By Angela Jade - angela@yavin4.free-online.co.uk
Rating - about PG13
Disclaimer - the Lucas characters belong to Lucas. The bunnies are up for adoption. (I make no money from this.)
This is the sequel to 'Attack of the Killer Plot Bunnies'.
Written originally for the Sith_Chicks list at SWC, I have decided to release it to the fanfic writing public in general, in the hope that some of the plot bunnies can find a good home. For the uninitiated, plot bunnies are those ideas that you get in your head, that just won't let go until you write them down and post them here. :-)
It was distinctly possible that I had developed an allergy to bunnies. Plot bunnies, at least. Either that, or they were just plain annoying me. I had no idea how many had taken up residence in my home office, but I was fed up vacuuming up bunny hair, and the little 'raisins' they left all over the carpet were totally disgusting. I asked them why they couldn't live outdoors in a hutch or a warren like ordinary rabbits, but they said they couldn't survive in the outside world, wouldn't last five minutes. On occasion, I have to admit to being tempted to throw them out anyway.
I had found homes for many of the original hundred or so bunnies, mostly with the SithChicks. But they continued to multiply, and more seemed to find a way in from somewhere else. I don't know where they came from - I've searched every inch of the office, and I can see no hidden entrance, no hole nibbled by bunny teeth or scraped by bunny claws. It's probably some weird inter-dimensional thing.
The snap-hiss of a miniature lightsaber made me look up from the computer monitor. "Put it away, Maul. It's not going to happen."
The little black and red bunny at the front of the crowd of Sith bunnies grumbled loudly as he deactivated his double-ender. "But he called me 'horny'!"
I rolled my eyes before I looked over at him as he continued glowering at the Obi bunny in front of him. "You have horns, Maulie. Ipso facto, you are 'horny'."
He continued grumbling, even as he shouldered his way past a posse of Vader bunnies. Now that the excitement was over, the sound of dozens of plot bunnies chattering at once threatened to deafen me once more.
I HAD to find homes for them, before they drove me totally insane!
"Quiet, please!"
The squeaks and giggles stopped at the sound of my voice and dozens and dozens of pairs of little eyes turned towards me.
"Okay," I said, once I had their attention. "We're gonna keep trying with the SithChicks, but I'm also going to try further afield to find homes for you all. There are hundreds of fanfic writers out there who must be able to take in one or two of you." And give me a bit of peace and quiet to finish my own fics, I muttered to myself.
I looked down to see a little green Yoda bunny tugging on the leg of my jeans. It was the same bunny that had shown up on that first, fateful night. "A home I need."
Once you got used to the slightly squashed face, he was kinda cute. "Remind me again what your plot is," I asked.
He smiled. "In a funny way I talk."
"That's not very original," I said, frowning at him. "All the Yoda bunnies talk funny."
"I keep breaking out into Fozzie Bear." He winked. "Wakka, wakka!"
"Fozzie Bear?"
"Yup."
I sighed. "I'll write it down. You never know."
The little green bunny hopped back to the home he'd made on the window-sill, scowling at the Sith bunnies as he passed them.
One of the Boba Fett bunnies sidled out from behind the book-case. "I, too, would like a home."
"Very well." I turned back to the computer screen where I had started a spreadsheet of plot bunny characteristics. "What's your plot?"
"My daughter is getting married."
"You have a daughter?"
The little helmeted bunny nodded and pointed to another Fett bunny lurking by the wastepaper basket. "He's responsible."
"So, what's your plot?"
The helmet seemed to regard me for a long moment. "Well, you tell me where I can get a set of formal Mandalorian armor."
Silence. Deadly silence. Fett turned round to regard the other bunnies watching him curiously. "What?" The tone of his voice made several of the Han bunnies shift from foot to foot uncomfortably.
The horrible blobby thing in the corner that I had recently identified as a Hutt bunny spoke up. "That is the most pathetic plot I have heard in a long, long time, Fett."
I ran my hand over my eyes. "I'm sure someone will be able to adopt you," I said, trying to sound reassuring.
He didn't look very reassured. Although with that helmet, it was difficult to tell.
It was about then I noticed that a tall, black bunny was sitting amongst the Qui and Obi bunnies. Beckoning him forward, I asked, "Are you a Vader bunny?" It seemed unlikely, as the Vader bunnies and the Jedi bunnies didn't get on too well.
