Worlds of Blue and White
Part Two: With Hands Clasped
Chapter 7: The Sorcerer
Allen was roused from a delicate sleep by a Fanelian soldier. "Allen-sama, you've been sent for," he said in the least obtrusive fashion he could manage. "The man from Balsm is here."
"Give me only a moment." He leapt out of bed and set instantly upon his dressing while the soldier waited. As he'd said he was soon well enough prepared: his black slacks, white shirt, and sword at his hip. The urgency in this meeting preempted any other thoughts on his appearance. The soldier led him to a small drawing room in the castle's interior, and then took up a position at the door.
Allen swiftly entered, and was met by Merle. She was seated calmly in an oversized chair near the wall. Their guest was seated at the room's only table; he was sipping calmly from a cup of tea, and a small meal lay before him. The knight crossed toward him with quick strides. "I assume you are the sorcerer," he stated.
"Kolaf Driffth," the man introduced himself pleasantly, popping a small piece of fruit into his mouth. He was quite different than what Allen had envisioned: a man of average height with a slight build, with a handsome face and thick, chestnut hair. His clothing was also far different than the long black cloaks Allen remembered. Kolaf was dressed in brown trousers, a white silk shirt and a buttoned down vest; a perfectly respectable-appearing citizen.
"I see you were expecting something more impressive," Kolaf remarked, brushing some food particle off his mustache. "I'm no longer a sorcerer, Allen Shezar. I've devoted my knowledge to the medical arts."
Allen nodded, taking a seat across from him at the table. "Thank you for responding so quickly, Dr. Driffth. I know how difficult it is to travel during these times."
Kolaf nodded in full agreement. "Yes, yes, of course. To be quite honest with you, I've been looking for some of our old subjects. When I heard that one was here, I was very pleased." He paused to drain his cup of tea. "Fanelia's cuisine is delicious, don't you think?"
"Quite," the knight replied tightly. Already he was frowning at the choice of the word "subject." "But I'm afraid she's no longer here."
"She?" He hummed thoughtfully. "I got the impression from King Van's letter that this matter was urgent."
Yes--yes, I know. Allen shifted restlessly; what he hoped to accomplish he didn't know, only that this chatter wasn't helping. "It is. I don't think Van told you, but we're talking about my sister, Celena Shezar." The doctor regarded him blankly until he added, "Dilandau Albatou, the Dragonslayer captain."
Kolaf's fork clattered on his plate, and he sat back in his chair. "Dilandau Albatou," he repeated reverently. His gaze had grown distant, as if viewing some charming memory. "My God, I'd heard he'd been killed in the last battle in the Gaean War." He focused abruptly. "You said it was your sister? So, he's reverted?"
"Three years ago," Allen explained briskly. Finally, getting somewhere. "She's been normal for three years--until a few days ago. She transformed back into Dilandau, and then into Celena soon afterwards. Since then she's gone missing."
Kolaf frowned, trying to work out the story in his mind. "So three years ago Dilandau became Celena. Several days ago she became him, then he became her, and ran off."
"Yes, something like that."
"And what exactly do you need my help for?"
Allen started to speak, then stopped, as he didn't know what he'd intended to say. With Celena gone, what good could this man do? Was it foolish to believe he'd be able to help her even if she was there? After all, he was no longer a sorcerer.
"Dr. Driffth." Merle took a seat next to Allen and folded her hands in her lap. She sat very straight: he imagined that it was a posture taught to her with some difficulty. "We want to keep Celena from becoming Dilandau again--she doesn't want to hurt people, and we want to help. Can't you undo what was done?"
Allen bit his lip and looked hopefully to their guest. Kolaf was staring at the table fixedly with a grim expression. The younger man's heart sank. There must be a way to help her. Please, let there be a way.
Kolaf sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you want. No, what was done cannot be undone." He pushed his plate aside. "The procedure simply wasn't meant to be reversed. Even using the original equipment--which may no longer exist--there's no guarantee you'd end up with your sister's original personality. Helping her make it worse."
The knight shook his head in denial; the memory of Dilandau's fight with Van was enough to prove that anything was better than allowing the former Dragonslayer to go free. "Why? What in God's name did you do to her?"
"It's a long explanation," he warned, "but I did come prepared to give it."
Allen nodded, as did his feline comrade. Though he knew her motives were focused on Van's safety rather than Celena's, but he appreciated her support. "Yes, tell us everything. If anything, I need to understand what's happened to her."
Kolaf frowned, obviously not looking forward to tell the story, prepared or not. "It will be difficult for you to hear. The details aren't pleasant."
"I don't care."
"Didn't think you would. But I wanted to warn you." Kolaf sat up in his chair and folded his hands on the table. "All right--from the beginning." He cleared his throat. "I feel I should start by saying that we didn't target your sister outright. When the experiments began we needed subjects, and children seemed more easily adopted. Any that fit our requirements were taken--in most cases we didn't bother to check their background. Folma--my superior--didn't even know her name until she told us herself."
Merle stirred, as if restraining some accusing remark. I know, Merle, Allen thought bitterly. "Yes, I understand. Go on."
"Anyway, when Dornkirk completed the destiny indicator nearly two decades ago, the first thing he predicted was his own demise," Kolaf continued. "Us Sorcerers were charged with the task of creating a way to avoid this fate. At first we attempted to defy fate all together, by altering it with sorcery. When this failed we turned to human subjects. With magic and science, one person's fate is easy to change."
"So you changed Celena's destiny?" Merle questioned.
Allen answered for their guest. "If it was Hitomi's destiny to bring down Dornkirk and Dilandau's destiny to save him, the two would collide, creating the possibility that Hitomi would fail. Is that right?"
Kolaf regarded his host appreciatively. "Your reasoning is correct--we came to the same conclusion. However, none of our tests were successful. There were too many outside forces surrounding the Emperor. Eventually we narrowed it down to a single threat: the Dragon Clan."
