"A Stab In The Dark -- Part 2" -- by Allora Atwater
A/N: You guys are really expecting something of me this time around so I hope I don't screw up your expectations! This will take a lot longer to write than the first series cause I have to put a lot more effort into making this realistic with getting OOC! This chapter took me FOREVER just to write. But, as always, thanks for the comments. Oh and BTW, does anyone know what Xu does? I mean I know she's like Cid's assisstant or something, but does she have a certain title? Or name for what she does? It's been awhile since I played the game o.O And I'm planning on writing something about her (another POV fic -- got the idea from Kat) so this is important!
Disclaimer: *getting creative* Lalalalalalala FF8 belongs to Square Lalalalalalalala And not me! Lalalalalalala *glass breaks* ARGH! Look what you made me do!
Maybe I should feel honored. After all, I'm sure my handshake was the only gesture of peace Squall's ever accepted in his life. Maybe my skin should stop crawling, maybe I should feel a sense of relief. But I don't. It's there, just as strong as ever. The thing is, we'd both like to think we're too mature now to settle this dispute with our weapons. But that's ultimately the only way it'll ever be resolved. I mentally shake my head; pick your battles wisely Seifer.
I bow my head and turned to the Headmaster, who seems to be preoccupied making paperclip scuptures.
"Headmaster Cid?" I address him, trying not to smirk. He hurriedly puts down his artwork and clears his throat.
"Seifer, I respect your decision to come back to Garden, and I will support it in any way I can. But that does not mean I can prevent any leftover hostility. You understand that right?"
"I understand." My voice sounds grim in my own ears. Cid stands and shakes my hand.
"Then welcome back to Garden, Mr. Almasy."
I don't know what to do at this point; jump over the desk and give him a big hug of gratitude? Fall to my knees and kiss the ground? The thought of me doing such things is pretty amusing; I have to admit, if anyone else were doing it I'd probably be laughing my ass off. But I made a promise to myself, a promise to Quistis, and a promise to Garden; I'd regain everyone's trust and win their respect. I have no time to mess around with the idea of falling back into old habits.
I duck my chin and swivel on my heel to face Quistis. She gives me The Look, the one I really hate, the one that makes me feel so pathetic. She has this way of tilting her head, meeting my gaze with her glassy, misted-over eyes, one side of her mouth tugging upwards. It means she's proud of me and surprised that I handled things so maturely. I appreciate it that she cares, but it makes it seem like she's trying to protect me, and I don't want that. I'm the one that's supposed to be protecting her.
"Thank you Headmaster." she says primly. I lightly drape an arm about her and we walk out the door. I look back once to catch ol' Iceberg Leonheart's glare, returning it with a quick flick of my eyebrow. The atmosphere is still unsettled, but at least I'm home, and hopefully I'll be here to stay. Quisty pipes up the moment I shut the oak doors behind us.
"You did great back there." she tells me earnestly. I scoff at her words. She's saying it like I completed some impossible task, like I did something amazing that I deserve a medal for.
"Whatever." I remark, making her laugh and wiggle out from under my arm.
"You sound like Squall," she says, her eyes twinkling fondly. Great, that's just what I needed to hear. The woman I love tells me I'm starting to resemble my arch nemesis, the guy who has always gotten the best of me in every situation. I touch my scar and smirk. At least he didn't come out of it unscathed.
"Well," she goes on. "I really am proud of you for keeping your cool. You really have grown up."
"Woo-hoo. Pat me on the back cause I don't give a --" she covers my mouth before I have the chance to make an infraction and say something I shouldn't. I kiss her fingertips and her hand instantly shies away, going back to clasping my own. She's really insecure about displaying affections. I don't think she's used to engaging in stuff like this where other people could easily walk in on us. Then again, she's an Instructor and she has to maintain a professional appearance. I grin at her, taking her other hand in mine and placing them on my shoulders.
"You know," she starts, feigning annoyance. "If you're gonna do this all day you might as well --"
I cut her off with a kiss. Hmmph. That sure got her to quit complaining now didn't it? I slide one hand to the back of her neck, playing with the end of her ponytail.
"Oh please, I just ate!" a girl's voice interrupts us. Quistis yanks away, tucking stray locks of gold behind her ears.
I just put my head in my hand. Why now? I turn to see Xu walking out of the elevator, carrying a bundle of files under one arm and an iced mocha in the other. Yuck. Coffee. I hate coffee. Cold coffee, hot coffee, black coffee, creamed coffee. I could make a Dr. Suess-esque book about why I hate coffee and all the places I refuse to drink it. I only had it once, to impress the Instructor with my adult habits. Damn did I have a tough time choking that crap down. I decide to share my thoughts with Xu for lack of anything better to say. I mean, how do you recover when someone catches you in the middle of a "moment"?
"Gross. Mocha sucks." Quistis nudges me in the ribs.
