Yellow, too

Look at the stars; look how they shine for you…and all the things you do…

Pacey faced Joey and braced himself for what he was about to agree to. "Okay, Joe. Lets talk. But, not now. I'll just stop over later tonight…if that's all right?" The relief on Joey's face could be seen as she nodded in agreement. "I'll see you later, then…" She walked through the parking lot, found her car and easily slid inside the driver's seat. He watched her go in amazement. What are you doing Witter? He honestly hoped that he wouldn't regret the decision he had just made to talk with Joey. He was opening up a floodgate and he wasn't exactly sure what would come out when they finally did talk. He opened the car door and climbed inside, trying to ignore the haunting feeling of déjà vu that was creeping into his mind. Pacey feared that he was going to have to give her up all over again.

As the day wore to a close, Pacey again found himself sitting on the front porch, this time concentrating on not losing control tonight---control over his emotions, his life, everything he had built for himself the past year and a half since they…Gretchen walked outside and sat next to him, resting her face on her hands. "You okay, Pace?" "Honestly? No. But, I have to go through with this tonight. I've been shutting her out of mind for so long, but in actuality, I never let her go. Once we talk, I will finally have some closure." Gretchen gently reached over and hugged her brother. "I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm sorry for both of you." He nodded his head in appreciation. "Thanks." Gretchen left Pacey on the porch alone with his thoughts.

……..

He couldn't help but replay the events that occurred previously, between Joey and him. He recalled the day Joey finally decided on Cornell as her university of choice. Joey had rushed over to his house in the middle of the night, her face lit up with excitement over her good news. They sat for hours at his house, talking about her plans and her studies…everything. She had been so excited to go, once the decision had been made, and he had been happy for her. He truly wanted her to go and have an incredible experience in college. She deserved it, if nothing else. She had begged him to come to New York. She said they could find a place together and live it up. Pacey had been reluctant. He understood that this was a serious university, expecting its students to work hard and study constantly. He knew he would only be a distraction to her and in the end, him being there would hurt her in so many different ways, whether she understood that or not. He had tried to explain to her, but she didn't care what his justifications were. They decided to take a few trips up to New York and scout out a place to live, but they soon figured out the cost of housing was way beyond their means. Their dream had been to stay together throughout college, but it looked like their dream had not been realistic. After many arguments, the two finally decided that she would go live in the dorms, and he would stay in Capeside and work for a while, until he could afford to move up to New York to be with her. Pacey promised he would visit every weekend, and more if possible, but she was obviously not happy with this situation they had decided upon. Joey promised him, however, that she would do everything in her power to make their unfortunate situation work.

So, that's how it began. Their relationship had been halted in its progression, but Pacey decided not to worry over it. He understood that they simply had to work harder at their relationship to make things work. Pacey smiled as he summoned up the memory of his first trip up to Joey's dorm. He had spent hours in the car, beaming with excitement and anticipation over seeing Joey after only a week's time. When he arrived to the dorms, after hours of even trying to figure out his way around, he walked into the tall building where Joey lived. He spoke to a lot of people trying to find her room, and when he finally did, she was not there. It hurt him more than he wanted to accept, but he had just assumed she would be waiting in her room to greet him with a joyous hug and kiss. He ended up staring at a closed door for about ten minutes. Finally, he spotted Joey with another girl making their way towards him. Pacey could remember everything about that moment. The way her hair was curling around her face. How soft her lips appeared as she spoke to her friend. The way her body moved as she flowed down the hall. The sight of her forced any negative thought out if his head.

