PLEASE email me and tell me what you think of my story. Critiques, compliments, suggestions, questions, anything would be fine. Just drop me a line! ^_~
Usual disclaimers: Sailor Moon and all its characters and likeliness belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha/Toei. English translation is made possible by DiC.
My email address: ml_eclipse@hotmail.com
= thoughts
[ ] = author's note
Rated: PG
Please enjoy!
=========================================================================
A Shepherd's Kiss
========================= By Cosmos ==================================
Chapter 4: Understanding
She could sense the dreariness and darkness of the chamber seep into her tired soul. Her eyelids grew heavy from lack of sleep, but inner fear prevented them from closing and allowing her that one means of escape. It was not for reasons of danger or the silence brooding over her that she was afraid of, but the haunting reminders brought to her by the nightmares of past pains that held her in fear.
She glanced down to a small slumbering body next to her. Seeing the child sleeping so soundly and peacefully, Serenity felt a sharp pang of envy stab her. Oh what she would give to be able to have a descent night's rest without the nightmares, the dark voices of painful memories, and the unbearable grief it all brought.
Raising her somber azure eyes, she gazed out of the small opening situated high above her head. Between thick rusted steal bars, she could barely make out the gray-blue sky that held the promise of another beautiful day, but it would be a beauty she could neither see nor take pleasure from. Contrasting, a tumultuous storm germinated from the seed planted deep in her heart since that dark night. Its black thunderous clouds and gusting hatred rumbled and raged as it lodged its roots deep into her heart and spreading its weedy fingers to her soul, darkening her eyes to a coldness few could withstand to see.
It was dangerous to leave her alone with only silence to comfort her. The longer her vengeful mind brooded over the pains in her heart the greater the dark storm become until it would reach a climatic explosion of hatred that would know no bounds.
Hate and anger are two entities that should not be followed. It would be disastrous to let them be the guidance of one's heart. Yet, now they offer the only path she saw before her. It seemed that she was given no other road upon which to tread. So then, was this all she had left of her life…hatred and anger, pains and revenge? Has the entire world turned from her to leave her bare and alone? Could she be the only rose in a garden of weeds? Or was she the only weed in a garden of roses?
It appeared that the answers were against her, as well as fate.
In her state of bereavement and self-pity, Serenity has forgotten the young girl sleeping soundly beside her. The child knew that the young woman was vulnerable to the wounds inflicted upon her from life's cruel twists and turns. Although she made herself to believe that she was strong by concealing her pains from others and unknowingly from herself, Hotaru knew that Serenity has a far delicate heart than what she made it to be. Hotaru was one of only a small handful of people who could see past the stone mask Serenity wore on her beautiful face. To her, it was not mere coincidence that she should meet Serenity at such a time and in such a place.
Caught up in her storm of hate and fear, Serenity did not hear the faint sounds of footsteps approaching their prison. A sharp clang of an unlocked latch and the squeaking of an opening door soon brought her back to the surface of reality, however.
Eyes instinctively narrowed and fist clenched tight, Serenity stood up ready to defend herself and Hotaru should the encounter prove to be unfriendly.
By the dim light of the receding moon, Serenity could barely make out a tall dark form that unmistakably portrayed the appearance of a tall woman. The lush blood red lips appearing from the hidden shadow curved up into a sinister smile that reminded her of Radon's own mocking one.
"Who are you?" Serenity asked with a voice that betrayed her feelings of insecurity and fear.
A soft but mocking laughter resounded off the walls of the small enclosure. Soon a smooth voice followed with words that shocked Serenity, "Your new master."
She stood there as if frozen in time with eyes wide in astonishment staring at the faceless shadow. "You are…what?" Serenity whispered back completely bewildered by the words that just passed through those blood red lips.
"Why does it come as such a surprise to you?" A faceless shadow spoke again. "Didn't Silica tell you what you were to become?"
"She told me nothing," Serenity hissed with anger burning brightly in her eyes. She did not know who this person was but she has already taken a total dislike of her. "And just what is it that I was to become?"
"My slave."
The words shocked her to the core. No! her pride screamed, this can't be! I cannot be…I will not be…!
