The Weekly Digimon Report

The Weekly Digimon Report

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

            The Digidestined were busily setting up the newsroom for the humongous party they had planned for the end of the season. That is, most of the Digidestined. Willis had run off with a bottle of butterscotch sauce and Boss Reo, and nobody had seen Lia for most of the day.

"She's probably off in hysterics somewhere," Yolei sighed, inflating another balloon. Biyomon and the other air-fairing digimon were hanging crepe paper streamers overhead, and the others were getting in the way in the kitchen.

            "Give her another five minutes. If she doesn't show up by then, I'll go find her," Matt said, smacking a dish of ice cream out of Gabumon's hands (or paws).

"Here I am. Sorry I'm late, you guys, my dad made me go mow the lawn," Lia murmured, trudging into the room.

And those of you who know me best know how evil that lawn is, right Nicki?

"Are you going to be all right?" Wizardmon asked, putting an arm around her shoulder. Lia was already crying, and I, her human counterpart, am crying as I write this.

"I think so. Welcome to the Weekly Digimon Report, Week Sixteen. This will be the last episode of the reports for a while, but I promise I'll try and keep something going weekly over the summer. You all know how bad I am at continuing long-term stories. Hell, I'm considering dumping Paths of Destiny because I got bored with it. Anyway, this weekend was the last two episodes of season two, and our final goodbye to the twelve people I love more than anything else. Yolei, take the recap while I find a box of tissues."

            "Sure. Malomyotismon cast a spell on us so we would get distracted by things we wanted in life more than anything, like for T.K. not to have a broken home or Cody to be with his dad. Davis snapped us back into reality though, and there was huge clash with Malomyotismon. We broke through to the Digital World, where he suddenly became more powerful. The Digidestined from all over the world combined their power to help stop him, and even the kids with the Dark Spores. They got their very own digimon partner and as one big team we defeated that darkness. Oikawa died in Cody's arms, well, he turned into butterflies but technically he died, only after meeting his own digimon partner. Gatomon got her tail ring back and everything seemed to be good once again. The show ended with the glimpse of us in the future and ads for Digimon Tamers."

            Nicki hopped into Lia's chair. "Um, Lia's having a meltdown so I'll take over for a minute. Let's go to Cody with an analysis of the whole thing. Cody?"

"Thanks Nicki. Well, the whole digivolution thing was really, really confusing in the first episode, and it was hard to figure out what was going on. Second, having our eyes glaze over like that was scary as hell. Lia kept shouting during the commercials 'T.K.'s eyes are glazed over, he's dead!' Palmon and Gennai's voices were changed ever so slightly, which was kind of weird. But one of the highlights of dub slip is that when the show cut back to the real world with the older kids, both Kido brothers, Jim and Shuu, were standing next to each other. We were trying to figure out how the dubbers were going to deal with that, and they didn't even go there. That's probably a good thing. We were also surprised at how even though they didn't mention it in the Japanese version (or not to our knowledge) the whole Sorato implication in the 2027 part was still very subtle. Matt's son sounded like a girl. And Mimi? I thought her kid was a boy! Wow! Um, I think that's everything. Let's go now to the Weekly Digimon Report's End of Season Spectacular, with your host, Lia Agianna!"

            Lia had calmed down by now, and was sitting on a couch with the rest of the cast, Nicki and Cody joining after the cameras were off them. Reo, with Willis on his lap, sat on the armchair. Even Terri-Lei O'Malley and the replacements of the deceased Nimoy and Buchholz (remember, we killed them last weekend) were munching on cake.

"Welcome to the End of Season Spectacular. I'm Lia Agianna. I have to say, out of the whole hour-long-special, my favorite line this week had to come from Cody's daughter."

Tech workers in the sound booth cued up the line. "Dad, can I sue if I get tagged It?"

"The new dubbers that finished the season made the last several episodes enjoyable for the entire audience, with just the right amount of corny jokes tossed in. And Malomyotismon, that Gundam Mech of a monster, got his just desserts in a fitting way too, although my pal Destiny can argue this was all a plot of Devimon. Right Sherman?"

            "So…just what are we going to do this summer while we wait for Tamers?" Tai asked.

"Are you even going to watch Tamers?" Sora added.

"I don't know. I refuse to look up anything about them on the Internet, like I did with most of 02. In the meantime, I have a few projects I can finish out here. Don't worry, I'll keep the new stuff coming. New stuff minus the Tamers."

"Lia, what are you talking about, girl?" Reo asked.

Lia pulled out a pot of war paint, a camouflage bandanna, and a shotgun. "Oh, I may have a little project I'd like to start right now regarding this shotgun and those 03 sprites. In the meantime, PARTY!"

"AUSTIN POWERS TRIO, AWAY!" Shadowmon hollered, diving for the cake.

"Get back here you little ball of trouble before I use you as a soccer ball!" Nicki yelled.

            "Friday night sound good for another little date, Lia?" Matt asked.

"Um…yeah. But be warned, my dad got another set of dating rules. His new favorite line: 'I've got a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Don't trifle with me.'"

Matt gulped.

"To the Batpigmobile, Dead Wonder!" Patamon cheered.

"Wait, why didn't I ever get mentioned? We were fighting Myotismon!" Wizardmon shouted.

Suddenly an alarm went off in the building. Terri-Lei glanced at her new dubbers.

"What's that?" she asked.

"That? Um, I think it's the 'new evil villain' alert we installed last week," Seth Walther replied.

"Digidestined, let's go!" Tai and Davis shouted.

"Wait, what are we going to do with all this cake and ice cream?!" Terriermon asked.

"Deal with it later! Lock and load!" Reo cried.

And so, Lia and her band of Digidestined headed off to annoy more evil villains and do stuff…including a hostile takeover of Toei Animation for getting rid of the twelve 01 and 02 Digidestined.

"This has been the Weekly Digimon Report with Lia Agianna. I don't know what'll be posted next week, so I'll see you all soon! Thanks for everything, you guys. You've been the best."

~*~

And I'm serious. Make me happy, because I seriously have been crying for the past few hours. Send me a review, just one little review. Sorato contest continues, so keep those entries coming! And as for 02, it lives forever in Lia-Land because I refuse to accept Takato, Ruki, and Lee. YAMATO FOREVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

You never should have had that frosting, Lia. You've gone insane.