"Seifer Almasy huh?" the girl looks me up and down in a critical fashion. "Quistis dear, you could do so much better than this sad excuse for a man."
I raise my eyebrows, daring her to elaborate. She just shakes her head and laughs, while Quistis offers a calm explanation.
"I never said he was a man." Quistis shrugs, a girly little smile forming on her lips.
"You'll regret saying that tonight." I retaliate, giddy as a schoolgirl when Quistis assumes the appearance of a cherry, her voice catching in her throat. I'm making it up of course, and the Instructor knows that by immediately jumping on the defense, she'll look even more guilty. Xu shoots us a questioning look, but then shakes her head, changing her mind apparently.
"Never mind, I don't think I wanna know." she hustles past us. "They're looking for you down at the cafeteria Instructor. Though I wouldn't suggest bringing that buffoon with you."
"Buffoon? Is that some kinda monkey?" But Xu shuts the door without answering. Quistis leans her head against my shoulder.
"You're thinking of baboon." she answers. I wrinkle my nose. Sometimes I hate having an active imagination; now the visualization of my head on a monkey's body is gonna be stuck in my thought process all day.
"So," I begin, trying to act casual as we step onto the elevator. "Everyone's in the cafeteria?"
"That's what Xu said." she replies dryly. The Seifer-monkey in my mind just dons a fez.
My confrontation with Cid and Squall was easier than I expected. I can't say I'm completely satisfied with the results, but it was worth the effort. Quistis helped me realize that I can't live in a trashy apartment in Balamb, working my days as a dockhand forever. Eventually I'd get too old and lose my youthful strength and endurance. And coming from a guy who has no proof of education, no diploma, no nothin', I'll eventually get stuck in circles. I don't wanna be a deadbeat, working odd jobs all my life, especially when I know I have potential as a SeeD. I just don't have the discipline yet.
I cross my arms over my chest and breathe a loud sigh, startling Quistis out of her own reminiscence. I guess I make a show out of everthing I do. People always said I was melodramatic.
"Thinking too much lately?" she inquires, a smile playing on her lips.
I shrug. "You know me. Straining my lazy brain cells to get through life."
"Oh come on!" she slaps my shoulder. It's meant to be playful but it stings like rugburn. I resist the urge to cringe.
She folds our hands together and puts them under her chin, her bright eyes gazing up at me shyly.
"Where's the Seifer I know?" she questions, pressing my knuckles to her lips. "You aren't being your normal cocky self. That worries me. Could it be that you're a little anxious?"
The doors slide open and the same annoying little 'ding!' sounds off. I use it as an excuse not to answer her as we step out of the elevator and head down the hall. Of course, the whispers, the stares, they don't cease. Many of them are fearful, hesitant, a few of them spiteful, but for the most part, they're curious. Wondering why I'm here, hand-in-hand with Instructor Trepe, showing my scarred visage back at Garden. Some small, insecure part of me wants to hold Quistis in front of me like a shield, blocking all the negativity thrown my way. But the larger part of my rationality tells me that this is hard on her too, being torn between her reputation and her heart. It's nice to know she listens to her heart.
One thing I had always remembered thinking about the Instructor, aside from how cute she'd be if she took down her silly little hairdo, was that she took her job too seriously. She was obviously fit for the position; strict, proper, down-to-business type. Sure she was pretty, but she reminded me more of a mother than she did of a teenage girl. Really... clean. Like those girls who model skin-care products. It's an unjust comparison, but that's what I got for thinking back then. She always had the last word in everything, and it usually had something to do with being safe or something. Whenever I'd mumble a cheap goodbye after class, she'd stare down at her paperwork and utter, "Take care Seifer."
I glance down at her and grin to myself. Who'd of thought I'd end up falling in love with her? We've only officially been "together" for about two weeks, but that's all the time it took for her to cast her spell on me. I wonder where I'd be if she hadn't come along? She's practically my savior; I talk to her and she talks back, treating me like I'm a person and not a vindictive monster. She's basically the only one that can look at me with a distinct fondness. Great, what the hell am I thinking now? I swear, I need to get back into playing the self-centered jerk again just so I can feel more at home in my own skin.
As soon as we reach the entrance to the cafeteria, I see them. The cowboy, the Sorceress, the messenger girl, and ol' Chickenwuss, sitting at a table together, laughing their heads off at something Selphie said. From the look on her face, I don't think she intended to make a joke, but she's laughing anyway so she doesn't spoil the fun. I feel my nerves balling up again, halting my feet as Quistis tries to lead me inside. She turns around, noticing my reluctance.
