By Angela Jade - angela@yavin4.free-online.co.uk
Rating - about PG13, because of one or two naughty words and some implied stuff.
Disclaimer - the Lucas characters belong to Lucas. The bunnies are up for adoption. (I make no money from this.)
Written originally for the Sith_Chicks list at SWC, I have decided to release it to the fanfic writing public in general, in the hope that some of the plot bunnies can find a good home. For the uninitiated, plot bunnies are those ideas that you get in your head, that just won't let go until you write them down and post them here. :-)
The house was quiet. Too quiet. The kids were in bed, husband was watching soccer on the television in the main room; hell, even the cats were asleep somewhere. I sat in my home office in front of the computer - a blank screen signified the dreaded 'writer's block'.
"You could always let us help," squeaked a tiny voice.
My whole body stiffened at the sound. A plot bunny had found its way into my office again, my inner sanctum, the place I felt safest. At least, I used to feel safe here. I'm not so sure now. One by one, these insidious little creatures had found me, whispering plot-lines at me until the only way I could get rid of them was to write about them.
"I don't need a new plot, thank you," I replied, without turning round. "I just need to finish the last one."
"But we're lonely," said a different voice.
"And undeveloped," said a third.
Wait a minute. Three voices?! Something started to make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. Okay, think logically. I knew that if I tried to ignore them, they'd just get more and more persistent, nipping at my heels, hopping all over my bookshelves and desk, and scaring the cats. I had to face them.
Slowly, I swivelled my chair around ... and sucked in a sharp breath! There were hundreds of the little rodents, sitting all over my sofa, my filing cabinet, even my stereo! And sitting right at the front was this bloody great black and red one; I think it was trying to smile, but it just looked like an evil grin.
"Where in all the hells did you lot come from?!" I managed to say when I finally found my voice again.
"Well," said a little one at the back, "you see, a girl bunny and a boy bunny have this special cuddle..."
"Zip it!" I replied, peering closer to see if that really was a braid hanging behind his right ear. "Enough of the sex education. I meant, why are you here?"
A cute little bunny wearing a black vest and with a blaster strapped to its thigh gave a lop-sided smile. "We were just passing."
"And we know you have taken in one or two of our compatriots in the past." This from a small white bunny, its ears curled tightly on each side of its head.
"Yeah, one or two," I replied. "I could never adopt you all. I just don't have the time to give you the attention you need."
Two bunnies, one blond and one red-gold, detached themselves from the crowd, hopping over to my feet. The blond one fiddled with the minuscule lightsaber it held in one paw, before looking up at me with huge blue eyes. "Couldn't you make an exception, just for us. We really want to be in your work."
Awww, how could I resist? I sighed. "Okay, I'll keep you and green-eyes. And a couple of the Obi-bunnies." A bunch of bright orange bunnies sitting along the back of the sofa caught my eye. "And I can probably find something for Rogue Squadron to do, if you don't mind waiting around for a while." The Rogue bunnies chattered happily and hopped forward in a perfect three/four formation. "But the rest of you will have to go find yourselves somewhere else to live. You can't stay here."
The little white one with the curled-up ears hopped forward. "But you have to help us, AJ." Her brown eyes grew wide. "You're our only hope."
I put my head in my hands; they sure knew which buttons to press. Small, cute, and furry won't break my resolve, but give me a line from Star Wars, and I'm putty in your hands. Or paws.
"If I help you find homes with some of my friends, will you stop bugging me?"
A hundred little squeaky voices said "Yes!"
"Okay." How did I get myself into these things? "Well, you'll have to tell me a bit about yourselves, so I can find you a suitable home." I crooked my finger at the big red and black one. "You're a Maul bunny, aren't you."
Red-and-black grinned. "Not quite. I'm his sister. And I REALLY like Jedi." She grinned some more (she was really good at that) and turned her yellow-eyed stare on the quivering Qui and Obi bunnies on the sofa.
I followed her gaze. "And what about you lot?"