"Dragon Clan?" Allen frowned. Though he'd always known Dornkirk was after Escaflowne, he didn't know Zaibach had considered Van himself such a threat. "Why Van?"
"Because it was the Dragon's destiny to bring about our destruction. Him and the girl from the Phantom Moon. Though it was ultimately Folken who killed Dornkirk, or so I heard." There was a glint of deep anger in the man's bright eyes, one that spoke of betrayal. He shook it off quickly. "I any case, Dilandau was out best chance of counter-acting the Dragon Clan."
No wonder Dilandau hated Van so much. It was his destiny to kill him. "So Dilandau almost instinctually hated Van," he surmised.
"Yes, it could be said that way," the former sorcerer confirmed. "We referred to the phenomenon as Fate Nature. If a person's destiny is strong enough, they will act in a fashion exemplifying that destiny. Which is why the procedure cannot be reversed. We didn't give Celena a new destiny; we changed her original one. And since no one knows Celena's original destiny, we have no way of restoring it."
Allen rubbed his eyes wearily. "This can't be true," he murmured within a sigh. He didn't want to believe what he was hearing. The little girl he'd so adored was gone forever--could she never be that innocent again? Had the past three years, so peaceful for them, been nothing but a lie?
"Wait a minute," Merle objected. "If that's true, then how did she become Celena again? She hasn't tried to kill Van-sama in years."
"That's right," the knight said hopefully. "The destiny you're talking about is Dilandau's. Celena must still exist for her to be here. Isn't that right?"
Kolaf frowned thoughtfully--it was an expression Allen was beginning to hate. "Not necessarily. Dilandau and Celena are the same person, after all. And you said that she became Dilandau some days ago, which means that our original destiny is still intact."
"Are there dragons down there?" Allen started as Celena' voice drifted through his mind. "Won't you teach me to fight, Brother? Can't I pilot a guymelef?
"I can't wait to see Van-sama again."
He shuddered. "He's right," he murmured aloud, sick with the realization. "All along…even thought she didn't know…couldn't have known…." He pounded his fist in the table. "Damnit, if I'd only told her sooner…."
Kolaf observed the knight's outburst with the same calm, damnable expression. "Allen," he prodded quietly. "Allen," he prodded quietly. "Allen, listen to me. Celena will never be the way she was as a child. But she can be the weary she was after the war, for three years." He hesitated a moment. "There's something you should know. About Dilandau."
Allen gradually pulled himself together. Celena would need his help once Van returned her, and in order to do that he would to understand everything. "Yes, go on." He breathed deeply to calm himself. "I'm listening."
"It's just, you seem to be under a false impression." Kolaf unbuttoned his cuff links, as if settling in to tell a long story. "Dilandau and Celena are not separate people. They do not turn into each other. They are simply facets of a single personality."
"But one's a boy," Merle objected, "and one's a girl."
"I knew you'd say that. But you must think of Celena as having one mind and two bodies." The doctor rummaged through one of his travel packs, removing a book of blank paper and a drawing pencil. He drew two circles, labeled "Dilandau" and "Celena." He connected them with a straight line and encompassed both in a larger circle. "Both are part of the same mind. The name Dilandau simply refers to Celena's Fate Nature--remember? The desire to kill Dragons lays on top of Celena's personality, creating what you know of as Dilandau."
"That doesn't explain why it's a boy," Merle muttered.
Kolaf smiled grimly. "Patience." He drew a male and female sign, connecting the former to Dilandau, the latter to Celena. "The male body, Dilandau's, was created through sorcery, and is triggered by Dilandau's personality. When Dilandau's personality fails, so does the body. Likewise, the female body is connected directly to Celena."
Allen growled in frustration. "This is all terrible confusing."
"Think of Dilandau as a screen that lays over Celena," the man suggested. "What we see changes, but Celena is till in place as an anchor. Dilandau cannot exist without this. Likewise, Celena has been as a screen over Dilandau. She cannot exist without him acting as anchor. They are inseparable."
Merle considered this and held up her hands. She pressed the palms together, so that the fingers on one hand could be seen in the spaces of the other hand's fingers. "Like this? And when she changes, it just switches which one we see better." She flipped her hands to demonstrate.
"Yes. That's very clever of you." Kolaf smiled in appreciation of her example. "Our ultimate goal was to merge the two completely, but it never worked. There was always some problem."
"I understand that much," Allen spoke up. "But I don't see how Dilandau resembles my sister at all."
"It's all very logical, actually," the elder contradicted. "Before he was scarred, Dilandau was a capable leader--ruthless, yes, but every one of his men were fiercely loyal to him. He was intelligent, skilled, and absolutely devoted to Dornkirk--traits most likely inherited through Shezar blood."
Kolaf hesitated once more, pursing his lips as he considered the look of disapproval on his company's face. "If I may be so bold, let me say this: part of the destiny we programmed also required strength. Celena was at a very young age when her operation took place. At that time, you were the only model for strength she had."
Allen flinched, glaring at the man. "What are you saying?" he asked in a threatening tone.
"Nothing accusatory. Simply that Celena's only perception of strength at that time was a tall, handsome blond boy."
He didn't know how to respond to that, so he stayed silent, pondering. Dilandau was modeled…after me? But that's…. He shook his head to clear his mind. "All right, I won't argue. But please, won't you tell me what you meant before? About how we can help Celena."
Kolaf nodded whole-heartedly. "Of course, of course. The first thing must be to tell her everything--absolutely everything, no matter how painful you think it might be. It'd be best coming from you, but I can help, if you wish.
"She already knows," Allen murmured, sighing deeply. He'd acquired a sizable headache after the course of the discussion, and he was exhausted from lack of sleep. "She knows about Dilandau, and the Dragonslayers, and Van."
