Author: Christy Anderson
You can contact me at kittyunlimited@go.com.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Paramount minus Ensign Christy Anderson and a few selected insignificant characters.
Here's part 9, one more to go.
Stars of Night (Sterne der Nacht): Part 9
It was nearing the late hours of the day, and I had been resting ever since I had finished my report. I heard the soft ringing of the door chimes and I slid over to my other side on the bed. I brought my head up slightly, but in exhaustion I fell back down onto my pillow. I heard the quick tapping of the buttons outside, but decided to ignore it. It was probably Samantha checking up on me; she would look inside, see me asleep, and then leave satisfied that I was doing better.
Instead, I felt the constant stream of light as the doors remained open. I could hear the faltering step in the doorway. "Christy?" a voice called out.
I sprang up from the bed when realized that it was not Samantha. "Tre'kent!" I gasped in joy. I stood to my feet to see Tre'kent standing there in the doorway, B'Elanna at his side.
"I promised to deliver your boyfriend," she joked. I gave her a thankful smile as she bounced nervously from foot to foot. "Well, now that I broke through your security code, ensign, I think I'll head down to Engineering- make sure your new shield modulations are working properly. See you tomorrow," she hinted.
Surprisingly, Tre'kent turned and watched her leave, as I longingly wrapped my arms around his waist. "I was so scared, all day Tre'kent," I said softly. He planted a loving kiss on my forehead.
"There was no need to be," he said as he brushed me away and off to the side. My eyebrows furrowed as I gave him a hurt look.
"What's wrong?" I asked concerned. He seemed tense and uptight, and I could easily recognize the grim and distorted look on his face.
He took my hands gently and led me to the couch. As I searched for answers in his eyes, he sighed and ducked my questioning gaze. "For the short time that you've been here, it's been indescribably lovely, profound, knowing you," he began. My mouth opened to say something but he gingerly put his finger across my lips. "Stop, Christy, you must let me finish…"
I could see the emotional turmoil on his face, the unwanted tears gathering in his eyes.
"Oh, where do I start?" he questioned desperately. He let out a formidable breath of air and then began, "First, before I begin anywhere, I have something to confess, Christy… Dr. Migfay was a full-fledged member of the resistance. To tell you the truth, I had no idea until a few weeks ago, but when you think about it, how could he not be? I didn't tell you this, but my whole life I almost idolized him; from the beginning when I began to realize how things really were, I knew that Tradition had no place in my life. When Dr. Migfay accepted my proposal of education, I felt this unbelievable fulfillment to my life. I completely thought I was doing the right thing, and I could never have imagined all the things that my life has held for me on this path. Yet when I found out that Dr. Migfay belonged to the resistance, I first felt horribly betrayed and wronged. This group of resistance has been known for their blood too; last month, they murdered a public official. Still, Dr. Migfay was so consumed and blinded with his hatred of Tradition, that his conviction and my fondness for him had me ready to join him within minutes. For awhile, I supported him fully, Christy, I really did, but Dr. Migfay cared for me too much to let me get involved."
He stopped for a moment to collect his wits and his strong emotions, then continued, "My education has become my life, Christy. When I stepped out of line, my family disowned me. Since then, I've dealt with the condemning crowds and the other implications, but after awhile it all stirs up the hate inside of you. There's only so much a person can take… In every being, there is an emotional breaking point, and this is what everyone pushed me to day after day. There were some times when I would be sitting all alone, and I'd want to die, I'd wish to die so that I wouldn't have to put up with it anymore. To be perfectly ironic, I was wishing it that night I walked into the banquet and met you, Christy. For the first time in a long time, I've felt like a human being, not inferior and outcast, and I want to keep living this way! I could never have imagined the feelings that I hold for you now. I am being nothing but truthful when I say that you have been the best thing that has happened in my life." His eyes became clouded and hazed. He shook his head and put it in his hands. "Christy, the government burned down the lab and executed Dr. Migfay for his crimes against Tradition today. He sent a last holo-message before he died. He told me, Christy, to go far away- that he chose to strike today so that I could leave on Voyager. He said that he wanted for me to complete my education, he said that he believed in me."
His voice cracked and he stopped. I reached my hand up and wiped away two of his tears. Here was a young man with his dreams shattered, and his home exiling him. "I am so sorry," I apologized quietly, hoping for the best, but knowing that my small comfort wouldn't be enough to quell his tears.
"Why should you apologize?" he erupted. "You've done nothing wrong; in fact, I've done everything wrong. I've been selfish lately, and now I realize how I shouldn't have led you on this way. Before in my life, my actions have literally ripped my heart in two, but I became too selfish and personal and now besides myself I'm going to hurt someone that I love deeply, so deeply… you, Christy," he said harshly.
