Title: Parallels IV - London Rain
Author: SexyPhile
E-Mail: sexyphile@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: none
Keywords: ScullyAngst, implied MSR
Disclaimer: The X-Files and any character you recognized from the
show do not belong to me. I am only borrowing them, but I will be
making no money from this. My payment is purely feedback. The song
"London Rain" belongs to Heather Nova and can be found on the
"Dawson's Creek" soundtrack or her CD "Siren".
Summary: Scully comes home to Mulder a changed woman.
Author's Notes: Although I thought "One Sweet Day" would be the end
of this little series, it is not. An event occured on November 14,
1999 that changed me and because of that, I felt that I needed to
write this chapter. I hope it lives up to the other three parts.
Again, this is for my own healing, but also hopefully your reading
enjoyment. Dedicated, with love, to Andy McCoy, who will live on in
my heart forever.
* * * * * * *
I'm coming, I'm coming home to you
I'm alive, I'm a mess
I can't wait to home to you
To get warm, warm and undressed
There've been changes beyond my dreams
Things I'm sinking in
* * * * * * *
"Welcome to Dullus International Airport. Local time is 9:17pm.
Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until the captain
turns off the Fasten Seatbelt sign. On behalf of the flight crew, I
would like to thank you for flying United. We know you have a choice
in air travel and we're glad you chose to fly the friendly skies."
Scully sighed as she listened to the flight attendant's message. She
had heard it so many times, she was sure she could give it by memory.
It had been a very long trip. There had been at least three
screaming children that had not fallen asleep until thirty minutes
before landing. Once the flight attendant's message had begun, they
woke up one by one, each adding their unique cry to the mix.
When the attendant was done, Scully smiled to herself, as she
listened to the clicking of seat buckles, as the crowd passengers
blatently ignoring the message and hurried to gather their
belongings. Scully slowly unbuckled her seatbelt, but made no move
to get up. She was in no hurry to return to her apartment. It was
cold, empty and fully of reminders that now there were only two
Scully siblings left. She knew she could call Mulder and he would
be at her place in minutes, but she didn't want to lean on him too
heavily. She was a big girl -- she could take care of herself. She
sat in her seat lost in thought until one of the flight attendants
approached her and remindered her that she was the last passenger
left on the plane.
The flight attendant then quickly moved to the back of the aircraft
to continue her post-flight duties. Scully stood and stretched
since she had not gotten up during the entire six-hour flight from
LA. To retrieve her bag from the overhead compartment, she had to
climb onto the seat and perch percariously on the armrest, all the
while opening the bin. Somehow, she managed to procure her small
rolling suitcase without falling. Grabbing her coat from the seat,
she proceed out of the airplane and down the jetway into the
terminal.
"You always have to make an entrance, don't you?"
Scully's unfocused gaze moved slowly to the lonely form sitting in
the chairs to the left of the gate entrance. Mulder was slouched
in the hard plastic chair, letting his feet rest on the seat across
from him. He wore a lopsided smile as he got up from his position
and walked over to where she was standing, open-mouthed. "I'm
guessing you didn't expect to find me here."
"How did you know what flight I was on?"
"Your mom called. She's worried about you, you know? She wanted to
make sure you were taken care of. And before you say, you can take
care of yourself, I know that. But hey, I can't say no to your mom.
So here I am."
Scully absorbed this information silently. That was just like her
mother. She knew her mom was worried about her, but she was glad
that her mom let her leave LA to come here. She needed to come
home, to be immersed in her life, in Mulder. Somehow, her mother
knew that too.
"So, let's go get your bag. I'm assuming you did check that big bag
and didn't leave it in the hotel right?"
"Yeah. I wasn't paying attention to what baggage claim my flight's
at though."
"Well, the advantage of coming in this late on a Sunday is that
there aren't that many flights to choose from. I'm sure we can find
it without too much hassle. After all, we are Feds -- that should be
good for something, shouldn't it?"
