twenty minutes later. He had been asleep as Scully
had said, but her voice had told him that he needed to go to her. He was angry with
himself for leaving her alone earlier that evening when she was so distraught. He
knew better--the last two days, not to mention the last six years, had taught him
that. He was glad that she had learned, too. She had taken the first step and called
him. She was admitting that she needed him.
Using his key, he entered her apartment. He found her sitting on the end of her
couch, holding the cordless phone in her hand, staring into space. Though the room
was dark, he could tell that she was still wearing the same clothes that she had been
wearing earlier that evening.
"You know, I never thought this could happen," Scully spoke, acknowledging Mulder's
presence, but not looking at him. Her voice was surprisingly even, although it was
pitched lower as if she had been crying for a long time. "The little brother
shouldn't die before the big sister. That's not the way it should work. I mean, he
was getting married--his life was just starting, not ending. It's just not
fair. . ." Her voice broke on the word "fair", halting her somber tirade.
Mulder moved to sit next to her. He removed the phone from her hands and returned it
to its cradle. He took one of her hands in both of his, rubbing the back of it with
his thumb. "You're right, it's not fair. I'm sorry I never go to meet Charlie. I'm
sure he was a great guy."
Scully looked up at him, with tears in her eyes. "He was, he really was." Hearing
herself speak of Charlie in the past tense drove the reality home. He little brother
was gone. "No! NO! This is not happening. This is all a bad dream--the worst kind
of nightmare. I want to wake up now--I can't take this anymore. I want my brother
back!"
"I know you do, honey, I know you do. Come here." Mulder opened his arms, and a
tentative, crying Scully filled them. As she sobbed, he felt his heart breaking. If
only he could take her pain away, he would do so in a heartbeat. He hated being so
helpless, while he watched her so full of anguish and sorrow.
He continued to hold her after the sobbing subsided. Her breathing became very even
and he thought she might have drifted off to sleep, until she spoke softly.
"I can't believe what a horrible sister I am. I've been morose and whiny the whole
time they were planning the wedding. I was so cold to him when he phoned on Monday to
tell me they were coming for the weekend. I begged out of so many family outings and
events these past few months. God, what I wouldn't give to be able to talk to him one
more time, just to tell him that I love him. I am such a bitch!"
"Scully, listen to me. You had no way of knowing this was going to happen. I'm sure
he understood and he knew you loved him. He was your brother and I know he loved you
no matter how you acted or what you said because that's how family is."
Scully looked up at him, her eyes wide and rimmed with mascara. "You think so?"
"Of course."
She gave him a tiny, watery smile and laid her head back on his shoulder. They slept
like that until morning.
* * * * * *
Never had I imagined living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
* * * * * *
Thursday
10:31 a.m.
Scully awoke slowly, slightly disoriented. She was lying on her couch with a quilt
wrapped around her. She tried to remember how she came to be in this position. She,
unlike Mulder, was not in the habit of sleeping on her couch. Suddenly, reality came
flooding back to her. Charlie was gone--her precious little brother was dead. Sleep
had not taken away her pain; it had only given her a slight respite. Mulder must have
left after I went to sleep, she thought. I guess I can't blame him. Sitting up,
Scully debated what to do next. She didn't feel like getting dressed, but she knew
she needed to go to her family.
Mulder returned from the kitchen, watching Scully stretch and sit up on the couch.
She remained motionless for a few moments before rising, presumably to shower and
prepare for the day. Her shoulders were slumped and her slightly downcast. He knew
the events of the day before were now beginning to sink in and she was experiencing a
new level of grief. He gave her a few moments of privacy before announcing his
presence.
"I made some coffee."
Scully turned to him. "Mulder! What are you doing here? I thought you left."
"I woke up about an hour ago. You were sleeping so soundly, I decided not to wake
you. I know you haven't slept well the past few nights. I would never abandon you,
unless you asked me to. Even then I would never be far away."
"Thank you. I really needed the sleep. Coffee sounds great."