"I don't understand," I began, my voice quivering with fear. His words seemed to set off the mental alarm in my head as I dejectedly realized the only thing he could mean.
"I can't go with you and Voyager, Christy," he said as he put his hand on my mouth to stop my oncoming protests. "The Captain offered me asylum, but I can't take it. Don't you see? You showed me the will to live. You showed me the passion you have as you go on doing the very thing you were called from the beginning to do- explore. I am being called now to finish Dr. Migfay's work. I feel the inexpressible need to correct the injustices that society presses upon us the correct and peaceful way. I need to show my world how far we can go without the strict rules of our Tradition. I have to stay here on my world and make a difference for the future generations to come. I would be no one and a coward if I ran away from this problem, even if it meant turning away from the one I love."
"You can't go back, Tre'kent, it is foolish thinking. The soldiers will track you down and kill you within hours!"
He shrugged. "Maybe so, but my death would be to some effect."
I shook my head, already on the verge of hysterics. "Tre'kent, you don't understand that there are times when last stands will make no difference to anyone. If you were to go back down to your world now, you'd die in vain! Every effort that you have made would be in vain! It would all cease to exist! You can't stay here!" I demanded.
"Christy, I know that you are in emotional pain, but it is very unfair of you to ask me to stay," he replied sadly.
I shook my head violently. "You can't expect me to just accept this! To sit here and watch you throw your talented life away on a hopeless cause!" I yelled.
"You taught me what hope was, Christy. It is facing the insurmountable odds in the face of opposition and bravely moving forward. Even if none of this had happened, you knew Voyager wouldn't be here forever. You had to have been prepared to leave without me."
Sobs began to rack my entire being. "I was hoping that I could convince you to stay," I managed between sobs. Tre'kent put his arm on my back to comfort me. He lifted my face up to meet his.
"Even if I die while pursuing this goal, I never want you to doubt how much I love you," he said genuinely, "But I realized too that it wouldn't be fair to you if I asked you to stay here on this planet and die with me. You have a wonderful life, here on Voyager, and I saw that firsthand. However, I should have been more humble, more conscientious of your feelings, I got too close to you! I hate myself for the pain I know I am going to put you through! But after that pain has subsided, I know that I'll never regret the time we had together."
"You don't have to be the hero," I implied.
He let his hand brush up against the side of my face. "When you've seen what I've seen over the years, you'll understand why it has to be this way…" With one sweeping move he dried my tears on his arm.
His offered comfort did very little to calm the insuperable anger I had inside. Silently he offered me his shoulder to cry on. "A few months ago, I lost my family, Tre'kent, possibly forever. I lost the family that I loved dearly, and I just can't take losing you once I've found love again." At the end of my words, I burst into uncontrollable sobs. I could feel the seeping wetness of his shirt as I cried harder, but I only held on tighter and refused to let go.
"Christy, you are wrong," he began, "you have a strong, unbreakable spirit," he said as he lifted up my tear-stained face again and pointed me out my window. "Look out there, see those millions of shining stars. Watch them quietly and just look. Anyone who has known you understands that those stars are what you draw your strength from; your Father taught you that. I know that during your loneliest moments, you sit here and bask in their comfort. They have kept you going, Christy, and those stars will pull you through this as well. You are never without your strength or comfort," he said as he broke himself away from me. He dried my tears again. "I don't want to see you cry, there is nothing here to be sorrowful about. You've gained one hundred and fifty people, here on this ship as well, that love and care for you… you will always manage to manage. But you will never know how much you broke my heart. I guess when I started talking to you tonight, all I have meant to say was good bye." He rose to leave, but my wanting arms reached out for him and pulled him back down.
We sat down inches apart yet steadily becoming separated by thousands of parsecs. "I can't let you leave, Tre'kent, until I tell you how much I love you," I began falteringly.
"What's holding you back?" he asked.
"Nothing, I guess," I said breathlessly. I looked up at the person I loved, yet was about to lose. "Ich liebe Sie so sehr… I love you so much," I said as I drew him into a kiss that I wished would last forever.
He reciprocated another pining kiss, but then pulled away, so much unsaid and undone. "Good night," he said solidly as he walked out of my dark quarters and into the corridor.
As soon as he had left, I dropped my brave façade and cried until I could physically cry no more. I grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly to my chest, listening to the soft sound of my own heart beating. And as my heart was breaking, my eyes remained riveted out the window, drawing from my personal strength… die Sterne der Nacht.
To be continued…