The Qui (long-haired) and the Obi (braid behind ear) bunnies whispered amongst themselves. "Well," said one of the Obi bunnies, "some of us would like to be homed together." I noticed then that several of the Qui and Obi bunnies had paired up, holding hands tightly. "And some of us are generals; we'd like to stay in the military."
A Qui bunny stood on his hind legs, making him twice as tall as the Obi bunnies. "I heard tell of a Shmi bunny I once knew. I'd like to meet up with her again."
The Obi bunny next to him also stood up. "I believe I am the father of Camie, but I'm not sure how it happened." The other bunnies sniggered and rolled their eyes.
Another Obi bunny stood, swaying slightly. I could smell the Corellian brandy on his breath from across the room. "I went to pieces after Anakin turned." The shimmering blue Qui bunny behind him patted his shoulder sympathetically.
My attention was drawn to a bunch of dark gray bunnies sitting quietly on top of my filing cabinet. "What are you?"
"We're Imperial Officer bunnies," said one.
I raised an eyebrow (yes, I can do that). "Some details would help."
One of the Imperial bunnies at the front stood carefully and raised its chin. "I am a Tarkin bunny. I wasn't killed on the first Death Star; I escaped and set up home on Corellia. Heavily disguised, I worked my way up through the ranks of CorSec..."
"Enough detail! Thank you."
The Tarkin bunny sat down, glaring at me.
Another bunny side-stepped out from behind the sofa; it was wearing a little Mandalorian helmet and rocket-pack, and I noticed several of the Han bunnies shuffling away from it. "Oooh, here's a shot in the dark - are you a Boba Fett bunny."
The Fett bunny bowed his head slowly in my direction, apparently immune to my sarcasm. "I heard you found a home for the 'sex in an X-wing' bunny. I merely wish to remind you of the small dimensions of Slave I." He may have winked; I couldn't tell.
A huge asthmatic black bunny loped over. "I am a Vader bunny."
"I'd never have guessed," I muttered. "And what's your plot?"
The Vader bunny smiled, his long white teeth showing up beautifully against his black fur. "I get cured."
"Cured?! But you'd still be all bald and scarred and stuff."
"Nope. I get cured of that too. I'm gorgeous." The grin widened. "And after I'm cured, I go out to celebrate." He winked. "With girls."
I regarded the Vader bunny skeptically. "You must be one the most far-fetched bunnies I have ever come across." I sighed. "I'll see what I can do."
A tiny green bunny ran up and sat on my foot. "A home you will find for me also, yes?"
My eyebrows shot up into my hair. "A Yoda plot bunny?! I didn't expect that!"
Suddenly, six ridiculous-looking bunnies leapt out of the cupboard. "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
I put my head in my hands and groaned. "You're Monty Python bunnies. You're not even Star Wars. What are YOU doing here?"
The tallest of the six bunnies funny-walked towards me, swivelled on one foot, and returned to its fellows. "We are cross-over bunnies!" As one, they dived in amongst the Qui and Obi bunnies, laughing and yelling something about hamsters, elderberries and lumberjacks. The Jedi bunnies scattered, trampling one Hutt bunny and at least three stormtrooper bunnies in the process.
"ENOUGH!" I shouted, as loud as I could.
The plot bunnies froze, even the Python ones.
"I will try to find you homes with some of my friends, but only if you behave." I frowned; there seemed to be fewer of the bunnies around the place than five minutes previously. "Where have the other bunnies gone?"
The little Luke bunny still sitting at my feet looked up and smiled. "They're in the cupboard."
I noticed the cupboard door was slightly ajar, and could hear the sounds of squeaky giggling. "I have a bad feeling about this. Why are they in the cupboard?"
The Mara bunny took the Luke bunny's hand. "They're making more plot bunnies, of course."
"NOOOOOOOO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!"
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Okay, StarWarsChicks have first dibs on the above plot bunnies, but there are several still unclaimed, and I would like them adopted BEFORE THEY TAKE OVER MY HOUSE! Please?!?