The Weekly Digimon Report
Kiss me, I'm Irish!
Lia and her troops stood on one side of the dilapidated studio, Nimoy, Buchholz, and their forces on the other. The Digidestined, or what was left of them, looked mighty worn down but weren't about to give up now. The Around the World Digidestined were all chattering in different languages and the Mexican girl Chichos was trying to glomp Ken again. The old evil villains were also there, and they were just as displeased. But the majority of Lia's troops came from the fanfiction.net Authors and Reviewers.
"Private Killerhurtz!"
"Yes Ma'am!"
"Take Private Amilene over to the Cartoon Network, hook up with Heero and Quatre and see if you can borrow a couple Gundams. And get those robots online, pronto!"
"Yes Ma'am!"
"Private Flower Cannon!"
"Yes Ma'am!"
"You and Private Grace Musica take command."
"What?! You're letting your fans take charge? I'm the leader of the Digidestined! And how come you're deserting us now?!" Tai shouted, flailing his arms around.
"I've got a report to do, son. Private Sandrilene!"
"Yes Ma'am!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
"Yes Ma'am!"
And Lia took off for her bunker, plugging in a microphone and pinning a green button reading "Irish at Heart" to her uniform.
"Welcome to Week Seven of the Weekly Digimon Report, I'm Commander Lia Agianna. We're up to episode thirty-seven, and basically it was a fight for the last Destiny Stone. The kids used the power of their D3's to summon Azulongmon, which was a big ol' dragon thing that told Black Wargreymon he actually had a purpose before launching into full flashback mode. Archnemon and Mummymon did basically nothing the whole time, it was 'Explain Stuff to the Pipsqueaks' Day. So…we had appearances by the entire 01 cast, plus our buddies the Dark Masters, and some other stuff, all in flashback form. T.K. and Kari are still the producers' favorites, and Happy St. Patrick's Day to all you Irish folk. The actual person that types the fanfics (the human being sitting in front of her computer now as opposed to the anime girl in the battlefield) is half Irish, and therefore we Digidestined get to promote the Irish folk. Anyway, there really was little point to this episode other than the fact that next week would be CHRISTMAS! And so, this was your report, and now, back to the battle."
And Lia jumped out of the bunker, unplugging her mike. Matt, the still brainwashed and psychopathic general and bishounen, was being cuddled by (dun dun dun, dramatic reverb) Terri-Lei O'Malley, the evil English Producer.
"Oh no you don't! I'm the only one around here that's allowed to glomp Matt…except when I'm writing Sorato stories! DIE, PRODUCER, DIE!"
"Seize that Author!" Nimoy hollered, motioning to fifty thousand cancelled versions of Power Rangers.
"Go! Go!" Buchholz added, jerking his fingers at Los Luchadores.
"You got rid of us and yet you let him be the final evil villain? What the hell are you people smoking?!" Puppetmon hollered, setting his copy of the episode scripts from episodes forty-five through fifty. "Puppet pommel!"
"You killed me off and wouldn't let me die properly!" Wizardmon cried. "Magical game!"
"Digimon, attack!" Tai ordered.
"Come on, gang, we don't need to take their crap! If not for the show, then do it for the hot guys on the show…like Ken!" Cherry mentioned.
"There she goes again," Karuri-chan a.k.a. Setsuna sighed.
And both forces collided a la "Ultimate Clash," only this time Kari isn't glowing and Puppetmon is too busy wailing on people to sit back and laugh. Lia took this to be the opportune time to go and rescue one brainwashed bishounen.
"You! You're the enemy!" he gasped.
"No, really?" Lia said sarcastically, administering a sharp b****slap upside his head. "Snap out of it, Yamato, unless you want Mimi singing for you at the Christmas concert next week."
"WHAT?! NO!"
"There's more than one way to skin a Gatomon," Lia snickered as Matt switched sides yet again.
"Hey Lia! When do we get our dates?" Flower Cannon asked while grappling with Pink Power Ranger # 147.
"What dates?" the guy Digidestined asked.
"Um…I told my readers if they sent a review I'd set them up with you guys. Matt, Cody, Izzy, Joe, and Ken have been drafted for date duty thus far."
"WHAT?!"
"Gimme back my Dai-chan!" Ken screamed, picking up a microphone pole and planning to run Nimoy through.
"Who?! Oh, you mean Davis…and I suppose you want the other kid as well."
"Nah, Nicki can stay for a while, she hasn't been getting along with her Outside-of-Fanfic-Land friends lately and…" Yolei started to say.
"Yes! I want Nicki back NOW!" Izzy and Shad screeched.
"Can't we come to some sort of agreement about all of this? We're not doing anything to the show per se, we're just running an informative news show for all the readers who did and didn't see the week's episode (s) and giving it our own personal touch. Is that so wrong?" Cody cried.
"YES!" the English execs shouted. "Prepare to meet your doom, Authors and Reviewers, for once you are gone these kids will be ours, and there will be no yaoi implications or hints of any coupling and their personalities will be as flat as Sora's chest and we will continue to do as we please especially to…"
"Did somebody call for some reinforcements?" three voices shouted.
"What in the name of Action Man…?"
"I'm Takato!"
"I'm Ruki!"
"I'm Lee!"
"AND WE'RE THE 03 DIGIDESTINED!"
"Well, now I've seen everything. Who's going to show up next, AiM or Michael Reisz?" Lia sighed. "Anyone for corned beef and cabbage?"
~*~
Will this stupid
war ever end? Who knows? I sure as heck don't! Review, review, review, folks,
and then break out your plastic Christmas trees because (unless they're going
to pull a P***mon, cut it from the arc and save it for July) next weekend would
be CHRISTMAS! So Happy St. Patrick's Day and Merry Christmas to all of you! NOW
GET BACK INTO THE RANKS OR YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF SCOURING THE MESS HALL WITH THE
NUMEMON!