"You're sure?"
"Yes." He recalled the still, almost listless expression in Celena's eyes and in her tone when she admitted her knowledge. That silent understanding had truly frightened him. "Recently."
"You told her?" Kolaf asked curiously. His expression clearly indicated that he hadn't thought the man capable.
Slightly insulted by the doctor's presumption, Allen replied, "No. Once she reverted to Celena several days ago, she had suddenly reclaimed her memory."
The former Sorcerer straightened in his chair. Though Allen was glad to see his face change, the look of surprise gave him a feeling of dread. "What?" he demanded.
"Nothing," Kolaf said distractedly. "It's just, I didn't think it was possible for Celena to gain Dilandau's memories on her own, and visa versa. Obviously we didn't want Dilandau to remember his life as Celena, so a memory block was placed. The two personalities shouldn't be able to speak to each other directly."
"So what does that mean?" asked Merle. "Did she get rid of the block thingy?"
"Maybe." He stroked his chin thoughtfully, then abruptly straightened. "Well, there's no telling until I'm able to speak to her, but I'm fairly positive that what you've told me is a good sign."
Allen shifted uncomfortably--there was something in the Sorcerer's mind that he wasn't sharing, and that concerned him. "Van's handling it right now. I trust him."
"Van is? The Dragon?" For the first time during their long dialogue, Kolaf looked genuinely troubled. "You have to call him back."
"Why?" demanded Merle. "Don't you trust Van-sama?"
"You have to separate them immediately," Kolaf insisted, rising slowly to his feet. His eyes shown with worry. "If you don't, one of them will die. If the barrier between Celena and Dilandau has worn down, there's no telling what she'll be capable of. If you want to save your sister, it's imperative that you keep her away from Van until she's been treated."
Allen also stood from his chair. "You believe they've merged, don't you?"
The man recoiled slightly. "I…suspect, yes. It's never been successful before, so I can't predict the outcome. But I'm telling you--" he placed his palms on the table surface for emphasis "--Celena and Van must be separated."
"But how?" Merle looked to both men hopefully. "How can we help Van-sama?"
Allen pursed his lips, his mind reeling through his memories of Hitomi's Phantom Moon. Without Hitomi, without Van, without the pendant, without Escaflowne--
"Merle, where is Escaflowne?"
Fanelia's Shrine was brightly lit and filled with half a dozen uniformed guards. They were scattered around the impressive figure of Ispano's guymelef Escaflowne, which knelt with the dignity of a reverent emperor within the great hall. Moonlight slid lazily over its ancient metal surface. Allen gazed up at the machine with respect, as he always had. He strode to the slumbering beast with purposeful strides.
Kolaf followed, his expression an indefinable mix of awe and resentment. Merle assured the guards that all was well, and that Van would soon return to put the Dragon to sleep once more. They watched Allen carefully as he approached their master's possession.
Allen touched the cool metal of Escaflowne's shin, his eyes unfocused, lips tightly pressed. "Van," he murmured, concentrating with as much focus as he knew how. "Van, here me."
He received no response, save the curious stares from the guards. Ignoring them, he began to climb onto the armors knee. Below, Merle did her best to pacify the onlookers. The knight continued, until he was facing the shining magenta jewel that served as Escaflowne's heart. He reached his hand forward; the crystal began to glow an eerie warning, and electric heat skimmed his fingers. "Van, please hear me." With a deep breath he touched it.
The reaction was immediate: a pain like lightening shot through Allen's body, and a powerful, silent force repelled him. He fell backwards and almost toppled from Escaflowne's bent knee. The jewel then darkened once more.
"Allen?" Kolaf called from below. "Are you all right?"
"Somewhat." Allen lifted his right hand, which had grown numb. To his relief, the feeling gradually returned to the limb. He worked his fingers to be sure of their well being before returning to his task. I should have known Escaflowne would reject me. He leapt gracefully to the temple floor once more.
"Well?" Merle questioned. "What happened?"
Allen didn't respond. Instead he stepped forward abruptly and sharply kicked Escaflowne's foot. The boot ran with a percussive thud throughout the temple.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the lead guard objected angrily.
"Van!" Allen struck the armor again, harder. "Van, hear me!" he shouted, paying no attention to the commotion he was causing. He continued to beat on the metal. "You have to come back! Bring my sister back!"
Van started from a sound sleep when a sharp pain shot through his foot. He sat up and groggily rubbed his eyes. I was having a good dream, too, he thought grumpily. He inspected the offending limb and frowned. Huh. What the hell's going on?
The top of his foot began to sting once more, and he frowned, massaging it gently. I must have slept on it wrong. Suddenly he paused. His foot didn't hurt from the outside, but rather, the inside. That can only mean Escaflowne's been attacked. Instinctively he pressed his hand to his chest. What's gong on? There should be guards.
His mind was alerted then to a faint tug, like the hand of a child on his brain. It was the same feeling he got when "speaking" to Hitomi, when he was still on Gaea. Of course--someone's trying to contact me. He clasped his pendant to his chest and closed his eyes. But who? Merle? Allen?
]
-Van- The response was too forceful to be his faithful feline companion. Come back.
"Allen? What's wrong?" Van spoke aloud without realizing.
-Come back. Sorcerer here-
The Sorcerer from Balsm. They must have found something out. "I can't. Not yet."
Allen's mind grew frantic with a collage of anxious emotions and jumbled images. Van recoiled--he was inexperienced in "speaking" to Allen this way, and he couldn't make sense of the message. "Allen, calm down. I don't understand."
-Come back. Stay away from Celena. Danger-
"Not until I can bring her back with me," the king insisted. "If I leave now, Hitomi will be in danger. Celena came here to get to her."
Allen fell silent, somewhat humbled by this declaration. Van waited patiently for his response. The knight finally rejoined with a firm, clear prayer.
