Asuka's Project 4
Asuka's choice of nighttime clothing had grown more conservative to the point that she was in red flannel pajamas. If there was anything more conservative, she hadn't found it in her size.
Thinking serene thoughts--boring, unexciting thoughts--Asuka settled into bed, nestled under the blankets, and tried to get some decent sleep.
"Stupid Shinji.... Stupid father..." she mumbled. "Stupid NERV...." With a final annoyed sigh, Asuka relaxed and slipped into sleep.
She moaned in her sleep, her face carrying a frown.
This dream was.... The routine was familiar, but subtly different. In the changing room, behind a sheet hung up to hide her form from prying eyes, Asuka began to remove her school uniform.
It was totally silent except for the sound of a single drip coming from the showers, which was quite unnerving. Why wasn't anyone else there? Even Wondergirl was better than complete silence.
The sound of the door was almost furtive, as if someone didn't want their presence to be known. Asuka, with her clothes half-removed, stopped and listened. It could have been Wondergirl or Shinji....
While the opening and closing of the door had been quiet, the footfalls that followed were not at all. They were not the footsteps of a fellow pilot. "Is... something wrong?" she asked, wincing at how loud her voice sounded, echoing in the emptiness of the room.
The person gave no answer other than their echoing footsteps.
Asuka waited to see if the identity of the visitor would be revealed. The fact that she was so vulnerable was foremost in her mind, which should have been silly since she was in the heart of NERV, but....
The silhouette that presented itself through the screen made her breath catch. The heart of NERV.... She should have expected it. "Is there something wrong?" she asked and hated the quaver in her voice.
He still didn't speak, just stood there and watched... her.
Shivering in the cool air of the changing room, Asuka began to put her clothes back on.
"Pilot Langley, report for synchronization test. Pilot Langley."
With a baleful stare, Asuka looked up at the little speaker the voice had just come from. It appeared there would be no getting out of it.
She turned her back to the sheet and began to undress. Really, she should have just left, but she didn't not want to give him a show get in trouble. Dr. Akagi was a real slut stickler for schedules.
Asuka had to admit to herself as her uniform dropped to the floor in an untidy heap that she was pretty much desperate for his attention a schedule person too.
Not that she had a choice. Her entire life so far revolved around him schedules and she was desperate sticking to them. It was just consuming her life, every waking and sleeping moment a necessary evil.
She was naked then, and her plug suit two feet away seemed such a hassle to put on. "Why are you watching me?" she asked aloud, staring at the red suit. "What is it about you?"
You need authority in your life. You need someone strong to control you. You get away with too much.
"I don't need authority," she grumbled. "Misato's enough, always telling me what to do...."
You have to pilot to my standards, not yours. You have to do what I say without question. You have to obey my rules. You pilot... for me.
Asuka found her head automatically nodding. "Yes, Sir." Sighing like a tired old woman, she reached for the sheet and yanked it aside.
"Bastard!"
She was gasping for air, her entire body soaked with sweat. "Damn it!" One night. That was all she asked for, and apparently that was just too much.
"Leave me alone so I can get some sleep!" Frustrated nearly to tears by her inability to sleep, Asuka flopped back on her bed and stared at the ceiling.
Every day. She would have to deal with him every day, which wouldn't bother her at all... except for the dreams. The dreams that wouldn't go away. The dreams that demanded her attention every single night. The dreams that were getting worse.
But... not worse in a bad way, and that was what bothered her most of all. It wasn't possible, just couldn't be, she wouldn't believe it that she was.... That she found anything appealing about Shinji's father.
God, she couldn't even refer to him normally, since that seemed to raise odd thoughts in her head and cause stirrings in her stomach.
"What do I do?" she moaned quietly before she fell into a much troubled sleep.
"Pilot."
Asuka didn't bother wasting energy on answering him. She was exhausted, physically and mentally, and she had no hope of competing with him that day. Even though she felt like screaming at him, there just wasn't any point.
"You are unfit to perform your duties."
She mumbled something and stared at the floor in front of her.
"Repeat yourself."
"I said go to hell." Maybe that hadn't been the smartest thing to do, but the words had been spoken. What could he do to her anyway?
"Come here, pilot."
Her legs, weakened by exhaustion, carried her forward, and nothing seemed better than to just lie down right on that huge desk for a nap.
"No, come here."
Her legs carried her around the desk to stand right next to his chair. This was strange that he would want her so close, but....
He grabbed her arm and pulled her toward him. With a quick jerk, she found herself bent over his lap, his knees pressing almost painfully into her ribs and stomach. "This is your punishment for that outburst."
Before Asuka could consider what he was going to do, she felt the sharp swat on her backside. It wasn't quite enough to hurt, but it was certainly enough to get her attention. Yet, even as the next blow fell, and the next, and the pain mounted, she remained silent.
