Worlds of Blue and White
Part Two: With Hands Clasped
Chapter 13: Revelation
Van could not breathe from shock. He stared at Hitomi, disbelieving, and the pair of white wings that had sprung from her back. Their feathers danced about on a gentle breeze like butterflies. He was so taken by the sight that he almost forget their situation, and his grip loosened. Quickly he reminded himself to hold tightly. My God, Hitomi is….
He looked to see the girl's reaction. Her eyes were wide, stunned. Her mouth was open, but she didn't seem to breathing either. He also realized that the spreading of her wings had shredded the back of her school uniform, and what fabric remained only barely managed to keep her covered. Don't be distracted. She needs help. "Hitomi!" the king yelled, squeezing her hand. "Hitomi, can you hear me?"
Hitomi drew in a sharp, shaky breath, and turned her eyes on him. She looked horrified. "Van…?"
"Hitomi, give me your other hand." Van reached up, and she obeyed. Using that extra grip he was able to pull himself up, and wrapped his arms around her waist. At first she didn't even seem to notice. When he spoke her name again she flinched, and abruptly clasped him to her tightly. She was shaking terribly, and her skin felt cold. "Hitomi, calm down," Van instructed gently. "We have to get down. Can you hear me? All you have to do is think about it, and we'll go down."
Hitomi didn't respond, except to hold him even tighter to her chest. He felt his skin growing hot despite the desperation in their situation. He was about to repeat himself when, very slowly, they began to descend. "Good," he said encouragingly. "That's good, Hitomi. Just calm down. We're okay now."
She nodded against his head but didn't speak. He sighed in relief. But…this means Hitomi is a Dragon. How did I never realize? We were the same, all this time. He pulled closer to her. Maybe…we can be together.
Jovey stared as the pair drifted gradually down toward the street. "So, it's true," he murmured. "She really is a Dragon."
"I don't believe it," said Allen, standing beside him. "All this time, Hitomi was--"
"Of course. How else could someone from the Phantom Moon reach Gaea and speak our language?"
Nearby, Celena watched the two Dragons with a look of horror. "No," she whispered, shaking with rage. "No--they're supposed to die." Her voice rose in a cry of frustration and pain. "Damn them!" She brandished her sword and turned to run for the door.
Allen moved from the edge and stepped in her way. "I won't let you hurt them," he said deftly.
She met his gaze equally, unwavering. "Is that so?" She purred in an abrupt and unexpected changing of mood. The expression now held in her face looked less like the maddened beast--more like Dilandau. "I'd like to see you try and stop me, dear Brother."
Allen's eyes narrowed, and he inhaled slowly, building his determination. "Is that a challenge?"
"Maybe it is." Her grip on her sword tightened. "Because I intend to go after them. I know her house, her school, her friends--all of it. I can kill her any time I want."
The knight's lips pressed into a thin frown. He glanced at Jovey, but the youth had no advice to give. I don't want her to fight, Jovey was thinking. But if anyone can help Celena, it's her brother. He nodded slightly, approving. Allen would never hurt her, and somehow, I don't think she can hurt him, either.
Celena readied her sword, and the man that would be her opponent did likewise. "Looks like you'll be teaching me that last lesson after all," she snarled.
Allen took up a readied stance. "Looks that way."
Van released a sight of relief as his feet touched earth once more. Hitomi landed a moment later; her wings dissipated, and she collapsed into his arms. "Hitomi?" When he looked closer, he saw that she'd fainted. I…can't believe it. All along, she was just like me. More than ever he felt connected to her, and hated himself for nearly leaving. It was foolish for him to believe he could ever forget this woman. He scooped her tenderly into his arms and held her close.
It wasn't until then that Van realized how much attention they'd alerted. All around people had stopped to stare and point in amazement. Their murmurs filled the air like thick fog, and he stepped back beneath their stares. I've got to get her out of here. Someplace Celena wouldn't know, in case she gets away from Allen and Jovey. The crowd was beginning to move towards them; he glanced about for an exit. Being careful of the precious weight in his arms he turned and bolted into a side alley, leaving the gaping spectators far behind.
Celena ducked under a lateral sword strike and countered with her own. Allen blocked and retreated several steps. She responded exactly as he knew she would: she lunged, leaving her left side open. He attacked, intending to catch her in the ribs with the flat of his blade. But Celena read his move well enough, and somersaulted forward, escaping the blow and landing a sharp kick to his gut. The knight grimaced and quickly pulled out of range.
"It's a good thing you never fought me for long when I was Dilandau," Celena laughed once she'd righted herself. "I wasn't so lenient back then."
Allen quickly regained his composure. Yes, thank God for that, part of him whispered. But can I beat her now without injuring her? He shifted his sword grip. I have to. Oh Celena, is there any part of you left? Where have you gone?
