Okay, the sixth chapter of my loooong fic. I'm sorry, but this just wound up longer than I expected. And the seventh chapter will be tomorrow, hopefully.
"I can't take this anymore!" Snape raged. "We're like caged animals!" It had been three days since my return, and the tension was finally getting to Severus, and everyone else. Voldemort had started a siege of Hogwarts, and nothing got in or out, not owls or anything else. The kids were getting scared, and worries about their parents' safety were only making it worse.
"Oh, you get used to being caged up," Sirius said darkly, frowning at Snape. "Trust me, I know."
"Sirius, please. Scowling at Snape does you no good. We need to stick together," I pleaded. The two of them had been bickering constantly for the last day and a half, and it was giving me a serious headache.
"Stick together!" Snape exclaimed. "Who deserted us when we needed them, huh?" Normally I would have just ignored a remark like that because he didn't really mean what he was saying, he was just under a lot of pressure, but this time his words rang true.
"Listen, I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry, I'm just-" Severus began.
"You're just under a lot of pressure," I finished for him. "I understand." But I couldn't help but wonder: if even one of my best friends thought me a traitor, what was I doing here? Harry, who'd been standing in the doorway, listening, suddenly spoke up.
"Ignore him, Remus."
"I am." He shook his head.
"No, you're not. You're taking that way too personal. He doesn't mean it. And you gave up your future as Voldemort's highest-ranking officer to help us. You're the farthest thing from a traitor." I nodded, and he left, giving Snape a warning look as he walked away. And what he said helped, I had come back, that was the important thing. That's what counted.
`No it doesn't, said a little voice in my head. `You're just a coward making excuses.'
"No, I'm not," I said aloud, and Sirius looked over at me questioningly.
"Anything wrong?" he asked.
"Nah. Nothing at all," I assured him, then, so softly that no one heard me, "Nothing but the fact that I'm a dirty, double-crossing traitor."
.......................................................................................................................................
"We have to do something," Minerva McGonagall announced. It had been more than a week since Voldemort's return to Hogwarts, and all of us were going stir crazy. Voldemort had kept up his siege of Hogwarts, and we were running out of options.
"We could surrender," Snape said sarcastically.
"That's not like you, Severus," I said quietly. "And frankly, we don't need your sarcasm. Instead of thinking up sarcastic remarks, think up a way to get out of here."
"He can't," said a cold voice from the back of the room. "Because there is no way out." Snape and I exchanged startled looks, then looked back at the source of the voice.
Harry. Harry had been the most optimistic among us through this whole bit, and now it finally sounded like he too was giving up. Minerva, Flitwick, Sirius, Jake, Madam Pomfrey, and I had long since stopped being optimistic, and even Draco, Hermione, and Ron had quit with the optimism these days. The only ones who really thought we'd actually get out of here in one piece were Harry and Dumbledore. That is, until now.
"Harry, come on. Nothing's hopeless," Sirius pleaded.
"Give it up, Sirius. I know as well as you do that there's no way out of this one," Harry said coolly.
"He's right," Snape said firmly. "Don't quit on us now." Harry got up out of his chair, and walked toward the door. At the doorway he paused.
"Of course. There is a way out of here. In pieces." And then he turned and walked away.
"So much for optimism," Sirius remarked. And suddenly it was too much. Too much of being caged up, of being at Voldemort's beck and call. I rose from my chair and started for the door.
"He's right," I said without looking back at them. "There's no way we'll get out of here alive. Give it up. I say we give Voldemort what he wants. He always gets it anyway."
"Remus," Sirius pleaded. I whirled around and glared at him.
"Don't you get it? He doesn't really want the school itself, or the students. He wants us. He wants the only ones who could possibly bring him down. And he'll get us, if he has to take the entire school down to do it. So forget the thought that there might be a single noble bone in Voldemort's body. He's as cruel as they get. You haven't seen him, seen the way he gets what he wants. I was not so lucky." I realized there were tears in my eyes, and I turned away from them, refusing to admit my weakness. Sirius walked over and led me back to my chair. I curled up in the chair and closed my eyes, images coming unbidden to my troubled mind.
"You haven't seen him," I whispered. "Haven't seen the lengths he'll go to if he thinks you know something he doesn't. He'll do anything, say anything. He won't threaten you directly, of course. He's smart enough to know that some of the more stubborn ones would keep their mouths shut just to spite him if he did. Oh no, he threatens your family, your children. I've seen the toughest men break under the thought of their children being harmed. For all the other awful things he does, I don't think I ever really realized how utterly heartless he is. But I brought it on myself, you know. Oh yes, I just had to go and turn spy. And I'll pay for it. I'll never forget that wicked laugh of his as long as I live."
