A/N: Do I
really have to do this *again*? Nothing belongs to me, except…*fishes in
pocket, emerges triumphant* THIS TOOTHPICK! Thanks to the good people who
reviewed at the end. Please read Part One and Two first, if you haven't
already.
Part One:
http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=179709
Part Two: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=184615
Quote of
the Day: "You have stupid hair!"---Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Deepest, Most Desperate Desire of Our Hearts, Ch. 03
"The Mirror of Erised," our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lupin, announces, uncovering the magical object. I gasp in shock. The actual Mirror of Erised! Fingering my Head Girl badge, I remember all of the books that have talked about it. Magical Items of Desire: Love Potions, Lust Dust, and More, Backwards Clues and Tuom Ehter Ugif Otwoh, The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts, and slightly mentioned in Hogwarts: A History. I could feel myself growing more and more excited. The Mirror that was created by Uric the Oddball! And we were getting a chance to look into it! A true learning experience! My hand shoots up, as I yearn to tell everyone about it.
"Yes, Hermione?" Lupin calls on me.
"The Mirror of Erised is the only one of its kind. It shows the true desire of anyone's heart," I inform everyone quickly. Lupin gives me a smile and proceeds to tell our class how the Mirror can be dangerous. I listen to him in disbelief. None of my books ever said anything about its negative aspects, except that you can waste away in front of it. But Lupin is actually implying that what you see could be traumatizing. What could be in there?
I try to catch Ron's eye, but he doesn't even notice. He is staring intently as Lavender reaches the Mirror. I feel an ache in my heart when I see his love for her in his wistful expression. I don't feel bad because I love him. I never really did. I feel sad because she loves him too, and he obviously has no idea. Lavender is always talking about his "beautiful, sparkling, sapphire eyes" and his "perfect hair" late at night in the dorms. They're perfect for each other. I make a mental note to myself to tell Ron to invite her to the next dance. Then I feel even worse. I'm always the one setting people up, Harry and Ginny last year, and Ron and Lavender now. If I can find other people their matches, I thought sadly to myself, why can't I find the perfect one for me? But deep inside, I know the answer. My heart is taken.
I watch with growing apprehension as first Lavender, then Seamus, go up to the Mirror. They come out of it with tears and fright, respectively. What Lupin said is true…something in the Mirror damages a soul.
"Hermione Granger!" My hands go cold and clammy, and I hastily wipe them on my black robes, and stand up. I am scared, of course. What is everyone seeing? Some sort of monster, You-Know-Who or otherwise? Yet I'm also terribly excited. So few people ever get this kind of chance! Taking a deep breath, I hold my chin high and stride to the Mirror of Erised.
I choke in shock when I see it. No…no! Not now, not today, I cry to myself in my head, lunging for the Mirror. But of course it's today. November 24. His birthday. Benjamin's birthday.
Benjamin Patrickson, the boy who I had gone to school with since kindergarten. The boy who I had formed a crush on at age ten, my first love and my only love. The boy who I had to abandon for my magic.
~*~
I
never really knew him that well. I didn't really know anyone that well in grade
school. I was ostracized because of my obsession with reading, teased and
ridiculed every day. At first I would come home crying. Eventually, though, I
became hardened against it, until I could almost completely tune out their
jeers. Almost.
But there was one day,
in fifth grade. I was having the most horrid day. My father had yelled at me
for some reason or another, I left my meticulously done homework at my house,
and I had gotten an A minus on my science test. And then something else happened.
I remember it like it was yesterday…
I
stuffed my things roughly into my bag, eager to get home and have the day be
over. Saying a quick good-bye to my teacher, I ran out the door. I kept my eyes
fastened on my feet, not wanting to see their leering faces.
Suddenly,
I felt a pair of hands on my back. I tried to squirm away, but the hands had
already pushed and done their damage. I tumbled onto the concrete, my bag
flying. Spiteful laughter rang in my ears. And as I lay there, sprawled at the
feet of the person who had made me fall, I realized that I couldn't take this
cruelness any longer. And so, I started to cry.
The
sniggering grew louder, and my face grew hot with shame. I blindly tried to
gather my books together, tried to ignore the insults that slapped at me. And
then, I felt a packet of my papers being thrust into my hand. My head snapped
up, but I couldn't see who it was due to the haze of tears. The blurry image
stood up.
"What
are you doing?" the voice of the blur cried. "Why are you being so mean? What
did Hermione ever do to you?!" I rubbed at my eyes frantically, and finally
everything cleared. It was a boy with sandy colored hair and green eyes named
Benjamin, one of the most popular children in our class. And he was standing up
for me!
Ben
stooped down and held out his hand to me. Shaking, and wondering if this was
all a plot to hurt me more, I took it. He helped me up, and put a skinny arm
around my shoulder. He glared at the crowd that had assembled, fury twisting
his features. Slowly, with bewildered expressions, they dispersed. Once they
were all gone, he looked at me.
