Disclaimer- I don't own any of the higher ground Characters. I am not using this for money. Blah Blah blah Blah Blah
Note- This is Shelby's recall. There is also a part where they talk about some other stuff.
NOTE2- the ballet shoes are symbolic. They are the thing Shelby had to remind her of her childhood
during the solo hike
(PS people : hey. I have writer's block on My other higher ground fanfic memories. If anyone knows how I should start part five or include in part 5 or if anyone wants anything particular to happen write it in your review please. I need help!! Thanks)
All the cliffhangers were at lunch. Scott, Ezra, Katherine, and Auggie were on one side of the table while Daisy, Shelby, and Juliet were on the other. They were trying to eat the schools lunch of the day, which was Hot dogs and chips.
"Do you think this even ever had a face?" Daisy said out loud looking disgusted at her hog dog.
"Probably not." Shelby said looking at it again. This was the worst batch of hot dogs they had ever seen at the school before.
Ezra being like he is sniffed the hot dog and then took a big bite. He chewed on it for a while. "Not that bad." he said.
"Yeah if you want to get your stomach pumped. You'll be in the hospital by the end of the day." Daisy said.
"Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse. That's what I always say." Ezra said finishing his hot dog.
To Shelby's surprise Scott took a bite to. He didn't spit it out so then everyone started eating. They ate the hot dogs and amazingly no one died!
Scott waited for Shelby outside of the building after lunch. He saw her coming and grabbed her arm. Shelby looked at him. She was feeling guilty. She had pressured him to talk about his past and he had. Now he was just expecting him to do the same, to talk about it. But she didn't really want to.
They walked to the Cliffhanger's guy's dorm room. That's where Scott brought her. They both sat down on Scott's bed.
"So what did it feel like Shelby?" Scott asked her gently, no pressure at all for her, well not really.
"I don't know?" she said.
"Come on shelby. Think. When he would come into your room at night how did you feel. Like when you were little?"
Shelby thought back. In her mind a picture was coming into play. One that when she had been home flashed in her mind hundreds of times.
It was late December. She was wearing pink flannel pajama's, a top and bottom set. She couldn't have been much more than 10. And her step dad came in. He looked so much bigger than she was. He wasn't wearing a shirt either. When he got to Shelby he took her covers off of her. She got cold almost instantly. 'Come on Kid, don't make a noise, you don't want mommy waking up now do you?' he said as he started slipping down the bottoms of her pajamas. She watched him and felt his hands. She hated that feeling. Soon her pants were off. He would be rubbing her all over.
"At first I liked the attention, he would be nice to me you know. Like I was his littl girl." Shelby said looking at Scott. "I had never been called that or felt like that before. And just to be touched felt good,. But then I started feeling dirty."
It was summer now. She was lying in the backyard on a lawn chair. She was thirteen and beginning to grow. Shelby saw his eyes on her and was becoming antsy. "What are you going to do this time?" she wondered to herself. She wished she hadn't started growing breasts. It made him want her more and she hated it. She hated his hands. She wished she could disappear from the face of the earth just so he couldn't look at her like that.
"Sometimes, I would lie awake at night hoping he wouldn't come in to see me..." she said the picture came back
She was sitting on her bed. Jessica was at a friend's house and her mom was somewhere else. Shelby wished she knew where. She was waiting to go to ballet practice. She loved ballet. It was the only thing that freed her from him. From this house and all the secrets. In her mind she was dancing infront of millions in a theater. Maybe with the Moscow Ballet? She loved the dream until she heard the door open and close. She didn't want to look, she knew it was him. He went to her and she didn't even open her eyes. She just let it happen.
"But he always did. And he's take off my clothes slowly. It was torture. Usually if he was nice he's just take of some little thing. And he'd keep my underwear on and just feel over them. The same thing if I was wearing a bra. He'd just let me keep them on."
Now the little girl was a teenager. The man was getting older and he was touching the girl's chest, squeezing her breasts and kissing her neck. The girl tried to squirm away but it was off no use. He was pinning her down on the bed and at the same time he was taking off her jeans. She tried to scream but she was to scared to. It was part of the deal. If she didn't scream he wouldn't hurt her sister.
