A Pain That Won't Leave
By Soul Hunter
Part Eight
"Hi there, little girl."
Marlene looked up to the sight of unfamiliar faces. However, her lack of concern for anything save the table of inanimate guests that she's having an imaginary tea party with just beyond the wide yard of their house made her turn a deaf ear to that perky greeting issued by the stranger. She turned her attention back to her dolls, unmindful of her suspicious visitors.
"Hey, whatcha doin'?" The leader of the pack reechoed. Again, the little girl looked at them, then looked away nonchalantly.
"You're not a very nice girl, are you."
"That's not true." She finally spoke. "My uncle Cloud said I'm the nicest girl in the whole world even though my dad is very rude."
"And what's your dad's name?"
Nothing returned to the man's seemingly harmless inquiry. Breathing deeply, he clenched his teeth hard, trying to resist the urge to unleash his annoyance at Marlene's lack of interest.
"Didn't your parents taught you to respect people older than you?"
"Yeah. But they also told me never to talk to strangers."
"Oh, I'm not a stranger." The man inside a black overalls came back. "I'm a good friend of your dad's."
"If you're daddy's friend, then why are you asking me his name? Aren't friends supposed to know each other's names?"
"Y-Yeah I do know his name." The man stammered, somewhat feeling cornered after his rather thoughtless remark. "I was just testing to see if you are my friend's daughter."
Marlene tossed a playful grin at the stranger while replying. "Of course I know my dad's name. It's it's Barret! Yes, it's Barret."
"Oh, thanks, honey." He finally shot out with an evil smirk in his battle-roughened face. "That's all I need to know."
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The swirling mass of black and green has already made a towering wall of picturesque malevolence around them. Thinking wildly, the snarling beast with the lighted tail hurled his one-eyed glare toward the top of the maelstrom, which was becoming more and more violent with each passing second. Behind him, an equally alarmed gunman was reaching into his pocket, from where he produced a familiar device, one that he extensively used in communicating with his erstwhile comrades a year ago.
He tapped frenetically on the green button, then sighed with frustration upon realizing that the whirlpool of energy surrounding them was also blocking the signals coming in and out of the communication device.
Not knowing what to do, the stalwart duo remained unmoving while the wall of stormy energy raged around them seemingly dreadful and yet strangely inert, as if in all its fury, some force is keeping it from touching them. Not a few moments passed when the energy turbulence subsided to afford them a brief respite. But the unexpected relief easily dissipated when low, rumbling noises once again emanated from the ground below them.
To their horror, streams of life essences started to seep out from tiny fissures in the ground. The rivers of ribbon-like forces looked extremely familiar inadvertently reminding the two of a scene they witnessed a year before: of these same streams of life coming out from the very heart of the world itself to do its part in saving the planet. They knew it was the Lifestream, that much is unmistakable.
But as for the hows and the whys, they didn't know. Or maybe they weren't worried about it as much as they were with the intertwining streaks of red mixed with the green emanations. A sign of a hurting planet? Is this the breach that they felt earlier the one that brought about that vengeful reaction that almost snuffed the life out of them?
They can only ponder in horror regarding the forces bringing about this grisly turn of events. But whatever it is that's behind it, the mere fact that it's getting this much attention from the planet frightened the pair. They know quite well what could possibly happen in the midst of this supernaturally sentient world crying out as if it's languishing under a force that it cannot repulse. They both are horridly familiar with the legends legends spawned by a hurting world. Legends they've once seen with their own eyes, of unstoppable creations that nearly killed them once upon a time.
And as if confirming their grim suspicion, a blood-curdling roar suddenly tore through the restless void.
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It had been a half hour since Tifa left, and Cloud was still standing outside the front door of the house, staring at the spot down up dirt road where she disappeared from his sight. He still didn't know what to think. He knows he's sad, it's probably only the natural thing to feel in a situation like this when someone close to a person should depart like this. But his sadness isn't so much due to Tifa's departure, as it seems to be with the fact that he never really tried to stop her. And even though he wanted to pretend to know the answer to alleviate his confused state, Cloud just couldn't do so. The shock of the circumstances and his own unrelenting doubt was rendering things too impossible for him to rationalize his actions without cringing in excruciating guilt. He just can't explain it, how he wanted badly for Tifa to stay, and yet felt a kind of relief that makes him want to hit his head against the hardest surface that he could find. She just walked out of his life, because of his uncertainty. Cloud wanted to think about the possible repercussions, like if this single event will bring an incurable poison of regret in his heart or not.
On the other hand, here's someone whose gentle face has ironically been subjecting his heart to a kind of hell much worse than that brought about by the self-denial he punished himself with a long time ago. Claiming the name of the one hopelessly endeared in his heart, she brought another wave of storm in his life, one that first churned into his being a year ago with the sight of his beloved Ancient giving up her last breath while enclosed in his numbing arms. For the last day and a half, Cloud had been treating her with all the contempt he could muster, as if wanting to teach her a lesson for desecrating the appearance that he held so dear.