"Come on, then," she taunted. "It's a game, right, Brother? You should be having fun."
Allen cringed. She would always tease him that way when she managed to take him to some social evening. Like a careless child she would speak to everyone, and insist he do the same. Always dragging him along while he watched over her from behind. Even as children it had been that way.
Maybe…there is still part of her left.
"All right, then." Allen resumed the match by attacking low, forcing his sister back. She laughed and countered, which led into a fury of strikes and blocks, metal clashing in their ears. It almost felt like one of their sparring matches. The knight found himself unexpectedly in the defensive, parrying her blows in search of a recognizable opening; he knew her style almost as well as his own, even if Dilandau's ancient influence had resurfaced fully. At last he spotted his chance, and struck, aiming for the edge of her weapon's hilt.
Celena extended her arm, and Allen nearly panicked; his sword was now flying at her unguarded wrist. He planted his feet and managed to divert the attack before it became too late. But in that pause Celena's foot lashed out and kicked his right hand, sending his weapon flying. Another blow to the knight's chest felled him. Stunned by the force of her onslaught, Allen couldn't move, and simply stared at his sister in disbelief.
"I knew you'd sacrifice the match before hurting me," Celena chuckled, pointing the tip of her blade at his throat. "I win at last, Brother."
Allen gulped. Though reason told him to move or speak, he could do neither. It can't end this way, he thought over and over. Celena, please. Can't you see how much I love you?
Off to the side, Jovey at last lifted his voice. "If you're going to do it, go ahead," he said calmly.
Celena glared at him sharply. "Don't be ridiculous. Do you actually believe I'd kill my own--" She stopped speaking when she saw her brother's face. Slowly, her expression twisted, and she lowered her sword. "Brother?" she whispered. "You…didn't really think I would, did you?"
"Celena…." Allen still sat frozen, unsure as to what action should be taken.
"You honestly believed I'd kill my own brother?" the girl demanded, though her countenance was filled with pain. She staggered backward several steps. "You think I'm nothing more than a cold-blooded murderer? I have a mission--a purpose!"
At last the knight propelled to his feet. "Celena, I knew you'd never do such a thing. But you're not acting like yourself."
"And how do you know how I act?" she retorted. "You covered up what I was without wondering or caring how I felt. You're selfish!" She pressed her hand to her chest. "This is the real me--this is what those damn Sorcerers left me! You have no idea how I should act."
"Stop it." He reached for her and her sword struck, the flat smacking against his hand. He grimaced and recoiled. "Celena, you were happy. Can you tell me you're happy now?" He stepped forward, and she retreated. "Can you honestly say you'd rather die than give Van up?"
"Yes!" Celena's eyes overflowed suddenly with tears. They spilled over her eyelids and down her cheeks. "If I was dead at least I'd be with them!"
Allen stopped, staring at her in shock. "Celena…."
"You'll never understand how I feel," she went on, her knuckles whitening as she grasped her sword. "Because you helped them die. If they were alive now…but they're gone, all of them. I feel sorry for them." She began to choke on the words. "They died as children. They never fulfilled our destiny. I'm doing this for all of them! Even for Jovey."
Jovey started to protest, but she kept going. "You keep saying we can change our destiny--you're wrong! You've never even tried. You're trapped by the Schezar name just as I was. We never wanted to be beautiful!"
"What…what are you talking about?" Allen demanded more sharply than he'd intended. "That doesn't--"
"It does, it does!" Celena interrupted. "You're a phony, Brother! I know you hate it. Hate acting like a prince for people who look at you like dirt. You don't want peacock women to fawn on you--you're just as lonely as I am!"
Allen couldn't speak. Her words were slow to penetrate him, and even slower to admit. He stared at his sister, at her tears that fell for both of them, and wondered how she had come to know him so well. He felt like a fool for not realizing her true emotions earlier. All along his hiding the truth had trapped her. He himself had driven her away.
Van took Hitomi to the only place he could think of: the forest, far enough away from the Alseides to avoid being discovered. Along the way he'd stolen some laundry from a small home--some sheets and two over-sized shirts. He ripped the first sheet and tied it around his torso, then slipped into a shirt. He managed to fit Hitomi into the other shirt without embarrassing himself too much. Then he laid out the sheet for her to rest on. Throughout all this she didn't wake or even stir. It must have been a shock to her, he thought, watching her as she slept. She didn't know, then. Or did she? She never made any indication on Gaea. He frowned, recalling everything from those days gone past. He found no evidence in his memories.
Was I blind? Certainly no one else realized. But this means I'm not the last one left after all. The king reached out and tentatively stroked her cheek. Why didn't she tell me what she was doing? She didn't trust me enough…? After everything? He sighed.
Hitomi moaned softly, and began to shift. Good, she's coming to. Van recoiled his hand and waited for her to awaken. "Hitomi?"