Normally I wouldn't let shit like this get to me, at least on the outside. All my life, I admit, I've had some serious indentity issues, wanting one thing but pushing it away as fast I could by doing another. I longed to be part of their inner circle, the group of friends that seemed to go through hell and back in a matter of weeks. Instead I gave them the impression that I was some self-absorbed prick who craved nothing but power and didn't need anyone else to get it. One thing people failed to recognize was that I was acting just like Squall, only more vocal. I never let myself get close to others, too wrapped up in my own personal affairs to listen to their words, regarded as an insensitive jerk all the time... the difference was, I voiced my opinions a lot more liberally. And for awhile, I don't think Squall really wanted any friends. I was just the opposite. I wanted to be admired, be respected... I wanted to belong. And now I see the little group; all people I've betrayed or tormented in some way. I tried to kill these people.
My fear had been building up to this point; this was the climax. And I couldn't face it. They had all stood side by side to the end, brothers and sisters in arms, fighting for themselves and each other. My absence in that battle signified my absence in their hearts, and ultimately in their lives. How could I ask them for forgiveness anyways? I didn't deserve any compassion they could give me, not that they'd be willing to give me anything so kind. Maybe I'd get pity at the very most, but that's something I refuse to accept.
"What's wrong *now*?" Quistis asks, slight irritation lacing her tone. I bow my head. For acting like such a hard-ass, I can be such a whiner sometimes.
"I don't wanna go in there." I reply lamely. She puts her hands on her hips and peers up at my face.
"You didn't want to talk to Cid, you didn't want to make amends with Squall... you didn't even want to get out of bed this morning. Is there anything you *do* want?"
I almost answer her question with a lewd comment, but decide against it. I'm already uncomfortable enough being back at Garden, I don't need my only emotional support beating the crap outta me. What a grand entrance that would make.
"It's easy for you to say cause these people like you! You didn't commit treason and try to get them all obliterated! They don't look at you like they wanna skin you alive and feed you to a pack of hungry Toramas!"
She puts a hand on my forehead, I suppose in the way a mother would after her kid had a bad dream. I wouldn't really know, I don't rememeber my real mother, and back at the orphanage I'd never run to Matron if I had a nightmare. I refused to acknowledge any sort of weakness, even back then.
"Seifer, you aren't going to get anything accomplished if you keep acting like a child. You need to face your demons eventually, or they'll haunt you in your old lifestyle. And then you'll spend your years wondering about what could have been."
I sigh, and she grabs my hand, forcing me into the cafeteria. I let her yank me to their table as she calls out, "Hey guys, I'm here." They all look up from their conversation to welcome her into it, but before they can greet her back, they notice me. Their smiles morph into looks of astonishment. I awkwardly wave at them.
"Nice to see y'all too." I mumble. Quistis leans up and pecks me on the cheek, still holding my hand and giving it a squeeze.
"Seifer was readmitted into Garden today." she informs them. Chickenwuss nearly chokes on a hotdog.
"Put too much relish on that?" I comment weakly, trying not to make another bad impression.
"What the hell is *he* doing here?" Zell directs it at Quistis.
"He's my boyfriend." she replies hotly. It's kinda weird, hearing her refer to me as her 'boyfriend'. I never thought we were really the boyfriend/girlfriend type. But it's kinda nice to know I have a significant title. "And he's enrolling in Garden to become a SeeD, just like you."
There's an odd silence. Selphie is looking at me with curiosity from her spot on Irvine's lap, the latter of the two has his eyebrows raised inquisitively. Rinoa is the first to push her chair back and stand up, putting one hand on my shoulder and the other on Quisty's.
"Well, it's about time you both settled down. I think you make a wonderful couple." she glances back to the others for agreement. "Don't you guys think?"
Zell shifts in his seat. Selphie sticks her tongue out.
"Sure." she then looks to me. "Been awhile captain!" She does a little salute. I almost respond with something sarcastic, but I bear in mind that she isn't mocking me. So I salute back. The messenger girl appears pleased. Now for the cowboy that's holding her. I never got to associate with him much after our days in the orphanage. I had long lost the race to become a SeeD when Squall had recruited him. The only thing I recall about Irvine is his talent as a sharpshooter. I was, after all, forced into battle with him during the Sorceress' parade in Deiling. But I'm sure my actions while under Ultimacia's control affected him too. I lean over and extend a hand to him, and he lifts his from Selphie's waist to take mine. Like Squall, he has a firm, solid handshake.
"Seifer." he says, tipping his hat.
"Irvine." I reply in same.
Zell is looking at me, confused. I think he's startled by my behavior. Hell, I'm surprising myself more than anyone.
"How's it goin', Chickenwuss?" I grin, snapping him out of his trance. His face turns bright red and I'm expecting to engage in a battle of wits, but he breaks his fury with a laugh.
"You're still the same asshole you've always been Seifer."
"It's good to be back," I answer. Rinoa motions for me and Quistis to have a seat. Everyone's gaze shifts towards us.
"Sooo?" Rinoa prods, gesturing between Quistis and I. "When did this happen?"
