Dark Side of Empathy

Part Two: Death Toucher

By Debbie (Dai-chan)

"Hello . . . Sister."

I nearly froze in shock at the voice speaking the word with loathing. I gazed up to Nightrianmon, who was floating away from Myotismon. Her pale, feminine face was expressionless, but her golden eyes were slightly darkened, as if disliked the way the vampire spoke the word. I could see her long fingers clenching together. Myotismon grinned at her reactions and continued, "I know you'd come. It's a long time since I saw you, Nightrianmon. What has happened? Oh, you left the darkness, right?"

Nightrianmon spoke not by mouth, but she spoke through mind, her voice flooding through my mind like soft warmth, but with a bit of dark regret. 'It's all behind me, Myotismon.'

"And you come to stop me?" Myotismon crossed his arms, his lips still having the dark smirk. "Well, what are you waiting for? Here's your chance." But I noticed Nightrianmon hesitated, her hands loosening, her wings drooping a bit. Myotismon scowled at her hesitation and shrugged carelessly. "Well, let us begin. Nightmare Claw!" I tensed in shock as a vague black mist shaped as a shadow of a skull came out of his open hand, hovering toward me and Kimika.

Nightrianmon acted quickly. She pointed her hands toward us and spoke, 'Night Shield!' I saw a smooth silver glow forming around our bodies like a second skin. It was like a warm blanket, protecting us from the darkness. The Nightmare Claw came in contact with the Night Shield. I felt a tickling sensation on my skin, and then, the Nightmare Claw vanished in the air along with the Night Shield.

Myotismon looked a bit furious and hissed softly, "Crimson Lightning!" Two red bolts shoot from his open hand toward Nightrianmon.

'Twilight Moons!' Her wings spread out and thrust forward with two shrill whistles in the air. The force in the air formed into two glowing crescents, the colors of the twilight. They spun in a horizontal position that reminded me of Frisbees, soaring to the lightning. Their sharp edges cut through the bolts in pieces. Together, the bolts and moons vanished in thin air.

"Grisly Wing!" Myotismon spread his cloak, and the bats of darkness flew out of it, squeaking and shrieking as they fluttered toward Nightrianmon.

'Star Twist!' Many tiny stars leaped off her fluttering cloak, and spun through the air to the bats. One by one, a star struck on a bat's chest, both bursting in a flash of light. Soon, the bars were gone, and as a flash, the stars appear on their original position on the nightly cloak, as if nothing had happened.

I was suspicious. I noticed that Myotismon and Nightrianmon were equal in strength. They weren't even trying to destroy each other. Myotismon wasn't appearing eager to destroy her. He was testing her power. And Nightrianmon didn't even make an attack toward him. She only defended against his attacks. They were just floating there in the air, silent. Maybe they wouldn't fight each other because they were related? I wondered if Kimika knew she was bonded to an evil Digimon, not a good Digimon. I tightened my hold on her, my eyes growing distrustful.

Myotismon finally spoke only to Nightrianmon, "We both know this. No matter how much I love to see you dead, we cannot fight each other." His eyes suddenly darkened. "But, oh, how I dream to kill you, Nightrianmon."

'For what I had done to your face?' she spoke smoothly. Myotismon made a fierce hiss in his throat before he stopped himself. Nightrianmon's eyes were sharpened. 'Our last goodbye, remember? I gave you this scar, which you hide behind the mask.' I saw Myotismon scowling darker than Nightrianmon's cloak, his fists shaking at his sides. She nodded once. 'Yes, we cannot fight each other.'

"We were born of the same night," Myotismon said. "No matter how much you deny it, we are one. Always. One side cannot survive without another." He placed a claw-like hand over his chest and bowed deeply with ironic respect to Nightrianmon, who was expressionless. "This talk wearies me. May we meet again, Sister, and hope it will be pleasant like this." He turned away, his cloak rustling behind, and drifted downward to his carriage.

I heard Ikkakumon grunting as he struggled to stand. He dedigivolved back to Gomamon, but he looked upset, growling to Nightrianmon, "What are you waiting for, Nightrianmon? Stop him!"