She smiled at him. It was a small smile, but it made it all the way
to her eyes, where it really counted. He could tell that although
she would never admit it, she was glad he came. He knew she wasn't
looking forward to going back to her apartment alone. She needed
him whether she would say it aloud or not. Draping his arm around
her, they walked toward the people movers to return to the main
terminal to retrieve her large bag. Once on board, Mulder took a
good look at his Scully. She was pale with dark rings under her
eyes. She hadn't bothered with make-up this morning, making her
slight imperfections noticeable, if only to him. He knew where to
look.
Scully turned her head slightly to look at him and caught his gaze.
She knew he was sizing her up, checking to see how she was doing. It
unnerved her that he could do that, but it was slightly comforting to
know that he didn't expect anything of her. He didn't know what she
had been through, but he wasn't pushing her for details. They would
spill out as time progressed. Now it was a waiting game. And he had
all the time in the world to wait.
* * * * * * *
And when somebody knows you well
Well there's no comfort like that
And when somebody needs you
Well there's no drug like that
* * * * * * *
Mulder loaded her bags into the trunk of his car, while Scully got in
the passenger side. It was time, she thought. She needed to talk
about it. The forty minute drive to her apartment would be the
perfect opportunity.
Mulder got in the car and could almost feel the change in the
atmosphere. Scully was staring straight ahead when he opened the
door, but as he sat down and started the engine, she turned to him
with a look that he had never seen before. This was it. She was
going to tell him what happened while she was away.
"I knew it was going to be hard, you know? We had talked about it
and I knew no matter what either of us said, I was never going to be
prepared to bury my little brother. And as right as I was about
that, I was so wrong too." She paused, but Mulder said nothing.
She was collecting her thoughts so as not to lose her composure. She
had cried enough; she wouldn't cry here.
"I met Lauren's parents for the first time on Thursday. She was an
only child. They were devastated, but somehow they managed to host
my family and comfort us through it all. It was amazing. Since
Charlie had converted to Methodism for Lauren, it was immediately
decided that Lauren's home church, St. Christopher's, be the site of
the memorial service. Except it was called a celebration of life.
I've been to my share of Catholic funerals, but this was something I
had never experienced. I laughed through it, well until the end."
Scully's face had turned away from Mulder's and was staring out of
the windshield at the raindrops as the fell on the glass again. Her
voice had a quality to it that Mulder couldn't decipher. It was the
gravelly tone she used when she was trying to keep her emotions in
check, but added to it was something that he could only describe as
wonder. She was speaking without checking herself, simply from her
heart, something so rare and he treasured every word.
"The priest, Rev. Ken Smith, was the one who was going to marry
Lauren and Charlie. He had been the preacher since Lauren was a
little girl. There were so many funny stories that he told about her
growing up as well as some stories of Charlie's younger years,
supplied by mom. Then he started talking about Charlie and Lauren as
a couple and how he had loved watching them together. He said that
he didn't use the phrase "meant to be" much, but in this case it
applied. Now that they were gone, he thought it was still true, but
in a way that no one had thought. They were meant to be together in
life and in death." Scully halted here, her voice catching on the
word death, but then she plunged on.
"Most of the stories he told, I had never heard before, which made me
realize how self-absorbed I had become. Mom, Bill and Tara smiled
and nodded, apparently with similar memories of those stories, where
I had none. I kept asking myself why it was that I could only
really hear him when he was no longer here. I tuned out for a
moment, reflecting on that thought, until the priest said something
that I never could have expected. He said that in all his meetings
with Charlie and Lauren about the specifics of their wedding, the one
thing that Charlie was looking forward to most was having his sister
there to see him." Choking out these words, Scully stopped her
monologue as the tears began to fall slowly down her cheeks. It was
out now. It was confirmed. She had said it outloud, which when the
sound reached her ears, tore her heart to bits. Hearing herself say
it was almost worst than the first time she had heard it.
Her hands covered her face to muffle the sobs that wracked her body.
