A/N: Only one
more chapter after this one! Nothing belongs to me, though I wish it did. Ohhh,
how I would love to carry around the Harry Potter characters in my pocket…if
you need reassurance of your existence as a wonderful reviewer, thanks are at
the end.
Part One: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=179709
Part Two:
http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=184615
Part Three: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=189219
Quote of the Day: "The spoken
word lacks the authority of the written word."---Good Magician Humfrey, Question
Quest
The Deepest, Most Desperate Desire of Our Hearts, Ch. 04
My eyes widen as Professor Lupin unveils the Mirror of Erised. Reflecting sunlight makes the golden frame wink and twinkle. I give a half-smile, uncertain of what the properties of the Mirror actually are. Most people in the Defense Against the Dark Arts class are either nervous or excited. I start to grow eager to see what the magical object has in store for me.
I'm not nervous about most things, anymore. Ever since my parents passed away in 6th year, my Gryffindor qualities have started to emerge. The bravery that the Sorting Hat saw deep inside me rose up and guided me through the hardest time of my life. No one else could, since no one else knew except for the faculty. And the teachers knew that I wouldn't accept anyone's help, so they didn't try. I am respected more- I hold my head higher these days. I do it for my parents. No more Nervous Neville.
I remember the day in fourth year so well. The day the pain settled back into my mind, from where I had tried to push it away for so long.
~*~
I
hurried to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, tripping once or twice,
but getting there on time. I settled into a chair, a few seats behind and to
the left of Hermione Granger. As Professor Moody walked in, I was hit with a
small blast of fright at his appearance. But I calmed down, reminding myself
that this man was an Auror, just like…just like my father.
Moody began talking about our lesson
for the day. My attention started to wander, but snapped back when I heard
Moody mention curses. And I suddenly
realized what was coming. Moody asked us the names of the three Unforgivable
Curses. Ron Weasley raised his hand. For a heart-stopping moment, I thought he
would say…but, no. He mentioned the Imperius Curse. I stared at Moody as he
performed this curse on a spider. Realization dawned on me, along with horror…I
realized what would happen to the next spider.
And I knew that I could be the only
one to say it. Something in me forced my hand into the air, straining to raise
it higher than Hermione's. I truly don't know why I had to say it. It just
seemed right.
Moody's magical eye rested on me. He
asked. I answered. I answered as best as I could.
"There's one- the Cruciatus Curse,"
I had said. I had to try hard to keep my voice from shaking. Moody's eye
examined the register, and he asked me if my name was Longbottom. My breath
caught in my throat as I nodded timidly. Would he tell? Would this professor
tell the whole class my terrible secret, the one I have been keeping for so
long? But Moody turned away, towards the spider, and I relaxed a tiny bit. But
as he took the spider out, I grew incredibly tense again.
Moody made the spider bigger. He
just had to, I thought bitterly. Just so
I could see exactly what happened.
He pointed his wand, and whispered
the word that had changed my life forever.
"Crucio!"
And then I saw it. I saw, as if I had
been there, my poor parents being tortured. Screaming, twitching, and jerking
as the scene played before my eyes. I clutched my desk as the terror
overwhelmed me, as if the desk could pull me out of the gruesome memory.
"Stop it!" I heard a female voice
say somewhere…it sounded so far away. But as reality pulled me back into its
grip, I bent my head, trying to protect myself from the stares.
I didn't even pay attention for the
Killing Curse…or anything, for the rest of the lesson. The scene that I saw so
clearly in my mind's eye, tormenting me, playing out again and again…and over
and over…the screaming…oh, the screaming…
My body seemed to be functioning
without me, taking notes, leaving the classroom. I slowly tottered out, then
stopped. I didn't care. I just stared into a memory, my parents, and their last
moments of sanity.
I vaguely remember talking to Ron,
Harry, and Hermione…talking to Moody…everything went by in a blur. But as I lay
in bed that night, one word kept repeating itself over and over in my mind…
Crucio.