I shake my head. Great, I'm stuck in the middle of girl talk. Zell and Irvine appear to be thinking the same thing, only their curiosity gets the better of them.
"Well," Quistis begins, laying her head on my shoulder. "I was really getting bored with my life, tired of the same thing every day. So around two months ago --"
"A month and three weeks." I correct.
"I went down to Balamb in search of something to do, something to waste my weekend on. And that's when I found Seifer."
Zell snickers. "Waste your weekend eh? Hanging out with Seifer's the best way to do it."
"Keep it up punk." I sneer. "I'll have my gunblade soon enough and you'll be cursing the day you crossed my path."
Zell waves his hands above his head and puts on a very bored expression. "Oh no, Seifer has used another timeless cliche on me, what am I to do?"
"Eat your last hotdog before I do." Selphie replies, reaching out for his plate. "Hold me back Irvy! I'm goin' in for the kill!" She pretends Irvine is the only thing stopping her from stealing Zell's' lunch, which is fairly amusing, considering she could easily break out of his loos grasp. The Chickenwuss downs the rest of his sacred hotdog, opening his mouth to display the chewed-up remains for Selphie's viewing pleasure.
"Grooooss!" she squeals, chucking a package of salt at him.
"Y'know, the cafeteria's hotdogs aren't really made of meat..." I begin. Everyone groans. "It's true! I had to work in the kitchen for a week as punishment and I got to see where they really come from."
"Ewww!" Rinoa shrieks, burying her face in her hands. "Please don't tell me what I'm blindly putting in my stomach!"
I look at Rinoa and a question appears in my mind.
"What are you doing here?" I blurt out.
"Same to you prick!" Zell replies. I shake my head.
"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant.. well..."
Rinoa laughs. "It's okay. I'm a SeeD now too. Mr. Kramer encouraged me to take the test and plus I didn't wanna leave all my friends here... and I didn't want Squall to bend the rules for me." She shrugs. Bend the rules? I guess she means that since she's the Commander's girlfriend, he could've given her free room and board. Hell, I woulda taken the offer. But then again, I don't have the honor of being Squall's significant other. What a damn shame.
"Oh, I get it. Are you all SeeD's now?" I ask, and the group collectively nods. The lump in my throat is back. They've all succeeded, all the people I've forsaken have accomplished something I've tried multiple times to do.
"Cool, hey maybe I'll know what it's like by the time I'm 40."
I'm grateful for their laughter. It'll take awhile to fit in with them, but I'm gonna do it. As long as I know I have Quistis, I'll keep trying. I stand up.
"Well, it's been fun but I'm gonna go and find Fujin and Raijin now. I still need to pack up my crap and move in to a dorm here. You know how breathtakingly fun that's gonna be."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Quistis asks, the look in her eyes saying 'do you NEED me to go with you?'. I have to handle things on my own eventually. I kiss her gently on the forehead. "Nah, don't worry your pretty little head off about it. I'll be just fine on my own."
"Awww!" Zell pipes up. "Get the camera! Seifer-weifer's taking his first steps on his own!"
I roll my eyes. "Have fun scarfing down your processed Chocobo -- I mean hotdog." I turn around and head towards the exit.
"Hey --- is that really what they're made of? Seifer you lying son of a bitch, come back here!"
The group starts laughing again, at Zell's expense or my own, I don't really know. Don't care either. It's been too much of a day, I need to get out of here. I need to be around people who understand me, people I don't feel like I need to impress.
Fuijin and Raijin have always shown me a loyalty beyond words. They've stuck by me through thick and thin, never questioning my motives. They've always trusted me to do the right thing, and I've continually let them down by betraying their trust and dragging them into things that've ruined their reputations. I want to see them now, find out what's really been going on these past months I've hidden away in Balamb. On my way down the hall, I pass none other then Leonheart himself. He's probably heading towards the cafeteria to be with his friends... friends he doesn't deserve. Hell, what am I thinking? Like I've done anything to deserve the friends I've got? I don't have Quistis to hide behind, and he notes that as he comes around the curve. I lift my chin a little, trying not to make eye contact with him. He seems to be doing the same. As we brush past each other, our shoulders graze (purely accidental, I assure you) and I feel a spark. Not the kind fron static electricity. The kind that spawns from a deep resentment. This should be getting very interesting very soon...
To Be Continued
A/N: Not as good as I thought it would be. The chapters will get longer as I go too. Hopefully, this will be about twice as long as my last series (I'm estimating) but it'll take a lot longer for me to finish. *Shrugs* I've been busy lately, sorry! Anyways, I'm thinking about revising this but I wanted to get it up ASAP. Tell me what'cha think!
