A Pain That Won't Leave
By Soul Hunter
Part Six
The greatest of the great wars he had fought were all soul-consuming conflagrations that had nearly brought Cloud to a knee-folding surrender in more ways than one. He had been a self-reprising soldier, a freelance mercenary, and then a part of a resistance movement that aimed to exact vengeance against the power that was Shinra. His combat skills proved to be, in more than one occasion, the pivotal factor that decided the outcome of staggering battles and bitter confrontations. His Mako-infused body had been utilized to the limit to drive away the enemies of his peers. He knows how to fight. It had been his life for the most part of his years.
And Cloud has never felt more embattled before this moment, in this struggle between his heart wishful for its deep desire, and his mind that sought to protect him from the torment of want. His hands, now bereft of its weapon to which he had put much reliance on, are now being drenched in the sea of unmitigated longing. Under his defenseless fingers, the soft, smooth and warm contours of Aeris' bare skin are running, caressing his spirit with its irresistible heat.
His psyche nagged on him viciously, but toward what direction, he's no longer able to discern. A cacophony of dizzying visions and breathtaking pulses overwhelmed his head, which by now had been totally possessed by his heart's dictates to just lay his arms down in total surrender.
Cloud continued to feel feverish as his hand, aided by Aeris' touch, went on to traverse a path leading up. And he can only wonder with dread about the kind of sensation that will engulf him once those mounds of heavenly obstacle come in contact. A thrilling fright instantly sprouted inside him: how would it feel like when his touch finally reaches that point?
Of course, Cloud is not new to this kind of thing. And maybe that's the reason behind the sudden shame he felt for what appeared like a novice behavior of closing his eyes. He then opened them to the vision of Aeris' angelic face, with that expression of profound anticipation that almost bordered on that of anxious dread. He stared at her intently, as if trying to perceive the thoughts currently besieging her mind. Aeris stared back at Cloud, her eyes both expectant and somewhat fearful of something.
Inadvertently, memories of past events started flooding Cloud's mind. Remembering this same gentle visage in a myriad of expressions of joy, sadness, fear and anger, at the same time recalling the echoes of her voice that reflected such emotions. A vision of an old church in lower Midgar stood out, bringing back the time when the two of them first met, in the midst of Aeris' frantic escape from the clutches of a group of Turks bent on delivering her to the merciless hands of the late scientist Hojo.
He had been amused of her then, of her flirtatious yet strangely innocent proposal of offering herself for one night in exchange of his protection. Back then, Cloud became a bit torn between her unabashed behavior and the innocence inherent in that lovely face. He had wondered then about the meaning behind Aeris' utterance, of what exactly she had meant. Not that he was actually willing to oblige had she pointed on the allusion that would make most men jump up and down in the face of a smiling lady luck. She struck him with an image of too much innocence, and he couldn't possibly have taken advantage of that implicit message even if she had meant exactly that.
And he couldn't be more thankful for his reservation. Subsequent events revealed the value of holding back despite the slight disappointment it brought when Aeris offered him a room that was meant to be occupied by him alone. Notwithstanding the fact that Elmyra had asked him to leave without her knowing, in the back of his mind Cloud still somewhat wished for a tryst that was only typical of his manly nature. It warred with his sense of dignity, yes. But he is still, after all, only human.
But he wouldn't have her any other way. If Aeris did project an engaging behavior when they first met, subsequent instances attested to the sheer innocuous playfulness behind that act, and eventually displayed the incorruptibility of her character. Maybe that's the reason that pulled him in such a state of endearment toward this tender hearted Ancient. In his eyes, Aeris was the most fragile soul he has ever encountered. Her virtue is as pristine as an undisturbed snowfield and as picturesque as the first day of spring.
Now, she's leading his hands up to violate that same virtue. And his mind can only scream one thing:
This is not Aeris! The real Aeris would never do a thing like this!
"Get away from me!" Cloud suddenly snapped at Aeris while pulling his hand away. His abrupt awareness of the circumstances left a tinge of pasty taste in his mouth. He has never had a rude awakening more terrible than this.
"Cloud please listen to me" Aeris returned, stuttering with apparent shame. However, her feeling of dejection was already made complete when he promptly turned his back on her, a clear indication of his wish to end this suddenly detestable encounter.
"Please leave" He muttered bitterly, trying his best to maintain his composure despite the frustration. "Get out of here before I do something rash"
" Y-You don't understand, Cloud. You got this all"
"What would it take to drum it into your thick skull?" Cloud roared at the woman he believed to be counterfeit. "Aeris would never do something like this! She's simply much better than this. She's way beyond any need that necessitates this behavior. You should at least have done your homework before impersonating her!"
"'Impersonating'?" She then came back with a very uncharacteristic forcefulness. "'Impersonating'? What is that? A sorry excuse for an emotion that you refuse to yield to, Cloud? Why are you accusing me of this? Do you have any idea how much this hurts?"
