Secrets-The Confession
by Moi
A/N: This is sappy...I wasn't going to continue this...oh well...I did...=P *that's my new favorite smiley*
It is time. I have decided. I cannot live with this charade any longer...my heart aches for Draco. He will be shattered from the very recesses of his soul if I do this...but I must. He would despise me even more if I confessed. I walk down the corridor, looking about at the faded portraits on the wall. I imagine what they might be saying about me...
Stupid...
Weak...
Treacherous...
Yes, that's what I am. I haven't got the spine to fess up to Draco. Andromeda's door looms ever closer. I ease it open and my sister throws herself on me, sobbing. I remember all those times we cried in each other's arms in our childhood. After one of us had been beaten, after being sent off to Hogwarts and having a sudden attack of homesickness, after graduating...we have spent many tears on each other.
She asks me in a whisper if I really want to do it. I do. I have to. Why not? Nobody would care.
I roughly break the embrace and stagger out the door, continuing down the hall...I imagine again the scorn of the portraits...I stop on a picture of Lucius Malfoy...and Narcissa...just a family portrait...Draco is less than a year old...It's the real Lucius. Not me. The fraud. The fake. I'm just standing in for him, as Andromeda is for Narcissa.
Ironic, I think, smiling wryly, how my real name happens to be Luci. Luci-us. One of the Miseria twins. Luci and Annie...we were never seen apart. But now I am departing this Earth without Andromeda.
I reach a balcony. The soft summer breeze ruffles my hair, bringing back fond memories of my father in the few moments when he showed affectino for the two of us...tears sting the corners of my eyes. It burns.
For only a moment, I wish I could stand here forever, the breeze before me and the wall behind me, and the spectacular beauty of the Night below me. The stars above, beckoning at me to come and join them, the soft mists rising from the ground, asking me to come sweep across the grass every evening with them...
I open my eyes, not realizing I drifted off into daydreaming. Even nature is telling me what to do now. I realize something, with a cold, bitter surge of anger. I have lived my entire life for someone else.
I was always the cold, aloof, pureblooded girl, in school, brash as a boy. In reality, my soul is lonely, cramped, imprisoned, soured. I have no negative feelings for muggles or muggle-borns. My father forced my sister and I to be him.
Then I was tempted by the Dark Arts. Voldemort had promised so much to the Death Eaters...he had promised he would take away our guilt, our pain, our conscience.
I threw my heart, mind, and soul into it. I was so desperate for something to take my mind off my wretched youth that I barely realized Voldemort had total control over his minions at the height of his power. We couldn't resist him.
I was forced to kill the Malfoys, and quite ready to...I killed Lucius, killed Narcissa, and...then Draco...my heart went out to him, whatever was left of it. I couldn't take his life, that sweet, innocent, little thing.
He'd never had parents, never had friends, never actually lived. I took the matter to Andromeda, who sullenly agreed, and we raised Draco as our own for fourteen years.
Fourteen years was enough. I had spent my life acting, speaking, and living for someone else. I'm finally going to do something especially for me.
I climb up on the railing of the balcony, surveying the Night. I look up, just in time to see a comet. They say a comet appears when someone dies. The comet is early, in that case...once I'm off, there's no going back...I didn't bring my wand, no Levitation Charms for me...I shut my eyes, my entire body shaking, sweat gushing out of every pore, and...then...I crouch, readying myself to jump...
"Father?"
Draco's thin, curious voice startles me out of my concentration. I turn around, trying to look angry, but only exposing the emotions I have tangled with for fourteen plus years...I can't face him now...I fall rather than jump...my life flashes before my eyes...I can feel my body crumpling in on itself. The impact of the ground against me is dull, muffled. I'm not sure which one of us is more frightened about this...Draco, definitely. As far as he knows, that's his biological father about to jump off a balcony and kill himself.
I only manage to stay conscious long enough to see Draco disappear downstairs...the wind blows, the mists swirl, the stars shimmer, and my world dissolves into blackness.
My eyes flutter open. I'm afraid to look around, mortified I might come face-to-face with the Dark One. I muster up all my courage and glance at my surroundings, realizing...my heart sinks...I'm still alive. It didn't work. I'm in bed, upstairs, with Draco doing something off in the corner. He turns around and kneels down by me.
"All right," he says softly, not sounding remotely irritated, merely sounding like he means business. "What were you doing up on the balcony in the dead of night ready to jump?'' I'm about to make up a wild yarn and try suicide again when I get back on my feet, but Draco dashes that possibility.
'I want the truth, now."
I grasp one of his hands and stroke it gently.
