Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own them. Own me. Yeah. That's it. I own me. And Disney can
own their stuff too. This is just a fic and all I want to do is have some FUN!
Anime Theater: Murdering Movies Our Style: The Spastic Merman
Authoress: StingRaye'
A/N: This is SUPPOSED to be the stupidest show on earth...and if you think it is then I
succeeded.
~*~ Monday Morning ~*~
"Studio 15....15....WHERE THE HELL IS STUDIO 15? Dammit!" Shuu kicked the side
of a metal building, hearing it shake and rattle....He looked up at it nervously with his
large blue eyes, and in shock as the wall fell down.
**Crash**
"Uh....Hey! There's Studio 15!" Touma sweatdropped as Shuu ran to the Studio next
door, the sign above it saying, "Studio 15".
"Why are we doing this?" Rajura asked, messing with his eye patch.
"I don't know. Free candy?" Naaza replied, licking a sucker. Anubis looked annoyed.
"Gimme that!!" Anubis grabbed the sucker from Naaza and flung it far away, grinning to
himself. Naaza gave a pouty look and then ran after it.
"Baka." Shu'ten muttered to himself, following Touma and Shuu. Aarago just lumbered
by, silent. Shu'ten looked at the tall dark lord and grinned. 'Wonder what part Suiki'll give
him?' Shu'ten laughed out loud.
"Yo.......Kaosu....stay AWAY from me! I don't need to be whacked by that ring-staff-a-
ma-jigger-thingy!" Ryo called to the tall form across the stream. Kaosu pulled out his
staff and Ryo jumped. Byakuen ran ahead to the studio.
"Baka." Shu'ten said again, reaching the studio doors at the same time as Kaosu.
*WHACK*
"Itai...." Shu'ten whimpered, sinking to the ground, little stars dancing above his head.
Naaza ran past him, running from an angry Anubis with a grape Tootsie pop in his hair.
"Grrrar! I'll get you for that, kisama-gami!" Anubis pulled at the sucker in his hair. Naaza
giggled and ran into Kaosu's staff. Kaosu frowned.
*WHANG*
Naaza fell to the ground, little candies dancing before his eyes.
"How come your head makes a different sound than mine?" Shu'ten said, sitting up,
rubbing the large bump on his head.
"No brains." Kaosu said, pointing to Naaza. "Too much hair." Pointing to Shu'ten.
"HEY! And what does that make you?" Shu'ten stood up, angry smoke coming out of his
ears.
"Whacker person." Kaosu grinned and held up his staff.
*WHACK*
"Itai...what pretty birdies...." Shu'ten babbled, sinking to the floor for a second time.
Kaosu continued into the Studio 15.
"Heh heh....served you right." Ryo stepped over the two prostrate bodies, laughing.
"Whatever." Kayura stomped right on Shu'ten's stomach, and then on the-spot-that-hurts
on Naaza.
They lay there for another 15 minutes.
When everyone was inside, Suiki was standing on a chair holding a megaphone, trying to
stop everyone from talking.
The noise was deafening, because they were all fighting with each other.
"Awww! Touma! Give me a KISS PWEASE?! I love you!!!" Kayura was squeezing
Touma around the midsection.
"Can't....breathe...." Touma was turning the color of his hair.
"Give that BACK! IT'S MINE!" Shuu was pulling the sucker from Anubis' hair.
"ITAI! DAMMIT SHUU! I'LL KICK YOUR SORRY ASS!" Anubis had his hands
around Shuu's throat, trying in vain to strangle Shuu as his hair was being pulled out.
"Gimme gimme gimme!" Naaza was trying to take a bowl of candy from Ryo.
"DAMMIT NAAZA! With you on a sugar high, we'll all be DEAD!" Ryo holds the bowl
even higher. Naaza begins screaming like a little kid.
"GRRRRAAARRR!" Byakuen had Nasuti's arm in his jaws, trying to bite it but not
liking the perfume she was wearing. Jun was hitting Byakuen on the head with a plastic
hammer he got from God-knows-where.
"Oh Ryo! Help me! Help Me!" Nasuti was screaming like an overgrown mutated chicken
wearing a bone around its neck and not getting any attention at all.
"WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?! OR ELSE I'LL PUT ONE OF YOU
IN A YAOI SCENE WITH AARAGO!!" Suiki shouted as loud as she could. (Which is
very loud.)
All stopped.
Sai, Zell, Rinoa, Squall, and Nokosu all pull out earplugs.
"Is it over?" Rinoa asked, pulling a HUGE length of cotton from her ear.
"Yeah....I can't hear that well. What did you say, Suiki?" Zell said, turning his head to the
left and then the right, as if clearing his ears.
"You....you wouldn't do that to US would you, Suiki?" Seiji said, just now coming in and
looking very shocked.
"CAN WE PLEASE GET ON WITH THIS MOVIE?" Suiki yelled putting the
megaphone away.
"Hai!" All are cowering.
"All right. Zell is the role manager. He'll tell you the roles you get. Nokosu is in charge of
the camera. Rinoa is the costumes and make-up person. Squall is handling lights and
sound effects. The rest of you get to be actors." Suiki smiled sweetly, thinking she
wanted to kill them all.
"Okay...what about you?" Anubis spoke up.
"I'm the director."
Everyone but the crew ran off and hid.
Picking up her megaphone, Suiki yelled again, "GET YOUR SORRY ASSES BACK
HERE NOW! IT'S NOT GONNA BE THAT BAD!"
Everyone returned, half deaf.
"Okay then...who gets what role?" Kayura asked. "I want to be the princess!"
