A/N: None. Just read the fic. And review, I am in desperate need of feedback. Oh, one thing- this IS the conclusion, so all you tortured souls don't have to worry anymore ^_^
Disclaimer: I still don't own Digimon. Not that much has changed since the last time I posted.
Shape of My Heart Part Three: Truth
"I'm worried about Yolei," said Cody.
"Huh? Why?" asked Davis.
"I know what you mean," Kari said. "She hasn't been herself lately."
"Yeah, I've noticed that too!" yelled Davis.
T.K. rolled his eyes at Davis' comment. The three of them were sitting at their lunch table waiting for Yolei to show up. Kari was planning a little heart-to-heart with the older girl when she got there.
Yolei walked up to their table a few minutes later. "Hi, Yolei!" they called cheerfully.
"Hey," she muttered before seating herself as far away from the others as she could get at their little table. Kari exchanged looks with the other Digidestined, and them casually slid down until she was next to Yolei.
"Hey, Yolei, what's up?" she said brightly.
"Nothing!" Yolei replied, flashing a very large – and very fake – smile at Kari.
Kari winced mentally. Still, if Yolei didn't want to talk, there was nothing she could do to make her. She quickly tried to think of a safe topic. "Hey, Yolei, are you ready for the dance tomorrow night?" She immediately regretted saying that as pain and anger crossed Yolei's face.
"I don't think I'm going," Yolei answered finally. Truth be told, she hadn't even given the dance a thought. Remembering it now was like twisting the knife in her heart a little further. She didn't think she could handle watching all the couples when she was so miserable.
Yolei was so wrapped up in her own torment that Kari's shocked and indignant reply didn't even register. Her eyes were starting to burn again. Abruptly she stood and left the table. There was no way she would let the others see her cry.
In the girl's bathroom, she stared at herself in the mirror. Stop it, she screamed at herself. You can't let him do this to you; it's what he wants! He's not worth crying over!
In spite of this, silent tears started to roll down her cheeks. Because the problem was that to her, Ken was worth it. And that only made the pain that much worse.
* * *
Ken paced his chambers. His thoughts had gone around in circles for so long he was getting dizzy. Ken, you fool! How could you possibly have been so stupid? Yolei's tortured face rose in his memory once again. He clenched his fists angrily. Somehow he had to make up for what he did to her…but what could he possibly do to counteract that?
He suddenly became aware of a squeaky voice singing nearby. It has apparently been going on awhile, but now that Ken noticed it he couldn't bear listening to it a moment longer. He stalked out of his room to see Wormmon in the hallway.
"Wormmon, stop that infernal noise!" he snapped. "I can't hear myself think!"
Wormmon cringed, anticipating a blow from his Master. When it didn't come, he was so surprised he dared to comment. "I'm sorry, master, it's just sometimes I like to sing. Singing and music makes me feel better."
Ken was about to snap back when what Wormmon had said hit him like a semi-truck. His violet eyes widened. A vague memory flitted past him – A Digidestined, possibly the other girl Kari, saying something about a dance –
In an instant he was at his computer console. A few minutes typing confirmed his suspicions.
Ken took a deep breath. It didn't help, so he took a few more. He knew what he could do.
He just didn't know if he had the courage to do it.
* * *
Yolei looked on at the writhing dancers miserably. She had only come because Kari had insisted ("You can not even consider missing the biggest social event of the year!"). Kari had insisted Yolei would have fun. Somehow Yolei believed otherwise - and she hadn't been proven wrong so far.
Just then Kari came laughing off the dance floor, T.K. at her side. The two had practically cleared the gym; they were so talented a dancing pair. Yolei had a few minutes of grim humor watching Davis fume before sinking into her depression again. Why did Ken do that to me? she agonized. How could he be so...so cold? After all...here her thoughts gave out, which was just as well because Kari was starting to look at her oddly. She shook herself out of it and managed a smile.
"Isn't this great?" Kari asked her. "I am having so much fun!"
"I can think of at least a hundred other things I'd rather be doing right now. Going to the dentist's is one of them."
Kari laughed. "You're not serious!" When Yolei's expression didn't change, Kari frowned. "Are you?"
Yolei was about to answer when another couple came up. "Hi Kari!" they called.
"Hi, you guys!" she shouted, before dragging T.K. off to talk to them. "See you, Yolei!" she called over her shoulder.
