Would You Hire This Guy part 5
Disclaimer : Don't own the X-men, no money, just for fun.
Authors' note: Well this is the last chapter of the series. We hope you have enjoyed it. We have plans for a few more series in the future so keep an eye open for them. But in the meantime we will be returning to our own neglected stories. Thanks for all the reviews.
It was very early on Christmas Eve morning and the mall had just opened. It was already packed with all the last minute shoppers. Remy and Logan decided rather than separate and then have to find each other later they would stick together. They would buy what they came to get, and then leave without hesitation using the same tactics involved in any well planned commando raid.
They made their first stop at a high-class jewelry store and started to browse.
"Who are we shopping for?" asked Remy, looking at the jewelry.
"Red," said Logan, eyeing a diamond necklace.
"Are you crazy mon ami? Cyke will have a stroke!" Remy shouted.
Logan just turned to Remy and gave him an evil smile to indicate that he had 'hit the nail on the head' with that last comment.
"That would make it a merry Christmas after all," Logan added
Remy shook his head in dismay "Well, don't spend t' much."
"Why don't you stop being my Mom!"
"Only trying t' help mon ami. How 'bout dis one?" as he points to a small silver bracelet.
As the two men continued to argue, the sales person, who had over heard part of their conversation, leaned over to her business associate and said, "Why are all the good looking guys gay?"
Logan's head snapped up, and he looked at the clerk in shock and confusion and said, "We're not gay."
Remy turned around and stared at the sales lady. He was about to add his comments as well but the look on Logan's face made him reconsider.
As Logan tried to explain to the saleslady what kind of present he wanted, Remy stared down at the counter, focusing on every scratch, just so he wouldn't laugh.
The endless growling noises during the decision-making process finally ceased once Logan decided on a locket for Jean and made the purchase.
As they exited the store, Remy spun around, saying. "See what I have t' put up with?"
"Gumbo, you ain't my type," growled Logan leaving the store.
The store clerk said to her associate, "See, I told you he was gay."
Once outside the store Remy, in between laughing, asked, "who is your type? Scott?"
Logan stopped dead in his tracks and spun around. Remy thought he was a dead man. The look on Logan's face made it quite clear that the topic ended right then and there. Remy raised his hands to signal that he would not continue. But added under his breath "Dis guy can't take a joke"
Logan heard what Remy had muttered and thought 'We'll see who can't take a joke'
Remy stopped in front of a lingerie store and said, " I know what else I should get Roguey."
Logan just smiled as he followed Remy into the store. As soon as they walked in, a saleslady walked over to Remy and asked if he needed help, which he declined so she approached Logan.
"Do you need any help sir?"
"I'm looking for something special for a lady friend of mine," he said looking through a rack of sexy negligées.
"Can you tell me what size she is?" asked the saleslady a little disappointed.
"Uh no," said Logan watching Remy looking through silk pajamas.
"Can you describe her?"
"Well she's about 5'8, about 120 pounds, has brown hair, green eyes and her boyfriend is the biggest bonehead I've ever known."
This caught the lady off guard but she was curious to know why this man kept grinning at the other man with sunglasses on.
"Isn't that so, Gumbo?"
"What?" said Remy, half-listening.
"That Rogue has a bonehead for a boyfriend?"
"Oui," said Remy, who immediately looked up and yelled, "Hey!" when Logan started laughing.
"Go back to your nighties Cajun," said Logan then turning to the saleslady, "So, can you help me?"
"I do believe we can," she said pulling out an assortment of lingerie.
"I believe this will match her eyes," said the clerk, holding up a bra and panty set.
"That's perfect," said Logan, not caring about the size, just a certain Cajun's reaction.
Remy walked over to Logan and the saleslady. He looked from the bra to Logan and back again.
"Over my dead body homme," said Remy in a loud voice.
"That can be arranged bub," said Logan grinning.
"Bring it on Wol-ver-ine," said Remy clutching a rack of bras, trying his best to not use his powers.
It took Logan all of his self-control not to start laughing. The thought of a battle in a lingerie store was too much.
"And what are you gonna do?" chuckled Logan, "start throwing bras at me."
The saleslady slowly backed away from the pair, unsure if there was going to be a brawl over the taller mans girlfriend.
" Besides, after the incident in the bar, maybe she would," stated Logan, with his eyebrow raised.
"Dat's it, I'm leaving, you asshole," said Remy stomping out of the store.
"Get back here you big baby, I was kidding," said Logan following him out of the store. "Now, who's the one that can't take a joke?"
Remy and Logan walked through the mall in silence, every so often Remy would look at Logan. Logan would just laugh at him everytime.
They where nearing the food court when Logan stopped dead in his tracks. Logan sniffed the air and groaned.
"Just flamin lovely, seeing that witch just makes my Christmas complete."
Remy was about to ask him what he was mumbling about when a tall women with long blonde hair, came up behind him and put her arms around him and purred in his ear.
"How's my favorite future son in law?"
Remy spun around and removed Mystiques arms from him. Logan just stood there and growled at her.
"You been in de eggnog again Mystique?" asked Remy.
"What is wrong with spreading a little Christmas cheer?" said Mystique feigning a hurt look.
"You off your rocker? What are you up to? The only time you're this happy is when you're screwing someone over," growled Logan.
"Oh Logan," she purred walking up to him and placing her hand under his chin, "you know me so well."
Remy just shook his head in disgust, "I t'ink I need a shower."
Mystique turned her head and glared at him. Logan stepped around Mystique and kept walking away, with Remy beside him.
"Pleasure as always Mystique, hope someone nails you this Christmas," growled Logan, over his shoulder.
"But Logan, I've already been nailed by the best," she laughed.
That stopped Logan for a moment, but then he kept going not looking back.
"Don't remind me," he mumbled.
Remy walking beside Logan, looked at him and said, "Merde, dat's just gross."
"I don't want to talk about it," yelled Logan, "let's just get this done."
Remy stopped in front of another jewelry store and looked in the window, he saw a pair of emerald earrings with diamonds encircling them.
