Chapter 10
Katie
We waited and waited, and still Cassie did not show up. It had been two days since Illarim had fed. Cassie had to come.
Finally, she did. Around four o'clock, she took over guarding me. Emily had had the previous shift. Illarim made me sit there, seemingly uninterested in everything until Emily had been gone about fifteen minutes.
May I talk to her? I asked.
I suppose so, Illarim said.
"Cassie?" I said slowly. "I need to talk to you."
She looked up from the book she was reading. "I'm listening."
I took a deep breath. "If anyone would understand, it's you. This is Katie speaking. The real Katie. I don't want Illarim to die. He and I are friends."
"How am I supposed to know you're telling the truth?" she asked skeptically.
I started to say something, but Illarim stopped me. "This is Illarim now. Get a glass of water. I will be able to survive in water for a while. Then you can talk to Katie and you will know for sure that I am not the one who is speaking. "
Cassie said nothing for a moment. "Okay," she said finally. She moved to where they had stored some food and water for the three days that I was going to be held in the shed. She got a large cup and filled it with bottled water. "Here."
Cassie untied my hands so that I could hold the glass. I took the glass and held it to my ear so that Illarim could crawl out. Wish me luck, I told him. I set the cup down where it wouldn't get bumped.
"There," I said. "I knew the others wouldn't understand, but I thought you might. I was a voluntary controller. Because I pitied the Yeerks. I mean, the Yeerks aren't all bad. A lot of them just want to see and hear and taste and experience all those things we take for granted. I thought I could at least make a difference for one Yeerk."
Cassie nodded understandingly at the end of my little speech. "But what about the fact that the Yeerks are trying to enslave the human race?"
"That's wrong. But they can't really help it. They don't know any other way. Yeerks like Visser 1 make them think slavery is their only option."
"We're going to have to tell the others," Cassie said.
"I know."
"Jake has the next shift. We should tell him next."
"Yeah," I said, hoping the others wouldn't react the way I expected them to.
Illarim
I left Katie's head and sat in the glass of water for some time. All I could do was think.
After a time, I felt the glass rise. I swam to the surface of the liquid until I felt the ear canal. I squished and squeezed my way in and was soon completely connected with Katie's brain.
How did it go? I asked nervously.
Katie almost spoke in a sigh. Mission accomplished. Well, so far. Jake is gonna be here soon to take over. Let's hope the others understand too. Can I say one more thing to Cassie?
Certainly, I said.
Thanks. She told me. "Cassie? This is Katie. Can you maybe stay here a little after Jake comes? I just think you might be able to help me explain. He trusts you."
Cassie smiled gently, but at the same time looked a little embarrassed. "Sure."
I guess that now we just wait, I said to Katie.
Yeah. I guess so.
The next several hours passed slowly. I was beginning to feel the effects of my lack of Kandrona. I still had about twelve hours before starvation would occur. I tried to hide my growing hunger from Katie. She did not need to become even more nervous.
Chapter 11
Katie
As the minutes went by, I grew more and more nervous. *It's only Jake,* I kept telling myself. *It's no big deal. You told Cassie. You can tell Jake now.*
What I was most worried about was that Jake would have to tell Rachel and Marco as well. Maybe I shouldn't have read each of the Animorph books at least 4 times. I just couldn't help thinking about that scene in #19. You know the one. Cassie becomes a voluntary Controller to save Karen. And then Marco says... Marco says, "You're a fool, Cassie. Now it's not the little girl who may have to die. It's *you.*"
I had that line running through my head, over and over and over again. And then of course when *Rachel* finds out.. Well, she just plain goes ballistic. They don't much like voluntary controllers.
Both Illarim and Cassie were silent as we waited. Cassie worked on some homework. When I had read the books, I'd always wondered how they did homework when they were so busy fighting Yeerks. Now I knew. It was done in short spurts, whenever they had a couple minutes. Do a few problems here, read a paragraph there.
Since I was untied, I could turn my hand to look at my watch. Illarim allowed me this freedom most of the time. I was so nervous, I was looking at my watch every two or three minutes. I tried to look again, but Illarim stopped me.
Why won't you let me look at my watch? I demanded.
Whether or not you look at your watch isn't going to affect how soon Jake gets here, He pointed out. It just makes you more nervous. Relax. He'll get here soon enough.
He made me take deep, slow breaths and tried to slow my heart rate to help calm me. But just because I didn't show the typical signs of nervousness, it didn't mean I wasn't nervous.
After what seemed an eternity, I heard footsteps nearing the shed. This is it, I muttered. The door creaked slowly open and Jake walked in.
He grinned. "Hi Cassie. Did you have a good- Wait a minute. What is she doing untied?" His friendly tone turned to the decisive, determined, leader-like tone I'd always imagined him using.