Mulder retreated into the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee. Returning to the
living room with both steaming mugs, he sat on the sofa and handed her one. "How are
you doing this morning?"
Scully thought a moment before speaking. Her knee-jerk reaction was to say she was
fine, but that wasn't the truth. Mulder deserved to hear the truth. "Not so good.
It doesn't seem real. I can't believe he's really gone. My head knows he is, but my
heart doesn't want to accept it."
Mulder was surprised at her confession, but at the same time he knew that the events
of the past few days had broken down the walls between them. She had decided to be
honest with him and to trust him not only with her life, but her heart as well.
"Thanks for the coffee, Mulder. Well, I've been stalling long enough. No matter how
long I wait, it's not going to get any easier. There's so much I've got to get done.
Plane reservations, car rental, hotel, etc."
She began pacing the living room, making a mental checklist of the many chores that
needed to be accomplished before leaving on her somber journey. Mulder watched her
pace for a moment before getting off the couch and standing in front of her, blocking
her path so she could not pace any longer.
"Mulder, move. I need to get this stuff done."
"Scully, stop for a second. Your mom called this morning--"
"Why didn't you tell me?! I've got to call her--"
"Scully, listen. She told me not to wake you. The family is meeting tomorrow in LA
to discuss arrangements with Lauren's family. I booked you on an 8:30 a.m. flight out
of Dulles, which will get you into LAX around 11:23 a.m. local time. You have a
rental car reservation at Budget and you're staying with your mom at the Radisson.
Your mom was leaving this morning, but she said she'd called when she arrived. All
you have to do now is pack."
Scully stared up at Mulder in awe. She couldn't believe he had done all this for
her. "Mulder...I don't know what to say. You're amazing. Thank you. This means so
much to me. I guess I should go get ready and start packing. You'll hang around to
help me out?
"Of course."
* * * * * *
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
Together, one sweet day
* * * * * *
11:19 a.m.
"Mulder?"
"Yeah?" Mulder got up from the couch where he'd been relaxing and moved in the
direction of Scully's voice.
"I need your help." She paused, waiting for him to enter her bedroom. "I made a
little mess last night and I need some help cleaning it up."
Mulder strode across the room to where Scully had gestured. When he got there, he was
shocked at the sight. All of Scully's neatly framed family photos lay scattered
across the floor, glass shards everywhere. "Scully, what happened?"
"It's stupid. After you left, I came in here and looked at my photos of Charlie. I
thought it would make me feel a little better, but instead I felt horrible. I lashed
out at the pictures by shoving them off my bureau. I don't know why I thought ruining
my pictures would make the problem go away. It was really dumb and now I've got to
clean it all up. I tried to do it last night, but I cut myself on the glass."
Mulder stood silent for a moment, absorbing the information. He was worried because
he had never known Scully to become violent when upset, but it had happened twice this
week. Right now, though, he needed to support her. Kneeling carefully, so as not to
cut himself, he began to clean up the mess. Several minutes later, he came across a
picture of Scully with both her brothers in front of a river. He looked at it
thoughtfully. "I've never seen this one before. When was this taken?"
Scully looked up from what she was doing to see at what he was looking. She was glad
to hear him speak. He hadn't said a word since she had revealed the nature of the
mess in her bedroom. Hesitantly, she took the picture from his hands. The memories
from that trip came racing back. "Oh that was over New Year's, but I had only just
recently gotten it framed. I guess I'll have to do that again." She laughed,
ruefully. "It must have been an act of God or something, but Bill and Charlie both
had shore leave that weekend, so the family decided to meet halfway in Chicago. That
picture was taken on Navy Pier, which as it turns out, has nothing to do with the
Navy. Charlie was so disappointed. It was weird going on vacation with Mom and the
boys--it felt like I was a kid again. The only thing missing was Missy--that was
hard. No one mentioned it, but I know everyone was thinking about it. Especially
when we took that picture because every time we took a trip when we were kids, Mom
insisted we take a group shot of us kids. She promised that when we got older, we
would treasure them--and she was right. And now, Charlie's gone too." Scully sighed.