She would not whine, she would not cry. Not for him. She hadn't done it for her mother, and she certainly would not for her bastard commander. Not for anybody, not even herself.
The punishment stopped abruptly then, and that was when, to her shame and embarrassment, she could feel that indeed she was crying. The tears were still dripping silently from her eyes.
But this was not another bitter night in Germany, alone and abandoned. Strong arms lifted her upright and cradled her gently. Her head fell limply against the chest of her commander.
As the moments passed, marked only by the steady beating of his heart, Asuka opened eyes she hadn't even realized were shut. She could see his hand resting on her arm.
He had used his bare hands to deliver the punishment, and then to comfort her. For some reason, that meant more than she could fathom, and Asuka closed her eyes again, feeling safe.
Consciousness returned to her slowly. Though it wasn't so much that as it was... wakefulness. Asuka's eyes snapped open at that realization. Finally she had gotten some uninterrupted sleep.
But had things really happened the way she... remembered them? Had she really fallen asleep in his arms? Just the simple memory, real or imagined, made her feel... warm. That, and the safety she remembered, was something she hadn't felt in a very long time.
"It's good to see you awake," a nurse said as she entered the room.
That caused Asuka to sit up and take stock of her situation. She was still dressed in the clothes she had put on that morning, and she was on one of the infirmary beds. "What happened?" she asked, trying to sound completely calm and in control. Had he carried her there? Had anyone seen?
"We received a request from Commander Ikari earlier today to go to his office. You had collapsed. We brought you here and ran some cursory tests. You were simply exhausted."
Asuka nodded absently. How much had been a dream and how much real? How many of her memories could she count on?
"You can go any time you'd like. Just get some sleep."
If she were to lean her head against his chest, would his heart sound the same? Would his arms around her feel the same? Would his hands look like that?
Asuka's stomach twisted. A dream. It was a dream. Just a dream, and it would be best to forget about it. Forget that feeling of security and just continue on with life.
"It's better this way," she told herself quietly, wanting desperately to believe it. "It's... not right. I need to...."
Yes, I can. The words came back to her.
Could she really have everything she wanted?
"Yes, I can."
"I'm sorry about yesterday, Sir." She wasn't sarcastic or simpering. Her voice was steady and even, just like her gaze.
"I have a meeting to attend. You are dismissed for the day," he told her as he stood and walked toward the door.
"Are you sure you don't need--"
"That is all, pilot."
Either Asuka was getting better or Commander Ikari was less annoyed. That hadn't been a reprimand or condescending. She wasn't quite sure how to respond to it.
"Thank you, Sir," she managed and quickly exited before him. She could feel him following behind her and unconsciously quickened her pace. At any moment, he could put his hand on her shoulder and pull her back.
All she had to do was shuffle to the right and he would plow right into her. Trying to get herself under control, Asuka felt him brush past, the bottom of his jacket delicately caressing her hand like an invitation.
By the time her little fantasy had run its course, he was far beyond her, walking away without a glance back. One day, she vowed to earn that glance.
Sitting in bed, Asuka wondered if maybe it was time to stop fighting. Maybe that was her only way to get some peaceful sleep. Just... accept the dreams, embarrassing as they were. After all, they were far from being nightmares; they were just... uncomfortable.
With a beleaguered sigh, she laid back, pulling the covers up to her chin, and closed her eyes. So what if she had a raunchy dream? What was wrong with that?
Not a thing. And if she told herself that enough times, she might actually believe it. There wasn't a thing wrong with that kind of dream anyway.
That kind of dream about the commander though.... Still nothing wrong; it was just... odd. And it really wasn't worth fighting any longer. Not at all.
She had crumpled, and he had stared. Not a muscle had moved in effort to help her. It didn't matter; he would have reacted the same under any circumstance. Just because she was the Second Child didn't mean she deserved special treatment from him.
No one received special treatment. That would be perceived as a weakness. If NERV personnel were continuously having their hands held, if they couldn't deal with a little adversity, they weren't wanted.
In fact, more than one person had been dismissed for that very thing: failing to meet his expectations. He'd done it personally and gotten great satisfaction from it.
But when it came to important personnel, there was no room for any worrying or emotional outbursts to cloud his judgment. There was still so much to be done, so far to go....
There was a soft knock on the door, interrupting his thoughts. "Enter, pilot."
The door opened, and his eyes followed the Second Child as she crossed the empty space to stand in front of his desk. Even though they were looking at each other, his glasses acted as a barrier between them. It was easiest to keep people at a distance that way.
Asuka looked at him, trying to see past the tinted lenses How much did he know? Maybe she had said something while she was unconscious. Maybe he knew about the dreams. Maybe he could see it in her eyes.
