These characters and situations belong to Gainax, Hideaki Anno, and Yoshiyuki Sadamoto.
Asuka's Project 3
"Commander, can I ask you about the commander?"
"Ikari? I suppose." The sub-commander was buried in gobs of paperwork while Asuka sat in his office and watched, occasionally handing him papers.
"Why is he... the way he is?"
"Why is anyone the way they are? The events of our lives shape us."
"Yeah, I know about Jensen and his sixty/forty theory, but... something really bad must have happened. Look at what happened to me, and I'm fine."
Fuyutsuki stopped writing and looked up at Asuka, one eyebrow arched. He would have disagreed, but it simply wouldn't make any difference. "No, they're not... pleasant memories at all," he said, returning to his work.
Asuka shrugged. "I really think he needs to lighten up."
"He's never been light. Happy, yes. Light, certainly not."
"Really? Happy? I didn't think that was possible."
Fuyutsuki chuckled. "You'd be surprised. And this isn't exactly a time to be going on picnics in the park."
"I suppose." She placed another stack of papers in front of him. "Still, wouldn't it work better if he, you know, got along with people?"
"To some extent. His particular... technique is more useful for dealing with people outside of NERV. We basically rely on NERV personnel to share a similar vision, or at least be loyal and dedicated."
Asuka smirked. "It's definitely not the money. I've heard Misato complain enough about that."
"Yes, and you can thank the UN for that. They don't seem to care about keeping NERV operational to pull their hides out of the fire."
"Dummkopfs."
That made Fuyutsuki chuckle in the midst of the paperwork.
"So how was your day, Asuka?" Misato asked as they got into the car.
"Pretty good. Commander Fuyutsuki was nice."
Misato blinked. "I thought you were helping out Ritsuko."
"Yeah, but... she didn't need my help."
"So how did you end up with Commander Fuyutsuki?"
"Commander Ikari told me to report to him."
There was a chain of events that Misato didn't even want to try to figure out. "Right. So what you think of NERV behind the scenes?"
"I think it's a huge mess. I suppose it's not something you can do anything about, but I'm surprised anyone thinks NERV will save the city," Asuka explained as she looked out the car window.
"Thanks for your ringing endorsement. We do try, you know."
"Hmm... What do you think of Commander Ikari?"
Misato chuckled. "Still got a grudge against him? You'll never get anywhere with it. Half the free world has a grudge against that man, and he's never so much as been hit with a pie in public."
"But what do you think about him?"
"I think he's a cold-hearted monster for the most part, but what better way to fight monsters than have one of your own?" Misato shrugged. "A necessary evil, I suppose."
"Do you really think he needs to act like that?"
For a few moments, Misato remained silent, and when she spoke, it was thoughtful. "Sometimes, I think he has no heart at all, that he's a machine, and the only compassion he knows is the dictionary entry, but then..." She shrugged somewhat helplessly. "I try to imagine what things would be like if someone like Commander Fuyutsuki were in charge. I can't see it; I can't see NERV, Tokyo-3, Japan surviving as long as they already have."
Asuka nodded. "Do you respect him?"
Misato laughed. "I've never been asked that one before."
"Do you?"
"I dunno. I know I probably should, but... I can't. I can't respect someone who does so many things I disagree with... even if I know they have to be done."
There was respect, if only for his rank, and very grudging, but it was respect all the same. It was probably similar to the way Asuka herself felt.
Commander Ikari was simply impossible to like. Mostly.
Asuka stared at her bed and gave it a dirty look before lying down in it. She had developed this routine of letting the bed, blankets, pillows, and sheets know how much she hated them, and that seemed to keep the dreams away.
Stifling a single yawn, Asuka curled up and went to sleep.
Unhealthy curiosity. That's what it was. All the same, she couldn't stop. Obsession... Even if she wanted to stop, she couldn't stop until she knew everything. All the secrets, all the little things... What made her own Unit 02 tick was nothing compared to this.
What made Commander Ikari tick? What made him an apparent atomic bomb ready to go off at any time? And was Shinji really his son?