"We're a little short on girls, so some of the guys will have to play girl's parts." Zell
cleared his throat.
All waited.
"The movie we're doing is...." Zell paused and blinked. He turned the papers a few times
and coughed. Looking at Suiki with big eyes, he frowned.
"You sure you're not on crack, Suiki-chan?" Zell asked her.
"I'm sure." Suiki rolled her eyes.
"What about that time yo-" Seiji got a swift kick in the face and Suiki smiled sweetly,
grinding her teeth at the same time.
"Itai....' Seiji groaned from the ground.
"The Little Mermaid." Zell sighed.
"NANI?!" Everyone but Suiki shouted.
"Okay! Call out the roles, Zell!" Suiki instructed before anyone could react. Zell looked
annoyed and was thankful HE wasn't in this screwed movie.
"Shu'ten - You're Flounder." Zell snickered.
"Okay...." Shu'ten crawled to the dressing room.
"Aarago- You're King Triton."
Aarago silently followed Shu'ten.
"Shuu-You are....um...oh yeah. You're Sebastian."
"Whatever. I have to BE food now." Shuu stalked off to the dressing rooms.
"Naaza, Kaosu, Anubis, Rajura, You guys get to be Ariel's sisters."
"WHAT?" All four of them said at once.
"I whacker sister...." Kaosu said before going to the dressing rooms. Trying to hit Zell
before he went. Zell ducked.
"So stupid...."
"Ick ick ick...."
"Do they eat candy?"
Zell rolled his eyes at these remarks. Then he continued.
"Ryo.... You're the prince. Byakuen is your dog." Zell chuckled until the large cat
pounced on him and growled.
"A prince? Oh at least I have a 'normal' part!" Ryo ran off for the dressing rooms.
"Well...what about the rest of us?" Seiji inquired. Zell pushed the tiger off of his chest
and stood up.
"Seiji, Touma, you guys are those eel things."
"I love eating eels!" Touma said, jumping up and down.
"Shut up moron. Quit thinking about your stomach for once." Seiji stomped off, Touma
not far behind.
"Kayura.... you are the witch."
"Whatever..." Kayura ran off.
"Nasuti….you're the princess the Prince THINKS he's falling in love with." Zell began
laughing. 'Idiot girl.' He thought.
"Oi! How wonderful!" Nasuti pranced away.
"Jun….you're that seagull thingy. Um…er….Scuttle, I think." Zell frowned slightly.
Why were English names so damn screwed?
"Whatever! Hee hee hee! Mwee hee ehee!" Jun ran off, sounding like a broken Cuckoo
clock.
"What about me?" Sai asked, realizing just what part was left.
"You are..." Zell cracked a smile.
"HOLY SHIT! I'm ARIEL?!" Sai fell over.
"Uh yeah. Sai, koi? You okay?" Suiki leaned over her boyfriend.
"Dammit Suiki! You said I wasn't going to do anything stupid!" Sai grabs her by her red
hair. "You should be Ariel! You have the red hair!! You should let ME direct!" Sai going
nuts.
"Itai! Sai! Koi, it's just a funny little movie! Don't stress!" Suiki actually manages to get
away from him. "Damn....thought you were gonna die on me or something....sheesh.."
She rubs her throat to make it feel better. Sai looks down at the ground.
"I am NOT wearing a shell BRA!" Sai said firmly.
"Um........Rinoa will fix you up, okay? See you in 15 minutes no less!" Suiki called after
him as he stalked away, fuming.
"He'll get over it." Suiki shrugged.
"I'd hope so. Zell would KILL anyone who did that to him." Nokosu chuckled.
"Yeah, I would." Zell idly punched the air.
"I'd kill to see him in a shell bra, that's for sure." Suiki giggled as Zell threw a light punch
towards her and hit a pole instead.
"Whatever." Zell turned back to the script
~*~ 15 minutes later ~*~
"THIS IS ABSOLUTLEY RIDICULOUS!"
"CANDY!!!"
"Ick ick ick! Red is SO not my color!"
"EEEEK! I look great as a squid!"
"Is this supposed to be flattering...or what? I look like a sick piece of innertube for a
bicycle."
"What is this thing on my head?"
"I look gorgeous!"
"I say we kill Ryo now..."
"Grrrwoooof!"
"The tiger has gone mad..."
"Easy for you to say!"
"Whack ugly girl."
*WHAM*
"Ow....."
"............"
Suiki and Nokosu stared in disbelief. They looked so funny.
Shu'ten was all blue and yellow with a funny tail sticking out of his butt.
Aarago was wearing his top half of his armor, a trident, a crown, and a white beard.
Shuu was dressed in a red sweat suit with claw gloves. He was wearing buggy antenna on
his head.
Naaza, Kaosu, Anubis, and Rajura were wearing different colored tank tops and funny
looking fin-like skirts.
Ryo looked absolutely gorgeous as a prince in a open necked shirt and tight blue
jeans....(Stares)
Byakuen was wearing a huge shaggy rug on his back.
Touma and Seiji looked like deflated scraps of tire rubber.
Kayura was a decidedly ugly piece of something that the cat drug in with eight arms.
Nasuti looked like something from a Cher concert.
Jun looked like a featherduster with a multiple personality disorder.
Sai was.... pretty. In a wig, a flesh colored shirt with a shell bra on it in purple, and pretty
glittery fins, he made an excellent Ariel.
"Don't they look great!?" Rinoa said happily.
"Whatever, Rin-rin." Squall tried to stop from laughing.
"Can we PLEASE get this over with??" Sai whined.
"This'll be the short version. Just a really little summary of the movie, kay?" Suiki said,
hoping to make him feel better.