"It's all right," Cassie said quickly. "We'll explain everything." She looked at me. "Right Katie?"
"Right," my voice answered. I was way too nervous to say anything.
"I'll explain," Illarim made me say before Cassie could say anything. "Katie was a voluntary controller. She decided to become a host. She was aware of the Yeerks and the Sharing long before she ever attended a Sharing meeting."
Illarim
"I was not exactly willing to work towards friendship at first, but somehow I grew to like Katie. We now have a sort of symbiotic relationship."
Like the Iskoort, Katie added.
What? I asked.
The Iskoort. Book #26.
Oh. I didn't have time to look at her memories to discover what she knew about that particular book at that moment.
Cassie and Jake were at the other side of the shed, talking quietly to each other.
"We're going outside to talk," Jake said. "Don't try to go anywhere. Ax is going to make sure you don't."
The Andalite walked into the shed as Jake and Cassie left, his tail poised and ready. Don't try anything, Yeerk, he said. You know there is no way for you to escape.
I sighed. "You can relax, Andalite. I'm not going to try anything."
Ax made no answer, and did not relax.
Hey, Ax-man! How's it going in there?
I think that's Tobias, Katie said. He must be outside.
The Andalite made no answer. Rather, he probably answered in private thought speak so I couldn't overhear.
Katie
Cassie came back inside. "Where's Jake?" Illarim made me ask.
"He went to get the others," Cassie said.
Ask her how it went, I said.
"Katie wishes to know how it went," my voice said.
Cassie bit her lip. "I'm not sure... He seemed kind of skeptical, but I guess that really makes sense. Marco and Rachel are gonna flip when he tells them."
Can I talk a bit? I asked.
Sure.
"This is Katie. I figured they would. Rachel, definitely. Marco not quite as much, but he will too."
Cassie looked surprised.
"I know how they'll act," I said. "I've read your books so many times it's like I've known you guys forever, even though I just met you. That's how I knew about the Yeerks and stuff."
"Yeah," Cassie said with a grin. "I guess you probably know us better than we do ourselves."
I smiled back. "Probably."
Chapter 12
We didn't say anything until the others arrived about ten minutes later. They landed outside, demorphed, and came in. Tobias did not come inside, but he was probably in a tree nearby where he would still be able to hear everything.
Marco and Rachel were there. Jake must have explained the situation on the way over. Rachel had a look of shocked disbelief, almost incredulity. I could guess the reason: she couldn't believe anyone would willingly give up their freedom to a slug.
Marco had his anger well-hidden, but it was still there. What was most visible was the look of determination, like he had already figured out a plan as they flew over.
Emily was there too. She had a pained look on her face, like she couldn't believe it was really true. Like she couldn't believe her best friend would betray her. It ripped me apart.
I turned my face away from their probing stares. I don't think I can do this, I told Illarim.
Then I will, he said. Don't worry about it.
He turned my head to look back at the Animorphs. "I'm guessing Jake has already filled you in."
Emily nodded and took a step forward. "Why?" she said. "Why, Katie? Why?"
Her voice was choked with emotion. She couldn't even think of anything else to say except 'why.'
If Illarim hadn't been in control, I might have broken down and cried. But I needed to be in control. I needed to explain. I also needed to get a grip.
I need to talk, I told Illarim. *I* need to explain. Not you.
Are you sure you'll be okay? he asked.
No, I'm not sure. But I have to.
I understand.
I felt myself regain control. It's really a hard felling to describe, so you're just gonna have to use your imagination.
"I wasn't trying to hurt anyone," I said. "Especially not you, Emily."
"Well you already have," She answered.
"I know. And I know you'll probably never forgive me, either. But I also want you to know that I just wanted to help.
"Look, how would you all like it if you had to live your lives as slugs? You've been Yeerks before, you know what it's like. I just wanted to make a difference for one Yeerk. Give one Yeerk all the things it could only dream about, but we take for granted."
"That's all a very nice fantasy, Ms. Ghandi," Marco broke in. "But this is a war. They're trying to take away our homes. Our families-"
"Our friends," Emily added bitterly.
Marco nodded. "Our friends. You can't make peace with the enemy.- You can't make peace with slugs."
"Yes you can," I said softly. "Yes you can."
"Maybe somewhere else," Rachel said. "Maybe in another time. But not here. Not now."
I cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? Then what about Tidwell? Aftran? The entire Yeerk peace movement?"
No one said anything. "Well?" I pressed.
"That's different," Marco said, not convincing anyone.
"No, it's not different," I said. "There's no difference at all, it's just that you don't want that kind of peace. You want Yeerk-free peace, and you can't understand anyone who would want peace *with* the Yeerks."
