Part 3 of my series `All They Ever Wanted'. Thanks to all ya'll who reviewed, and I'm sorry for the delay in posting this piece, but I just posted four new stories (another series), and I didn't have the time.
I watched with undeniable pleasure as Voldemort stalked over to Peter, looking murderous. Not that I could blame him. Peter hadn't been doing his job right for the last week or so, and it was beginning to get aggravating. Of course, I had my own ideas about why Peter had been so uncooperative lately. After only three weeks, I had, more or less, taken over his job. I was now second-in-command if not in name then in fact.
Voldemort's horde had taken an almost immediate liking to me, and were all too willing to do as I commanded. Lately I had begun to influence Voldemort's decisions more and more, and I was hard-pressed to remember whose side I was really fighting on. Actually, most of Voldemort's `vicious' horde were as nice a people as you could want, and I was more comfortable with most of them than I had been with most of the people I'd grown up with, and I was having real doubts about whether or not I could go back. Not whether or not I should go back, I had no doubts that I needed to, but I wasn't sure if I could. Voldemort's voice suddenly interrupted my brooding thoughts.
"What do you think? Give him another chance or not?" I stood there a minute, studying the panic-stricken look on Peter's face, before I gave my answer.
"Give `im another chance. He is an old friend, after all." Voldemort, with a little shrug, turned to Peter.
"All right then. Get lost, and I don't want to hear about any more screw-ups." Peter didn't need a second invitation. Before Voldemort had even finished his sentence he was gone, disappearing into the horde. Voldemort laughed a little at that, then looked over at me.
"You're too compassionate for your own good, you know." I shrugged carelessly.
"Maybe. But they seem to like it," I said, gesturing at the wizards around us.
"Yeah, they do at that. We make a good team, with you on the merciful end of things, and with me on the vicious side."
"Vicious?" I remarked as if I'd never considered such a thing. Voldemort looked away, hiding a smile. Oh yes, I had quite an influence over one of the most powerful wizards in the world.
"When do you think we'll be ready to attack Hogwarts?" he asked.
"I dunno. But I do know who would." I raised my voice and started calling for Jake. He was at my elbow in an instant.
"Yes, boss, sir?" I rolled my eyes.
"Lay off the `boss, sir' stuff, will you? My name is Remus, for the ninety-nine millionth time. What I need to know is: how long until you think we'll be ready to attack?"
"Oh, any time. We've got enough people to go whenever you like." I glanced over at Voldemort questioningly, and he nodded in approval.
"Very good, Remus. Now, if there's no more delays, we should be attacking tomorrow." I nodded in agreement before I realized what I was doing. I was going along with him?! I was going to help him attack a place I had helped protect only a few weeks before? And again I wondered: who was I anyway? Not the person I had been, at least I was sure of that much.
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"Where am I supposed to be during this attack?" I wondered out loud. Voldemort and I had apparated to just outside Hogwarts grounds, and were carefully measuring up the place.
"You'll be with me," Voldemort said absentmindedly. I followed the direction of his gaze, and was shocked to see Harry, Hermione, and Ron walking across the grounds alone.
"Wait up!" I heard someone call, and Severus Snape came running toward them. From where I was, I could easily hear him lecturing Harry, and I was pleased to hear him give all three detention. Ordinarily I wouldn't have been so happy about it, but Voldemort was more than a match for me, and if Harry had gotten himself in captured I wasn't sure that I could've freed him.
'Why on earth am I even thinking about that? If he gets captured it'll be his own fault. It's not my problem.' Not anymore.
"Remus?" Voldemort said, and I glanced over at him.
"Yes, my lord?" Normally I didn't hold with the `my lord' stuff, but I knew how bitterly disappointed he must have been to have been that close to Potter and not been able to grab him.
"Will you have a problem capturing him?" His tone was casual, but I felt the tension in his voice.
"Of course not. He's an enemy." As I said it, I was shocked by how easily, how fearlessly I was lying to him. And what was worse, I wasn't sure whether I was lying or not. I would like to think I was, but these days I wasn't really sure. These days I wasn't sure about anything.
"You're certain?" Voldemort prompted, and I thought: No, of course I'm not certain, and I hate even being you, you lying, murdering scum. What I said was that I was sure.