"I just wish I would have known that was the last time I was going to see him..."
Mulder listened intently to her story, relishing the tiny bits of family history that
came with it, but feeling the regret and pain in her voice. He loved to hear about
her family and her past, but he wished it didn't have to be like this. "Come here."
Scully leaned into him and felt his arms wrap around her. He was saying soothing
things to try to ease her mind, but didn't hear them. She was a million miles away,
silently reliving her favorite moments with her brother, knowing that there would be
no more. No matter how many times she tried, Scully could not file away her grief as
she had in the past. It scared her--she was used to being in control of her emotions.
This trip was sure to be a test of her character and she wasn't sure she was
prepared.
"Mulder."
"Hmmm?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being the one that I can be myself with. For being the one that I can call at
four in the morning because I don't want to be alone. Thank you for letting me work
through this without pressure or embarrassment. For taking care of me even when I
think I can go it alone. But most of all, thank you for loving me."
"Scully, I--"
"I know you never really said it, but I know you do. I love you too. I've let myself
get in the way too many times, but I realize now that life is fleeting. You never
know how long you have and I just want you to know how much you mean to me. If I had
my choice, I'd stay like this in your arms and never face the reality, but that's not
practical. I have to go to LA."
Scully looked up at him with misty eyes. Mulder kissed her chastely on the lips and
held her close. "You mean the world to me too. I don't think I can express to what I
feel, but when I look in your eyes, I know you know. That's all that matters. I'm
always here if you need me. Take as long as you need with your family in LA. I'll
take care of everything here. And when you get back, I'll be right here, waiting for
you."
Scully let a solitary tear run down her cheek as she snuggled into Mulder's embrace.
The pair were bathed in sunlight as they held each other, not sure what the future
might bring.
* * * * * *
The End.
Was it enough? Did you like it? I had contemplated continuing this series through
the episodes, starting with Milagro, but I think it finished up well here. For the
timeline of my world, "Milagro" takes place after Scully returns from her trip to Los
Angeles, but she has not quite come to terms with her brother's death. The crying
scene at the end is her cleansing of those feelings and her acceptance that Charlie is
no longer among the living.
Ok, I need feedback, so let me have it: sexyphile@hotmail.com
Author: Sexy Phile
E-mail: sexyphile@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Beyond the Sea, The Blessing Way/Paper Clip
Keywords: ScullyAngst, MSR
Disclaimer: The X-Files and any character you recognized from the show do
not belong to me. I am only borrowing them, but I will be making no money
from this. My payment is purely feedback. The song "One Sweet Day"
belongs to Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men.
Summary: Scully deals with the aftermath of her mother's urgent phone call.
Author's Notes: This story has changed many times, but I think I finally
found the right combination. This piece has been a labor of love for me.
The actions of Mulder and Scully may not be true to character, but they are
my tools for recovery. I've taken to using fanfic as a way for me to work
through my own traumas. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, but
please no flames because this is my soul in words. This is dedicated to
anyone experienced these events.
* * * * * *
Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord, I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen when I pray
* * * * * *
Wednesday
9:03 p.m.
Scully's Apartment
"Dana," Margaret Scully's voice filled the air, sounding as if she'd been
crying. "Please pick up if you're there. I need to talk to you. . ."
"What's wrong, Mom?" Scully had gotten up at the sound of her mother's
voice.
"Oh, Dana, you're there. You'd better sit down. . ."
"Mom, you're scaring me. What happened? Are you alright?"
"Dana, I have some bad news. I don't know how to say this. Charlie and
Lauren were in an auto accident. They...they didn't make it. They died."
"What? Oh my God. . ." Dana was in shock.
Mulder watched all the color drain out of Scully's face. The tears began
to flow down her face, but she made no move to wipe them away. He could
not hear Mrs. Scully's end of the conversation, but he knew something
serious must have happened to make Scully cry. While his mind ran through
the myriad of possibilities, Scully slowly hung up the phone. The tears
had stopped, but she stood motionless in the middle of the room.