"Ouch," Marco muttered, telling me my assumptions had been correct.
Chapter 13
Illarim
"I guess I can see where you're coming from," Jake admitted. "But if we do let you go, how are we supposed to know you're not gonna go running back to Visser 1 to tell him all you know?"
Your turn, Katie told me. I took control of her again.
"You can't," I told them. "There's no way for you to be sure. All I can give is my word."
Marco snorted. "Who's gonna trust the word of a Yeerk?"
"I am," Cassie said.
"Surprise, surprise," Marco muttered.
"Marco..." Rachel growled warningly.
I held up Katie's hands. "Um, look guys... I'm not trying to start a civil war or anything. Okay?"
"She's right," Jake said. "We need to stop with the bickering," here he looked meaningfully at Rachel and Marco, "And get back to the main issue. Which is: What are we going to do with Illarim?"
Marco said, "It's my opinion that there is only one option as to what we should do."
I agree with Marco, Ax said.
"Opinions have been noted and filed," Jake responded. "Are there any other suggestions?"
No one said anything for a while. "Why don't we ask Katie what she thinks we should do?" Cassie suggested.
Jake nodded and looked at me. I said nothing for a moment. I looked at them sadly. "This is Illarim, not Katie. I think we should do as Marco and the Andalite have suggested. They're right; it's your only option. It's been nice while it lasted, but I respect your desire for freedom. I don't know if it will work, but you should kill me and continue your fight against us."
NOO! Katie cried. Are you insane?! There's got to be *something* else we can do. There's got to be a better way.
I can't think of any, I told her. And I honestly don't believe you can either. The others obviously can't. Look what my species has done to yours! We've enslaved you, cruelly and mercilessly. You have every right to hate us! You should be trying to force us from earth. Very few Yeerks want peace.
But *you* do. Should we kill you for your kindness? For your desire for peace?
There's nothing else you can do. Unless you decide to just give up your fight against us. If you conquered us, I would likely be killed anyway.
There's got to be some other way, Katie moaned sorrowfully.
I wish there was, I whispered. I really wish there was.
Katie
He couldn't be serious! There was no way! But he was, and I couldn't think up another plan, either.
Please let me talk to them, I said sadly.
Sure.
"Guys?" I said hesitantly. "This is Katie. There's got to be a better way. Some option we missed. Some plan we didn't think of. Something. Anything!"
I felt my eyes start to get teary. I blinked hard, trying to fight them back. Cassie put an arm around my shoulder.
"Don't worry," she whispered. "We'll think of something."
Whatever we decide, it's got to be done soon, Illarim said. I'll really need to regenerate in a few hours, or else...
Had it really been that long? I looked at my watch, startled. Yeah, I guess it had.
Suddenly, I had an idea. "Why couldn't we join the peace movement?"
The others had been talking quietly, some not so quietly, among themselves. They turned around to look at me.
Emily said, "No. It's too dangerous. I don't want Katie to get hurt."
Jake said softly to her, "It's her decision. Not yours." To me he said, "I suppose that you could, but like Emily said, it would be dangerous."
Illarim cut me off before I could say anything. "Illarim again. I'm in just as much danger *out* of the peace movement as I would be *in* it. I've already become friends with my host. If anyone found out, it would not go over well."
Jake nodded. "That's true. It's your decision. I'll let you decide what to do."
Marco practically exploded. "You're just gonna let her leave? You're gonna let her run on over to Visser 1 and turn us in?"
Jake turned to him. "I don't think she's going to do that."
"How can you be sure?"
"I can't. But we'll let Katie, the real Katie, decide what she wants to do. We're here to save ourselves and our friends and make people aware of the Yeerks. If people want to become Controllers, that's *their* choice. Not mine."
Marco said nothing, but seemed to accept Jake's decision.
Illarim and I discussed the situation. Luckily, once a good plan had been proposed, he wasn't so set on Kandrona starvation.
I nodded at Jake. "I think that's what we're going to do. We're going to join the peace movement."
They gave me information about how I could contact Mr. Tidwell, one of the controllers who was in the peace movement.
"Meeting adjourned," Jake said.
I looked at them all, knowing it would likely be the last time I ever saw them. "Goodbye. It was nice meeting all of you."
I turned and walked from the shed, out into the cool fall afternoon. The sun was just beginning to go down. As I headed back towards civilization, I heard someone call me from the shed. I turned to look. It was Emily.
"Katie?" Emily said. She smiled. The setting sun behind her was sending red, orange and gold rays of light on her and on the ground. "Katie... I just wanted you to know that I forgive you."
With that she smiled again, gave a parting wave, turned, and walked into the setting sun.