She moaned and opened her eyes, blinking against the setting sun. She glanced about as if in a dream. "Van?"
"I'm here." He took her hand and helped her to sit up. "How do you feel?"
"A little dizzy." Hitomi noticed her surroundings for the first time and frowned. "Where…?"
"In the forest a little ways. Do you remember what happened?"
"What…?" She trailed off, and her eyes grew wide as the images returned to her. She wrapped herself in her arms. "It…wasn't a dream?"
Van shook his head slowly. "No, it wasn't." He licked his lips. "Hitomi, did you know? That you were like me."
Hitomi didn't answer right away, which caused anxiety to rise in him. Why am I so nervous? Is it from her? But why is she so nervous? She couldn't have known and not--
"Sort of," she answered at last. "I…it had been suggested to me, but I didn't believe it."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Van tried to reserve his outrage and hurt, but the emotions leaked into his voice anyway. "If you knew something, why? And what about you and Celena and Jovey--when did you plan this?"
Hitomi lowered her head, suddenly appearing young and very small. "This morning," she admitted quietly.
"And what if they'd betrayed you?" the king demanded even as he struggled for control. "Both of them tried to kill me once, and you knew Celena wanted you dead."
"I know."
"Then why? Why go as far away from me as possible? Why deceive me, and Allen? Explain it to me."
"It's…because…" Hitomi stuttered, watching him guiltily. He felt his anger melting beneath those distraught, remorseful eyes. But abruptly her expression hardened, and she rallied courage within herself. "I didn't want you involved," she answered deftly. "I knew you'd start fighting--which you did. We could have all been killed!"
Van flinched just barely. "You make it sound like it's my fault."
"We were doing fine until you came," she said, gaining strength. "Celena was starting to believe us. But you showed up and ruined it!"
"I was doing it for you," he insisted in frustration.
"You didn't trust me."
"How can I when you're sneaking around behind my back?" the king fairly shouted. "You don't trust me either!"
Hitomi shrunk back, startled by a flash of guilt. She calmed herself long enough to look into his eyes, and view the hurt she'd caused. I always knew it would hurt him, she reminded herself. And somehow, I wanted it to. If it could put some distance between us, all the better. It's easier to forget.
"Van…I'm sorry." Hitomi fought back the tears she'd been hiding all afternoon. "So sorry. It wasn't that I didn't trust you. I wanted you to trust me." She glanced away. "And I saw a vision, last night. I didn't want you involved, because if a fight began, I didn't want either of you to get hurt."
Van stared at her, somewhat speechless. He stumbled over the words several times. "I'm sorry, too. For not trusting you enough."
"I know." They sat together awkwardly for some time, unsure of what should be said next. Though Hitomi felt relieved that they weren't fighting, her previous anxiety had been replaced by a new concern. I just can't believe it, her mind reeled. I'm a Dragon. Like Van. All along and I never realized. She wondered suddenly what would become of her. I'm not even human, really. Why did Mom never tell me? Did she not know, or is this the "truth" she wanted me to find?
"Van," she whispered diffidently. "I'm scared."
The king hesitated a moment before moving beside her. He held her tenderly. "I know. How do you feel?"
"Tired." She wriggled against him, savoring his warmth and smell. "And my back is sore."
"Mine was, too, when I first tried." He massaged her back gently to ease her tightened muscles. "Eventually you get used to it. It was never an effort for Mother, when she did use them."
Hitomi nodded barely into his chest. "Do you think…this is how I was able to meet you?" she asked. "Because we're the same--the last? Was this our fate?"
"I don't know." Van hummed thoughtfully. "But before I met you…I wasn't very happy with my life." The admission came slowly, and she was surprised to hear it from him. "I felt forced. My destiny might not have changed since then, but now I feel as if I've chosen it."
Chosen it. The words echoed in Hitomi's mind. Some part of her rejected them, didn't want to admit them, even though she wasn't sure why. It was almost guilt, that he could speak so openly with her when she couldn't.
"Hitomi."
His voice had changed. It felt deeper and more sincere somehow, and the sound of it caused her insides to twist. His arms tightened around her. "You really can't come back with me?" he asked quietly.
Van, please…. She didn't even know what she was praying for, only that she was waiting somehow. Waiting for him to hold her closer or push her away. For an absolution.
"You're a Dragon," Van continued in that same desperately soft tone. "Like me. We're all that's left. Shouldn't we be together?" The arms surrounding her began to tremble. "Can't we? We belong together, don't we?"
"Van, I don't know what to believe anymore," she replied hoarsely. "I want to be with you." The words tore at her, they were so genuine. They had lain hidden inside her for so long that she hadn't realized how deeply they'd been affecting her. This place, here within his arms, was more sacred to her than any on her blue planet. And she knew that staying here, separated from his eyes and voice, meant giving up the last person who could one day grow to understand her. Her last chance for happiness.