"If you're at least half of the Aeris I know, you should at least have known that she would never resort to this thing!"
"WHAT?" The Ancient blurted out.
"Don't play dumb with me, Aer whoever you are. You know damn well what I mean."
"No. You just don't understand what I'm trying to do" Aeris cried out.
And Cloud would have returned another scornful repartee if not for the tears he saw streaming down her flushed face. For one horrible moment, he felt his stubborn skepticism wanting to buckle in the midst of this scene unfolding before him. Ever since Cloud met Aeris, he had never been very good at dealing with her tears. More than anyone else, she had always been the unparalleled expert in melting his heart.
And this moment is by no means an exception.
Cloud thought wishfully, if she only had been the real Aeris
Or rather, if he can only bring himself to believe her as the real Aeris
And he wanted so desperately to believe
"I'm sorry" Aeris said while picking herself up. Her voice was thin and almost a whisper, apparently exhausted from the distress gripping her being.
She was in the act of buttoning her shirt when the door suddenly swung open. Startled, the pair simultaneously turned to the barn entrance to see Tifa staring dejectedly at them.
----------
The two heroic warriors marveled at the bizarre coincidence that brought them both back to this place at this very same moment. They consequently felt a haunting perplexity upon learning of their respective reasons for their impromptu journeys, which turned out to be almost identical. Thinking with unusual profoundness, the copper-shaded creature inadvertently turned his attention toward the lake basking the surroundings with its resplendent reflection of the moon staring at them from above. His thoughts started to wander, back to a similar moment of solemn quietude a year previous.
They buried their dear friend here, at this very spot, at that same lake. Their beloved friend, the one who wouldn't take no for an answer when offering her kindness. The one who used to pat him gently on the nose, something that used to give him much comfort. Sighing resoundingly, he can't help looking a little further back, when the cruel whims of an insane man of science imprisoned him together with that person for what he claimed to be a noble quest for knowledge. He can't avoid remembering how he gave her the fright that she definitely didn't deserve.
His mind was clouded back then, probably due to the so-called medications that mad scientist had forcefully injected into his veins. And yet, the beast with the mind of a naïve altruist knew that despite his irrationality, the pure force of her kind heart penetrated him. This is one that he never revealed to any of his peers: how her utterly beautiful spirit restored his sanity. Still, he persisted on a way of the savage, if only to throw off his captor. But he knew then as he knows now, that even in the direst of circumstances, he would never lay even a single paw to hurt her.
In his own way, he loved her.
Especially the sweet twang of her voice. The voice that brought a rare kind of comfort in his heart that used to draw solace only from those of his kind or that of his grandfather.
Her voice
A n unexpected awareness suddenly brought him out of his thoughtful trance. Turning back to the crimson-cloaked gunman, he echoed with much anxiety his theory of a hopeful possibility that maybe, just maybe, it was her who summoned him back to this place. It was the friend they lost that somehow managed to call on to both of them and made them trek back to her place of rest.
The mysterious man with the raven hair wondered aloud, a trait not typical of him. If she truly was the one whose voice resonated in their dreams and begged them to come here, what reason could she possibly have for doing so?
More importantly, how was it made possible? They were both there in that tragic hour to witness her demise. They both mourned in unison with the heart-wrenching realization that they will never, ever see her face again or hear her voice again. They saw her die with their own eyes.
What manner of macabre mystery are they facing?
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"H-Hello?"
"Hey, Tifa? Reeve here. How's it going?"
"Hi, Reeve. I'm fine, I guess. Still hangin' on."
"Good to hear that. By the way, is Cloud there?"
"Uhh I'm not sure if he's already up. Give me a
minute to check"
"Okay, thanks Hey, wait a minute, Tif."
"Yeah?"
"I don't wanna sound nosy and all, but are you crying?"
"N-No whatever made you say that?"
"Come on, Tif. You can tell me. What's going on?"
She would have stopped her weeping if Reeve hadn't noticed it. And Tifa had to bring the PHS device away from her face just to keep him from hearing the consecutive gasping sounds emanating from her mouth as another wave of bitter emotions welled out from her. But she knew she couldn't hide her dejected state anymore after leaving him on hold for close to a minute.
"R-Reeve"
"Tif, what's happening to you?"
" Sorry" she tried to utter in between muffled wails. "B-But I can't talk right now. Can you like call back a little later?"
Reeve was rendered speechless, and didn't know what to say while hearing her pitifully broken voice.
" Please?"
"Alright just take it easy, okay? And call me when you're ready to talk."
But Tifa wasn't able to hear the last part of Reeve's sentence anymore, as she was so taken anew by her sadness that she felt she just had to turn off the communication device. Spending a few moments to release the weight in her chest, the somber lass then continued folding her clothes neatly and stuffing them inside a huge duffel bag.
End of Part Six