Asuka was fairly sure he was. After all, who else would put up with him besides his father?
"Something on your mind?"
Blinking, she turned away from the window and looked at Commander Fuyutsuki. "Just thinking about Shinji and the commander. I'd never know they were related if I didn't... er... know, I suppose."
Kozo laughed. "They aren't very similar, are they? He's not much like Yui either, though sometimes I see it. Not often though."
"More for the commander?" Asuka asked, eyeing the pile of papers Fuyutsuki had just added to.
"Compliments of the UN."
Asuka almost whistled on her way to the commander's office. At least by working at NERV she didn't have to listen to teachers drone on endlessly about things they didn't really know about.
And Commander Fuyutsuki seemed to be a pretty good source of information. Even though delivering papers wasn't very mentally stimulating or challenging, it was preferable to sitting in a desk at school all day.
The idea was funny and frightening at the same time. Having to deal with the commander each day was not enough to deter her escape- avoidance behavior. The truly scary thing was that... she couldn't be sure if it was a negative or positive reinforcer... or maybe, possibly... probably both.
There went mistake number one. The professors had always warned that students should never try to analyze themselves. Yet, she was acting just like a freshman again. The results, invariably, ended up being the worst of everything about herself.
Commander's door. Time to stop analyzing herself, lest he think she'd totally flipped her wig... which might very well have been true. No need to advertise it though; the ritual didn't allow for such distractions.
Asuka knocked, and entered after he granted permission. "Commander," she greeted almost lightly, setting the papers on his desk.
"Pilot," he answered.
She froze. He hadn't done that before. The only words she was used to hearing from him were "enter" and "dismissed," and sometimes she didn't even get "dismissed."
How long she stood immobile with a puzzled look on her face was undetermined. She kept expecting him to make some request of her, ask her another question that he knew the answer to...
He looked up at her. "Is there something else?"
"Uh..." The glare was gone, and Asuka could see how much the commander's and Shinji's eyes were alike, even though they were different colors. Shinji's didn't seem to swirl with... darkness, as much pain, and... the yearning. For what though? "Nothing, Sir."
"Then you're dismissed." He lowered his gaze to the papers and began to look through them.
With the befuddled look still on her face, Asuka turned and left.
"What is NERV really trying to do?"
For the time it took Asuka's heart to beat twice, she watched Commander Fuyutsuki's pen stop. Then it began scribbling away again. "To protect the world from angel attacks."
"Why does Commander Ikari have that look in his eyes then?"
"What look?"
Asuka shrugged. "It reminded me of Shinji sometimes. I don't really know what it is."
Aloud, he said, for her benefit, "The pressure on all of us is very intense."
Nodding in response, Asuka could tell it wasn't something he wanted to talk about. "So is the UN going to fire us all?"
"Not yet. They can't cut as deep as they'd like to without justification, and simply being cheap is not. I think the destruction of Tokyo-3 would be bad press for them as well."
"I considered teaching when I started college. If this is where it leads, I'm glad I didn't bother. Paperwork is the most useless thing in the entire world."
Fuyutsuki dropped the pen and leaned back in his chair. "It's good for one thing: hand cramps."
"Should I take these to the commander?" Asuka asked, eyeing the papers that had just been finished.
"You don't have to. They'll still be here tomorrow."
"I don't mind. It's only a few more signatures for Commander Ikari."
Fuyutsuki only sighed and shook his head.
She performed the ritual for what felt like the hundredth time that week. It wasn't tiring yet; the commander seemed to enjoy catching her off guard every so often, keeping protocol fresh.
That also probably meant he wasn't bothered the way she had hoped.
"Enter."
Lips pursed in a half-whistle, Asuka opened the door. She resisted blinking in an effort to get her eyes adjusted to the gloom. If he could sit in there with his tinted glasses and not have any trouble, then she could manage. "More, Sir."
"Pilot, do yourself a favor." He didn't look up from his papers.
"Sir?"
"Stop. You won't accomplish anything."
Asuka swallowed involuntarily, prompting the commander to raise his head. She actually took a step back when she realized he wasn't wearing his glasses.