"Fine." All of them said.
"ACTION! Nokosu is your narrator!" Suiki said, sitting in her chair, holding a few cue
cards.
"..............." Aarago sitting on his throne in a cheap scenery booth, fake bubbles floating
everywhere.
"Father! This is injustice! (Damn..why the hell do I sound like Wufei?) I am 16 years old!
I think a guy---er girl can do whatever the hell she wants by then!" Sai is waddling
around in the room, talking to no one in particular.
"............."
"Humans aren't bad!"
"............."
"Say something, Dammit!"
"..........."
"Father! You are SO unfair!! Mmph!" Sai tries to exit scene but falls over and lands on
Shuu.
"Crap you weigh a ton fish girl! I mean..boy! Er...girl!" Shuu is puzzled for a minute.
"Ow! Your claw pinched me! Let me go!" Sai kicks Shuu.
"Dammit Sai! You are so DEAD!" Big fight started.
"Um...next scene?" Zell says uncertainly as Suiki falls out of her chair.
"Yeah yeah...." Faint voice from Suiki.
~*~
"This is a most beautiful day." Ryo on board a ship, cheap night scene.
"(groan) I hate my life...." Sai is climbing up side of ship only using his arms.
"Max, Quit barking. I can't hear that seaweed talking about how miserable it's life is."
Ryo slams Byakuen on the head with a huge pole.
"Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgrrrrrrr......" o_0 Byakuen sinks to ground under rug thing on his back.
"Seaweed my ass.....Oh...what a lovely human!" Sai goes back to acting, sitting on a rope
tied to the cardboard ship.
"I wonder......when will I find my future bride. Red-seaweed thing, can you tell me?" Ryo
leaned over the edge and looked at Sai's wig.
"Yeah Dumbass....Don't marry Nasuti Yagyu. Her cooking can kill. And not to mention
she's as ugly as an elephant's ass." Sai replied tersely.
"Thanks, baka-gami, seaweed thingy. I'll remember not to get close to Princess
Yagyu....." Ryo steps on rope on deck, making the ship fall down.
"K'so!" Sai fell into the floor, painted blue to look like water. "Damn...call my
agent.....ugnnn....."
"Help! I'm drowning! Help!" Ryo running around the stage, acting like a moronic idiot.
"Stand up. You're on the floor." Sai said, irritated.
Zell tried not to laugh. Then he pulled a rope next to him, and a shower of paper clippings
fall down.
"Oh.....the HELL? What the f-??" Ryo stops running around, Sai stands up the best he
can in his tight fin thingies, and the two of them start singing.
"Oops we did it again! We messed up the stage, Now Suiki's gonna rage! Ooops the
snow is falling, You know how bad we siiiiiiiing! We didn't do it!"
Zell fell onto the floor, convulsing with laughter.
"I feel like...I've been in a dream!" Ryo, supposedly on shore.
"This is more like a nightmare, Prince 'I've-not-got-a-brain-and-have-been-drinking-too-
much-sake-at-sea!!'" Sai snorted.
"Aren't you supposed to sing?" Ryo asked puzzled.
"Over my dead body! Never! Just let Nasuti find you and fall in love with her. This
mermaid is go-o-one." Sai crawled off the stage.
"Um...oh yeah. What a beautiful vision. Some beautiful creature has rescued me from my
pitiful plight at sea!" Ryo does some dramatic poses, and Byakuen tackles him, minus the
rug.
Ryo notices Sai left. "Oh yeah...right..Um...well, hell. I'll just have to find the damn girl
and marry her." Ryo said from the floor. He shoved the cat off, got up and walked off the
stage, muttering.
"Um....this ISN'T Shakespeare, Ryo-chan!" Suiki's voice could be heard from side stage.
"Shut up! You're messing this up really bad!" Zell could be heard hissing.
"I don't give a damn! It's totally screwed anyway! Disney is going to love it!" Suiki could
be heard dancing around.
"I'll slap you silly, girl. Let's get on with the next scene,....please?" Nokosu asked, half
laughing.
"Allright. Seabitch---I mean witch--time!" Suiki was heard running around, then several
crashes.
"Oh shit! You knocked over that really UGLY paper mache statue of Ryo that didn't even
look like Ryo!" Zell laughed.
"Oh shut up. I'll knock that fricken tattoo off your smiling face if you don't get on with
the third scene." Squall complained and threatened at the same time.
"Whatever. Scene 3!" Zell called.
~*~
"I have to SING? You must be nuts but here goes......" Shuu clears his throat and begins
singing.....
"Suiki's parodies are so friggin' screwed, She's the worst and best director I ever knew,
everybody supposed to laugh and play, now's the time to throw Friggin' Barney away!"
"Um...whatever." Sai said, eyeing Shuu with a weird look on his face.
"Hey....you try wearing this outfit. It's itchy." Shuu scratched his butt.
"Dammit! This is even worse! And if you don't quit scratching your ass, I'll get Aarago to
shove that bad-ass trident up it!" Sai said, acting like a very rude mermaid.
"Sorry. Shit, you're grouchy. Is that bra to tight or what?" Shuu poked Sai in the chest
with his claw.
"You perverted jackoff! I'm going to see the Seabitch." Sai crawled off the stage. Shu'ten
comes running in, with the four sister mermaids behind.
"Oh Ariel! Don't go! You're sisters will tell on you!" Shu'ten said, in a silly voice.
"Aw...shut up! I don't want anything to do with that red-headed bitch." Rajura
immediately get a directors chair thrown at him from side stage.
"Itai..." Rajura slumps off stage.
"Knock knock." Kaosu lifted his now be-ribboned staff and whacks the other two over
the head.