"Van, I want to be with you," Hitomi repeated, wrapping her arms about his neck in a firm embrace. "I do, more than anything. But it means giving up everything else. You understand, don't you?"
Startled by her declaration, the king didn't respond immediately. "Yes, I do," he said softly. "I…could never give up Fanelia."
Of course not. You're king. She clung to him, biting her lip painfully. What have I here? I'm happiest in my dreams. And now that I know what I am, I can't ignore it. Mother was right. This place can't be my home forever. I need to be where I belong.
Hitomi paused, listening to the beat of Van's heart beneath her ear. "We can change destiny," she murmured, closing her eyes as a few tears leaked through. "I'll…go back with you, Van. I'm going back to Gaea."
"Really?" he gasped, afraid to move least she escape him once more. "You…you will?"
"Uh-huh." She smiled, and then her lips parted in a laugh. "I will. I will."
Van took her shoulders suddenly, pushing her back just far enough to kiss her mouth. She responded in kind; her body seemed to move on its own, moving closer to his. And all she could think while his lips met hers again was, I'm going home.
Worlds of Blue and White
Part Two: With Hands Clasped
Chapter 14: Resolution
Celena hadn't moved in some time. She was still standing with her feet planted firmly on the roof's cold concrete. Her eyes were red from crying, her cheeks stained, and her bottom lip held between her teeth to keep it from trembling. The tip of her sword wavered back and forth slightly. Several times she opened her mouth to speak, but her throat would constrict, cutting off the words. Across from her, Allen had no voice either. He could only stare, dumbstruck and at a loss for explanation. His face was pale with nausea; the flowing blond locks had never looked so heavy and dead. Had the wind picked up any more, surly, his knees would buckle and fell him.
Jovey watched them, he himself not feeling much of anything. He was waiting, because despite his convictions he really wasn't sure how to proceed. His instincts pulled him in different directions: to yell in frustration, to comfort her softly, to do nothing at all and hope for the best. He wanted nothing more than to finish this, somehow, to help the most important person in his life. Because he could see in her something that, oddly enough, comforted him: fear. The same uncertainty and confusion he'd discovered when she'd struck him, days previous, was still present. She was just as lost as all of them.
"Celena." Jovey stepped forward, and she whirled to face him, appearing very unsteady. He didn't halt. "Calm down. This isn't about Allen."
"It is!" she insisted angrily. "It's his fault for not telling me."
Allen swayed a bit, as if he could vomit. Jovey quickly pressed on, ignoring him. "Think about what you're saying. I know you say you don't regret Dilandau, but it's a painful truth. If he hadn't hidden it, you would have been blamed for his crimes."
Celena shook her head savagely. "I don't regret it!" she cried. "I should be blamed! Don't you understand that I was Dilandau? His actions, his words, his thoughts--" She choked on a sob before continuing. "Those horrible thoughts. They were all mine!"
"No, Celena." He approached closer, keeping his voice soft and even. "The Sorcerers put those thoughts there." He looked to Allen in hopes of an affirmation; the knight managed to nod weakly. "You were someone different once, and they changed you."
Celena retreated a step, as he'd expected; he forced her back several more, as she was drawing closer to Allen in the process. "Thank God they did," she muttered under her breath. "I can't imagine what I'd become otherwise."
Allen, apparently having reached his limit, dropped to his knees. He clasped his hand over his mouth as if truly ill, and his shoulders were hunched and trembling. No, not now, Jovey pleaded, licking his lips nervously. Allen, I need you on this. You can't lose it now.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jovey was startled by the sudden wrath in Celena's voice as she glowered at her brother. "I mean it! If they hadn't changed me, I would have grown up another Schezar woman. Is that what you wanted? For me to end up like Mother, hollow and alone?"
The Heaven Knight couldn't speak. He merely closed his eyes, as if to escape her cruel words. But her accusations continued. "Haven't you figured out yet that our name means nothing? We're failures, both of us!" Jovey wanted to intervene, but Celena's sword hand was quivering in want of a target, and he dared not provoke her. "We're not the beautiful people Mother wanted us to be. We're twisted and hollow and ugly, just like she was--just like Father!"
"Don't say that," Allen said weakly, still unable to face her.
"I'm not like you, Allen," Celena went on in a slightly more controlled tone. Once more her eyes brimmed with mysterious tears. "I can't live the way you do. This is my purpose--I need to know that my life has meaning. They died so that I could live. I can't waste their sacrifice on court parties and goddamned child's play fighting!"
With that final word Celena threw her sword on the ground; it clanged and rolled several feet away. Jovey jumped, but a moment later was calmed; without the weapon, it would be easier to negotiate. But he didn't approach right away, waiting for what else she might say.
