Part 2
by
Gethsemane
Disclaimers: I decided to write a part two because it came to me
in a dream. Because I do not wish to lessen the message of the first one,
I am including some tips on Constructive Criticism. I have this info from
the SLU Writing Center, where I work. I do not know the source, if anyone
does, let me know.
"Moron." she said, and walked out of the room.
"Jes! Wait!" James yelled, rubbing a towel through his hair.
"C'mon!" Meowth whined, "We had you goin' dere for a minute!" He jumped down from the hook in the shower stall and began to clean his fur.
"Not at all," Jessie sighed, "You guys get worse every year!" She turned around and came back in.
"But, we've been planning this since last year!" James whined.
"Well, I figured that..." Jessie said.
"Yeesh! You are just no fun at all. Still, ya looked freaked when James went on his rampage..." Meowth said.
"Well, I'm in no mood for practical jokes today!" Jessie huffed. "James, I need to talk to you. Meowth, can you wait in the bathroom?"
"Uh, sure..." Meowth said. He went into the bathroom, closed the door, and put his ear to the door.
"James," Jessie said, as she began pacing in front of him, "Remember New Years? When we went to that party at Butch and Cassidy's?"
"Well..." said James, he remembered dancing a strip-tease with a lampshade on his head and Jessie dragging him out of the room by his ear. "Sort of."
"Do you remember anything that happened after the party?" Jessie said.
"Not really," said James, feeling slightly uncomfortable.
"Well, at first I was glad of that, but...well...something has come up..." Jessie looked really uncomfortable. James turned pale. He could only think of a couple things that could happen as a result of being blind drunk. He was almost positive that Jessie had driven home, so he couldn't have hit anyone. He doubted that he was a violent drunk, so he didn't think he'd hit hurt her. That only left...
"You were rather...uh, happy when we got home. You were actually being quite seductive, and against my better judgement...well, you know," she said, glancing at the bed. James was silently kicking himself.
"Arrgh! I can't believe I missed it! Waaahhh!" his mind screamed. Suddenly, the past two months flashed before him. Jessie had been tired a lot. She'd been sick a lot, too. Uh-oh.
"Well, I went to the doctor last week...and again today and well..." The bathroom door burst open and Meowth fell out.
"Uh....sorry!" he said, looking embarrassed. Jessie glared at Meowth.
"Well, I guess you'd find out too, eventually." Jessie said.
"You're...you're....you're...." James mumbled.
"In trouble!" yelped Meowth. Jessie began to cry.
"Oh! Oh, Jessie! Don't cry!" cried James, "It'll be alright! We'll be alright."
"No, It's not alright!" Jessie cried. " I'm too young. I don't want a kid right now!"
"But, but, I'll help! I'll be here...and Meowth, too."
"Yeah." said Meowth.
"Well, I've already made the decision, James. I'm not having this baby."
"No! No! Ya can't do dat!" Meowth yelled.
"Meowth's right!" James said.
"I can do whatever I want!" yelled Jessie, "It's April Fools Day!" James and Meowth were going to yell something back, but all of the sudden they both sweat-dropped and fell over. Jessie fell back on the bed giggling.
"Gotcha! Morons!" she giggled.
The End.
Yeah, it's stupid. It just hit me out of the blue. Anyway, the last story had a moral. This one doesn't, but I do have some good tips for criticism from my Creative Writer's Group:
The Critique Process
Doing so would likely bias your review. The author would much prefer your unbiased and fresh impression.
Write down your impressions as a reader.
Was the story captivating from the very first few paragraphs? Did you enjoy reading it? What type of person would this story appeal to?
Try to give feedback on what could be changed.
Remember, the purpose of writing a critique is twofold: (1) identify the weaknesses in the piece and (2) offer some constructive advice to the author that might lead to improvement in the story. To just bash the story without providing something useful to the author is not really being professional.
Give examples of improvements, if possible.
When you give an example of a better way to do what you pointed out, you make your point much clearer to the author. As they say, 'an example is worth a thousand words'.
Praise where praise is due.
