A Pain That Won't Leave
By Soul Hunter
Part Eleven
Visions of murder came flashing back into his mind in torrents. The light from a single ray of moonshine crawled along the merciless blade of the Masamune. It sped, almost like a blur, a flicker of horror contrasting the darkness that spawned it. In the heart of the man that was not anymore a man came the cries of joy, rejoicing in the torment that it imparted to the pure-hearted. In the eyes of the demented avenger with the twisted cause shot forth the cruel intent of denying the Ancient the rest of her life. The remaining years of blithe existence that was not meant to be. His silver hair ruffled in the currents of spiteful insanity, while his fair hands prepare to immerse itself in blood.
Sephiroth was alive once more. His blackish-verdant eyes affixing its sharp gaze at him, mocking him. Telling him to do that one thing he failed to do to save the life of one who meant the world to him. The fallen angel smiled at him, innocently, then murderously. Inviting him to stop the carnage while making sure that he can't. He raised his arms in the victory about to be claimed, and flailed the blade of his dark and bitter triumph.
"SEPHIROTH! NOOOOOO!!!!!"
A haze suddenly moved like thunder, swift and unstoppable. And before Cloud realized what happened, the man who in his tormented mind briefly looked like Sephiroth was swept aside by the saving fist clad with the powerful Premium Heart. His startled eyes glared gratefully at the raven-haired savior who had just preserved the life of the Ancient.
"Tifa!!!"
And just as swiftly, Cloud felt the weight pressing against him disappear. He looked up momentarily to see the welcome faces of his old comrades, Reeve and Cid Highwind, who by then had already engaged the SOLDIER operatives in a one-sided battle. The enemies' resistance was brief and ultimately futile, unable to withstand the fiery onslaught of the rocket man and his powerful Venus Gospel. On the other hand, while nearly lacking any real technique in combat, the former Shinra executive relied confidently on the protection of his HK5 semi-auto.
"Don't try it, son." Reeve smugly voiced out while poking the muzzle of his gun against the thug's forehead. "I know you're fast. But you're not that fast."
"Heh, cocky friggin' manager" Cid scoffed while lighting a cigarette, after which he turned to Cloud to help him up on his feet. Nonchalantly surveying the battlefield, the brash pilot of the Highwind promptly smiled his usual, derisive smirk while taking note of Tifa as she allowed the limp body of her opponent to fall to the ground.
Cloud looked at Tifa. And despite wanting to thank her for saving Aeris' life, he was unsure whether to feel relieved or burdened by her presence. But he dismissed the dilemma eventually in turning his attention to Reeve and Cid.
"Thanks. But how did you guys know where to find us?"
"We just arrived this afternoon," Reeve started. "when we saw Tifa scampering out of the house. That's when I realized that those idiots have already started."
Cloud turned a quizzical look at the former Shinra executive. "Already started? Started with what?"
"Guys" Tifa suddenly interrupted. "Can you continue with that later? Aeris is hurt, we have to take her back to the house."
----------
The tortured ululation of the newborn terror echoed far and wide, the reverberations of his horrid cries reaching as far south as New Haven, a small town that sprouted up near what used to be Midgar. His eyes blinked like that of an infant searching for either food or its mother, batting the semi-solid eyelids vertically and giving a grotesque picture of its unsightly face.
He checked the accouterment of colored orbs of power in his weapon, and sighed in dismay after realizing that lack of the most powerful materia that he deemed necessary in defeating the Weapon. The man with the scarlet cloak divided his attention between their options and the threat at hand. It was not usually his style to stop in contemplation whenever faced with an adversary. For as far as he can remember, he had always moved in cold sureness and icy confidence in fighting the countless battles that he had protruded his head into. Once an unfeeling and emotionless arm of a dreaded elite army, he had been used to facing enemies that though mighty by themselves, posed no real threat to himself and his equally coldhearted comrades. Theirs had always been the one-sided affair, the encounters that had already been won even before it started.