"Then let's go. I've decided that we'll be attacking tonight, instead of tomorrow like we planned." We apparated back to Voldemort's stronghold, and he explained the change in plans.
"Well then, what should we do with Draco?" Lucius Malfoy demanded. "He's not sure if he wants to join us, and I would like it if he could be part of the conquering army." Draco? Not wanting to join Voldemort? I'd thought that he would've been the first to join up. Apparently even a Malfoy had more sense than I did.
"Remus can baby-sit your son," Voldemort sneered, and Lucius winced. Lord Voldemort turned to me. "Sorry about that, but I think you could be awfully convincing to young Mister Malfoy, and it would also be the perfect time for you to try out your new animagus abilities."
"Animagus abilities?" I echoed. He laughed at my surprise.
"Yes, Remus. I wasn't sure, then, that you could be trusted, and so I simply didn't tell you that I'd already done the spell. These days I have no such doubts."
"That's good to know," I told him. He nodded.
"Yes. It is indeed. You've proved yourself worthy of my trust a million times over, and I'm sure you'll be a good influence on Draco."
"I'll do my best," I said, and watched, smirking, as Lucius pushed his son forward. He looked downright terrified. Draco stared at me for a moment in stunned surprise.
"Professor Lupin!" he yelped. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you with Potter?"
"Obviously I joined the winning side," I snickered. "I thought you'd have enough brains to have done the same." Lucius scowled at me, and I stared him down. After a moment he looked away.
"Come, Draco," I snapped, and stalked away, with Draco following meekly behind. I led the way to my office, and stepped inside. I settled into my favorite armchair, and gestured for Draco to sit as well. He did, but nervously, as though he expected me to curse him any minute.
"Now, I want to know why you refuse to join us," I demanded. Draco stared at the floor.
"Because it's wrong," he burst out suddenly. "Can't you see that?"
"Wrong?" I purred. "What's wrong about it?"
"What's wrong about it?!" he said, almost hysterical. "Everything!"
"Who've you been talking to?"
"Hermione, but that's not the point. I won't do it!"
"That's rather stupid of you. And I can see right through you. You're just trying to see if I'm a traitor. I'm insulted."
"Professor, please! I'm not testing you, seriously. I want your help. I have to get out of here."
"I don't believe you. Why on earth would you even want to take sides against us?"
"Us? You're even talking like them! I can't believe you, of all people..."
"Why not me?" I asked, and I pushed back my sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark on my left arm. He let out a gasp of fear.
"I do not believe this. You have joined them, haven't you?"
"Nah. I'm a spy," I said, deciding on a mixture of the truth and some very careful lies.
"Then why do you have the Dark Mark?"
"If I'd refused they would've cursed me on sight. Actually, though, I got to like the place, even learned to like Lord Voldemort. So I swapped sides. It's not difficult."
"So you have turned on Harry, haven't you?" He sounded appalled by the very idea.
"Why are you so surprised?"
"I just thought you had more decency than that," he practically sneered.
"Better be careful who you insult," I said carelessly. "Remember what I am, Draco." He glared at me, and I mock-snarled at him.
"It's not the full moon, you can't threaten me with that yet."
"Haven't you heard? Voldemort can now change werewolves into animagi. I'm no longer a werewolf. It doesn't have to be a full moon for me to transform." If possible, he went even paler than he already was.
"You wouldn't."
"But you don't know that, do you?"
"Yes, I do. You wouldn't do that, even to me." Before he had even finished his sentence, I was already transformed into the wolf. He froze, and stared at me with terrified eyes. I changed back quickly, and grinned wolfishly at him.
"Now you know," I said, and he nodded.
"Yes, I most certainly do. Now make a choice: either help me get back to Hogwarts, or tell Voldemort where my loyalties lie."
"Better go tell Voldemort then," I said cheerfully. I got up out of my chair, and headed for the door.
I expected Draco to start laughing at the wonderful prank he'd pulled, but he did nothing of the kind. Just sat there, waiting. I stopped and looked back at him, and in his eyes I could read a kind of resignation. Then I knew. He was telling the truth. And he was right: I had to make a choice. Forever turn my back on Harry and all he stood for, or go back and own up to what I'd almost done.
