A Pain That Won't Leave
By Soul Hunter
Part Thirteen
Cloud almost laughed at the irony. As a teenager, his mother was quite proud of him for his courage and determination in pushing back all the obstacles and setbacks that besieged his early years. He was regarded highly by his friends for his steely resolve in making it to SOLDIER. He was relentless, headstrong, and almost ruthless in pursuing his dreams of one day being a part of that elite fighting squad.
He never made it, of course, but not that it mattered considering the destiny that awaited him. During the course of his adventures, he was forced by circumstances to pit his sword against the most feared combatants and fierce creatures the planet had to offer. Three great Weapons felt his wrath and succumbed to it. One powerful organization capitulated mostly due to his doing. And the might of a demigod bent on annihilation learned, in the end, that his power was still inadequate to conquer his valor.
Cloud had conquered everything and everyone that was thrown against him. He is a warrior, a renowned one, possessing the kind of courage that only a fool would not envy. He can take on almost anything and anyone stupid enough to stand in his way.
And yet he can't even muster the courage to push that measly door open.
He didn't know what to expect in coming face to face once more with the one on the other side of that door. Earlier, she was fighting alongside him. Initially maintaining his shadow of skepticism, Cloud felt the beleaguered walls of his stubborn doubt threatened by her display of combat prowess that she could only have learned from him. He watched her perform everything that he taught her. She never missed a beat nor overdid a step.
Cloud was terrified. He wasn't sure for what reason, it seemed a hundred and one arguments were simultaneously grubbing into his mind at this very moment. Of course, he still felt guilty about intentionally failing to provide her with the materia she needed in the encounter with Marlene's abductors. If he had done so, she wouldn't be lying on that bed. Coupled with the anxiety he had been feeling ever since it all started the dilemma of having to stare into the Ancient's face and not having a strong enough will to accept the string of events unfolding before his very eyes. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. He thought it could as well be the dilemma he had to face: he can only be in one place at a time. He can either by Tifa's side or Aeris'. He should be by Tifa's side, but the silent cries of his heart demanded for that lingering want that he had been questioning since the day Aeris died. He had been asking the fates, how things could have been. He had been questioning why he wasn't given the chance to know.
Again, he scoffed. He was being given the opportunity today. And what the hell was he trying to do?
Cloud knew he had to come to terms with himself, what he really wants, and what he's afraid of exactly. He had been trying, but his efforts had been meeting utter futility since day one. There's still something else that he's missing. There's still something
Finally pushing the door, he walked in slowly dreading each step as if it would bring him new throbs of ache.
"H-Hi" He forced his mouth to say. That's all he was able to manage he still can't bear addressing her with the name of the one that he had ached for all this time.
Aeris turned to him, her face once more alive with color even though it still reflected some degree of weakness. And as before, he thought he had never seen a lovelier visage.
"Hello" She greeted back. "Thank you for coming."
Feeling awkward, Cloud paced across the room, unsure where to position himself. Aeris just looked at him with the same degree of apprehension. She was still afraid to talk lest another scornful remark spew out of his mouth that might bring her another wave of dejection. She had decided before to simply let him be, as the efforts that she exerted in making him believe her had fallen on stubbornly deaf ears more times than she could tolerate. But then she realized, she may not have much time left.
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He lived a life of nearly endless battles. Though unafraid, there were times when he knew he would inevitably stare at death at its face. Sometimes, the dark enigma thought it only appropriate for a man who lived a kind of life that he did. He had always been fearless, and he never abhorred the idea of meeting a violent end.
Now death was coming for him at blinding speeds. Unable to lift a finger to save himself, he simply locked his eyes at the oncoming harbinger of doom who had taken the form of a mighty creature's talons. He braced himself, determined not to blink at the coming of the end.
A bright flash of light, however, did make him blink. In the flash of a moment, an explosion sent reverberating shockwaves that assaulted his skin and offended his ears. He shut his eyes tight to protect it from the glare of the explosion that saved his life. From a distance, he heard the frantic voices of a cavalry that he didn't expect to come to his aid.
Another explosion rocked the encapsulated paradise, and then another. He turned his surprised look at another pair of warriors coming to the rescue. He smiled while recognizing the burly figure with the gun-arm that replaced his right appendage, and the petit and sprightly ninja girl that ran by his side.
Her auburn hair undulated with the motion that unleashed the deadly Conformer on a blitzkrieg assault towards the Jade Weapon. The creature reeled from the surprise attack, taking another step back that allowed the gunslinger to escape. Maintaining the pressure of their siege, the hefty gladiator with an offensive language fired round after round from his powerful Missing Score to keep the flailing nihilist at bay while his raven-haired comrade used a Megalixir to replenish his strength and that of the severely weakened lion-beast. Shaking his maned head vigorously, the proud warrior waved his lighted tail as he assessed the situation, taking note of his newly arrived comrades who were still pressing on their attacks. He then wasted no time in bellowing them a loud warning, after which he unloaded an Ultima salvo to further disorient the Jade Weapon.
It was time to end this, decided the former leader of Avalanche. He double-checked the materia armed in his weapon, making sure that the scarlet orb he secretly took from his spiky-haired colleague's safe box was securely in place. He then concentrated to unleash the Thirteen Warriors.
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Aeris was subsequently relieved when Cloud opted to break the silence this time.
"So Elmyra said you wanted to talk to me about something."
She can't help but notice his reservation.