-Please hurry-
Van sighed. "All right. I'll do my best, Allen. Trust me."
Allen released his breath and briefly closed his eyes. He didn't realize that he was tottering until Kolaf took his elbow to steady him. "I'm all right," the younger assured. "I'm just not used to this kind of communication, that's all. Van heard me."
"Is he coming back?" Merle demanded briskly. "What did he say? What's happening?"
"He's not coming back yet," he replied softly. "He's fine, but it seems that Celena has been targeting Hitomi. Until he can find her, he won't come back."
Merle's spirit instantly dropped, as did her tail. She looked dejectedly to Escaflowne. "Van-sama…."
"Don't worry, Merle." Allen raised his gaze as well. "Van will surly find her. He'll be fine."
Worlds of Blue and White
Part Two: With Hands Clasped
Chapter 8: In Motion
When Hitomi awoke the next morning she dressed in record time. She had never felt so full of energy. Because she knew that when she descended from the second floor, Van would be there. He would be smiling, and he would grant her the kiss he'd promised. He would tell her he loved her.
She took the stairs two at a time and bounded into the kitchen where Van would be. As she'd hoped he was there, pouring himself a glass of water. Upon spotting her he set the cup aside and welcomed her with a tight embrace and an affectionate kiss. "Good morning, Hitomi," he murmured thickly in her ear.
Two out of three isn't bad. "Good morning." She returned his kiss, delighting in the return of her feelings from the night before. Then she merely held him, grateful for his warmth surrounding her. She never wanted to leave that place close to his heart; she felt whole.
When Tatsumi could be heard coming down the stairs they finally separated. Van stayed close to her, much to her approval, with a hand either on her shoulder or back. She leaned against his steady presence, and stole a kiss from his lips when Tatsumi wasn't looking. This surprised him---and her. Having him here was making her bold.
Van set out soon after Hitomi had left for school. It's not good enough to sit and wait, he thought deftly. Allen knows something I don't. I have to get Celena back to him, so he can help her.
But going back means leaving Earth, another part of him reasoned. I…don't want to leave Hitomi. He frowned at himself. I've been selfish. Waiting for Jovey to heal was my excuse to stay here longer. This world is strange but it's her world. Can I leave it, and her? When we've finally found some peace? He sighed, murmuring, "There won't be peace until Celena is home. I…have to do this. For both of them."
Van reached the hospital after a bit of uncertainty with the direction. He made his way swiftly to Jovey's floor and found the room--he'd insisted the day before that Hitomi explain the man's whereabouts to him. Thankfully, he came across the doctor that who was Hitomi's friend along the way. The man reassured the guard at Jovey's room and showed Van inside.
Jovey was awake, though from the look of him one might have suspected him dead. His skin was nearly white, and his eyes were cold and empty. In them Van had always seen a fierce flow, but not now. His listless gaze had never seemed so dull. Van felt a sudden outpouring of pity for this man, and he approached swiftly to his side. He sank into a nearby chair. "Jovey."
The youth did not respond, save to blink slowly. Van licked his lips and went on anyway. "Jovey, I know you can hear me. I need to deliver a message to Celena, and you're the only one that can help me."
"Go away," the former Dragonslayer muttered.
At least he's listening. "I want to help her," Van continued. "I know you do, too. I promised Allen that I'd bring her back to him." He paused only briefly. "But in all honestly, I don't know if it can be done. And if she tries to harm Hitomi again, I'll kill her."
Jovey flinched. "I know."
"I don't want to have to do that. So I want to settle our fight with just the two of us. I'll be waiting for her tomorrow near the Alseides. If you don't see her before then, I'll also be there the day after. Every day, at noon."
"She isn't coming back here," Jovey told him softly.
Van frowned. Something had happened, and he needed to know what it was. "Why do you think so?"
Not once did he shift his gaze from the ceiling. "She's waiting until I've recovered. Then, I'll find her. I know where."
"Why? Why does she care if you've recovered or not?"
Jovey's face twisted slowly into a pained expression. "I honestly don't know anymore," he said in a kind of hoarse, timid whisper. "I don't know, Van. I'm not good to her." He stopped speaking, and Van remained silent also, in respect for whatever had transpired between the two. After a moment the youth began again. "Allen Shezar was right, wasn't he? Dilandau Albatou was always a lie."
At last Van understood. Jovey had finally accepted the truth; his master had been nothing but a shadow, a mask. Everything he'd once believed in had been cruelly shattered. The king licked his lips and quietly replied, "Yes, Jovey. Allen was right."
He could see that Jovey was trembling. "The Sorcerers used us. Dilandau-sama hated the Sorcerers, but they were the ones that created him." Jovey closed his eyes tightly as if battling with some ancient memory. "Go away," he said at last. "Go away or just kill me. I don't have anything to do with Celena Shezar."
Van debated momentarily with himself. "I'll leave," he said, "but I need you to do me a favor. You owe me." A scowl twisted Jovey's face, but he went on before being interrupted. "I spared your life, even knowing you could kill my someday. I gave you the chance to make your Alseides, even knowing you'd use it against me. All I as in return is that you stay here for three more days."
Jovey opened his eyes slowly, meeting Van's gaze for the first time. "What are you going to do?"
I can't lie to him. He's had enough. "There's a Sorcerer in Fanelia who might be able to help Celena. Understanding what was done to her is the only way to get her back. I'm going home, to listen to him, but I'll come back. In three days leave here and find Alseides. I'll be there, and I'll probably need your help."
"I won't hurt her," he said immediately.
Van nodded grimly. He still holds that loyalty. "I wouldn't ask you to. But you might be able to save her sanity."
Jovey turned his head away, and inhaled deeply. "Alright. In three days."
"Will you be all right by then?"
"Well enough."