"Draco," I begin heavily, not knowing exactly where to start, "I'm not your father. That's the point."
Draco merely blinks, and nods for me to go on. How can he be so calm? I have this impending fear that he already knows the secret.
"Your real father is..."
"Dead?" he fills in for me. I nod, afraid to. He shifts in closer to me. "Go on," he rasps.
I swallow hard.
"Draco, I know you'll hate me forever for telling you this, but...I killed him. And your mother too. And I am a total stranger who was working for--" I catch myself, "You-Know-Who--"
"Call him Voldemort," says Draco, staring unblinkingly at me, interested yet oddly expressionless. Before I can go on, he plunges in, "and you took me in with someone pretending to be my mum and raised me as your son and figured you couldn't live with yourself and attempted to kill yourself, right?"
I just sit there in silence and nod weakly.
"I suppose you hate me now, too," I mutter, more to myself. "Everyone hates me. My sister, You-Know--okay, Voldemort, you..." I turn away from him. I just hope he'll end it all and kill me.
"No," he says softly, an odd thinness behind his voice now. "Why should I hate you? Didn't you take me in instead of letting me follow my parents into the hereafter?"
Well...what can I say to that? Draco believes I was doing him a favor. I think it over. Wouldn't he hate me for killing his parents? Draco seemingly reads my thoughts.
"I don't hate you," he reassures me, "I'm just glad you finally told me." He looks down at the ground, then back to me.
"I was worried, " he says, in less than a whisper, the corners of his eyes welling up. I feel a horrible wave of remorse wash over me. "I thought you were going to die." He throws his arms around me and starts sobbing. I hug him back.
"I don't want you to die..." His voice trails off, and he buries his head in my chest, his breathing coming in shallow threads. How could I? I think, silently berating myself. What would Draco have thought? He would have lived his life fatherless, never knowing why. I realize how incredibly lucky I was to have survived...is there still hope for me? Am I getting a second chance? It looks like it. I bend down and kiss Draco on the forehead. He looks up at me, still sniffling, the shock of finally hearing the truth now wearing off...we both know what the other is thinking:
"I love you."
THE END
A/N II: Sap! Fluff! Mush! Oh well...Did you like it? I know it was really sappy and way off the books...but...um...uh...I don't care, how's that? Read/Review! Please! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease review this! Please!
by Moi
A/N: This is sappy...I wasn't going to continue this...oh well...I did...=P *that's my new favorite smiley*
It is time. I have decided. I cannot live with this charade any longer...my heart aches for Draco. He will be shattered from the very recesses of his soul if I do this...but I must. He would despise me even more if I confessed. I walk down the corridor, looking about at the faded portraits on the wall. I imagine what they might be saying about me...
Stupid...
Weak...
Treacherous...
Yes, that's what I am. I haven't got the spine to fess up to Draco. Andromeda's door looms ever closer. I ease it open and my sister throws herself on me, sobbing. I remember all those times we cried in each other's arms in our childhood. After one of us had been beaten, after being sent off to Hogwarts and having a sudden attack of homesickness, after graduating...we have spent many tears on each other.
She asks me in a whisper if I really want to do it. I do. I have to. Why not? Nobody would care.
I roughly break the embrace and stagger out the door, continuing down the hall...I imagine again the scorn of the portraits...I stop on a picture of Lucius Malfoy...and Narcissa...just a family portrait...Draco is less than a year old...It's the real Lucius. Not me. The fraud. The fake. I'm just standing in for him, as Andromeda is for Narcissa.
Ironic, I think, smiling wryly, how my real name happens to be Luci. Luci-us. One of the Miseria twins. Luci and Annie...we were never seen apart. But now I am departing this Earth without Andromeda.
I reach a balcony. The soft summer breeze ruffles my hair, bringing back fond memories of my father in the few moments when he showed affectino for the two of us...tears sting the corners of my eyes. It burns.
For only a moment, I wish I could stand here forever, the breeze before me and the wall behind me, and the spectacular beauty of the Night below me. The stars above, beckoning at me to come and join them, the soft mists rising from the ground, asking me to come sweep across the grass every evening with them...
I open my eyes, not realizing I drifted off into daydreaming. Even nature is telling me what to do now. I realize something, with a cold, bitter surge of anger. I have lived my entire life for someone else.
I was always the cold, aloof, pureblooded girl, in school, brash as a boy. In reality, my soul is lonely, cramped, imprisoned, soured. I have no negative feelings for muggles or muggle-borns. My father forced my sister and I to be him.