She lowered her gaze so he couldn't look directly into her eyes. "Just wondering if there's anything you...." She swallowed and felt ridiculous when the noise practically echoed throughout the office. Asuka licked her lips in an attempt to banish some of the dryness that possessed her mouth as she continued, "Anything you need...."
Gendo stared. He was caught utterly speechless. What did she think she was doing? It had to be his imagination. "Pilot," he said sternly, more to cover up his confusion than anything, "I have no use for you today. You are dismissed."
Anything to get her out of there.
"I really am sorry, Sir," Asuka said quietly, ignoring his words. "I didn't mean to pass out like that. I was just so tired...."
This didn't sound like the Second Child at all. And she didn't sound apologetic either. Again, it must have been tricks on his hearing.
"You... understand, don't you? I'm not in any trouble--"
"You are dismissed, pilot. Leave now," he ordered, knowing it was the only way to effectively get rid of her. Whatever she was doing was.... It was like she was....
"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Sir," Asuka said, then backed away from his desk.
There was something oddly familiar about the whole thing, but he couldn't be sure what. The tone of her voice, her choice of words, her body language.... What was wrong with him? Perhaps it was time for another checkup.
"I dreamt about you."
Gendo's eyes snapped on Asuka. Had she just.... Did she really.... Why was this bothering him so much? What the hell was going on?
Before he had a chance to say anything else to her, she was gone. For the first time he could ever remember, Gendo felt like he had been toyed with. She had gotten the better of him, and he hadn't done a thing.
She had seen his face. She hadn't seen his eyes, of course, but she had seen his face. The reaction there, however minor, was one to savor.
It was true. She really could have whatever she wanted. Asuka finally believed it. Something delicious wriggled in her, and she knew she could have that dream made reality. The dream she had finally surrendered to....
With a grin, Asuka hurried down the hallway.
"Everything's normal."
Gendo nodded, never giving away whether was pleased or not, whether he had expected that information or not. He walked away looking outwardly the same, but inside, he was considering all the psychological tests the Second Child could be given.
There was something obviously not right with her, and it was imperative to know if she would compromise his schedule. Everything then. The full battery of tests; if it threatened his plan, there was no precaution he could afford to overlook.
He would not allow her to stand in his way.
She would have liked to explain, but he had stopped her; he wasn't really interested in what she had to say. It wasn't because she was just a stupid child; she knew totally what she was talking about.
She had just wanted to explain and see his reaction, know what he was thinking. A thought she had often enough before, but had held a different meaning, came back to her. Why was he so hard to deal with? Why wouldn't he....
That was reserved strictly for her dreams though. Why wouldn't he open up? Because that just wasn't part of his personality. He would never do such a thing willingly, but that didn't mean she couldn't pry him open with her cunning.
He'd definitely be tough though, since Commander Ikari was the master of such things, but she was pretty darn good too. She could get people to react the way she wanted.
So with the commander that would just mean sticking to him a bit more closely. She need to exploit all the opportunities she got.
A sleepless night wasn't all that unusual for him. Over the previous eleven years, he had spent too many nights staring blankly at the television in his richly furnished apartment, not seeing or hearing the world news as it was reported.
In one hand, he would hold a glass of brandy, settling comfortably into his cycle of self-doubt and regret, interspersed with moments of hatred and near-obsessive planning. His other hand would rest in his lap, completely unmoving, as if it were no longer a part of him.
Infrequently, his lips would move, forming a name. Always this was followed by a moment of trembling, and then he would be still again.
This night was the same. Yet, amidst his cycling emotions was something new. Not unknown to him, but different than usual. Anger and a little confusion at Pilot Langley.
Anger at her flippant behavior and casual attitude toward the Project when it was the most important thing in the world to him. And confusion at just what she was trying to accomplish. This sudden change in her was one he didn't understand, and he wasn't sure he wanted to try.
She was, after all, only a girl, and children often shifted moods and attitudes abruptly for little reason. Except for Rei, but to expect her to be anything like other children her age was ludicrous.
A soft chirping from the other room roused him from his thoughts. He remained seated as he listened to the phone ring. It had to be something fairly important for someone to call at such a time of night.
It continued to ring.
If it was that important, they would send someone for him. He didn't need to answer it.
No answer. No surprise really. Fuyutsuki sighed. Why did he have to be the sub-commander? Why couldn't it have been someone else? He was tired of dealing with it all: the children, the EVAs, NERV, Ikari....
"Sir?"
"Continue to monitor, captain. Then we can at least form a more complete report."
"Yes, Sir." The young man turned crisply on his heel and went back to his station.
Not every blurb or glitch was worth reporting to Ikari anyway as he had two operating modes, neither easy to deal with: uncaring and ruthless.