"Good. Thank you, Jovey." Van stood, knowing better than to stay past his welcome. Without another word he exited the room, and assured the waiting doctor with a nod. He swiftly left the hospital. Now, I just have to tell Hitomi.
"Hitomi, what is up with you today?" Marko demanded on their way home from school. "You've been acting really weird."
"Yeah," Yukari agreed. "Are you on drugs, sugar, or Van?"
Hitomi stumbled in her gait at the abrupt comment. "Yukari," she hissed in exasperation as her face flushed red.
"Of so it was the last," Mariko snickered.
Hitomi turned her nose up. "And so what? Is it so unusual for someone to be distracted by a guy?"
"For you it is," they replied simultaneously.
"Geez! Do you have to be right all the time?" She flashed them both a bright smile. "Well? Is that so bad?"
Yukari rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "You put down a couple rumors, at least. How far did you two go?"
The brown-haired girl nearly toppled once more. "You're so nosey!"
"How far, how far?" Mariko insisted excitedly.
"Alright already! We just…well, made out a little, I guess."
Her friends frowned in disappointment, until Yukari remarked, "You can't make out a little. Guys can't, anyway."
"And I'll tell Amano-sempai that you said that," Hitomi retorted. "Come on." She broke into a run. "I'll beat you home!"
"Hey!" Both girls groaned and started after her.
--
They reached Yukari's home first. After making Hitomi promise to call her later and discuss details, she allowed them to go on. Hitomi bid farewell to Mariko at her door with a rush, tying-not-to-look-rushed manner and then dashed inside. Van was waiting on the couch in front of the television. Hitomi quickly dropped her things and joined him. "Van."
Van glanced up and smiled brightly, welcoming her under his arm. She accepted, blushing. "Welcome back," he greeted. "I've been trying to make sense of this." He indicated the news station he'd been watching. "Your world is huge, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I guess it is." Hitomi wriggled closer. She didn't care about the rest of the world right now--she was only concerned about staying here. "Were you bored today?"
"No. I helped with some chores, and went out for a bit." His hand tightened briefly on her shoulder. Though the gesture should have been comforting, she could feel the tinges of strain in his fingers. Her anxiety heightened when in a serious tone he declared, "We have to talk."
Hitomi withdrew so that she could look him in the face. He seemed remorseful but firm, as if having come to an unwanted conclusion. "What is it?"
Van visually rallied his courage. "I'm going back to Gaea," he said, fulfilling her premonition.
She didn't speak at first. Her mind and heart were reeling, and a thousand questions rang inside her at once. She could make any of them heard.
"I'll be back in three days," he went on, and she sighed thankfully. "There's a Sorcerer with Allen now who can explain what happened to Celena, and I need to get myself a sword, anyway. I'll be back as soon a I'm sure everything there is all right."
"What about Celena?" she asked with concern. "While you're gone, she might--"
"It's been taken care of. Jovey will make sure." Van paused, and licked his lips as a shadow of indecision passed over his face. "You'll be fine, Hitomi. But then, when I come back, I'll fight Celena. And then…." He forced the words through with some effort. She'd seen then hiding with in his mouth a moment before, but to hear them still caused her body to jolt. "…I'll go home to Fanelia. For good."
Hitomi's breath caught in her lungs as she stared at him. Though what he'd said was the obvious outcome, it had never occurred to her that Van would be gone. Seeing him that morning had felt right, as she'd always awoken to his smile and always would. It didn't make sense that he would leave.
"Why?" It was a stupid, obvious question, but she couldn't stop her lips. "Can't you stay?"
"I have a kingdom, Hitomi." His voice was filled with regret. "You know I'd stay if I could, but I can't abandon my people. You know that."
"Yes, but…." She bit her lip, and fidgeted uncertainly. "But…but I don't want you to go."
Van returned her gaze with a look of pain. "I'm sorry," was all he could say.
No.. No, he can't. Hitomi felt her insides curling, revealing that cold dark pit that rested within her. It was a place of sorrow and regret and loneliness--the last most of all. She'd suffered from that hole three long years, even if she hadn't realized at the time. She didn't want to feel that way again.
"No. No, you can't go." Hitomi stood, her bottom lip trembling. "What about last night? Wasn't that…?"
Van also stood, facing her. His hands took her shoulders. "Come with me."
The words barely penetrated her brain. "What?"
"Come with me," he repeated urgently. "Can't you? I can't leave Fanelia, but you can--"
"No." Hitomi started at the force in her own words. She stepped back, loosening his hands from her. "What are you saying? Stay on Gaea forever?"
"Why not?"
The front door opened suddenly, and Hitomi spun around. Tatsumi had entered and was placing his shoes by the step. He glanced at Hitomi and Van suspiciously. "You two look cozy."
Hitomi wasn't strong enough to insult him just then. Instead she turned and headed for the stairs. She could already feel her eyes watering as she bolted to the second floor. Van, you can't ask that. It's not fair.
Someone was coming up the stairs behind her. She escaped to her room, hoping he wouldn't' follow but knowing he would. She sat down on the bed as the door closed behind them. "It's not fair," she blurted out, though she could not bear to lift her head.
"I know," Van replied in a slighter higher tone. "But--but if you think I can just go home and forget everything--"
"I can't do that either!" Hitomi glared at him. The tears leaked past her defenses; she did not try to stop them. She didn't know what she was doing, or what she wanted Van to do or feel, but she kept talking. "I was stupid to think that I could just go home and keep living. We had something and I ruined it."
Van took a seat beside her. He reached, tentative and unsure, to wipe her tears away. "No you didn't," he murmured.
"Yes, I did." She gently urged his hands away. "Van I belong in this world. It's my home--I can't just leave my family, my friends."
"I know." He was having difficulty in making the words audible. "But Hitomi…I love you." She shuddered and tried to draw away, but he wouldn't let her. "I don't think I'll ever love anyone else."