But they never had to face an enemy like this, whose energies that fuel every fiber of its being come from the sentient planet itself where their feet had been planted since the moment of their births. They never had to stare at the face of an inferior enemy who can do nothing to put a dent on their vaunted invincibility.
He opted for a test, and examination of the adversary's mettle. Briefly concentrating, he conjured the disgusting spirit of the curse giver. Of the fearful entity whose presence was heralded by fumes of unbearable stench and four stone pillars rising from the deepest pits of man's contempt. The entity appeared, his hideous smirk painted all over the ugly shape of his flesh-bereft face. The cauldron of hell rocked before him, inside which a concoction of poison and hatred boiled like a wronged soul's seething vengeance. The undulating gestures of its bony hands then prompted the lake of toxin to rain its wrath upon the harbinger of doom, showering it with the reeking might that can afflict a whole army with its inward assault.
The death-bringer shrugged it off as if it were nothing.
The talking lion followed suit with a barrage of its own, unleashing a succession of four Ultima attacks, fueled in part by the mysterious Quadra Magic materia that was affixed to his Limited Moon. The storm of verdant energy bombarded the vast territory like a god's revenge, bringing forth waves of destructive shockwaves that the warrior pair felt even in spite of their temporary ethereal state. The creature stepped back, evidently staggered by the powerful attack. However, its innate invulnerability enabled it to regenerate rapidly, rendering whatever damage inflicted on it completely nil.
And to their utter horror, the Weapon struck back at them in the form of yellowish-black beams that shot out from its underdeveloped jaws, bombarding them with searing solar forces that would have burned them to a crisp if not for the invisible protection of a previously conjured Wall spell. But still, the attack took its toll on the courageous gladiators. They felt as if they had just been immersed in a lake of fire, excruciating pains cutting a swath underneath their skin as if a burning current of water-fluid magma had been injected into their bodies. They felt their consciousness rapidly ebbing, a darkness from the horizon rushing ferociously toward them.
They fought valiantly, albeit somewhat in futility. The darkness in their minds began to grow, threatening to consume them in its bottomless chasms.
-----------
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?"
Cloud couldn't bring himself to look straight into Tifa's eyes. He had always known her to be the gentle and understanding soul since their childhood. More often than not, her patient ways had always brought her to a tolerant behavior of letting most of his mistakes and idiosyncrasies slide, owing from a longsuffering attitude that wrongful ways cannot be mended with spiteful words of accusation. She had been this way ever since he knew her; frequently overlooking his misgivings, often giving reason to them, and always understanding them.
But there had been a few exceptions, rare ones in fact. And this was one of those moments that though unpleasant, he knew better than to talk back to. He knew that when Tifa assumes this attitude, there's a damn good reason behind it.
They had just come back from the arduous trek from Mount Nibel, with Elmyra welcoming them in relief for seeing Marlene safe. But the short-lived respite was marred by a new wave of worry when she saw Aeris' unconscious form in the arms of a sheepish looking Cloud. The elder woman looked at the spiky-haired warrior, noting the sad repentance in his eyes that reflected the regret he was feeling at that very moment. She didn't understand it at first but Elmyra could easily tell that Cloud was blaming himself for the misfortune that befell Aeris.
A few hours ago, Reeve and Cid were assisting in the preparation for a room where the Ancient could recover and rest. And though they proceeded with the chore as if it was just business as usual, the questions riddling the minds of the pair demanded an answer. They looked at Aeris as if they had seen a ghost, consequently bringing them to a recollection of that fateful day one year previous. Cid remembered waiting at the outskirts of the Forgotten City right before he received a summons through the PHS device. The sound of Yuffie's voice came to him as totally unexpected, with her buckling tone and constricted breathing that he thought could only be brought about by something terrible. He remembered his heart racing as his feet pounded hard on the icy ground while he ran to meet his comrades. The sight that met him was that of dismal grieving, an enormous surprise for him who never expected to see a comrade felled. Even his normally peevish attitude took a back seat, completely quelled by the tragic scene of a sweet soul being laid to her final rest.