As soon as Joey recognized it was Pacey waiting at her room door, she ran up to him and squeezed him so tightly, he could hardly breathe. She jumped on him, making quite a scene in front of her friend as she kissed his face repeatedly. "Pacey, I had no idea you were going to be here so early! How long have you been waiting? I'm so sorry." Joey made her pouty face, the one he couldn't resist, in an attempt to ask for forgiveness for her negligence. Before Pacey answered, he became very aware of Joey's friend. His face flushing, somewhat embarrassed by their animate display. Joey quickly jumped off of him and smiled mischievously at her friend. "Oh, sorry. I forgot to introduce you to my friend, Pacey. Reagan, this is Pacey." Pacey eyed her curiously, "You're friend, huh? So, that's all I am now? Hmmm" Joey rolled her eyes, a smile creeping to her lips. Reagan laughed, "Yeah, some friend you have there, Joey…can you hook me up with a friend like that?…um, well I'll let you two get back to business. See ya later."

As Reagan walked away, Joey hugged Pacey once more before she opened the door to her room. "So, is that what you tell people here. 'Pacey…he's just a friend' I see how it is," Pacey teased her, while leaning in for a gentle kiss. "I am all about keeping my options open, Pace. You know that," Joey easily came back, with a smirk on her face. She grabbed his stuff and threw it in the corner of the room. She sat on her bed, and patted the spot next to her in a gesture for him to sit by her. "No. There's still some forgiving I have to do before I can get close to you again. I want to see some serious begging and pleading for my forgiveness, so…whenever you're ready." Pacey stood patiently by the door, his arms folded comfortably across his chest. She began to speak, but he looked away in mock annoyance. Joey walked over to him, and seductively ran her fingers through his hair. She grabbed his arms and forced them around her waist, reaching her arms around his neck. "Pacey, I honestly am sorry. It was a mistake and I apologize." He gazed at her adoringly, and proceeded to hug her with all of his strength. She slowly pulled away, a grin plastered on her face because of their reunion.

"I know that it has only been a week, but it has been crazy trying to make it through the days without you. It's hard not being able to see you whenever I can…I don't think I have ever missed anyone as much I have you." Pacey's face fell as he nodded in agreement. "Trust me, I know how you feel." They sat in each other's comforting arms in silence for a few minutes, but Joey quickly snapped them out of it. "Well, at least you're with me now. I love you and I want to enjoy every moment that you're here with me." She pulled away from him and walked to the door. "Let's go." Pacey walked over to the bed and laid flat on his back. "Joe, I'm pretty tired, let's just stay in and spend some time together." He closed his eyes and pretended to snore. She walked over to the bed and sat next to him. She leaned her face towards his and gave him a passionate kiss. Then she jumped up, pulled on his hand and dragged him off the bed. "Pacey, there is so much I want you to see. Come on." Pacey stood up, from having fallen on the floor, and followed her out the door.

Joey took him downtown and to Broadway, and everywhere she could think of. They walked around downtown for hours, just talking and laughing like they hadn't skipped a beat since they last saw each other. Pacey found it extremely refreshing to be near Joey and feel her warmth and excitement for life. Pacey had to admit that her new life was bringing out some great qualities in Joey--she seemed so much more open and unreserved. Pacey was somewhat afraid at this new understanding because it opened up the possibility of her forgetting her old life, with him, in order to embrace her new one. He decided to ignore his feelings of apprehension and take pleasure in the fact that they were together. They stroll around the city finally ended lat in the night in front of her dorm room. Before going to sleep, Pacey gave Joey a violent hug and expressed his love for her. Joey reciprocated his feelings of love and thanked him for being there with her. They ultimately fell asleep, with Pacey unable to rid himself of his feelings of anxiety over Joey's newfound life.

The rest of the weekend had turned out like their first day together again. He never felt more comfortable and whole, except when he was with Joey. Pacey could remember the day he left. They had both been dreading it, so when it finally came, it was intensely emotional. Joey's tears had softened his own and they promised to see each other soon. Still, it was never easy to say good-bye to his other half—the woman he gave his entire soul to.