"Well, you came back when we needed you. You turned your back on him. You don't deserve to feel guilty for things you didn't do," Sirius said softly.
"Okay, Sirius, you've made your point, and you've made me bawl like a baby. Can I go now?" Reluctantly he nodded.
"Would you mind getting Harry for us, too? Hermione wanted to talk to him. She's in the library," Sirius called after me as I walked out the door.
"When, exactly, did she want to talk to Harry?" I said shrewdly.
"'Bout three hours ago, I suppose," Sirius answered, staring up at the ceiling with a mournful expression. I laughed, and went walking down to the Gryffindor common room.
"Courage," I said to the Fat Lady, and the portrait swung forward to let me in. I stepped into the room and was immediately bombarded by the students.
"Has Voldemort backed off?" Colin Creevey asked. I shook my head.
"No. I just needed to talk to Harry, actually. Trust me, Colin, when Voldemort gives up, you'll be the first to know. Like that's ever gonna happen," I added under my breath as I started up the stairs. I walked into Harry's dormitory, and nearly ran into Ron Weasley.
"Looking for Harry?" he asked.
"Yeah, you seen him?"
"No, but he left a paper on his bed. I dunno if it's a note or something, but you could see."
"All right, and by the way, when did he leave?"
"Oh, a fair bit ago," Ron answered. "Bye." And with that he disappeared down the staircase. I walked over to Harry's bed and picked up the paper. In horror, I read the letter.
To whom it may concern:
This may be the last time you hear from the famous Harry Potter. I can see as well as anyone that Voldem ort is only going after the school to capture me. I cannot continue to endanger all those I hold dear by remaining at Hogwarts. I've gone to surrender myself to Voldemort. Good luck to all of you.
I went running down the stairs, and straight to the staffroom. Snape and Sirius looked up in mild alarm as I burst in.
"Good grief man, can't you knock?" Snape demanded.
"Harry's gone," I panted, ignoring Severus. The reaction was immediate.
"He's gone!" Minerva exclaimed. "He can't be gone, where would he go?" Silently I handed her the letter, and her face grew paler and paler as she read. She passed it to Sirius, who read it quickly, all the color draining from his face. Snape, who'd been reading over Sirius' shoulder, looked up at me with real terror in his eyes.
"What do we do?" he asked hoarsely.
"We tell Albus," Flitwick said quickly as he read the letter in Sirius' hand.
"Agreed," I said quickly, and we rushed up to Dumbledore's office, to meet him coming out.
"What's the emergency?" he asked resignedly.
"Headmaster, Harry's gone!" Snape said hurriedly. He handed Dumbledore the letter. Albus read it through hastily, then went running for the front door. We followed. He flung the door open to see Voldemort standing on the other side.
"We've got your little champion," Voldemort hissed. "Now what are you going to do?" He spotted me and chuckled evilly. "What are you going to do without your precious Harry, Remus?" That did it. I'm not a violent man, but it took all the self-control I had not to pull out my wand and curse him then and there. I restrained myself only with the thought that he must have a reason to come up here, and if I murdered him we likely would never find out.
"Smart choice, Remus," Voldemort said as though he could read my mind. "I have a very important reason to be up here, and it involves our little friend there." He pointed at me. "He has until dawn tomorrow to surrender himself to me. If he does, I'll release little Harry. He's just a child, not really that important to me. Remus, however, has been spying on me, and I hate spies." I shivered involuntarily, and Voldemort grinned wickedly. "Your choice, Remus," he said, before turning his back on us and walking away. I stood there looking after him for a long moment before I turned back to face the others. Dumbledore shut the door with a furious expression on his face, and it wasn't hard to tell who he was mad at.
"Why you?" Sirius said angrily, looking at me. "Why didn't he pick someone else?"
"Because he knows I've seen him at his worst," I said grimly. "I'm afraid of what he can do, and he knows it. He also understands that I can't let him hurt Harry in my place."
"That evil, that low-down dirty rat, I'll..." Sirius' voice trailed off, obviously unsure of what he was actually going to do.
"Well, what are we going to do?" Albus asked. "I don't you want you to go out there, Remus."
"We don't have a choice," I said flatly. "I have to go. I won't let him hurt Harry for my sake."
"Remus, if you go, he'll kill you!"
"So long as Harry gets back," I said coolly.
"Are you insane?!" Snape yelled. "Do you have a death wish or something?!"