But she made no move, silently hovering in the air, her golden eyes on Myotismon as he entered in the carriage. The carriage went in motion, rolling at a lazy rate, rolling into the surrounding mist until it disappeared in thin air. Then I heard a deep, mournful sigh coming from her, the sigh seeming to fill my soul. Why would she be sad if she was truly evil after all? Nightrianmon turned to us, and I knew she can read my thoughts since she was psychic. I scowled at her bitterly, distrustfully, shielding Kimika from her. Nightrianmon's eyes went regretful and bowed her head. Then I heard her voice through my mind, woefully.

'Let us leave to a place where Kim can rest.'

The Night Shield surrounded us, but I refused to let it to warm me. I felt the silver glow lifting in the air, like a supportive hand. Nightrianmon spread her wings and drifted upward in the air. I still had my distrustful eyes on the psychic Digimon as we glided upward to a nearby building. We arrived at the top of a building, safe from any unwanted witnesses. I laid Kimika down and sat by her, watching to make sure she was all right. I turned to watch my Digimon, Gomamon, getting upset over the recent encounter. He was still weak from the bats' poison, but he got stronger by the minute. He glared at Nightrianmon, who had her back to us, overlooking the park, silent.

"Why did you hesitate, Nightrianmon?" Gomamon was saying, his green eyes unpleasant. Such so small, he seemed bigger than Nightrianmon with his angry voice and glaring eyes. "Why didn't you attack Myotismon?"

Nightrianmon spoke through mind, her voice a whisper. 'You heard him. I cannot stop him.'

"Sure you can!" Gomamon snapped. She didn't answer back, her eyes on anything else but us. She couldn't even look at Kimika, her own partner, as if in shame. Gomamon stiffly slammed his flipper on the floor, looking fuming, and cleared his throat. "Are you both really related?"

I saw her raising her head to gaze at the stars. 'In a way.'

"What do you mean?" I was still suspicious, but also curious.

Nightrianmon turned to me, her golden eyes meeting my dusky eyes. How strange was that the golden eyes so alike to her partner's brown eyes? And, yet how strange was that the golden eyes used to be full of pure evil a long time ago, just like Myotismon's eyes? She was speaking, 'We were born of the same night.'

"Myotismon said it." I remembered that. "What does it mean?"

'There are two sides to the night.' Nightrianmon's eyes returned to the night sky. 'He is the darkness, the evilness where danger lurks. I am the peacefulness, the sanctuary where a person can be safe in the darkness.' I blinked in surprise. I remembered that I did say that the night was the time for evil to come out. Kimika had said the night was the sanctuary. Nightrianmon was using the same words to describe Myotismon and herself. I saw Nightrianmon watching me with the piercing eyes. She knew.

Gomamon asked from her feet, "And when he said that you left the darkness . . . was it true, Nightrianmon?"

She lowered her eyes to the white Digimon and nodded. 'It's true. I was once evil. I once worked with Myotismon a long time ago. Too long.' Her hand placed over her chest, over her heart. Her voice grew regretful. 'I finally noticed how the evil blackened my heart and tried to turn back, but he won't let me. We fought. I gave him the scar across his face and ran away from the darkness. I was so ashamed that I escaped to File Island and forced myself to dedigivolve into Lyalmon, my baby stage. No sane Digimon would force himself to dedigivolve, but I did it in hopes that I will never, ever digivolve back to Nightrianmon.' She let her hand fall to her side limply, her eyes closed. 'But, as I always know so, my fear came true.'

I cocked my head in perplexity. "What made your fear come true?"

Nightrianmon opened her eyes to me, and suddenly the golden eyes pierced right through my soul, giving me shivers. There were no emotions in the eyes. Not at all. 'Kim,' came the answer.

I was bewildered. How dare she say that about Kimika? I stood, shielding Kimika from her sight, a disbelieved frown on my face. "What? Kim is not evil!"

