Copyright 2000
Chapter 6
"Okay! The rest of you guys ready, ready, READY?" Laurel smiled at them in her brand-new leotard.
"Do you think she's a cheerleader where she comes from?" Cassie whispered to Rachel.
"Too peppy. They'd probably kick her off."
They smiled.
"You know, I really, really, really feel like an idiot."
Laurel jumped up and down. "Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see."
Marco rapped quickly on the stall door. "Does she always say everything three times?"
"Not unless she's really excited," Hardy answered.
Tobias shook his head. How had he ended up here with these people again?
"And how come," Jake asked, "I'm always the one who has to watch over everyone else?"
Hardy walked out of the dressing stall in skintight biking shorts and a T-shirt that was too small.
Marco wiped his eyes. "He's growing up so fast."
~_________~
Ms. Applegate woke up. "They're gone," she said in relief. She looked at her laptop and then grinned evilly. "This ought to show them." She started typing. "I'll get you yet, my pretties," she cackled. "And your little paychecks, too."
~_________~
Okay. We're here. Now what? Tobias asked.
"I don't know," Jake said with a shrug.
What do you mean you don't know?
"What? Just because I'm the leader doesn't mean that I have to do everything around here."
"Save the tooth fairy. Save the tooth fairy. Save the tooth fairy." Laurel jumped up and down.
Tobias shook his head. Why was he here? And with these people?
Look! Ax exclaimed. There's Visser Three!
"Okay. Let's split up," Jake said. "Hardy, you get the tooth fairy. Laurel, you go jump off a cliff. The rest of us will take care of Visser Three."
They all nodded obediently and went to their jobs.
Hardy found the cage the tooth fairy was in. "Hi. I'm Hardy."
"Hello. I'm the tooth fairy. Could you let me out of this cage?"
Hardy reached for the keys and stuck them into the lock. "Hold on." Why was he doing this? Oh, yeah. "Say please," he told her.
"Please?" she asked sweetly.
Hardy nodded and turned the key halfway. "Wait a minute. Why should I let you out? You didn't pay me for that tooth."
The tooth fairy laughed nervously. "What are you talking about? Of course I paid you. Now just let me out of here. Please."
"No, no. I remember. It was my front tooth. My second one. I kept it under my pillow for a week, and you never came to get it." He started to take the key out.
"No! NO!" the tooth fairy shouted. "I'll pay you for it, I promise. I'll even pay you three times as much!"
"Twenty times."
"That's too much!"
"You only gave me fifty cents a tooth!"
"Fine. Five times."
"Fifteen."
"Ten."
"Fourteen."
"Twelve."
"Fourteen."
"Thirteen."
"Thirteen and a half."
"Done. Can't even make a few lousy bucks with this job," she muttered.
Hardy unlocked the cage and the tooth fairy flew out. "Thanks, sucker." She disappeared.
Hardy ran and found the others.
"Hey. Hey. Hey. Big brother. Big brother. Big brother. We haven't been able to reach the Visser yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
Hardy rolled his eyes. "I have an idea. HEY VISSER THREE!!" he shouted.
The others started moving away from him.
Who dares call me Visser Three? I am Disser One!
"Disser One?" Rachel cried out and started laughing.
Disser One started walking towards them. Yeah. You got a problem with that? A blond, huh? I bet you can't call 9-1-1 because you can never find the eleven on the phone!
"Ooooohhhh," a bunch of Controllers murmured.
Rachel frowned and stood up. "Oh yeah? Dumb blond jokes. That. Is. Lame. What are you going to do next? Tell me that I can't choose out a fashionable outfit? That I'm ugly?" She turned around and modeled off her clothes. Several Controller oohed and ahhed and took pictures while they applauded.
Well, actually. Yes.
Rachel's eyes started to water and she ran away from the Yeerk pool.
"Booooooo," a bunch of Controllers hissed.
Cassie looked up at the ceiling. "How are you going to get us out of this one?"
A pen formed and started writing on the wall. OOPS. I DON'T KNOW.
"You don't know? You don't know? What kind of fanfic writer are you?" Cassie screeched. She threw off her pin.