"Dat's it!" shouted Remy like a kid in a candy store.
* * *
With the chore of shopping completed, the men made a hasty retreat to their vehicle through one of the mall's department stores. As Logan was walking past the cosmetics counter he stopped cold and wrinkled his nose. Turning on the heels of his cowboy boots, he went back to where the perfumes were being displayed on the counter. Taking a few more sniffs in the air he grabbed the offending bottle to read the label. Poison.
"This is that crap I've been smelling for days!" Logan barked
Remy looked at the bottle, took a sniff and nodded his head.
"Dat woman at de agency reeked of dis stuff, she must of bathed in it" Remy said
Logan made a 'bitter beer face' and added, " After being in that room with her, it buggered up my nose. It was all I could smell for literally days."
He put the bottle back on the counter and they both left the store to hurry home and wrap their gifts.
* * *
* CHRISTMAS MORNING *
5:30am
Jubilee was the first to get up and raced downstairs to look at the tree. Like a little kid, she hovered around the tree trying to find all the gifts that had her name on them.
5:45am
Jubilee couldn't wait and decided that it was about time the rest of the team got up. She ran down the hall, knocking on everyone's door telling everyone it was time to get up already.
* * *
Meanwhile, at the home of the Brotherhood.
Mystique went to answer the knock at the door. There was Sabertooth, looking all menacing in the small doorway.
"I'm here for breakfast" he growled as he walked around her, not waiting to be invited in.
"We've already finished. We were about to open our presents."
Sabertooth just ignored her and began to raid the fridge. Mystique and the rest of the Brotherhood continued to open their gifts while Victor gorged.
When Sabertooth was finished stuffing himself he joined the others in the room where the Christmas tree stood. He found that they had finished opening their gifts. But under the tree he spied one left that no one had claimed.
Sabertooth grabbed the remaining gift from under the tree.
"This doesn't say who it's to. It just says from Santa" he spoke to the room of people.
No one made any attempt to claim the gift or explain its presence so he opened it.
"It's a video tape," he said in an unimpressed voice, turning the unmarked tape in his hands.
"Well, put it in the machine already!" Avalanche said impatiently
Victor let out a low growl and gave him a 'don't push me you jerk' look. He placed the tape in the video machine and pushed play.
After a few moments of snow the movie began. It was clearly a home made film and from it's jerky movements and positioning quite possibly a hidden camera. The location appeared to be a Santa's photo mall display and the subject of the movie was Santa himself.
After a few moments, to the surprise of everyone in the room, Victor let out a roar of laughter. No one else had seen anything funny so far.
"What's so funny Victor" Toad asked
"Bwahahaha...it's *gasp * it's ...hahaha.... the RUNT!!!"
After a brief moment of silence the rest of the room exploded with laughter. The laughing was non-stop for the length of the movie.
Then the movie ended in more snow. Everyone began to groan from the ache of laughing too much. They were wiping the tears from their eyes when something new appeared on the television. This time the scene was dark and there was loud music playing. Then a voice could be heard announcing a dancer called the Canucklehead. As the dancer appeared on the stage Sabertooth let out a roar of laughter that nearly brought down the roof.
* * *
Back at the mansion
* * *
Everyone was awake now thanks to Jubilee. Scott was feeling the need for some Christmas music so he got up and headed towards the stereo.
Seeing this everyone was on full alert, Rogue jumped up, practically knocking Remy off the couch.
"Ah don't think so Scotty, not this year," she said standing with her hands on her hips in front of the stereo.
Scott looked around at the faces of his fellow Xmen. What he saw shocked him, he knew if he took a step further he would see the full brunt of everyone's powers.
"Why not, it's Christmas. Besides it is a classic," said Scott in his leader voice.
Wolverine stood up this time and walked over to Scott, pointing his finger in his face, "Because you promised us last year there would be no more, that's why bub."
Jean stood up and put her arm around her husband, "You did promise, Scott."
"Alright, alright," he said with his hands in the air, "but I want it noted that Christmas is not Christmas without Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers singing the classics." Then he sat down, pouting.
Everyone sighed in relief as Jean turned to the group and asked, "Is the radio fine with everyone?"
Everyone nodded their agreement as Jubilee jumped up.
"I'm tired of waiting, can I hand them out yet," she cried.
"Go ahead," said Wolverine.
Jubilee kneeled in front of the massive tree and grabbed the first present she saw and read the tag.
"From Remy to Bishop, okay," she stuck her head under the tree to find the one from Bishop to Remy, so they could open each other's present at the same time.
"Ok got it," she said standing up, handing the presents to their respective owner.
"Thank you Jubilation."
"Merci, petite."
The two men ripped open the brightly colored packages to reveal the same thing, fruitcake.
Everyone thought it was a strange gift, but for some reason Remy and Bishop started to laugh.
"That better not be the theme this year," said Rogue glaring at Remy.
"I never called you a fruitcake," cried Remy, throwing his hands in the air.
The doorbell chimed and Jean stood up to answer it. As she opened the door, Sinister walked in, not waiting to be invited in.
"Fools all of you," Sinister bellowed, then he handed Jean a pie dish and said, "but I baked this myself."
"How nice, thank you," said Jean as she handed him a gift certificate for Denny's.
Sinister eyed it for a moment and said, "And you people wonder why I try and kill you all the time," he yelled, "Just a little DNA, is that too much to ask for Summers," he continued to rant as he slammed the door behind him.
"What bug crawled up his ass?" said Jubilee.
Everyone looked at Jubilee, but before they could say anything she said, "What? You know it's true."
Jubilee went back to the tree and pulled out a big box, she eyed the tag.
"To Remy from Ororo. It's too heavy Gambit, come get it yourself," said Jubilee.
All of a sudden, the box started to rise in the air and levitated over towards Remy. As the package floated over Remy's lap, it dropped.
"UGH, Merci Jean," said Remy in pain, his voice also slightly higher.
"Your welcome Ace," said Jean with a big smile on her face.