"Scully?" Mulder quietly called out.
At the sound of her name, Scully turned toward him, staring at him as if she were
surprised to see him sitting there. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words
wouldn't come.
"Oh Scully, what happened?" Mulder stood up and took a tentative step in her
direction. He held out his hand and she grasped it tightly. He gently pulled her
toward him until they were sitting side by side on her sofa.
"Mom called to tell me she had just found out some bad news," Scully stated in a
strangled, but detached voice. "My brother and his financee were on their way home
from the gym. Some 13-year-old kid joy-riding in his parent's Jag ran a stop sign
going 130 and hit them broadside. They died on impact as well as the kid."
Mulder was dumbstruck. This wasn't right. Scully couldn't have lost another sibling.
Life was so kind to some and so cruel to others. Charlie and Lauren were supposed to
be preparing for the happiest day of their life when it was suddenly taken from them
without warning. Scully remained silent and Mulder could tell she was trying to bury
her emotions. "What can I do?"
"You can't do anything!" Scully spat out. "My brother is dead. No one can do
anything. I can't...I can't think right now. I think you'd better go. I want to be
alone." She started to choke up, but once again she composed herself before any tears
fell. She got up from the couch and walked briskly back to the bedroom.
Mulder sat on her couch, stunned at her sudden anger, as he watched her quick retreat
out of the room. Not knowing what else to do, he got up and left for his own
apartment.
* * * * * *
Darling, I never showed up
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
And I miss the love we shared
* * * * * *
9:15 p.m.
Scully's bedroom
Scully heard the front door close shortly after she left the room. She slowly
surveyed her room, as if she had never seen it before. Her eye caught the group of
picture frames on her chest of drawers. So many memories captured on film, frozen in
time, their smiles haunting her as she picked them up individually. First, the
traditional family photo, taken before her father had died, before any of the kids had
gotten married. Melissa's smile dug into her soul, as she remembered that the bullet
was meant for her. The family picture in Scully's mind was becoming smaller and
smaller, as she subtracted first her father, then her sister, and now her younger
brother. Of course, Bill Jr. had done his part to try to increase the family numbers,
but Tara and Matthew could never replace those that had gone.
The next picture frame she clutched was a candid picture of her and Charlie wrestling
in the sand on the last family vacation to the beach. Charlie had decided to sneak up
on her while she slept under the beach umbrella. She woke up when she made her
splashdown in the waves. She had gotten him back the next day by filling his bathing
suit with sand. He had then attacked her in the sand. They had laughed about it and
called a truce. Her mother had given her the photo, when she had complained that she
didn't have any recent pictures of Charlie. Scully figured that this was how she
would always remember him: The annoying younger brother in their childhood, who grew
up to be one of the sweetest, but most childish guys she had ever known.
Suddenly, Scully couldn't stand to see the photos of her family looking so happy.
With one great sweep of her arm, she shoved the frames off her dresser. They fell to
the floor with a resounding crash. In an instant, the happy family was marred by
broken glass, much like real life. While trying to pick up the pieces, a sliver of
glass sliced her finger. Staring at the blood dripping down her finger, she began to
sob, leaning against the dresser for support.
When she couldn't cry anymore, she stood and surveyed the mess. Exhaustion swept over
Scully. Digging through the back of her closet, she found the stuffed frog Charlie
had won for her at the street fair on that same beach trip. Not bothering to change
clothes, she crawled into her unmade bed with the frog and drifted into a fitful
sleep.
* * * * * *
Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away, so far away
* * * * * *
4:20 a.m.
Scully woke up suddenly. She couldn't remember what she had been dreaming, but
whatever it had been, she was visibly still shaking. She reminded herself that
nightmares could be attributed to the stress she was under and were a part of the
grieving process.
The grieving process. She could write a book on the subject. How many times had she
been right here, grieving for the loss of another family member? If she were a
superstitious person, she might have said that the Scully family must have a curse on
them. What a Mulderesque response to the current situation! He must be rubbing off on
me more than I thought, she said to herself.