Oh, and by the way, I was wondering if any of you thought about this too... in the game, do all of the male characters seem to have their pants pulled up a little bit too high? *Shrugs* Blame the sugar rush for that question, but seriously! Look how high there pants are! 0.o
A/N: You guys are really expecting something of me this time around so I hope I don't screw up your expectations! This will take a lot longer to write than the first series cause I have to put a lot more effort into making this realistic with getting OOC! This chapter took me FOREVER just to write. But, as always, thanks for the comments. Oh and BTW, does anyone know what Xu does? I mean I know she's like Cid's assisstant or something, but does she have a certain title? Or name for what she does? It's been awhile since I played the game o.O And I'm planning on writing something about her (another POV fic -- got the idea from Kat) so this is important!
Disclaimer: *getting creative* Lalalalalalala FF8 belongs to Square Lalalalalalalala And not me! Lalalalalalala *glass breaks* ARGH! Look what you made me do!
Maybe I should feel honored. After all, I'm sure my handshake was the only gesture of peace Squall's ever accepted in his life. Maybe my skin should stop crawling, maybe I should feel a sense of relief. But I don't. It's there, just as strong as ever. The thing is, we'd both like to think we're too mature now to settle this dispute with our weapons. But that's ultimately the only way it'll ever be resolved. I mentally shake my head; pick your battles wisely Seifer.
I bow my head and turned to the Headmaster, who seems to be preoccupied making paperclip scuptures.
"Headmaster Cid?" I address him, trying not to smirk. He hurriedly puts down his artwork and clears his throat.
"Seifer, I respect your decision to come back to Garden, and I will support it in any way I can. But that does not mean I can prevent any leftover hostility. You understand that right?"
"I understand." My voice sounds grim in my own ears. Cid stands and shakes my hand.
"Then welcome back to Garden, Mr. Almasy."
I don't know what to do at this point; jump over the desk and give him a big hug of gratitude? Fall to my knees and kiss the ground? The thought of me doing such things is pretty amusing; I have to admit, if anyone else were doing it I'd probably be laughing my ass off. But I made a promise to myself, a promise to Quistis, and a promise to Garden; I'd regain everyone's trust and win their respect. I have no time to mess around with the idea of falling back into old habits.
I duck my chin and swivel on my heel to face Quistis. She gives me The Look, the one I really hate, the one that makes me feel so pathetic. She has this way of tilting her head, meeting my gaze with her glassy, misted-over eyes, one side of her mouth tugging upwards. It means she's proud of me and surprised that I handled things so maturely. I appreciate it that she cares, but it makes it seem like she's trying to protect me, and I don't want that. I'm the one that's supposed to be protecting her.
"Thank you Headmaster." she says primly. I lightly drape an arm about her and we walk out the door. I look back once to catch ol' Iceberg Leonheart's glare, returning it with a quick flick of my eyebrow. The atmosphere is still unsettled, but at least I'm home, and hopefully I'll be here to stay. Quisty pipes up the moment I shut the oak doors behind us.
"You did great back there." she tells me earnestly. I scoff at her words. She's saying it like I completed some impossible task, like I did something amazing that I deserve a medal for.
"Whatever." I remark, making her laugh and wiggle out from under my arm.
"You sound like Squall," she says, her eyes twinkling fondly. Great, that's just what I needed to hear. The woman I love tells me I'm starting to resemble my arch nemesis, the guy who has always gotten the best of me in every situation. I touch my scar and smirk. At least he didn't come out of it unscathed.
"Well," she goes on. "I really am proud of you for keeping your cool. You really have grown up."
"Woo-hoo. Pat me on the back cause I don't give a --" she covers my mouth before I have the chance to make an infraction and say something I shouldn't. I kiss her fingertips and her hand instantly shies away, going back to clasping my own. She's really insecure about displaying affections. I don't think she's used to engaging in stuff like this where other people could easily walk in on us. Then again, she's an Instructor and she has to maintain a professional appearance. I grin at her, taking her other hand in mine and placing them on my shoulders.
"You know," she starts, feigning annoyance. "If you're gonna do this all day you might as well --"
I cut her off with a kiss. Hmmph. That sure got her to quit complaining now didn't it? I slide one hand to the back of her neck, playing with the end of her ponytail.
"Oh please, I just ate!" a girl's voice interrupts us. Quistis yanks away, tucking stray locks of gold behind her ears.
I just put my head in my hand. Why now? I turn to see Xu walking out of the elevator, carrying a bundle of files under one arm and an iced mocha in the other. Yuck. Coffee. I hate coffee. Cold coffee, hot coffee, black coffee, creamed coffee. I could make a Dr. Suess-esque book about why I hate coffee and all the places I refuse to drink it. I only had it once, to impress the Instructor with my adult habits. Damn did I have a tough time choking that crap down. I decide to share my thoughts with Xu for lack of anything better to say. I mean, how do you recover when someone catches you in the middle of a "moment"?
"Gross. Mocha sucks." Quistis nudges me in the ribs.