Remy ripped the paper off the package, he was watching Ororo and Jean. They both looked like they were going to burst from trying not to laugh. He opened the box, looking in it and was shocked.
"Ha ha ha, Stormy," Remy said pulling out the cards in the box, it was full of Ace of Heart cards.
Jubilee tossed a present at Storm and said, "Catch."
Ororo caught the small present in the air and began to unwrap it, mumbling "thank the goddess it isn't fruitcake."
"I heard dat."
Storm looked up and smiled sweetly at Remy. She was confused when she saw her gift and eyed him in hopes of an explanation
"Double sided tape, so you have no more accidents with dat dress."
Logan let out a howl that everyone thought was his form of laughter, after a minute he started wiping the tears from his eyes.
Rogue gave Remy a little shove that knocked him off the arm of the couch. Jean and Betsy couldn't remember what happened, so they found the gift uninteresting. Warren was counting his money and Scott was still pouting.
"What? She has a problem, now she can fix it."
"Men," groaned Rogue.
"That's ok Remy. It's lovely," said Ororo, in a voice that told everyone she didn't like it.
Jubilee saw a large gift with her name on it and grabbed it.
"Me next" she said, all excited as she started to open the gift.
Logan smiled, anxious to see the look of surprise on her face. This was the gift he had searched high and low to get her. She ripped off the wrapping and when she realized what it was jumped up in delight.
"Oh Wolvie! Thank you! A playstation 2! That's exactly what I wanted"
"Well, let's hook it up and see what it's like" said Logan
Jubilee opened the box and pulled out the machine. She continued to hunt around the box and packaging before turning back to Logan
"Where's the game?"
"What do you mean? It's in your hands"
"No, I mean the game. This is just the machine"
Logan rolled his eyes in defeat. 'Would nothing go right this Christmas?' he thought.
"Oh cool" said Jubilee turning up the radio, "Leroy the redneck reindeer is my favorite Christmas song." Her useless playstation forgotten in less than 5 minutes, and pushed back under the tree.
Just then there was another knock at the door. Jean, realizing that no one else was going to move, got up again to get it.
This time it was Magneto standing there. Jean asked him to come in and closed the door behind him.
"Hear me, there is a war coming," he shouted, "but for today I have a gift for Charles. It a one way paid vacation to Genosha," he said holding out the envelope in his hand.
"Oh I'm sure he'll love that. I'll be sure to give it to him" Jean replied as she took the gift. Then she grabbed one of the gift certificates from the pile at the door and handed it to him.
"It's for Denny's," she said extremely happy with herself. Magneto looked at the certificate without expression.
Magneto entered the living room and scanned the crowd that was there. No one even acknowledged him, as they were all engrossed in their conversations. So he just took a seat near the window when he noticed the fruitcake on the table.
"Oh fruitcake! I just love fruitcake. Do you mind if I have some?"
Logan leaned over and whispered to Remy "That explains all his henchmen"
"Help yourself," Remy said holding back his laughter at Logan's comment, "Take de whole t'ing."
"Thanks," Magneto said as he took a piece.
"You can have mine too," Bishop added and watched Magneto's eyes light up.
Rogue then jumped up and ran to the kitchen then quickly returned with another fruitcake.
"Here ya go. Ya can have this one too," she said.
"This is the best Christmas ever," said Magneto choking back his tears of joy.
Storm walked over to Rogue to ask in a whisper "Isn't that cake from last year?"
"SSsshhh...yes, but they last forever you know." Rogue said as quietly as she could.
On the radio the weather announcer came on and said, "Its cold out there folks. It would be a good idea to keep your clothes on."
"That might be a problem for Logan and Remy," said Betsy laughing.
All of the women laughed with the exception of Jubilee.
Jubilee just shook her head, thinking they were weird. She grabbed another present and read the tag.
"To Rogue, love Remy. Awww isn't that sweet," she said handing the present to Rogue.
Rogue unwrapped her present and started to cry as she opened it. Everyone let out a sigh of relief.
"They're beautiful sugah," said Rogue showing everyone.
"They are beautiful Rogue," said Jean.
Rogue stopped and looked at Remy.
"Ya didn't steal these did you?" she asked suspiciously.
"NON!" bellowed Remy.
"Just checkin' sugah, don't have a fit."
Remy looked at Bishop, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Remy leaned over and broke off a piece of the fruitcake that was on the table in front of Magneto, and tossed at him
"Shut up Bishop."
Bishop dodged the cake, and said, "I don't recall saying a thing," still grinning.
Jubilee handed Remy his present from Rogue. Rogue was showing Ororo her present but turned just in time to see Remy opening his gift.
"Not here sugah," she said snatching the present from his hands.
"Why not chere?"
"Because we don't need an audience."
"Listen to her Gumbo. You do not want to open that present here," said Logan with a big grin on his face.
"Ah hate your sense of smell sometimes Wolvie," said Rogue throwing a crumpled piece of wrapping paper at him.
Remy looked from Rogue to Logan and back again, he was dying to know what it was.
"I'll be back," said Remy, taking the gift from Rogue and standing up.
"Come on no fair," yelled Jubilee.
"Now Jubilee, it's between two adults and if they don't want to share they don't have to," said Jean.
Betsy rolled her eyes, just as Remy walked back in the room, beaming like the Christmas tree.
"Well do ya like?" asked Rogue urgently.
"I like," said Remy nodding with enthusiasm.
Logan looked at every face in the room and shook his head in disgust.
"It's not what you think, ya bunch of perverts," he bellowed, "What does the X in Xmen stand for anyway."
After that, nobody really cared what Rogue had gotten Remy, so they didn't see the wink Logan gave Rogue and she smiled her thanks in return.
Once again Jubilee went under the tree to hunt for more presents.
She found a gift for Logan and handed it to him. Logan read the tag to see that it was from both Storm and Rogue. Both the women start to giggle as Logan opened his gift to find one of those mounted trout novelty gifts that sings 'bad to the bone'.