Now that she was wide-awake, Scully knew she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime
soon. Looking down at her rumpled clothes, she decided to take a drive, anything to
get out of her place. She picked up the frog that lay in her lap and wrinkled her
nose. It really was an ugly frog. She kissed it on the nose and paused briefly on
the off chance it might turn into a prince. When it remained a stuffed frog, Scully
sighed and tossed it on the bed. Grabbing her wallet and keys from the front table,
she walked to the door. As she opened it, she realized her car was still at Mulder's
apartment. Dropping her things to the floor, she slammed the door, not caring about
the echo that resounded in the early morning stillness.
"Damn it!" she screamed at no one in particular.
Picking up the phone, she started to dial her mother's number, but decided not to wake
her. She knew she needed to be strong and support the family, not worrying it.
Instead she dialed Mulder's number. Holding the cordless phone, she walked to the
couch and curled up on one side, as waited for him answer on the other end.
"Hello? Scully?" Mulder picked up the phone next to his bed.
"How did you know it was me?"
"Lucky guess. What's up?"
"Well, I had a nightmare that woke me up and I was going to take a drive, but I
realized my car was still at your place, so then I decided to call you, but I really
don't know why because it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm sure you were asleep. . ."
Scully babbled on and on in Mulder's ear.
"Scully!"
"What?"
"You're babbling. Look, just sit tight. I'm going to come and keep you company until
you get sleepy again. Give me twenty minutes."
"Oh, you don't have to do that, dammit, I knew it was a bad idea to call you, I didn't
mean to wake you, it's really no big deal, never mind."
"Scully, it's ok. I want to be with you. Just give me twenty minutes." Mulder
reiterated and hung up the phone.
True to his word, Mulder arrived twenty minutes later. He had been asleep as Scully
had said, but her voice had told him that he needed to go to her. He was angry with
himself for leaving her alone earlier that evening when she was so distraught. He
knew better--the last two days, not to mention the last six years, had taught him
that. He was glad that she had learned, too. She had taken the first step and called
him. She was admitting that she needed him.
Using his key, he entered her apartment. He found her sitting on the end of her
couch, holding the cordless phone in her hand, staring into space. Though the room
was dark, he could tell that she was still wearing the same clothes that she had been
wearing earlier that evening.
"You know, I never thought this could happen," Scully spoke, acknowledging Mulder's
presence, but not looking at him. Her voice was surprisingly even, although it was
pitched lower as if she had been crying for a long time. "The little brother
shouldn't die before the big sister. That's not the way it should work. I mean, he
was getting married--his life was just starting, not ending. It's just not
fair. . ." Her voice broke on the word "fair", halting her somber tirade.
Mulder moved to sit next to her. He removed the phone from her hands and returned it
to its cradle. He took one of her hands in both of his, rubbing the back of it with
his thumb. "You're right, it's not fair. I'm sorry I never go to meet Charlie. I'm
sure he was a great guy."
Scully looked up at him, with tears in her eyes. "He was, he really was." Hearing
herself speak of Charlie in the past tense drove the reality home. He little brother
was gone. "No! NO! This is not happening. This is all a bad dream--the worst kind
of nightmare. I want to wake up now--I can't take this anymore. I want my brother
back!"
"I know you do, honey, I know you do. Come here." Mulder opened his arms, and a
tentative, crying Scully filled them. As she sobbed, he felt his heart breaking. If
only he could take her pain away, he would do so in a heartbeat. He hated being so
helpless, while he watched her so full of anguish and sorrow.
He continued to hold her after the sobbing subsided. Her breathing became very even
and he thought she might have drifted off to sleep, until she spoke softly.
"I can't believe what a horrible sister I am. I've been morose and whiny the whole
time they were planning the wedding. I was so cold to him when he phoned on Monday to
tell me they were coming for the weekend. I begged out of so many family outings and
events these past few months. God, what I wouldn't give to be able to talk to him one
more time, just to tell him that I love him. I am such a bitch!"