Don't say that. Hitomi wrapped her arms around his neck and began to cry, unable to control herself any longer. Don't talk for both of us. It's not fair.
Van pulled her into his lap, cradling her tenderly against his chest. Somehow he must have heard her silent plea; he said nothing more. He only held her until her eyes ran dry.
When Hitomi had run out of tears she only held him tighter. "I'm scared," she whispered.
"Me too." It was odd, hearing those words; he'd never admitted a weakness to her. "But whatever happens, I won't forget what you mean to me, Hitomi."
She nodded, then slowly uncoiled herself from him. "You'd better go," she said quietly. "Allen must be worried." She faced him directly. "Go on. I'll be okay. Celena's more important right now."
Van looked as though he might contradict, then decided against it. His eyes had grown dull and rueful, and she nearly began crying again at the sight of them. "All right." He eased her out of his lap and stood. There he paused, if only to stare at her a moment more. He licked his lips unconsciously. After a bit of indecision he bent down and kissed her briefly. "Take care, Hitomi. I'll see you soon." He managed to smile encouragingly before quietly exiting the room. The door clicked softly as it closed behind him.
Hitomi stared at the door long after he'd gone. Gradually she regained her senses. Three days, she told herself, cleaning her face of tears. That's all I have to think. And to prepare to say goodbye.
As soon as Van returned to Fanelia's capital Merle was waiting to pounce on him with a hug. He accepted and returned her enthusiasm at his homecoming. "I was so worried!" she exclaimed. "We didn't know what was happening, or if you were okay. Don't do that again!"
"I'm sorry I made you worry, Marle." He patted her head, and gently eased them apart. "Now where is this Sorcerer? I have to speak with him immediately."
"He's pretty nice," she said, leading him to the man's reserved quarters. "He said I was clever for figuring it out."
"Well, that's good. Maybe you can help explain it to me, too."
"Okay!" Merle took him by the hand and led him along.
Worlds of Blue and White
Part Two: With Hands Clasped
Chapter 9: Hiding in Tears
The next morning Mariko noticed instantly that her friend wasn't well. "Are you okay?" she asked delicately. "You skipped cram school last night."
"I wasn't feeling well," Hitomi replied. "Let's not race today, okay? I'm tired."
"Sure." Too tired? That doesn't sound like Hitomi. She slid off her bike and walked alongside it instead. "I hope you feel better soon. The meet's today."
Hitomi stared at her blankly for a moment, and then slapped her forehead. "Oh my God, I almost forgot! It is, isn't it? I can't believe it." She quickly checked her things and sighed in relief--she'd pre-packed her shoes and spikes the night before. "Thank God."
Mariko regarded her friend with concern. "Are you sure you're okay? Maybe you shouldn't run today."
"Not run?" She shook her head emphatically. "I have to--the team's counting on me. Besides, I'm okay. Really." She smiled falsely and continued on. "So don't worry. I'm fine."
"If you say so." Mariko shrugged and followed.
During lunch Hitomi folded her arms on her desk and fell asleep. Several seats away, Yukari quietly reassured several members of the track team. "She's fine, she's fine. She just didn't get much sleep, that's all. Today's going to be fin. You guys have to pull together, too."
As soon as classes had ended, Yukari dragged her gloomy friend to the locker room and forced her to sit down. Mariko joined them--together the girls made an intimidating combination. "All right, Hitomi, it's time to fess up. What happened to you and Van?"
Hitomi stared, and glanced way guiltily. "Um…what do you mean?" Guys, I know you mean well, but I can't handle this right now.
"Listen--we all know he's gone," Mariko took over. "We saw the weird shiny-light-thingy. And we, as your best friends, can't let you go out there until we know you're okay."
"Mariko…." Hitomi bit her lip. I've been ignoring all my friends completely ever since Van came. But they're still willing to do anything to help me. I need to make that up to them somehow. She cringed. But can I really tell them everything? She took a deep breath to gather her thoughts.
"Van did leave," she blurted out. "He went home to take care of some things, but he'll be back."
"And?" Yukari prompted. "Then what?"
Hitomi wrung her fingers anxiously. "Then…I don't know. But I do know that if I'm going to get through this meet, I can't start thinking of it now. So please, let's just drop it?"
Yukari and Mariko exchanged unsatisfied glances before relenting. "Okay," the latter said. "But when this is over--and I mean soon--we're going to have a long talk."
She ducked her head. "Yes, Ma'am."
Van listened to the entire story. He sat at the table in his drawing room, Merle at his side, the Sorcerer across from them. Allen stood before the room's only window. They all listened as Kolaf Driffth explained in detail the circumstances leading up to Celena's fate change. He told them of Dornkirk's search for the perfect child. He told of Dilandau's training and schooling, and the selection of the Dragonslayers that would be his underlings. Sparing no semantics he described Dilandau's relapse after the deaths of his companions--the fit of mad, wordless ranting and nights of agonizing visions. All of it opened before them, frightening and humbling. Merle pulled close to Van as comfort, but even he was deeply disturbed. He couldn't imagine what Allen must have been thinking.
"I don't know exactly what's happened to Celena," Kolaf finished. "But after hearing your account, your Majesty, it seems clear that out two 'screens' are merging. The appearance of the Dragonslayer may have dissolved our memory block, which led to this."
Still at the window, Allen folded his hands behind his back. "You mentioned to me earlier that the Sorcerers had hoped for this, for them to become one. Why?"
"Because then his potential would be at its utmost. Oh, I mean, hers." He coughed into his hand. "Forgive me. Anyway, we'd originally tried to alter a person's fate directly, but it would never hold well enough without a screen. That is, until Dornkirk's machine was finalized. But it was destroyed too soon for any sensible data to be recorded."
