Disclaimer: Another fanfic, another long, sarcastic disclaimer. I can just hear the cheers of joy (sarcasm). The only characters who belong to me are Kimberly Shanice Real, the ghost, the doctor and the two nurses. Oh, and the avianine (a.k.a the puppy with wings). The school belongs to me too. Most importantly, I own the storyline. Hooray. But let's face it folks, why would you want to steal this story? It's long, bad and not good! It's not too late! Go read Benjamin T. Kitsune, or another fantastic writer on the Banjo-Kazooie genre of Fanfiction.net. But remember, kids:
"Abandon Hope All Ye Who Read This"
~Prologue~
Time: A year before Banjo-Tooie
Place: Spiral Mountain.
Tooty sighed as the first specks of snow appeared on the window. It wasn't that she didn't like the snow. In fact, she loved it. But it also gave her lazy bigger brother, Banjo, an excuse to sleep all winter. Hibernation was the long, tedious process that she had watched winter after winter, and her only companion was the red-crested breegull sitting restlessly in the blue backpack. Apparently, she didn't like the winter either. Banjo being her only source of entertainment since the television had broken down, she'd be bored, not to mention a bit cranky. Not that she wasn't always "a bit cranky", that is. Days turned into weeks and still the winter held up. Sometimes, the only thing to do was to observe Banjo as his body temperature dropped, as is the case in hibernation, and listen to his snores day in day out. Nothing would happen until Banjo awoke; somehow, Banjo and Kazooie together in any situation always brought.... um.... a new experience! How right the little bear was...
PART 1: A bear named Kimberly Shanice Real
Kazooie ticked off another day on the calendar. Only a month more to go until spring at last, and the few hours Banjo was a conscious being were growing slightly longer. And just when things were going fine....
".... Yeah, Bob, it's been some time since we've seen weather like this! A blizzard this serious so close to the beginning of spring with no warning whatsoever! We're asking residents to stay indoors, this looks like it could get serious."
Kazooie groaned. "If that $%^#&#$ blizzard doesn't go away, I'm gonna SERIOUSLY hurt someone!" Tooty moved away somewhat. An angry breegull was something she tended to avoid, especially when the only other witness was sleeping. What happened next came without warning. A huge explosion came from all around them, awakening Banjo.
"Huh? What happened? I was just dreaming about-"
"No time for dreaming, Banjo! Something just happened!" screeched the breegull from the backpack.
"Keep your feathers on!" shouted Banjo, racing towards the door. Tooty came up to him.
"Can I come too, Banjo?" she pleaded, "Pleeease?"
"It's too dangerous, Tooty!" And with that, the dynamic duo left the house, leaving a bored-out-of-brains Tooty. Why did THEY always get to do the exciting things, anyway?
**************************
"It came from over there!"
"Over where? All I see is- hey! Look!" shouted Kazooie. Banjo stared out in front of him. It seemed like a huge pile of scrap metal piled up in a heap. It almost seemed to him that he heard something.... or someone.
"Kazooie, I think somebody's in there!"
"What are you, half-asleep?! Anybody in there would be mush by now- kinda like your brains!" The bear ignored her. Underneath the metal, he thought he saw a beautiful set of huge, blue eyes looking back at him... and they were very much alive.
"Help me... someone... please... I'm cold..." Kazooie stared.
"You're lucky!" she exclaimed in amazement. Banjo again ignored her, and proceeded to lift the metal off of her carefully, Kazooie itching to beak-bust the metal, but well aware that if this wasn't done carefully, the bear would be crushed under all the metal. As the last piece was lifted up, they both got another surprise- she was well intact! Except for a sprained ankle, she seemed fine. Banjo gaped.
"How did- But- You were crushed!"
"As your friend said, I was lucky. Thank-you, so much... I thought I was going to die...." Limping towards Banjo, she gave him a firm hug. "Thank you... oh thank you so much."
Banjo looked a bit uncomfortable. "Um... let's go back to my house before we freeze, um..."
"Kimberly. Kimberly Shanice Real... But my friends call me Kim Shaney." Kazooie let out a snicker. "Kim Shaney? As in 'The Real Kim Shaney?'"
The bear look at her smiling, but in a strange light.
"That's Slim Shady, Ma'am." She turned to Banjo. "And who are you?"
"Um... I'm Banjo, and this here's Kazooie."
