Asuka's Project 5
She counted to twelve, the number of times her heart beat, before she let the kiss go. It hadn't been anything to speak of since she had been the only active participant, but there was something she just couldn't help but feel giddy about it.
"That was all I wanted, Sir. For now." Very carefully controlling her swirling feelings, trying to appear as if she knew what she was doing utterly, Asuka turned and left the office, just waiting for him to call out. Whether it was outrage or curiosity, or anything else, it would mean she had gotten to him. She had pierced his shell.
He didn't though. Asuka hadn't earned that look back yet. In time she was sure she would, but she had wanted it so badly right then. She had felt, as she pulled her lips from his, the gentle, maybe hesitant, or maybe automatic kiss, like he hadn't quite been willing to let it go.
Asuka sighed. Still, it could have gone better, but she wasn't going to discount what had happened. Of course, what he would do next was completely unknown to her. Maybe she should have considered the consequences after all.
What was done was done though; there was no going back, so she couldn't have any regrets. And it was kind of fun to think that he might have enjoyed it, if even for a moment.
Whistling quietly to herself, Asuka walked off into the depths of NERV.
Outrage. That was his first feeling. Outrage didn't manage to get a complete thought out before confusion took over. Gendo hated being confused. It was something he had tried to eliminate from his life before Second Impact.
Yet, here it had cropped up again, and all because of the Second Child and her... advances. Whatever was going on, she couldn't be at NERV as she was any longer, and she most certainly couldn't... help him with anything.
Back to school. That's where she'd go, and she wouldn't pull another stunt like that. If she did... there were going to be dire consequences.
Wiping his mouth on the back of his glove, Gendo returned to his chair. There were more important things to worry about.
"Something wrong, Ikari?"
Gendo wiped his mouth again. "Nothing."
Fuyutsuki nodded. He didn't really believe it, but there was no point in pursuing the matter any further.
For Gendo, there wasn't anything wrong per se, but he simply couldn't get rid of the fruity taste on his lips. Obviously the Second Child had been wearing something when she had... but it shouldn't have lasted for so long.
Outrage was beginning to take hold of him again, but it was tempered by the fact that he simply could not allow that girl to get to him like that. He couldn't allow it, couldn't lose control so easily. Not to a child, not to anyone.
Asuka had enjoyed her day at NERV, even if it had consisted mainly of sitting around and doing nothing. The morning had started out a bit shakily, but it had improved quickly. At least she thought so, and she hadn't been hunted down by security or requested back in the commander's office.
Though it wouldn't have been too bad really. She would just convince him that she was serious. At least he took her seriously, treated her like an adult. Not like Kaji. Kaji who only considered her a child when she was probably as mature as he was. Too bad he had missed his chance, and she had moved on.
Now all she had to do was form a solid plan of action. This was too delicate to play by ear, too entirely delicate. One wrong move could mean... very bad things.
This was cobra against mongoose, and the cobra's venom was no less deadly. She, however, could be just as tenacious and wily as a mongoose when it served her purposes.
The commander would never know what hit him.
Misato eyed Asuka as the three sat at the table for dinner. The girl seemed completely normal, even goign so far as to not yell at Shinji, which worried Misato more than anything. If Asuka was anything, it sure wasn't a normal girl. "So," she ventured hesitantly, "how was your day, Asuka?"
"Fine. Boring mostly."
"The commander didn't have anything for you to do?"
Misato wasn't sure whether that was a tiny smile on Asuka's face or not.
"Nope. Nothing to do. I'm sure he'll think of something eventually."
"I'm sure." Misato watched Asuka eat for another moment, then returned to her own food. There was definitely something churning in the pilot's mind, and Misato's instincts were warring. Protect the child, or stay the hell out of Commander Ikari's affairs.
Misato winced. That had been a bad choice of words.
"Is everything all right, Misato?" Shinji asked, catching the look on her face.
"It's fine, Shinji. Just... have some things on my mind tonight."
"Ah." Shinji continued eating, paying Asuka's oddly upbeat mood no mind at all.
"You're acting strangely, Ikari. Everyone can tell. If you don't want to say why, not that I expect you to, at least try to... to..."
"Get myself together? Is that it?"
"Yes. It's distracting the personnel to have you acting so oddly."
Gendo's lip quirked in amusement. "They believe I'm acting oddly... So they'd prefer to have me back to my usual behavior?"
"As odd as it may sound, and I thought it was pretty odd when I heard it, yes."