"I was scared of him. I had to have sex with him to save Jess. I did anything he wanted me to do. I gave him blowjobs, I let him do anything he wanted to me. Just to save her. Then I ran away from it all. The guys on the street were the same way. They wanted me to do things that he had done with me. I felt so... so dirty Scott. But I had to do it." She said.
"And then the memories kept coming back of being home, of him or all the things he'd done to me. And that's when I did the drugs to. To hide that pain from myself. If you toughen yourself on the streets doing tricks doesn't matter. It just gets you money." Shelby said her voice going from soft to hard to finish the last of the sentence.
"When he was doing it to you, when the guys were doing it to you did you think of it or did you try to picture something else, like something that would make you happy, take you away so you couldn't feel it at all. Before the drugs did it I mean." Scott said in a kind of childish voice.
At first Shelby thought he was joking. But he knew he wasn't. It was a trick of the trade in abuse. Just like hiding bruises and lying, visualizing something else while getting hurt was a skill you acquired.
"I used to think of Ballet. Dancing in front of thousands of people, having them clap for me just because I did something I was good at. Or sometimes a vacation I took with my grandmother. Or one of those little things that always make you feel nice." Shelby said thinking. "What about you?"
"Football, I always thought about football at home, day night I lived, ate, drank, and slept football. Mostly that was it. But sometimes I would think of playing the piano, writing songs in my head." Scott said and then looked at the ground for a minute. "If it was really bad, like I didn't want to do it or she was really into it would think of my mom. Sometimes I would remember the things we did together, but sometimes I would hate her so much."
"Do you ever blame her?" Shelby asked.
"In the beginning and when I came to Horizon I did. I mean she left and I couldn't go with her. Because dad had hurt her so bad going with Elaine. And then I realized if she had known what was happening she would have taken me in. If only I had told." He said.
"Yeah I know." Shelby said as she leaned up against Scott. "If only we would have told."
Scott hugged her and the two knew they were together again.
THE END
Note- This is Shelby's recall. There is also a part where they talk about some other stuff.
NOTE2- the ballet shoes are symbolic. They are the thing Shelby had to remind her of her childhood
during the solo hike
(PS people : hey. I have writer's block on My other higher ground fanfic memories. If anyone knows how I should start part five or include in part 5 or if anyone wants anything particular to happen write it in your review please. I need help!! Thanks)
All the cliffhangers were at lunch. Scott, Ezra, Katherine, and Auggie were on one side of the table while Daisy, Shelby, and Juliet were on the other. They were trying to eat the schools lunch of the day, which was Hot dogs and chips.
"Do you think this even ever had a face?" Daisy said out loud looking disgusted at her hog dog.
"Probably not." Shelby said looking at it again. This was the worst batch of hot dogs they had ever seen at the school before.
Ezra being like he is sniffed the hot dog and then took a big bite. He chewed on it for a while. "Not that bad." he said.
"Yeah if you want to get your stomach pumped. You'll be in the hospital by the end of the day." Daisy said.
"Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse. That's what I always say." Ezra said finishing his hot dog.
To Shelby's surprise Scott took a bite to. He didn't spit it out so then everyone started eating. They ate the hot dogs and amazingly no one died!
Scott waited for Shelby outside of the building after lunch. He saw her coming and grabbed her arm. Shelby looked at him. She was feeling guilty. She had pressured him to talk about his past and he had. Now he was just expecting him to do the same, to talk about it. But she didn't really want to.
They walked to the Cliffhanger's guy's dorm room. That's where Scott brought her. They both sat down on Scott's bed.
"So what did it feel like Shelby?" Scott asked her gently, no pressure at all for her, well not really.
"I don't know?" she said.
"Come on shelby. Think. When he would come into your room at night how did you feel. Like when you were little?"
Shelby thought back. In her mind a picture was coming into play. One that when she had been home flashed in her mind hundreds of times.