"Oh. Your wife?" If Banjo had turned any redder, Kazooie would have thought she was had met a cousin.
"Not in this universe!" Kazooie shouted.
"So... you're his girlfriend?"
"Do I LOOK like his girlfriend to you?!"
"Um... um.. uhuh," stuttered Banjo. Kazooie nearly bored through his head with her beak. "I mean, um... no!"
"@#$%!^!%!^@!!$!!!" commented Kazooie. Banjo was carrying the bear all this time, until eventually, they arrived at Banjo's year-round home. At that time, Tooty was eagerly awaiting them.
"Who's this, Banjo?"
"Um... th-th-this is-"
"That's Slim Shady over there, and that-" Kazooie pointed to Banjo "-is a brain on drugs!" Tooty looked a bit confused. Finally, the bear explained. "Hello! I'm Kim Shaney Real. And who are you?"
"I'm Tooty!" smiled Tooty.
"Tooty.. That's a wonderful name, isn't it, Banjo?" Banjo only nodded dimly, leaving Kazooie a bit pissed at his spaced out behaviour. Finally, the bear reached over and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "Thanks again for saving my life," she smiled. Banjo flushed as if he were going to turn into a yumblie. Oh brother, thought Kazooie. Banjo nodded again and looked around for something to put on her swollen ankle. "You're a nice person... Banjo. I'll never forget you." Kazooie rolled her eyes. It was quite obvious that he was in love, and all this romance was making her feel sick. Tooty, on the other hand, was absorbing every single detail with great interest. The red breegull, however, sighed. If there was one thing worse than being stuck inside with a blizzard outside, it was being stuck inside with THOSE two. Maybe they would stop making goo-goo eyes at each other if she could wait them out...
Banjo watched her. Hey eyes were beautiful, he realized. Then, he shook his head. Things were going way too fast for him. He had known her for about... one hour, and he was already falling fast. If he wasn't careful, she could run off with his heart; he could already see it coming...
*************************************
It was night-time. There should have been no noise, thought Kazooie irritably. Yet the sound of soft whispers reached her ears. "... Yes, I know. But... I can't do it so soon," whispered Banjo.
"I think it's time, Banjo."
"But... but it's so... I mean, shouldn't we wait?"
"Wait... You have to take it off sooner or later. Why not now?" Kazooie shuddered a bit.
"Go back to sleep, Kaz.... go back to... no way!" Kazooie whispered to herself. Stepping out of the backpack, she slowly walked towards the scene taking place in the kitchen. "What the heck are you-" then, she stopped. Banjo was inspecting Kim Shaney's bandages, and her ankle at this point looked like a basketball.
"Oh, hello, Kazooie. Did we wake you?" said "Ms Perfect Wannabe".
Kazooie just scoffed. "Where's the #@%^@!$!@# coffee?!"
Banjo raised an eyebrow. "But Kazooie, it's one in the morning! Besides, you don't drink coffee."
"C'mon, Kazooie. Coffee is bad for you- I can make some tea if you want." Kazooie gave Kim a nasty look. "No way, and you just... keep away from Banjo, got it?" Kazooie then retreated to the backpack. Kim looked stricken. "What is wrong with her, Banjo?"
"It's one in the morning... maybe she's just cranky." Kim Shaney shrugged, and again began arguing with Banjo about taking of her bandage.
********************************
Kazooie activated the wonderwing with a flourish the next day. If they were going to be good enough for Banjo-Tooie, they had to practise their moves(Kazooie only needed a small bribe; that's an improvement). Finally, she pecked Banjo's head. "Hey, Fuzzbreath! I need a drink," she said, then hopped out of the backpack and headed towards the kitchen.
Meanwhile, Kim was cutting limes to make lemonade. No reason, she just felt a bit bored. It was at that exact time that she realized that she coaxed Banjo into removing the bandage a bit too soon. Her leg buckled underneath her, and in a wild grab, her hand hit the knife on the counter. This caused it to catapult into the livingroom at deadly speed. Terrified, Kim limped out into the livingroom, where Kazooie had her wings crossed in front of her face.
Kazooie had been just about to enter the kitchen when a sharp knife hurtled directly at her face! It was only fortunate that she still had one golden feather. Activating wonderwing, she deflected the knife towards the ceiling where it buried itself in the wood.