"Celena, I'm sorry," Allen told her, placing both quaking palms on the rooftop. "If I'd known how much they meant to you, I--"
"Shut up." Her words were more like a plea. "They're gone, and it was my fault." She scrubbed at her eyes, trying to clear away the tears. "They died too young, before I realized what they were to me. You could never understand that."
"I do."
Celena stopped, and turned her heated gaze upon him. "What?"
"I do," the knight repeated in barely a whisper, so she had to strain to hear. "I do understand what it's like to lose your loved ones."
She glared at him, ready to retort, when he raised his head slightly. "I lost you," he told her, his voice strained with barely controlled emotion. His eyes were filled with pain. "I…didn't want to lose you again. I didn't know you were so unhappy."
"I…." Celena knelt in front of her brother and struck him without warming. The man's head turned to the side, unexpecting of such force. "Don't," she snapped, though her strength was wavering. "I hated you back then--sometimes even as much as Van. You're a selfish coward!"
"I'm sorry," was all he could say.
She waited, trembling, for more. But he didn't move or speak. "Why won't you look at me?" she asked in quiet, dead voice. "Are…are you ashamed of what I've become? I'm not really a Schezar anymore, am I?"
Allen's eyes widened, and he turned to face her at last. He stumbled over a response, unable to speak.
Grateful for the lull in their argument, Jovey came forward and crouched next to Celena. She didn't give any indication that she'd noticed: her eyes were only for her brother, searching his face. Her ever-shifting emotions had settled into confusion once more, watching the blond man with sorrow, and guilt. Jovey was beginning to understand at last. "You do regret it, don't you?" he murmured, briefly touching the scar that ran down her right cheek. She flinched at the contact. "Fanelia, fighting Van and Allen, losing the Dragonslayers--you regret it so much that you won't--can't--admit it, even to yourself."
Celena's attention snapped to him, but the retort died before it had even been conjured. She was wearing down--falling apart. She didn't know who or what to trust. He knew those eyes, as they were a pair he'd once worn. "Celena, stop fighting it. You're strong, but you can't take responsibility for everything. What happened wasn't your fault. It was you, but something you couldn't help."
"But still--" she protested through fresh tears.
"I understand," Jovey interrupted. "When I realized I was the only survivor of the Dragonslayers, I did the same thing--I tried to kill Van. I thought vengeance would give them some peace." He swallowed hard. "But that's not why they died. They died so that we would live. Escaflowne--Van--never mattered, as long as you were safe. That's why."
Celena's eyes were wide, wanting terribly to believe what he'd said. She glanced at her brother, who nodded.
"And all this time, Allen's been taking care of you," Jovey went on. "He spread lies about you to keep you safe. Many people would have tried to hurt you because of your past, but he risked his honor as a knight--possibly his life--by protecting you."
Celena jumped, something inside her crying openly at those words. Her mind reached back, recalling when she'd first spoken to Jovey about the Dragonslayers, and learned how deeply they'd cared for their leader. They'd defended Dilandau, even knowing him to be cruel and unjust. Hearing that had made her envious--she wanted that kind of selfless, silent devotion. She looked to Allen once more. He was watching her like a lost child.
I had it all along. Brother…he knew everything I'd done, but he still protected me. He forgave me for all of it. Even though I could have killed him.
Allen licked his lips, groping for the right words. "You're still my sister," he said at last, hopefully. "You can still be a Schezar--I don't care if we can't live up to that name. It's ours now--only ours. Please." He reached out his hand to her. "Celena. Come home."
Celena looked from his eyes--his bright sapphire eyes--to the outstretched offering. I don't deserve it. But…. With a sob she fell into his arms, clutching the fabric of his shirt in stiff. Her body shook, and he held her, so tightly that it hurt.
Van and Hitomi made their way out of the forest in silence. They didn't need to speak, because putting their feelings into words could have only degraded their meaning. Their hands twisted around each other, so that neither knew where one ended and the other began. It was through that simple contact that they expressed all they needed. Their fingers were nearly starved of blood, they held onto each other so tightly.
By the time they reached Hitomi's house, it was nearing eight o'clock. The sun was just barely hanging on the horizon, like the lazy eye of a curious spectator, making sure the pair returned safely. Not long after they arrived it finally relinquished its duty to it's pale sister. Hitomi held Van's hand in an even tighter grip as she unlocked the door and let herself in. Despite the strength in her decision to accompany Van back to Fanelia, she still feared giving the news to her parents.
"Mom? Dad?" She crept inside, her mouth dry, somewhat off balance. Van stayed close as support, for which she was grateful. "I'm home."
"In here, Hitomi."
That had been her mother's voice. It sounded calm, almost wise--like the age-worn tone of her grandmother. Some heavy knowledge was pulling it down. Hitomi gulped, and moved into the living room, where the response had come from.