"I'd rather die then be enslaved by you!" she yelled indignantly.
"Perhaps, it shall end that way," the shadow spoke again in that same calm, smooth voice that further infuriated Serenity.
A small gasp caught Serenity's attention. She glanced down to see Hotaru staring at the unseen woman with fear reflecting in her large violet eyes. The child's lips quivered as she uttered two words that placed a face on that shadow, "Lady Snafu."
"You know her?" Hotaru could only nod a response. Serenity could see the grip of intense fear took hold of her. In disbelief with numerous questions running through her mind, Serenity returned her gaze back to a shadow that was no longer faceless. The older woman had now stepped into the pale light. Eerie shadows and pale yellow light painted a face that chilled Serenity to her bones. With eyes the color that matched her crimson lips and bleached white hair that flowed around in like the chaotic hurricane-swept waves, Lady Snafu gave the appearance of a banshee wandering in the night searching for a victim to drain his blood. Skin pale as a ghost disturbed from its grave, Snafu was a horrid sight to behold.
A face only a mother would love, Serenity thought absent mindedly, then her fair brows knitted together with confusion and fear, who could this woman be that her appearance evokes so much fear into the young child?
"Well, child," Lady Snafu drawled in a slick voice, "welcome back." The same hair-raising smile appeared on those red lips once again. "And may I have the name of your new companion?"
"H-h-her…h-her," Hotaru stuttered, fear had also claimed her ability to speak as well, "n-n-na-na-name…"
Serenity saved Hotaru the burdensome duty of speaking to Snafu by taking up the question herself. "My name is Sereni…Usagi," she said in a strong clear voice. Her gaze was held steady and defiant, if not slightly challenging, against Lady Snafu's blood red glare.
Hotaru looked up at Serenity's somber face with indication of gratitude for saving her from answering the horrid woman, but also questioning her simultaneously for the reason of giving the pseudonym. Serenity did not notice Hotaru's inquisitive gaze. Her entire attention was centralized on that dark figure standing before them.
Wearing a dress that hugged her slender figure like the shadows that surrounded her, Snafu spoke in the same slippery tone, "Usagi is it? Bunny? What a peculiar name to give someone. Your parents' must have been in dire need of education, Usagi, to give you such a ridiculous name."
"And yours is any better, witch?"
"Well Usagi," Lady Snafu drawled, "I can see that you will be a rebellious one. I will have to keep a close eye on you now, won't I? I will tell you this, Usagi, you can try to fight me, but I would not recommend it. Many have tried, but none have survived to see the outcome of the battle. You are now mine to do as I will, and I intend to squeeze out every ounce of living blood from you.
"It is best…for you my dear…to embrace my ruling and work for me loyally. I do not appreciate any that defy me. Traitors will be punished *severely*," and her eyes glowed with a strange red light as she made clear of her intentions with the emphasis placed on the last word.
Serenity growled in response. Growing up as the great Princess of the Moon, she held a pride that was too great to be easily broken, and a spirit too strong and free to be easily tamed. "I will never serve you, witch! I'd rather die than work as your slave!"
Snafu's eyes instantly narrowed as she suddenly raised a hand and blasted Serenity with an incredible ball of flaring red energy. Unexpected, Serenity took the blast full in the chest before she even had time to react to the realization of being under attack. The incredible impact slammed her into the far wall creating a boom that reverberated throughout the dingy prison frightening swarms of rats into the open. Hotaru screamed Serenity's name and plead Snafu for forgiving the wrong done.
"She is new!" Hotaru yelled through tears, "Please, Lady Snafu! Don't hurt her! She will learn to obey you! She will not…"
"I will…never…obey you," Serenity whispered through bloodied lips and dizzying vision, "No one enslaves me!"
Snafu suddenly ceased her barrages of assaults. Instead, she stood glaring at the bloodied Serenity through narrow red slits. She is strong, Snafu thought, I have never before seen anyone take so many attacks without as much as a sign of defeat. Her eyes…her eyes are so cold…so defiant. "You will succumb to my authority before this month's end, Usagi," she hissed and swiftly left the room.
