The Answer Is Out There Ch. 12
Disclaimer: Three words: THEY'RE NOT MINE!!!!! Add to that I SWEAR!!! And I think we have a deal, right?
"So, you're sure your license is up to date and all, right? Right?" Mulder climbed into the backseat of the classic black car, taking the seat directly behind the passenger's seat, which Neo currently occupied. Morpheus had the car on the road without much more than a smile at that remark. Neo covered a snicker. Mulder relaxed against his seat. Somehow, he'd figured this to-do would be a lot more unnerving. Instead, he found himself rather enjoying this little excursion. It was his first back into the Matrix, and Mulder couldn't help but find it almost quaint.
This had been his world once, the world that was now so distant, so obviously false to his trained eyes. At times, he imagined himself savvy enough to see the pixilated edges that screamed computer-generated, such as could be seen when one used a computer within the Matrix. Don't be an ass, Mulder. He could almost hear Scully's voice. Yes, thinking he could do that was rather egotistical. And yet…the man who could? Down to earth in all the ways that Mulder had ever been out in space.
Speaking of the One…Mulder leaned closer to Neo's shoulder; the movement in the corner of his eye attracting Neo's gaze toward Mulder.
"Something bothering you, Mulder?" Neo appeared semi-serious. Mulder decided to sit on the question he'd been about to ask. The look beneath Neo's face was…indescribable. Concentration, low-level anxiety, and some other nameless attribute floated underneath the pale nothingness that was the lack of expression on his face. Mulder was the master at the nothing look, so no emotion was missed
"Yeah, you guys mind at all if I play at radio master?" Without even hesitating in case of dissenting opinion, Mulder reached over the break in the seats and flipped the switch to ON. A plethora of static threatened to drown out the threads of a Spanish music channel, inviting Mulder to rescue the station. Neo watched him with a smirk, Morpheus with a hearty chuckle.
"Sit back, Mulder. Trust me when I say the last thing we want is to be pulled over for this horseplay. Sit!" Neo choked over his laughter as Mulder tried to sing along in broken Spanish. Neo killed the radio, and Mulder sat back with a pout.
"Hey, sorry chief. Just trying to kill the time."
"I wouldn't worry about it, Mul…" Neo didn't finish his words.
"We're here," Morpheus interjected. Mulder snapped to attention, as did, he noticed, Neo. For one brief moment, if it were possible, Mulder would have guessed that Neo paled three shades whiter. Didn't he know where we were going? Of course he did. He'd been there before at least once, according to the story Mulder had been told.
He's afraid. No, not afraid. Cautious. Yes, cautious was the word. Perhaps even a little angry. About what? Mulder wanted to kick his own ass at that stupid question. He knew what about. If someone had told you it was your life or your friend's, put all this responsibility on you, and willfully mislead you, how would you feel? A bitter rage bubbled out of his gut as the memories of times past resurfaced, memories of his constant sacrifice and endangerment under the long arm of the Secret Government. He knew what Neo felt, maybe not in the same way, but definitely to the same degree
"Mulder, Neo is going to take you up." Mulder never knew if Neo's shock registered as much as his own. Neo was going to take him up? From all he'd understood, that was reserved for Morpheus alone. Stall, stall him until I'm recovered.
"What about Scully?" Neo recovered ahead of Mulder and answered.
"She's in the car behind us."
"What ca…" Mulder cut himself off as he saw in the rear-view mirror the second car pull in behind them. Scully emerged from the passenger's side door, and Trinity was faintly recognizable behind the wheel. With only one more look at Morpheus for confirmation, Neo nodded, accepting this task, this order, without a word of complaint or protest and exited the car. Mulder watched him for a second, and then joined him outside.
"Fox?" Mulder spun at that call. Scully smiled, placing a finger against her lips. "Fox, he's going to take us up." Mulder's eyebrows peaked in the center of his forehead in a puzzled gaze. Neo shrugged and nodded, indicating for them to follow.
"Hope I remember which floor," he muttered as he put some distance between himself and the two former FBI agents. Scully fell into step with Mulder. The desire for revenge was too great.
"So, Dana, when did you figure that out? Neo looked pretty damn unprepared…Dana." Scully smiled, looking for all the world as if she wanted to smack him.