Hitomi's parents were seated beside each other on the couch, as if they'd been waiting patiently for her. Tatsumi was sitting on the ground nearby. For the first time in Hitomi's memory, she couldn't predict what he was thinking. His face was solemn, subdued. He glanced at her only briefly before returning his visage to the floor.
They know. Hitomi's attention was diverted suddenly to the television, which was playing softly to her left. The hourly news was playing. "…Hours ago, where several witnesses claimed to have seen a man with wings," the reporter said in a calm monotone. "Though reports vary, most agreed that a wan with white, bird-like wings descended from the rooftop of the National Library at approximately 7:00 this evening. Authorities have yet to respond to this claim…."
Hitomi realized a moment later that she'd been holding her breath. A feeling of dread spread through her as she looked to her parents. They were watching her expectantly. But she couldn't speak. The words to explain herself slipped from her mind--as if she'd lost all language.
Remember why you're here, some voice in her mind reached out to her. Remember what you have to tell them. Still the speech she planned failed to surface. She was dimly aware that Van had nudged her, and that her parents were still waiting, but she couldn't speak.
"Hitomi." At last her mother broke the silence. "You're not hurt, are you?"
"I…." She started to explain, but the words caught in her throat and hid. And suddenly she felt that her cheeks were wet. She started, touching her fingertips to the tears that had mysteriously begun to fall. It was as if she had already told them--the look on her family's faces was one of acceptance. They knew what she was going to say long before she'd decided herself. Their farewells were already said.
"Mom, Dad….Tatsumi." Hitomi licked her lips and scrubbed her eyes clear. "I…I'm sorry. I didn't know until now, but…but now I know what I have to do." She inhaled deeply, and briefly closed her eyes. "I'm going with Van, to Gaea. I don't know if I'll ever come back. But it's because I love him, and I…I belong there. I'm one of them. You understand, don't you?"
Her mother and father were smiling faintly. Tatsumi still wouldn't face her, chewing on his lips in the silence. After a moment he asked softly, "You won't come back?"
"No." She smiled, sadly, as she had known all along the truth of her decision. She turned to Van then, and gestured to her grandmother's pendant, which he still wore. He understood immediately, and pulled it over his head. Hitomi thanked him with a nod and moved to kneel in front of her brother. "Tatsumi," she said quietly. "I know we never got along, but…we're brother and sister, right? I won't forget you." She took his hand and placed the magenta stone into it. "Keep this for me, won't you? You might need it some day."
Tatsumi stared down at the pendant, his eyes dull, but he nodded, and smiled at her. "All right."
"Thank you." She stood, and faced her parents. "I…guess I should gather my things." They nodded, without speaking.
Hitomi went to her room, and Van waited downstairs--she wanted to spend the last minutes she had there alone, to say goodbye to her sanctuary of so many years. She realized early on that packing her clothing would be a waste--she didn't need to stand out more in Gaea than she already would. CDs, hair dryers, her laptop--without electricity, none of it would do her any good. She was going to live in Gaea. Van was a king--it wasn't as if he wouldn't be able to provide everything she needed.
Hitomi stopped as she was placing a photo album into her bag. Van's a king, she thought, sinking onto the bed. A king. Which means, if I go with him, I'll be…queen. She gulped, and the photo album slipped from her hand. The thud of it on the floor startled her. Queen. I…never really thought of it like that. Stupid Hitomi--that should have been obvious from the start!
She shook her head to clear it. No, pull yourself together. You're going back. Van will take care of you. Whatever else happens, you can handle it. She inhaled deeply and returned to packing her keepsakes. If Van is with me, I can handle it.
She was just finishing when she heard the doorbell ring downstairs. A moment later Yukari's voice drifted up to her. "Hello, Kanzaki-san. Is Hitomi here? We wanted to talk to her."
Hitomi took in another deep breath. Guys, I'm sorry. She grabbed her things together, and noticed then the bottom drawer of her desk that she'd neglected to sort through. Frowning, she opened it, and found only a long wooden box. The knowledge of what lay inside compelled her to lift it out of the barely used drawer. It was covered with dust, and had a musty smell. Gulping, she opened it.
Lying inside the confines of oak were her tarot cards--unused, since returning from Gaea. She ran her fingers over the surface of the top card, smiling grimly to herself with the memories of how she'd once depended on these simple icons of fate. "People decide destiny," she murmured to herself, closing the lid once more. She grabbed her bag and, still carrying the wooden box, dashed down the stairs.
As she'd expected, Yukari, Mariko, and Kenji were waiting for her in the living room.
The two girls leapt to their feet as she entered. "Hitomi!" Yukari cried, running over to her. "Are you all right? What happened?"