"I remind you again that you are a child. You have no idea what you are doing when you play these games."
Finding her voice, Asuka braved an innocent response. "I don't--"
"Playing innocent is the final resort of a desperate individual. A guilty individual."
When he spoke, the feelings that welled up in Asuka were actually the opposite of what she would have expected. She felt even more bold, not intimidated. "And I'm sure you've never played innocent, Sir."
"You tread a dangerous path."
"Sir, are you threatening me?" Those were words she wanted to take back as soon as she spoke them, but it was too late for that.
Corner of his mouth twitching into a look of near-amusement, he shook his head. "I have no need to threaten you, pilot."
"Why are you such a bastard?" Asuka snapped, no longer fearing what he might say or do to her.
"It accomplishes what needs to be done. The success of the Project is the only thing of importance."
Cold and harsh, like a blade. That was his voice, his answer. People didn't matter. Not the personnel of NERV, not the pilots, not Dr. Akagi... "What about Shinji?"
"Dismissed, pilot," he answered curtly.
With a frown seated prominently on her face, Asuka simply shook her head.
"Pilot, you are dismissed," he repeated, sounding annoyed.
"I don't know why you hate him. He does everything to try and get you to care." With that finally said, though she wasn't sure why she had said it, Asuka left the office.
When she was out in the hall, the frown faded and the exhilaration of what she had just done hit her. Trembling slightly, trying her best to not go charging down the hall and make as much noise as she could, Asuka just leaned against the wall and took deep breaths.
What got Misato so rattled she'd never know. That had been the most heart-pounding experience of her life right after piloting. She had actually given Commander Ikari a piece of her mind, even if it had only been about Shinji.
And what had the commander done? Nothing! She had won!
Asuka Langely Sohryu had beaten Commander Ikari at his own game! It was a proud day indeed.
"What are you smiling about?"
Looking up at the curious face of Misato, Asuka felt her smile grow. "I have to tell you something," she said and grabbed her guardian's arm to pull her down the hall.
Kozo Fuyutsuki had the beginnings of a headache. "You're giving me a headache."
"She has overstepped her bounds yet again. She will return to school immediately," Gendo said, sounding vaguely annoyed.
"She must have pushed all your buttons to get you this worked up. That girl is either fearless or brainless."
"Are you finding this amusing?"
Oh yeah, he was not happy at all. "In a way, yes. You're taking this far too seriously."
"She is the one taking things far too lightly, playing games as if this were a carnival. She isn't aware of how important--"
"What did she say? Something about Yui? Or was it Rei? Possibly Shinji..."
"Old man..."
"Don't call me an old man just because I'm right. You're angry because she hurt you and you have no way to deal with it. I know you, Ikari, better than you might think, and certainly better than I'd like to."
Snorting in what might have been disgust, Gendo stood, walked past his second-in-command and left the office.
The metal was strangely warm to his touch. Almost alive, but not. It never would be really. If she decided to strike against him then, he wouldn't be able to move fast enough; she would have what she wanted.
The words were always inadequate; they couldn't change things. It was only him, and her, and the thrumming of NERV around them.
This was the only time he had the courage to say the things that no one else would understand. Even then it was cowardly, as she gave no response, no reaction. "I don't hate him," he said quietly.
One gloved hand clenched into a fist, but that was the only evidence of emotion. "The children..." The word could have almost been mistaken for a curse. "None of them realize what is at stake. The Second perceives this as a game, and there isn't any way..."
The fist clenched tighter for a moment, then relaxed and hung limply at his side. "Broken homes... The one thing in our lives that we all share."
"Shinji."
He actually flinched. "What do you want this time?" Shinji asked, more sharply than he had meant.
Expecting the worst, he was surprised when Asuka plopped down on the couch next to him.
"Why is your father such a..." She paused with the word "jerk" on her lips. "A bastard?"
Shinji's spine immediately stiffened. He heard a lot of things come out of Asuka's mouth, but never anything like that. "What... what do you mean?"