~*~
"Neville Longbottom!" I hear my name called. I burst out of
my reverie, and my heart starts to thud in my chest. What will I see? Just what
could I want more than anything in the world? I look around at the others in my
class, my light eyes lingering on the people who have already come and gone
from the Mirror. They stare blankly or mutter. Their movements have a strange
effect on me. Nausea starts to spin throughout my body. I know that I have seen
those actions before. But my thoughts about my parents vanish as I stand up and
walk toward the speculum. I face the Mirror, arms akimbo.
I stumble backwards when I see what, or who, is in the Mirror for me.
My hands start to tremble, and the world around me seems to blur and fade out.
I am seeing my fantasy. The one I still dream about every night.
A huge field spreads out before me, green and lush. The sun's radiance
echoes throughout the whole meadow, with only a few wispy clouds decorating the
sky. Woods stand in the distance, but friendlier than the Forbidden Forest. The
wind sweeps around the whole scene. Peals of laughter ring out. I feel an icy
hand clutch my heart as I see who it is.
A scene from my childhood, one of my earliest memories, one of the only
ones with my parents. Except, instead of being the age I actually was in my
memory, in the Mirror, I am 17. I am lying on the meadow, the tall grass almost
covering me completely. A woman, with long chestnut colored hair, leans over
the Mirror-me, gently tickling my chest. My mother. Behind her, looking on his
wife and son with love and admiration, sat a man with deep blue eyes. Frank, my
father. The Mirror-Neville suddenly sits up, and leans back into my mom's lap.
She smiles and gently puts her arms around her son. Mirror-Neville starts
eagerly talking to my father, and he responds with a huge grin. They all laugh.
Together.
The real me is overcome with rage and jealousy. How dare that imposter,
that identical me, invade on my most treasured memory? And why should he get to have alive and sane parents? I
deserve them, I've gone through thirteen years without them, while he obviously
has had them to himself his whole life! I need them more than he does, I need
them to keep me from going insane from lack of love. No one has ever really
loved me since the Day, as I call it. My life's Day of Judgement. The Day my
parents went mad. Gran likes me enough, but she is always annoyed with me, I
can tell. And Great Uncle Algie? How many people who really love you push you
off the end of the Blackpool pier? I have never even had a girlfriend. Ginny
Weasley went with me to Yule Ball in fourth and fifth year, but only because
neither of us had dates otherwise. No one has ever truly loved me despite my
clumsiness, despite my history, and just for who I am. How dare the boy who
lives in the Mirror get love and I don't?
The anger suddenly vanishes, only to be replaced with a new feeling.
Desperation. I need my parents. I need love, or I will end up just like they
did. I need it. I need it. I let out
a small cry and dive for the Mirror. I rake my fingers across it, trying to pry
out my mother and father, trying to make my life perfect, trying to find
acceptance and love.
I claw at the Mirror-Neville's face, trying frantically to replace him
with me. He is just a copy, a mirror image of me. I am the real one, with
feelings and needs. I need my parents more than anything. I need them more than
life itself. I raise my hand to smash the Mirror, let my parents out of their
prison inside it, when Professor Lupin catches my fist.
I jerk back to reality, my heart pounding. My breath comes in quick gasps, and I am shaking violently as I make my way back to my seat. My parents will never come back to me. I will never find love. I am gone from that world.
A/N: Major thanks and bunches of Slinkies (Slinkies
RULE!) go out to: Sarah (Ben isn't a jerk! He's just…misunderstood. *grin* And
don't try to argue with me, he's my character!), HGW, magical*little*me
(Amazing? Really? Thank you so much, you almighty…you. I love your fics.), ……(I
hereby name you "Ellipses-Man!" If you're not a man, you should have specified
that by giving a name.), KittyAngel & StarFig, Justin's Future Wife,
Giesbrecht, dani (long review! I love long reviews!), PEZ, Rosmerta (Yay! I
made another favorites list!), Dolores, Ash Night, PixyChick, and You-Don't-Know-Who.
Thank you and please review!