"Are
you okay?" Ben asked anxiously. And, looking at his face filled with worry, I
fell in love.
He walked me home that day, and the next morning, he was there to walk me to school. And from then on, we became steadfast friends.
We laughed together, played together, talked together, made our parents yell about the phone bills together. We became inseparable, and on the last day of that school year, he kissed me.
The next month, I think, was the happiest of my life. Our parents said that it was puppy love; nothing would ever come of it. We were only eleven; we had so much life ahead of us, etcetera, etcetera. But both of us knew that what we had was real. I never felt as free and confident as when I was with him.
And then I got my letter.
"So?"
Ben looked at me expectantly. "You said you wanted to tell me something?"
I
looked at him sadly. We were sitting on a bench in the middle of our local park.
The sun was shining, the babbling brook beside us was sparkling, and my heart
was breaking.
"Ben…"
I said slowly, trying to figure out how to say it so he wouldn't be too upset.
"I'm not going to Crotire." Crotire was the school nearby, which basically
everyone from our primary school was going to go to the following year. Shock
spread over my boyfriend's face.
"What
do you mean? Of course you're going!" His voice broke. "You have to!" I shook
my head, and he continued, "Where are you going?" The shards of my broken heart
scattered into the wind.
"I'm
going to…to Veriscroft." Hogwarts, actually. Not that I could tell him that.
"In London." Ben gasped.
"In
London? That's so far away from here! But…" desperation crept into his voice,
"We'll still see each other on the weekends and all, right?" I bit my lip.
"No.
It's a boarding school," I said quickly, eager to get this confrontation over
with. He froze, gazing at me. I fidgeted uncomfortably under his blatant stare.
Finally, he spoke.
"You'll
forget me. You'll find new friends, you'll find a new fellow," the earlier
pleading had left his voice, to be replaced by a bitter tone I had never heard
before, "and you'll forget all about me." Horror filled my soul. This was not
the reaction I had been expecting, not at all.
"Of
course I won't forget about you! I'll write you, every day-" He stood up, and I
stopped talking.
"Why are you doing this to me? Is it to hurt me? Is it because you want to see me break down and became a nervous wreck? Well, Hermione Granger, I'm not going to let you have that power over me. I'm leaving." And he walked away. I stared after him. And then I ended our relationship how it had begun. I cried.
I tried, God knows I tried, for the rest of that summer, to try and see him. But he was never home. His parents never told me where he was. He never answered the phone. I finally left my little town to go to Hogwarts. And I did meet new friends. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, the most wonderful friends I could have. But I never did forget about the most wonderful boyfriend I could have.
When I came home for that Christmas vacation, I immediately went over to his house. I resolved to throw the daft rules about witch-Muggle relations out the window, and tell him everything. But he wasn't at his house. A young American couple resided there, and when I asked them where the Patricksons had moved to, they said they had no idea. I anxiously ran around the whole neighborhood, asking where the family had gone. And no one had any idea. They had vanished without a trace. And I never saw Benjamin Patrickson again.
~*~
Except for now. Now I'm seeing him, now I'm seeing him in the Mirror. He is basically unchanged, only taller. Oh, and one more difference. He is in wizarding robes.
I recognize the setting instantly. The Great Hall. But it is set up differently, no tables, only rows and rows of chairs filled with people. The ceiling is a marvelous blue, "cloud" wisps scattered throughout. There is a large stage with a podium where the professors' table had been before.
Ben is standing there, with his arm around me. Me, looking a few months older than I am now. And both of us in wizard graduation robes, proudly holding diplomas high in the air.
And that is the whole image. Nothing's moving, no one's talking. Just me and him, graduating from Hogwarts together. That's it. And it's so much.
My heart wrenches as it remembers long-lost love. It remembers a sweet kiss never to be felt again. It remembers childish freedom and innocence. It remembers Ben.
"Ben," I whisper into the Mirror. And at that moment, I know deep down that I will never really love that way again. Sure, maybe I'll fall in love again someday and get married. But Ben is my soul mate. No person has two soul mates, just as no person has two souls.
A solitary tear rolls down my face. Just one salty tear, no others accompanying it, to help guide it along my cheek. And I, just a solitary girl, without anyone I love to accompany and guide me through life, remember.
A/N: Major thanks and huge schnoogles go out to: PixyChick, Rosmerta, magical *little* me, PEZ (sorry, I don't think I'm going to be doing Dumbledore. But maybe if I write a sequel series…), Adelina, Hermione L. Granger, Ayleeandra, Jabroniette, Carneluine, Sarah, Marshall, Blotty-on-a-tissue, Harry's Mum Lily, Nell-chan, Ash Night, erendis, Justin's Future Wife, Alex, dani, unknown sorcerer (do I know you? If not…how do you know my name?), and Ally (I'm on your favorite stories list?? Thank you!!!!).