The Weekly Digimon Report
I never said it had to be
good news.
Once again, we interrupt Spiderman Unlimited (not that you're watching it) to bring you this special announcement.
Lia can be seen sitting behind her desk with her feet propped up, reading a Sailor Moon Super. Willis, holding his clipboard and trying to keep his wallet out of Terriermon's reach, coughs and motions towards the camera.
"Oh, we're on? Hello, I'm Lia Agianna and this is the second edition of the Weekly Digimon Report. Thankfully, with the help of Paildramon, we were able to keep Nimoy and Buchholz at bay for at least this episode. So let's get started. This weekend there were only two new episodes, but they were good enough anyway. Let's get an episode review from Joe and make this snappy so I can get back to my manga. Joe, what's up Doc?"
Joe frowned at the comment, drumming his fingers on his desk.
"You're not funny, Lia. All right. Archnemon, also called Arukenimon, continued to drive everyone mental with her flute playing. The others were able to stop her musical onslaught, but she revealed her true digimon form and got wailed on. Mummymon bailed her out, being a mushy muffin, and they escaped in their yellow jeep, only to come back in the next episode and build Black Wargreymon. Cody fought with Ken, who Yolei slapped, and T.K. made jokes about his brother behind his back. Lia?"
"YOU DID WHAT?!" Lia screamed, getting out of her chair and smacking T.K. around. "YOU LITTLE BRAT! HOW DARE YOU! AFTER EVERYTHING HE'S DONE FOR YOU! I'LL TEACH YOU!!!"
"Lia! Give it a rest and get on with this!" Willis shouted.
"Sorry. Ahem." She went back to her desk, and T.K. headed off for a hospital. "Okay. Now we're going to our field reporter, Nicki, with an in-depth discussion with…Mummymon?! I thought we weren't doing any more villain interviews!"
"It's what the fans want."
"Hi there Lia, I'm here with Mummymon, our newest evil ultimate. Mummymon, any philosophies you'd like to impart upon our audience?" Nicki asked morosely.
"Just that I'd like to say hi to my little snugglebunny Archnemon. She's the light of my life and the destruction of the Digital World. And that I'd like to thank the American people for giving me a somewhat decent voice. I sound a tad like Phantomon, but who's to argue?"
"Yeah. Mummymon, one quick question I'm sure the audience at home is dying to know. Where did you guys get that Jeep?"
"It's a company car, I think. Anyway, get out of here, you lousy Digidestined before I have to blow you sky high!"
"Be glad to. Well, that was your in-depth interview with Mummymon. Back to you in the studio."
"IF YOU EVER MAKE ANY NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT HIM AGAIN I'LL SHOVE THAT STUPID HAT OF YOURS UP YOUR…oh, heheh, well, now I'd like to go over to Izzy, who did a little review on the Digimon website. Izzy, give us the straight story, and not in technical jargon, please?"
"Well, Lia, I'm highly disappointed in this site, but it's off Foxkids.com so you can't expect too much. The graphics are terrible and everything has the overall quality of being done by six-year-olds. But what really disturbs me is the character descriptions. According to the website, Joe is a twelfth grader, and Mimi is in the tenth grade? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but that would mean Joe is eighteen, which would have made him fourteen last season. And according to my calculations, last season Tai, Matt, and Sora were eleven, Mimi and I were ten, T.K. and Kari were eight, and Joe was twelve. So there. As of this season, Tai, Matt and Sora are fifteen, Mimi and I are fourteen, T.K and Kari are twelve and Joe is sixteen. Take that, Nimoy. Back to you, Lia."
"Great, Izzy. And to close everything up today, Sora Takenouchi with our episode analysis. Go ahead and give us your opinion, Sora."
"Right. This weekend's episodes were pretty good, considering the mess with the names. We've already determined that Arukenimon is an incredibly lame Americanized name for a very powerful digimon. But during that whole 'rag on Matt' scenario Yolei called his band 'Teenage Wolves.' Two weeks ago it was 'Young Wolves.' Are we having an identity crisis? Mummymon was cool for a villain, and I liked the way they did his personality, he's a really needed comic relief. Cody and Ken's antics were somewhat unnecessary and I'm sure Ken fans everywhere were appalled to see Yolei smack him. But if the kids needed the help so much, couldn't they have contacted us? I bet Matt and Tai could have made short work out of Black Wargreymon, not to mention me and the rest of the gang. And the younger kids got filthy and kept passing out. You didn't see too much of that in our day. Then again, you didn't see the Digidestined wanting to simply lock up the evil villains either. It's called defeating them, people? Ever hear of it?"
"Nice job, Sora. One more thing?"
"Yeah?"
"What's the deal with you and Matt? Episode 38 has everybody talking and…"
"As long as you're around, Matt's off limits, I get it. But I have a feeling there's going to be a little chemistry between he and I on the show. Will that be a problem?"
"No, it's cool with me. As long as my mother doesn't buy me that Matt throw pillow I'm all set."
"What throw pillow?" Matt asked, coming on set.
Lia blushed and picked up her manga. "Nothing, Yama-chan. This has been Lia Agianna with the Weekly Digimon Report. Tune in next week for more up-to-date coverage of all the new episodes. Thank you, good day, review."
"Yeah, or else Archnemon will get Mummymon to drive the Jeep over you," Matt added. "Was she trying to drown herself in the tub?"
Lia shrugged. "I don't know. Let's just close up and go home, I'm tired and my voice is still screwed up."
"Maybe Nimoy got to you."
"Not funny."
Meanwhile, in Dubber HQ…
"We have to stop that show from continuing, Bob."
"I know, Jeff. We're working on it, Jeff."
"Don't fail me, Bob. Or else, Bob."
"It won't happen, Jeff."
~*~