The stressed sub-commander was not in the mood to deal with either one, and if Ikari wasn't going to answer the phone, then why get overly worked up over it? Because if he didn't....
It really wasn't fun to be the sub-commander.
Misato sat up in bed, eyes glued firmly shut. Her head was throbbing, she was too warm, and worst of all, her bladder was about to explode.
Forcing herself to her feet, hesitant to open her eyes lest she gain full alertness, Misato swore never to drink to excess. Again. One day, she figured she might try to follow through with it. Then again....
She exited her room quietly, making as little noise as possible. Shinji was a pretty sound sleeper, but sometimes Asuka would wake up at the slightest creak of the floor. And when the queen was awakened, she was an absolute nightmare.
The apartment was still and quiet though, indicating both children were deeply asleep. Too bad she couldn't say the same for herself though.
A quick emptying of her bladder and Misato was making her way back to her room and her bed. In the middle of the night with her head somewhere between drunkenness and hangover, there was nothing she liked better than pure si....
Was that a moan?
Wobbling down the hall to stand in front of Asuka's door, Misato listened. It sure had sounded like a moan; maybe it didn't need investigating, but if Asuka was sick....
There it was again, and it sure didn't sound like a moan of illness.
Misato opened the door as gently as she could and peeked inside. On one hand, she was dreading what possibilities awaited her, and on the other... she really dreaded it.
When she saw Asuka perfectly alone in her bed, Misato released a silent sigh of relief. It must have been just a dream then. Smiling softly at the form of her charge tangled in the sheets, Misato started to shut the door.
"Oh... mm...." Asuka mumbled as sensually as an asleep 14 year old could.
Misato just shook her head and wondered who the lucky boy was. If Asuka was as juvenile as she tried not to be, it was probably Shinji on her mind.
"Ohh," Asuka moaned and writhed around, "Commander...."
Misato's brain immediately turned to mush. She had to be hallucinating, just had to be. Quickly shutting the door, she hurried back to her own room. She tried desperately to get it out of her mind that Asuka had been dreaming about....
With a shudder, Misato got into bed and tried to get some sleep.
"Good morning!"
"Good morning, Asuka. Breakfast is almost ready."
"Excellent, Shinji." Asuka smoothed her dress out before she sat primly in one the chairs at the table. "And how are you, Misato?"
Misato could only stare.
"Hm? Is there something wrong, Misato?" Asuka asked with genuine concern.
Misato wasn't quite sure how to answer. There was definitely something wrong, but it wasn't with her. Of course, just knowing was enough to make her queasy. "I... suppose not," she answered quietly.
"Oh. Okay." The odd reaction from her guardian didn't phase Asuka at all. "When will that be done, Shinji? It smells heavenly."
Misato could only stare. That wasn't like Asuka at all. Whatever was going on, she didn't like it at all.
Asuka in a good mood was almost as dangerous as Asuka in a bad mood.
"Good morning, Sir! I had another dream about you."
Gendo deigned not to answer her.
"So... is there anything I should do?" she asked, lightly bouncing on her toes.
He glanced up at her, then looked back down. "No. You are dismissed."
"Aww. There's got to be something."
She didn't see the gentle crease form on his forehead, or the tiny frown. "No, you are excused, pilot," he said with more firmity in his voice.
"Are you sure? I'll just be sitting around all day otherwise."
The crease grew deeper, the frown larger. "Pilot, leave this office immediately."
"You're sure you don't need anything?"
Asuka took an involuntary step backward when he looked up at her. There was no mistaking the anger on his face.
"Pilot, we are having a failure to communicate here. I said leave. Do you understand?" Gendo didn't raise his voice, but the anger in it was loud and clear.
"Yes, Sir, but--"
"Pilot Langley...."
Asuka watched in dreadful curiosity. The commander seemed to be having trouble speaking, like he didn't know what to say.
"Leave or I will have security escort you out."
"But I just wanted...."
That was it. Gendo stood and marched over to Asuka. Without any words, he put one hand on her shoulder and turned her around.
"Sir, you're so forceful," Asuka commented as he pushed her toward the door. "You just need to ask...."
The grip tightened painfully for a moment, cutting off Asuka's words and making her squirm. "Sir...."
At the door, with Gendo ignoring the pain he was obviously causing, he leaned forward to grasp the handle.
Asuka tilted her head back and to the side as he leaned over her. She was pulled back against him as he opened the door, and her nose brushed against the high collar of his shirt as he stood upright. It was just enough for him to feel it.
He looked down at her, and to her eyes, he was startled by the relatively incidental contact. What better timing could she ask for? She just had to do it.
Not allowing herself to consider any consequences, she spun around, leaned her body against his, reached up and pulled his head down, all in one fluid motion.
And then she kissed him.
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End Part 4