The Final Fantasy 8 guide to Flamers.
Hello, everyone, for our newer, revised version of the FF8 Guide series. I, as you all know, am Squall, SeeD, Commander of Garden, and a surprising fourth place in the recent Freestyle World Championships. Today, we are studying one of the most elusive types of humanoid on Earth, the flamer, a.k.a. Moronicus Devolvareeno. In order to determine this wily type of flamer, we will study their ways and eventually prepare you to combat them. Here, now, is my little sidekick with a basic overview of the "Flamer."
Thanks, Squall. This is, of course....Squall? Do I really have to refer to my parts as this?
"Yes...."
Oh, all right. "Mr.Know-it-all Zell's Information corner." Where do I begin? Ah, yes, the flamer. These people...are evil. They are evil right down to their black hearts which pump not blood, but rather a thick, oily goo. They are known to cause such things as general discord, sickeningly horrific feelings, and 5 diseases that, until flamers came along, were only found in horses. These flamers have been known to wither people's crops and have stolen Christmas from the years 1987-1991. Basically, Flamers suck.
Thank you, Mr.Know-it-all Zell, for that...informative report.
"DAMMIT, I'm not Mr.Know-it-all Zell!"
Would you rather I call you Chicken-Wuss?
"Oh, all right..."
Moving on...It is, of course,necessary to determine what a flamer is so you can avoid them. Here with this, is our appearance correspondent...
Hi, everyone, it's me, Selphie! Here is my way to determine if you've spotted a flamer! Flamers tend to hang out in packs, mostly because sane people don't like them. Most flamers tend to be either 11-12 year old boys who are just passing through until they find some really cool "nudie pics" or some really bad writers who are completely jealous of you. The second type is easier to avoid if you find them, but is also much easier to squelch; one or two cheap good compliments will work swimmingly. If it is the first type, I advise you to do as the name suggests. The term "flamer" came from our area, where a series of Oilboyles came up to the surface and proceeded to torment people. Since most of the first type of flamer's is in possession of more oil than your average fast food joint, do as we did: light a couple of matches and set those fuckers aflame. You may hear them scream when you do this, but that is just their demonic soul calling out as it prepares for its journey back to Hell. Do not take pity on them when you hear it. Remember, It's for their own good.
Thank you, Selphie, for that informative report. Now, I know that people will want to know if they're being flamed or not, so we've got an expert witness of how to determine what is a flame and what is not. Quisty....
Thanks, Squall. Ah yes, The flame. Many people's definition of this differ dramatically, so I prepare to offer a few examples to show what is a flame and what is not...
"Wow, u realy stinckno ofense but I thinck you shood keep ur day job.Learn to use speeel check -YoU sUcK aNd YoU kNoW iT
(yousuck@Irule.com)"
As you can see, this is a typical flame. Notice the horrific lack of any classes in English at any level, except maybe Remedial "Leg Up" English. Pay proper attention to his claim, which in flamerese, is "Learn to use spell check." THIS IS NOT INTENDED AS IRONIC HUMOR. The flamer apparently thought that was the right spelling. Also, pay attention to the typical things inherent in flamer posts; the SwItChInG of CaPiTaL letters, the "yousuck@Irule.com" e-mail address so they look like badasses, and the like.
"Okay, I didn't really like your fic. Here are some tips to really make your work shine..."
Despite many people's claims, this is not a flame. Remember, kids, Not everyone has to love your work. If it's handled like this, it is actually a good thing in almost all occasions.
"flames, sending evil greeting cards, creating e-mail address to torment you, using your name to flame people"
This is not a flame, despite people's thoughts. This borders on Cyber-stalking. Alert whoever runs their server, the site where it happens' officials, and if you feel it necessary, the police. (Don't worry if they get arrested for this stuff, if they go to jail, no prisoner in their right mind would rape them, so it's not like they're going to be tortured...)