"Ha ha that's really funny," said Logan dripping with sarcasm
He then got up and grabbed two gifts from under the tree. One for Storm and one for Rogue respectively.
"Here, I hope you like them," said Logan, "we're gonna have lots of fun with them."
Remy immediately stood up, walked over and sat by the girls, he didn't like the sound of that. He gave Logan a look that said 'if you did, you die'. The women both tore into their presents. Storms and Rogue were surprised to find they had both received similar gifts. Logan had gotten them fishing tackle and lures.
They looked at each other then at Logan.
"What are we gonna do with these?" asked Ororo, looking over her present.
" Ladies, you're gonna ask me to go fishing with you," said Logan, getting excited at the prospect of going fishing.
"We don't fish sugah," said Rogue hoping this was a bad dream.
Logan put his arms around both of the women and said, "Well now you do."
"You do realize you're obsessed?" said Ororo, who was looking at Remy for help.
"Don't look at me," he said laughing at the thought of Rogue and Ororo fishing with Logan.
Just as Jean settled back in her chair there was yet another knock at the door.
"Nobody worry, I'll get it." She said in a martyred voice. Everyone just ignored her.
At the door were Avalanche, Toad, and Blob. They were about to enter the mansion, but Jean stood in front of them, taking the wrapped parcels from them, she then handed them their Denny's gift certificates and slammed the door in their faces.
"This won't even cover the appetizer's," Blob yelled through the door.
Jean quickly scanned the gifts to make sure there were no explosives in it. Satisfied they were safe, she walked back into the living room, leaving the presents where they were
Jean went over and grabbed a gift from under the tree. She walked over to Logan and handed him his present from her. He looked up and smiled sweetly at her.
"Thanks Red," he said.
He ripped off the wrap to find a pair of red silk boxers. He looked up at her trying to interpret their meaning.
She saw his look and started to explain "I thought the G-string looked really uncomfortable. It looked like a really tight fit. I thought you might prefer these."
Logan was ecstatic. Not only had she been checking him out but, Cyclops looked like his head was going to explode.
"Thanks Red, that was the best gift ever" he then pointed to a small but beautifully wrapped present and said "Open that one Jean. It's for you"
Jean took the gift and sat down to open it. Inside she found a beautiful gold locket.
"Oh Logan, it's beautiful" she cooed as she held it up for all to see.
Remy and Logan both looked at Cyclops who was starting to shake like he was reaching critical mass. Both men thought it was funny.
Jean opened the locket to find it contained a picture of Cyclops inside. Jean was nearly in tears as she showed the gift to her husband.
Cyclops looked up at Logan with surprise. He didn't expect to see his picture there.
"Thanks Logan, You kinda surprised me"
"It was nothing Cyke. There is nothing I enjoy more than cuttin' your face outta pictures"
Trying to be discreet, Betsy and Warren grab their gifts and begin to leave, not wanting to open them up in front of anyone. Betsy had gotten Warren handcuffs and edible underwear and Warren had gotten Betsy kinky, scented oils.
Remy watched the pair leave the room with their gifts and turned to Logan. Logan could easily smell what the gifts were and whispered the answer to Remy's unspoken question. Both men burst out laughing.
"How about a game of pool, Ace?" Logan asked. He was getting tired of just sitting.
"Sounds good ta me" Remy got up to leave for the rec. room.
Just as Jean was about to get comfortable on the couch again, there was another knock at the door.
"Aaahhhhh!" she yelled as she bolted for the door again. She flung the door open to find Mystique standing there. Jean stood aside to let her in and handed her the standard Dennys'gift certificate.
"Thanks Jean, How did you know that was my favorite restaurant?"
Jean's eyes widen and she smiled. Finally someone who liked the gift she had chosen. Jean got a warm and fuzzy feeling and invited Mystique into the living room.
"I'm here to see Rogue. Is she here?" Mystique asked
"Oh yeah, she's in the living room with everyone else."
"Thanks," said Mystique just walking right by Jean.
As Mystique was heading to the living room, she could hear two familiar voices coming from another room. She decided to go there instead.
"Just who I wanted to see," she said to herself, smiling.
Mystique quietly entered the rec. room to find the two men playing pool. Actually, they were doing more bickering like a married couple than actual playing.
"Why are all the good looking one's gay?" she purred, leaning against the doorframe.
Logan and Remy spun around quickly at the sound of that voice.
"What do you what?" he growled at her in a most unfriendly manner.
Unfazed by the welcome, Mystique wasn't expecting more from Logan considering their history, she walked into the room with confidence.
"I just wanted to give you guys your Christmas gift" she accentuated the statement by putting her hand on her hip and positioning herself into a sexy pose.
The men stood waiting, ready to do battle if necessary, but not sure what their gift could possibly be when suddenly, she morphed.
She first became the woman from the agency, "So your name Logan Logan," she said walking into the room.
Remy and Logan just stared at her flabbergasted.
Mystique then suddenly changed into Santa's elf helper, "Are you ready for them Santa?" she purred, with her hands on her hips.
Next, she changed into the platinum blond that was hitting on Logan from the front row of the bar, "Wanna dance Romeo."
Logan thanked the big guy upstairs, he didn't pursue that women any further. Remy just stood there in a state of shock.
"No wonder, they stank like they bathed in that perfume," said Logan to Remy.
Just when the boys thought she was done she changed again. This time she changed into...The Raven!
Logan turned to Remy and yelled, "The Raven! We should have known right then."
Remy nodded his agreement, still in shock.
The Raven spoke "Merry Christmas guys. I know it will be one you will never forget. I know I won't."
The last thing Mystique saw as she turned to go was a charged billiard ball coming at her head.
The end.
Ok, expect the next part of our stories, "The Twilight Hour" and "Calm before the Storm" by Valkyrie and "Sinister's Last Stand" and "We still don't know what we did last night" by Tara, very soon. We thank you for your patients in waiting for the next parts to the above stories, so we could finish this one as soon as possible. Also if you can't remember the stories this is your chance to go back and reread them.
Remember review, review, review. This is our first collaboration and your feedback is important to us.