"Trinity said it would be safer, just in case, to call you that. I think she was just trying to spook me after all that guff I gave her." Mulder's face held the question that only Scully knew to answer. "About coming in at this time." Mulder nodded in assent, but Scully continued, only too happy to have an ear that would listen to her sound medical advice. "She's about a week or two away at most! There are no documents that say how this trip could affect her or the baby, but would she listen to the 'better-safe-than-sorry' rule? Noooooo," Scully came to the point of frustration, throwing up her hands as they reached the door Neo was holding open. A peculiar smirk on his lips let her know he had heard the whole episode. Mulder walked right in, but Neo grabbed Scully gently by the elbow to stop her for a second.
"Scully, I should think that if I knew better than to try and talk Trinity out of anything, you should have known better." The accusatory and playful smirk that Mulder was sure Neo had on could not be seen from his angle, though its existence was confirmed by a "humph!" noise from Scully. Mulder covered his grin before either one had a chance to see it.
"Good to see you again, young man." Neo's smile grew unsteady, faltering without completely disappearing from his lips at the greeting. He nodded, mumbled a 'thanks' and one 'nice to see you, too' to the blind man sitting on the lobby bench. At least Mulder had thought he was blind. Good to see you again…maybe not… Mulder did not stop to examine, but he was reasonably sure that the man was, in fact, blind.
Neo made no motion to arrest their progression either, pushing ahead as ever to the elevator. Mulder followed him; Scully tailed Mulder. Mulder absorbed all the details, taking in the scrawled spray paint messages, the cracked paint, and the little orange-lighted circle that lit up when Neo pressed the elevator button. They want this place to look more decrepit on the outside than it really is on the inside…most likely for protection. Mulder couldn't help analyzing; it's what he'd always done for a living, for the past thirty years, before the Bureau, even. Sometimes he out-analyzed Scully, though the odds of that happening were only about twenty-ninety.
"What will she say?" Mulder hadn't realized Scully had been talking, trying to pry more information out of Neo. Not too successfully, I see. Neo was smiling, an enigmatic smile that Mulder had observed to be a common gesture among the crew when they were following through on orders.
"She usually says something different to everyone who sees her, as has been my experience. That's what makes us unique." Neo's smile was infectious, and Mulder had to fight the urge to wear one of his own. Scully noticed this, however, and Mulder earned an elbow to the ribs for it.
"What?" He held onto innocence as best he could.
"You know what." That said, Scully returned to her interrogation. "She may not tell the truth, but we have to guess? Figure it out? Sit down and pick it apart like Shakespeare?" No answer save for the rusty 'ding' of the elevator reaching its destination. Any hint of a previous smile had vanished from Neo's face as he stepped out into the hall. Like drones, all afraid of the same end, Mulder and Scully fell into the easy but somewhat hesitant gait of their leader.
The door Neo stopped at looked to be the only one opening to the hallway. For one second, Neo stared at it, unsure of the next course of action. Just knock already, Mulder sighed inwardly. On command, Neo reached out, not to knock, as Mulder had expected, but to turn the knob. His fingers had only a chance to graze the dirtied silver metal before it completed the turn on its own. The door opened inward to reveal a woman in a dull off-white dress and shall. Her hair was pulled back in corncob braids, which were in turn pulled into a ponytail.
"Hello Neo, Mulder, Scully, welcome." She stepped to the side, and Neo gestured for the pair to precede him through the door. As he passed, Mulder heard a slightly shallow set of breaths escape Neo. He is scared…or maybe just unsure…angry? It was considerably annoying not to know for sure, not to be able to pigeonhole Neo. Their hostess gestured for them to move all the way inside so she could close the door.
"Neo, please, make yourself comfortable. Scully, if you would be so kind as to wait here with him. Mulder, please follow me." Scully's mouth opened, her lips forming a protest she didn't utter as Mulder swallowed his instantaneous anxiety and did as instructed. He gave his partner and Neo a slight salute as he disappeared around the corner.
From here, he was on his own. Mulder did not mind; he was rather used to lone-wolfing it, even after six plus years with Scully working with him. His guide never stopped; she practically floated through the adjoining living room where several children were all taking a nap. One little girl with blonde pixie curls peeked through half-closed eyelids at Mulder.
