The Weekly Digimon Report
Requires two AA batteries,
not included.
Well, we had a nice little break from the Dubber War thanks to Boss Reo and his Christmas special. But now we're back to trying to kill each other. Izzy got an email from Killerhurtz ten minutes ago saying he and the robot task force were being stopped by FOX Customs and needed some assistance crossing the borders, so we sent Matt out to give him a hand. Meanwhile…
"Lia!"
"What's up, Grace? You look like you've just seen a dubber."
"Not exactly. I think I gave them a bad idea in my DDT2K fic. I think I just saw a Pikachu in the Nimoy ranks."
"WHAT?! WHERE'S THE YELLOW BASTARD?!" Patamon hollered.
"Well, don't worry about it. We all knew it'd happen sooner or later. At least Matt and Killerhurtz are on their way with the backup troops."
The ground started shaking as a platoon of robots came stampeding into view, lead by Private Killerhurtz and Matt. Behind the platoon was a familiar set of Gundam Wing mobile suits. Lia grinned and started running for the platoon. Matt shot Killerhurtz a smug look, sure his girlfriend was coming over for a hug.
"I told you, Killerhurtz, Lia is all…mine?" Lia blew right past the two of them, leaving everyone rather confused. That is, until Duo Maxwell and Quatre Winner jumped down out of their Gundams and hugged her.
I watched Endless Waltz last weekend and now I'm on a bit of a Gundam high. Can you tell?
"What the?" Matt whimpered.
"Hey kiddo, long time, no see," Duo grinned.
"It's so nice to see you again," Quatre added.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"
Lia looked up, tilting her helmet back. "Oh, you didn't know? The Gundam gang and I are old buddies. There was this one time Heero came down with mono…he caught it from Relena and she got it from Zechs…anyway, I was hanging out there and the next thing you know I'm piloting Wing Zero."
"She's quite a pilot," Quatre stated.
"Yeah, made ol' Wufei cry," Duo snickered.
"Sure, she can pilot a Gundam but she can't put ink into a printer," Shadowmon sighed.
"And just when did this happen?" Tai questioned.
"Between 01 and 02, while Matt was off growing his hair and learning to play the bass. I was kinda in Anime Limbo for a while so I went network-hopping. Hey, since you guys are here, why don't you do the report with me this weekend?"
Matt, looking very depressed, trudged off to the bunkers. Puppetmon intercepted him halfway there, waving his gun like he did in the uncut version of "Playing Games."
"Whoa, whazzamatta with you? You like Imperialdramon just squashed ya."
"Eh, my girlfriend's run off with the Gundam pilots."
"Want me to blow them up?"
"No. Just let them do their own thing."
"Aww, I wanted to blow something up. Wait, there's always Dubber Lackeys! Yessuh!"
"This is Lia Agianna, and welcome to week nine of the Weekly Digimon Reports. This weekend kicked off what FOX affectionately calls the 'Digimon World Tour' and that means only one thing…"
"ROAD TRIP!!!" Davis shouted.
"Right. To get a full recap, we go to Quatre R. Winner, Gundam pilot of Sandrock. Quatre?"
"Thank you, Lia. Well, this weekend digimon begin appearing all over the world, along with control spires, Digidestined, and the digiport. Davis goes to Tomachi to help Ken, while the others figure out what to do. The digimon are given the power to digivolve to ultimate once more, and during a rumble with a dinosaur and Mummymon, Paildramon digivolves to his mega, Imperialdramon. The kids now have to go all over the world and fix everything. Special appearances by the 01 cast, Mrs. Izumi, Mr. Ishida, Azulongmon, and guest appearance by Obi Wan Kenobi…I mean, Gennai."
"Thanks, Quatre. Speaking of Ishida, where'd Matt run off to?"
"I think he's sulking somewhere," Mimi stated, shaking a can of pink spray paint to use on her fatigues.
"Moving right along with our report, here's Duo Maxwell, pilot of Deathscythe, for our episode analysis. You've got the floor, Duo."
"Thanks. Eh, this wasn't a really exciting episode other than the fact that Gennai appeared and now he looks like Obi Wan Kenobi from Episode 1 of Star Wars. Of course, Yolei goes bonkers over him like she does any guy. And hey, poor neglected Willis got a mention in the episode! The producers didn't forget about him after all! And on a side note, check how close Sora and Matt were standing. Do I suspect a budding romance or is it just standing next to each other? Well, we don't know cuz Sora's going to Russia and Matt's headed to Mexico for a visit with Chichos."
"NOT CHICHOS!" Ken howled.