Disclaimer : Don't own the X-men, no money, just for fun.
Authors' note: Well this is the last chapter of the series. We hope you have enjoyed it. We have plans for a few more series in the future so keep an eye open for them. But in the meantime we will be returning to our own neglected stories. Thanks for all the reviews.
It was very early on Christmas Eve morning and the mall had just opened. It was already packed with all the last minute shoppers. Remy and Logan decided rather than separate and then have to find each other later they would stick together. They would buy what they came to get, and then leave without hesitation using the same tactics involved in any well planned commando raid.
They made their first stop at a high-class jewelry store and started to browse.
"Who are we shopping for?" asked Remy, looking at the jewelry.
"Red," said Logan, eyeing a diamond necklace.
"Are you crazy mon ami? Cyke will have a stroke!" Remy shouted.
Logan just turned to Remy and gave him an evil smile to indicate that he had 'hit the nail on the head' with that last comment.
"That would make it a merry Christmas after all," Logan added
Remy shook his head in dismay "Well, don't spend t' much."
"Why don't you stop being my Mom!"
"Only trying t' help mon ami. How 'bout dis one?" as he points to a small silver bracelet.
As the two men continued to argue, the sales person, who had over heard part of their conversation, leaned over to her business associate and said, "Why are all the good looking guys gay?"
Logan's head snapped up, and he looked at the clerk in shock and confusion and said, "We're not gay."
Remy turned around and stared at the sales lady. He was about to add his comments as well but the look on Logan's face made him reconsider.
As Logan tried to explain to the saleslady what kind of present he wanted, Remy stared down at the counter, focusing on every scratch, just so he wouldn't laugh.
The endless growling noises during the decision-making process finally ceased once Logan decided on a locket for Jean and made the purchase.
As they exited the store, Remy spun around, saying. "See what I have t' put up with?"
"Gumbo, you ain't my type," growled Logan leaving the store.
The store clerk said to her associate, "See, I told you he was gay."
Once outside the store Remy, in between laughing, asked, "who is your type? Scott?"
Logan stopped dead in his tracks and spun around. Remy thought he was a dead man. The look on Logan's face made it quite clear that the topic ended right then and there. Remy raised his hands to signal that he would not continue. But added under his breath "Dis guy can't take a joke"
Logan heard what Remy had muttered and thought 'We'll see who can't take a joke'
Remy stopped in front of a lingerie store and said, " I know what else I should get Roguey."
Logan just smiled as he followed Remy into the store. As soon as they walked in, a saleslady walked over to Remy and asked if he needed help, which he declined so she approached Logan.
"Do you need any help sir?"
"I'm looking for something special for a lady friend of mine," he said looking through a rack of sexy negligées.
"Can you tell me what size she is?" asked the saleslady a little disappointed.
"Uh no," said Logan watching Remy looking through silk pajamas.
"Can you describe her?"
"Well she's about 5'8, about 120 pounds, has brown hair, green eyes and her boyfriend is the biggest bonehead I've ever known."
This caught the lady off guard but she was curious to know why this man kept grinning at the other man with sunglasses on.
"Isn't that so, Gumbo?"
"What?" said Remy, half-listening.
"That Rogue has a bonehead for a boyfriend?"
"Oui," said Remy, who immediately looked up and yelled, "Hey!" when Logan started laughing.
"Go back to your nighties Cajun," said Logan then turning to the saleslady, "So, can you help me?"
"I do believe we can," she said pulling out an assortment of lingerie.
"I believe this will match her eyes," said the clerk, holding up a bra and panty set.
"That's perfect," said Logan, not caring about the size, just a certain Cajun's reaction.
Remy walked over to Logan and the saleslady. He looked from the bra to Logan and back again.
"Over my dead body homme," said Remy in a loud voice.
"That can be arranged bub," said Logan grinning.
"Bring it on Wol-ver-ine," said Remy clutching a rack of bras, trying his best to not use his powers.
It took Logan all of his self-control not to start laughing. The thought of a battle in a lingerie store was too much.
"And what are you gonna do?" chuckled Logan, "start throwing bras at me."
The saleslady slowly backed away from the pair, unsure if there was going to be a brawl over the taller mans girlfriend.
" Besides, after the incident in the bar, maybe she would," stated Logan, with his eyebrow raised.
"Dat's it, I'm leaving, you asshole," said Remy stomping out of the store.
"Get back here you big baby, I was kidding," said Logan following him out of the store. "Now, who's the one that can't take a joke?"
Remy and Logan walked through the mall in silence, every so often Remy would look at Logan. Logan would just laugh at him everytime.
They where nearing the food court when Logan stopped dead in his tracks. Logan sniffed the air and groaned.
"Just flamin lovely, seeing that witch just makes my Christmas complete."
Remy was about to ask him what he was mumbling about when a tall women with long blonde hair, came up behind him and put her arms around him and purred in his ear.
"How's my favorite future son in law?"
Remy spun around and removed Mystiques arms from him. Logan just stood there and growled at her.
"You been in de eggnog again Mystique?" asked Remy.
"What is wrong with spreading a little Christmas cheer?" said Mystique feigning a hurt look.
"You off your rocker? What are you up to? The only time you're this happy is when you're screwing someone over," growled Logan.
"Oh Logan," she purred walking up to him and placing her hand under his chin, "you know me so well."
Remy just shook his head in disgust, "I t'ink I need a shower."
Mystique turned her head and glared at him. Logan stepped around Mystique and kept walking away, with Remy beside him.
"Pleasure as always Mystique, hope someone nails you this Christmas," growled Logan, over his shoulder.
"But Logan, I've already been nailed by the best," she laughed.
That stopped Logan for a moment, but then he kept going not looking back.
"Don't remind me," he mumbled.
Remy walking beside Logan, looked at him and said, "Merde, dat's just gross."
"I don't want to talk about it," yelled Logan, "let's just get this done."
Remy stopped in front of another jewelry store and looked in the window, he saw a pair of emerald earrings with diamonds encircling them.