"Professor, have you ever considered the possibility that we're wasting our lives?"
Fuyutsuki stood frozen, his mouth hanging open.
"I've grown weary lately," Gendo continued. "I've begun to doubt the Project."
"But you... What about...?"
"I know it would mean abandoning her, but sometimes I wonder if that wouldn't be best. Let her rest the way she deserves; dismantle Unit 01 once and for all."
"Never!"
Gendo looked at Fuyutsuki slowly. "Of course not," he said quietly. "We've come too far."
"SEELE.... We know too much," Kozo added, very disturbed by Gendo's line of thought.
With a shrug, Gendo turned away from the sub-commander. "Idle thoughts. Nothing more."
"Those type of idle thoughts are best kept to yourself. The old men wouldn't be amused."
"Neither am I, Professor."
Asuka crawled into her bed with only one thing on her mind: getting a good night's sleep. It had been ever so much easier getting decent sleep since she had let her subconscious mind loose at night. It was still sort of weird sometimes, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle.
And she knew it took something special to... to... to be....
Before she could finish the thought, she was asleep.
Gendo looked at his too large bed almost apprehensively. His body demanded sleep, but his mind wanted wakefulness. To think, to consider, to plan, to hate....
For once, though, he wanted to sleep, to have a brief escape from the reality he had known for too long. And to escape from the silly girl who really had no idea what she was doing.
Doing... what she was doing...? Disturbing him. He still couldn't believe that she had kissed him. And he certainly couldn't fathom what she was trying to accomplish by doing so. What? What could it be?
Gendo dressed for bed with that question eating at him. Settling in for the few hours sleep he would get, with pale light shining through the window, he stared up at the ceiling. It was frightening, in an abstract way, to realize he used the bed so little, he recognized no features of the ceiling.
But then, what did he have to gain by staring at the ceiling? It served no purpose at all, and certainly did nothing to assist him with his goals. Would Yui like it? Would she like the apartment in its bare functionality?
Of course not, but... he couldn't bring himself to change it when she was not there to see it. There was little to motivate him without her, and so getting her back was his only motivation. Life was nothing but a cruel joke to be suffered with no control over it.
He was in a position to change that though. As long as the Second Child didn't distract him with her odd behaviors.
Asuka smoothed out her dress and took a deep breath before knocking on the door in front of her. She knew he wasn't happy; he never was, but she wanted that chance to explain still. She wanted the chance to try.
Gendo watched the Second Child as she approached his desk. Once this little meeting was over, he'd have one less thing to bother him. She appeared nervous too, which pleased him.
"Pilot, your daily presence is no longer required. You will return to school immediately." His voice betrayed no emotion, not that he felt much about the situation anyway.
"I'm not going back to school, and you can't make me, Sir." For emphasis Asuka crossed her arms.
Gendo stared. He had no idea what to do. Most measure he would use weren't acceptable because of her status as an effective pilot. "You will return to school," he repeated.
"And I told you I'm not."
"This is not a debate."
"You're right."
She was doing it to him again! "You are in a unique situation, pilot. You are aware that most punishments for insubordination are not practical in your case," Gendo said evenly, his voice unchanging.
Asuka smirked and nodded.
"However, you can be placed in a cell and removed only when you are deemed useful."
"Would you visit me?"
Gendo counted silently to three. "No." He hoped his annoyance wasn't audible in his voice. He didn't want her to see him lose control again.
"But why not? It'd be all dark and private."
That was the last straw. Gendo slammed his palms down on his desk. "You will remain quiet!" he thundered.
"But I was only--"
"You will not do this again! I will not tolerate these games!" He stood, but did not come out from behind his desk. "I have tolerated your past... behavior, but this has gone too far."
Asuka watched him, her face remaining impassive except for her lip twitching.
Gendo's eyes narrowed. If she smiled or grinned, she would be incarcerated without a second thought. "This is not a game. I will not tolerate this behavior any longer." He paused, still trying to think of an appropriate punishment.
"What's wrong, Commander? What did I do?" Asuka asked innocently.
"Your behavior is unacceptable."
"What behavior?"
Gendo's left hand clenched. "I will not play this game. This childish behavior is not amusing."
"Who's trying to be amusing?"
That was it. "Pilot," Gendo said through grit teeth.
"It wasn't that bad, was it? I know it wasn't great, but I tried my best. I was just doing the same thing that was in my dream."
