The Ministry of Magic Secret Intelligence Department has released some shocking discoveries to the press, and the Daily Prophet feels the need to tell the absolute truth for our wondering readers. Snape disappearing from his grave, Harry disappearing from his humiliating loss, is there a connection?? Yes.
In furthur investigation of Professor Severus Snape's grave, they found long fingermarks and footprints, and signs of a struggle. It looked as though the grave had been dug up, the dead body dragged out, except for one small, crazy exception: the dead body seems to have put up a good fight. We can only speculate as to what happened. Did You-Know-Who drag Snape out unwillingly?? Or perhaps Snape was pulled out of his endless sleep by a mentally distressed Harry Potter?? Nobody can tell.
The Head of the Ministry's SID, Jeremy Greenfeld, told us his ideas on the matter. "No good trying to keep this a secret, rumors would fly and then we'd have a real problem on our hands!! What I'd like to tell you all is stay calm, don't forget to send red sparks to London if anything seems unusual around your neighborhood, and don't let your children outside. May I remind you, though," he reassures, "the greatest wizarding hero of all time is helping our side of the problem. Ill or absolutely fine, I'm sure Harry is in excellent physical condition and doing his best to protect his people."
Is Harry really all right, though?? He wouldn't stay away from the hospital for so long now, with little Potter on the way and Cho needing him. Loyal fans and good friends wonder: was it that You-Know-Who took him over and forced him to revive Snape?? Only time and the best investigations by the SID will tell.
In today's action-packed game, Canada's talented Maple Moons completely ruined the United States Quidditch team, the Stars. This is looking good for England, who will have to play the Stars in a few weeks - maybe without the best Seeker in the world. The record-breaking score, 240-30, shows that the Maple Moons, England's almost-equal in world Quidditch, can easily overtake the Stars.
It's obviously been a horrible season for the Stars. Captain Marsha Jones complains, "Not a single game won this year yet!! Not ONE!! Our team has no heart, you can tell the minute their brooms start to rise. They don't care enough to go fast, catch the Snitch, or protect their teammates from the harsh Bludgers. We are getting trampled by every team we play, and I won't stand for it anymore!! We've just GOT to beat England and I'm going to tell them this is our best chance!!"
"Maybe with Harry gone, we could try. I don't really think we could do it, though," says Tracie McMull, a Chaser for the Stars. Who disagrees with her? Even though England may have to search for a backup Seeker (like Cedric Diggory, on England's B-Team), they've still got the best team in the world. Fred and George Weasley, the human Bludgers, Angelina Johnson, the speeding bullet, Katie Bell, the Quaffle Queen, Alicia Spinnet, always there when you need her, and Oliver Wood, the omnipotent Keeper and excellent, energetic team Captain. Who dares go against them??
After years of sitting, bored out of her mind, in the 'History of Magic' class at Hogwarts, Alexa Taritski takes a new approach to wizard history. She has assigned a titanic, amazing task to herself, but she pushes on with cheerful determination. Bored young witches and wizards will love her forever!!
Since her father, Kenneth Taritski, works in the wizard film industry, she has been exposed to many great movies and made friendships with a lot of wonderful actors and actresses over the years. She is the perfect person to start the brand new Helpless at History video series, four collections of twenty hour-long videos covering the marvelous wizards of ancient Egypt, Rome, Greece, and China and thier intriguing work in magic. These will surely be far more interesting to young witches and wizards then a lecturing ghost.
Featuring the best wizards and witches in Hollywood, these spectacular collections are not to be overlooked. 'Entrancing Egypt,' the first collection in the series, is being filmed as you read. There are only three hour-long segments to be filmed yet, and then it'll take about three months before they start getting sold in bookstores, video stores, and movie rental places. You can see this fabulous beginning before then, though. Just tune in to The Magical History Network at 8 pm eastern every night starting April 1st to watch one segment each night. Have fun and don't forget to learn while you're at it!!
Dear Daily Prophet,
Hi. I'm a Hogwarts student, and I'd just like to bring to mind to everybody the non-existent drama program at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. First of all, with those new history videos coming out, I'm sure there are parts for kids, and some of us could make a lot of money and have fun, too.
But how are we supposed to act if Hogwarts doesn't allow us any practice?? There should be at least two plays a year, I say, and we wouldn't have to spend much money on them, either. It would be extremely fun and yet another use for our spectacular Great Hall. Also, my friends back me up in this, and I'm sure many more at my school agree.
If you want to fight for acting rights, email me with your name and address so I can add you to the growing petition. Actors, dancers, singers, and performers unite!!
Helena Weasley....dragondrama@potter.hogwarts.edu
Dear Daily Prophet Staff,
All this Snape business is scaring the heck out of my children. I thought you smart guys would know better than to put this stuff on the front page where all the little ones, who can read, will see it and want to know more.
I suggest you add a kids' magazine as a supplement, with lots of color, of course, so that my young boys and girls won't get evils like You-Know-Who forced into their heads. Write about the Hogwarts Carnival, the Helpless History tapes, Quidditch updates, anything but ghosts and ghouls and goblins and graves.
Elaine Spinsackadistro....espinella@mothersagainsteverything.org
Dear Daily Prophet,
Every day, it seems, you have a retraction. Cut it out and just learn to spell!!
- Lara Harbison....president@wecanwriteandyoucan'tsoha.com
Dear the Daily Prophet,
I say, can't you guys think up more imaginative names for television channels?? The whole "The ________ Network" idea was cool at first, but it's getting old, honestly.
No offense, but I really think newspapers should stay newspapers, magazines should stay magazines, and television channels should keep to themselves. All this merging and creating is confusing and annoying - also frustrating when it takes hours to flip through every Network this, Network that.
- Roy Smith....notebookdoll@channelsurfersoftheworld.com
°F.°F.The search for the new Minister/Ministress is still going on, and the Daily Prophet has been unable to gather any more information about this interesting development. More later...