Weeks went by, but seemed like months, as Pacey would eagerly visit Joey every weekend, and have to deal with the pain of their parting once again. After a couple of months, the strain on Pacey and Joey had become unbearable due to the coming and going every weekend. Their relationship was slowly, but inevitably weakening and they felt helpless to stop it. Neither wanted to talk about what was causing their problems or why…they just seemed to ignore it in hopes that their problems would go away. In the mean time, the smallest things would cause them to bicker and fight. It got to the point where Joey seemed so much more at ease when the two were with her friends, rather than more at ease when they were alone. Soon, every time he came to visit her, they were never alone. She was always finding ways to include her friends so that Pacey had no time alone with Joey. They were both miserable and they both knew it. But, through all the bickering and complaining, Pacey could not bring himself to break things off with her. His love for her was so beyond him that he didn't even think he could take it back. It was hers now, and all he could do was wait…for what? He wasn't sure. But he had felt it coming. Pacey remembered his trip up to New York to see Joey. They had immediately started fighting as soon as he arrived. It was his fault, though. He had initiated the fight with a confrontation about their issues. How he felt like he was burdening her with his visits. She always seemed so distracted and weighed down when he came. He sincerely felt like they needed to talk things out; make things between them work again. Of course, after being confronted by all this, she denied everything. Joey adamantly denied that their relationship was in ruins and accused him of wanting an excuse to stop seeing her. He could feel in his heart how stressed and uncomfortable she was that day. It had seriously scared him.

Then she announced that her friend was coming to walk her to a test they had for Biology, and that she would be back in a couple of hours. He watched her leave the room without saying a word to her, sitting on her bed alone. Alone in a city he didn't belong, where no one knew him and the one person who did know him, didn't want him there. Pacey recalled sitting on Joey's bed for an hour, reflecting on their relationship, their past, and their future. Pacey's brain had become numb from the pain he felt. He reached a point where there was no pain, or love, or anything. Nothingness. Pacey stood up, walked out of Joey's room, and never looked back.

Pacey had driven home in silence. He hadn't needed any distractions because he wasn't even thinking about Joey. He wasn't thinking about anything at all. He simply listened to the sound of the tires as they turned on the pavement. That was his way of dealing. Pacey didn't want to think about the choice he had just made, or the effects that it would have on his life. He just wanted to get out of his own head for a while.

When he reached his house, it was dark and chilly outside. He opened the front door and found Gretchen asleep on their sofa with all of the lights on in the house. He walked right past her, through the living room, to his bedroom. He lay on his bed, his eyes staring at the ceiling. It scared him how little emotion he felt. He knew it would catch up to him if he kept ignoring the ever-growing pain he was trying to escape, but he didn't care. He didn't want to deal with it.

"Pacey, wake up. Pacey." Gretchen shook Pacey's shoulders as she tried to wake him. "What?" Pacey growled. Gretchen looked surprised at his tone of voice as she backed away. "Joey called about ten times tonight looking for you. What are you doing here?" Pacey rolled over onto his stomach and ignored Gretchen as she continued to hound him with questions. "Stop, Gretchen! You don't need to worry about it. Go away." Gretchen's mouth tightened as she vehemently spit out, "Fine, Pacey. But you have left Joey completely hysterical. She has no clue as to where you are, so quit thinking about yourself and call her. Let her know you are here, at the very least." Gretchen slammed the door as she left, but Pacey merely covered his head with his pillow and drifted off to a nightmarish sleep.

……….

Pacey stood up to stretch his legs. He had just relived a past he has tried so hard to forget, and he has nothing to show for it. He still has all the pain and resentment built inside him. He has never allowed any closure. After the night he left Joey's, he never talked to her again. He didn't give her a chance. Yeah, Joey had tried to get a hold of him numerous times. She even rode a bus to Capeside to see him, but he had already left for Boston. He had wanted out of Capeside and the small town scene where everywhere he went, he was reminded of Joey. Boston seemed as good a place as any. He thought about Boston and his little place in the city. Pacey wished himself back inside his apartment, but not before he got this talk with Joey out of the way first. Then he could finally go home again.

He walked down the front porch steps to his car and hastily climbed in. Tonight was going to be a long night, and after remembering everything from the past between them, he hoped he was ready to face her.