"Come on, Draco. I'll take you back."
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I watched with undeniable pleasure as Voldemort stalked over to Peter, looking murderous. Not that I could blame him. Peter hadn't been doing his job right for the last week or so, and it was beginning to get aggravating. Of course, I had my own ideas about why Peter had been so uncooperative lately. After only three weeks, I had, more or less, taken over his job. I was now second-in-command if not in name then in fact.
Voldemort's horde had taken an almost immediate liking to me, and were all too willing to do as I commanded. Lately I had begun to influence Voldemort's decisions more and more, and I was hard-pressed to remember whose side I was really fighting on. Actually, most of Voldemort's `vicious' horde were as nice a people as you could want, and I was more comfortable with most of them than I had been with most of the people I'd grown up with, and I was having real doubts about whether or not I could go back. Not whether or not I should go back, I had no doubts that I needed to, but I wasn't sure if I could. Voldemort's voice suddenly interrupted my brooding thoughts.
"What do you think? Give him another chance or not?" I stood there a minute, studying the panic-stricken look on Peter's face, before I gave my answer.
"Give `im another chance. He is an old friend, after all." Voldemort, with a little shrug, turned to Peter.
"All right then. Get lost, and I don't want to hear about any more screw-ups." Peter didn't need a second invitation. Before Voldemort had even finished his sentence he was gone, disappearing into the horde. Voldemort laughed a little at that, then looked over at me.
"You're too compassionate for your own good, you know." I shrugged carelessly.
"Maybe. But they seem to like it," I said, gesturing at the wizards around us.
"Yeah, they do at that. We make a good team, with you on the merciful end of things, and with me on the vicious side."
"Vicious?" I remarked as if I'd never considered such a thing. Voldemort looked away, hiding a smile. Oh yes, I had quite an influence over one of the most powerful wizards in the world.
"When do you think we'll be ready to attack Hogwarts?" he asked.
"I dunno. But I do know who would." I raised my voice and started calling for Jake. He was at my elbow in an instant.
"Yes, boss, sir?" I rolled my eyes.
"Lay off the `boss, sir' stuff, will you? My name is Remus, for the ninety-nine millionth time. What I need to know is: how long until you think we'll be ready to attack?"
"Oh, any time. We've got enough people to go whenever you like." I glanced over at Voldemort questioningly, and he nodded in approval.
"Very good, Remus. Now, if there's no more delays, we should be attacking tomorrow." I nodded in agreement before I realized what I was doing. I was going along with him?! I was going to help him attack a place I had helped protect only a few weeks before? And again I wondered: who was I anyway? Not the person I had been, at least I was sure of that much.
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"Where am I supposed to be during this attack?" I wondered out loud. Voldemort and I had apparated to just outside Hogwarts grounds, and were carefully measuring up the place.
"You'll be with me," Voldemort said absentmindedly. I followed the direction of his gaze, and was shocked to see Harry, Hermione, and Ron walking across the grounds alone.
"Wait up!" I heard someone call, and Severus Snape came running toward them. From where I was, I could easily hear him lecturing Harry, and I was pleased to hear him give all three detention. Ordinarily I wouldn't have been so happy about it, but Voldemort was more than a match for me, and if Harry had gotten himself in captured I wasn't sure that I could've freed him.
'Why on earth am I even thinking about that? If he gets captured it'll be his own fault. It's not my problem.' Not anymore.
"Remus?" Voldemort said, and I glanced over at him.
"Yes, my lord?" Normally I didn't hold with the `my lord' stuff, but I knew how bitterly disappointed he must have been to have been that close to Potter and not been able to grab him.
"Will you have a problem capturing him?" His tone was casual, but I felt the tension in his voice.
"Of course not. He's an enemy." As I said it, I was shocked by how easily, how fearlessly I was lying to him. And what was worse, I wasn't sure whether I was lying or not. I would like to think I was, but these days I wasn't really sure. These days I wasn't sure about anything.
"You're certain?" Voldemort prompted, and I thought: No, of course I'm not certain, and I hate even being you, you lying, murdering scum. What I said was that I was sure.