"I'm fine," Hitomi assured, guiding her friend back into a seat. "Calm down, and I'll explain." She sat down as well, and was thankful when Van joined her side. "I'll tell you everything."
They listened to her story, silent. She had know idea what they might have been thinking, or why their faces reflected so much uncertainty. It was as if they, too, realized how the tale would end. The more she spoke the more tense and restless they became, anticipating the conclusion. And though it hurt her, she finished the only way she could finish. "I'm going back with Van to Gaea."
"But don't you understand what that means?" Mariko demanded, her eyes brimming already with tears. "We'll never see you again."
"I'm sorry." It was all she could say. "I'm grateful to all of you--I really am--but…I've already made up my mind." She smiled through her pain. "Please, understand."
"But, you can't--" Mariko began, but Kenji patted her shoulder. She glared at him momentarily before falling silent beneath his gaze.
"It's Kanzaki's decision," Kenji said, watching his friend with understanding. "We want her to be happy."
"That's right," Yukari spoke, her voice hoarse because of the tears running down her face. "Hitomi, we want you to be happy. Because we'll always be friends."
Hitomi thanked and hugged them, herself crying. She told them to divide her things among themselves, which earned her a round of laughing sobs. They held each other for what seemed like a long time--she didn't want to let them go. Because she knew once she released them they would be gone from her life forever, without having heard all the things in her heart she wanted to tell them. At last she recoiled, and handed the old wooden box to Yukari. "I want you to have these," she said, smiling. "I know I haven't used them for a while, but…they carry a lot of my feelings."
Yukari accepted the gift, nodding in understanding. "Take care."
Their parting was suddenly interrupted by a harsh pounding on the door. Someone was calling to them from the outside. Hitomi answered quickly, and was startled to see Jovey standing before her. Behind him was Allen, carrying an unconscious Celena in his arms. "We're all right," Jovey assured quickly. "Celena's going to be okay." He stopped, staring at her. "Why are you crying?"
Hitomi quickly mopped her face on her sleeve. "It's nothing--don't worry about it. Is Celena all right?"
"We hope so," Allen replied, though he himself looked very unsteady. His handsome face was drawn tight with worry. "We were able to get through to her, but she passed out suddenly."
"It was difficult avoiding the soldiers on the way here," Jovey added, glancing about at the inside of her house. It was the first time he'd seen it, and his gaze lingered on the television, wondering at its function. "They were all over. Van, I suggest we leave as soon as possible."
Van joined Hitomi at the door and slipped his hand into hers. "Yes, I agree. We'll have to go to the Alseides, so that we all go back together." He glanced at Hitomi, slightly hesitant. His patience warmed her. "Are you ready?"
"Yes." She smiled at him. Then she turned to her family and friends one last time, and bid them all a final farewell. "I'm going to be okay," she told them, and she felt the strength of those words course through her entire being. She stood straight, feeling the weight of her possessions in her hands, taking one last look at all she was leaving behind. Though already she had begun to miss these precious people, she felt no fear for the path that lay ahead of her. Because she had chosen it.
"I'm going home."
Worlds of Blue and White
Part Two: With Hands Clasped
Epilogue
Celena closed her eyes as the tears began to fall anew. She felt as if all day she had been combating them, through rationalization and anger and pride, and she lost every battle. Her throat would close as if it too wished to halt the fierce sobs, and her body would shake from the strain of imprisoning them. She would grind her fists into her eyes and try to hold back, which only made the pain worse. And at last she would give in--as she was doing now, sitting with her back pressed to the balcony railing. She had come here once before with the intent of receiving peace from the night air, from the tiny innocent stars, and was again denied their comfort. Because sleeping beneath those pinpoints of light slept Fanelia, whose people she had tortured and scattered. This place marked the birth of her sins.
Three days had passed since returning from the Phantom Moon. Celena did not remember the first day at all--she'd been dragged down in fever, or so Allen told her later. In her delusions she'd called out for the Dragonslayers, for Jajuka, for Allen and even her mother. The content of her dreams she did not know, so she didn't know why she'd needed them so desperately. But now her mind was startlingly clear--her memories had solidified, so that she recalled faces and events without effort. Without wanting to. There were so many joys she had forgotten from her childhood--simple things that Dilandau enjoyed, like sneaking out of the barracks at night. The thrill of riding in a guymelef for the first time. The pride of receiving command of and naming the Dragonslayers. But on the heels of every happy or pleasant memory was another that made her blood run cold. She remembered all the people she'd killed, the homes she'd destroyed--the failure of leading her comrades to die. The pain of the sorcerers needles, the fear of losing her sanity, the sickening pleasure of the hunt--they all swirled inside her, and she could not ignore her guilt.
