The Weekly Digimon Report

The Weekly Digimon Report

We do it all for the anime.

            Lia was sitting in her office, watching a couple borrowed tapes of Fushigi Yugi. Well, more like reading it. It was the subtitled version.

"Mm, Tamahome, Hotohori. Bishounen if I ever saw them."

Then she glanced over at the "God Forsaken Nimoy-ish Matt Ishida Throw Pillow" and felt guilty about thinking about other hot anime boys.

"Lia? You're on in five minutes!" Willis called, rapping on the door.

"Kay!"

She shut off her VCR and headed out to the soundstage, where everybody was waiting.

            "Okay gang, let's get it on!" Everyone nodded in agreement, which then caused Lia to burst into tears.

"Huh? Oh what now?!" Tai groaned.

"It's…it's…almost the end of the season! When Tamers gets to America, if it ever does, you guys won't be in it!"

"And what does a smart, pretty author like you do?" Matt questioned.

"Panic?"

"Try rebel, genius," Yolei snorted. "Just do your stupid show and worry about Takato and the tamers later."

            Lia nodded, still depressed, and hopped up into her chair.

"And we're live in five…four…three…two…"

"This is Lia Agianna, and welcome to Week Fourteen of the Weekly Digimon Report. Well, the season is indeed winding down, and episodes forty-five and forty-six were up at bat. Speaking of bat, let's get right to the episode recap with the terror that flaps in the night, our very own Batpig, Patamon."

"Thanks, Lia. Well, Davis and the others got Ken back safely, and then we had a huge one-episode fight with Daemon, who promised he'd come back, which is virtually impossible because like everyone's said, the season's just about over. Anyway, Ken's parents found out about Wormmon, and unlike the Izumi family, didn't really make a fuss over it. See, I told you Ken was a Mini-Matt!"

Matt and Ken glowered in identical stances.

"Yeah, so Owikawa and the Digimon Team Rocket hide out, only to find Black Wargreymon's back. The real Wargreymon (accept no substitutions) got busy smacking the tar out of him, while the rest of us chased Owikawa. Meanwhile, all those little kids started turning evil. Ooh! This is Batpig, signing off. To the Batpigmobile…hey wait, you devolved Wizardmon! Now I don't have a Dead Wonder!"

"And for that, I'm grateful," Demidevimon sighed.

            "Thanks, Pata. Before we do the usual analysis, I've got a few announcements. One: The Sorato Contest is still open, and if the deadline of next Saturday is too soon, I can extend it. And if you, like Flower Cannon, can't post it here then email it to me and I'll accept it like that. Second: Yes, the season is almost over and that means it's almost the end of these reports. It's been a pleasure to do them. But don't think I'm not writing anymore. Hell no! As long as there are dubbers to annoy, anime to watch, and Sorato to defend, I'm there! And now, onto Gatomon for our analysis."

            Gatomon was about to start her spiel when Shadowmon jumped onto the desk.

"Hold on, Gato-cat. Lemme just do this, Sistah, and then you've got the floor. This one's going out to Lia and her cohorts. Friends, readers, Digidestined, lend me your ears! On this day, May 5, 2001, your cries for Sorato have been answered. We have witnessed the end of Yamato's suffering! We have witnessed the end of his oppression! We have witnessed the end of Jun's perverted stalking forever! Lemme hear you say hallelujah brothers and sisters!"

Izzy cued up Mendel's Hallelujah Chorus over the PE system, and Sorato fans everywhere cheered.

Gatomon looked at her kitten counterpart darkly. "Sure, steal my thunder. Now what am I going to talk about, huh? Nimoy and Buchholz haven't done the English scripts in a while so they haven't sucked enough to complain about! I mean, the cheap lousy fight with Daemon should've taken longer, but that's not much to go on. Oh, here's something we can use. Why did Tai get the spotlight again? What is with that household? If it's not one Kamiya, it's the other! We're a cast of twelve kids and twelve digimon, can we focus on someone else besides Tai and Kari for a change? Like the other older kids! Where were they? Matt, Joe, Izzy, and Sora showed up for half a second, not counting the Almighty Sorato Moment. And why are those little kids so creepy? They frighten me! And if Myotismon in one form or another gets to come back, then WHY NOT WIZARDMON?! I WANT MY BOYFRIEND!"

"Okay…um, yeah. Thanks, Gatomon. This is Lia Agianna, reminding you to beware strange guys with price-checkers from Stop and Shop. See ya in a week!"

Lia headed off to her office to watch more Fushigi Yugi, and right when it was getting to the part when Hotohori explained the Seven Stars of Suzaku Shadowmon and Demidevimon came flying into the room at breakneck speed.

"There's something majorly wrong with the others! Willis and Nicki are fine, but the rest of the gang is seriously messed up!"

"Dammit, always during my shows," Lia muttered.

"I don't think you wanna see this, Boss. It's gonna make you pass out, I know now."

"Demi, I don't care. Those are my friends, archrivals, and boyfriend. Aurelia Elizabeth Agianna does not desert her…OH SWEET MOTHER OF ISHIDA!"

            The twelve 02 kids glanced up at Lia, and she, as Demidevimon predicted, passed out.

That was a weird dream. I thought I walked into the room after doing a report and everyone had turning into their 2027 selves. Ha, what a stupid thought.

"Lia? Hey, come on, get up."

"Matt, that's not going to do anything. Like this!" Yolei smacked her across the cheek, causing her to bolt upright.

"What the hell was that for?! Who do you think you…ACK! IT WASN'T A DREAM!"

Yes, the 02 folk are in their forty-year-old 2027 forms. And it's downright scary.

"This sucks. This really, really sucks," Tai grumbled, poking his now-short hair.

If you haven't seen these pictures, I advise you to see them now or be very afraid in two weeks when the episode comes out in America. My poor bishies!

"Guess who came for a visit while you were reading your movie?" Mimi asked, annoyed.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I think I can figure this out." Nimoy and Buchholz jumped from the rafters, and smirked at the gang.

"Since we haven't been dubbing things lately, and Tentomon hasn't been around, we've had plenty of time to figure out ways to eliminate you, Author."

"So we created these devices that did that to your little friends, because we all know how freaked-out you get, Author."

"Forty-year-old astronaut with a wife and two kids…Nimoy! Buchholz! You will pay for tampering with this! In the name of Digimon and all that is sacred, I will punish you!"

"Not this time, Author. Your story ends here."

~*~

Well whaddya know? They were right. Will the Digidestined go back to being their proper ages before Lia has a mental breakdown? Will Nimoy and Buchholz EVER be stopped? Find out next week, on the Weekly Digimon Report, with Lia Agianna!