She knew Mulder could hear her crying, but she couldn't look at him.
Mulder watched her struggle for control and placed his hand on her
thigh. He didn't speak; he just let her cry. After a few minutes,
she dropped her hands from her face, but stared out the window,
avoiding any looks he might have been giving her. He took her hand
and held it. She gasped slightly at the contact, but continued to
stare out the window. Once she had slowed her breathing to a normal
pace, she used her free hand to wipe the remnents of her tears away.
They rode in silence for the next few minutes, their hands still
joined on Scully's lap. Mulder broke the silence first.
"Scully, you know it wasn't your fault. You had no way of knowing
that this was going to happen. You were going to be there for him on
his wedding day, just like he wanted."
"But, you see, that's just it. Even though I was going along with
all the preparations, I was going to fake an excuse to get out of it.
I didn't want to be surrounded by all the wedded bliss. Hopefully we
would have been on a case so it wouldn't have been a complete lie.
That way Charlie wouldn't hate me so much. He would understand if it
was work-related." Scully's voice was full of self-contempt and had
a twinge of bitter mocking to it.
"Oh Scully." Mulder breathed in disbelief. What a burden she was
carrying. Mulder couldn't think of anything to respond to that. He
was speechless. He wanted to hold her, but driving made that an
impossibility. He squeezed her hand, trying to force as much of his
strength into her as he could through their joined hands.
"I was so full of guilt and grief that I could barely walk out of the
sanctuary. I sat in the tiny chapel in the back of the church while
the rest of the family made a receiving line to greet everyone who
came. I sat there for a long time, not knowing what to do with
myself. I wanted to talk to Charlie, to tell him how sorry I was,
how much I loved him.
"The door opened and I figured it was mom coming to get me to join
the receiving line. But it wasn't. It was Lauren's mom, Barbara.
She sat next to me without saying a word. Something about her made
me want to tell her what was wrong. I just started talking. She sat
there and listened to me and my horrible tale of guilt. Then she
hugged me. She told me that she had heard a lot about me from
Charlie, and that she knew that he knew I loved him. He was in a
better place now and he would watch over me just like I had done for
him for all those years. If I wanted to talk to him, all I had to do
was pray and he would speak to me.
"That astounded me. She had such faith even though she had just
walked out of her daughter's funeral. She told me that Charlie would
be closer to me than he ever had before because now he lived in my
heart. She hugged me again and then left the chapel to allow me to
reflect in private. Then I did something I hadn't done in a very
long time. I prayed. I don't know whether he heard me or not, but I
poured my soul out to Charlie in that dark, small chapel. When I
finished, I felt calm and at peace. I can't describe it, but that's
when I knew that Barbara was right. I'll never lose Charlie--he's in
my heart."
Mulder listened in awe to Scully's naked confession. This was not
the same woman who had left him three days ago. She was comfortable
with him and had just spoken her soul's contents to him as if it was
tomorrow's weather forcast. He wasn't sure how to respond to this
change and what other things might have changed during her journey of
grief and reflection. Scully could feel Mulder's hesitance and
bewilderment. She squeezed Mulder's hand as they pulled up in front
of her building. "It's good to be home."
They walked up the stairs and to her apartment in silence. After
fumbling with her keys, she unlocked the door and Mulder followed her
in. He dropped her bag near the door, unsure of what to do next.
Scully could sense his indecision. She walked over to where he
stood and held his hand. "Thank you for coming to pick me up. I'm
glad I have you to take care of me."
"You're welcome." His eyes asked hers a question. Hers answered
while she spoke.
"Um, could you spend the night? I really don't want to be alone."
"Anything for you."
And they slept, content in their love.
* * * * * * *
And where I'm home, curled in your arms
And I'm safe again
I'll close my eyes and sleep, sleep
To the sound of London Rain
* * * * * * *
The End.
So, was it worth it? As good as the others? Please let me know.