"I will leave you now," his guide excused herself, gliding around Mulder while simultaneously gesturing for him to pass through a curtain of beads that only half covered the door frame. He complied with that tacit command and brushed through the beads.
The kitchen was dingy, but not dirty; it had a homey feel to it. An elderly woman was at the sink washing a thick yellow glass vase. He was tempted to clear his throat to draw her attention, but Mulder knew better. She's some sort of prescient being. Chances are she knows I'm here.
"Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Mulder." Her voice was a gravely one, like the voice of a nice old lady as her larynx was being dragged across jagged rocks. Tobacco. Mulder identified the cause. As evidence, a single cigarette was smoldering in the ashtray at the sink. "I think you'd like a seat, so I'll offer you one. I'm afraid I don't have any sunflower seeds, but you are welcome to those brownies." Mulder glanced at the brownies at his elbow as he sat. Just hope they're not spiked.
"And don't worry. I never use any artificial stimulants to make them taste that good." She laughed, a broken, scraggly noise, much like her regular voice. "Of course, it's all artificial, isn't it?" Mulder didn't care once he bit into the brownie. I guess this Matrix isn't all bad. Finished at the sink, the woman approached, carrying the vase, cradled in a towel as she dried it.
"Nice vase." Mulder had to resist the urge to smack himself. That was the single most stupid thing he could ever remember saying. Fortunately, the Oracle didn't seem to care.
"All for naught, I'm going to be washing it again later anyway," she sighed good-naturedly. Mulder simply watched her pull out her pack of cigarettes and light one. One long drag later, she spoke. "I'm sure I don't need to ask if you believe, Mr. Mulder."
"Believe in what? Could you please be a little more specific? Do I believe in UFOs, werewolves, psychics, and spontaneous combustion? Until lately, I would have said yes to all four and even more than that. Right about now, I'll settle for prescience." The Oracle smiled around her cigarette.
"Wise choice. But you don't always believe in it, do you Mr. Mulder?"
"Just Mulder."
"If you like. You don't always believe. How is it you think you know the difference? Think you're gifted too?"
"Not hardly. I just have a very good nose," Mulder tapped his nose for emphasis. "I'm the only person who's ever been born with the amazing ability to smell scam artists who then went to work for the government. By the time I was there three hours, I had exhausted that ability. Had to buy myself nose plugs." The Oracle laughed again, a softer sound followed by a rough cough.
"You are a character, Mulder." Mulder made a mock bow from his seat. "But then I suppose you wouldn't have stuck out if you hadn't been." The sobering, serious tone clued Mulder in to drop his joviality.
"Is that why I was…is picked the right word? Is that why I was picked?" The Oracle seemed to smile without moving her lips. It was an action that caused shivers to plague Mulder's spine.
"You are not picked. That's not how it works. Your words and actions pick us, Mulder."
"I don't understand." Mulder's eyebrows peaked together in question.
"Oh yes you do." It was a definite statement that allowed for no refusal; Mulder ventured none. "You never once went on an assignment without thinking about who was going to be looking over your shoulder. This is just another assignment, and Morpheus, Neo, Trinity…they are just the ultimate authority to you." Mulder couldn't deny the truth of that statement and made no effort to do so.
"I want the truth."
"You want more than that, Mulder." Again, another truth that was at the core of his personality. "You want everyone to know." The Oracle squashed the butt of her cigarette in the ashtray and proceeded to light another.
"Yes? Is that it? Somehow, I got the feeling this was going to be a bit more revealing. Most of what you said is true, but it's not anything I don't know." The Oracle's eyes changed slightly as if she had willed her pupils to dilate then constrict within a fraction of a second, denying Mulder the opportunity to be certain it had happened at all.
"You know how to show everyone, Mulder. You've known for years." Admit to that, maybe this will go somewhere.
"I make my work known, yes. I've broken a rule here or there to make sure people know, people who will be believed when the time comes to tell what they've seen." The Oracle nodded, punctuating the pause before she spoke again by inhaling deeply on her filter. The end of the cigarette, glowing red embers, held Mulder's eye away from the rest of her face. How many times had he watched the Cancer man smoke? It was impossible to even try and count. Cigarettes had gone down in his book as the signal of the evil that man represented. Funny how the ultimate guide of this motley revolution should have the same weakness for nicotine.