"Seifer Almasy huh?" the girl looks me up and down in a critical fashion. "Quistis dear, you could do so much better than this sad excuse for a man."
I raise my eyebrows, daring her to elaborate. She just shakes her head and laughs, while Quistis offers a calm explanation.
"I never said he was a man." Quistis shrugs, a girly little smile forming on her lips.
"You'll regret saying that tonight." I retaliate, giddy as a schoolgirl when Quistis assumes the appearance of a cherry, her voice catching in her throat. I'm making it up of course, and the Instructor knows that by immediately jumping on the defense, she'll look even more guilty. Xu shoots us a questioning look, but then shakes her head, changing her mind apparently.
"Never mind, I don't think I wanna know." she hustles past us. "They're looking for you down at the cafeteria Instructor. Though I wouldn't suggest bringing that buffoon with you."
"Buffoon? Is that some kinda monkey?" But Xu shuts the door without answering. Quistis leans her head against my shoulder.
"You're thinking of baboon." she answers. I wrinkle my nose. Sometimes I hate having an active imagination; now the visualization of my head on a monkey's body is gonna be stuck in my thought process all day.
"So," I begin, trying to act casual as we step onto the elevator. "Everyone's in the cafeteria?"
"That's what Xu said." she replies dryly. The Seifer-monkey in my mind just dons a fez.
My confrontation with Cid and Squall was easier than I expected. I can't say I'm completely satisfied with the results, but it was worth the effort. Quistis helped me realize that I can't live in a trashy apartment in Balamb, working my days as a dockhand forever. Eventually I'd get too old and lose my youthful strength and endurance. And coming from a guy who has no proof of education, no diploma, no nothin', I'll eventually get stuck in circles. I don't wanna be a deadbeat, working odd jobs all my life, especially when I know I have potential as a SeeD. I just don't have the discipline yet.
I cross my arms over my chest and breathe a loud sigh, startling Quistis out of her own reminiscence. I guess I make a show out of everthing I do. People always said I was melodramatic.
"Thinking too much lately?" she inquires, a smile playing on her lips.
I shrug. "You know me. Straining my lazy brain cells to get through life."
"Oh come on!" she slaps my shoulder. It's meant to be playful but it stings like rugburn. I resist the urge to cringe.
She folds our hands together and puts them under her chin, her bright eyes gazing up at me shyly.
"Where's the Seifer I know?" she questions, pressing my knuckles to her lips. "You aren't being your normal cocky self. That worries me. Could it be that you're a little anxious?"
The doors slide open and the same annoying little 'ding!' sounds off. I use it as an excuse not to answer her as we step out of the elevator and head down the hall. Of course, the whispers, the stares, they don't cease. Many of them are fearful, hesitant, a few of them spiteful, but for the most part, they're curious. Wondering why I'm here, hand-in-hand with Instructor Trepe, showing my scarred visage back at Garden. Some small, insecure part of me wants to hold Quistis in front of me like a shield, blocking all the negativity thrown my way. But the larger part of my rationality tells me that this is hard on her too, being torn between her reputation and her heart. It's nice to know she listens to her heart.
One thing I had always remembered thinking about the Instructor, aside from how cute she'd be if she took down her silly little hairdo, was that she took her job too seriously. She was obviously fit for the position; strict, proper, down-to-business type. Sure she was pretty, but she reminded me more of a mother than she did of a teenage girl. Really... clean. Like those girls who model skin-care products. It's an unjust comparison, but that's what I got for thinking back then. She always had the last word in everything, and it usually had something to do with being safe or something. Whenever I'd mumble a cheap goodbye after class, she'd stare down at her paperwork and utter, "Take care Seifer."
I glance down at her and grin to myself. Who'd of thought I'd end up falling in love with her? We've only officially been "together" for about two weeks, but that's all the time it took for her to cast her spell on me. I wonder where I'd be if she hadn't come along? She's practically my savior; I talk to her and she talks back, treating me like I'm a person and not a vindictive monster. She's basically the only one that can look at me with a distinct fondness. Great, what the hell am I thinking now? I swear, I need to get back into playing the self-centered jerk again just so I can feel more at home in my own skin.
As soon as we reach the entrance to the cafeteria, I see them. The cowboy, the Sorceress, the messenger girl, and ol' Chickenwuss, sitting at a table together, laughing their heads off at something Selphie said. From the look on her face, I don't think she intended to make a joke, but she's laughing anyway so she doesn't spoil the fun. I feel my nerves balling up again, halting my feet as Quistis tries to lead me inside. She turns around, noticing my reluctance.
