The Weekly Digimon Report
Annoying Nimoy Since 1999
While the hotties of the Digital World set up the soundstage…basically Tai giving orders and everyone following them…the girls were off doing makeup and wardrobe. Lia was sitting in her dressing room, with a bowl of Ramen noodles and her manga, in her usual Saturday morning outfit-jeans, a sweater, and socks (no shoes!). As she fiddled around with the fifty thousand brushes Mimi left on her dressing room table, a knock came to her door.
"Skip the formalities, what's up?"
Ken stuck his head in, a concerned look in his blue-violet eyes. "Willis says you've got five minutes…and Lia?"
"Yeah?"
"You're sure you haven't seen Davis since last week's report? I'm really getting worried that something bad happened to him."
"Eh, I'm betting something bad did happen, but if we go chase after him now that'll ruin the whole plot for the other reports…other than this news show. Don't worry, Ken-chan, we'll get Davis back soon. We need his madcap antics and yaoi-ness, otherwise the rest of the cast is straight as an arrow and just as sharp."
"Really? Gee, thanks."
"Anytime. Now get back to the sound booth before Izzy throws a fit and sics Kabuterimon on you."
No sooner did Ken leave when Shadowmon walked through the wall, a la Shadowcat of the X-Men.
"Lia, have you seen Nicki?"
"Not recently, why?"
"I can't find her and she owes me a pizza for not tearing up the furniture cuz ya know we live in that apartment all by ourselves cuz Nicki's an orphan and her foster daddy Kal is a complete loser and he lives in Nerima and she's not on the Pokémon payroll anymore except for syndicated episodes and furniture's expensive and…"
"All right, all right. Sheesh, Digidestined are disappearing faster than Siegfried and Roy's careers. Well, we don't have any interviews lined up for her for this weekend, so that's all set. Nose around the FOX exec's building; see what you can dig up, then report back after the report. All right?"
"Okay! Thanks, Lia, you're better at giving advice than Giles is to Buffy!"
Lia rolled her eyes as the little kitten digimon scampered off. "We've gotta cut back her TV time."
~*~
"Hello, I'm Lia Agianna…"
Matt coughed loudly offstage.
"What? Oh. Go ahead, just don't let any of your girl fans interrupt."
"Thank you." Matt came onstage and pulled up a chair. "And I'm Matt Ishida, and welcome to Week Four of the Weekly Digimon Report."
"Technically there were five episodes of Digimon this weekend, but three happened to be reruns, one being last week's 10:30 episode, and the other two are 01 leftovers."
"But who really gives a damn about chibi Digidestined battling Venommyotismon and his talking crotch?"
"So, let's get right to the episode recap with our very own Digimon of Courage, the king of the merchandise, Agumon."
Matt leaned over in his chair. "Why Agumon?" he muttered.
"Because we ran out of kids and Davis is still missing," Lia whispered back. Matt nodded.
"Thanks Lia and Matt. Well, this weekend was a very busy one for the new Digidestined. First, Yolei went to Kyoto for a school field trip, leaving the team short one member, but that didn't stop Archnemon, Mummymon and Black Wargreymon from trying to blow up more Destiny Stones, which they did. Black Wargreymon and a few flunkeys showed up in Kyoto, putting Yolei in an awkward position. Fortunately Ken, Stingmon, and Poromon were there to bail her out. In episode two of the day, the Destiny Stones continued to explode, and a chained up dragonish thing kept appearing in the sky. The Digidestined did their best to try and stop the thus far unbeatable team of villains, but it wasn't enough. T.K. was acting weird and freaking out Cody, and it makes you wonder what's going to happen when they jogress digivolve together. Several brief appearances made by Izzy, appearances made by Jim Kido and Mr. Takenouchi, Gabumon, and MagnaAngemon. Flashbacks of the 01 cast were also included."
"Thanks, Agumon. We really don't have too much for interview lined up for these episodes, nobody new or drastically important showed up this weekend…" Lia stated.
"Hey Sora!" Shadowmon called offstage.