"Then let's go. I've decided that we'll be attacking tonight, instead of tomorrow like we planned." We apparated back to Voldemort's stronghold, and he explained the change in plans.
"Well then, what should we do with Draco?" Lucius Malfoy demanded. "He's not sure if he wants to join us, and I would like it if he could be part of the conquering army." Draco? Not wanting to join Voldemort? I'd thought that he would've been the first to join up. Apparently even a Malfoy had more sense than I did.
"Remus can baby-sit your son," Voldemort sneered, and Lucius winced. Lord Voldemort turned to me. "Sorry about that, but I think you could be awfully convincing to young Mister Malfoy, and it would also be the perfect time for you to try out your new animagus abilities."
"Animagus abilities?" I echoed. He laughed at my surprise.
"Yes, Remus. I wasn't sure, then, that you could be trusted, and so I simply didn't tell you that I'd already done the spell. These days I have no such doubts."
"That's good to know," I told him. He nodded.
"Yes. It is indeed. You've proved yourself worthy of my trust a million times over, and I'm sure you'll be a good influence on Draco."
"I'll do my best," I said, and watched, smirking, as Lucius pushed his son forward. He looked downright terrified. Draco stared at me for a moment in stunned surprise.
"Professor Lupin!" he yelped. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you with Potter?"
"Obviously I joined the winning side," I snickered. "I thought you'd have enough brains to have done the same." Lucius scowled at me, and I stared him down. After a moment he looked away.
"Come, Draco," I snapped, and stalked away, with Draco following meekly behind. I led the way to my office, and stepped inside. I settled into my favorite armchair, and gestured for Draco to sit as well. He did, but nervously, as though he expected me to curse him any minute.
"Now, I want to know why you refuse to join us," I demanded. Draco stared at the floor.
"Because it's wrong," he burst out suddenly. "Can't you see that?"
"Wrong?" I purred. "What's wrong about it?"
"What's wrong about it?!" he said, almost hysterical. "Everything!"
"Who've you been talking to?"
"Hermione, but that's not the point. I won't do it!"
"That's rather stupid of you. And I can see right through you. You're just trying to see if I'm a traitor. I'm insulted."
"Professor, please! I'm not testing you, seriously. I want your help. I have to get out of here."
"I don't believe you. Why on earth would you even want to take sides against us?"
"Us? You're even talking like them! I can't believe you, of all people..."
"Why not me?" I asked, and I pushed back my sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark on my left arm. He let out a gasp of fear.
"I do not believe this. You have joined them, haven't you?"
"Nah. I'm a spy," I said, deciding on a mixture of the truth and some very careful lies.
"Then why do you have the Dark Mark?"
"If I'd refused they would've cursed me on sight. Actually, though, I got to like the place, even learned to like Lord Voldemort. So I swapped sides. It's not difficult."
"So you have turned on Harry, haven't you?" He sounded appalled by the very idea.
"Why are you so surprised?"
"I just thought you had more decency than that," he practically sneered.
"Better be careful who you insult," I said carelessly. "Remember what I am, Draco." He glared at me, and I mock-snarled at him.
"It's not the full moon, you can't threaten me with that yet."
"Haven't you heard? Voldemort can now change werewolves into animagi. I'm no longer a werewolf. It doesn't have to be a full moon for me to transform." If possible, he went even paler than he already was.
"You wouldn't."
"But you don't know that, do you?"
"Yes, I do. You wouldn't do that, even to me." Before he had even finished his sentence, I was already transformed into the wolf. He froze, and stared at me with terrified eyes. I changed back quickly, and grinned wolfishly at him.
"Now you know," I said, and he nodded.
"Yes, I most certainly do. Now make a choice: either help me get back to Hogwarts, or tell Voldemort where my loyalties lie."
"Better go tell Voldemort then," I said cheerfully. I got up out of my chair, and headed for the door.
I expected Draco to start laughing at the wonderful prank he'd pulled, but he did nothing of the kind. Just sat there, waiting. I stopped and looked back at him, and in his eyes I could read a kind of resignation. Then I knew. He was telling the truth. And he was right: I had to make a choice. Forever turn my back on Harry and all he stood for, or go back and own up to what I'd almost done.
"Come on, Draco. I'll take you back."
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