Normally I wouldn't let shit like this get to me, at least on the outside. All my life, I admit, I've had some serious indentity issues, wanting one thing but pushing it away as fast I could by doing another. I longed to be part of their inner circle, the group of friends that seemed to go through hell and back in a matter of weeks. Instead I gave them the impression that I was some self-absorbed prick who craved nothing but power and didn't need anyone else to get it. One thing people failed to recognize was that I was acting just like Squall, only more vocal. I never let myself get close to others, too wrapped up in my own personal affairs to listen to their words, regarded as an insensitive jerk all the time... the difference was, I voiced my opinions a lot more liberally. And for awhile, I don't think Squall really wanted any friends. I was just the opposite. I wanted to be admired, be respected... I wanted to belong. And now I see the little group; all people I've betrayed or tormented in some way. I tried to kill these people.
My fear had been building up to this point; this was the climax. And I couldn't face it. They had all stood side by side to the end, brothers and sisters in arms, fighting for themselves and each other. My absence in that battle signified my absence in their hearts, and ultimately in their lives. How could I ask them for forgiveness anyways? I didn't deserve any compassion they could give me, not that they'd be willing to give me anything so kind. Maybe I'd get pity at the very most, but that's something I refuse to accept.
"What's wrong *now*?" Quistis asks, slight irritation lacing her tone. I bow my head. For acting like such a hard-ass, I can be such a whiner sometimes.
"I don't wanna go in there." I reply lamely. She puts her hands on her hips and peers up at my face.
"You didn't want to talk to Cid, you didn't want to make amends with Squall... you didn't even want to get out of bed this morning. Is there anything you *do* want?"
I almost answer her question with a lewd comment, but decide against it. I'm already uncomfortable enough being back at Garden, I don't need my only emotional support beating the crap outta me. What a grand entrance that would make.
"It's easy for you to say cause these people like you! You didn't commit treason and try to get them all obliterated! They don't look at you like they wanna skin you alive and feed you to a pack of hungry Toramas!"
She puts a hand on my forehead, I suppose in the way a mother would after her kid had a bad dream. I wouldn't really know, I don't rememeber my real mother, and back at the orphanage I'd never run to Matron if I had a nightmare. I refused to acknowledge any sort of weakness, even back then.
"Seifer, you aren't going to get anything accomplished if you keep acting like a child. You need to face your demons eventually, or they'll haunt you in your old lifestyle. And then you'll spend your years wondering about what could have been."
I sigh, and she grabs my hand, forcing me into the cafeteria. I let her yank me to their table as she calls out, "Hey guys, I'm here." They all look up from their conversation to welcome her into it, but before they can greet her back, they notice me. Their smiles morph into looks of astonishment. I awkwardly wave at them.
"Nice to see y'all too." I mumble. Quistis leans up and pecks me on the cheek, still holding my hand and giving it a squeeze.
"Seifer was readmitted into Garden today." she informs them. Chickenwuss nearly chokes on a hotdog.
"Put too much relish on that?" I comment weakly, trying not to make another bad impression.
"What the hell is *he* doing here?" Zell directs it at Quistis.
"He's my boyfriend." she replies hotly. It's kinda weird, hearing her refer to me as her 'boyfriend'. I never thought we were really the boyfriend/girlfriend type. But it's kinda nice to know I have a significant title. "And he's enrolling in Garden to become a SeeD, just like you."
There's an odd silence. Selphie is looking at me with curiosity from her spot on Irvine's lap, the latter of the two has his eyebrows raised inquisitively. Rinoa is the first to push her chair back and stand up, putting one hand on my shoulder and the other on Quisty's.
"Well, it's about time you both settled down. I think you make a wonderful couple." she glances back to the others for agreement. "Don't you guys think?"
Zell shifts in his seat. Selphie sticks her tongue out.
"Sure." she then looks to me. "Been awhile captain!" She does a little salute. I almost respond with something sarcastic, but I bear in mind that she isn't mocking me. So I salute back. The messenger girl appears pleased. Now for the cowboy that's holding her. I never got to associate with him much after our days in the orphanage. I had long lost the race to become a SeeD when Squall had recruited him. The only thing I recall about Irvine is his talent as a sharpshooter. I was, after all, forced into battle with him during the Sorceress' parade in Deiling. But I'm sure my actions while under Ultimacia's control affected him too. I lean over and extend a hand to him, and he lifts his from Selphie's waist to take mine. Like Squall, he has a firm, solid handshake.
"Seifer." he says, tipping his hat.
"Irvine." I reply in same.
Zell is looking at me, confused. I think he's startled by my behavior. Hell, I'm surprising myself more than anyone.
"How's it goin', Chickenwuss?" I grin, snapping him out of his trance. His face turns bright red and I'm expecting to engage in a battle of wits, but he breaks his fury with a laugh.
"You're still the same asshole you've always been Seifer."
"It's good to be back," I answer. Rinoa motions for me and Quistis to have a seat. Everyone's gaze shifts towards us.
"Sooo?" Rinoa prods, gesturing between Quistis and I. "When did this happen?"