Feedback makes it all worthwhile: sexyphile@hotmail.com
Author: SexyPhile
E-Mail: sexyphile@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: none
Keywords: ScullyAngst, implied MSR
Disclaimer: The X-Files and any character you recognized from the
show do not belong to me. I am only borrowing them, but I will be
making no money from this. My payment is purely feedback. The song
"London Rain" belongs to Heather Nova and can be found on the
"Dawson's Creek" soundtrack or her CD "Siren".
Summary: Scully comes home to Mulder a changed woman.
Author's Notes: Although I thought "One Sweet Day" would be the end
of this little series, it is not. An event occured on November 14,
1999 that changed me and because of that, I felt that I needed to
write this chapter. I hope it lives up to the other three parts.
Again, this is for my own healing, but also hopefully your reading
enjoyment. Dedicated, with love, to Andy McCoy, who will live on in
my heart forever.
* * * * * * *
I'm coming, I'm coming home to you
I'm alive, I'm a mess
I can't wait to home to you
To get warm, warm and undressed
There've been changes beyond my dreams
Things I'm sinking in
* * * * * * *
"Welcome to Dullus International Airport. Local time is 9:17pm.
Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until the captain
turns off the Fasten Seatbelt sign. On behalf of the flight crew, I
would like to thank you for flying United. We know you have a choice
in air travel and we're glad you chose to fly the friendly skies."
Scully sighed as she listened to the flight attendant's message. She
had heard it so many times, she was sure she could give it by memory.
It had been a very long trip. There had been at least three
screaming children that had not fallen asleep until thirty minutes
before landing. Once the flight attendant's message had begun, they
woke up one by one, each adding their unique cry to the mix.
When the attendant was done, Scully smiled to herself, as she
listened to the clicking of seat buckles, as the crowd passengers
blatently ignoring the message and hurried to gather their
belongings. Scully slowly unbuckled her seatbelt, but made no move
to get up. She was in no hurry to return to her apartment. It was
cold, empty and fully of reminders that now there were only two
Scully siblings left. She knew she could call Mulder and he would
be at her place in minutes, but she didn't want to lean on him too
heavily. She was a big girl -- she could take care of herself. She
sat in her seat lost in thought until one of the flight attendants
approached her and remindered her that she was the last passenger
left on the plane.
The flight attendant then quickly moved to the back of the aircraft
to continue her post-flight duties. Scully stood and stretched
since she had not gotten up during the entire six-hour flight from
LA. To retrieve her bag from the overhead compartment, she had to
climb onto the seat and perch percariously on the armrest, all the
while opening the bin. Somehow, she managed to procure her small
rolling suitcase without falling. Grabbing her coat from the seat,
she proceed out of the airplane and down the jetway into the
terminal.
"You always have to make an entrance, don't you?"
Scully's unfocused gaze moved slowly to the lonely form sitting in
the chairs to the left of the gate entrance. Mulder was slouched
in the hard plastic chair, letting his feet rest on the seat across
from him. He wore a lopsided smile as he got up from his position
and walked over to where she was standing, open-mouthed. "I'm
guessing you didn't expect to find me here."
"How did you know what flight I was on?"
"Your mom called. She's worried about you, you know? She wanted to
make sure you were taken care of. And before you say, you can take
care of yourself, I know that. But hey, I can't say no to your mom.
So here I am."
Scully absorbed this information silently. That was just like her
mother. She knew her mom was worried about her, but she was glad
that her mom let her leave LA to come here. She needed to come
home, to be immersed in her life, in Mulder. Somehow, her mother
knew that too.
"So, let's go get your bag. I'm assuming you did check that big bag
and didn't leave it in the hotel right?"
"Yeah. I wasn't paying attention to what baggage claim my flight's
at though."
"Well, the advantage of coming in this late on a Sunday is that
there aren't that many flights to choose from. I'm sure we can find
it without too much hassle. After all, we are Feds -- that should be
good for something, shouldn't it?"