Did you remember to add some positive comments on the piece, where the author did something you thought was very good?
"I feel I have a decent critical eye. But when I think I see a touchdown, I cheer. That's feedback, too. Why should all the mistakes find their targets, but the successes meet with only silence--leaving the poor writer, who has poured out her/his heart, with nothing but: no, no, no, ... As critiquers, don't we have a responsibility to not only point out what needs changing, as we see it, but also what worked and why, so the writer WON'T change it and will be encouraged to produce more of the same?" - J. R. Lankford (Jilla).
"We all need to be told where we are very good as well as where we are very, very bad. We cannot grow, otherwise." - Pete Murphy
"I think there's a sometimes overlooked purpose in critiquing and that is to identify the strengths in a story as well, to offer encouragement and positive reinforcement in regard to those strengths, thereby preventing the possibility that the author will change, for the worse, those things that make the story good." - Debra Littlejohn Shinder
Never criticize the author personally. Focus your attention on the story as written.
Critique as you would want to be critiqued.
Ask yourself before you post or mail a critique: Is this an example
of the way I would like to be treated?
The Checklist (things to look for)
Remember, some stories are meant to be fun and silly or just plain stupid. Remember this when you read. If it is obvious, there is no need to criticize it.
Do the first few sentences or paragraphs of the story grab your attention? Do they present the protagonist's main problem? Remember how you judge a book or story when you first see it in a bookstore. Don't we often base our decision to buy or not buy upon those first few sentences? Did this author grab your attention fast enough?
Conflict
By conflict, I do not mean lots of slam-bam action. Conflict is "The mental or moral struggle caused by incompatible desires and aims. That is the kind of conflict that makes stories vitally alive." - Ben Bova in "The Craft of Writing Science Fiction That Sells".
Is there emotional conflict WITHIN the main character? Between the main characters? Emotional conflict is part of what gets readers interested. For example: love vs. loyalty; greed vs. duty; fear vs. desire; revenge vs. self-doubt.
Are there too many or not enough conflicts?
"The writer's job is to be a troublemaker! Stir up as many levels of conflict and problems for your protagonist (hero) as you can. Let one set of problems grow out of another. And never, never, never solve a problem until you've raised at least two more. It is the unsolved problems that form the chain of promises that keeps the reader interested." - Ben Bova.
Until the end, of course, when all the conflicts should be resolved.
Is there enough conflict between the characters? Is it expressed through action, dialogue, attitudes, or values? Were the characters sufficiently contrasted? Or did they seem to be totally satisfied with their roles? Did they have the potential to transform each other?
Plot
Was the main plot clear and believable?
Did the main character have a clearly defined problem to solve? Did you feel by the end of the piece that this problem was solved or did the character become resolved to live with it?
Were you able to determine the time and place of the story quickly enough?
Did the story start at the right place? Did it end at the right place in the plot?
Are there scenes which do not seem to further the plot?
Were there too many flashbacks, which broke your attention?
If the piece was a short story, were there too many subplots?
Was every subplot useful? Did it add to the overall story or did the author seem to stick it in just for complexity?
Pacing: Did the plot/subplots move fast enough to keep the reader's attention?
Resolution of conflict: Did the conflict and tension in the plots and subplots come to some reasonable ending? Or did the author leave us hanging, wondering what happened? When you finished, were there things that you still felt needed to be explained?
If the author did leave some conflict unresolved, did they indicate somewhere that future stories are pending?
Setting
Is there enough description of the background in the story to paint a picture that seems real enough for the reader? Did you feel that you were transported to 'that time or place'?
Was there too much description so modern readers might tend to become bored? Was the description written with cliches?
Did the author use good enough names for people, places, and things? Names help set the tone for a story. Where some names of people hard to keep track of? Did some names seem inconsistent with the character? Were the names too stereotypical?
"The reader would have a tough time imagining a two-fisted hero named Elmer Small, but James Retief comes across just fine as a hero in Keith Laumer's stories. Similarly, Bubbles La Toure is hardly the name of a saintly nun, whereas Modesty Blaise is a sexy and intriguing name for a female counterpart of James Bond." - Ben Bova.