I shake my head. Great, I'm stuck in the middle of girl talk. Zell and Irvine appear to be thinking the same thing, only their curiosity gets the better of them.
"Well," Quistis begins, laying her head on my shoulder. "I was really getting bored with my life, tired of the same thing every day. So around two months ago --"
"A month and three weeks." I correct.
"I went down to Balamb in search of something to do, something to waste my weekend on. And that's when I found Seifer."
Zell snickers. "Waste your weekend eh? Hanging out with Seifer's the best way to do it."
"Keep it up punk." I sneer. "I'll have my gunblade soon enough and you'll be cursing the day you crossed my path."
Zell waves his hands above his head and puts on a very bored expression. "Oh no, Seifer has used another timeless cliche on me, what am I to do?"
"Eat your last hotdog before I do." Selphie replies, reaching out for his plate. "Hold me back Irvy! I'm goin' in for the kill!" She pretends Irvine is the only thing stopping her from stealing Zell's' lunch, which is fairly amusing, considering she could easily break out of his loos grasp. The Chickenwuss downs the rest of his sacred hotdog, opening his mouth to display the chewed-up remains for Selphie's viewing pleasure.
"Grooooss!" she squeals, chucking a package of salt at him.
"Y'know, the cafeteria's hotdogs aren't really made of meat..." I begin. Everyone groans. "It's true! I had to work in the kitchen for a week as punishment and I got to see where they really come from."
"Ewww!" Rinoa shrieks, burying her face in her hands. "Please don't tell me what I'm blindly putting in my stomach!"
I look at Rinoa and a question appears in my mind.
"What are you doing here?" I blurt out.
"Same to you prick!" Zell replies. I shake my head.
"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant.. well..."
Rinoa laughs. "It's okay. I'm a SeeD now too. Mr. Kramer encouraged me to take the test and plus I didn't wanna leave all my friends here... and I didn't want Squall to bend the rules for me." She shrugs. Bend the rules? I guess she means that since she's the Commander's girlfriend, he could've given her free room and board. Hell, I woulda taken the offer. But then again, I don't have the honor of being Squall's significant other. What a damn shame.
"Oh, I get it. Are you all SeeD's now?" I ask, and the group collectively nods. The lump in my throat is back. They've all succeeded, all the people I've forsaken have accomplished something I've tried multiple times to do.
"Cool, hey maybe I'll know what it's like by the time I'm 40."
I'm grateful for their laughter. It'll take awhile to fit in with them, but I'm gonna do it. As long as I know I have Quistis, I'll keep trying. I stand up.
"Well, it's been fun but I'm gonna go and find Fujin and Raijin now. I still need to pack up my crap and move in to a dorm here. You know how breathtakingly fun that's gonna be."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Quistis asks, the look in her eyes saying 'do you NEED me to go with you?'. I have to handle things on my own eventually. I kiss her gently on the forehead. "Nah, don't worry your pretty little head off about it. I'll be just fine on my own."
"Awww!" Zell pipes up. "Get the camera! Seifer-weifer's taking his first steps on his own!"
I roll my eyes. "Have fun scarfing down your processed Chocobo -- I mean hotdog." I turn around and head towards the exit.
"Hey --- is that really what they're made of? Seifer you lying son of a bitch, come back here!"
The group starts laughing again, at Zell's expense or my own, I don't really know. Don't care either. It's been too much of a day, I need to get out of here. I need to be around people who understand me, people I don't feel like I need to impress.
Fuijin and Raijin have always shown me a loyalty beyond words. They've stuck by me through thick and thin, never questioning my motives. They've always trusted me to do the right thing, and I've continually let them down by betraying their trust and dragging them into things that've ruined their reputations. I want to see them now, find out what's really been going on these past months I've hidden away in Balamb. On my way down the hall, I pass none other then Leonheart himself. He's probably heading towards the cafeteria to be with his friends... friends he doesn't deserve. Hell, what am I thinking? Like I've done anything to deserve the friends I've got? I don't have Quistis to hide behind, and he notes that as he comes around the curve. I lift my chin a little, trying not to make eye contact with him. He seems to be doing the same. As we brush past each other, our shoulders graze (purely accidental, I assure you) and I feel a spark. Not the kind fron static electricity. The kind that spawns from a deep resentment. This should be getting very interesting very soon...
To Be Continued
A/N: Not as good as I thought it would be. The chapters will get longer as I go too. Hopefully, this will be about twice as long as my last series (I'm estimating) but it'll take a lot longer for me to finish. *Shrugs* I've been busy lately, sorry! Anyways, I'm thinking about revising this but I wanted to get it up ASAP. Tell me what'cha think!
Oh, and by the way, I was wondering if any of you thought about this too... in the game, do all of the male characters seem to have their pants pulled up a little bit too high? *Shrugs* Blame the sugar rush for that question, but seriously! Look how high there pants are! 0.o