Van folded his hands and pressed his knuckles thoughtfully against his mouth. "It's all because of Dornkirk's machine." Hitomi had said that. So, it really could change fate. He quickly beat down those thoughts before they could open to another subject.
"But Celena, completely merged with Dilandau, would then be connected directly to her Fate Nature," the Sorcerer continued. She would think only of her destiny, and behave accordingly. Which explains her periods of appeared mindlessness. She was functioning on pure instinct."
Van raised his head slowly. "There's a part of her that hasn't merged," he said softly. Allen's chin tilted up a bit at the words as well. "She still thinks of Jovey--she's concerned about his safety. She wouldn't do that if it was all instinct."
"Unless she considers him essential to her plan." When he noticed that he'd lowered their spirits, he quickly added, "but that may be a good sign. If Jovey's injury was as severe as Allen indicated, leaving him would have been more convenient for her."
The group pondered this for a moment. Then Merle asked, "So, why should Van stay away from her? You said it'd be dangerous."
Kolaf nodded. "Yes, very. Remember, we programmed Celena's destiny--she exists only to kill Van--um, your Majesty."
"Van is fine," the king said dismissively.
"Thank you. Anyway, if the two of you are forced together, it will become a fight to the death. Allen has told me that both of you are exceptional fighters. Bloodshed will be inevitable and in that state Celena may become unreachable. If we can get to her before that, it may be possible to help her overcome her fate nature."
Allen asked, "Are you sure we can't simply change her destiny?"
Kolaf sighed sympathetically. "I could acquire suitable equipment through Zaibach, if given enough time. But change it to what?"
"It'd be better if we let her create her own destiny," Van added quietly. "Not give her a new one."
The knight nodded his silent agreement. "In that case, I'm open to your suggestions, Van, Kolaf."
"I can't guarantee anything," Kolaf admitted. "I've been able to rehabilitate several of our past subjects, but never a case as delicate and complicated as Dilandau. I do, however, suggest that you get to this Dragonslayer fellow and explain some things to him."
Van lowered his eyes. He felt almost a twinge of guild in thinking of the youth, buried within the knowledge of his past sins. "Jovey knows about Celena," he murmured, "and wants nothing to do with her."
"Change his mind," Kolaf insisted. "If Celena and Dilandau both trust him, his help with bee valuable. It's the same as when we used Jajuka to stabilize her."
The king winced, and felt Merle's hand close over his in comfort. Another fault of mine. If I'd known only a minute earlier, I would have never killed him. He licked his lips. Even if we're able to help Celena escape her destiny, she'll still hate me.
"Van-sama?" Merle asked, nudging him. "Are you all right?"
"Yes. I'm fine, Merle. Just tired." He lifted his head and gazed toward the window. Allen had become no more than a silhouette, outlined by the soft orange of lazy sunset. He looked almost like a statue, staring blindly at a kingdom that wasn't his. I wonder if he'll forgive me. Most of this is my fault, as much as the Sorcerers. She was taken because of me. I scarred Dilandau, killed his comrades and his friend. Coming here started this nightmare. His focus drifted further, to the rim of earth's sphere that was still just barely visible among dots of thing clouds. It looked even farther away than before he'd visited it, less than a day before. It even appeared…sad. Perhaps lonely. He closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of his city that were deathly quiet in comparison to Tokyo's raging streets. And when he pictured Hitomi, he could see only her tears.
Hitomi pulled back her hair and secured it with her favorite blue tie. Her shoelaces were next--double knotted, just to be sure. She tested the tightness experimentally, and was pleased by the feel of the fresh bindings. Her money had been well spent. With a soft smile she tossed her bag aside and jogged onto the field.
"Hitomi! You're up after this heat," Yukari declared, a clipboard in one hand and a pencil tucked behind her ear. Around her neck was a red stopwatch--she took her managing position very seriously. "How do you feel?"
"Great."
"You're not anxious? Nervous?"
"Nope." Hitomi smiled, though she didn't try to hide a plea--she was tired of people questioning her well being. "I've got new shoes, after all."
Yukari caught the hint and laid off. "You're the boss."
Hitomi moved to the edge of the track to cheer for her teammates. Once the boys had finished she was up--the 50 meter dash, possibly her best event. She took her place and set into position. Down the line of bodies, her friend Mayumi winked. Hitomi winked back and then focused her sight ahead.
Off the to the side stood the man with the starting gun. He was watching the officials at the other end, waiting for their signal. Hitomi took several deep breaths, letting her mind slip into a calm rhythm. She'd done this a hundred times before. The runners alongside her were fresh--this was the first race for all of them. She could feel their excitement in the air around her, and she borrowed a bit of it for herself.
Take courage.
On the starter's command bent down, resting her weight equally on her fingertips and forward foot. Her peers did likewise, all focused and waiting, already breathless. A small bit of pride rose in her at her own maturity; she would not be so easily uplifted. Her path stretched before her. Take courage, she repeated to herself, sneaking a glance at Yukari off to the side. Her friend was smiling excitedly. Further away stood Mariko, chatting to Kenji. They both quickly turned their attention on the impending race.
The gun went off, and Hitomi leapt into motion. Her feet pounded against the track, arms pumping; never losing sight of the finish. The scenery around her melted into a blur. She could no longer see the other contestants but she felt their presence, clawing at her heels. She pushed herself faster. The goal was nearly within her reach, and she flung herself forward that extra distance, as if flying instead of running.
And then she slowed, gasping for breath. Someone steadied her and handed her a cup of water. Hitomi thanked them, glancing back at the other runners who'd also finished. Mayumi grinned breathlessly. "Good job, Hitomi."
Hitomi told her the same, and together the moved off the track. They were greeted quickly by Yukari, Mariko, and Kenji, who had much to say about her performance. She'd finished first. She accepted all their praise graciously, and cheered as the second heat began. Then she excused herself to prepare for the next event.