"previous: I CANNOT BELIEVE IT MY FAVORITE AUTHOR IS LEAVING THAT AUTHOR IS THE ONLY ONE WHO GIVES ME POSITIVE REVIEWS I BLAME THE FLAMERS (insert author's name here) IS PROBABLY THE RINGLEADER I SAW HIM WRITE A COUPLE OF REVIEWS THAT DIDN'T CLAIM THIS AUTHOR WAS GOD!"
"reply (from author in question): Look, calm down. You're being a complete fucking cuntrag right now! I didn't flame your "savior" author or something! Relax, take a couple of Midol, and DEAL WITH IT."
The author writing this is not flaming the previous author. The author is merely stating a fact.
I hope this tutorial has shown you what is and what is not a flame.
Thank you, Quistis. Now, as an actual bonus, Sir Laguna, the Personality Hunter, has cornered the lair of the King of the Flamers! Take it away, Laguna!
Thanks, son!
"Um, dad, people watching, ixnay on the onsay..."
Oh, right. I've found this normal middle-class residence. Inside is the mythical King of the Flamers, a person who'll flame everything which isn't his work, often in one fell swoop! Now, to sneak in...
"Hello? Who are you?"
"Um, is your son home?"
"Why, yes he is! Just go on up..."
*boom*
*boom*
*boom*
"What's that?"
"....."
"Ward says that our target's going to the door..."
"Okay..."
"WHOA! Laguna? Kiros? Ward?"
GET HIM, GUYS! As you can see, my colleagues have grabbed his arms and legs and spread them out. Now, I'm gonna go in and stick me finger right in his bumhole...
AWRIGHT! He should be really pissed off now...
"Um, Laguna?"
What now?
"Just check this out..."
"My dream has finally come true..."
DAMMIT! I should have figured that the King of the Flamers would be gay...Well, back to you while I boil my bumhole finger!
Thank you, Sir Laguna, everybody! Remember, he's available for weddings and bar mitzvahs...to stick his finger up people's bumholes. Well, that's our report on flamers and how to recognize them. I'm Squall Leonhart, reminding you to help control the gene pool, have your local flamers spayed or neutered!
Hello, everyone, for our newer, revised version of the FF8 Guide series. I, as you all know, am Squall, SeeD, Commander of Garden, and a surprising fourth place in the recent Freestyle World Championships. Today, we are studying one of the most elusive types of humanoid on Earth, the flamer, a.k.a. Moronicus Devolvareeno. In order to determine this wily type of flamer, we will study their ways and eventually prepare you to combat them. Here, now, is my little sidekick with a basic overview of the "Flamer."
Thanks, Squall. This is, of course....Squall? Do I really have to refer to my parts as this?
"Yes...."
Oh, all right. "Mr.Know-it-all Zell's Information corner." Where do I begin? Ah, yes, the flamer. These people...are evil. They are evil right down to their black hearts which pump not blood, but rather a thick, oily goo. They are known to cause such things as general discord, sickeningly horrific feelings, and 5 diseases that, until flamers came along, were only found in horses. These flamers have been known to wither people's crops and have stolen Christmas from the years 1987-1991. Basically, Flamers suck.
Thank you, Mr.Know-it-all Zell, for that...informative report.
"DAMMIT, I'm not Mr.Know-it-all Zell!"
Would you rather I call you Chicken-Wuss?
"Oh, all right..."
Moving on...It is, of course,necessary to determine what a flamer is so you can avoid them. Here with this, is our appearance correspondent...
Hi, everyone, it's me, Selphie! Here is my way to determine if you've spotted a flamer! Flamers tend to hang out in packs, mostly because sane people don't like them. Most flamers tend to be either 11-12 year old boys who are just passing through until they find some really cool "nudie pics" or some really bad writers who are completely jealous of you. The second type is easier to avoid if you find them, but is also much easier to squelch; one or two cheap good compliments will work swimmingly. If it is the first type, I advise you to do as the name suggests. The term "flamer" came from our area, where a series of Oilboyles came up to the surface and proceeded to torment people. Since most of the first type of flamer's is in possession of more oil than your average fast food joint, do as we did: light a couple of matches and set those fuckers aflame. You may hear them scream when you do this, but that is just their demonic soul calling out as it prepares for its journey back to Hell. Do not take pity on them when you hear it. Remember, It's for their own good.