"Yes?" Sora asked in her polite, wet-paper-bag tone of voice as she stood with Mimi and Yolei by the water cooler.
"WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!"
"Ahem. Yeah. And there wasn't too much in the line of discussion elsewhere, although rumors have been confirmed about the dating status of two of the 01 cast…"
"Lia, don't…"
"According to Toei, megchan.com and digidestination.com/mirror/claymore.htm and the video clips there, Matt is officially dating Miss Sora Takenouchi. So Sorato advocates, break out the confetti, and everybody else, I'm just reporting, I'm not saying run right out and convert. Now, let's head over to Gabumon for an in-depth analysis of this week's episodes. Gabumon?"
Before Gabumon could even start, the fangirls surrounding the FOX building started shrieking and howling and sobbing. Matt groaned and ducked under the table. Leomon and Piximon could be heard outside doing their usual bodyguard business.
"Okay, now that that's taken care of…" Gabumon sighed. "Well, there isn't a lot to analyze this weekend. The episodes were really good. The part with Izzy and Ken was a little dry, and over here they can't stand each other and are in constant rivalry, but that's a different story. Jim and Mr. Takenouchi were a great set of characters, and it finally ties up a few loose ends from the first season. As for the other episode, T.K. keeps having the same flashback of the Devimon fight and it's getting a little annoying. And when I showed up, heheh, well, I'm pretty sure a lot of folks out there were hoping for an appearance by a certain co-anchor rock star girl magnet. But having MagnaAngemon appear was something else, and for once Silphymon's voice wasn't Aquilamon dominated like it was last week. It'll be interesting to see what happens when Angemon and Ankylomon jogress, which will most likely be next week (Lia hasn't seen any commercials yet so she's not making promises!)."
"Thanks, Gabumon. Well, that about wraps up this week. Don't forget, only two weeks until Christmas…well, the Christmas episode anyway. I'm Lia Agianna…"
"And I'm Matt Ishida…"
"And this has been the Weekly Digimon Report. Matt, you're not going to be my permanent co-anchor!"
"Why not?"
"Because it's my show! You're supposed to hang out backstage with Tai and the others in case Nimoy and Buchholz show up, or Archnemon and Mummymon run Palmon over, or something explodes!"
"Sorry, I thought it would help."
"It was a sweet gesture, though. Now, Willis, get Galgomon and secure the east side! Ken, you and Stingmon get the west wing! Yolei, Kari, and Silphymon to the north end, and Cody and Ankylomon to the south side! This building needs better security! The rest of you, get out there and find Nicki and Davis, that's an order!"
"LIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Shadowmon came bolting in, half skidding on the tile floor. "Nimoy…and…Buchholz…got them. They're…planning on…shutting down…the show…and shipping you to…Johto…or…Dragonball…or Ranma…for…insubordination!" she panted.
"This is bad, this is bad, this is bad," Joe muttered.
"All right, Digidestined, we're not letting some grown man who's Tentomon in disguise and his flunkey take Lia and whatever out-of-character personalities we have! Ready to fight?" Tai (you guessed it) shouted.
"RIGHT!"
"And we're keeping the news show up!" Mimi added.
"RIGHT!"
"And we're all getting really big bonuses on payday!" T.K. suggested.
"RIGHT!"
"Hear that, Jeffy? You can take away our characters, you can take away our digivices, but you can never take OUR FREEDOM!" Lia cried.
~*~
"They're planning an uprising, Jeff."
"Is the girl secure, Bob?"
"She's with the loudmouths, Jeff. Are we going to crush their spirits, Jeff?"
"Of course, Bob. The Sorato was the first blow, Bob. This is just the start of the battle, Bob. We're in for a long war, Bob."
"I'll build a bomb shelter in the backyard, Jeff. And get the Ovaltine, Jeff."
"Just make sure the prisoners are secure, Bob. We'll stop them, Bob. One news show at a time, Bob."
~*~
Questions,
questions, and more questions that possibly get solved on the next Weekly
Digimon Report with Lia Agianna! Do I have to threaten to make you people
review or will you just do it?