The golden eyes softened into placidity. 'No, I didn't say she is evil. When I was bonded to her, I could see her memories. Her memories are mine now, so alike to mine. She has a secret, a dark one that wounds her heart for so long.'

I lost my scowl, now confused concern in my face. "Kim?" I turned to look at her. She was laying on her back, her eyes softly shut. The moonlight traced her soft face fairly, but I noticed a difference. Her face was half lightened by the silver moonlight as the other half was black in the shadows. Part light, part dark. Part good, part evil. Was she like that? I wonder . . . I shook my head, turning to Nightrianmon. "But she's so kind, generous. She's empathic."

Nightrianmon spoke now through her mouth, her voice like a night wind, seeming so cold, yet it was soft. "There is a dark side to empathy, Joe." Then her lips shut together, slightly twisted, as if she disliked speaking through her lips. She spoke again through my mind, 'And she will tell you all about it.'

As if she was truly foreseeing it, I heard a weak groan from Kimika. I knelt by her, helping her sitting up. She was holding her head, her face touched with misery. She scanned around, and then looked to me, her brown eyes dull. "What happened?" Her voice was a whisper.

"You saved my life," I answered, "But you got hurt by the lightning."

Kimika gently touched her face, her eyes lowered. I don't know why, but she looked frightened. "Is he gone?" I nodded in answer, deeply concerned about her.

She didn't look relieved, hugging herself from the shivers she had. Her brown eyes hesitantly rose to meet her partner's golden eyes. I saw Nightrianmon looking away from her, her huge wings folding on her back a bit tightly. 'You heard everything,' I heard her speaking.

"Yes," came the shaking voice of Kimika. I wonder how could she hear everything if she was unconscious. Perhaps that was because Nightrianmon was psychic and let her partner know everything she missed.

'Then you know what to do,' replied Nightrianmon.

Kimika lowered her head. "Yes, but it's so hard."

Nightrianmon also lowered her head, but her voice was sharp. 'You are afraid, yes, but you shouldn't let it overcome your empathy. I had done that, and it was not easy. No, it was not.'

Kimika looked up, and I saw new crystal tears in her eyes, leaving silver streaks on her face. She had her hands slackly on her legs, as if they were helpless to wipe the tears away. She looked up to no one, appearing pleadingly. "I don't know what to do. Who can I trust to tell?"

'You can tell Joe.' Both Kimika and I gazed up to Nightrianmon in astonishment. She was gazing right at me, but she spoke to Kimika, 'He bears the Crest of Reliability. You can trust him.' Her golden eyes bore in my soul, seeming to know my true role as a Digidestined. Yes, I bear the Crest of Reliability. I am the one who can be deeply trusted, can be fully replied on for complete trust.

I found myself turning to Kimika, saying, "You can trust me. I am here to help."

Kimika glanced at me with misted tears. "Really?" I answered with a nod and a smile. She slowly wiped her tears away, her brown eyes still dimmed, but something was brightening them. Her voice was soft, "I never told this to anybody, not even Tai."

I reached to hold on her hand, squeezing it firmly. "You can tell me."

She gazed down to my hand, looking slightly amazed, then squeezed it back, faintly smiling. "It was since four years, but I can remember it very clearly. My parents were doctors, and I love to come to the hospital where they work, love to help ill and injured people." She softly sighed, her brown eyes going unfocused as she remembered. "I remember a girl, who I knew very well, only seventeen years old at that time. She was so lively, blithe, a sister to me. Then one late night, she was in a terrible truck-motorcycle accident. She was mortally injured, paralyzed. My father tried his best to save her life as my mother helped the girl's family overcome their grief. The girl was in a coma for, I don't know, four or five days. I remember . . . I was standing in the doorway of her room, watching her. I was horrible. All those tubes . . . coming out of her body, linking to the life-support machines, filling the entire room. There were no nurses or doctors. We were alone.

"She let go of my hand and hugged her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees. "She woke at that time and looked over to me. Straight at me. I was so overjoyed to see her awake. I held her hand, crying, and then she spoke faintly, 'Release me.' At first, I was confused, but I told her everything will be fine. Pa will do everything to save her. But she kept saying, 'Release me.' Then I finally realized that she wanted . . ." She closed her eyes, her body trembling with the memory. "She wanted me to free her. From life."