Did the author convince you that people in that time or place would behave that way?
Is the timing and order of events in the story consistent? For example, did John drive his new car on his vacation in chapter six but it wasn't until chapter ten that he bought it?
Characterization
Were the facts about the characters accurate and consistent?
"It's very important in building characters to make sure your 'facts' are accurate and consistent. If you mention in chapter two that your sister's birth sign is Leo, and then in chapter twelve, you have her celebrating her birthday during a snowfall (unless she lives at the north pole [or in the southern hemisphere]), credibility will be lost. Even if the reader doesn't key in on exactly 'what' is wrong with the picture, he/she will have a disquieting sense that 'something' is." - Debra Littlejohn Shinde
Was the story out of character? If so, were the characters shown in this light consistently enough and with enough reason to make the story believable?
People do not exist in a vacuum. They have family, friends, a job, worries, ambitions, etc. Did you get a sense of enough of these, but not too much, for the main characters?
Did you get a good picture of the culture, historical period, location, and occupation of the main character?
Did you get enough of a sense of paradoxes within the character? Enough of their emotions, attitudes, values?
Backstory: where you distracted by too much background information of a character at one time? Did the author seem to dump a lot of information on the background of a character in one or two long speeches, or did we learn about that character here and there in smaller pieces?
Did the protagonist undergo some change in the story?
Could the story have been improved by adding more details of the protagonist's or another character's reputation; stereotyped beliefs; their network of relations to other people; habits and patterns; talents and abilities; tastes and preferences; or physical description of their body?
Does each chapter/page have enough sensory description?
Can the reader easily sense what is happening physically to the main character? Were there enough words of sight, sound, touch, smell, or taste?
If the story used a person as the antagonist (villain), did they seem real too? Or did they seem so evil or one-sided that they were more like ideal villains? Did they have some redeeming qualities too? Did the villain seem to be a hero in their own mind?
Every reader has their own taste in how much characterization they like. Did this story have too little or too much characterization for you?
Dialogue
Was there too much or not enough dialogue, in your opinion? Usually writers err on the side of not enough dialogue.
Did any character tend to talk in long monologues?
Were you able to sense the conflict, attitudes, and intentions of each character in their dialogue without the author telling you of these directly?
Were you able to detect any exchange of power that is sexual, physical, political, or social?
Did the dialogue seem easy to speak? Can you 'hear' it? If it sounds unusual, you might suggest that the writer try reading it aloud.
Does the dialogue seem TOO MUCH like normal speech, with too many incomplete sentences, pauses, restarts, profanity, clichés, etc. that it was distracting?
Did the author use dialect that was too heavy, making it difficult to read?
Does each character have their own speech rhythm, accent (if necessary), vocabulary, and even length of sentences?
In an exchange of conversation, can you easily tell who is speaking if you didn't have their names or gender attached to their sentences?
Point of View
Was a given chapter or section written from one person's point of view? Are there too many points of view in the story?
Did the story skip around between the first person or third person point of view (POV)? Were the changes in POV signaled clearly? There is nothing inherently wrong in changing POV, as long as it is not done too often.
If the story was written in the third person POV, as most stories are, did the story stick with the omniscient (all knowing) POV, use a limited POV (where we don't know everyone's motives except by clues from their words or actions), or did the author mix the two? Did the author's choice seem right to you?
"The key point is to get the reader to engage in a contract in which the writer offers: 'I'm not going to show you everything in the character's head because that would spoil the story for you. Instead, I will reveal things as we go along but I promise that I won't cheat.'" - Trevor Lawrence
When the POV changed, were you able to quickly sense who the new viewpoint was from?
Show versus tell
When in the POV of a character, did the author describe what his/her senses showed, e.g., sight, sound, smell, touch, taste? Or did the author just tell you the dinner was very good?
Did the author describe exactly how the people acted?
Was there too much abstract language where specific details would have made a greater impact on the reader?