"I do exist! I do have a purpose!" Willis cried triumphantly.
"Anyway, like I said, this episode was pretty boring. Didn't they mention the Power Rangers? I thought I heard 'Power Rangers Arbor Day Special' but I might have been imagining things."
"Great job, Duo. Well, next week's episode will probably be late, I have to do a fundraiser for my Missions trip so I'm going to tape it. Mimi and Lillymon will be back, and so will *shudder* Michael. Until then, this is Lia Agianna with the Weekly Digimon Report. ALL RIGHT, TROOPS, MOVE OUT!"
"YES MA'AM!"
~*~
"Jeff! I've got it, Jeff! I've found the weakness, Jeff!"
"What is it, Bob? Can we have it ready in time for this weekend, Bob?"
"I doubt it, Jeff. Terri-Lei has to approve of it and supply us with the equipment, Jeff. But it'll be ready for next week, Jeff. And it looks like trouble is brewing between the Matt one and the Unspoken-Of One, Jeff."
"That's good to hear, Bob."
~*~
While robots, digimon, Authors, Reviewers, Digidestined, and whatever else we've got out there are fighting Power Rangers, Luchadores, Pokémon, Interns, and whatever else they've got out there, Lia was taking care of business. Steve Irwin, a.k.a. "The Crocodile Hunter" will now give a running commentary on the situation.
"Heah we have the woild Autha on the hunt foh thuh eloosive woild angsty Digidestined, othawoise known as Matt. He's moighty angry with huh, and if this li'l beauty isn't cahful, she cuhld lose huh loife. But this gohgeous creatuh is very fuisty and won't take lip from anyone. Let's wutch as she goes in fuh thuh kill."
"Matt! I've been looking all over for you. Why'd you run off?" Lia questioned, taking off her helmet. Matt looked away, too angry to speak.
"Aw, come on, just because I'm buddies with the Gundam guys doesn't mean I'm deserting you. You know you're my favorite. Why else do I ignore the other Digidestined and focus mainly on you? Huh?"
"But…ever since…and you…what about the Sorato? I feel like I'm losing you! I don't want anything to change. I…I…I don't want things to turn out the way they did in that fanfic you just posted, the Nimoy one."
"You think I'd let that happen? Just because the producers say and do one thing doesn't mean I'm going to go along with it. So the producers decide to funk you up. I'll rebel until my face turns blue! The Nimoy thing was just a way to show off your kids and spoil the end of season two. As for Sorato, it's a very plausible coupling. I don't believe in yaoi other than Kensuke, I think pairing you with a younger girl is disgusting, and Mimi has never shown any inkling of a sign of liking you, so Sora's left and when you look at things you're a good couple. Besides, I get more reviews for Sorato stories than I do for self-insertations, even though Sandrilene likes them. Nothing will change between us. I care too much about you to let that happen. Now c'mon, we've got a war to fight."
"Yeah. So, whaddya think of me as an adult? Honestly."
"Honestly? You look like a blonde version of your father and it scares the hell outta me. Then again, Tai looks like Heero and T.K. has a mullet so I can't talk. Oh well."
"Thuh woild Lia has made huh kill, and thuh eloosive Matt is renduhed helpless. What a beaut!"
"Hey Lia, are we ever going to get together?" Sandrilene asked when she and Matt returned.
"Ummm, I'm still talking it over with my parents. But April Vay-Cay is a no go since I'm going to South Carolina with my church group. Which reminds me…gimme an email when you can, we need to have a little discussion regarding these reports. Grace, you too. Somebody's gotta do them while I'm gone hammering and spackling in the ghetto. But for now, somebody find me a Gundam, I'm going Poké-slaughtering. Wanna help, Yama?"
"You bet!"
"It's it great Karuri-chan? They got back together!" chichamunkyhead sighed.
"I don't think she's listening," teknodanish pointed out.
"Huh?"
Karuri-chan a.k.a. Setsuna was off on a Joe-glomping mission of her own.
"Oh."
"Ahhh, young love. Isn't it amazing?" Cherry asked, eyeing Ken.
"No! Go away, you!"
"Let's get to whooping these losers, eh Wiz-Gig?" Reo grinned.
"QUIT CALLING ME WIZ-GIG!!!"
~*~
What'd the dubber
find? Will the Digidestined survive it? When will this stupid war end? Find out
eventually, on the Weekly Digimon Report with Lia Agianna! And now, if you
review, we'll send you Cody! Yes, you will receive Cody for reviewing! Spend
hours of kendo fun with the shortest Digidestined of all! So review today!