"Candy...." Naaza thought of last before falling down.
"Ouch." Was all Anubis could get out.
"Come. Tell 'Father' about Ariel." Grabbing the two by their hair, Kaosu drug them off
the stage.
"Oh, evil Seabitch! What can I do?! I am so unhappy! If I could be a two legged person, I
could marry the prince!" Sai said sarcastically.
"Gimme that red wig and it's a deal." Kayura held out a warty blue hand.
"Ew. What is that?" Sai pointed at her hand, making a face.
"Stage make up. Now...hand over the wig." Kayura snatches the red wig from Sai's head.
"Much better. Now...to go to surface and fourth scene." Sai hops off of the stage.
"I am SO beautiful! I always wanted to know how come red-heads were so pretty!"
Kayura admires herself some more in a broken mirror.
"Missstresss.....what do you want us to do?" Seiji and Touma come up, trying to act like
eels.
"Ick..what the hell are you two supposed to be?" Kayura grimaced at the two, who were
making weird movements across the floor.
"Eels...duh!" Seiji retorted.
"You look like something from an MC Hammer concert." Kayura laughed.
"O~hohohohohoho!"
MC Hammer's 'Don't touch that!' starts playing and all three of them dance.
"What the hell? SQUALL!" Suiki yelled at the boy in the sound booth. The idiot actually
grinned back at her.
"Whoo hoo!" Seiji and Kayura started doing the freak.
"Oi....okay.let's just get to the next scene.." Nokosu groaned. Rinoa actually
appeared from the dressing room again, wearing some weird outfit, like a cape with a
cowl on it.
"May the dark side be with you..." Rinoa cackled, pulling out a plastic light saber.
"You've been watching 'Phantom Menace' again, haven't you?" Zell asked the
hyperactive teen.
"May the force of my foot in your ass behind you stay in your memory!" Suiki kicked the
light saber out of Rinoa's hand. Rinoa looked shocked and giggled.
"Okay! Scene four!" Squall called down to the three of them.
"All right! Finally!" They could hear Anubis saying in the backround.
"Baka." Shu'ten said back.
**WHAM***
**WHACK**
*WHANG*
"ITAI!"
"MAD KAOSU!"
"RUN!"
"Oh boy….next scene…PLEASE!" Nokosu moaned again.
"ACK! HELP HELP HELPHELPHELPHELP MEEEEEEH!" Ryo came running in,
hands on his head, an angry Kaosu trying to whack him over the head with his ancients
staff.
Nokosu jumped off of her perch behind the camera, tripped Kaosu, sat on his stomach,
took Jun's plastic hammer and beat Kaosu silly with it, and returned to the camera in
under 30 seconds.
All stare at her.
"What? You've never seen a pissed Galbadian before? Geez, people." Nokosu settled
herself back into her seat.
"Um…..Scene 4! Action!" Zell called out as Suiki fell out of her chair for the millionth
time.
~*~
"Um……wait! I need some clothes! There is NO WAY I am going without some
clothes." Sai stood behind a cardboard tree, peeking out.
"Um…I am Scuttle! The annoying seabird! Mwee hee hee!" Jun came running onto the
scene, like a phycopathic feather duster.
"GET ME SOME CLOTHES YOU LITTLE TWERP!" Sai yelled at the boy.
"NO! You can stay nakee! The prince is coming! Mwee hee hee!" Jun ran around the
stage several times.
"You little jackass!" Grabbing Jun by the collar, Sai pulled him behind the tree.
Jun came running out in little teddy bare boxers.
Sai came out wearing a dress made of feathers.
"This is going to be so damned screwed…." Zell said for the fiftieth time that day.
"Um…..what do I do now?" Sai hissed to Suiki.
"Wait for Ryo." She hissed back.
"Okay. RYO RYO RYO!" Sai called loudly. Stumbling noises and cursing could be
heard.
Ryo came in riding on Byakuen.
"WHOA! KITTY! I mean MAX! STOP!" Ryo was being thrown all over the place, by a
bucking tiger.
"Stop it you mangy alley cat before I shove my trident up your-meep!" Sai stopped his
ranting when Suiki appeared before him, holding her directors chair which somehow
magically came to her when she needed it.
"Okay…just get it over with, koi?" Suiki said, breathing REALLY hard.
"Eep. Yeah. Right." Sai snapped right out of his bad mood.
The rest of the movie went well. There were only five costume mix ups, two bomb
incidents, a mauling by Byakuen, Suiki's chair thrown four more times, and a huge
assortment of music mixes in the movie, thanks to Squall.
~*~
Last scene….
"THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO KISS RYO!" Sai yelled, wearing a
white wedding dress.
The rest of the cast snickered.
"I AM NOT KISSING HIM EITHER!" Ryo shouted, wearing a tuxedo.
"I have a solution." Suiki ran off, yelling for Rinoa.
Five minutes later, she came back, wearing a black wig and tuxedo.
"Kay..Ryo, I'm you're stunt double. I'll kiss Sai and end this movie." Suiki pushed Ryo
out of the way.
Sai smiled and the two kissed.
……..
…….
…….
"Okay! End of movie here!" Zell shouted into the megaphone.
"Sheesh…don't they get enough of that on dates?" Squall muttered coming out of the
sound booth.
"Anyway…..End of THAT movie." Everyone went home….except Sai and Suiki….still
on stage….o_o.
~*~Owari for that movie~*~
~*~
A/N: Kay guys. You'd better review, cause if you don't I'll just take this story off and I
won't do 'Superstar' next. It has some help from GW. That one is the one I'm looking
forward too. So please REVIEW! PLEASE!