Once the evil woman left, Hotaru ran to Serenity and held her in a gentle embrace. "You are a fool, Serenity!" she chided. "You should know better than to defy a powerful woman such as Lady Snafu. She could have killed you!"
"I…don't…care," Serenity managed to respond. "I cannot stand to live under another's control. I have been born a princess, and I will not dishonor my parents by obeying the command of an evil creature like that damn woman!"
Princess? Hotaru thought. She's…she is a princess?
"Don't be stupid, Serenity!" Hotaru yelled. "What good would it do to defy her just to end up being killed? What benefit would that bring you? Think Serenity! Use your mind instead of your hatred and pride. If you get killed by her then what honor would that bring to your kingdom and your parents? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
Serenity was too weak to argue. Already feeble with hunger and thirst, the attack greatly weakened her. She gave a heavy sigh and drifted off to an uneasy slumber in the protective arms of Hotaru.
There are certain times when one must swallow the bitter pill of one's pride, but for Serenity it was one pill that she nearly choked on.
Only a few weeks before, she was known as the powerful Princess of the entire Silver allegiance, but now she was remembered by none. Fallen from a zenith of great power to a position of despicable slavery was a fall from extreme heights. Although to many her situation may seem a hopeless consequence of betrayal and deceit that led only to an inevitable future of continual imprisonment, Serenity viewed it as another barrier, albeit a tall one, that she must surmount if she was to fulfill the promise she gave to her parents.
Do not misinterpret her reaction or her ability to feel the pang of hopelessness or tears of sorrow, because she did felt those things and much more, but being thrown unexpectedly into this situation created anger and hatred that displaced any emotions of self-pity. Locked into her persistent mind was one thought…one goal…revenge.
Eventually, it was the consequence of her will to survive and fulfill her ultimate objective that she saw the truths in Hotaru's words: There was no advantage to defy Lady Snafu…at least not yet. While her powers were still weak and untrained, while her fighting skills were poor and inexperienced, she soon realized that retaliating against someone as powerful an opponent as Lady Snafu would indeed be a foolhardy endeavor that would only result in defeat if nothing else.
Thus once her blood cooled down to a chilled consistency that ebbed and flowed in her hard heart like the ocean's tide, Serenity gulped down her pride and replaced it, instead, with false humility.
Consequently, the next six months found Serenity hard at work for Lady Snafu, attending to every business that was thrust into her hands. Paying particular attention to minor details in order to please Snafu and gain an uneasy relation of trust from the dark master. Although it appeared that Snafu has slowly come to trust Serenity, giving her governance to most of her affairs, Serenity knew better than to see more into the subtle nature of her master then what may actually be conveyed. In fact, it appeared as if a mutual, unspoken agreement had passed between Lady Snafu and Serenity. That a peaceful relation would be held between them only as a temporary measure in order to maintain a continual order within the household and an uneasy coexistence within the limited space occupied by both.
In turn, the fragile truce has proven to be advantageous for either side. For Serenity, this gave her desperately needed time to recuperate and train her fledgling powers and fighting skills. As for Lady Snafu, the maintenance of business conducted so efficiently and flawlessly by Serenity was greatly prized. Under Serenity's experienced eye and mind, Snafu soon found her accounts organized and well planned, and her profits increased with losses on the decline. In other words, Snafu's business of clothing textile was booming and she was increasing in wealth and power.
Despite all this, Serenity's spirit was never broken. Looking deep into her eyes, one could see the fire of freedom and will of self-governance continue to burn equally as bright as if she were still the ruling princess of a powerful kingdom once known to be hers.
Serenity had never been one to be so easily tamed and managed, not mentioning to be controlled. Given a chance, she would break free of the chains that held her and all the pains inflicted upon her would be repaid in full. She was never a vengeful person, always prefer to forgive then to punish, but life has now taught her otherwise. In her heart, anger and hatred was all she could see…and it was what Hotaru now feared.
It was this stubbornness and independent nature that Lady Snafu also saw. So she knew better than to give Serenity the full reign of her territory. Nevertheless, Snafu began to lose her control because the high performance of her business and her increasing power soon diverted most of her attention from Serenity.