It was late December. She was wearing pink flannel pajama's, a top and bottom set. She couldn't have been much more than 10. And her step dad came in. He looked so much bigger than she was. He wasn't wearing a shirt either. When he got to Shelby he took her covers off of her. She got cold almost instantly. 'Come on Kid, don't make a noise, you don't want mommy waking up now do you?' he said as he started slipping down the bottoms of her pajamas. She watched him and felt his hands. She hated that feeling. Soon her pants were off. He would be rubbing her all over.
"At first I liked the attention, he would be nice to me you know. Like I was his littl girl." Shelby said looking at Scott. "I had never been called that or felt like that before. And just to be touched felt good,. But then I started feeling dirty."
It was summer now. She was lying in the backyard on a lawn chair. She was thirteen and beginning to grow. Shelby saw his eyes on her and was becoming antsy. "What are you going to do this time?" she wondered to herself. She wished she hadn't started growing breasts. It made him want her more and she hated it. She hated his hands. She wished she could disappear from the face of the earth just so he couldn't look at her like that.
"Sometimes, I would lie awake at night hoping he wouldn't come in to see me..." she said the picture came back
She was sitting on her bed. Jessica was at a friend's house and her mom was somewhere else. Shelby wished she knew where. She was waiting to go to ballet practice. She loved ballet. It was the only thing that freed her from him. From this house and all the secrets. In her mind she was dancing infront of millions in a theater. Maybe with the Moscow Ballet? She loved the dream until she heard the door open and close. She didn't want to look, she knew it was him. He went to her and she didn't even open her eyes. She just let it happen.
"But he always did. And he's take off my clothes slowly. It was torture. Usually if he was nice he's just take of some little thing. And he'd keep my underwear on and just feel over them. The same thing if I was wearing a bra. He'd just let me keep them on."
Now the little girl was a teenager. The man was getting older and he was touching the girl's chest, squeezing her breasts and kissing her neck. The girl tried to squirm away but it was off no use. He was pinning her down on the bed and at the same time he was taking off her jeans. She tried to scream but she was to scared to. It was part of the deal. If she didn't scream he wouldn't hurt her sister.
"I was scared of him. I had to have sex with him to save Jess. I did anything he wanted me to do. I gave him blowjobs, I let him do anything he wanted to me. Just to save her. Then I ran away from it all. The guys on the street were the same way. They wanted me to do things that he had done with me. I felt so... so dirty Scott. But I had to do it." She said.
"And then the memories kept coming back of being home, of him or all the things he'd done to me. And that's when I did the drugs to. To hide that pain from myself. If you toughen yourself on the streets doing tricks doesn't matter. It just gets you money." Shelby said her voice going from soft to hard to finish the last of the sentence.
"When he was doing it to you, when the guys were doing it to you did you think of it or did you try to picture something else, like something that would make you happy, take you away so you couldn't feel it at all. Before the drugs did it I mean." Scott said in a kind of childish voice.
At first Shelby thought he was joking. But he knew he wasn't. It was a trick of the trade in abuse. Just like hiding bruises and lying, visualizing something else while getting hurt was a skill you acquired.
"I used to think of Ballet. Dancing in front of thousands of people, having them clap for me just because I did something I was good at. Or sometimes a vacation I took with my grandmother. Or one of those little things that always make you feel nice." Shelby said thinking. "What about you?"
"Football, I always thought about football at home, day night I lived, ate, drank, and slept football. Mostly that was it. But sometimes I would think of playing the piano, writing songs in my head." Scott said and then looked at the ground for a minute. "If it was really bad, like I didn't want to do it or she was really into it would think of my mom. Sometimes I would remember the things we did together, but sometimes I would hate her so much."
"Do you ever blame her?" Shelby asked.
"In the beginning and when I came to Horizon I did. I mean she left and I couldn't go with her. Because dad had hurt her so bad going with Elaine. And then I realized if she had known what was happening she would have taken me in. If only I had told." He said.
"Yeah I know." Shelby said as she leaned up against Scott. "If only we would have told."
Scott hugged her and the two knew they were together again.
THE END