"Dat's it!" shouted Remy like a kid in a candy store.
* * *
With the chore of shopping completed, the men made a hasty retreat to their vehicle through one of the mall's department stores. As Logan was walking past the cosmetics counter he stopped cold and wrinkled his nose. Turning on the heels of his cowboy boots, he went back to where the perfumes were being displayed on the counter. Taking a few more sniffs in the air he grabbed the offending bottle to read the label. Poison.
"This is that crap I've been smelling for days!" Logan barked
Remy looked at the bottle, took a sniff and nodded his head.
"Dat woman at de agency reeked of dis stuff, she must of bathed in it" Remy said
Logan made a 'bitter beer face' and added, " After being in that room with her, it buggered up my nose. It was all I could smell for literally days."
He put the bottle back on the counter and they both left the store to hurry home and wrap their gifts.
* * *
* CHRISTMAS MORNING *
5:30am
Jubilee was the first to get up and raced downstairs to look at the tree. Like a little kid, she hovered around the tree trying to find all the gifts that had her name on them.
5:45am
Jubilee couldn't wait and decided that it was about time the rest of the team got up. She ran down the hall, knocking on everyone's door telling everyone it was time to get up already.
* * *
Meanwhile, at the home of the Brotherhood.
Mystique went to answer the knock at the door. There was Sabertooth, looking all menacing in the small doorway.
"I'm here for breakfast" he growled as he walked around her, not waiting to be invited in.
"We've already finished. We were about to open our presents."
Sabertooth just ignored her and began to raid the fridge. Mystique and the rest of the Brotherhood continued to open their gifts while Victor gorged.
When Sabertooth was finished stuffing himself he joined the others in the room where the Christmas tree stood. He found that they had finished opening their gifts. But under the tree he spied one left that no one had claimed.
Sabertooth grabbed the remaining gift from under the tree.
"This doesn't say who it's to. It just says from Santa" he spoke to the room of people.
No one made any attempt to claim the gift or explain its presence so he opened it.
"It's a video tape," he said in an unimpressed voice, turning the unmarked tape in his hands.
"Well, put it in the machine already!" Avalanche said impatiently
Victor let out a low growl and gave him a 'don't push me you jerk' look. He placed the tape in the video machine and pushed play.
After a few moments of snow the movie began. It was clearly a home made film and from it's jerky movements and positioning quite possibly a hidden camera. The location appeared to be a Santa's photo mall display and the subject of the movie was Santa himself.
After a few moments, to the surprise of everyone in the room, Victor let out a roar of laughter. No one else had seen anything funny so far.
"What's so funny Victor" Toad asked
"Bwahahaha...it's *gasp * it's ...hahaha.... the RUNT!!!"
After a brief moment of silence the rest of the room exploded with laughter. The laughing was non-stop for the length of the movie.
Then the movie ended in more snow. Everyone began to groan from the ache of laughing too much. They were wiping the tears from their eyes when something new appeared on the television. This time the scene was dark and there was loud music playing. Then a voice could be heard announcing a dancer called the Canucklehead. As the dancer appeared on the stage Sabertooth let out a roar of laughter that nearly brought down the roof.
* * *
Back at the mansion
* * *
Everyone was awake now thanks to Jubilee. Scott was feeling the need for some Christmas music so he got up and headed towards the stereo.
Seeing this everyone was on full alert, Rogue jumped up, practically knocking Remy off the couch.
"Ah don't think so Scotty, not this year," she said standing with her hands on her hips in front of the stereo.
Scott looked around at the faces of his fellow Xmen. What he saw shocked him, he knew if he took a step further he would see the full brunt of everyone's powers.
"Why not, it's Christmas. Besides it is a classic," said Scott in his leader voice.
Wolverine stood up this time and walked over to Scott, pointing his finger in his face, "Because you promised us last year there would be no more, that's why bub."
Jean stood up and put her arm around her husband, "You did promise, Scott."
"Alright, alright," he said with his hands in the air, "but I want it noted that Christmas is not Christmas without Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers singing the classics." Then he sat down, pouting.
Everyone sighed in relief as Jean turned to the group and asked, "Is the radio fine with everyone?"
Everyone nodded their agreement as Jubilee jumped up.
"I'm tired of waiting, can I hand them out yet," she cried.
"Go ahead," said Wolverine.
Jubilee kneeled in front of the massive tree and grabbed the first present she saw and read the tag.
"From Remy to Bishop, okay," she stuck her head under the tree to find the one from Bishop to Remy, so they could open each other's present at the same time.
"Ok got it," she said standing up, handing the presents to their respective owner.
"Thank you Jubilation."
"Merci, petite."
The two men ripped open the brightly colored packages to reveal the same thing, fruitcake.
Everyone thought it was a strange gift, but for some reason Remy and Bishop started to laugh.
"That better not be the theme this year," said Rogue glaring at Remy.
"I never called you a fruitcake," cried Remy, throwing his hands in the air.
The doorbell chimed and Jean stood up to answer it. As she opened the door, Sinister walked in, not waiting to be invited in.
"Fools all of you," Sinister bellowed, then he handed Jean a pie dish and said, "but I baked this myself."
"How nice, thank you," said Jean as she handed him a gift certificate for Denny's.
Sinister eyed it for a moment and said, "And you people wonder why I try and kill you all the time," he yelled, "Just a little DNA, is that too much to ask for Summers," he continued to rant as he slammed the door behind him.
"What bug crawled up his ass?" said Jubilee.
Everyone looked at Jubilee, but before they could say anything she said, "What? You know it's true."
Jubilee went back to the tree and pulled out a big box, she eyed the tag.
"To Remy from Ororo. It's too heavy Gambit, come get it yourself," said Jubilee.
All of a sudden, the box started to rise in the air and levitated over towards Remy. As the package floated over Remy's lap, it dropped.
"UGH, Merci Jean," said Remy in pain, his voice also slightly higher.
"Your welcome Ace," said Jean with a big smile on her face.