She smiled at him. It was a small smile, but it made it all the way
to her eyes, where it really counted. He could tell that although
she would never admit it, she was glad he came. He knew she wasn't
looking forward to going back to her apartment alone. She needed
him whether she would say it aloud or not. Draping his arm around
her, they walked toward the people movers to return to the main
terminal to retrieve her large bag. Once on board, Mulder took a
good look at his Scully. She was pale with dark rings under her
eyes. She hadn't bothered with make-up this morning, making her
slight imperfections noticeable, if only to him. He knew where to
look.
Scully turned her head slightly to look at him and caught his gaze.
She knew he was sizing her up, checking to see how she was doing. It
unnerved her that he could do that, but it was slightly comforting to
know that he didn't expect anything of her. He didn't know what she
had been through, but he wasn't pushing her for details. They would
spill out as time progressed. Now it was a waiting game. And he had
all the time in the world to wait.
* * * * * * *
And when somebody knows you well
Well there's no comfort like that
And when somebody needs you
Well there's no drug like that
* * * * * * *
Mulder loaded her bags into the trunk of his car, while Scully got in
the passenger side. It was time, she thought. She needed to talk
about it. The forty minute drive to her apartment would be the
perfect opportunity.
Mulder got in the car and could almost feel the change in the
atmosphere. Scully was staring straight ahead when he opened the
door, but as he sat down and started the engine, she turned to him
with a look that he had never seen before. This was it. She was
going to tell him what happened while she was away.
"I knew it was going to be hard, you know? We had talked about it
and I knew no matter what either of us said, I was never going to be
prepared to bury my little brother. And as right as I was about
that, I was so wrong too." She paused, but Mulder said nothing.
She was collecting her thoughts so as not to lose her composure. She
had cried enough; she wouldn't cry here.
"I met Lauren's parents for the first time on Thursday. She was an
only child. They were devastated, but somehow they managed to host
my family and comfort us through it all. It was amazing. Since
Charlie had converted to Methodism for Lauren, it was immediately
decided that Lauren's home church, St. Christopher's, be the site of
the memorial service. Except it was called a celebration of life.
I've been to my share of Catholic funerals, but this was something I
had never experienced. I laughed through it, well until the end."
Scully's face had turned away from Mulder's and was staring out of
the windshield at the raindrops as the fell on the glass again. Her
voice had a quality to it that Mulder couldn't decipher. It was the
gravelly tone she used when she was trying to keep her emotions in
check, but added to it was something that he could only describe as
wonder. She was speaking without checking herself, simply from her
heart, something so rare and he treasured every word.
"The priest, Rev. Ken Smith, was the one who was going to marry
Lauren and Charlie. He had been the preacher since Lauren was a
little girl. There were so many funny stories that he told about her
growing up as well as some stories of Charlie's younger years,
supplied by mom. Then he started talking about Charlie and Lauren as
a couple and how he had loved watching them together. He said that
he didn't use the phrase "meant to be" much, but in this case it
applied. Now that they were gone, he thought it was still true, but
in a way that no one had thought. They were meant to be together in
life and in death." Scully halted here, her voice catching on the
word death, but then she plunged on.
"Most of the stories he told, I had never heard before, which made me
realize how self-absorbed I had become. Mom, Bill and Tara smiled
and nodded, apparently with similar memories of those stories, where
I had none. I kept asking myself why it was that I could only
really hear him when he was no longer here. I tuned out for a
moment, reflecting on that thought, until the priest said something
that I never could have expected. He said that in all his meetings
with Charlie and Lauren about the specifics of their wedding, the one
thing that Charlie was looking forward to most was having his sister
there to see him." Choking out these words, Scully stopped her
monologue as the tears began to fall slowly down her cheeks. It was
out now. It was confirmed. She had said it outloud, which when the
sound reached her ears, tore her heart to bits. Hearing herself say
it was almost worst than the first time she had heard it.
Her hands covered her face to muffle the sobs that wracked her body.