"Does it matter?" I asked, and he fell silent. Because really, it didn't. We didn't have a choice. And that was what made it so hard.
"I can't take this anymore!" Snape raged. "We're like caged animals!" It had been three days since my return, and the tension was finally getting to Severus, and everyone else. Voldemort had started a siege of Hogwarts, and nothing got in or out, not owls or anything else. The kids were getting scared, and worries about their parents' safety were only making it worse.
"Oh, you get used to being caged up," Sirius said darkly, frowning at Snape. "Trust me, I know."
"Sirius, please. Scowling at Snape does you no good. We need to stick together," I pleaded. The two of them had been bickering constantly for the last day and a half, and it was giving me a serious headache.
"Stick together!" Snape exclaimed. "Who deserted us when we needed them, huh?" Normally I would have just ignored a remark like that because he didn't really mean what he was saying, he was just under a lot of pressure, but this time his words rang true.
"Listen, I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry, I'm just-" Severus began.
"You're just under a lot of pressure," I finished for him. "I understand." But I couldn't help but wonder: if even one of my best friends thought me a traitor, what was I doing here? Harry, who'd been standing in the doorway, listening, suddenly spoke up.
"Ignore him, Remus."
"I am." He shook his head.
"No, you're not. You're taking that way too personal. He doesn't mean it. And you gave up your future as Voldemort's highest-ranking officer to help us. You're the farthest thing from a traitor." I nodded, and he left, giving Snape a warning look as he walked away. And what he said helped, I had come back, that was the important thing. That's what counted.
`No it doesn't, said a little voice in my head. `You're just a coward making excuses.'
"No, I'm not," I said aloud, and Sirius looked over at me questioningly.
"Anything wrong?" he asked.
"Nah. Nothing at all," I assured him, then, so softly that no one heard me, "Nothing but the fact that I'm a dirty, double-crossing traitor."
.......................................................................................................................................
"We have to do something," Minerva McGonagall announced. It had been more than a week since Voldemort's return to Hogwarts, and all of us were going stir crazy. Voldemort had kept up his siege of Hogwarts, and we were running out of options.
"We could surrender," Snape said sarcastically.
"That's not like you, Severus," I said quietly. "And frankly, we don't need your sarcasm. Instead of thinking up sarcastic remarks, think up a way to get out of here."
"He can't," said a cold voice from the back of the room. "Because there is no way out." Snape and I exchanged startled looks, then looked back at the source of the voice.
Harry. Harry had been the most optimistic among us through this whole bit, and now it finally sounded like he too was giving up. Minerva, Flitwick, Sirius, Jake, Madam Pomfrey, and I had long since stopped being optimistic, and even Draco, Hermione, and Ron had quit with the optimism these days. The only ones who really thought we'd actually get out of here in one piece were Harry and Dumbledore. That is, until now.
"Harry, come on. Nothing's hopeless," Sirius pleaded.
"Give it up, Sirius. I know as well as you do that there's no way out of this one," Harry said coolly.
"He's right," Snape said firmly. "Don't quit on us now." Harry got up out of his chair, and walked toward the door. At the doorway he paused.
"Of course. There is a way out of here. In pieces." And then he turned and walked away.
"So much for optimism," Sirius remarked. And suddenly it was too much. Too much of being caged up, of being at Voldemort's beck and call. I rose from my chair and started for the door.
"He's right," I said without looking back at them. "There's no way we'll get out of here alive. Give it up. I say we give Voldemort what he wants. He always gets it anyway."
"Remus," Sirius pleaded. I whirled around and glared at him.
"Don't you get it? He doesn't really want the school itself, or the students. He wants us. He wants the only ones who could possibly bring him down. And he'll get us, if he has to take the entire school down to do it. So forget the thought that there might be a single noble bone in Voldemort's body. He's as cruel as they get. You haven't seen him, seen the way he gets what he wants. I was not so lucky." I realized there were tears in my eyes, and I turned away from them, refusing to admit my weakness. Sirius walked over and led me back to my chair. I curled up in the chair and closed my eyes, images coming unbidden to my troubled mind.
"You haven't seen him," I whispered. "Haven't seen the lengths he'll go to if he thinks you know something he doesn't. He'll do anything, say anything. He won't threaten you directly, of course. He's smart enough to know that some of the more stubborn ones would keep their mouths shut just to spite him if he did. Oh no, he threatens your family, your children. I've seen the toughest men break under the thought of their children being harmed. For all the other awful things he does, I don't think I ever really realized how utterly heartless he is. But I brought it on myself, you know. Oh yes, I just had to go and turn spy. And I'll pay for it. I'll never forget that wicked laugh of his as long as I live."