StingRaye'
own their stuff too. This is just a fic and all I want to do is have some FUN!
Anime Theater: Murdering Movies Our Style: The Spastic Merman
Authoress: StingRaye'
A/N: This is SUPPOSED to be the stupidest show on earth...and if you think it is then I
succeeded.
~*~ Monday Morning ~*~
"Studio 15....15....WHERE THE HELL IS STUDIO 15? Dammit!" Shuu kicked the side
of a metal building, hearing it shake and rattle....He looked up at it nervously with his
large blue eyes, and in shock as the wall fell down.
**Crash**
"Uh....Hey! There's Studio 15!" Touma sweatdropped as Shuu ran to the Studio next
door, the sign above it saying, "Studio 15".
"Why are we doing this?" Rajura asked, messing with his eye patch.
"I don't know. Free candy?" Naaza replied, licking a sucker. Anubis looked annoyed.
"Gimme that!!" Anubis grabbed the sucker from Naaza and flung it far away, grinning to
himself. Naaza gave a pouty look and then ran after it.
"Baka." Shu'ten muttered to himself, following Touma and Shuu. Aarago just lumbered
by, silent. Shu'ten looked at the tall dark lord and grinned. 'Wonder what part Suiki'll give
him?' Shu'ten laughed out loud.
"Yo.......Kaosu....stay AWAY from me! I don't need to be whacked by that ring-staff-a-
ma-jigger-thingy!" Ryo called to the tall form across the stream. Kaosu pulled out his
staff and Ryo jumped. Byakuen ran ahead to the studio.
"Baka." Shu'ten said again, reaching the studio doors at the same time as Kaosu.
*WHACK*
"Itai...." Shu'ten whimpered, sinking to the ground, little stars dancing above his head.
Naaza ran past him, running from an angry Anubis with a grape Tootsie pop in his hair.
"Grrrar! I'll get you for that, kisama-gami!" Anubis pulled at the sucker in his hair. Naaza
giggled and ran into Kaosu's staff. Kaosu frowned.
*WHANG*
Naaza fell to the ground, little candies dancing before his eyes.
"How come your head makes a different sound than mine?" Shu'ten said, sitting up,
rubbing the large bump on his head.
"No brains." Kaosu said, pointing to Naaza. "Too much hair." Pointing to Shu'ten.
"HEY! And what does that make you?" Shu'ten stood up, angry smoke coming out of his
ears.
"Whacker person." Kaosu grinned and held up his staff.
*WHACK*
"Itai...what pretty birdies...." Shu'ten babbled, sinking to the floor for a second time.
Kaosu continued into the Studio 15.
"Heh heh....served you right." Ryo stepped over the two prostrate bodies, laughing.
"Whatever." Kayura stomped right on Shu'ten's stomach, and then on the-spot-that-hurts
on Naaza.
They lay there for another 15 minutes.
When everyone was inside, Suiki was standing on a chair holding a megaphone, trying to
stop everyone from talking.
The noise was deafening, because they were all fighting with each other.
"Awww! Touma! Give me a KISS PWEASE?! I love you!!!" Kayura was squeezing
Touma around the midsection.
"Can't....breathe...." Touma was turning the color of his hair.
"Give that BACK! IT'S MINE!" Shuu was pulling the sucker from Anubis' hair.
"ITAI! DAMMIT SHUU! I'LL KICK YOUR SORRY ASS!" Anubis had his hands
around Shuu's throat, trying in vain to strangle Shuu as his hair was being pulled out.
"Gimme gimme gimme!" Naaza was trying to take a bowl of candy from Ryo.
"DAMMIT NAAZA! With you on a sugar high, we'll all be DEAD!" Ryo holds the bowl
even higher. Naaza begins screaming like a little kid.
"GRRRRAAARRR!" Byakuen had Nasuti's arm in his jaws, trying to bite it but not
liking the perfume she was wearing. Jun was hitting Byakuen on the head with a plastic
hammer he got from God-knows-where.
"Oh Ryo! Help me! Help Me!" Nasuti was screaming like an overgrown mutated chicken
wearing a bone around its neck and not getting any attention at all.
"WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?! OR ELSE I'LL PUT ONE OF YOU
IN A YAOI SCENE WITH AARAGO!!" Suiki shouted as loud as she could. (Which is
very loud.)
All stopped.
Sai, Zell, Rinoa, Squall, and Nokosu all pull out earplugs.
"Is it over?" Rinoa asked, pulling a HUGE length of cotton from her ear.
"Yeah....I can't hear that well. What did you say, Suiki?" Zell said, turning his head to the
left and then the right, as if clearing his ears.
"You....you wouldn't do that to US would you, Suiki?" Seiji said, just now coming in and
looking very shocked.
"CAN WE PLEASE GET ON WITH THIS MOVIE?" Suiki yelled putting the
megaphone away.
"Hai!" All are cowering.
"All right. Zell is the role manager. He'll tell you the roles you get. Nokosu is in charge of
the camera. Rinoa is the costumes and make-up person. Squall is handling lights and
sound effects. The rest of you get to be actors." Suiki smiled sweetly, thinking she
wanted to kill them all.
"Okay...what about you?" Anubis spoke up.
"I'm the director."
Everyone but the crew ran off and hid.
Picking up her megaphone, Suiki yelled again, "GET YOUR SORRY ASSES BACK
HERE NOW! IT'S NOT GONNA BE THAT BAD!"
Everyone returned, half deaf.
"Okay then...who gets what role?" Kayura asked. "I want to be the princess!"
"We're a little short on girls, so some of the guys will have to play girl's parts." Zell
cleared his throat.