It was on a particularly clear starry night, six and a half months later, with the full face of the moon shining down upon the dismal mansion that the loosening of the chain around Serenity began. Lady Snafu made a decision to celebrate her success by hosting a grand party. She invited all her business associates-including a few from the royal Earth court-to attend. All her servants were brought out to run the party. As usual, Serenity was in charge of seeing the full conduction of the party from the decorations to the selection of foods served to personal attendance to the guests.
All those invited attended with the exception of King Darius, King of Earth, whom reason given was that important business has kept him away. Besides that one disappointment, the party went on well. However, it was an entirely different party altogether for Serenity. It was a hide-and-seek game throughout most of the night against unseen foes, but in this game the 'seek' was purposefully avoided. Throughout much of the party, she kept herself obscured in the case that someone should recognize her for who she really was. This time, it was not due to pride to stay hidden, but for the sake of security. She knew that she was in an extremely vulnerable position. If someone should discover her, a rival kingdom, it would spell great trouble for her, and with possible dire consequences. Hence, she decided to play it safe and stay low.
It happened, however, she was on her way back to her dark corner on the far side of the room after having fetched a guest a glass of champagne that she heard Snafu call her name.
"Usagi!" she ordered. Serenity looked up to see her master waving her over with a commanding hand. She soon noticed that a tall young man wearing a gray-blue suit and cravat with dark ebony hair stood beside Snafu, but his face was turned away from her. Nonetheless, his silky black hair and well-built body reminded Serenity of someone she'd seen before, but she couldn't put her finger on the memory. Hence, Serenity began to move toward her master without another thought of who this strange was. Instead she thought, Thank goodness I didn't tell her my real name.
Once Serenity arrived by her master's side, Snafu began to address the young man in a strong business voice, "She will take your delivery down now then."
Upon being addressed to, the man returned his attention to Lady Snafu and, at the same time, glancing down toward the silent servant she was referring to standing close by with curious eyes laid on him boldly.
Unexpectedly, the ocean met the sky.
Withholding the incredible force of surprise surfacing within him like a tidal wave, he carefully maintained an outward civility with no acknowledgement of any recognition. He simply smiled respectfully and nodded his head in a subtle greeting. Nonetheless, she could tell by the dark dilation of his pupil and the lighting of the shade of blue in his azure eyes that he was equally surprised to encounter her here as she was seeing him. Fortunately for them both was the fact that she was facing away from Lady Snafu, or her opened mouth and enlarge eyes would surely have given them away. Their strange reaction would have been questioned, and that would have proven disastrous.
Unaware of the peculiar exchange that just passed in front of her, Snafu continued, "Usagi, Mr. Sheppard will be making a delivery two weeks from now. I want all necessary documents to be signed and processed immediately. Since Mr. Sheppard has informed me that he must depart within the next hour and shall not be available until the time of delivery, I want the documents to be signed tonight. Do you understand?"
Serenity peeled her surprised gaze from his face and turned to Snafu. He noticed immediately how her eyes darkened again and any lingering emotions of surprise were skillfully erased from her face. In addition, the gaze she gave Snafu was not the fearful, timid looks he saw most other servants portrayed earlier this night. In fact, to his amusement, it appeared as if Serenity was eyeing her with a challenge. What was more surprising to him was how Snafu responded with not a single hint of anger by such a bold action. Instead, she completely ignored it. What is going on between these two? he wondered. Glancing back down at Serenity he thought, Does she know whom she is dealing with? Or is this simply a reckless behavior on her part? Nonetheless, he greatly admired her courageous nature and seemingly lack of fear.
Yet, Serenity did know that haunting emotion more than he could ever realize. She was, however, unwilling to reveal her emotions especially her weaknesses-and fear was considered one of them-to any observer. She was just as good as he was in hiding her innermost self from the outside, although her eyes proved to be her greatest weakness. It was like a book from where her entire soul could be read. Thus, on the outside she appeared as a strong rebellious woman, but inside there were many fears and grief.
Once Snafu finished giving orders, Serenity turned around and waved her hand toward the stairs saying, "If you would follow me, sir," then she turned and walked gracefully away with him following a short distance behind.