Asuka snorted. "You know what I mean, dummkopf. Come on, you have to know something. It's like torture being at NERV all day long."
"I don't know! It's not like he treats me any better than anyone else. He probably treats me worse."
Crossing her arms, Asuka directed her practiced scowl at the TV. Shinji wouldn't, couldn't lie. If he was holding something back, she would know. "Maybe," she said slowly, her scowl fading, "you're too big of a wimp for him to respect."
Shinji's face turned bright red. "Hey! It's got nothing to do with that! Besides, that doesn't explain why he doesn't like you."
Asuka grinned, trying her best to keep Shinji from seeing her amusement. She was supposed to be annoyed about the whole thing; if she laughed, it probably would dissolve Shinji's burgeoning spine on the spot.
"You're just too bossy."
The grin disappeared from her face to be replaced by a dangerous glare. "What?"
Again, he flinched away. "Er..." Shinji started to rise from the couch. "Nothing!" He sprang to his feet and retreated to his room before any violence could be directed at him.
Asuka just shook her head. A spine, but still no brains.
The mood of the classroom was decidedly... rigid. Military-like. Everyone sat quietly in their seats, backs straight, eyes forward, all attention on the teacher even though they had heard the lecture countless times before.
Hikari sat at her desk, hands folded in front of her, looking like the perfect little angel, ready to rain holy hell down on anyone who dared disturb it.
Toji, sporting a swollen lip and angry red cheeks, thought she resembled more of a devil.
Asuka sat with her head in her hand. Her eyes were staring at the front of the classroom, but were looking somewhere very far away.
She was hoping to avoid another dream, but it seemed to have burned itself into her subconscious. It was getting more and more common, and... and with possibilities she wasn't going to dwell on. It had become impossible to get a week's worth of undisturbed sleep.
Those nights when she woke up sweating and trembling, the thought invariably flitted through her mind to just stop the game... Then her rational mind would reassert itself, and there was no way she was going to give in.
Sitting in class though, eyes threatening to close, vague images from the dream intruding on her, making her heart beat just a little faster, the idea of giving in swirled through her mind again, and she wasn't so quick to push it away.
"You've been reassigned again."
Asuka sighed. She was too tired to get annoyed. "Where is it this time?"
Fuyutsuki shrugged before answering, "Talk to Commander Ikari."
"You want to play games?"
"No, Sir." She should have felt safe in that relative darkness, but Asuka felt like she was completely vulnerable, laid bare with everything out in the open. It was the most uncomfortable sensation, but she resisted fidgeting.
"I've... tolerated your behavior this long only because Fuyutsuki continues to claim you are childishly innocent."
His head tilted just a fraction of a centimeter to the right, and Asuka knew that this was his way of letting her know he didn't agree with the sub-commander.
And the words stung her, causing her pride to flare to life. "Maybe if you--"
"Enough. If you wish to leave, I won't stop you."
Face burning with anger and embarrassment, Asuka knew what he meant. If she left, he would consider that a positive thing. Well, she wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. "No, Sir. I'm not going to quit."
"Very well. I expect your behavior to improve."
Something about that made her nervous. If he expected her behavior to improve, then... "It will, Sir. So where am I being reassigned to?"
Dread. Slow, creeping dread. It made its way up from her feet, over her knees, feeling like a cold draft. Tell me! Say it! I already know! she screamed inside.
"You know as well as I do."
"Yes, I guess I do, but I don't understand." Asuka stared at the supreme commander of NERV and wondered...
"The only thing required of you is that you pilot. You don't need to understand."
Asuka snorted. "Right about now, I'm trying to understand why anyone put you in charge. You're not helping the attitude of anyone who works here."
"It is not my job to be the cheerleader of NERV. We have people like Major Katsuragi for that."
The hiss of Asuka sucking air through her teeth was the only sound in the suddenly quiet office. For some reason, that statement infuriated her when it shouldn't have. "Misato does a good job."
"Does she?"
Was he looking for her to vouch for Misato, or was he just questioning her? Did Misato do a good job? "We're alive. She does a good job, no thanks to you, Sir."