Thank you, Selphie, for that informative report. Now, I know that people will want to know if they're being flamed or not, so we've got an expert witness of how to determine what is a flame and what is not. Quisty....
Thanks, Squall. Ah yes, The flame. Many people's definition of this differ dramatically, so I prepare to offer a few examples to show what is a flame and what is not...
"Wow, u realy stinckno ofense but I thinck you shood keep ur day job.Learn to use speeel check -YoU sUcK aNd YoU kNoW iT
(yousuck@Irule.com)"
As you can see, this is a typical flame. Notice the horrific lack of any classes in English at any level, except maybe Remedial "Leg Up" English. Pay proper attention to his claim, which in flamerese, is "Learn to use spell check." THIS IS NOT INTENDED AS IRONIC HUMOR. The flamer apparently thought that was the right spelling. Also, pay attention to the typical things inherent in flamer posts; the SwItChInG of CaPiTaL letters, the "yousuck@Irule.com" e-mail address so they look like badasses, and the like.
"Okay, I didn't really like your fic. Here are some tips to really make your work shine..."
Despite many people's claims, this is not a flame. Remember, kids, Not everyone has to love your work. If it's handled like this, it is actually a good thing in almost all occasions.
"flames, sending evil greeting cards, creating e-mail address to torment you, using your name to flame people"
This is not a flame, despite people's thoughts. This borders on Cyber-stalking. Alert whoever runs their server, the site where it happens' officials, and if you feel it necessary, the police. (Don't worry if they get arrested for this stuff, if they go to jail, no prisoner in their right mind would rape them, so it's not like they're going to be tortured...)
"previous: I CANNOT BELIEVE IT MY FAVORITE AUTHOR IS LEAVING THAT AUTHOR IS THE ONLY ONE WHO GIVES ME POSITIVE REVIEWS I BLAME THE FLAMERS (insert author's name here) IS PROBABLY THE RINGLEADER I SAW HIM WRITE A COUPLE OF REVIEWS THAT DIDN'T CLAIM THIS AUTHOR WAS GOD!"
"reply (from author in question): Look, calm down. You're being a complete fucking cuntrag right now! I didn't flame your "savior" author or something! Relax, take a couple of Midol, and DEAL WITH IT."
The author writing this is not flaming the previous author. The author is merely stating a fact.
I hope this tutorial has shown you what is and what is not a flame.
Thank you, Quistis. Now, as an actual bonus, Sir Laguna, the Personality Hunter, has cornered the lair of the King of the Flamers! Take it away, Laguna!
Thanks, son!
"Um, dad, people watching, ixnay on the onsay..."
Oh, right. I've found this normal middle-class residence. Inside is the mythical King of the Flamers, a person who'll flame everything which isn't his work, often in one fell swoop! Now, to sneak in...
"Hello? Who are you?"
"Um, is your son home?"
"Why, yes he is! Just go on up..."
*boom*
*boom*
*boom*
"What's that?"
"....."
"Ward says that our target's going to the door..."
"Okay..."
"WHOA! Laguna? Kiros? Ward?"
GET HIM, GUYS! As you can see, my colleagues have grabbed his arms and legs and spread them out. Now, I'm gonna go in and stick me finger right in his bumhole...
AWRIGHT! He should be really pissed off now...
"Um, Laguna?"
What now?
"Just check this out..."
"My dream has finally come true..."
DAMMIT! I should have figured that the King of the Flamers would be gay...Well, back to you while I boil my bumhole finger!
Thank you, Sir Laguna, everybody! Remember, he's available for weddings and bar mitzvahs...to stick his finger up people's bumholes. Well, that's our report on flamers and how to recognize them. I'm Squall Leonhart, reminding you to help control the gene pool, have your local flamers spayed or neutered!