Then I was tempted by the Dark Arts. Voldemort had promised so much to the Death Eaters...he had promised he would take away our guilt, our pain, our conscience.
I threw my heart, mind, and soul into it. I was so desperate for something to take my mind off my wretched youth that I barely realized Voldemort had total control over his minions at the height of his power. We couldn't resist him.
I was forced to kill the Malfoys, and quite ready to...I killed Lucius, killed Narcissa, and...then Draco...my heart went out to him, whatever was left of it. I couldn't take his life, that sweet, innocent, little thing.
He'd never had parents, never had friends, never actually lived. I took the matter to Andromeda, who sullenly agreed, and we raised Draco as our own for fourteen years.
Fourteen years was enough. I had spent my life acting, speaking, and living for someone else. I'm finally going to do something especially for me.
I climb up on the railing of the balcony, surveying the Night. I look up, just in time to see a comet. They say a comet appears when someone dies. The comet is early, in that case...once I'm off, there's no going back...I didn't bring my wand, no Levitation Charms for me...I shut my eyes, my entire body shaking, sweat gushing out of every pore, and...then...I crouch, readying myself to jump...
"Father?"
Draco's thin, curious voice startles me out of my concentration. I turn around, trying to look angry, but only exposing the emotions I have tangled with for fourteen plus years...I can't face him now...I fall rather than jump...my life flashes before my eyes...I can feel my body crumpling in on itself. The impact of the ground against me is dull, muffled. I'm not sure which one of us is more frightened about this...Draco, definitely. As far as he knows, that's his biological father about to jump off a balcony and kill himself.
I only manage to stay conscious long enough to see Draco disappear downstairs...the wind blows, the mists swirl, the stars shimmer, and my world dissolves into blackness.
My eyes flutter open. I'm afraid to look around, mortified I might come face-to-face with the Dark One. I muster up all my courage and glance at my surroundings, realizing...my heart sinks...I'm still alive. It didn't work. I'm in bed, upstairs, with Draco doing something off in the corner. He turns around and kneels down by me.
"All right," he says softly, not sounding remotely irritated, merely sounding like he means business. "What were you doing up on the balcony in the dead of night ready to jump?'' I'm about to make up a wild yarn and try suicide again when I get back on my feet, but Draco dashes that possibility.
'I want the truth, now."
I grasp one of his hands and stroke it gently.
"Draco," I begin heavily, not knowing exactly where to start, "I'm not your father. That's the point."
Draco merely blinks, and nods for me to go on. How can he be so calm? I have this impending fear that he already knows the secret.
"Your real father is..."
"Dead?" he fills in for me. I nod, afraid to. He shifts in closer to me. "Go on," he rasps.
I swallow hard.
"Draco, I know you'll hate me forever for telling you this, but...I killed him. And your mother too. And I am a total stranger who was working for--" I catch myself, "You-Know-Who--"
"Call him Voldemort," says Draco, staring unblinkingly at me, interested yet oddly expressionless. Before I can go on, he plunges in, "and you took me in with someone pretending to be my mum and raised me as your son and figured you couldn't live with yourself and attempted to kill yourself, right?"
I just sit there in silence and nod weakly.
"I suppose you hate me now, too," I mutter, more to myself. "Everyone hates me. My sister, You-Know--okay, Voldemort, you..." I turn away from him. I just hope he'll end it all and kill me.
"No," he says softly, an odd thinness behind his voice now. "Why should I hate you? Didn't you take me in instead of letting me follow my parents into the hereafter?"
Well...what can I say to that? Draco believes I was doing him a favor. I think it over. Wouldn't he hate me for killing his parents? Draco seemingly reads my thoughts.
"I don't hate you," he reassures me, "I'm just glad you finally told me." He looks down at the ground, then back to me.
"I was worried, " he says, in less than a whisper, the corners of his eyes welling up. I feel a horrible wave of remorse wash over me. "I thought you were going to die." He throws his arms around me and starts sobbing. I hug him back.
"I don't want you to die..." His voice trails off, and he buries his head in my chest, his breathing coming in shallow threads. How could I? I think, silently berating myself. What would Draco have thought? He would have lived his life fatherless, never knowing why. I realize how incredibly lucky I was to have survived...is there still hope for me? Am I getting a second chance? It looks like it. I bend down and kiss Draco on the forehead. He looks up at me, still sniffling, the shock of finally hearing the truth now wearing off...we both know what the other is thinking:
"I love you."
THE END
A/N II: Sap! Fluff! Mush! Oh well...Did you like it? I know it was really sappy and way off the books...but...um...uh...I don't care, how's that? Read/Review! Please! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease review this! Please!