Things were a little bit stranger for the former Shinra officer. Throughout the past adventure, he had known Aeris only through the artificial eyes and ears of an ingeniously designed toy cat mounted on a mobile moogle. Seeing the world around their travels in perennial black-and-white while faking the personality of the fabricated being, he never got the chance to know the Ancient for what she truly was. Until a few days prior to her demise, his mindset was focused on treachery and betrayal, hiding behind the cheery glow of the form while secretly serving their enemies. But in spite of that, the man behind the machine silently wished for an opportunity to gain a knowing of the girl who cordially extended her arms to his automated thrall. Reeve kept it hidden due to his shameful role in the grand drama, and he can only regret his inability to touch her hand the way their other comrades did. Yes, there did come a time when he was accepted into the group after his repentance. But it was too late. Aeris was already gone.
Now, she's lying on a bed, sleeping. She's lying before him, in the flesh. Reeve didn't exactly know what to make of the unusual circumstance that brought him face to face with the person he secretly wished to know. But at this very moment, the only thing dwelling in his mind was the desire to see her recuperate from her injuries. Even though he never got to know her personally prior to this moment, he can't deny the fact that he had grown quite an attachment to the gentle-hearted Ancient.
In a way, he thought, the ugly turn of events managed to produce something pleasant. Looking back at the last couple of days, Reeve remembered the phone call he gave Tifa to warn them about some factions of the discontented Midgar bourgeois, which threatened to get back at the group for what they claimed was their role in the city's final fate. Reeve himself didn't take them seriously. But he made that call just the same, more in wanting to touch bases with them in a friendly manner than anything else. When he heard a sobbing Tifa asking him to call back later, he consequently forgot about the whole hubbub and carried on with his daily activities.
It was only when he discovered a clandestine transaction between some vindictive residents and a contingent of former SOLDIERs who had turned mercenaries that he decided to take action. It was still a pretty rough period, and fast travel was rather hard to acquire so Reeve opted to contact Cid Highwind and ask for his assistance. They made it barely on time, arriving in Nibelheim just soon enough to find Tifa scurrying toward Mount Nibel after Elmyra told her about Marlene's abduction. He cringed, thinking of the tragedy that would have transpired had he not found out of the intent of that particular group of Midgar residents of exacting revenge against Barret for the repercussions brought about by Avalanche's terrorist act of destroying reactor no. 1.
An old grudge, he thought, that some people just can't bring themselves to forgive. Though he had made up his mind to bring them to justice, Reeve really can't fully blame those people who hired the rogue SOLDIERs to abduct Marlene. But he also saw Barret's repentance with his own eyes or at least through the eyes of his 'Cait Sith'. And aside from his firm repugnance to the concept of revenge, Reeve also believed that two wrongs could never equate to a right. Someone has to end this long and seemingly endless chain of spiteful desire at vengeance. And if only to make up for his role in furthering the evil that was Shinra's, he opted to make the responsibility his. Even if he had to die for the cause.
Reeve inched aside slightly to allow Cid to pass in front of him. Sighing resoundingly, the pilot then opted to look out the window, from where he saw Tifa in what appeared to be a heated argument with Cloud. But it couldn't be, Cid thought. Cloud was just sitting there, his head bowed in evident regret. But for what reason, he didn't know.
"My goodness, Cloud. Didn't you even consider the danger that you two faced?" She continued in a vehement tone. "You knew you were most likely to get into a fight, so why didn't you provide Aeris with any materia? Gosh, even a measly Counter materia would have been helpful. What if we had failed to make it on time, huh? What?!?"
He maintained his silence, mostly due to the fact that he really didn't know what to say. Cloud just bowed his head in tormented thought while scenes of gruesome events that might have happened flashed in his mind. He also can't figure out why he neglected to give Aeris even a single orb that would have meant the difference between life and death. Maybe he just forgot? Not likely. This isn't something that a man accustomed to battles is inclined to overlook.