The black bunny stood on his hind legs and regarded me with dark blue eyes. "No. I am a Ganner Rhysode bunny."
Ganner Rhysode? "Tall, sexy, NJO Jedi bunny?"
He posted his fists on his hips and grinned. "That's me!"
I started typing his details into the computer. "I'm not sure many people will know who you are, but we'll give it a try."
He bowed. "Thank you."
A short, wrinkly black bunny with horrible yellow eyes shuffled towards me; I noticed the Jedi bunnies giving it a wide berth. "I am a Palpatine bunny."
I screwed up my nose. "You could do with a bath."
The Palpy bunny glared malevolently at me, and I had to keep reminding myself they couldn't actually kill me. At least, they hadn't so far. "I have a plot."
"You do?"
"Yes. I have twenty useful things you can do with dark-side Force lightning."
"Good plot," I replied, hastily typing. I really wanted rid of this one before he tried out his zapping skills on me.
A slightly graying bunny with piercing blue eyes hopped down from a pile of Star Wars books stacked in a corner of the room. "I am a Chancellor Valorum bunny."
This was a new one me. "Fire away," I said, my fingers poised over the keyboard.
"Umm, it's a bit delicate."
I regarded the Valorum bunny in a new light. "It is? Okay, whisper it."
The little gray bunny hopped up onto my desk and leaned forward, his whiskers tickling my ear as he whispered his plot. "I go for a massage to relieve the stresses of high office."
He sat beside the printer, his blue eyes meeting mine for several seconds as I digested the implications of what he had said. Finally I smiled and stroked his soft fur. "Don't you worry. I can think of several friends who I'm sure would love to give you a home." SithChicks, SithChicks, SithChicks.
He smiled happily and hopped back to his book stack.
"Right." I stretched my fingers out in front of me. "Who else have we got?"
"There's always us."
I looked down at the bottom shelf of my computer desk; I had cleared the shelf and it was now slowly filling up with little Luke and Mara bunnies. "No. You just stay right where you are and keep working on your plots. I've got a big sequel to write and I'm going to need all the help I can get." (I mean it - none of these bunnies are up for adoption. Get your own!)
The blond, blue-eyed bunny who had spoken gave me a sweet smile. "Okay."
"I need a home." The speaker was a gorgeous chocolate brown bunny with beautiful white teeth. "I'm a Lando bunny and I have a problem."
"Which is?" I prompted.
"My winning smile." I have no idea how he managed to talk and grin at the same time.
"Your winning smile is a problem?"
"Yes."
I was intrigued. "How?"
"It is a lethal weapon."
I put my head in my hands and groaned. "Tell me you're making it up."
"Nope. That's my plot."
I looked up to see him still grinning like an idiot. "And you expect me to find someone who will write about that."
"Yes, please."
I shook my head as I typed, cursing once more whatever warped deity had sent these mad rodents my way. "Okay, one more then I'll email the girls."
A dark brown bunny hopped out from the middle of the Jedi bunnies on the sofa, his front paws carefully steepled together.
"You're a Mace bunny?"
"That is correct."
I typed 'Mace Windu' into the 'character' field on the computer. "Plot?"
"I had a slight accident. With some super-bond-it glue." He tried to tug his hands apart, but they remained firmly stuck together.
The poor thing! "That is not funny."
He grinned wryly at me. "The Padawans at the Temple seem to think it is."
Several of the Obi bunnies started giggling and were immediately smacked upside the head by the Qui bunnies.
I patted the Mace bunny sympathetically. "I'm sure there is someone out there who can help you." He nodded slowly then hopped his way back towards the sofa, his paws still stuck together.
I copied the spreadsheet into an email and got ready to send it to as many people as I could think of. There were still a helluva lot of bunnies needing adopted, and the sooner I started, the better.
*snap-hiss*
Oh, for the love of the Sith. "WILL YOU LOT STOP FIGHTING!!" I looked up to see the same Maul bunny twirling his double-lightsaber. "What is it now?"
"He said I was only half a man."
I sobbed as I hit the 'send' button.
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Thanks for all the feedback on part one - I hope you're all writing like mad now! Please feel free to adopt some of the bunnies mentioned here, even if you want to use the plots for different characters, etc. I have waaaay too many silly ideas buzzing round my brain, and if someone else writes about them, maybe I can get on with some of my own work!
Part three will follow. :-)