"Who will continue your work now that you and your partner are no longer working for the government?"
Mulder stared. It was the only response he knew that was appropriate. His immediate feeling was best represented by his inner monologue of 'WHAT?' but he tried to keep it from showing.
"I…never thought about that. I guess I can't do any more, huh?" The Oracle's smile transformed, picking up more mystery and unexplained knowledge with the barest flicker of movement.
"You believe that?"
"I haven't really given it a lot of thought, but yeah."
"Then I've got a surprise for you, Mulder."
****************************************
"What is taking so long?" Scully had refused to take her hostess' offered seat and had started to pace from the very second Mulder disappeared around the corner.
"Dunno." Neo didn't bother to shrug. After the tenth time she had asked, he'd given up giving her possible reasons. 'Maybe he's having trouble understanding.' Scully had shot that one down right away. Mulder was an Oxford graduate, top-notch investigator, and first-class faithful acolyte to all things pseudo-science. After the third time she had asked, Neo offered, 'maybe they're baking cookies.' That had just confused Scully, though Neo laughed until her fifth and sixth repetition of the same question.
"What could be taking him this long? Are these meetings always this long?"
"For the last time, Scully, I don't know!" Frustrated, Scully sighed and dropped onto a chair. "Good, sit. All that pacing was making me nauseated." Neo slumped back against the wall even more, relaxed as much as he could manage while in this place.
"Will she take this long when I go?" Neo groaned and mock whimpered.
"Please, for the love of Mike, change the subject." Scully cast him a wickedly amused glance.
"Very well, but remember, you asked for it." Neo shrugged and nodded. "What did she tell you exactly? I've gotten the gist of it, but I want to hear you say what." Neo surprised her with a nod of approval then a secretive smile.
"Fair question. Doesn't mean I'm going to answer it of course."
"What would it take to convince you to answer it then?"
"An act of God. Just ask her when you go in if you're that curious."
"I want to hear you say it, in your own words. I want to know what you felt about what she told you."
"Why?"
"Humor me."
"Nope."
"Fine." Neo closed his eyes, trying to forget he was here.
"What could be taking so long?"
"There isn't any chance of you stopping that any time soon, is there?"
"Nope."
"That's what I thought. Well, then you leave me no choice but to resort to more drastic measures." Scully wondered briefly what that meant. She soon discovered that Neo's version of drastic measures was duct tape…and lots of it. He never moved toward her; he just reclined further while Scully watched her mouth being taped shut. After a painful five minutes spent separating the duct tape's adhesion to her skin and hair, Scully cast an enraged look at Neo.
"Don't you dare do that…" The duct tape returned before Scully could even come up with the 'or else' part of her threat. Neo opened his eyes to watch her fumble with the tape, laughing at her expense. He was still recovering from the whole scene when their guide reappeared.
"Scully? The Oracle will see you now." That one sentence destroyed both Neo's amusement and Scully's frustration. Both had those respective emotions replaced with anxiety, Neo's was associative, Scully's was terror at the unknown fate that might be told to her very shortly.
Scully followed silently, accepting a sympathetic 'good luck' gesture from Neo as she left. The guide stopped in the living room with Scully. The children were awake now, and it was her responsibility, or so Scully assumed, to care for them. A perfectly evil idea came to her.
"Morning everyone." The guide smiled, pleased, almost as if she had anticipated or expected Scully to speak, to plan, to avenge herself. "You know that guy in the hallway? I will give each and everyone of you candy if you can keep him out of trouble while I'm gone." They all stared at her with eyes that spoke of intelligence beyond their young years, but all were excited by the infantile anticipation of sweet rewards.
"This way, Scully," the guide continued toward the kitchen. Scully winked at all the kids, each on the tip of his or her toes, ready to strike.
"Just tackle him a bit…in fact, he'll give up the candy, I promise." Off they darted. Scully walked through the beaded curtain, riding high on the tails of Neo's cry of "Ah! What the…?" as the kids attacked.