She had the temerity to call herself Aeris. And for that, he was furious. His rage knew almost no bounds, something that he's so afraid of finally unleashing lest it engulfs not only her, but everyone around him as well. But then, he had been starting to ask, is this rage truly reared on the one he had been accusing of impersonation? Or on himself for refusing to accept a bitterness born of a different kind of anger?
"Tifa once told me about your voyage through your own self-discovery, Cloud." A voice reverberated from behind him. "She didn't try to expound on it because we never had enough time, but I can tell it must have been a very hard thing for you."
"Elmyra I didn't hear you coming." He turned, unable to hide his startled look.
"What was it then, Cloud?" the older woman spoke while ignoring his remark. "What were you afraid to face then that it had to take a near-death experience to knock you into your senses?"
"I I don't know"
"You know, Cloud. You already have come to terms with it, haven't you? I know you have. And that's why I'm wondering right now why are you doing this to yourself again? What are you afraid of?"
Cloud remained still, his being tormented by Elmyra's sharp words. Or rather, by the truth contained in those words.
"What are you afraid of?"
"Being Being hurt"
"Aren't we all?"
She's right, he thought. He hated to concede to it, but he knows Elmyra was right without contest. And that brought an even more tormenting grip of guilt in him. But however he wanted to release himself from a perennial penchant for self-denial whenever he found the need to protect himself, Cloud can only surrender in utter dismay to the fact that he had, again, immersed himself too deeply in his illusion. Such that he doesn't know anymore which one is the mirage and which is not. All he knows is that he was hurt and he was angry.
"Why are you doing this to yourself, Cloud? Why are you doing this to the people closest to you? If you truly do not believe that Aeris is back with us, why did you allow Tifa to walk away?"
Cloud asked inside him: why can't she understand? Why can't Elmyra see it from his perspective? Doesn't she know how much he loved her? Isn't she aware of the kind of hurt he had to weather when she died?
No, she didn't. As a matter of fact, Elmyra had no idea. She can't possibly perceive the terrible affection he regarded her when she was still alive.
And for that matter, so was Cloud. He had no idea just how much he loved Aeris. He adored her so much, up to the point of holding the pain in his heart sacred because it's the only thing that connected him with her when she died. A pain that he refused to let go, a pain whose every throe brings him back to the time when she was beside him. Laughing, giggling, smiling, poking his side and throwing her fragrant hair at him. This pain was Aeris. And that was the only one he knew.
Feeling the hurt is loving Aeris over and over again. And that is why Cloud allowed Tifa to leave. He had to be fair to her. Though he truly did love her, she just cannot compete with a rival whose real essence is buried deep inside his being. A competition that cannot be excised that he doesn't want to excise. This stinging sensation embedded deep in his heart that he just refused to liberate and he would defend with his life if need be. Is he living in another world of denial? That he may be. But he didn't care anymore. All Cloud knew was Aeris' presence through the wound in his soul.
Cloud sighed quietly. If only she hadn't died, he wouldn't have to content himself with just the wound. If only she had stayed with him, he wouldn't have to contend with the doubt and uncertainty brought about by her absence. He would never have settled in accepting her loss and holding on to her memories. That same face would have been real to him.
"Cloud I" Aeris opened nervously. She was promptly met with a disappointing turn of his head to the opposite direction.
Biting her lips in silent despondence, Aeris motioned for her adopted mother to leave them before turning her welling eyes to Cloud. She tried to speak again, her lips desperate to make him believe her words. But the ordeal she went through somewhat rendered all words elusive from her craving heart. Yet still, she tried.
"I'm sorry about Tifa"
"Heh" He scoffed disdainfully. "For once, I won't hold that against you. Tifa leaving wasn't really your fault, but mine. You see, even before you came, we had been sailing through rough waters because of y because of Aeris. Everything was already set to explode, and all you did was speed up the timer."
"Yeah But if I hadn't come If I didn't do what I tried to do last n"
"What you did last night? If I didn't know better, I'd think you really are out to sabotage us. But don't feel bad. Like I said, you were only a catalyst. This thing started way before when I when I started remembering her again" Cloud answered, the look in his eyes subsequently softening, as if getting ready to weep. Seeing this, Aeris felt a sudden surge of hope in her that pushed her to step toward him.
"Don't." Cloud suddenly snapped at her. "Not after last night. You just couldn't possibly salvage the situation. Not anymore."
Tears were already flowing down in torrents from Aeris' tortured green eyes as she walked away from Cloud. And even though desperate in trying to avoid aggravating her grief, she can't avoid looking back at what she did the previous night. It was an act that she honestly thought would have finally won Cloud's trust if it hadn't been abruptly intermitted. But Aeris really didn't care anymore. With the way things are going, it looked to her like she may have to be forced into going back to her restless rest, with the prospect of seeing everyone and everything around her regressed to nothingness beneath the tortured struggles of a planet desperately trying to fight back and unknowingly beginning to destroy itself.
But the threat of a dying world still, for her, is easily dwarfed by the pain of Cloud's rejection.
End of Part Eight