"See you," Yolei mumbled. She was even more depressed now than she had been before. What am I doing here?
* * *
Ken glanced nervously into the crowded gym. He felt extremely uncomfortable being back in the real world after so long, and he was afraid someone would recognize him. Still, the only way to get to the DJ in the sound booth was to go through the gym. And he had to get to the DJ. Ken set off across the room.
He stuck to the shadows, winding his way around tables and couples making out in the back of the room. Something caught his eye on the other side of the floor. It was Yolei.
She looked absolutely miserable. Ken felt a pang in his chest as he looked at her. He shivered slightly. He still wasn't used to the way she affected him, even from a distance. But her appearance only strengthened his resolve. Resolutely he continued his walk across the floor.
When he reached the other side, he looked around cautiously, then slipped through the door that led to the sound booth. Teens went through there all night, requesting songs. He wouldn't look out of place.
Ken had a moment's panic when two girls walked down the hall, but he faced the other way and they didn't seem to recognize him. He breathed a sigh of relief and turned into the sound booth.
The DJ sat among the huge equipment like a king on his throne. Multicolored lights flashed all around him. Ken was grateful for that; it would be hard for anyone to recognize him when his hair was constantly changing from blue to red to green. He walked up to the DJ. "I'd like to request a song."
* * *
That's it, Yolei thought to herself. I'm outta here. She couldn't take any more of watching the happy couples dancing. They all had what she did not - someone to care about them, to love them. Ironic that I have the Digimental of Love, she thought bitterly. I've never experienced it. Mentally she corrected herself. I've never had anyone who actually loved me back. Why, oh why did I have to fall for the bad guy?
She angrily pushed back tears. She would not cry, not over him - or at least not where anyone could see her. She had to get out of there.
Yolei was halfway to the door when the song stopped. She stopped also, wondering what the problem was. Indignant remarks from couples filled the air. Then a voice came over the speakers, and she couldn't quite breathe. She knew that voice.
"I apologize to anyone who liked that song. But there is something very important I need to take care of, before the person who means most to me leaves."
Ken.
* * *
Ken waited impatiently at the DJ's side. The heavyset man had tried to get rid of him, but Ken politely and firmly refused to leave until his song was played. The man had grumbled, but there was really nothing he could do.
"All right, kid, I've got your song here. I'm gonna play it next, all right? You can go now."
"I'm sorry. I can't do that," Ken replied calmly.
"Look, kid," the man began, clearly frustrated. But Ken happened to glance out the window at just that moment. He had a clear view of the dance floor, and his eyes were glued to a purple-haired figure walking towards the door.
She can't leave. Not now! he thought, adrenaline rising. Ken was filled with the need to act, now. He pushed the DJ aside, ignoring his protests and stopped the song that was playing. He searched frantically for the controls for the microphone and the speakers. There!
A second later the microphone was in his sweaty hands. He swallowed. Maybe he couldn't do this...he noticed Yolei had stopped. She was looking back at the gym. This was his only chance.
"I apologize to anyone who liked that song. But there is something very important I need to take care of, before the person who means most to me leaves." He stopped for breath. What could he say now? He forced himself to continue. "Someone very special to me is here tonight. She is the only one who ever cared about me for who I was, not what I could do. I want her to know what that meant to me." Ken strained to regulate his breathing. This was the hard part.
"I want her to know that I'm sorry."
* * *
"I want her to know that I'm sorry."
The words resonated through her entire being. Yolei fought to breathe, and this time she could not stop the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. He doesn't mean it, she thought wildly. He told me it was a mistake...that he hated me. How could he really...?
The voice went on. "I can't try to make excuses for how much I hurt her. I was just afraid...no, that's an excuse. Just please" - here the voice sounded begging – "please try to understand."
The beginning strains of music were starting. The voice dropped so low she could hardly hear it. "Please try to forgive me. This song is for you."
Tears poured unchecked down Yolei's face. He meant it...he meant what he said. Why else would he risk exposure like that, or do something so drastic? The emotion was overwhelming her. She threw her thoughts into the song. Just listen to the music...calm down, her mind said.
Unfortunately, the music would do nothing to soothe her.
Baby, please try to forgive me.
Stay here, don't put out the glow.
Hold me now, don't bother
If every minute it makes me weaker.
You can save me from the man that I've become.
Yolei choked out a gasp. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She swore she could almost see Ken, singing to her...
Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone.