Walking through the curtain immediately put a damper on that high spirit. An elderly lady stood shaking her head, amused, not upset, at the sink, rinsing off some piece of glassware. Mulder was directly on Scully's left, sitting at a small table, his forehead in the hand that was leaning against the table, his other hand clutching his stomach. The putrid smell of vomit violated Scully's nostrils.
"I'm sorry about the smell, Scully, but you really can't blame your partner. It's something of a shock. Perhaps you had best sit too." Scully didn't object. Mulder had never looked so ill as he did now. After their years together, she had seen him wearing down with advanced age on one mission, shivering with shock on another, suffering from sleep deprivation, crying over his father's death, shot, attacked by creature and disease, men and monsters, defeat and betrayal, and still none of those ailments had ever produced this absolutely sick appearance that he wore now.
"Mulder, are you alright?" Her partner didn't answer; he dropped to put his head between his knees, gasping to avoid vomiting again. Scully took over and reached out to a fruit bowl at the far end of the table. Emptying it, she placed it under where his head was leaning. "Here. Just in case. Deep breaths, Mulder, try to make them longer until the spasms stop." The Oracle appeared over Scully's shoulder then, replacing her vase on its usual stand.
"Good job, doctor. He may pull through." Scully shrugged off the hand on her shoulder.
"What did you do to him!?! Is this what you wanted?" The Oracle did not answer right away.
"Sit down, Scully. We have so much to talk about."
****************************************
Neurons. Remarkable cells that, like every other cell in the human body, come from the single zygote that forms when an ovum is fertilized. A neuron has the same DNA as every other cell in a given body, but no other cell is quite like it. It transmits impulses as either chemical or electrical change along its length. These impulses are those that tell the body "that's blue" or "that's hot" or "that's smooth." Neurons sending messages are responsible for the ability to know and interact with the environment. When they fire, there is personality, sex drive, and, perhaps most importantly, memory.
If you were to stop a neuron from sending a message, a memory neuron, essentially, memory, as you know it, would not exist. If a connection between neurons was broken, that memory would be destroyed. You could not access it. Alzheimer's disease is just like that, neurons that cannot or will not fire to access memories.
You forget.
You forget.
You forget.
"You forget," Scully whispered, a single tear tracing an arc across her cheek. "You forget," she moaned, covering her own mouth, hoping not to have the same reaction her partner had had.
"The Matrix does it all the time. It's a relatively non-invasive procedure, Scully. Certain enzymes and chemicals that work against the neurotransmitters…well, I know I don't have to tell you, doctor." Mulder leaned over the bowl and dry heaved nothing but saliva and mucus, his stomach being quite empty. For one dizzying instant, Scully wondered and could picture his body in the real world vomiting. That could kill him; he could choke.
"Mulder, you have to stop that. You could make yourself really sick." Mulder nodded feebly and elevated slowly back to a sitting position. Scully handed him the towel the Oracle had brought over. Inside her mind, Scully was seething with rage at this woman. How dare she do this to them? Who was she to think she could tell them what their future would be?
"You can't make us do anything."
"I never make anyone do anything, Scully. Fate takes care of the stragglers, not me." Scully, assured Mulder was all right, stood to face the woman.
"You can't make this happen. They can't make this happen," Scully gestured wildly out the door to the other rooms, indicating Neo and implicating him and the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar. "They can't force us to go back!"
"They won't force you. You would have come to it anyway, Scully."
"That's not true! We've wanted to know the truth for too long to just give it up!" Somewhere beneath this surface logic, Scully was agreeing with the Oracle. Given time, Mulder or she might have come to the conclusion that they would be most useful by continuing their work on the X-Files. Confronting the issue this way was forcing that logical end to the far side of her mind.
"I don't…I can't do that." Mulder's gasped breaths pained Scully. He needed to know so badly; he'd never wanted anything more than to know. Her own drive, her zeal for the truth was dwarfed by Mulder's. He may not be able to give it up. Look at him. It's made him physically ill to think about it. But if the time came, could I give up the truth…and could I do it alone if Mulder couldn't come with me?
"You can always do as you like, Mulder. Fate is relative, according to some. I'd just give the idea careful consideration. The consequences might be worse if you don't go back." That's a nice way of threatening us. Scully glowered at the Oracle.