"Scully, listen to me. You had no way of knowing this was going to happen. I'm sure
he understood and he knew you loved him. He was your brother and I know he loved you
no matter how you acted or what you said because that's how family is."
Scully looked up at him, her eyes wide and rimmed with mascara. "You think so?"
"Of course."
She gave him a tiny, watery smile and laid her head back on his shoulder. They slept
like that until morning.
* * * * * *
Never had I imagined living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
* * * * * *
Thursday
10:31 a.m.
Scully awoke slowly, slightly disoriented. She was lying on her couch with a quilt
wrapped around her. She tried to remember how she came to be in this position. She,
unlike Mulder, was not in the habit of sleeping on her couch. Suddenly, reality came
flooding back to her. Charlie was gone--her precious little brother was dead. Sleep
had not taken away her pain; it had only given her a slight respite. Mulder must have
left after I went to sleep, she thought. I guess I can't blame him. Sitting up,
Scully debated what to do next. She didn't feel like getting dressed, but she knew
she needed to go to her family.
Mulder returned from the kitchen, watching Scully stretch and sit up on the couch.
She remained motionless for a few moments before rising, presumably to shower and
prepare for the day. Her shoulders were slumped and her slightly downcast. He knew
the events of the day before were now beginning to sink in and she was experiencing a
new level of grief. He gave her a few moments of privacy before announcing his
presence.
"I made some coffee."
Scully turned to him. "Mulder! What are you doing here? I thought you left."
"I woke up about an hour ago. You were sleeping so soundly, I decided not to wake
you. I know you haven't slept well the past few nights. I would never abandon you,
unless you asked me to. Even then I would never be far away."
"Thank you. I really needed the sleep. Coffee sounds great."
Mulder retreated into the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee. Returning to the
living room with both steaming mugs, he sat on the sofa and handed her one. "How are
you doing this morning?"
Scully thought a moment before speaking. Her knee-jerk reaction was to say she was
fine, but that wasn't the truth. Mulder deserved to hear the truth. "Not so good.
It doesn't seem real. I can't believe he's really gone. My head knows he is, but my
heart doesn't want to accept it."
Mulder was surprised at her confession, but at the same time he knew that the events
of the past few days had broken down the walls between them. She had decided to be
honest with him and to trust him not only with her life, but her heart as well.
"Thanks for the coffee, Mulder. Well, I've been stalling long enough. No matter how
long I wait, it's not going to get any easier. There's so much I've got to get done.
Plane reservations, car rental, hotel, etc."
She began pacing the living room, making a mental checklist of the many chores that
needed to be accomplished before leaving on her somber journey. Mulder watched her
pace for a moment before getting off the couch and standing in front of her, blocking
her path so she could not pace any longer.
"Mulder, move. I need to get this stuff done."
"Scully, stop for a second. Your mom called this morning--"
"Why didn't you tell me?! I've got to call her--"
"Scully, listen. She told me not to wake you. The family is meeting tomorrow in LA
to discuss arrangements with Lauren's family. I booked you on an 8:30 a.m. flight out
of Dulles, which will get you into LAX around 11:23 a.m. local time. You have a
rental car reservation at Budget and you're staying with your mom at the Radisson.
Your mom was leaving this morning, but she said she'd called when she arrived. All
you have to do now is pack."
Scully stared up at Mulder in awe. She couldn't believe he had done all this for
her. "Mulder...I don't know what to say. You're amazing. Thank you. This means so
much to me. I guess I should go get ready and start packing. You'll hang around to
help me out?
"Of course."
* * * * * *
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
Together, one sweet day
* * * * * *
11:19 a.m.
"Mulder?"
"Yeah?" Mulder got up from the couch where he'd been relaxing and moved in the
direction of Scully's voice.
"I need your help." She paused, waiting for him to enter her bedroom. "I made a
little mess last night and I need some help cleaning it up."
Mulder strode across the room to where Scully had gestured. When he got there, he was
shocked at the sight. All of Scully's neatly framed family photos lay scattered
across the floor, glass shards everywhere. "Scully, what happened?"