"Are you ok, Kazooie? Are you hurt?" Kazooie could only stand there, wide-eyed.
"You tried to murder me!" Kazooie screeched accusingly at her.
"I didn't... it was an accident!"
"Murderer! Killer!" Kazooie shouted at her. Kim approached her, a bit sorrowful. "What do you have against me?"
"Other than the fact that you tried to kill me? Oh, nothing." Banjo finally reached the room, having heard the noise. "What's wrong, Kazooie?"
"Your 'friend' just tried to kill me!" screeched Kazooie.
Banjo looked up at the ceiling. "Um... maybe it was an accident. Why would she want to kill you?" Kazooie glared at Kim, then went into the kitchen, mumbling some... um... "indecent language". Kim sighed.
"Banjo, I don't think she likes me."
"Well... Kazooie's just crankier than usual this winter. Maybe I can-"
"No... she has a point. I just came into your house like this. Maybe I should leave-"
"No! Kazooie needs to get along with people!" Kim nodded and left to find Kazooie.
Kazooie glared at Kim as she came into the room. Kim swallowed, then began "I'm sorry we got off on the wrong paw, Kazooie." Kazooie only continued to glare at her. "Well... um... we need to talk."
"About what, Eminerd? My funeral?"
"I need to ask you something. Are you jealous of me?"
"For what? Your non-existent good looks?"
Kim looked into Kazooie's face. "I mean... you know... him."
"Him who? Cough it out, already!"
"Banjo."
Kazooie made a face. "You wish!"
"I just thought... you'd want to take your relationship to another level."
"Look, he's a great friend and all, but I don't- hey, stop changing the subject! You tried to kill me! What, are YOU jealous?"
The bear smiled. "He is sweet... But I wouldn't kill for him." Kazooie scoffed. "And I suppose impaling me with a kitchen knife wouldn't?"
Kim's face turned angry. "That was an accident! I would never-"
"Yeah, right. Save it for when you sweet-talk Banjo," Kazooie threw back. Kim's eyes were on the verge of tears. But the harsh breegull wasn't finished. "What I'm trying to say is, get the heck outta here!" Kim wiped her eyes and swallowed. "If... if that's how you feel-"
"And it is!"
"I'll... I'll leave as soon as the blizzard is over," and she left the room, confused as to what the breegull had against her. Kazooie watched the girl until she left, feeling little if any remorse.
***********************************
Banjo watched Kim for some time. Her face was contorted with worry, and her entire body shook with unhappiness. "What's wrong, Kim?"
"Um... nothing."
"Kazooie again?" Kim looked down at his question. "I don't know what's wrong with Kazooie right now. She's never acted this mean before."
"I... Have... um, nevermind."
"What? What is it?"
"I won't say it. It's not right of me to say that."
"What is it?" Banjo was burning with curiousity. "What do you want to say?"
"If you want to know... Have you ever thought that she might have a crush on you?" His eyes widened.
"Kazooie? On ME? That's impossible."
"That's what I thought." Kim smiled, feeling a bit better. "I need to know this... what do you think of me?" Banjo turned slightly red.
"Um... well, um... you're beautiful, nice... um... um..." He blushed even redder. "And you're... um..." Kim moved a bit closer to him, turning a bit red herself. Banjo, in the meanwhile, continued to stutter. "You're... you're...."
He was aware of an arm being place on his shoulder. The hand move up around his neck, and suddenly, Kim's mouth was over his. Banjo stiffened under her, and unsurely, put an arm around her as well.
In the next room, Kazooie was finally beginning to cool herself and think about the situation. She needed to talk to Banjo. Maybe talk some sense into him as well. Tooty was hibernating somewhere in the room- she hadn't slept all winter. Passing the sleeping bearcub, Kazooie went out into the living room- to find Kim and Banjo totally encompassed in a VERY... how to say... passionate position. Kazooie stood watching them in a fit of shock as the scene took place. Then, she walked in, looking more than angry and said,"How does kissing a slimebag feel, Banjo?" The two pulled away from each other, giving Kazooie an embarrassed stare. "Next time you want to make out in the living room, wait till I'm dead first!" Kim was about to speak, but thought better of it. Besides that, the stream of um.... "words" from Kazooie caused the plants to wilt, and Banjo to draw back in a cross between shock and nerves. Needless to say, Kimberly and Banjo avoided Kazooie for the rest of the day.
******************************