"I can't." Mulder stood for a second before nearly falling back into his chair. Scully's arm steadied him at the last minute. The Oracle smiled, but this time, Scully wasn't angered by it. It was a pitying smile, one of understanding.
"Let's go, Mulder." Her partner could not and did not resist her guiding him out.
"Goodbye, Mulder, Scully. It's too bad we will not get a chance to meet again." That was the goodbye, and then they did not speak as Scully helped Mulder out the door. Neo was sitting now in the living room, dropping the last child clinging to him off in her seat. He looked up, ready to jump all over Scully for her 'revenge,' but any tease died when he saw her supporting Mulder. Immediately, he moved to help, taking Mulder's other arm.
"Jesus, you all right?" Mulder weakly shook his head. "Didn't think so. All done?" Scully answered the question she knew was meant for her with a nod. "Then let's get out of here. I don't have a great record of success for this particular run scenario." Alarm rang out in Scully's mind.
"What does that mean?" Neo shook his head.
"I'll tell you on the way down."
****************************************
And so he did, Scully mused in silence. A traitor…that's what had lead to their involvement in this case. That thought absorbed her entire conscious being once it was told. Neo had helped her and Mulder into one car, which he drove. Trinity left with Morpheus ahead of their car. None of this received more than passing note in Scully's mind.
A traitor. One man, many problems, and now, so many more…for us. She leaned against the passenger's side window and routed out the sequence over and over. Cypher betrays them…Morpheus kidnapped…Neo and Trinity's rescue…Neo stuck…shot…dead. It seemed too simple, something that had never been Scully's problem. Her logical, scientific mind saw many things as simple, as matters of this or that, not of complex, superstitious nonsense or extreme theories. Now she knew, and it was too simple. I hate my life. No, that wasn't true. She hated something, what was it? What was making her this upset?
You have to give it up. She shook her head. No. I can't. Mulder said so. He can't, I can't. That's how it works. I can't go back alone, and I can't leave him…I can't forget the truth. Scully sighed, catching Neo's attention. She waved it off as nothing; he nodded, not pressing her for details. I can't forge the truth…but I have to. She hated something. It was her conscience. I'll never be free of it unless we go back.
"We have to go back."
"Why? Forget you purse?" Neo smiled lightly, trying to lighten her depression. It didn't work, but Scully gave him an appreciative smile.
"I mean you have to make us go back…to those…pods. We have to go back." Neo swerved to avoid a collision as his surprise had led them off course.
"Say what?"
"I don't want to explain it here. Please, just get us out of here." Neo nodded and sped up.
"Done and done." They were all of two minutes behind the other car to start, and they ended reaching the exit ahead of them. Neo was on his cell phone before they stopped, assuring the exit for Mulder first, then Scully, per her instructions. Once Mulder was out and safe, Scully didn't have to worry about him getting sick. When the phone rang again, Neo handed it to her. For a moment, she blanked. What was she supposed to do with this? It was a scratched-up, moldy-colored, cold black piece of metal, attached to the stand-alone booth by a silver cord. They were nowhere Scully knew, and she was not focusing.
"You'll be fine. Take it." Scully refused and hesitated another second.
"What…" she recovered and had to mask that confusion. "What about you?"
"Last one out, my rule. Besides, I have to wait for Trinity and Morpheus. Just go, Scully. No sense in you staying in case there's trouble." Numb, Scully nodded and took the exit. As she woke on the outside, Scully found the mental paralysis translated to a physical paralysis. For a full minute, her muscles refused to let her stand.
Her eyes roamed around the figures of the others. Tank was helping Mulder to the floor, just to sit, before he returned to finish the exits for the others. The others…Morpheus, Neo, Trinity…they were so calm. Soon they'd be outside too, and then she'd have to explain…why the Oracle had made sense…why they had to leave.
How can I forget these people? This place? She fingered the axial line Tank had shown her how to remove from her own head. None of this…I won't remember any of it… Mulder, sitting in his spot, looked up at her. His eyes held a confirmation of her own thoughts. To spread the truth, they would have give up the Nebuchadnezzar. They would have give up Morpheus and Neo and Tank and Trinity. They would have to give up the real world.
To spread the truth, we have to relinquish it.
End of Chapter 12
Next Installment: The Answer Is Out There: Epilogue