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart.
Yolei couldn't take it anymore. She turned and ran from the gym, the haunting lyrics following her the entire way.
Now let me show you the shape of my heart...
Yolei ran out of the gym faster than she had ever run before. She managed to get out of the school before breaking down entirely. Then she collapsed on the pavement and sobbed like never before.
Eventually her tears calmed. She kept her face down, but she still sensed a presence near her. Finally she said, in a flat, dead voice that surprised even her, "Hello, Ken."
Ken jumped slightly. He hadn't been aware she knew he was there. Control, however, had always been one of the Emperor's strong points. He regained his composure and said simply, "Hello, Yolei."
Yolei looked up at him. It made his heart sick to see her tear-stained face. Ken crouched down next to her and reached a hand out to brush away a tear. She recoiled instantly. He leaned back, hurt.
All the words he had planned to say flew out of his mind. It was possibly the first time in his life he had been speechless. No, second. The other time was when she first kissed me. Amazing, how at the time where so much needed to be said he could say nothing at all. Ken simply looked at her, and marveled at how she could still look beautiful even when her face was red and puffy from weeping.
Finally Yolei spoke. "Well? What do you want?"
Ken bit his lip. How could he answer that in mere words? In the back of his mind, he had hoped that the song would be enough. But apparently it was not. He needed to tell her face to face. But that meant becoming vulnerable, baring his soul. And he still cringed at the thought of opening up to anyone, even the person he loved more than life itself.
Yolei took his silence as rejection. Her voice was amazingly cold as she said, "I should have known it was all talk. It was stupid to think you cared about anyone but yourself."
Ken's eyes widened. She couldn't think that! Didn't she understand? Didn't she even listen to the song he had so painstakingly picked out for her? No, he thought. That isn't enough. You knew it wouldn't be enough. You knew it wouldn't…
Yolei's face hardened. She stood up and began to walk away. "No," Ken said. He lurched up and grabbed her shoulder. "Please…don't leave me…please."
"Don't leave you?!?" Yolei cried out. "You have nothing to say on that subject, Ken!"
"I know," he said desperately. "But please listen to me…at least hear me out."
Yolei looked at his pleading face and relented. She wrenched her arm out of Ken's grip but did not move away. She nodded her consent, and he breathed a sigh of relief and started talking.
"I was scared. After you left Friday, I…" he struggled to find the right words. "I could only think about you. I wanted to see you so badly it scared me. I needed to see you, and it was as strong as needing oxygen or water. I've never needed anyone before, not ever. And in only a few short days you had more control over me than anyone ever had in my entire life. "
Yolei gaped at him. She had no idea that he felt like that. "You're not…you're not serious?" He nodded grimly.
"I felt like I was losing control. I had promised myself that I would never need anyone. So when you came back Monday, I felt like the only way to regain control was to get rid of you. Just like I did when I released you from the dungeons."
"That's why you let me go," she breathed.
He nodded again, then took a deep breath. This was the painful part. "I'm…sorry." The words tasted strange in his mouth. "Will you…forgive me?"
Yolei stared at him, and incomprehensibly, began to laugh. He looked at her, shocked and hurt. He had just poured out his heart to her, and she was laughing at him!
"I'm sorry," she said, giggling. "But you looked so funny…like you'd never apologized for anything before in your life."
"I haven't."
She stared at him, laughter gone. "Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"Wow." She looked at him. "Do you really mean it, then?"
"Yes." Ken looked her directly in the eye. "More than anything."
Yolei nodded. She took a step forward. Then she slapped him across the face.
He held his cheek and stared at her. Pain rushed through his body – more mental than physical. "That was for hurting me," she said.
Ken turned away. Bitterness filled his mind. He was stopped from leaving by her hand. He looked back, feeling a remarkable sense of déjà vu. He was about to ask what she wanted when she kissed him full on the lips. Ken just stood there, absolutely stunned. Then his instincts took over and he kissed her back.
She pulled away. "That was for coming back," she whispered. He stared at her, and a rare smile spread over his face. He pulled Yolei back into his arms, and she willingly accepted his kiss.
An amazingly long time period later, Yolei managed to gasp into his ear, "I love you."
He held her closer and kissed her again. Then he brought his lips next to her ear and whispered back raggedly, "I love you, too."
The night closed in around the couple, fog enshrouding them in their own private version of paradise.
Review. That's all I ask.