"It's stupid. After you left, I came in here and looked at my photos of Charlie. I
thought it would make me feel a little better, but instead I felt horrible. I lashed
out at the pictures by shoving them off my bureau. I don't know why I thought ruining
my pictures would make the problem go away. It was really dumb and now I've got to
clean it all up. I tried to do it last night, but I cut myself on the glass."
Mulder stood silent for a moment, absorbing the information. He was worried because
he had never known Scully to become violent when upset, but it had happened twice this
week. Right now, though, he needed to support her. Kneeling carefully, so as not to
cut himself, he began to clean up the mess. Several minutes later, he came across a
picture of Scully with both her brothers in front of a river. He looked at it
thoughtfully. "I've never seen this one before. When was this taken?"
Scully looked up from what she was doing to see at what he was looking. She was glad
to hear him speak. He hadn't said a word since she had revealed the nature of the
mess in her bedroom. Hesitantly, she took the picture from his hands. The memories
from that trip came racing back. "Oh that was over New Year's, but I had only just
recently gotten it framed. I guess I'll have to do that again." She laughed,
ruefully. "It must have been an act of God or something, but Bill and Charlie both
had shore leave that weekend, so the family decided to meet halfway in Chicago. That
picture was taken on Navy Pier, which as it turns out, has nothing to do with the
Navy. Charlie was so disappointed. It was weird going on vacation with Mom and the
boys--it felt like I was a kid again. The only thing missing was Missy--that was
hard. No one mentioned it, but I know everyone was thinking about it. Especially
when we took that picture because every time we took a trip when we were kids, Mom
insisted we take a group shot of us kids. She promised that when we got older, we
would treasure them--and she was right. And now, Charlie's gone too." Scully sighed.
"I just wish I would have known that was the last time I was going to see him..."
Mulder listened intently to her story, relishing the tiny bits of family history that
came with it, but feeling the regret and pain in her voice. He loved to hear about
her family and her past, but he wished it didn't have to be like this. "Come here."
Scully leaned into him and felt his arms wrap around her. He was saying soothing
things to try to ease her mind, but didn't hear them. She was a million miles away,
silently reliving her favorite moments with her brother, knowing that there would be
no more. No matter how many times she tried, Scully could not file away her grief as
she had in the past. It scared her--she was used to being in control of her emotions.
This trip was sure to be a test of her character and she wasn't sure she was
prepared.
"Mulder."
"Hmmm?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being the one that I can be myself with. For being the one that I can call at
four in the morning because I don't want to be alone. Thank you for letting me work
through this without pressure or embarrassment. For taking care of me even when I
think I can go it alone. But most of all, thank you for loving me."
"Scully, I--"
"I know you never really said it, but I know you do. I love you too. I've let myself
get in the way too many times, but I realize now that life is fleeting. You never
know how long you have and I just want you to know how much you mean to me. If I had
my choice, I'd stay like this in your arms and never face the reality, but that's not
practical. I have to go to LA."
Scully looked up at him with misty eyes. Mulder kissed her chastely on the lips and
held her close. "You mean the world to me too. I don't think I can express to what I
feel, but when I look in your eyes, I know you know. That's all that matters. I'm
always here if you need me. Take as long as you need with your family in LA. I'll
take care of everything here. And when you get back, I'll be right here, waiting for
you."
Scully let a solitary tear run down her cheek as she snuggled into Mulder's embrace.
The pair were bathed in sunlight as they held each other, not sure what the future
might bring.
* * * * * *
The End.
Was it enough? Did you like it? I had contemplated continuing this series through
the episodes, starting with Milagro, but I think it finished up well here. For the
timeline of my world, "Milagro" takes place after Scully returns from her trip to Los
Angeles, but she has not quite come to terms with her brother's death. The crying
scene at the end is her cleansing of those feelings and her acceptance that Charlie is
no longer among the living.
Ok, I need feedback, so let me have it: sexyphile@hotmail.com