"You still can't bring yourself to call me by my name, huh. But that's alright, you can just call me what you want and be done with it." The Ancient snidely retorted. This time, she didn't feel repentant for her attitude.
It was his turn to regret his actions. "I I'm sorry. I really am. But"
"But you still don't believe me, is that it?"
"No it's not that" Cloud objected, recalling the recent event when it was all but proven for him that the person who claimed to be his lost friend possessed a truthfulness in her claim. He tried to redeem himself, but he didn't know whether to offer words of apology or a statement of excuse. He looked at her once more, and nagged at himself for this persistent doubt and murderous suspicion besetting him.
"Then what?" Aeris came back, her voice ready to break. "Cloud what do I have to do to make you believe me? I NEED you to believe in me."
"But how? How can I possibly believe that someone I saw die with my own eyes can just come back to life like nothing had happened?" He screamed in his mind, wanting desperately to exclaim those very words to Aeris. But again, he failed to find the strength to do so. He was still petrified with a fear whose very nature still escaped him.
"Alright" Aeris uttered decisively. Sitting up from the bed, her hands moved, albeit reluctantly, to the buttons holding her dress together. Cloud looked at her with immense puzzlement as she again began to unbutton her clothing. When she tried to do this two nights ago, he perceived her intention differently, like something that was brought about by sheer desperation.
He still reflected the same attitude now since he had no idea what exactly she wanted to do. At face value, her act seemed like the last thing that was called for under the circumstances. This wasn't the right time for this.
But something told Cloud that there's more to this than meets the eye. He didn't resist when Aeris took his right hand once more and pushed it under her dress. She then inched his fingers upward, slowly and gently.
Cloud froze when he felt a gaping cut along her skin. He looked at Aeris, totally stunned by her revelation. She simply whispered back at him.
"That's where the blade came out."
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The Weapon started wailing in unexpected pain after being struck by the first of the mighty Knights conjured by the most powerful materia to have existed. The torment then continued, as eleven others followed suit with their deathly blades, maces, lances, spears and scepters that either sliced malevolently through his otherwise invulnerable flesh or unleashed unimaginable forces of hellfire, ice, and the fury of a vengeful earth. Twelve armor-clad gladiators took their turns in cutting off a piece from the suddenly defenseless creature. Twelve that was completed as the Thirteenth Knight manifested himself in all his grandeur, raising his deadly blade in dark victory before plunging it into the nihilist's tormented form. The essences shattered, bringing forth still more pain in the creature's bosoms.
It still stood, albeit weakly. The girl warrior then followed up, calling forth the same Knights from the Master Summon materia given to her as a token of her spiky-haired friend's gratitude. Horrific screams exploded from the tortured creature as the second wave brought it to the brink of death. Displaying no mercy, the gunslinger used the Mime materia affixed on the Death Penalty to call forth the Thirteen Warriors once more time. They appeared in all majesty, taking heed of the call for assistance and making sure that nothing was left of the monster that wanted nothing but destruction. Magnificent manifestations of untamed power reverberated throughout the immense battlefield as the Knights of the Round accomplished their task efficiently and without delay. Until finally, nothing was left but a sprawled Weapon, his erstwhile smoldering eyes emitting nothing now but tears of mortal anguish as it neared its end.
He trained somber eyes, silently expressing his regret for what they did to the infant destroyer. The lion-beast then turned his attention back to the large fissure in the middle of the battleground. It still emanated deathly howls from a planet overwhelmed by pain. Despite the death of the Jade Weapon, he knew that the danger has not subsided yet. The Lifestream was still bleeding, and it was now up to him to close the wound.
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Cloud felt his hands shake like never before. His burning eyes were already streaming with tears when he looked at Aeris repentantly. He tried to talk, but his throat was clogged with the emotions that eventually brought his quivering body down on its knees. Numb with the flood of regretful anguish, he finally conceded to the persistent voice echoing in his heart.
Somehow, he had always known it was her. From the first moment of seeing Aeris in Tifa's room, his heart felt the irrefutable joy. He didn't realize it before, but he had always believed in her, in the face of joyful tidings that saw the return of the one he had been yearning for.
Then it dawned on him. Cloud felt an anvil fall on his chest as he finally discerned the disease troubling his heart. Though he really believed her, it was really his own heart's calls that he refused to put his faith in. His fear was not born out of doubt or disbelief, but of the ominous possibility of seeing the root of his prolonged torment vanish. For the past year since Aeris died, he had nurtured this pain that won't leave, the pain that he allowed to dwell in his heart. For this same pain was the only link that he had left with her. This was the pain that he held on to in the futile pretense that every throb it carried brought her by his side again. Aeris left him, yes. So he possessed the hurt as if it was Aeris herself.
And he persisted on this until the pain managed to entrench itself deeply into his heart. He had been living with it for the past year and had been so accustomed to it to such degree that its removal would be more torturous than healing. He won't let it leave. He can't. It had been his life.
"Damn you" He agonized. "Why Why have you returned?"
"Cloud" Aeris muttered, her tears likewise flowing freely from her radiant eyes. "I have to. I I have to see you again"
He questioned her words, though only in his mind. But when he felt her hands holding his, all of the questions riddling his being suddenly vanished. For the first time in his year-long, tortured existence, Cloud decided that it was time for all of it to end. He decided to finally do away with the harrowing throes that he had been holding on to.
Aeris had come back, and that's what he had always wanted. It was now time to let go of the pain.
"Aeris I don't ever want to lose you again!" He exclaimed while pulling her to him, holding her tight in his arms.
End of Part Thirteen