She knew Mulder could hear her crying, but she couldn't look at him.
Mulder watched her struggle for control and placed his hand on her
thigh. He didn't speak; he just let her cry. After a few minutes,
she dropped her hands from her face, but stared out the window,
avoiding any looks he might have been giving her. He took her hand
and held it. She gasped slightly at the contact, but continued to
stare out the window. Once she had slowed her breathing to a normal
pace, she used her free hand to wipe the remnents of her tears away.
They rode in silence for the next few minutes, their hands still
joined on Scully's lap. Mulder broke the silence first.
"Scully, you know it wasn't your fault. You had no way of knowing
that this was going to happen. You were going to be there for him on
his wedding day, just like he wanted."
"But, you see, that's just it. Even though I was going along with
all the preparations, I was going to fake an excuse to get out of it.
I didn't want to be surrounded by all the wedded bliss. Hopefully we
would have been on a case so it wouldn't have been a complete lie.
That way Charlie wouldn't hate me so much. He would understand if it
was work-related." Scully's voice was full of self-contempt and had
a twinge of bitter mocking to it.
"Oh Scully." Mulder breathed in disbelief. What a burden she was
carrying. Mulder couldn't think of anything to respond to that. He
was speechless. He wanted to hold her, but driving made that an
impossibility. He squeezed her hand, trying to force as much of his
strength into her as he could through their joined hands.
"I was so full of guilt and grief that I could barely walk out of the
sanctuary. I sat in the tiny chapel in the back of the church while
the rest of the family made a receiving line to greet everyone who
came. I sat there for a long time, not knowing what to do with
myself. I wanted to talk to Charlie, to tell him how sorry I was,
how much I loved him.
"The door opened and I figured it was mom coming to get me to join
the receiving line. But it wasn't. It was Lauren's mom, Barbara.
She sat next to me without saying a word. Something about her made
me want to tell her what was wrong. I just started talking. She sat
there and listened to me and my horrible tale of guilt. Then she
hugged me. She told me that she had heard a lot about me from
Charlie, and that she knew that he knew I loved him. He was in a
better place now and he would watch over me just like I had done for
him for all those years. If I wanted to talk to him, all I had to do
was pray and he would speak to me.
"That astounded me. She had such faith even though she had just
walked out of her daughter's funeral. She told me that Charlie would
be closer to me than he ever had before because now he lived in my
heart. She hugged me again and then left the chapel to allow me to
reflect in private. Then I did something I hadn't done in a very
long time. I prayed. I don't know whether he heard me or not, but I
poured my soul out to Charlie in that dark, small chapel. When I
finished, I felt calm and at peace. I can't describe it, but that's
when I knew that Barbara was right. I'll never lose Charlie--he's in
my heart."
Mulder listened in awe to Scully's naked confession. This was not
the same woman who had left him three days ago. She was comfortable
with him and had just spoken her soul's contents to him as if it was
tomorrow's weather forcast. He wasn't sure how to respond to this
change and what other things might have changed during her journey of
grief and reflection. Scully could feel Mulder's hesitance and
bewilderment. She squeezed Mulder's hand as they pulled up in front
of her building. "It's good to be home."
They walked up the stairs and to her apartment in silence. After
fumbling with her keys, she unlocked the door and Mulder followed her
in. He dropped her bag near the door, unsure of what to do next.
Scully could sense his indecision. She walked over to where he
stood and held his hand. "Thank you for coming to pick me up. I'm
glad I have you to take care of me."
"You're welcome." His eyes asked hers a question. Hers answered
while she spoke.
"Um, could you spend the night? I really don't want to be alone."
"Anything for you."
And they slept, content in their love.
* * * * * * *
And where I'm home, curled in your arms
And I'm safe again
I'll close my eyes and sleep, sleep
To the sound of London Rain
* * * * * * *
The End.
So, was it worth it? As good as the others? Please let me know.
Feedback makes it all worthwhile: sexyphile@hotmail.com