Remy ripped the paper off the package, he was watching Ororo and Jean. They both looked like they were going to burst from trying not to laugh. He opened the box, looking in it and was shocked.
"Ha ha ha, Stormy," Remy said pulling out the cards in the box, it was full of Ace of Heart cards.
Jubilee tossed a present at Storm and said, "Catch."
Ororo caught the small present in the air and began to unwrap it, mumbling "thank the goddess it isn't fruitcake."
"I heard dat."
Storm looked up and smiled sweetly at Remy. She was confused when she saw her gift and eyed him in hopes of an explanation
"Double sided tape, so you have no more accidents with dat dress."
Logan let out a howl that everyone thought was his form of laughter, after a minute he started wiping the tears from his eyes.
Rogue gave Remy a little shove that knocked him off the arm of the couch. Jean and Betsy couldn't remember what happened, so they found the gift uninteresting. Warren was counting his money and Scott was still pouting.
"What? She has a problem, now she can fix it."
"Men," groaned Rogue.
"That's ok Remy. It's lovely," said Ororo, in a voice that told everyone she didn't like it.
Jubilee saw a large gift with her name on it and grabbed it.
"Me next" she said, all excited as she started to open the gift.
Logan smiled, anxious to see the look of surprise on her face. This was the gift he had searched high and low to get her. She ripped off the wrapping and when she realized what it was jumped up in delight.
"Oh Wolvie! Thank you! A playstation 2! That's exactly what I wanted"
"Well, let's hook it up and see what it's like" said Logan
Jubilee opened the box and pulled out the machine. She continued to hunt around the box and packaging before turning back to Logan
"Where's the game?"
"What do you mean? It's in your hands"
"No, I mean the game. This is just the machine"
Logan rolled his eyes in defeat. 'Would nothing go right this Christmas?' he thought.
"Oh cool" said Jubilee turning up the radio, "Leroy the redneck reindeer is my favorite Christmas song." Her useless playstation forgotten in less than 5 minutes, and pushed back under the tree.
Just then there was another knock at the door. Jean, realizing that no one else was going to move, got up again to get it.
This time it was Magneto standing there. Jean asked him to come in and closed the door behind him.
"Hear me, there is a war coming," he shouted, "but for today I have a gift for Charles. It a one way paid vacation to Genosha," he said holding out the envelope in his hand.
"Oh I'm sure he'll love that. I'll be sure to give it to him" Jean replied as she took the gift. Then she grabbed one of the gift certificates from the pile at the door and handed it to him.
"It's for Denny's," she said extremely happy with herself. Magneto looked at the certificate without expression.
Magneto entered the living room and scanned the crowd that was there. No one even acknowledged him, as they were all engrossed in their conversations. So he just took a seat near the window when he noticed the fruitcake on the table.
"Oh fruitcake! I just love fruitcake. Do you mind if I have some?"
Logan leaned over and whispered to Remy "That explains all his henchmen"
"Help yourself," Remy said holding back his laughter at Logan's comment, "Take de whole t'ing."
"Thanks," Magneto said as he took a piece.
"You can have mine too," Bishop added and watched Magneto's eyes light up.
Rogue then jumped up and ran to the kitchen then quickly returned with another fruitcake.
"Here ya go. Ya can have this one too," she said.
"This is the best Christmas ever," said Magneto choking back his tears of joy.
Storm walked over to Rogue to ask in a whisper "Isn't that cake from last year?"
"SSsshhh...yes, but they last forever you know." Rogue said as quietly as she could.
On the radio the weather announcer came on and said, "Its cold out there folks. It would be a good idea to keep your clothes on."
"That might be a problem for Logan and Remy," said Betsy laughing.
All of the women laughed with the exception of Jubilee.
Jubilee just shook her head, thinking they were weird. She grabbed another present and read the tag.
"To Rogue, love Remy. Awww isn't that sweet," she said handing the present to Rogue.
Rogue unwrapped her present and started to cry as she opened it. Everyone let out a sigh of relief.
"They're beautiful sugah," said Rogue showing everyone.
"They are beautiful Rogue," said Jean.
Rogue stopped and looked at Remy.
"Ya didn't steal these did you?" she asked suspiciously.
"NON!" bellowed Remy.
"Just checkin' sugah, don't have a fit."
Remy looked at Bishop, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Remy leaned over and broke off a piece of the fruitcake that was on the table in front of Magneto, and tossed at him
"Shut up Bishop."
Bishop dodged the cake, and said, "I don't recall saying a thing," still grinning.
Jubilee handed Remy his present from Rogue. Rogue was showing Ororo her present but turned just in time to see Remy opening his gift.
"Not here sugah," she said snatching the present from his hands.
"Why not chere?"
"Because we don't need an audience."
"Listen to her Gumbo. You do not want to open that present here," said Logan with a big grin on his face.
"Ah hate your sense of smell sometimes Wolvie," said Rogue throwing a crumpled piece of wrapping paper at him.
Remy looked from Rogue to Logan and back again, he was dying to know what it was.
"I'll be back," said Remy, taking the gift from Rogue and standing up.
"Come on no fair," yelled Jubilee.
"Now Jubilee, it's between two adults and if they don't want to share they don't have to," said Jean.
Betsy rolled her eyes, just as Remy walked back in the room, beaming like the Christmas tree.
"Well do ya like?" asked Rogue urgently.
"I like," said Remy nodding with enthusiasm.
Logan looked at every face in the room and shook his head in disgust.
"It's not what you think, ya bunch of perverts," he bellowed, "What does the X in Xmen stand for anyway."
After that, nobody really cared what Rogue had gotten Remy, so they didn't see the wink Logan gave Rogue and she smiled her thanks in return.
Once again Jubilee went under the tree to hunt for more presents.
She found a gift for Logan and handed it to him. Logan read the tag to see that it was from both Storm and Rogue. Both the women start to giggle as Logan opened his gift to find one of those mounted trout novelty gifts that sings 'bad to the bone'.
"Ha ha that's really funny," said Logan dripping with sarcasm
He then got up and grabbed two gifts from under the tree. One for Storm and one for Rogue respectively.