"Well, you came back when we needed you. You turned your back on him. You don't deserve to feel guilty for things you didn't do," Sirius said softly.
"Okay, Sirius, you've made your point, and you've made me bawl like a baby. Can I go now?" Reluctantly he nodded.
"Would you mind getting Harry for us, too? Hermione wanted to talk to him. She's in the library," Sirius called after me as I walked out the door.
"When, exactly, did she want to talk to Harry?" I said shrewdly.
"'Bout three hours ago, I suppose," Sirius answered, staring up at the ceiling with a mournful expression. I laughed, and went walking down to the Gryffindor common room.
"Courage," I said to the Fat Lady, and the portrait swung forward to let me in. I stepped into the room and was immediately bombarded by the students.
"Has Voldemort backed off?" Colin Creevey asked. I shook my head.
"No. I just needed to talk to Harry, actually. Trust me, Colin, when Voldemort gives up, you'll be the first to know. Like that's ever gonna happen," I added under my breath as I started up the stairs. I walked into Harry's dormitory, and nearly ran into Ron Weasley.
"Looking for Harry?" he asked.
"Yeah, you seen him?"
"No, but he left a paper on his bed. I dunno if it's a note or something, but you could see."
"All right, and by the way, when did he leave?"
"Oh, a fair bit ago," Ron answered. "Bye." And with that he disappeared down the staircase. I walked over to Harry's bed and picked up the paper. In horror, I read the letter.
To whom it may concern:
This may be the last time you hear from the famous Harry Potter. I can see as well as anyone that Voldem ort is only going after the school to capture me. I cannot continue to endanger all those I hold dear by remaining at Hogwarts. I've gone to surrender myself to Voldemort. Good luck to all of you.
I went running down the stairs, and straight to the staffroom. Snape and Sirius looked up in mild alarm as I burst in.
"Good grief man, can't you knock?" Snape demanded.
"Harry's gone," I panted, ignoring Severus. The reaction was immediate.
"He's gone!" Minerva exclaimed. "He can't be gone, where would he go?" Silently I handed her the letter, and her face grew paler and paler as she read. She passed it to Sirius, who read it quickly, all the color draining from his face. Snape, who'd been reading over Sirius' shoulder, looked up at me with real terror in his eyes.
"What do we do?" he asked hoarsely.
"We tell Albus," Flitwick said quickly as he read the letter in Sirius' hand.
"Agreed," I said quickly, and we rushed up to Dumbledore's office, to meet him coming out.
"What's the emergency?" he asked resignedly.
"Headmaster, Harry's gone!" Snape said hurriedly. He handed Dumbledore the letter. Albus read it through hastily, then went running for the front door. We followed. He flung the door open to see Voldemort standing on the other side.
"We've got your little champion," Voldemort hissed. "Now what are you going to do?" He spotted me and chuckled evilly. "What are you going to do without your precious Harry, Remus?" That did it. I'm not a violent man, but it took all the self-control I had not to pull out my wand and curse him then and there. I restrained myself only with the thought that he must have a reason to come up here, and if I murdered him we likely would never find out.
"Smart choice, Remus," Voldemort said as though he could read my mind. "I have a very important reason to be up here, and it involves our little friend there." He pointed at me. "He has until dawn tomorrow to surrender himself to me. If he does, I'll release little Harry. He's just a child, not really that important to me. Remus, however, has been spying on me, and I hate spies." I shivered involuntarily, and Voldemort grinned wickedly. "Your choice, Remus," he said, before turning his back on us and walking away. I stood there looking after him for a long moment before I turned back to face the others. Dumbledore shut the door with a furious expression on his face, and it wasn't hard to tell who he was mad at.
"Why you?" Sirius said angrily, looking at me. "Why didn't he pick someone else?"
"Because he knows I've seen him at his worst," I said grimly. "I'm afraid of what he can do, and he knows it. He also understands that I can't let him hurt Harry in my place."
"That evil, that low-down dirty rat, I'll..." Sirius' voice trailed off, obviously unsure of what he was actually going to do.
"Well, what are we going to do?" Albus asked. "I don't you want you to go out there, Remus."
"We don't have a choice," I said flatly. "I have to go. I won't let him hurt Harry for my sake."
"Remus, if you go, he'll kill you!"
"So long as Harry gets back," I said coolly.
"Are you insane?!" Snape yelled. "Do you have a death wish or something?!"
"Does it matter?" I asked, and he fell silent. Because really, it didn't. We didn't have a choice. And that was what made it so hard.