"She wanted to die?" I muttered in disbelief.

Kimika gazed at me, her eyes sad. "She didn't want to live like she was before, paralyzed, vulnerable, for the rest of her life. I didn't know what came over me, but I remember I responded to her appeal. I shut off the machines that kept her alive. One by one." She gazed down to her left hand, the hand that ended a life. "Then I sat by her side, holding her hand until she died."

All of us were in shocked silence. Nightrianmon was looking away, remembering her own memories that seemed alike to Kimika's, dark guilt in her eyes. Gomamon was sitting by my side, his green eyes slightly wide with disbelief at Kimika. Even I was speechless, staring at her.

She slowly clenched her hand into a reluctant fist. "I couldn't believe what happened next. I walked away after a moment, and then a nurse walked in at the same time. I heard her shocked yell. She was yelling that the girl died. Chaos happened." She closed her eyes tightly, as if she was trying to resist the flooding memories, but couldn't. "I remember standing in the hall, standing silently as doctors and nurses rushed around in a blur, the yells ringing in my ears. I remembered I saw my mother telling the girl's family about what happened. They cried. Strangely, I didn't cry at all, no tears coming out, watching them. But then I saw him, also crying, the one who cried the most. I began to cry, too, running to him to give him my comfort." I saw new tears streaming out of her closed eyes.

"Who was he?" I asked quietly.

She blinked away tears and turned her head to me. "The girl . . . she was Tai's older sister."

I unexpectedly widened my eyes in shock, but Kimika seemed not to react, still watching me. "Tai had another sister?"

Kimika lowered her eyes. "I just couldn't believe it. She was so . . . optimistic, happy, just like Tai. They were so close, so alike in many ways. Now she was dead all because of me."

My voice was gentle like the breeze as I spoke, "Kim, it's not your fault."

"Yes, it is," she suddenly said, gazing up. "When Pa announced that, because of the life-support machines shut off, she was murdered. Murdered, Joe! I only freed her, not murdered her!" She was shaking with silent cries, and I shifted close to hold her. This time, she didn't resist me, burying herself deeply in my arms as if she believed I would protect her from her guilt. She still spoke, "But no one found out who did it. No one suspected a seven-year old child. But in the long four years, I suffered. I felt like I killed her."

"You didn't kill her," I soothed.

Kimika was quiet, and then said, "I wonder if Serpenmon was right." I looked down to her, little confused. I remembered TK told me the story about Kimika and Serpenmon. "He said that the one who cares the most also hates the most. I wonder if I was mad at her because she was free, and I was not."

We sat in uneasy silence. I gazed to Nightrianmon. She was unmoving in her cloak. She had her arms crossed, close to her chest, her eyes on the night sky. I wonder what was her first thought when she was first digivolved into Nightrianmon after a long time. Watching her, I saw her jaw went tense, and I knew she was reading my thoughts.

I turned to Kimika, asking, "Why didn't you tell Tai?"

"I was going to, but he was so enraged over his sister's death that no one could calm him for a long time. He was so desperate. He could scream, throw things around. He even cried in his sleep every night, calling for her. Joe, I never see such anger and grief like that in his eyes. You haven't seen him angry. I have." She tucked her fists under her chin. "I was afraid to tell him. I was afraid of him. I kept it inside so long that I forgot how I could tell him."

I heard Gomamon saying quietly, "And your guilt made Iyumon to digivolve into Nightrianmon?" Kimika avoided his eyes and closed her eyes, silently resting in my arms.

'No, it's not only her fault.' I looked up to see Nightrianmon walking closer, but stopped a few feet away from us. 'It's mine, too. I failed to face my guilt and was so afraid to face myself . . . When I digivolved into Nightrianmon after a long time, Joe, I was so enraged and grieved, but I must face my guilt and accept it.' Her golden eyes flickered to Kimika. 'You must do it, too, Kim.'