With abrupt intensity, Gendo's head had begun to pound. "Get out," he whispered with undisguised weakness. "Get out of this office, get out of my sight."
"Don't you want to hear about my dream?"
"Second Child...."
"I thought you'd be flattered. Or is that beneath you? I may be young, but that doesn't mean I'm not mature."
Gendo stared. What was she saying, this child? What was she trying to do? He couldn't stand it any longer. "What are you trying to accomplish?" His arms, still barely supporting him as he leaned on the desk, felt like rubber.
Asuka smiled. "Just trying to get what I want."
With his stomach churning almost violently, Gendo stood up straight and walked out form behind his desk, past the Second Child, and out the door. He wasn't sure where he was going, but as long as it was away from her, then it was fine.
Asuka watched him go. That had been totally unexpected. She must have really gotten to him to make him just leave like that. He hadn't even gotten that upset. Was she losing her touch? Was that what had started the whole situation to begin with?
She was still thinking things over when Sub-commander Fuyutsuki appeared in the doorway. He looked at her and the otherwise empty office, frowning slightly before speaking. "Where's Commander Ikari?"
"He just walked out, didn't say where he was going." There wasn't anything better than confounding people with the truth.
The sub-commander narrowed his eyes, but didn't speak, before he disappeared as abruptly as he had appeared.
What must he be thinking? Asuka giggled. Really though, she should have gone after him, at least silently. Who knew what he was doing? He could have been calling security, or talking to Misato, or even worse, her father.
Going back to Germany was not an option.
Security. Call them and have them deal with her. He didn't trust himself any longer, and he'd just proven that he couldn't handle her. His hand was tucked firmly into his pocket to hide the fact that it was shaking, however slightly, and he couldn't stop it.
For a moment, he considered consulting Dr. Akagi, but dismissed the idea quickly. There wasn't anything she could help him with, other than to continue her work on the Project.
The realization struck him, and regret almost welled up from within. There was no one except those he needed for the Project. There were no actual people on the Project to turn to, only the tools he needed. The closest thing to an actual human being was his second-in-command, but they certainly weren't friends. There was too much between them for that to ever be a truth.
There was always Katsuragi. Not to speak to, but to inform her that she should keep a closer watch on the Second Child. The major had to be more firm with her discipline. Yes, put the pressure on Katsuragi and they would fall in line.
Yet that wouldn't be enough. It had to be more drastic, more personal. She had to know this wasn't a game. So far, nothing feasible had come to mind on how to do that while not jeopardizing her status. Eliminating a pilot would not be conducive to his scenario.
There was the idea of calling her father, but sending her back to Germany was out of the question, even if that was where he thought she belonged.
Gendo absolutely refused to believe the only thing he could do was take the antics of the little monster. He was the supreme commander of NERV; he should have been able to find someone to deal with her for him. Damn the angels and the necessity of 14 year-old pilots.
Asuka's heart was beating unusually fast. "What have you been doing?" Ritsuko asked as she marked on her clipboard.
"What do you mean?" the girl asked in reply, knowing that her heart rate was up and why.
"Your heart rate is up significantly. I'd almost say you ran down here, but I know you better than that." Ritsuko almost cracked a smile, but she couldn't quite shake the anger from... the incident. Asuka seemed to have dropped it though, and it was best to keep things as non-hostile as possible.
"I didn't run," Asuka said, maybe a bit too quickly.
"It's not a problem. Just a little odd for you." Ritsuko turned to prepare the various other implements to finish the exam. It was odd how erratic Asuka was acting. Certainly she was the least docile of the three children, but she was normally consistent in her imperiousness.
As she turned back around with thermometer in hand, Ritsuko got a look of Asuka with an odd facial expression. Her eyes were closed and her head was down slightly with her hair framing her face. There was a tiny smile touching the corners of her lips. She looked totally relaxed and at peace.
"Asuka?" Ritsuko said gently, and watched the girl's eyes open slowly. "I'm ready to continue."
The smile that had faded when the Second Child had opened her eyes returned. "Sorry about that. Guess I was daydreaming." She tossed her head, sending her hair cascading down her back; she offered her ear.
Finally, a tiny grin broke across Ritsuko's face. "This will only take a couple minutes."
Misato was sipping from a styrofoam cup of steaming coffee when Ritsuko entered. She looked tired, but not as weary as she usually did. Misato didn't say anything until her friend had filled her own mug with coffee and approached.
"Can I?" Ritsuko motioned at the table.