Ax started advancing towards Disser One. Accidentally, his tail moved too much and he hacked Cassie's head off as he walked by. Oops.He looked to Prince Jake.
Jake shrugged. "She wasn't going to loose sleep over me..." he explained.
The pen started writing HA HA HA.
Marco decided to try his hand. "You're so fat, you- you- you..." He tried to think of something to say.
Disser One started laughing. See what I mean? I am the best Disser in the universe!
Marco hung his head and walked away.
Laurel started squealing, "I have to jump off a cliff. I have to jump off a cliff. I have to jump off a cliff," and went off after him.
Jake shrugged. "Um. Okay. So. You're so dumb, you think... Pro ball is better than college."
You're so dumb, you don't know why you do all the time in fanfics. I always live, he said proudly.
Jake fell to the ground and sobbed. "It's true! It's true!" he cried and crawled towards the exit.
Next, Disser One and Tobias had a staring game.
Look at that nice mouse over there.
Gee, that patch of grass behind you looks awfully good.
Disser One looked with one of his eye stalks. Yes, it does. Want some?
Tobias straightened. You'd do that?
Certainly. But I think you'd much rather prefer that nice fat mouse behind you.
You wouldn't lie to me, would you?
Of course not. I offered you my grass, after all.
Tobias thought, still staring at the Disser. How big? he asked cautiously.
I'm not an expert. You might want to look for yourself.
Okay. Tobias looked behind him. Hey! I don't see any mouse!
You forgot to call time out! the Disser laughed.
Tobias flew away slowly.
"My turn," Hardy said. "You're such a pale shade of blue, you make your mother sick."
The Disser reared. Oh? You have so many freckles, you look like a leopard.
"That's an insult? That's your comeback? That?" Hardy laughed.
What's wrong with it?
"It's lame!"
"Ooooohhhhh..." the Controllers muttered.
Oh. Well. You're so ugly, you look worse than Mini-Me in Austin Powers.
"Oh yeah? You're so ugly, the last time you got a date was the time you cut one out of a calendar."
Well, You're so- Hey, how did you know that?
Hardy tapped his head with his index finger. "The great Hardy knows all."
They stared at each other for a long time.
Why don't I just kill you right now? Disser One asked.
"You won't kill me."
Yes, I will.
"No, you won't."
Will.
"Won't."
Will.
"Won't times a hundred."
Will times a thousand.
"Won't times a hundred thousand."
Will times infinity. And beyond.
"Won't times one more than you'll ever have."
Everyone present applauded.
Fine! Get OUT! The Disser screamed. The HBO channel couldn't see this. They'd cancel his time slot!
"I'm the greatest Disser in all the Universe!" Hardy shouted. Everyone applauded more. "Not only that," Hardy added, now dressed like Jack from Titanic. "I'm the king of the WORLD!!!!"
Chapter 7
Laurel sat on a bale of hay, wrapped completely in bandages.
Cassie was rubbing her neck with glue and trying to stick her head on right.
Jake sat on the ground, muttering, "It's true. It's true." as he rocked back and forth.
Marco sat staring silently at a wall. "If only I'd practiced more," he said. "Or maybe if I were a faster thinker. Or-"
Rachel was crying softly. "Do I look that bad? Do I really look that bad?"
Tobias nodded. He'd never eat a mouse again. He looked around. Why was he here with these people?
Ax looked at his tail. Why does it move so much? he wondered. Why does it move at all? He started swinging it around. In the process, he accidentally cut off his head and upper body.
Nobody noticed.
Hardy walked in. "I'm the greatest Disser in the Universe!" he shouted happily.
"Hardy's the greatest Disser in the Universe! Hardy's the greatest Disser in the Universe! Hardy's the greatest Disser in the Universe!" Laurel chanted.
"SHUT UP!" everyone told her.
Suddenly, the pen appeared out of thin air again, writing on a wall. "I have an idea. Put her in the straight jacket (gag included) and then bury her under the hay."
Hardy yelled triumphantly as he put Laurel in the straight jacket and gag that had appeared out of thin air and covered her with hay until no one could see her anymore. Everyone cheered. So did I. No more cousin!