Hours later the meet had ended, and everyone went on their way home. Hitomi snuck away from the commotion, changed quickly, and managed to leave before her friends could catch up. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate their help--she simply didn't want to have to talk about Van, if she could help it. Her thoughts were confused enough already.
It started as s tightness in her chest that wouldn't go away. Stop it, she commanded fiercely, fighting back the lump in her throat that followed. You can't cry now. Not in the middle of the street, with all these people. She started across the street, caught up in the flowing crowd. They passed around her without notice or care.
It would have been nice to have Van there. She'd even been ready to invite him, the evening before when he'd announced his departure. Several of her teammates often brought their boy and girlfriends to the competitions to cheer for them. And sometimes, she'd imagine her friends from Gaea on the sidelines, urging her on.
Hitomi's eyes began to water. No, please. She kept walking stubbornly, as if she could force her legs not to tremble by giving them a task. Just wait until I get home, at least. She bit her lip painfully. I'm not going to cry over him.
"But Hitomi, I love you."
Hitomi stopped walking as her tears began to fall. She swiped at them in frustration, refusing them, which only made it worse. The crowds continued to press in around her; when she tried to take a deep breath the air tasted bitter and made her cough. She fled to a nearby coffee shop and entered the bathroom in the back. Thankfully, both stalls were empty. She chose on and sat down, trying to wipe her eyes. She couldn't stop crying. Soon she was sobbing, angry with herself for being so weak but also too lonely to care.
My friends are here, Hitomi told herself. My family has been more than understanding. This planet is my home, where I was born and raised. This is where I belong. Gaea is a world of war. It's wild, and medieval, and simple. All I have there are a handful of friends and Van, nothing more. This is where I belong.
She covered her face in her hands and wept. Because she knew the awful truth which rested inside her; without Van, none of that mattered. She would go back to her simple, patterned life. She would go on to college, and become a working woman, and grow old and die. Her days would be as pointless and empty as they had been without him. Without Van, love was nothing more than a charming lie told to children to give them hope, because somehow she knew she would never find it again.
Hitomi didn't arrive home until late. Only her father was still awake, sitting in the living room with a new book--he adored reading, so finding him like this was in no way unique. He glanced up as she entered on leaded feet. "Welcome home."
"Hello." She stepped out of her shoes and shuffled inside. "I'm going to bed."
"Of course. It must have been a tough meet."
Hitomi stopped walking. She quickly turned her head away to avoid him seeing her red and swollen eyes. "Yeah," she replied. "But we won."
"Congratulations."
No, not now, again. She covered her mouth even as she felt her tears resurfacing. Her father's calm, understanding demeanor was destroying her. He sounded as if he already knew where she'd been the past hour.
"Hitomi, come over here," he coaxed gently.
Hitomi dropped her things and joined her father on the living room sofa. He welcomed her under his arm. She cried against him quietly, and he held her without questions. He didn't even have to speak. She even got the impression that he was smiling faintly, which she found oddly comforting. Once she'd finished he helped her up to her room and left while she changed, returning with her things. He placed them aside to be dealt with later. "Go to sleep now," he told her. "We'll excuse you from school tomorrow, if you want."
Her father was always trying to do that for her, though her mother greatly disapproved. She shook he head. "Thanks Dad, but I should go. I've worried Yukari and Mariko enough as it is."
"They both called while you were gone," he remarked. "But it's pretty late now. You can see them tomorrow." He made sure she was tucked in before kissing her forehead. "So sleep."
Hitomi nodded weakly, as she was already exhausted. "Thank you." He smiled--just a bit, as he always did--and quietly left.
Hitomi pulled the blankets closer to her. Does everyone really understand me that well? she wondered gloomily. Is it so obvious, wherever I go, that I'm in pain? She closed her eyes tightly and sighed. Damn you, Van, for making me so weak.
Her mind flared suddenly with flashes of bright light. Hitomi gasped and bolted upright. Her body felt suddenly warm, as if surrounded by fire, and her gaze swam. No--no, what's happening? It couldn't be--
Hitomi's gaze focused abruptly, but it was not her room that she saw: she was outside, standing among Tokyo's busy streets. The crowds moved past her unknowingly. It's…a vision, she realized with a start. But I haven't had any since I came back from Gaea. What's going on?
She closed her eyes, trying to force the scenery away. No, I don't want to see. I don't want to know the future. I've had enough.
And then the world grew cold and silent around her. Cautiously, with the morbid curiosity of a man who slows his car to view a traffic accident, she opened her eyes. She didn't want to see, but she knew that had to--she couldn't help it. What she saw was millions of drifting white feathers, floating like snow down to earth. And when she lifted her gaze to the sky she viewed their source: Van, suspended high above her head, his wings spread fully and his gaze soft. He reached his hand out to her, and his lips curled in a smile.
-Hitomi-
The beautiful white wings twisted, stretched, and then silently fell away from the body they had once been routed to. The wind separated them from their master and plucked the feathers out, one by one, until they had become part of the blurred white storm descending on Tokyo's crowded and oblivious streets. Hitomi could only watch, horror stricken, as Van's body slipped from the sky, on his face still the same peaceful smile.
"Van!" With a start Hitomi awoke from the vision, her heart fluttering wildly against her ribs. It's over, she told herself, forcing her breath into a more reasonable pace. It's over. Calm down.
But Van--
She shook her head fiercely. No, it wasn't a vision. It couldn't have been. I gave that up a long time ago. She licked her lips and blacked the images from her mind. No. No, I won't let it be a vision. Van is fine. He'll be fine. I'm just worrying too much. I'm too tired.
Hitomi lay back down, determined to ignore the premonition. However, try as she might, she couldn't erase the burning memory of Van's smile.