All waited.
"The movie we're doing is...." Zell paused and blinked. He turned the papers a few times
and coughed. Looking at Suiki with big eyes, he frowned.
"You sure you're not on crack, Suiki-chan?" Zell asked her.
"I'm sure." Suiki rolled her eyes.
"What about that time yo-" Seiji got a swift kick in the face and Suiki smiled sweetly,
grinding her teeth at the same time.
"Itai....' Seiji groaned from the ground.
"The Little Mermaid." Zell sighed.
"NANI?!" Everyone but Suiki shouted.
"Okay! Call out the roles, Zell!" Suiki instructed before anyone could react. Zell looked
annoyed and was thankful HE wasn't in this screwed movie.
"Shu'ten - You're Flounder." Zell snickered.
"Okay...." Shu'ten crawled to the dressing room.
"Aarago- You're King Triton."
Aarago silently followed Shu'ten.
"Shuu-You are....um...oh yeah. You're Sebastian."
"Whatever. I have to BE food now." Shuu stalked off to the dressing rooms.
"Naaza, Kaosu, Anubis, Rajura, You guys get to be Ariel's sisters."
"WHAT?" All four of them said at once.
"I whacker sister...." Kaosu said before going to the dressing rooms. Trying to hit Zell
before he went. Zell ducked.
"So stupid...."
"Ick ick ick...."
"Do they eat candy?"
Zell rolled his eyes at these remarks. Then he continued.
"Ryo.... You're the prince. Byakuen is your dog." Zell chuckled until the large cat
pounced on him and growled.
"A prince? Oh at least I have a 'normal' part!" Ryo ran off for the dressing rooms.
"Well...what about the rest of us?" Seiji inquired. Zell pushed the tiger off of his chest
and stood up.
"Seiji, Touma, you guys are those eel things."
"I love eating eels!" Touma said, jumping up and down.
"Shut up moron. Quit thinking about your stomach for once." Seiji stomped off, Touma
not far behind.
"Kayura.... you are the witch."
"Whatever..." Kayura ran off.
"Nasuti….you're the princess the Prince THINKS he's falling in love with." Zell began
laughing. 'Idiot girl.' He thought.
"Oi! How wonderful!" Nasuti pranced away.
"Jun….you're that seagull thingy. Um…er….Scuttle, I think." Zell frowned slightly.
Why were English names so damn screwed?
"Whatever! Hee hee hee! Mwee hee ehee!" Jun ran off, sounding like a broken Cuckoo
clock.
"What about me?" Sai asked, realizing just what part was left.
"You are..." Zell cracked a smile.
"HOLY SHIT! I'm ARIEL?!" Sai fell over.
"Uh yeah. Sai, koi? You okay?" Suiki leaned over her boyfriend.
"Dammit Suiki! You said I wasn't going to do anything stupid!" Sai grabs her by her red
hair. "You should be Ariel! You have the red hair!! You should let ME direct!" Sai going
nuts.
"Itai! Sai! Koi, it's just a funny little movie! Don't stress!" Suiki actually manages to get
away from him. "Damn....thought you were gonna die on me or something....sheesh.."
She rubs her throat to make it feel better. Sai looks down at the ground.
"I am NOT wearing a shell BRA!" Sai said firmly.
"Um........Rinoa will fix you up, okay? See you in 15 minutes no less!" Suiki called after
him as he stalked away, fuming.
"He'll get over it." Suiki shrugged.
"I'd hope so. Zell would KILL anyone who did that to him." Nokosu chuckled.
"Yeah, I would." Zell idly punched the air.
"I'd kill to see him in a shell bra, that's for sure." Suiki giggled as Zell threw a light punch
towards her and hit a pole instead.
"Whatever." Zell turned back to the script
~*~ 15 minutes later ~*~
"THIS IS ABSOLUTLEY RIDICULOUS!"
"CANDY!!!"
"Ick ick ick! Red is SO not my color!"
"EEEEK! I look great as a squid!"
"Is this supposed to be flattering...or what? I look like a sick piece of innertube for a
bicycle."
"What is this thing on my head?"
"I look gorgeous!"
"I say we kill Ryo now..."
"Grrrwoooof!"
"The tiger has gone mad..."
"Easy for you to say!"
"Whack ugly girl."
*WHAM*
"Ow....."
"............"
Suiki and Nokosu stared in disbelief. They looked so funny.
Shu'ten was all blue and yellow with a funny tail sticking out of his butt.
Aarago was wearing his top half of his armor, a trident, a crown, and a white beard.
Shuu was dressed in a red sweat suit with claw gloves. He was wearing buggy antenna on
his head.
Naaza, Kaosu, Anubis, and Rajura were wearing different colored tank tops and funny
looking fin-like skirts.
Ryo looked absolutely gorgeous as a prince in a open necked shirt and tight blue
jeans....(Stares)
Byakuen was wearing a huge shaggy rug on his back.
Touma and Seiji looked like deflated scraps of tire rubber.
Kayura was a decidedly ugly piece of something that the cat drug in with eight arms.
Nasuti looked like something from a Cher concert.
Jun looked like a featherduster with a multiple personality disorder.
Sai was.... pretty. In a wig, a flesh colored shirt with a shell bra on it in purple, and pretty
glittery fins, he made an excellent Ariel.
"Don't they look great!?" Rinoa said happily.
"Whatever, Rin-rin." Squall tried to stop from laughing.
"Can we PLEASE get this over with??" Sai whined.
"This'll be the short version. Just a really little summary of the movie, kay?" Suiki said,
hoping to make him feel better.
"Fine." All of them said.