"I I don't understand you, Cloud." Tifa furthered. "I thought this was what you've always wanted."
He raised his head to look at her, and saw the face of a reluctant Tifa who didn't know whether to carry on with her words or not. Cloud then reassumed his cowed appearance as she continued talking.
"All this time, I knew that even though you appeared contented with me, you were still secretly wishing for a second chance with her. Or at least, you were wondering what life would be like if it were Aeris you were with instead of me
"It hurts. You have to understand that it's not easy for me. But you also have to appreciate my efforts in trying to show you that I also deserve your love. But I guess it's not really a matter of whether I deserve you or not. Of whether I deserve to be happy or not. The thing is, you also need to be happy. Between the two of us, it was you who suffered more in life, and partly because of my own doing too."
Cloud remembered the lie that aggravated his past bout with self-denial. But the memory was fleeting, and ultimately irrelevant. But he would have wanted his mind to be immersed in irrelevant thoughts if only to avoid listening to her excruciating words.
"But the bottom line is, you deserve to be happy. And I know that. And I know that for you to be happy, you have to choose the one whom you've always wanted to be with. It's not easy accepting that it isn't me, but that's not your problem anymore, right?"
"Tifa" He interrupted. The look he saw in her eyes was harrowing and contagious. Cloud felt her pain. He felt the tormented throbs in her heart that had begun echoing in his own. He desperately wanted to rescue her from the hurt that she definitely didn't deserve. But he can't. For Tifa was speaking nothing else but the truth.
"No. You shouldn't worry about me. I should be the least of your concerns right now, Cloud." Tifa went on. She was forcing a smile in her lips but the glistening layer covering her eyes betrayed her breaking heart. "You finally got your wish, Aeris came back to us. Nobody ever gets a second chance like this, Cloud. Nobody. Only you."
The truth that she spoke came as both elating and excruciating for Cloud. For if Tifa's words had any substance, it would then mean his ultimate opportunity at spending the rest of his life with Aeris. But in the same way would also amount to a hurt that he inadvertently will impart Tifa. He loved her. He loves her still. That much he was sure of. But he also had to accept that his heart could belong to only one. Cloud clenched his teeth in the midst of the tearing dilemma.
But in truth, it wasn't really a dilemma that was rending his heart. He hated himself for this but he knew only too well the choice that he will be making. The only thing that was tormenting him at this very moment was the thought of the kind of pain he will be leaving Tifa with.
"Hush" She whispered while taking his hands. "Stop lashing at yourself, okay? I understand. Your heart can belong to only one. And we both know who that one will be. I will be hurt of course because"
Tifa's tears finally fell, together with a suffocating knot that restricted the flow of words from her throat. But still, she persisted. If she was going to lose him now, she might as well let him see her heart for the last time.
" Because I love you and and I want you to be happy."
Cloud could never have known a more noble soul.
"Tifa I"
"Don't worry about me and don't worry about my pain. Life's cruel like that. But it is comforting to know that tribulations like this don't last forever. Right?"
"What what do you want me to do?" He asked reluctantly.
"Just follow your heart, Cloud. Let it soar to whom it really belongs to. And I will let my heart rest for a while and then find its home as well."
A moment of silence permeated before Tifa spoke once more.
Who knows?" She chuckled falsely. "Maybe a couple of years from I can invite you and Aeris to my wedding. I mean, you are aware that I used to have a lot of suitors, right? So please... stop being a jerk, okay?"
Cloud looked straight into Tifa's eyes, with nothing but gratitude that he so desperately wanted to express but at the same time hesitated to do so. His eyes reflected the mixture of his conflicted emotions, a cacophony of silent voices of love, appreciation and a reluctant word of farewell.
The solemn moment was then interrupted when Elmyra apprehensively disturbed their conversation.
"Uhmm excuse me. Cloud?"
Cloud lifted his head up to her just as Tifa's chest began pounding.
"Aeris is awake. And she wanted to speak with you."
End of Part Eleven