He looked at her for a moment, giving nothing away. "Take this to Dr. Akagi," he said abruptly and slid an immaculately folded piece of paper across the desk toward her.
Asuka's eyes flicked down to it, then back at the commander, but he was already back at his work. Was this another test? Shrugging, she snatched the paper from the desk and turned to leave, expecting to be stopped at any moment.
Whatever test he had been giving her, if there had actually been one, she passed and was allowed to leave the office without further discussion or instructions with the paper clutched tightly between her thumb and forefinger. For Dr. Akagi... Asuka looked at the paper as she walked and pondered.
Idly, she rubbed the two halves of the paper together, wondering what the situation was really all about. Everything she was instructed to do, each encounter with Commander Ikari was a careful... exploration of her will, her mettle, her...
It was like a doctor's exam, but not physical. It just...
Tonight. Eleven.
Two simple words and Asuka's eyes were about to bulge from their sockets. She was looking at the unfolded paper, reading it. Swearing to herself, she refolded it and held it purposely at her side.
There had been no urge to read it in her, and she sure didn't need to know about any personal plans. Asuka's pace picked up as she headed for the lab. Best just to drop it off and be done with it. Out of sight, out of mind.
The situation nagged her though. A note? For wanting to keep the whole thing quiet, having someone curry a note seemed very, very stupid.
"He expected me to read this," Asuka whispered. "He purposely gave me this note and knew I would look at it." Scowling, she shook her head. Another damned setup. "Who's the one playing games, Commander?" she said, her voice echoing down the corridor.
"The commander wants to see you tonight."
Ritsuko straightened up and faced the speaker slowly. "What?" she asked, her eyes narrowed.
"He wants to see you tonight," Asuka answered casually, leaning against the wall. "Eleven." The note was held in her fingers, up where it could be easily seen. "I hope you don't mind that I took a peek. After all, I already know; it's not a secret."
"You little..." Ritsuko growled and snatched the paper from her.
"I'm just doing what the commander told me to. Don't shoot the messenger. I'm sure you'll get plenty of that later anyway." She left quickly, before an adequate reply could be formed in the doctor's mind.
Without attempting to suppress her grin, Asuka said, "She's very emotional."
"Who?"
"Dr. Akagi. She didn't seem very happy to get your message." She was still grinning and it didn't feel like it was going to go away any time soon.
"Perhaps it was your method of delivery."
Asuka blinked. How did he... No, he set it all up. He practically knew how everything was going to go before it happened. "Well, maybe."
"I will hear about this later." He finally managed to spare Asuka some attention and glanced at her. "She will request your removal. Again."
"She took the bait so perfectly! It's not my problem she overreacted!" Asuka protested. "It's your fault for setting me up with that note!"
"Is it?"
"Yeah!"
"I did not force you to read it."
Asuka was getting better; she wasn't caught off-guard. "You still set me up, using just a folded piece of paper like that. You knew, and even if you didn't, you hoped I would read it anyway. Why?"
His shoulder twitched in the barest shrugged, and he no longer found her of any interest.
"Who's playing games now?"
"I told you nothing would be accomplished. It distracts from what needs to be done. I've already informed you of this."
"Yeah, yeah." Asuka found herself getting into it. Even though he was giving her the same attention he might give an annoying fly, it almost felt like she was having an actual conversation with him. Nobody did that.
Except maybe Commander Fuyutsuki. And probably Dr. Akagi... Asuka couldn't help but smirk. If they even bothered with conversation. "Sir, if you don't need anything else, no more games or anything, I'd like to head home."
That got his attention for a single moment, and Asuka could see her faintly grinning face reflected in his glasses.
"Request granted, pilot."
There was suddenly a very large lump in her throat. "Th... thank you, Sir," she said in a shaky voice and quickly left. Out in the hall, Asuka had to lean against the wall in an effort to compose herself without collapsing.
He just had to say that, didn't he? Had to say something so similar to the dream, but there was no way he could have known that. No way. No. Way.
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End Part 3