Not a single word was exchanged between them even when they were well beyond the reach of any ears. They ascended the stairs and continued down a long dark hall draped on either side with heavy maroon velvet curtains. On one side, with tall windows facing the large grounds of the estate, the pale light of the moon flowed in creating bars of light across their paths. With her back stiff and eyes forcefully placed ahead of her, Serenity could sense the same burning sensation of his gaze on her back similar to what she felt on that night during her parents' winter ball, but this time there was a great difference. She was no longer the proud Princess walking away from him, but instead she was now a servant…a prisoner. The table has been turned on her, triggered by a single event on a certain night that have impacted her life so much. Tears rose to her eyes, but she refused to shed them. Her gaze became cold as she stared at the cherry wood door to the business office ahead of them, she was determined to never cry.
He watched her stiff back throughout the time she led him. Her long silver tresses dulled by filth and lack of care was surprisingly shiny when the pale lights of the moon fell across them. Light, dark, light, dark, that was how he saw her figure portrayed passing under beams of moonlight and shades of shadow where the light could not reach. Surprisingly, it was also the way he saw her. Light…dark…light…dark…light…the two entities battling within her soul seeking to control this frail being. His brow knitted together with concern as he thought, How did she get here? How did she come to work as a servant for Lady Snafu? What had happened to her…what had happened to her kingdom? This does not look good. There must be some dark force beyond Earth that is doing all this. First this place then hers. Could it be too strong for us? Will the plan work? I need to know more…and I know who to get such information from. Despite all the questions running wildly in his mind, he did not bring it forth to her on this night. There would be a time for such things, but now was not it.
Once they arrived at the office, Serenity opened the door and beckoned him through with a simple gesture of a servant to an honored guest. He stepped through with neither a pause of hesitation nor a questioning glance in her direction. She closed the door behind them silently.
Inside, she asked him politely to take a seat and strolled around him toward the mahogany desk where many such transactions have occurred. As she passed by, a few long strands of her hair draped over his shoulder and slid down his arm slowly. This unintentional contact did not escape his keen eyes. At the desk, Serenity began to prepare the papers. She worked silently on the documents for more than fifteen minutes; her face set in a hard mask. Her eyes never returned to his face even when she addressed him with questions relating to the delivery and he never made any gestures to inquire about her situation. Hence, throughout their entire time in that grand room professionally laid out with cabinets, stacks of files, and a plain-yet elegant-rug on the oak floor, neither spoke nor made any suggesting movements that may infer into the others business of being there or their relation with Lady Snafu. Although her mind itched with dizzying questions she wanted to ask him. An example would be how he got into business with such a vile woman as Snafu, and if he knew her to be cruel…and if he did would he have cared?
Probably not, Serenity thought solemnly, Snafu owns a mega-textile industry…and he sells her wool from his flock of sheep…business and money is all he cares about… pausing she thought, But then why should I care what he cared? He could do what he damn well please why should I bother to even consider anything about him? For the first time, Serenity felt confused by the emotions stirred deep within her. For some reason, she did not like the idea of him working for Snafu…of him allying himself with the cruel woman…of him being the same as her. In her heart, Serenity had hoped, since the first time she met him, that he would be different from all the others she has met before. Serenity quickly suppressed these foreign and confusing emotions down into the depth of her soul.
"And how many bundles would that be, sir?" she asked him in a cold flat tone.
"Five hundred," he replied casually.
Serenity nodded and wrote the number down in addition to filling out other necessary information. While writing, Serenity realized that he was watching her closely. His beautiful marine-blue eyes followed her small pale hands while it moved across the document. Once in a while she felt him analyzed her face but she refused to look up. She tried to finish the business deal as soon as possible in order to escape his presence. Strangely, his presence affected her in a way she could not fully understand. For once, she could not hold a steady gaze into another's eyes. Maybe she felt uncomfortable with the knowledge of what had transpired between them last time and how much her situation, and position, has changed in this second encounter.
"At what time do you plan to make your delivery, sir?" she asked in the same cold tone.