Was there too many instances of words like "very", "much", "really", "great", or "nice" when a more detailed description would have been more colorful?
Did we get the chance to interpret what the characters were feeling or did the author just tell us directly? For example, I once wrote: "Two weeks later, after more hours than he cared to remember, Jet felt very, very tired" and let it go at that and missed the opportunity to describe his fatigue instead.
Format of the text
Was it easy to read or were the paragraphs too long or the lines too long (not enough margin)?
Would it help to put blank lines between paragraphs? If the piece is to be read on a computer monitor, adding a blank line between paragraphs will make it much easier for your critics to read. Note: when you submit the final version to print publishers, it is best to adhere to their manuscript format (no blank lines between paragraphs).
Grammar and spelling
Was the English readable? Were there too many grammatical errors, misuse of punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.?
Did you point out any typos or misspelling? How many times have you missed that in your writing because you passed over it without seeing it? Were there so many such errors that they made reading the piece difficult for you?
Did the author use too many exclamation points (one of my weaknesses)?
Where there any clichés in the narrative? For example, I once wrote "fruits of mother nature" and "thoughts burning in his mind", both of which are clichés. In dialogue clichés are okay if the character would speak that way.
Did the author use melodrama? For instance, I once wrote: "With tears in her eyes and barely able to speak, the head nurse dialed the Chief of Staff. There would be a lot of crying tonight." Can't you just hear the violins in the background?
Style
You may wish to comment on the style the story was written in, e.g., humorous, wordy, sparse, literary, homespun, technical, etc.
Some tips
Let the author know if this is not your favorite type of story.
This may help them better understand your viewpoint. Things you do not like in the story may very well appeal to a fan of that genre.
"But don't be afraid to critique something, even if it's 'outside your genre'. There are certain things that are important to ALL types of fiction, and any good writer/critiquer should be able to pick them out. I get some of my best critiques from people who 'never read science fiction'." - Joan Shapiro
Read how other critiques are done.
"I think reading critiques in general -- perhaps about other unrelated stories -- can help a new critic see how it's done. For example, I agree to critique a story -- and because I don't know any better, I spout off personal preferences ("I don't like female heroines!" or "Do you really have to use religious imagery? Religion turns me off." -- when those things may be central to the story and nothing more than my own tastes). Reading good critiques may help a newbie learn that a pro offers objective advice about more tangible problems (character development, grammar, advancing the plot, use of dialogue)." - Anthony Boyd
Consider the target readers.
Do you as a critic have a good idea of the type of readers this author was writing for? Before you criticize something that you may not like personally, ask yourself: who are the readers this author wants to write for? Is this appropriate for that audience?
Give your relevant experiences (optional).
If you have some experience or knowledge that is very relevant to a
comment of yours, you might mention it. For instance, when I found the
description of a device in a computer to be in error, I pointed it out
to the author, suggested an alternative that would be more plausible to
computer sophisticated readers, and qualified my comments by telling her
of my years of computer experience. By the way, she thanked me.
For Writers
Critique yourself before you post.
Use the checklist from above to check your story. Of course, some stories are meant to be silly, fun, or stupid and readers should acknowledge this.
Accept criticism gracefully.
Realize that some people will be blunt. Take the advice and use it. Don't get offended when someone says, "Get a dictionary!" Sure, they could have stated it more tactfully, but it is still advice. Check your spelling.
Ask questions.
If you are unsure what people mean, ask them to clarify and give examples.
Confront people that hurt your feelings.
Ask them why they made the comments they did. Why did they think the story was stupid? Do this over email. There is no need to have these discussions over the message boards.
Stand up to flamers.
Don't worry about them or let them upset you. Don't sink to their level, but you can respond. "Duh! It was supposed to be stupid!" or "Oh, really? What have you written lately?".
Remember, Fanfiction.net is a free access site.
People of all ages and intellects come to this site and they all may
comment. Take flames with a grain of salt.
Above all else
Have fun. Of course you don't always have to be serious when you write or review. These tips are just for people who want serious help in their writing and criticism.
I am just passin' on some helpful info!