"ACTION! Nokosu is your narrator!" Suiki said, sitting in her chair, holding a few cue
cards.
"..............." Aarago sitting on his throne in a cheap scenery booth, fake bubbles floating
everywhere.
"Father! This is injustice! (Damn..why the hell do I sound like Wufei?) I am 16 years old!
I think a guy---er girl can do whatever the hell she wants by then!" Sai is waddling
around in the room, talking to no one in particular.
"............."
"Humans aren't bad!"
"............."
"Say something, Dammit!"
"..........."
"Father! You are SO unfair!! Mmph!" Sai tries to exit scene but falls over and lands on
Shuu.
"Crap you weigh a ton fish girl! I mean..boy! Er...girl!" Shuu is puzzled for a minute.
"Ow! Your claw pinched me! Let me go!" Sai kicks Shuu.
"Dammit Sai! You are so DEAD!" Big fight started.
"Um...next scene?" Zell says uncertainly as Suiki falls out of her chair.
"Yeah yeah...." Faint voice from Suiki.
~*~
"This is a most beautiful day." Ryo on board a ship, cheap night scene.
"(groan) I hate my life...." Sai is climbing up side of ship only using his arms.
"Max, Quit barking. I can't hear that seaweed talking about how miserable it's life is."
Ryo slams Byakuen on the head with a huge pole.
"Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgrrrrrrr......" o_0 Byakuen sinks to ground under rug thing on his back.
"Seaweed my ass.....Oh...what a lovely human!" Sai goes back to acting, sitting on a rope
tied to the cardboard ship.
"I wonder......when will I find my future bride. Red-seaweed thing, can you tell me?" Ryo
leaned over the edge and looked at Sai's wig.
"Yeah Dumbass....Don't marry Nasuti Yagyu. Her cooking can kill. And not to mention
she's as ugly as an elephant's ass." Sai replied tersely.
"Thanks, baka-gami, seaweed thingy. I'll remember not to get close to Princess
Yagyu....." Ryo steps on rope on deck, making the ship fall down.
"K'so!" Sai fell into the floor, painted blue to look like water. "Damn...call my
agent.....ugnnn....."
"Help! I'm drowning! Help!" Ryo running around the stage, acting like a moronic idiot.
"Stand up. You're on the floor." Sai said, irritated.
Zell tried not to laugh. Then he pulled a rope next to him, and a shower of paper clippings
fall down.
"Oh.....the HELL? What the f-??" Ryo stops running around, Sai stands up the best he
can in his tight fin thingies, and the two of them start singing.
"Oops we did it again! We messed up the stage, Now Suiki's gonna rage! Ooops the
snow is falling, You know how bad we siiiiiiiing! We didn't do it!"
Zell fell onto the floor, convulsing with laughter.
"I feel like...I've been in a dream!" Ryo, supposedly on shore.
"This is more like a nightmare, Prince 'I've-not-got-a-brain-and-have-been-drinking-too-
much-sake-at-sea!!'" Sai snorted.
"Aren't you supposed to sing?" Ryo asked puzzled.
"Over my dead body! Never! Just let Nasuti find you and fall in love with her. This
mermaid is go-o-one." Sai crawled off the stage.
"Um...oh yeah. What a beautiful vision. Some beautiful creature has rescued me from my
pitiful plight at sea!" Ryo does some dramatic poses, and Byakuen tackles him, minus the
rug.
Ryo notices Sai left. "Oh yeah...right..Um...well, hell. I'll just have to find the damn girl
and marry her." Ryo said from the floor. He shoved the cat off, got up and walked off the
stage, muttering.
"Um....this ISN'T Shakespeare, Ryo-chan!" Suiki's voice could be heard from side stage.
"Shut up! You're messing this up really bad!" Zell could be heard hissing.
"I don't give a damn! It's totally screwed anyway! Disney is going to love it!" Suiki could
be heard dancing around.
"I'll slap you silly, girl. Let's get on with the next scene,....please?" Nokosu asked, half
laughing.
"Allright. Seabitch---I mean witch--time!" Suiki was heard running around, then several
crashes.
"Oh shit! You knocked over that really UGLY paper mache statue of Ryo that didn't even
look like Ryo!" Zell laughed.
"Oh shut up. I'll knock that fricken tattoo off your smiling face if you don't get on with
the third scene." Squall complained and threatened at the same time.
"Whatever. Scene 3!" Zell called.
~*~
"I have to SING? You must be nuts but here goes......" Shuu clears his throat and begins
singing.....
"Suiki's parodies are so friggin' screwed, She's the worst and best director I ever knew,
everybody supposed to laugh and play, now's the time to throw Friggin' Barney away!"
"Um...whatever." Sai said, eyeing Shuu with a weird look on his face.
"Hey....you try wearing this outfit. It's itchy." Shuu scratched his butt.
"Dammit! This is even worse! And if you don't quit scratching your ass, I'll get Aarago to
shove that bad-ass trident up it!" Sai said, acting like a very rude mermaid.
"Sorry. Shit, you're grouchy. Is that bra to tight or what?" Shuu poked Sai in the chest
with his claw.
"You perverted jackoff! I'm going to see the Seabitch." Sai crawled off the stage. Shu'ten
comes running in, with the four sister mermaids behind.
"Oh Ariel! Don't go! You're sisters will tell on you!" Shu'ten said, in a silly voice.
"Aw...shut up! I don't want anything to do with that red-headed bitch." Rajura
immediately get a directors chair thrown at him from side stage.
"Itai..." Rajura slumps off stage.
"Knock knock." Kaosu lifted his now be-ribboned staff and whacks the other two over
the head.