"Go ahead. You're looking not as dead as usual today."
With a tired smile, Ritsuko nodded. "Thanks."
"Good day?"
"Not really. Just... weird, I suppose."
Misato nodded. It was certainly something she could empathise with.
Ritsuko took a drink from her mug and released a grateful sigh. "That hits the spot."
Again, Misato nodded, then took a drink form her own cup. Rare peace and quiet around NERV; sometimes she just wanted to bury herself in the silence.
"Strange though, when I was giving Asuka her exam, she was acting... different."
Misato lifted her head and looked curiously across the table. "Different?"
"Yeah. She practically fell asleep; said she was daydreaming. When has that girl ever daydreamed?" Ritsuko shook her head, an ironic grin on her face.
"I don't know about daydreams..." Misato mumbled.
"What?"
"Nothing. I've been noticing her acting weird lately too. That's all."
"I suppose when you're young, it's perfectly acceptable to act strangely without question. Ah, to be young again."
"Hey! I'm not that old!"
"Hi, Kaji!" Asuka almost squealed, trying to sound like she was actually happy to see him. As long as he believed that, he wouldn't suspect anything out of the ordinary. She grabbed his arm tightly so he'd give in faster to her demands, though he'd assume he was doing her a favor.
"Hey there, Asuka," he answered cheerily, wearing that same grin he always did when he dealt with her.
Asuka had to stop herself from snarling at him. How fake and insincere could he get? "Can you do me a favor?" she asked sweetly instead.
"Sure, Asuka. What is it?" He was still walking, paying as little attention to her as he could.
"Could you tell me where Commander Ikari lives?"
"And why would you want to know that? I don't think he'd appreciate whatever you're planning on doing with that information."
"Please, Kaji?" She gave him her best pleading and pathetic look. He always gave in to it.
He stopped and looked down at her. "I'll find out. He deserves whatever you're going to do anyway, just don't tell anyone where you found out."
Asuka nodded solemnly. "I promise, I won't."
"That's a good girl. I'll see you around." He pulled free of her grasp and walked away.
"Dummkopf."
"I thought you were going to miss the meeting."
"As much as I would prefer to, no."
Fuyutsuki nodded. That was more like the Gendo Ikari he was used to. "The Second Child told me you left your office--"
"What else did she tell you?"
Kozo blinked. "Nothing. It was still strange though."
Gendo replied with a nod, but no words.
"There is something very odd with you, Ikari, though I won't pretend to know what."
"I'm not quite sure either, Professor."
"That's a change."
"Keep it to yourself."
With a wry smile directed straight down the hallway they were traversing, Kozo nodded.
It was late at night, and Misato was just staring at the ceiling. She wanted to be asleep, but it was just out of her reach. She knew why, but didn't like it at all. Whatever Asuka was dreaming of was nobody's business, but that horrified curiosity wouldn't leave her alone.
With a muted growl, Misato kicked off the covers and tip-toed out of her room. There was silence from Shinji's room as was the norm. Giving the door an approving nod first, she moved to listen at Asuka's door. She leaned her ear against the door and waited.
Silence. No moaning, no snoring, nothing. Swearing silently to herself, Misato opened the door and peered inside. She was disappointed to find Asuka curled up and sleeping soundly.
Maybe it had been an isolated incident. Probably. Just one of those weird things, like the time she had had that dream about Ritsuko and some banana pudding. That didn't mean she was in love with Ritsuko or anything, so Asuka probably didn't have a thing for Commander Ikari.
After closing the door, Misato went back to her room. She hadn't discovered what she had been expecting to find, happily, but her curiosity was satiated. Finally, she could get some sleep.
Gendo swirled his glass of brandy, watching the liquid cling desperately to the sides of the glass. It was an appropriate visualization of the situation they were all in. However, he had a much easier time breaking the glass and letting its contents loose than breaking the glass of reality he was in.
For a brief moment, his arm tensed in preparation to hurl the glass against one blank wall, but he held himself back at the last moment. He began swirling the alcohol around again.
He stared into it, hypnotized by the miniature whirlpool and the light reflecting off of it. Then he closed his eyes and tried to picture her face. Her image was growing fainter, becoming more and more of a blurred ideal than the visage of his wife.
The solemn vow he had made each time before this was repeated. And he knew it would be repeated time and again after.
Before that picture faded completely, he would achieve his goal. Before he could forget what she really looked like, she would be with him once more. And then they would never be apart.
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End Part 5