~Erin, Chapter 2~


It was History of Magic, the best napping class ever, only I couldn't nap. I was thinking about Lucius. And having class with the Slytherins now proved to be a distraction, because I could only look at Lucius. I saw something very strange, Lucius was awake, then he woke up the person next to him, who reluctantly woke up the person next to him, and on down the line until then person next to me (Karen) was awake. She winked and passed me a note. It said my name on it, so after staring at the beautifully written "Erin Finnigan", I opened it.
Dearest Erin,
I cannot explain how wonderful it is to know that my love for you is returned. Please meet me in the prefect's bathroom at 5:30.
My heart floated.
The day prodded on until, finally, it was 5:30. I was already outside the prefect's bathroom, and went right in. What I saw somewhat scared me. The bathtub was filled with bubbles, and with...er...Lucius. He beckoned me over. After hesitating for about 5 minutes, I finally went over to where he was, took off my shoes and socks, rolled up my pants, and dipped my feet in.
"So...what are we doing here?"
"Come in the tub" Was all he said. I looked at him wide eyed. I barely knew him, what was he thinking? He expected me to...take off my clothes? Whoa, I guess I misjudged this guy...well, maybe not, maybe he didn't mean that. Maybe when I said no, he'd respect that. And so I did.
"No."
"What do you mean, no?" He looked like he was getting angry, so I decided maybe I should obey him. Although I didn't want to, who would ever know, right?
"Promise not to look while until I say so?"
"All right." He closed his eyes. I rubbed my eyes, wondering how I'd gotten into this mess. But I did love him, and I wantedd him happy, so I obidiently removed my clothes and got intothe tub.
"I'm in." He looked at me and smiled. I didn't know why he wanted me in here, and I realized I had made the wrong choice. I didn't know what to do though, I couldn't get out because his eyes were open. It was better to be hidden under the bubbles. Or not...he walked over to me and put my face in his hands. He started touching me in places he shouldn't have. I decided that all this cowardly behaviour of mine waws just stupid, and...
"STOP! I don't want you to do that to me." HE looked at my face, and continued. Right then I realized he didn't love me. In fact, he didn't even care about me. So what if his eyes were open? He was sure to go much farther than this, and I'd rather him see me naked for a few seconds than...than whatever the other choice was. I jumped out of the tub, grabbed my clothes, and ran to a stall. After dressing, I left the bathroom and vowed never to think about Lucius and me again. I thought he cared about me, but I was wrong.
It was hard not to think about kissing Lucius, or being with him. I was only 15 though, and he was not good for me. I had dumped him slently, and I was'nt talking to anyone. I needed to express my feelings to someone, but I just...couldn't. Karen asked me several times what was wrong, but I just brushed her off. I was beginning to act...horrible. I felt horrible. I hated myself. Look at me, I can't even get a guy that truly love me. I can only get one that uses me because I'm pretty. Everyone says I was blessed with beauty, but I'm convinced now that it was a curse. HE just wanted to use me. I must not be very interesting...just beautiful. I guess I don't have a good personality. I guess all I have is looks.
I began to eat a lot to try to feel the empty feeling dumping Lucius had left me with. I began to get fat, and then I hated myself even more. I couldn't even look pretty anymore, why bothor living? Yes, why bother living? I just sat on my bed and cried. I shouldn't be alive right now, I'm no good. I broke Lucius' heart, made him sad, I'm useless...I can't do anything right. I don't deserve to live. You know, I really don't, maybe I should just die, right now. I lay down very still, hoping that I would die. I didn't. I wondered if I could just stop breathing, so I tried it, but it didn't work. I then remembered that I was supposed to be in History of Magic, but it didn't matter, I would just see Lucius and break down crying. I hated everything, mostly myself. I thought of suicide, but then I realized I could never do that.
"Might as well try" I whispered to myself, though I didn't need to whisper, because everyone else was in classes. The problem was, I had nothing to kill myself with. So there I sat on my bed, lonely, unhappy, miserable, depressed, and no way to die. I sat there with the wind from the open window blowing on my face. That used to make me happy, to have wind against my face. I used to love nature, but nothing was fun anymore. Karen had opened the window before she left for class, when I said I'd be a little late, to see if the wind could make me happy. It obviously didn't work. I was angry at myself for not keeping Lucius. I was angry at Lucius for trying to use me. I was angry at the wind and the window for not making me feel at peace. I was angry for not finding a way to die. Mostly, I was mad at the wind and window, I stared at the window, as if that might make me feel better. Then it came to me: the window was open, and i want to commit suicide. I could simply jump out of it. I thought about just jumping, but then people would look for me all over Hogwarts, and everywhere outside of it. I decided I should probably leave something behind so they'd know I was just dead. I quickly scrawled a note to Karen
Dear Karen,
Look out the window.
And that was my note. I sat on my window, thinking about what I was doing. And then --

Disclaimer: This is for all chapters of this story: Everyone from the Potter books are J.K Rowlings, etc. and everyone you've never heard of, such as Erin and Karen, are mine.