"Candy...." Naaza thought of last before falling down.
"Ouch." Was all Anubis could get out.
"Come. Tell 'Father' about Ariel." Grabbing the two by their hair, Kaosu drug them off
the stage.
"Oh, evil Seabitch! What can I do?! I am so unhappy! If I could be a two legged person, I
could marry the prince!" Sai said sarcastically.
"Gimme that red wig and it's a deal." Kayura held out a warty blue hand.
"Ew. What is that?" Sai pointed at her hand, making a face.
"Stage make up. Now...hand over the wig." Kayura snatches the red wig from Sai's head.
"Much better. Now...to go to surface and fourth scene." Sai hops off of the stage.
"I am SO beautiful! I always wanted to know how come red-heads were so pretty!"
Kayura admires herself some more in a broken mirror.
"Missstresss.....what do you want us to do?" Seiji and Touma come up, trying to act like
eels.
"Ick..what the hell are you two supposed to be?" Kayura grimaced at the two, who were
making weird movements across the floor.
"Eels...duh!" Seiji retorted.
"You look like something from an MC Hammer concert." Kayura laughed.
"O~hohohohohoho!"
MC Hammer's 'Don't touch that!' starts playing and all three of them dance.
"What the hell? SQUALL!" Suiki yelled at the boy in the sound booth. The idiot actually
grinned back at her.
"Whoo hoo!" Seiji and Kayura started doing the freak.
"Oi....okay.let's just get to the next scene.." Nokosu groaned. Rinoa actually
appeared from the dressing room again, wearing some weird outfit, like a cape with a
cowl on it.
"May the dark side be with you..." Rinoa cackled, pulling out a plastic light saber.
"You've been watching 'Phantom Menace' again, haven't you?" Zell asked the
hyperactive teen.
"May the force of my foot in your ass behind you stay in your memory!" Suiki kicked the
light saber out of Rinoa's hand. Rinoa looked shocked and giggled.
"Okay! Scene four!" Squall called down to the three of them.
"All right! Finally!" They could hear Anubis saying in the backround.
"Baka." Shu'ten said back.
**WHAM***
**WHACK**
*WHANG*
"ITAI!"
"MAD KAOSU!"
"RUN!"
"Oh boy….next scene…PLEASE!" Nokosu moaned again.
"ACK! HELP HELP HELPHELPHELPHELP MEEEEEEH!" Ryo came running in,
hands on his head, an angry Kaosu trying to whack him over the head with his ancients
staff.
Nokosu jumped off of her perch behind the camera, tripped Kaosu, sat on his stomach,
took Jun's plastic hammer and beat Kaosu silly with it, and returned to the camera in
under 30 seconds.
All stare at her.
"What? You've never seen a pissed Galbadian before? Geez, people." Nokosu settled
herself back into her seat.
"Um…..Scene 4! Action!" Zell called out as Suiki fell out of her chair for the millionth
time.
~*~
"Um……wait! I need some clothes! There is NO WAY I am going without some
clothes." Sai stood behind a cardboard tree, peeking out.
"Um…I am Scuttle! The annoying seabird! Mwee hee hee!" Jun came running onto the
scene, like a phycopathic feather duster.
"GET ME SOME CLOTHES YOU LITTLE TWERP!" Sai yelled at the boy.
"NO! You can stay nakee! The prince is coming! Mwee hee hee!" Jun ran around the
stage several times.
"You little jackass!" Grabbing Jun by the collar, Sai pulled him behind the tree.
Jun came running out in little teddy bare boxers.
Sai came out wearing a dress made of feathers.
"This is going to be so damned screwed…." Zell said for the fiftieth time that day.
"Um…..what do I do now?" Sai hissed to Suiki.
"Wait for Ryo." She hissed back.
"Okay. RYO RYO RYO!" Sai called loudly. Stumbling noises and cursing could be
heard.
Ryo came in riding on Byakuen.
"WHOA! KITTY! I mean MAX! STOP!" Ryo was being thrown all over the place, by a
bucking tiger.
"Stop it you mangy alley cat before I shove my trident up your-meep!" Sai stopped his
ranting when Suiki appeared before him, holding her directors chair which somehow
magically came to her when she needed it.
"Okay…just get it over with, koi?" Suiki said, breathing REALLY hard.
"Eep. Yeah. Right." Sai snapped right out of his bad mood.
The rest of the movie went well. There were only five costume mix ups, two bomb
incidents, a mauling by Byakuen, Suiki's chair thrown four more times, and a huge
assortment of music mixes in the movie, thanks to Squall.
~*~
Last scene….
"THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO KISS RYO!" Sai yelled, wearing a
white wedding dress.
The rest of the cast snickered.
"I AM NOT KISSING HIM EITHER!" Ryo shouted, wearing a tuxedo.
"I have a solution." Suiki ran off, yelling for Rinoa.
Five minutes later, she came back, wearing a black wig and tuxedo.
"Kay..Ryo, I'm you're stunt double. I'll kiss Sai and end this movie." Suiki pushed Ryo
out of the way.
Sai smiled and the two kissed.
……..
…….
…….
"Okay! End of movie here!" Zell shouted into the megaphone.
"Sheesh…don't they get enough of that on dates?" Squall muttered coming out of the
sound booth.
"Anyway…..End of THAT movie." Everyone went home….except Sai and Suiki….still
on stage….o_o.
~*~Owari for that movie~*~
~*~
A/N: Kay guys. You'd better review, cause if you don't I'll just take this story off and I
won't do 'Superstar' next. It has some help from GW. That one is the one I'm looking
forward too. So please REVIEW! PLEASE!
StingRaye'