She'd spent all of the second day confined in her room, trying to ignore the celebrations outside announcing the return of Fanelia's king. She refused all company except for the sorcerer, Kolaf Driffth--it was from him that she learned the truth and intent behind her manipulation. That day was a day of acceptance, of awakening.
The third day she finally allowed her brother to stay with her, and he did the best to console her wounded spirits. Jovey was there as well, lending a friendly ear as she spilled forth all her grievances. They took great care with her, though she noticed that they were doing their best to avoid the subject of Van and Hitomi. She was grateful for that.
Tomorrow they would return to Asturia. Jovey would come with them--he had insisted on it, not because of his duty toward Dilandau, but to make up for his part in the events that had taken place. It was rumored that Van and Hitomi had not left each other's presence for a moment upon reaching Gaea--whether the pair had arranged an engagement, however, was still up to speculation. Celena had not seen them to ask. In fact, she was fearful of their reaction to here should they meet again.
And so there Celena rested, accompanied only by the insensitive stars and Fanelia's dull night lights, fighting the impossible battle against her own frail heart. Had she been in a stronger frame of mind she might have noticed the footsteps approaching, or seen the figure that appeared on the balcony beside her. Some time passed, as the visitor watched the girl crying softly into her hands.
"Celena."
She started, lifted her head to see who had stumbled upon her. Her breath caught in her throat--it was Hitomi, dressed a flowing blue nightgown, her hair tied with ribbons. She looked much older than when Celena had seen her last--or more mature, at least. She was smiling the way a very old woman might smile, with wisdom and understanding.
Celena unconsciously drew away. Though she no longer felt the pain or nausea she had before attributed to the presence of the Dragons, she was unsure what to expect. Hitomi shouldn't have been smiling at her like that. She tried to speak, and couldn't.
"It's all right," Hitomi said softly, her eyes gentle. "You shouldn't cry like that anymore, Celena. No one blames you."
She gulped, and scrubbed at her eyes in shame. "I can't help it," she whispered. "It just hurts so much."
"It'll get easier. You've got a lot of people who care for you."
Celena nodded solemnly. Cautiously, she glanced at her companion. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you with Van?"
Hitomi sighed heavily, and stood. She set her elbows on the railing. "I just needed a break, I guess. I love Van, but I can't be with him every second of the day, can I? I need space." She turned her face upward, toward the sky, and her eyes dulled. "Besides, I wanted to see the Earth."
"The Phantom Moon?" Celena climbed to her feet and gazed at is as well. "It doesn't look as bright anymore."
"No, it doesn't." Hitomi sighed again in a nostalgic kind of way.
"Do you miss it?"
"Well, of course. But I have a new life now." She turned to face the blonde girl and smiled that same, mystifying smile. "Kind of like you."
Celena frowned at her. "I've heard this speech from Brother already," she murmured. "Dr. Driffth says that I might be able to make my own destiny now, because I've rejected the old one, but I don't know what to do." She wrapped herself in her arms. "I don't even know if I deserve to be alive right now. Shouldn't you hate me?"
Hitomi stared at her, startled by the abrupt inquiry. "No. I don't hate you. Why should I, when it wasn't your fault?"
"But…." She shook her head in frustration. Hitomi didn't understand--no one did. If she lived happily, if she erased her past, then why did all those people have to die? It was all such a waste….
"Celena, you can't keep blaming yourself," Hitomi said, placing her hand gently on the girl's shoulder. "You've had enough. We all deserve a second chance for happiness--look at Jovey. He was a Zaibach just like you, and Van spared his life. If Jovey didn't take that chance, he would have never found you again."
"Then this wouldn't have happened," she replied. "Any of it."
"And then I wouldn't be here, either." The girl smiled ironically. "There are two sides to every story, Celena. Van hurt a lot of people by protecting me. There are consequences to everything we do. You'll have plenty of time to regret the things you do on purpose, let alone the things you couldn't help," she added with a grin.
Celena couldn't help but chuckle at that. "I suppose you're right," she murmured.
"Of course," the girl declared, having gained back a bit of her old spirit. "You've got a remarkable brother and a good friend who cares for you. And Van and I care for you. We all went through a lot of trouble to get you back here safe, so we expect you to be happy."
Celena stared at her, wondering if she should believe. Hoping that she could believe. She turned to gaze at the kingdom that slept below them. "I destroyed this kingdom once," she whispered, watching the few tiny people that still traversed the darkened streets. "But I brought you and Van together, in a way. Please, for my sake, make these people happy. Then we won't owe each other anything."
Hitomi nodded. "Yes. I will, if you take care of Allen-san and Jovey for me."
"Of course." Celena took in a deep breath, filling her lungs with the rich scent of her blue planet. I really do want to be happy. Then she turned to Hitomi, and smiled. "Thank you."
*whew* Finally finished! I hope you all liked it, and thanks for the support. Let me know what you thought!