Her voice went in quiet sobs. "I . . . can't . . ." She buried her face in her hands, crying. I tightened my hold on her, trying to give her my sympathy. I understood that it was too emotional for her. I let her cry so she would let out all her grief.

'Now you know, Joe.' Nightrianmon's breezy voice filled my mind. 'Now you know.'

Yes, I know now. I now knew why Kimika was shy to all of us. She was afraid to know us because if she would grow close to one of us, she would lose us. I now knew what changed her to be empathic. Even with her fear and guilt, she was empathic, because she knew. She always knew the feelings we were feeling. Once she suffered her guilt, she learned to see emotions, understand them. I knew she cared deeply for each of us, but afraid to show it, because in her fear that something, like Death, would take us away from her, leaving her all alone. Kimika quieted her cries and rested her head on my shoulder.

What I didn't understand was why she chose to tell her secret to me, out of all her friends. I was the one she knew the least. Why would she choose to trust me with her secret? Perhaps we were alike in some ways that we didn't know. Perhaps Reliability and Empathy were alike. They were both in trust and understanding. She needed someone who she would trust, who would understand her. I was that someone. Perhaps this night was the purpose for us to get together and know each other better. Inside, I developed a deeper understanding of her. I knew her better than anybody else.

I looked up to the sky and noticed it was getting lighter. Dawn was coming. We need to get home. "Kim," I said, and she looked up to me. "We need to get home now and get some rest. Are you well enough to walk?"

Kimika nodded silently, and together, we stood. I helped her wiping tears away. It was kind of strange, Kimika and I together because of something that was waiting for us. I was waiting for someone to understand me, and Kimika was waiting for someone who she would trust. I found myself smiling, not remembering why.

Then my smile faded into nothing. There was something that nagged at my mind, something that I should tell her. It was important to both her and Tai. I spoke her name firmly, and she looked up to me with new confusion, but also fear in her eyes. "Now, you have told me your secret, but it was not enough, right?"

Kimika stared at me for a moment, and then nodded slowly. "Right."

"You know what am I going to tell you what to do?"

Kimika again nodded.

I sighed, my dusky eyes piercing right into her brown eyes. "Then you know that you should tell about this to Tai. He deserved to know. You are best friends. That's the only way that you could forgive yourself, and hopefully, he would forgive you."

Kimika shook her head sadly. "I will not ask him for his forgiveness. I know him. But . . . I will try to tell him about this."

"No, Kim. Don't try. Do it. You must tell him, or both of you will suffer. That's my advice to you, Kim. Treasure it preciously. If you treasure your friendship of Tai, you must tell him."

Kimika hugged herself for a while, and then silently nodded. I hated to see her depressed, so I gently pushed her up by her chin and gave her a wise smile. She managed to smile back.

Nightrianmon began to cover us with her Night Shield and lifted us up in the air, she also drifting upward. We floated down to the entrance of the park. I felt warm gratefulness in the glow, and I felt that Nightrianmon was thanking me for listening to Kimika. When we arrived to the ground, the glow vanished, and Nightrianmon hovered closer to Kimika. Both golden and brown eyes gazed at each other, and they smiled, the very exact smile of the gentleness they shared. Nightrianmon then glowed for an instant, and dedigivolved into small Sunomon, floating to Kimika's welcoming arms. Sunomon snuggled closer for warmth, and went to a deep slumber, fatigued from the recent battle and her ultimate form.

Kimika turned to me, the smile still on her lips. "Thank you, Joe."

I picked up a now sleepy Gomamon in my arms. "For what?"

"For listening to me."

I smiled at her warmly. "Anytime, Kim."

Her brown eyes were their usual softness, but they seemed to brighten with new relief. We looked up at the warmth radiating from the growing sunlight. The warmth touched our faces that made us feel good about ourselves. Silently, together, we walked out of the park toward my apartment building. I looked at Kimika, who embraced her Sunomon warmly, grateful. Yes, I know her better than anybody else. I knew her well. We were now close.

To be continued . . .