"Here, I hope you like them," said Logan, "we're gonna have lots of fun with them."
Remy immediately stood up, walked over and sat by the girls, he didn't like the sound of that. He gave Logan a look that said 'if you did, you die'. The women both tore into their presents. Storms and Rogue were surprised to find they had both received similar gifts. Logan had gotten them fishing tackle and lures.
They looked at each other then at Logan.
"What are we gonna do with these?" asked Ororo, looking over her present.
" Ladies, you're gonna ask me to go fishing with you," said Logan, getting excited at the prospect of going fishing.
"We don't fish sugah," said Rogue hoping this was a bad dream.
Logan put his arms around both of the women and said, "Well now you do."
"You do realize you're obsessed?" said Ororo, who was looking at Remy for help.
"Don't look at me," he said laughing at the thought of Rogue and Ororo fishing with Logan.
Just as Jean settled back in her chair there was yet another knock at the door.
"Nobody worry, I'll get it." She said in a martyred voice. Everyone just ignored her.
At the door were Avalanche, Toad, and Blob. They were about to enter the mansion, but Jean stood in front of them, taking the wrapped parcels from them, she then handed them their Denny's gift certificates and slammed the door in their faces.
"This won't even cover the appetizer's," Blob yelled through the door.
Jean quickly scanned the gifts to make sure there were no explosives in it. Satisfied they were safe, she walked back into the living room, leaving the presents where they were
Jean went over and grabbed a gift from under the tree. She walked over to Logan and handed him his present from her. He looked up and smiled sweetly at her.
"Thanks Red," he said.
He ripped off the wrap to find a pair of red silk boxers. He looked up at her trying to interpret their meaning.
She saw his look and started to explain "I thought the G-string looked really uncomfortable. It looked like a really tight fit. I thought you might prefer these."
Logan was ecstatic. Not only had she been checking him out but, Cyclops looked like his head was going to explode.
"Thanks Red, that was the best gift ever" he then pointed to a small but beautifully wrapped present and said "Open that one Jean. It's for you"
Jean took the gift and sat down to open it. Inside she found a beautiful gold locket.
"Oh Logan, it's beautiful" she cooed as she held it up for all to see.
Remy and Logan both looked at Cyclops who was starting to shake like he was reaching critical mass. Both men thought it was funny.
Jean opened the locket to find it contained a picture of Cyclops inside. Jean was nearly in tears as she showed the gift to her husband.
Cyclops looked up at Logan with surprise. He didn't expect to see his picture there.
"Thanks Logan, You kinda surprised me"
"It was nothing Cyke. There is nothing I enjoy more than cuttin' your face outta pictures"
Trying to be discreet, Betsy and Warren grab their gifts and begin to leave, not wanting to open them up in front of anyone. Betsy had gotten Warren handcuffs and edible underwear and Warren had gotten Betsy kinky, scented oils.
Remy watched the pair leave the room with their gifts and turned to Logan. Logan could easily smell what the gifts were and whispered the answer to Remy's unspoken question. Both men burst out laughing.
"How about a game of pool, Ace?" Logan asked. He was getting tired of just sitting.
"Sounds good ta me" Remy got up to leave for the rec. room.
Just as Jean was about to get comfortable on the couch again, there was another knock at the door.
"Aaahhhhh!" she yelled as she bolted for the door again. She flung the door open to find Mystique standing there. Jean stood aside to let her in and handed her the standard Dennys'gift certificate.
"Thanks Jean, How did you know that was my favorite restaurant?"
Jean's eyes widen and she smiled. Finally someone who liked the gift she had chosen. Jean got a warm and fuzzy feeling and invited Mystique into the living room.
"I'm here to see Rogue. Is she here?" Mystique asked
"Oh yeah, she's in the living room with everyone else."
"Thanks," said Mystique just walking right by Jean.
As Mystique was heading to the living room, she could hear two familiar voices coming from another room. She decided to go there instead.
"Just who I wanted to see," she said to herself, smiling.
Mystique quietly entered the rec. room to find the two men playing pool. Actually, they were doing more bickering like a married couple than actual playing.
"Why are all the good looking one's gay?" she purred, leaning against the doorframe.
Logan and Remy spun around quickly at the sound of that voice.
"What do you what?" he growled at her in a most unfriendly manner.
Unfazed by the welcome, Mystique wasn't expecting more from Logan considering their history, she walked into the room with confidence.
"I just wanted to give you guys your Christmas gift" she accentuated the statement by putting her hand on her hip and positioning herself into a sexy pose.
The men stood waiting, ready to do battle if necessary, but not sure what their gift could possibly be when suddenly, she morphed.
She first became the woman from the agency, "So your name Logan Logan," she said walking into the room.
Remy and Logan just stared at her flabbergasted.
Mystique then suddenly changed into Santa's elf helper, "Are you ready for them Santa?" she purred, with her hands on her hips.
Next, she changed into the platinum blond that was hitting on Logan from the front row of the bar, "Wanna dance Romeo."
Logan thanked the big guy upstairs, he didn't pursue that women any further. Remy just stood there in a state of shock.
"No wonder, they stank like they bathed in that perfume," said Logan to Remy.
Just when the boys thought she was done she changed again. This time she changed into...The Raven!
Logan turned to Remy and yelled, "The Raven! We should have known right then."
Remy nodded his agreement, still in shock.
The Raven spoke "Merry Christmas guys. I know it will be one you will never forget. I know I won't."
The last thing Mystique saw as she turned to go was a charged billiard ball coming at her head.
The end.
Ok, expect the next part of our stories, "The Twilight Hour" and "Calm before the Storm" by Valkyrie and "Sinister's Last Stand" and "We still don't know what we did last night" by Tara, very soon. We thank you for your patients in waiting for the next parts to the above stories, so we could finish this one as soon as possible. Also if you can't remember the stories this is your chance to go back and reread them.
Remember review, review, review. This is our first collaboration and your feedback is important to us.