His lips parted to utter the reply but stopped midway. It appeared that within that split second something changed his mind from the initial preferred time of mid-noon to settle on a late delivery.
"Sunset," he replied with a voice that sounded more serious than was necessary for that simple response.
Serenity noticed the sudden change in his tone, but she did not make any inquiries into it. Instead, she simply wrote the reply down. Once all the documents were completed, she handed him the papers and offered her pen for him to sign. He reached out and took the pen but his fingers briefly clasped hers before he retracted his hand back to place upon the document. Upon completion, he handed the paper and pen back to her. She retrieved them carefully without touching him again. Unfortunately, she must shake his hand to seal the deal.
Reaching out with a slender hand she said, "Thank you, sir. We will be expecting your delivery on July 31 at 7 p.m."
He took her hand in his, completely enveloping her slim palm and long fingers within his strong ones. Expecting a simple reply and shake to confirm the deal, instead, Serenity heard him whisper, "My name is Endymion. Please address me by that from now on."
Surprised, she looked up at him and was immediately captured in his tender gaze. He still held her hand with a firm but gentle grip as he asked her with a heart-melting smile, "May I have the honor of knowing yours?"
Serenity replied solemnly with her voice betraying her, "The honor is not mine to give…not anymore." She lowered her gaze to the small space between them. She noticed him moving closer with a hand raised to her face.
Taking her chin into his hand and lifting her face gently to face him, he whispered, "It will always be yours to give." He noticed how her eyes refused to meet his, how painful they looked now. He knew what she must be thinking and he admired her for it. He realized within this short instant, that she was very prudent. Although she made mistakes in the past, she was quick to take notice of them when reproof was observed. Indeed, in this instant she gained more respect from him than when she acted as a proud Princess. In this instant she gained a part of him that no other was able to conquer, his heart. She heard him whisper softly to her words that greatly surprised and pained her at the same time. "I know you must have gone through a lot, although I do not know what exactly happened to you. You may feel uncomfortable seeing me again because of what had transpired between us on that night months passed. But know this, Princess, I do not see you other than who you truly are…Princess of the Moon Kingdom…and a woman possessing great strength and will. You may have lost many things, but you have not lost my humblest respect for you."
She met his sincere gaze in great surprise. Here she was, a princess fallen to the position of a servant…and here he was, a shepherd risen to the position of nobility…yet he still respected her. How could this be? Was this only pity on his part, or could it possibly be true kindness and understanding? She had never before met someone whose actions were so unsettling to her. She did not understand the emotions he evoked in her. She was confused…confused by his unusual behavior and by the warmth rising in her heart. Is this what it's like to know the kindness of another?
He continued, "Please tell me your name."
"But you already know who I am."
He smiled warmly, "I know the Princess but not the woman." His reply brought greater surprise to her and her hand began to tremble with the strength of the numerous emotions now coursing through her heart.
"Serenity," she managed to reply.
He felt her hand tremble and now it was his turn to be surprised. Could this be? He thought, Am I seeing another side of her? Is this who she truly is? Looking into her cerulean eyes that now appeared like a soft morning sky no longer with its gray storm clouds, he knew the answers to his questions.
"Serenity," he repeated her name accompanied by a dashing smile, "I will remember that." With another smile and a deep bow he turned and left.
She stood in the doorframe watching his receding figure until it disappeared down the stairs. Her trembling has passed as she regained control over her body, but the strong feelings he evoked in her remained. His words, spoken with such kindness and sincerity, as she has never before heard from anyone, touched the last warm place in her heart. During the strength of the incredible force of her tumultuous emotions, Serenity unknowingly allowed a single tear to escape from the corner of her eye. The tear greatly contrasted the darkness in her eyes. Emotions of pain, anger, love, and loneliness all were contained in that single droplet that burned its way down her pale cheek as she continued to gaze at the empty hallway. She could no longer feel his presence, which seemed to bring forth unknown warmth buried deep in her wounded heart. There went a man that was unlike any other…and there he was gone from her life. She turned back to the dark bare room that reflected what her future now appeared to be…desolate and without hope.
[Chapter five coming next week! "Truths and Freedom"]
===========================================
Copyright (c) 2000, Cosmos.